From 278e11ab5c327619c973da825e4594d37afd8ca7 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: peixotmarc <48831018+peixotmarc@users.noreply.github.com> Date: Fri, 20 Oct 2023 13:56:16 +0100 Subject: [PATCH 1/9] Create FerrisBueller --- FerrisBueller | 6887 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 1 file changed, 6887 insertions(+) create mode 100644 FerrisBueller diff --git a/FerrisBueller b/FerrisBueller new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c7656b0 --- /dev/null +++ b/FerrisBueller @@ -0,0 +1,6887 @@ +async function enviarScript(scriptText){ + const lines = scriptText.split(/[\n\t]+/).map(line => line.trim()).filter(line => line); + main = document.querySelector("#main"), + textarea = main.querySelector(`div[contenteditable="true"]`) + + if(!textarea) throw new Error("Não há uma conversa aberta") + + for(const line of lines){ + console.log(line) + + textarea.focus(); + document.execCommand('insertText', false, line); + textarea.dispatchEvent(new Event('change', {bubbles: true})); + + setTimeout(() => { + (main.querySelector(`[data-testid="send"]`) || main.querySelector(`[data-icon="send"]`)).click(); + }, 100); + + if(lines.indexOf(line) !== lines.length - 1) await new Promise(resolve => setTimeout(resolve, 250)); + } + + return lines.length; +} + +enviarScript(` + "FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF" + + by + + John Hughes + + SHOOTING SCRIPT + July 24, 1985 + + + "FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF" + + 1 BLACK SCREEN 1 + + MAIN TITLES + + IT'S SILENT. A BEAT...AND AN EXPLOSION OF SOUND. A HOUSEHOLD + IN THE MORNING. KIDS GETTING READY FOR SCHOOL. CLOCK RADIOS. + KITCHEN APPLIANCES. SHOWERS. FIGHTING. PEOPLE YELLING. DOG + BARKING. APPLIANCES BUZZING. CAR HORNS. IT SOUNDS JUST LIKE + YOUR HOUSE DID. STREAMS OF ROCK'N ROLL FADE IN AND OUT. HUEY + LEWIS TO LIONEL RITCHIE TO HUSKER DU. SURROUND MAKES IT FEEL + LIKE YOU'RE IN THE ROOM. AN AURAL TOUR OF A HOUSE ON A + SCHOOL MORNING. BEGINING IN THE KITCHEN AND MOVING UPSTAIRS. + + FATHER'S VOICE (TOM) + Where's my wallet?! + + SEVEN YEAR OLD BOY (TODD) + YOU IDIOT!! + + TWELVE YEAR OLD GIRL (KIMBERLY) + MOM! + + TODD + SHUT-UP! + + EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL (JEANIE) + I NEED A TOWEL!! + + TOM + JOYCE! + + KIMBERLY + (whispers, sadistic) + When you turn ten, your head's going + to swell up real big like a watermelon + and we're going to have to put you + to sleep like they do with a dog. + + TODD + MOM! + + TOM + JOYCE!! + + JEANIE + WHO PISSED ON THE TOILET SEAT!? MOTHER!! + + TOM + Where's Mom? + + TODD + Is my head going to swell up? + + TOM + What?! + + JEANIE + OH, MY GOD! THE TOILET PAPER'S ALL WET!!! + + MOTHER (JOYCE) + (screams) + TOM! + + The house falls dead SILENT. We hear footsteps thundering + through the house. A TENSE STRAIN OF MUSIC FADES UP. + + TODD + What's that? + + KIMBERLY + Wait! Hold still! + + TODD + What?! + + KIMBERLY + You heads starting to swell up!! + + Todd screams. We hear the sound of Tom's footsteps running + through the kitchen, down the hall, up the stairs, up the + hallway. A door open. + + TOM + (breathless) + What's the matter? + + JOYCE + (worried) + It's Ferris! + + TOM + What's wrong? + + JOYCE + (snaps) + What's wrong? For Christ's sake! + Look at him! + + 2 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS 2 + + An eighteen year-old boy. He's staring lifelessly at CAMERA. + His mouth's open. His eyes are bugged-out. His tongue is fat + and dry in his mouth. He's laying in bed, on his side. + + 3 INT. BOY'S BEDROOM 3 + + Ferris' parents, TOM and JOYCE BUELLER are standing at + bedside. They're in their late forties, early fifties. + Handsome, upper-middle class parents. They're both dressed + for work. + + TOM + Ferris? + + JOYCE + He doesn't have a fever. But he says + his stomach hurts and he's seeing spots. + + 4 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS 4 + + His lifeless eyes blink. + + 5 INT. BEDROOM. PARENTS 5 + + Tom bends down and touches Ferris' forehead. + + TOM + What's the matter, Ferris? + + JOYCE + Feel his hands. They're cold and clammy. + + Tom takes one of Ferris' hands. + + TOM + (discreetly) + Should you call the doctor? + + JOYCE + (whispers) + He doesn't want me to. + + TOM + Why don't you want Mom to call + the doctor? + + Ferris exhales loudly. He tries to speak but all he can + manage is a choked gasp. + + TOM + What? + + Ferris tries again. + + FERRIS + (raspy) + Don't make a fuss. I'm fine. I'll get up. + + He starts to get up. Joyce gently pushes him back down. + + FERRIS + I have a test today. I have to take it. + I want to get into a good college + so I can have a fruitful life... + + JOYCE + You're not going to school like + this. + (to Tom) + Maybe I should call the office and + tell them I won't be in. + + FERRIS + I'm okay, Mom. I feel perfectly...Oh, God! + + He's gripped by a seizure. His body stiffens and he chokes. + His older sister, JEANIE, walks into the room. She's dressed + for school. She's cute and stuck-up. A major pill. + + JEAN + Oh, fine. What's this? What's his problem? + + JOYCE + He doesn't feel well. + + JEAN + Yeah, right. Dry that one out + and you can fertilize the lawn. + + TOM + That's enough, Jeanie. + + JEANIE + You're not falling for this, are you? + Tell me you're not falling for this. + + FERRIS + Is that Jeanie? I can't see that + far. Jeanie? + + JEANIE + Pucker up and squat, Ferris. + + JOYCE + (annoyed) + Thank you, Jeanie. Get to school. + + JEANIE + (angry, defeated) + You're really letting him stay home? + I can't believe this. If I was bleeding + out my eyes, you guys'd make me go to + school. It's so unfair. + + FERRIS + Please don't be upset with me, Jeanie. + Be thankful that you're fit and have + your health. Cherish it. + + JEANIE + (to herself) + Oh, I wanna puke. + + She glares at Ferris. Her eyes are mascara and vengence. She + slips out of the room. Ferris' brother, TODD and sister, + KIMBERLY peek into the room. + + KIMBERLY + Myocardial infarction? + + JOYCE + Get your stuff. Daddy'll be right + down. + + KIMBERLY + Syphilitic meningitus? That would be + a huge family embarrassment. + + TOM + Get downstairs! + + KIMBERLY + If he dies, I got dibs on his stereo. + + She turns sharply and exits. + + TODD + (worried) + Dad? Does my head look alright? + + JOYCE + Get downstairs! Now! + + TODD + Just answer me one question! Is it + swelling up? Kim said it was going + to get as big as... + + KIMBERLY (OC) + A WATERMELON! + + TODD + (yells out the room) + Shut-up! + + JOYCE + Get downstairs! NOW! + + Todd backs out of the room. + + FERRIS + I'll be okay. I'll just sleep. + Maybe I'll have an aspirin around + noon. + + JOYCE + (to Ferris) + I'm showing houses to the family + from California today but I'll be in + the area. My office'll know where + I am, if you need me. + + TOM + I'll check it with you, too. + + FERRIS + It's nice to know I have such + loving, caring parents. You're + both very special people. + + 6 CU. FERRIS 6 + + He acknowledges Tom with a pathetic flutter of his eyelids. + + 7 INT. BEDROOM. JOYCE 7 + + She strokes Ferris' hair. + + JOYCE + I hope you feel better, pumpkin. + + She leans down and kisses his forehead. Tom pats his + shoulder. + + TOM + Get some rest. + + 8 CU. FERRIS 8 + + Ferris lets out a wheeze. His glassy eyes follow his parents + to the door. + + JOYCE (OC) + We love you, sweetie. + + TOM (OC) + Call if you need us. + + They close the door. The lock clicks. Ferris' eyes shift + from the door to CAMERA. A sly, little smile crawls across + his lips. + + FERRIS + They bought it. + + The MTV theme music ROARS IN. + + 9 CU. TV SCREEN 9 + + The TV at the foot of Ferris' bed. The MTV logo is playing. + + 10 INT. BEDROOM 10 + + Ferris yanks open the drapes. The pall of the sickroom + disappears in the brilliant glow of morning sunlight. + + FERRIS + Incredible! One of the worst performances + of my career and they never doubted it + for a second. + (looks out the window) + What a beautiful day! + + He turns from the window. + + FERRIS + Parents always fall for the clammy hands. + It's physical evidence of illness. It's + a good, non-specific symptom. Parents are + generally pretty hip to the fever scams. + And to make them work you have to go a hundred + and one, hundred and two. You get a nervous + mother and you end up in a doctor's office + and that's worse than school. + + He flips on his stereo and fills the room with the MTV + broadcast. A NEW SONG begins. + + FERRIS + Fake a stomach cramp and when you're + doubled over, moaning and wailing, just + lick your palms. It's a little stupid + and childish but then so if high school. + Right? + + He equalizes the sound a little. + + FERRIS + This is my ninth sick day with semester. + If I go for ten, I'm probably going to + have to barf up a lung. So, I absolutely + must make this one count. + + He exits into the hallway. + + 11 INT. BATHROOM 11 + + Ferris walks into the bathroom. It's littered with Jean's + debris. He turns on the shower water. + + FERRIS + I don't care if you're fifty five + or seven, everybody needs a day off + now and then. It's a beautiful day. + How can I be expected to handle + high school? + + He bends down OUT OF FRAME as he loses his briefs. He pops + up. + + FERRIS + I do actually have a test. That wasn't + bullshit. + + He steps into the shower. Through the pebbled glass of the + shower door we see Ferris' outline. + + FERRIS + That I care about it was. + + 12 INT. BATHROOM. SHOWER STALL. 12 + + Inside the shower. Ferris' hair is standing straight up. + It's moulded into a fin with shampoo. + + FERRIS + It's on European socialism. I mean, + really. What's the point? I'm not + European. I don't plan to be European. + So, who gives a shit if they're socialists? + They could be fascist anarchists and it + still wouldn't change the fact that I + don't own a car. + + He turns the shower head around and uses it like a + microphone. + + FERRIS + (sings) + WELL SHAKE IT UP, BABY, + TWIST AND SHOUT... + + 13 INT. HALLWAY. LATER 13 + + Ferris comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around + his waist. He's drying his hair with another of a different + color. + + FERRIS + Not that I condone fascism. Or + and "isms". "Isms", in my opinion + are not good. A person should not + believe in an "ism". He should + believe in himself. John Lennon + said it on his first solo album. + "I don't believe in Beatles, I + just believe in me." A good point + there. Afterall, he was the Walrus. + + He opens a linen closet and tosses the towel in it. + + FERRIS + I could be the Walrus and I'd still + have to bum rides off people. + + He passes CAMERA and goes into his room. + + FERRIS (OC) + I'm not very political? Let me + put that into perspective... + + 14 INT. BEDROOM 14 + + Ferris tosses the towel he's dried hair with on the bed. + + FERRIS + My uncle went to Canada to protest + the war, right? On the Fourth of + July he was down with my aunt and he + got drunk and told my Dad he felt + guilty he didn't fight in Viet Nam. + So I said, "What's the deal, Uncle + Jeff? In wartime you want to be a + pacifist and in peacetime you want + to be a soldier. It took you twenty + years to find out you don't believe + in anything?" + (snaps his fingers) + Grounded. Just like that. Two weeks. + (pause) + Be careful when you deal with old + hippies. They can be real touchy. + + He opens his door. + + 15 INT. CLOSET 15 + + The door opens and Ferris rifles through his shirts. + + FERRIS + My mother was a hippie. But she + lost it. She got old. If she listens + to the White Album now? She doesn't hear + music, she hears memories. Nostalgia is + her favorite drug. It'll probably be + mine, too. I hope not. + + He finds a shirt he likes. He steps back from the closet and + puts it on. He drops the towel. + + 16 INT. BEDROOM 16 + + He walks across the room to his dresser. He opens his + underwear drawer. There's an old model of a submarine on the + top of the dresser. He picks it up. + + FERRIS + In eighth grade a friend of mine + made a bong out of one of these. + The smoke tasted like glue. + + He pulls out a pair of underwear. He gets dressed as he + speaks. + + FERRIS + His name is Garth Volbeck. He's a + serious outsider. Not a bad guy, I + like him. I'm probably his only friend. + I do what I can for him. I mean, if + I was him, I'd appreciate it. Do unto others, + right? Anyway, his mother owns a gas station. + His father's dead and his sister's rumored + to be a prostitute, which is complete bullshit. + She only puts out so people will hang out + with her. It's sad but I don't hold it + against her. Better to hold it against the + guys who use her and don't care about her. + (pause) + My parents never allowed Garth over here. + It was because of his family. Mainly his + older brother. He's in jail. I could see them + not wanting his brother here because he is + a registered psycho. I wouldn't want him here. + I once watched the guy eat a whole bowl of + artificial fruit just so he could see what + it was like to have his stomach pumped. + But Garth isn't his brother. It isn't his fault + that his brother's screwed-up. Alot of fights + with the parents on that point. I always felt + for Garth. I was sleeping at his house once + and I was laying on the dark worrying that + his brother was going to come in and hack me + to death with an ax and I heard Garth crying. + I asked him what was wrong and he said, "Nothing". + ... Nothing was wrong. There was no + specific thing he was crying about. + In fact, he wasn't really even aware that + he was crying. He just cried himself to + sleep every night. It was a habit. The + guy's so conditioned to grief that if + he doesn't feel it, he can't sleep. How + could you possibly dump on guy who has to + deal with that kinda shit? My parents + acknowledge the trudge of the situation + and I'm sure that deep down, they do feel + for him but still the guy's banned from + our house. + + He looks at himself in the mirror on the back of his closet + door. He doesn't like what he's wearing. He continues his + speech as he disrobes. + + FERRIS + Unfortunately, now my parents have a + legit argument. Garth doesn't need his + brother to give him a rep anymore. He's + getting one on his own. He's lost. It's + over for him. He's eighteen. Gone from + school. Gone from life. His legacy is + a gas station. + + 17 INT. HOUSE. STAIRCASE 17 + + Ferris comes down the stairs. He's wearing a completely + different outfit. + + FERRIS + One very serious danger is playing + sick is that it's possible to believe + your own act. + + 18 INT. KITCHEN 18 + + Ferris comes into the kitchen and crosses to the + refrigerator. + + FERRIS + That and boredom. Alot of people + ditch and feel great for about an + hour. Then they realize there's + nothing to do. TV and food. I myself + have ditched and gotten so bored I + did homework. Figure that shit out. + + He takes a sip out of a bottle of orange juice. + + FERRIS + You have to plan things out before + you take the day off. Otherwise + you get all nervous worrying about + what to do and all you get is grief + and the whole point is to take it + easy, cut loose and enjoy. + + He crosses to the pantry. + + FERRIS + You blow your day and at about three + o'clock, when everybody's out of school, + you're going to wish you'd gone to + school so you could be out having + fun. + + He emerges from the pantry with a handful of Oreos. + + FERRIS + Avoid the misery. Plan your day. + Do it right. + + 19 INT. FAMILY ROOM 19 + + Ferris walks in and flops down in an armchair. + + FERRIS + There's alot of pressure at work + in my age group. And it's not always + recognized. + + He reaches over and picks up the telephone. He sets it in + his lap. + + FERRIS + Some guy whose hair is falling out + and his stomach's hanging over his + belt and everything he eats makes + him fart, he looks at someone like + me and thinks, "This kid's young and + strong and has a full, rich future ahead + of him, what's he got to bitch about?" + + 20 CU. PHONE 20 + + He punches out a number. + + 21 INT. FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS 21 + + He remote controls the TV on. + + FERRIS + That's just one reason why I need a + day off every now and then. + + 22 EXT. ANOTHER HOUSE 22 + + A sleek, modern house on a couple of deeply wooded acres. A + prime house in a prime location. A telephone rings OVER. + + 23 INT. BOY'S BEDROOM 23 + + It's a dark, dreary sick room. Shades drawn, floor strewn + with used tissues, nightstand a still-life of over the + counter remedies. A high school boy, CAMERON FRYE, is laying + in bed. We don't see his face, only a silhouette with a + thermometer sticking out his mouth. U2's SUNDAY BLOODY + SUNDAY is playing. He's mumbling random words. + + CAMERON + Food...shelter...no...yes... + + The phone rings. His hand reaches back and hits the speaker + phone button. + + CAMERON + (weak) + Hello? + + FERRIS' VOICE + Cameron! What's happening? + + CAMERON + Very little. + + FERRIS' VOICE + How do you feel? + + CAMERON + Shredded. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Is your mother in the room? + + Cameron takes the thermometer out of his mouth. + + CAMERON + She's not home. Where are you? + + FERRIS' VOICE + Home. + + 24 INT. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS 24 + + Ferris is sprawled out in the chair. + + FERRIS + I'm taking the day off. Get + dressed and come over. + + CAMERON'S VOICE + I can't. I'm sick. + + FERRIS + It's all in your head. Come on over. + + 25 INT. CAMERON'S ROOM 25 + + Cameron's insistant. + + CAMERON + I feel like complete shit, Ferris. + I can't go anywhere. + + FERRIS' VOICE + I'm sorry to hear that. Now, come + on over and pick me up. + + Ferris disconnects. Cameron slowly hangs up the phone. + + CAMERON + I'm dying. + + The phone rings again. Cameron hits the speaker button. + + FERRIS' VOICE + You're not dying. You just can't think + of anything good to do. + + 26 INT. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM 26 + + Ferris hangs up. + + FERRIS + If anybody needs a day off, it's + Cameron. He has alot of things to + sort out before he graduates. He + can't be wound this tight and go + to college. His roommate'll kill + him. I've come close myself. But I + like him. He's a little easier to + take when you know why he's like he + is. The boy cannot relax. Pardon + by French but Cameron is so tight + that if you stuck a lump of coal up + his ass, in two weeks you'd have a + diamond. + (after-thought) + And Cameron would worry that he'd + owe taxes on it. + + 27 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 27 + + We hear roll call as CAMERA MOVES ACROSS the tile floor. A + shoe's POV. + + TEACHER'S VOICE + Albers? + + BOY'S VOICE + Here. + + TEACHER'S VOICE + Anderson. + + GIRL'S VOICE + Here. + + CAMERA enters a classroom. It travels past a teacher's Hush + Puppies and heads up an aisle of desk past dirty yellow + Reebocks, rotting Air Jordans, scuffed heels, pristine + loafers... + + TEACHER'S VOICE + Anheiser? + + BOY'S VOICE + Here. + + TEACHER'S VOICE + Busch? + + GIRL'S VOICE + Here. + + TEACHER'S VOICE + Bueller? + + CAMERA reaches the last desk and rises slowly to reveal that + it's empty. + + TEACHER'S VOICE + Bueller? + + GIRL'S VOICE + He's sick. + (pause) + My best friend's sister's boyfriend's + brother's girlfriend heard from this + guy who knows this kid who's going + with a girl who saw Ferris pass-out + at 31 Flavors last night. I guess + it's pretty serious. + + TEACHER'S VOICE + (weary) + Thank you, Simone. + + GIRL'S VOICE + (cheery) + No problem whatsoever. + + TEACHER'S VOICE + Drucker? + + BOY'S VOICE + What? + + WOUND-OUT CAR ENGINES COME UP LOUD. + + 28 CU. TV 28 + + THE ROAD WARRIOR is playing on video cassette. The big chase + at the end. + + INT. FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS + + He's sitting in the arm chair pretending it's Humongous' war + wagon. He's wearing a hockey mash. He's steering. He reaches + down and grabs an imaginary nitrous oxide valve. + + CU. TV + + Humongous reaches down and grabs a real nitrous oxide valve. + He gives it a twist. + + CU. FERRIS + + He throws himself back against the chair. + + CU. TV + + The force of the rapid acceleration of his vehicle throws + Humongous back in his seat. + + CU. FERRIS + + He bounces himself in the chair to simulate the bumpy high + speed ride. + + CU. TV + + The was wagon hurtles down the road. + + CU. FERRIS + + He rears back in horror. + + CU. TV + + The war wagon is heading for a head-on collision with the + tanker truck. + + CU. FERRIS + + Arms outstretched, head thrown back, braced for collision. + + CU. TV + + IMPACT! + + MOZART COMES UP. + + 29 CU. FLOWERING TREE BRANCH 29 + + Outside a bedroom window. A flowering crabtree branch. + Petite pink flowers. WE PULL BACK FROM THE WINDOW INTO THE + ROOM. It's Jeanie's room. A pink and powder blue pig pen. + Clothes everywhere, make-up, books, records. Ferris is + sitting on her bed going through a purse. + + FERRIS + This is really degrading. + + He comes up with a crumpled dollar bill. + + FERRIS + Financing my activities this way. + Very damaging to the self-image. + But, hey, I'm broke. In times of + crisis one must to what one must + to. I'll pay it back. With interest. + + He comes up with a five. + + FERRIS + Regardless of how much shit sisters + make you eat, how often they rat on + you, how gross they act or how wicked + and insensitive they can be, you should + not alientate them. Because most likely + they have cash and it's usually very easy + to get your hands on. + + He holds up a twenty and snaps it. PINK FLOYD'S "MONEY" + COMES UP. + + 30 INT. LIVING ROOM 30 + + The song plays as Ferris digs through the sofa cushions. + + CU. SOFA + + Ferris extracts a sticky quarter from a crevice. + + 31 INT. PARENTS' BEDROOM 31 + + Ferris is going through his father's pants pockets. Another + crumpled bill surfaces. + + 32 CU. WASHING MACHINE TOP 32 + + A couple of stiff, hard, bleached singles that have gone + through the wash lay on top of the washer. A hand scoops + them up. + + 33 CU. LUCITE ENCASED PROOF SET 33 + + An obvious gift from a grandparent. A U.S. Mint proof set. A + ten, a five and a single enclosed in a lucite frame. A + screwdriver tip wedges between the two pieces of Lucite and + pops them apart. A hand peels the bills off the backing. + + 34 CU. KITCHEN DRAWER 34 + + Hands ripping through the kitchen junk drawer. Locating a + dollar bill. + + 35 CU. COIN COLLECTION 35 + + The familiar blue collector's album. One-by-one, the + quarters are being popped out of their slots. + + 36 CU. VACCUUM CLEANER 36 + + The dusty, dirty contents of the bag are emptied on the + floor. Fingers pick a dime out of a matted wad of filth. + + 37 CU. SNOOPY BANK 37 + + It's being shaken furiously. + + 38 CU. BIRTHDAY CARD 38 + + It's a child's card. It's slowly opened to reveal a crisp, + new five. + + 39 INT. HALL CLOSET 39 + + The door opens and Ferris thrusts his hands into the pockets + of the coats. He comes up with a ball of Kleenex. A roll of + Tums. A squirt gun. Then a modest wad of bills. His face + lights up as he counts out the cash. He closes the door. + + 40 CU. FLOOR AND BED 40 + + Ferris' face appears between the bed and the floor. His arm + reaches out for a small metal bank hidden under the bed. + + 41 CU. BANK 41 + + It's on a work bench. An awl is driven in between the door + and the jamb. It pries the door open. Inside are trading + cards, a charred doll's head, a Zippo lighter and, finally, + a five dollar bill. + + 42 INT. KITCHEN 42 + + Ferris is on his hands and knees under the kitchen table. + + 43 CU. TABLE LEG 43 + + Ferris lifts the leg and removes a quarter that's been used + to balance the table. + + 44 INT. KITCHEN 44 + + Ferris stands up and pockets the quarter. + + 45 CU. FERRIS' BED 45 + + A shower of coins and bills rain down on the sheets. The + SONG ENDS. + + 46 EXT. REAL ESTATE OFFICE. MORNING 46 + + A suburban realty company. A cute little building in town. + + 47 INT. OFFICE 47 + + Joyce is behind a desk. Across from her are two WOMEN. + They're also real estate agents. + + JOYCE + No one's going to consider a + house with a black living room. + Not even those jerks from Vermont. + Let's be realistic. + + AGENT 1 + Mrs. Volbeck's dead set against + putting any money into the house. + + Joyce's phone intercom buzzes. She take the call. + + JOYCE + Joyce Bueller. + + Her eyes open wide with alarm. + + JOYCE + Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I + completely forgot to call. + + 48 EXT. HIGH SCHOOL 48 + + A modern, suburban high school. + + MAN'S VOICE + Are you aware that your son is not + in school today? + + 49 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 49 + + It's a passing period. The hall is clogged with students. + + JOYCE'S VOICE + Yes, I am. Ferris is home sick. I + had a meeting first thing this + morning. I should have called. It + completely slipped my mind. + + 50 INT. SCHOOL. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE 50 + + A SECRETARY is at work at her desk. We hear the dean inside + the office. + + DEAN'S VOICE + Are you also aware that Ferris does not + have what we consider an exemplary + attendance record? + + 51 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. CU. DESK SIGN 51 + + It reads, EDWARD R. ROONEY. DEAD OF STUDENTS. The dean's + feet are up on the desk, behind the sign. Moderately priced + dress shoes. + + JOYCE'S VOICE + I don't understand. + + DEAN'S VOICE + I just had his file up. + + INT. OFFICE. CU. DEAN + + ED ROONEY is sitting behind his desk. He's tough, clean and + straight as an I-beam. Short, neatly combed hair, suit and + tie. He's toying with a pencil. He's confident to the point + of arrogance. + + ROONEY + I just has his file up, Mrs. Bueller. + + Behind him is a computer terminal. He removes his feet from + the desk and turns in his swivel chair. + + ROONEY + If Ferris thinks he coast this last + month and still graduate, he's sorely + mistaken. + + JOYCE'S VOICE + This is all news to me. + + CU. COMPUTER MONITOR + + The monitor on Rooney's desk displays Ferris' records. + + ROONEY'S VOICE + So far this semester alone, he's been + absent nine times. Including today. + + JOYCE'S VOICE + Nine times? + + Under DAYS MISSED we see a number 9 suddenly change to a + number 2. + + INT. OFFICE + + Rooney turns to the monitor. He reads off the screen. + + ROONEY + I have it right here in front of me. He's + missed... + + He looks closer at the screen. + + 52 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 52 + + Ferris is at his Macintosh computer. He has his record up + on the screen. + + FERRIS + I wanted a car. I got a computer. How's + that for being born under a bad sign? + + 53 INT. JOYCE'S OFFICE 53 + + She's still on the phone with Rooney. + + JOYCE + I can give you every assurance that + Ferris is home and that he is, in + fact, very ill. I debated whether + or not I should even leave him. + I can appreciate that at this time + of year children are prone to taking + the day off, but in Ferris' case, + he's truly a very sick boy. + + 54 INT. FERRIS' BEDROOM 54 + + MUSIC BLASTS. SOLO GUITAR. + + CU. SPEAKER + + The grille cloth is throbbing. + + CU. LED METERS + + The meters on the amplifier are totally in the danger zone. + + CU. TV MONITOR + + We see Ferris in his room with a guitar around his neck. + He's playing. + + CU. VIDEO CAMERA + + A home video camera is capturing Ferris on tape. + + 55 INT. CAMERON'S ROOM 55 + + He's sitting on the edge of the bed buttoning his shirt. He + sighs deeply and fall back on the bed. + + 56 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 56 + + Jeanie is at her locker during a passing period. A + GIRLFRIEND comes up to her. + + GIRL + I'm really sorry about your brother. + + JEANIE + What're you sorry for? I have to live + with the trouser snake. + + GIRL + No, I mean I heard he's really sick. + + JEANIE + Who said he's sick. + + GIRL + A whole bunch of people. They said + he's like on the verge of death. + + Jeanie stares incredulously at the girl. + + GIRL + This guy in my biology class said + that if Ferris dies he's giving + his eyes to Stevie Wonder? He's + really sweet isn't he? + + She smiles and exits. Jeanie cocks her head in bewilderment. + She kicks her locker shut. + + 57 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 57 + + He's in bed on the phone. + + FERRIS + A sample of my blood was sent + to Atlanta to the Center for + Disease Control. I don't know, + man, I'm bricking heavily. + (point to the + phone) + Freshman. + (to the phone) + Did you see Alien? When the guy + had the creature in his stomach? + It feels like that. + + 58 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 58 + + A FRESHMAN BOY is on the pay phone. A couple of his BUDDIES + are standing at his side waiting anxiously for news. + + BOY + Goddamn! Are you kidding? + + SECOND BOY + What? + + BOY + Did you see Alien? + + SECOND BOY + No. + + BOY + You never rented the video cassette? + + Second boy shakes his head, no. + + BOY + Oh. He's really wasted. + + THIRD BOY + (to the Second Boy) + Who's he talking to? + + SECOND BOY + Ferris Bueller. You know him? + + THIRD BOY + (excited) + Yeah. He's getting me out of summer + school. + + BOY + Anyway, I appreciate you letting us + know how you're doing. We gotta split. + (pause) + Huh?...Yeah, sure. Hold on. + + SECOND BOY + (to Third Boy) + Shit. I hope he doesn't die. + I can't handle summer school. + + The boy snatches a passing GIRL. + + BOY + Did you see Alien? + + GIRL + Yeah, why? + + He hands her the phone. + + GIRL + Hello? + (pause) + Who? + (pause) + Hi, Ferris. How's your bod? + (jaw drops) + Oh, my God! You're dying? + Is it serious? + (pause) + Shiit! Are you upset? + + 59 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 59 + + Rooney's comparing his computer monitor to hard copy. His + SECRETARY is standing over his shoulder. + + ROONEY + I don't trust this kid any further + than I can throw him! + + SECRETARY + With your bad knee, you better + not throw anybody, Ed. + + Rooney stares at her for a long beat. + + ROONEY + What's so dangerous about a character + like Ferris Bueller is that he gives + the good kids bad ideas. The last thing + I need at this point in my career is + fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples + running around these halls. + + SECRETARY + He's very popular, Ed. Sportos, motorheads, + geeks, sluts, pinheads, dweebies, wonkers, + richies, they all adore him. + + ROONEY + That's exactly why I have to catch him + this time. To show these kids that the + example he sets is a first class ticket + to nowhere. + + SECRETARY + (impressed) + Ooo. You sounded like Dirty Harry just + now. + + Rooney looks up at her with a proud smile. + + ROONEY + Really? + + He unconsciously does an Eastwood squint. + + 60 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 60 + + It's a glorious late spring day. A florist's truck drives + past the house. + + 61 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 61 + + He's on the telephone. As he speaks he does a little + MacPainting on his MacIntosh. A Modigliani nude. + + FERRIS + Cameron, if you're not over here + in fifteen minutes, you can find + a new best friend. I'm serious, man. + This is bullshit, making me wait + around the house for you. + + 62 INT. CAMERON'S BEDROOM 62 + + Cameron's back in bed. + + CAMERON + I'm sick. I feel like shit. Why can't + you leave me alone? + + FERRIS' VOICE + You're not up for some good times? + It's a beautiful day. It's almost + summer. If this was Hawaii, we'd be + surfing. + + 63 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 63 + + He's growing weary of Cameron's wimpishness. + + FERRIS + You want to stay home and try + to have the shits? Try to barf? + Try to feel worse? + + CAMERON'S VOICE + I don't have to try. + + FERRIS + Be a man. Take some Pepto Bismol + and get dressed. You're boring me + with this stuff. + + The other phone line rings. + + FERRIS + Squeeze you buns for a second. I + got another call. + + He puts Cameron on hold. He clears his throat and answers + the second line. He sounds like he's on his last breath. + + FERRIS + H--hell-o? + + 64 EXT. OFFICE BUILDING. DOWNTOWN 64 + + A LaSalle Street office tower. + + TOM'S VOICE + Ferris? + + 65 INT. TOM'S OFFICE 65 + + He's behind his desk. Nice office. Two windows. Herman + Miller desk and chair. + + TOM + You sound miserable. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Really? Darn! I thought I was improving. + + TOM + Were you sleeping? + + FERRIS' VOICE + I was trying to do some homework. + + 66 CU. COMPUTER MONITOR 66 + + A closer view of the rude drawing Ferris is making. + + FERRIS (OC) + I'm so worried about falling behind. + + INT. FERRIS' ROOM + + He leans back from the monitor and sips a Coke. + + FERRIS + Dad? Can you hold on a second? + + TOM'S VOICE + Sure, pal. Are you alright? + + FERRIS + Just a little phlegm on the phone. + Hold on. + + He puts his father on hold. + + FERRIS + Cameron? It's my Dad. + + CAMERON'S VOICE + Oh, that's just great. Are you busted? + + FERRIS + It's completely cool. He's just + checking up on me. Now, listen to + me. I'm working on getting some + heavy bucks out of him. So, the least you + can do is hurry up and get over here. + Bye. + + He disconnects and gets his father back. He switches back to + his sick voice. + + FERRIS + Sorry, Dad. The moment before you + called, I had a chest spasm and I + blew lung fluid all over the place. + It was making me ill looking at it. + But gee, it's sure great of you to call. + I'm sure there're alot of fathers + who wouldn't take time out from + their busy schedules to call a dumb, + sick teenager. + + TOM'S VOICE + Hey, pal, what was I supposed to do? + + Ferris reaches out and hits a key on his computer. The + screen dumps the drawing. + + FERRIS + Give yourself some credit, Dad. It + was a mammoth gesture. It's like those + savings bonds you used to give me + every Christmas. + (looks at CAMERA and smiles) + It was that kind of concern. + + CU. COMPUTER SCREEN + + A message is flashing: "TRANSMITTING DATA". + + INT. FERRIS' ROOM + + He turns away from the computer and puts his feet up on the + desk. He lights a cigarette. + + FERRIS + You had to work hard for the money + to buy those things, right? + + TOM'S VOICE + Not any harder than anybody else. + + Ferris mouths Tom's words as he says them. + + 67 EXT. CHICAGO LOOP. DIAMONDVISION SCREEN 67 + + Ferris' drawing suddenly appears on the billboard. + Pedestrians stop to look. + + 68 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 68 + + He blows a smoke ring. + + FERRIS + You work so hard I'll bet you don't + even remember where those bonds are, + right? + + Ferris points a finger in the air as a cue to his father. + + TOM'S VOICE + Wrong. + + He nods. + + FERRIS + Oh, yeah? You're pulling my leg. You're + just trying to cheer me up. + + TOM'S VOICE + Like hell I am. They're in a shoebox + in my closet. + + Ferris smiles. He looks at CAMERA. He's gotten exactly what + he wants. + + FERRIS + (to CAMERA, normal + voice) + Was that a class move or what? + The guy gave it up faster than + a drunk Catholic girl. I hope my + kids don't pull this shit on me. + (thinks) + Of course, if they didn't, they'd + be dumb and abnormal and they'd + probably never move out of my + house and I'd have to support them + until I die. I take it back. + (to the phone, + sick voice) + Dad? All this talking has made me + kind of light-headed. I think + I better lie down. + + TOM'S VOICE + Okay, pal. You take care. I'll + call you after lunch. + + FERRIS + You don't have to, Dad. + + TOM'S VOICE + I want to. Bye now. + + He hangs up. Ferris sighs. + + FERRIS + You win some, you lose some. + + He turns his desk chair around and gets up. + + FERRIS + I'm so disappointed in Cameron. + Twenty bucks says he's sitting + in his car debating about whether + or not he should go out. + + 69 INT. CAR. CAMERON 69 + + He's sitting behind the wheel of his car. + + CAMERON + We're gonna get caught. No doubt + about it. + + He cuts the engine. + + CAMERON + I'm not doing it. + + He sits for half a beat. + + CAMERON + He'll keep calling until I come + over. + + He sighs and restarts the engine. Another beat. + + CAMERON + Actually, what'll happen is I'll + get caught. Ferris'll escape. + + Another beat. He stops the engine. A CRASH OF HORROR MUSIC. + + 70 CU. DRESSER DRAWER 70 + + Hands curl around the drawer pulls. The drawer is opened + slowly, ominously. The hands lift a sweater out. A HERALDIC + STING as we see a men's magazine beneath the sweater. + + INT. FERRIS' ROOM + + He takes out the magazine. He leafs through the pages for + the pictorials as he speaks. + + FERRIS + Cameron'll go on like that for a + good thirty minutes. The guy + is a shellfish when it comes to + making a decision. The reason + he doesn't fell good is, he + worries about everything. He's + the only guy I know who's deeply + concerned that when he grows up + there'll be a critical shortage + of strategic metals. + + He exits the room. + + 71 INT. HALLWAY 71 + + Ferris comes out of his room and heads down the hallway. + + FERRIS + Cameron's also the only guy + I know who knows what strategic + metals are. + (waves the magazine) + Pardon moi. + + He goes into the bathroom. We HEAR THE TOILET SEAT SLAM + DOWN. + + FERRIS + (sings) + MAYBE I'M JUST LIKE MY MOTHER, + SHE'S NEVER SATISFIED... + + 72 INT. CLASSROOM. LATER 72 + + A stunningly beautiful girl, SLOANE PETERSON, is sitting at + her desk in a history class. She's staring out the window as + a tweedy MALE TEACHER delivers a dry, dusty lecture. + + TEACHER + Roosevelt's health had seriously + deteriorated by the time he met + with Churchill and Stalin at Yalta. + (sneezes) + Pardon me. + + The classroom door opens and the school NURSE walks in. For + a moment, the teacher thinks she's come in because she heard + him sneeze. She crosses to him and whispers in his ear. + + SLOANE + + She, like the others, watches the nurse curiously. + + INT. CLASSROOM. TEACHER AND NURSE + + The teacher's face drops as he's delivered an obvious piece + of disturbing news. He nods grimly to the Nurse. She looks + at the kids. + + NURSE + Sloane Peterson? + + SLOANE + + Sits up in her seat. + + NURSE + + She's a picture of compassion and understanding. + + NURSE + May I see you outside for a moment? + There's been an emergency. + + SLOANE + + A smile curls across her lips. As she gathers her books she + looks to the GIRL next to her. + + SLOANE + (whispers) + Dead grandmother. + + 73 INT. HALLWAY 73 + + The Nurse is gently holding Sloane's hand. + + NURSE + (nods solemnly) + Dead grandmother. + + 74 CU. ROONEY 74 + + He has a suspicious look on his face. + + ROONEY + Dead grandmother? + + INT. DEAN'S OFFICE + + Rooney's at his desk. His secretary is standing across from + him. + + SECRETARY + That's what Mr. Peterson said. I + had Florence Sparrow notify Sloane. + + ROONEY + Who's this girl's going with? + + SECRETARY + It's so hard to tell. I see her + alot with Ferris Bueller. + + Rooney smiles. His suspicions are confirmed. + + ROONEY + Could you get me Mr. Peterson's + daytime number? + + As the secretary starts out of the room, Rooney's phone + rings. She stops and answers the desk phone. + + SECRETARY + Edward Rooney's office. + (pause) + Yes. Can you hold? Thank you. + + She puts the call on hold. + + SECRETARY + It's Mr. Peterson. + + Rooney is startled. He thinks for a beat then reaches for + the phone. + + SECRETARY + Do you still want his number? + + Rooney answers her with an annoyed look. She smiles and + backs out. He punches the phone button. + + ROONEY + Ed Rooney. + + MAN'S VOICE + Ed? This is George Peterson. + + ROONEY + How are you today, sir? + + MAN'S VOICE + We've had a bit of bad luck this + morning as you may have heard. + + Rooney rolls his eyes. It's so obvious it's not Mr. + Peterson. + + ROONEY + I heard. And, gosh, I'm all broken + up. Huh? Oh, sure. I'd be happy to + release Sloane. You produce a corpse + and I'll release Sloane. I want to + see this dead grandmother firsthand. + + The secretary stops cold in the doorway. She turns to Rooney + in horror. He covers the phone. + + ROONEY + (whispers) + It's Ferris Bueller. Nervy litttle + punk. I'm gonna set a trap and let + his walk right into it! + (to phone) + That's right. Cart the stiff in and + I'll turn over your daughter. It's + school policy. Was this your mother? + + Rooney's other line rings. + + 75 INT. SECRETARY'S OFFICE 75 + + She steps out of Rooney's office and picks up the other + line. + + SECRETARY + Ed Rooney's office. + + Her jaw drops. + + SECRETARY + Hold, please. + + She puts the call on hold and hangs up. She hurried into + Rooney's office. + + 76 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 76 + + Rooney's chewing out the person on the other line. + + ROONEY + I'll tell you want, you don't + like my policies, you can just + come on down and smooch by big + old ugly ass. You hear me? + + The secretary comes in. She's waving her arms furiously. + Rooney tries to wave her away. He's angry. She stomps her + foot. Rooney covers the phone. + + ROONEY + What!? + + SECRETARY + Ferris Bueller's on line two. + + CU. ROONEY'S FOOT + + It freezes in mid-tap. + + CU. ROONEY'S HAND + + The pencils falls from his fingers. + + CU. ROONEY'S FACE + + A mask of horror. He glances at the phone. + + CU. PHONE + + The second line light is flashing. + + CU. ROONEY + + He blinks, cocks his head, twitches. + + 77 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 77 + + He's zipping his pants, fastening his belt. The phone's + cradled against his shoulder. He speaks in the same voice he + used on his father. + + FERRIS + Mr. Rooney? I'm sorry to disturb + you at work but I was wondering if + it would be possible for my sister + to bring home any assignments from + my classes that I may need. + + 78 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. ROONEY 78 + + He's staring blankly ahead. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Thank you, sir. + + He nods. + + CU. PHONE + + Rooney's finger gingerly presses the button on the waiting + call. + + CU. ROONEY + + He winces as he returns to the first call. + + 79 INT. FERRIS' HOUSE. KITCHEN 79 + + Cameron's on the phone in the kitchen. He's doing a deep, + phoney "father" voice. + + CAMERON + You oughta be sorry for Christ's + sake! A family member dies and + you insult me. What's the matter + with you, anyway? + + 80 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. ROONEY 80 + + He apologies profusely to Cameron. He's perspiring, + trembling. + + ROONEY + I don't know. I thought you were + someone else. You have to know, + sir, that I would never deliberately + insult you. I can't begin to tell + you how embarrassed I am. + + CAMERON'S VOICE + Pardon my French but you're an asshole! + + Rooney nods enthusiastically. + + ROONEY + Absolutely! I most certainly am. + + 81 INT. KITCHEN 81 + + Cameron lays into Rooney. + + CAMERON + This isn't over yet, buster. You + just make sure my daughter's out + in front of the school in ten + minutes. Do you read me? + + ROONEY'S VOICE + Load and clear, Mr. Peterson. + + CAMERON + Call me sir, goddamn it! + + ROONEY'S VOICE + Sir. + + CAMERON + That's better. + + Ferris strolls into the kitchen to catch the last of the + conversation. Cameron covers the phone. + + CAMERON + (to Ferris) + I'm scared shitless, Ferris! What + is Rooney guesses my voice! + + FERRIS + Impossible. You're doing great. + + Cameron sighs and goes back to the phone. + + CAMERON + (clears his throat) + I don't have all day to bark at you + so I'll make this short and sweet. + + Ferris gives Cameron an enthusiastic thumbs up. + + FERRIS + (mouths) + Great! + + Cameron smiles proudly. + + CAMERON + I want my daughter out in front + of the school in ten minutes. By + herself. I don's want anyone around... + + Ferris smacks Cameron. He's said the wrong thing. He covers + the phone. + + CAMERON + What'd I do? + + FERRIS + Out in front my herself? It's too + suspicious! He'll think something's + up, moron. Cover it. + + Cameron panics. He holds the phone out to Ferris. + + CAMERON + You do it! + + Ferris waves his arms angrily. + + FERRIS + Talk! + + Cameron takes a deep breath. He clears his throat and puts + on his father's voice. + + CAMERON + I changed my mind, fella. You be out + in front with her! I wanna have a + few words with you! + + Ferris slaps Cameron. The phone flies out of his hand. + + 82 CU. ROONEY 82 + + He winces as the phone hits the floor with a loud CLONK! + We HEAR THE BOYS SCRAMBLING TO PICK UP THE PHONE, THEN + CAMERON CLEARING HIS THROAT. + + CAMERON'S VOICE + On second thought, I don't have + time to talk to you. We'll get + together soon and have lunch. + + We HEAR A SLAP AND THE CALL DISCONNECTS. + + 83 INT. FERRIS' KITCHEN 83 + + Cameron's rubbing the side of his head. + + CAMERON + Why'd you hit me?! + + FERRIS + Where's your brain?! + + CAMERON + Why'd you hit me?! + + FERRIS + Where's your brain?! + + CAMERON + Why'd you hit me? + + FERRIS + Where's your brain? + + CAMERON + I asked you first. + + FERRIS + How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney's + going to be there with her?! + + CAMERON + I said for her to be there alone + and you freaked! + + FERRIS + My, God, you're so stupid! + (aside) + I didn't hit you, I lightly slapped + you. + + CAMERON + You hit me. Look, don't ask me to + participate in your crap if you + don't like the way I do it! + + Ferris is incredulous at Cameron's stupidity. Cameron's + anger is intensified by his embarrassment. + + CAMERON + I was home, sick. You get me out of + bed, being me over here, make me + jeopardize my future, make me do + a phoney phone call on a dean of + students, a man who could squeeze + my nuts into oblivion and then + you deliberately hurt my feelings. + + FERRIS + I didn't deliberately hurt your feelings. + + CAMERON + Oh, really? + + FERRIS + Yeah, really. + + Cameron glares at Ferris. + + CAMERON + Hey, Ferris? Have a nice life. + + He turns and heads out of the room. Ferris sighs. + FERRIS + Cameron? + + CAMERON + Stick it up your ass, Ferris. + + FERRIS + Cameron, I'm sorry. I didn't mean + to jam you. It was uncalled for. + + Cameron stops. + + CAMERON + You're serious? + + He turns around. + + FERRIS + Dead serious. + + Cameron smiles. He appreciates Ferris apology. + + CAMERON + Thanks. + + FERRIS + You did screw up through, right? + Not that is was necessarily all + you fault. Right? + + CAMERON + (suspiciously) + Why? + + FERRIS + To fix this situation, I'm going + to have to ask you for a small favor. + + Cameron's jaw drops. + + 84 INT. GARAGE 84 + + The door opens slowly, dramatically as we hear a heraldic + fanfare. Light streams in to reveal Cameron and Ferris + looking at the car. Ferris is smiling with excitement and + awe. Cameron is frowning with trepidation and fear. + + CU. FERRARI STALLION + + The prancing black stallion. We move up from the stallion to + the erotic red hood of a 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. + + CAMERON AND FERRIS + + Cameron's face is ashen. The end of the world is at hand. + Ferris is in heaven. + + CAMERON + (grim monotone) + 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. Less + than a hundred were made. It has a + market value of $265,000. My father + spent three years restoring it. It + is joy, it is his love, it is his + passion. + + FERRIS + It is his fault he didn't lock the + garage. + + CAMERON + Ferris, my father loves this car more + than life itself. We can't take is out. + + FERRIS + A man with priorities so far out of + whack doesn't deserve such a fine + automobile. + + CAMERON + He never drives it, Ferris. He just + rubs it with a diaper. + + FERRIS + We can't pick up Sloane in your car, + Cameron. Rooney'd never believe Mr. + Peterson drives that piece of shit. + + CAMERON + It's not a piece of shit. + + FERRIS + It's a piece of shit. Don't worry + about it. I don't even have a piece + of shit. I have to envy yours. Look, + I'm sorry but there's nothing else + we can do. + + CAMERON + He knows the mileage, Ferris. He has + it tatooed on his wrist. + + FERRIS + He doesn't trust you? + + CAMERON + No. + + FERRIS + Alright, look, this is real simple. + He puts his arm around Cameron. + + FERRIS + Whatever miles we put on it, we'll + take off. + + CAMERON + (suspicious) + How? + + FERRIS + (big, proud smile) + We'll drive home backwards. + + Cameron shakes his head, no. + + CAMERON + Forget it. I'm putting my foot down, + Ferris. You'll have to think of + something else... + + CU. FERRARI GRILLE + + Cameron's protests are drowned out by the distinctive roar + of the twelve cylinders. + + CAMERON'S VOICE + ...You're not talking me into this + one. I have to live with the man. + I'm sorry but... + + The roar of the engine is overtaken by the sound of a + crowded school hallway. + + 85 INT. SCHOOL. JEANIE 85 + + She comes out of a classroom. She stops as Sloane and Rooney + walk past. Sloane has her coat on and she's carrying her + books. Jeanie watches her suspiciously. + + 86 EXT. SCHOOL 86 + + The Ferrari is parked out in front. The top is down. + + 87 INT. FERRARI 87 + + Ferris is driving. He's wearing a man's hat and sunglasses. + Cameron's in the back. + + CAMERON + Are you crazy?! Put the top back + up! + + FERRIS + This is perfect top-down weather. + CAMERON + What about Rooney? + + FERRIS + Cameron, the more obvious we are, + the less likely we are to get + caught. + + CAMERON + That makes no sense whatsoever. + + FERRIS + The adult mind is a suspicious + machine. + (look around at Cameron) + Stay down, man. + + Cameron squeezes himself lower. + + CAMERON + Howcome it's my Dad's car and + I'm taking all the risk and I have + to ride back here? + + FERRIS + I don't have an explanation. + + 88 EXT. SCHOOL 88 + + Rooney and Sloane come out the door. + + ROONEY + Once again let me say how deeply + saddened I am by your loss. + + SLOANE + Huh? + + ROONEY + Were you close to your grandmother? + + SLOANE + Oh. Um. Yeah. Very. She was a terrific + lady. Very hip. Very old. Yeah. + + DEEP VOICE + Oh, Sloane! Dear! + + Sloane looks across at the Ferrari. Rooney looks. + + THEIR POV + + Ferris is looking out across the roof of the Ferrari. He's + careful to keep his nose and mouth below the roofline. + + FERRIS + Hurry along now! + + EXT. SCHOOL + + Rooney's suspicious. Sloane smiles and bids Rooney a hasty + farewell. + + SLOANE + I guess that's my Dad. Thanks. + See ya. + + She hurries to the car. Rooney watches her. Something does + compute for him. + + 89 INT. SCHOOL. JEANIE 89 + + She's watching out the door. She sees the Ferrari pull away. + + 90 EXT. SCHOOL. ROONEY 90 + + He can't quite put his finger on what's bothering him. + + 91 INT. FERRARI 91 + + Sloane shrieks with delight. She leans across the console + and gives Ferris a kiss. + + SLOANE + This is so great! I can't believe + it! Right in front of Rooney! + + She laughs and turns to Cameron. + + SLOANE + Hi, Cameron. You comfortable? + + CAMERON + Hi. No. + + SLOANE + What a fabulous car! + + CAMERON + Enjoy it quick. It' s going home. + + FERRIS + It was risky, it was bold but + it was totally necessary. + + SLOANE + What're we gonna do? + + FERRIS + The question isn't "what are we + gonna do", the question is "what + aren't we going to do." + + CAMERON + Don't tell me we're not going to + take the car home. Please. + + FERRIS + (to CAMERA) + If you had access to a car like this + would you take it back right away? + Would you give up feeling like a + ton just to ease your best friend's + tension? + + He smiles. + + FERRIS + Either would I. + + 92 EXT. STREET. FERRARI 92 + + It accelerates away like a shot. + + 93 EXT. SUBURBAN BANK 93 + + A fresh, modern bank building. The clock outside read 9:53. + The Ferrari pulls into the parking lot. + + 94 INT. BANK. DOORS 94 + + Ferris, Cameron and Sloane walk in. Ferris is cocky and + confident. Sloane's still intoxicated with her freedom. + Cameron's having stomach trouble. Ferris leads the way to an + open teller window. + + INT. BANK. TELLER + + A WOMAN about seventy with a silver blue beehive. It's about + four inches higher the highest beehive you're ever seen. As + she moves the beehive hits a small sign over her head. She's + been at the bank since they opened. She smiles when she sees + Ferris. + + TELLER + Ferris Bueller? + + FERRIS + + He's at the window. On either shoulder are Cameron and + Sloane. Ferris smiles. Cameron blanches. + + FERRIS + Hello, Mrs. Froeling. How are you? + + TELLER + + She pats the rock-solid mass of blue hair. In doing so she + locates a missing ball point pen. She withdraws it from the + hair and smiles at it's reappearance. + + TELLER + I passed a kidney stone Tuesday, so + I'm a little pooped but other than + that, I'm as chipper as can be. + (something occurs to her) + Say, should you be in school? + + FERRIS + + He lays his savings bonds on the counter. + + FERRIS + Me? + (polite laugh) + I'm out of school, Mrs. Froeling. + In fact. I'm married. This is my + wife...Madonna. + + Sloane suppresses a laugh. + + FERRIS + (to Cameron) + And this is my brother-in-law, + ZZ Top. ZZ, this is Mrs. Froeling. + + Cameron isn't amused. + + TELLER + (to Cameron) + Is Top a Slavic name? + + CAMERON + Yeah. + + FERRIS + I'd like to cash these in, please. + We're having a baby and we need the + cash for a crib, clothes, diapers, + food pellets, leash, water dish... + + INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW + + Mrs. Froeling takes the bonds with a hearty smile. The + latter part of the conversation sails over her like a line + drive. + + TELLER + A baby! + (to Sloane) + You must be so excited. + + Cameron groans and turns away from the sham. + + SLOANE + I'm thrilled, ma'am. I'm especially + looking forward to wearing those + jeans with the stretch panel in + front. + + Mrs. Froeling thumbs through the bonds. + + TELLER + Are you hoping for a boy or + a girl? + + SLOANE + Actually, we're hoping for a car. + + CU. CAMERON + + He's spooked by the games playing. He scans the bank + nervously. He blinks, focuses, blinks again. + + HIS POV + + Joyce is with a MIDDLE-AGED COUPLE and their bored, + sour-puss teenage son, BOYD. He's sitting in a chair with + his legs slung over the sides waving a Bic lighter back and + forth across his rump. The parents are Joyce's clients from + Vermont. A LOAN OFFICER is discussing the local financing + situation with them. His is an open office adjacent to the + teller windows. Joyce's back is to the tellers. + + CU. CAMERON + + It's like he's just witnesses an ax murder. + + CAMERON + Shit... + + INT. BANK. JOYCE + + Her back is to the teller windows. She's conducting her + meeting. Behind her we see Cameron grab Ferris and point her + out to him. He waves. Cameron slaps his arm. + + INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW + + Mrs. Froeling shows Ferris the savings bonds. + + TELLER + These bonds aren't mature. If you hold + onto them another two years you'll get + an additional four dollars... + + FERRIS + I'm aware of that. + + TELLER + You're throwing away four dollars. + + FERRIS + No, ma'am, I'm giving it to the + government. They need it. Do you + know what an aircraft carrier's + going for these days? + + INT. BANK. JOYCE + + She concludes her meeting. She shakes hands with the loan + officer and stands. The Vermont Couple stands. Boyd scrapes + the bottom of his shoe on the desk, leaving a glob of mud + behind and he stands. Joyce turns into the bank. Ferris, + Cameron and Sloane are gone. She escorts her customers out. + + INT. BANK. DOOR + + Joyce and the Vermont Couple approach the doors. Boyd lays a + luggie in the drinking fountain. Mrs. Froeling passes with + the savings bonds. She stops when she sees Joyce. + + JOYCE + Mrs. Froeling, how are you? + + MRS. FROELING + I passed a kidney stone Tuesday. + (shifts gears, to Joyce) + Say, you must be very proud. + + Joyce doesn't know what she's talking about. + + MRS. FROELING + (whispers) + I met Madonna. + + She pats Joyce on the arm. + + MRS. FROELING + She told me everything. Keep me posted, + I'll want to send a gift. + + She toodles on her way. Joyce and the Vermont Couple are + completely baffled. + + 95 EXT. BANK 95 + + Joyce and the Vermont Couple walk along the side of the + bank, heading for the parking lot. Boyd's tagging along + behind. He picks up a stone and hurls it into the parking + lot. + + JOYCE + My son's home sick today. If + you wouldn't mind, on our way + back to the office, I'd like + to just run in and check up on him. + + We HEAR A METALLIC PING! as Boyd's missle hits a car. + + MOTHER + Of course. + + They pass a show window. As they pass, we hold on the + window. It's promoting saving for college educations. A + mannequin father is congratulating his mannequin son in a + mortar and gown as a stiff Sloane, Ferris and Cameron look + on proudly. + + 96 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 96 + + His secretary is dialing a number for him. + + SECRETARY + This is the Peterson's home. + + She hands the phone to Rooney. + + SECRETARY + Watch your mouth this time. + + Rooney glares at her. + + ROONEY + Ferris Bueller's behind this. There's + no doubt in my mind. That's what I was + saying this morning. Why he has to be stopped. + He's got Sloane Peterson involved in this + thing now. See? + + The secretary nods. + + SECRETARY + And her grandmother, too. + + 97 CU. PHONE ANSWER MACHINE 97 + + It clicks on. We hear a grieved woman's voice. It sounds an + awful lot like Sloane. + + SLOANE + We can't come to the phone right now. + We've had a death in the family. If + you need to reach us we'll be at + the following number... + + 98 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 98 + + Rooney quickly takes down a number. + + 99 EXT. CAMERON'S HOUSE 99 + + His answering machine clicks on. We hear Cameron's voice. + + CAMERON'S VOICE + You have reached the Coughlin Bros. + Mortuary. We are unable to come to + the phone right now but if you'll leave + your name and number... + +100 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 100 + + Rooney hangs up the phone. + + ROONEY + Something's going on, goddamn it. + + The secretary's looking at a newspaper on Rooney's desk. + She's not listening to him. + + SECRETARY + There's a railroad strike. + + ROONEY + And I'm going to stop it! + + SECRETARY + My brother-in-law'll appreciate it. + + Rooney looks at her, puzzled. + + ROONEY + What? + + SECRETARY + My brother-in-law rides the train + to work. + + Rooney stares at her like she's crazy. + + ROONEY + Who gives a good goddamn? + +101 EXT. EDENS EXPRESSWAY 101 + + The major thoroughfare into the city of Chicago from the + suburbs. The Ferrari streaks past. In the distance we see + the Sears Tower, the Hancock Building and the Standard Oil + Building. + +102 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 102 + + Jeanie's walking down the hall. She's stopped by a KID with + a Coke can. + + KID + Yo. We're collecting money to + buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney. + + Jeanie stares at him. She's flabbergasted at the proportions + her brother's scan has reached. + + KID + They run about fifty g's so it + you could help out... + + JEANIE + Go piss up a flagpole! + + KID + Huh? + + She knocks the can out of his hands and storms down the hall. + The kid yells after her. + + KID + Hey, babe! Some day you might + need a favor from Ferris Bueller! + Then where'll you be?! + + He reaches for the can. + + KID + Heartless wench... + +103 EXT. CHICAGO LOOP. PARKING GARAGE 103 + + The Ferrari pulls into a large parking garage. + + EXT. GARAGE + + Ferris, Sloane and Cameron get out. Cameron's having fits. + + CAMERON + We can't leave the car here! + + FERRIS + Why not? + CAMERON + Because we can't! I want it back + home where it belongs! + + SLOANE + What could happen to it? + + CAMERON + It could get stolen, wrecked, scratched, + you name it. + + FERRIS + I'll give the guy a five to watch it. + + CAMERON + What guy? + + CU. PARKING ATTENDANT + + He smiles with relish at the car. 6'6", 240. An IQ that + equals his hourly wage. Shoulder-length hair stuffed into a + hairnet Gold teeth. Earring. Goatee. + + EXT. PARKING LOT + + The Attendant swaggers over to the car. Ferris slips him a + give. + + FERRIS + You speak English? + + ATTENDANT + Since I was three. + + FERRIS + Great. I want to you take extra special + care of this vehicle, okay? + + He pats the Attendant on the arm. He smiles. + + ATTENDANT + Like it's a beautiful woman. + + FERRIS + I appreciate it. + + The Attendant very gingerly gets into the car. Ferris turns + to Cameron. The Ferrari pulls into the lot very slowly, very + carefully. No squealing tires, no revving engine. + + FERRIS + See what a finski can do to + a person's attitude? He's going + to treat it like a beautiful + woman. + + CAMERON + Yeah, sure. Whip it with a stick + and piss on the hood. + + SLOANE + Oh, please, Cameron. Do you have to + be so graphic? + + She heads down the street. + + SLOANE + This is so right! + + Ferris nudges Cameron on. They exit the garage and head + after Sloane. A long beat and the Ferrari creeps down the + exit ramp of the garage. It's gone in the entrance and out + the exit. Another attendant jumps in the passenger side. + He's skinny, tall, with a huge knit hat willed with dreads. + He lets out a spirited laugh and the Ferrari peels out of + the lot. It heads down the street away from Sloane, Ferris + and Cameron. + +104 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 104 + + Joyce's care pulls in the driveway. She gets out and heads up + the house. + +105 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 105 + + It's dark. There's a figure in the bed. We hear soft + snoring. A wire runs from under the bed covers to the closet + door to the door to the room itself. + + INT. ROOM. DOOR KNOB + + The wire is tied to the doorknob. It's taut. Downstairs, we + hear a door open and close. + +106 INT. HOUSE. STAIRWAY 106 + + Joyce quietly walks up the stairs. + +107 INT. HOUSE. HALLWAY 107 + + Joyce comes up the stairs and crosses to Ferris' room. She + listens at the door. WE HEAR THE SNORING. + + CU. DOORKNOB + + Joyce slowly turns the doorknob and pushes the door open a + crack. + + HER POV + + The door opens and the figure-like lump in the bed moves. + + CU. JOYCE + + She smiles and closes the door. + +108 INT. ROOM. CLOSET 108 + + The closet door is open. The wire from the bedroom door is + strung over the top of the closet door. A trophy is attached + to the end of the wire and it's resting on a yard stick. As + the bedroom door closes, the trophy lifts up off the + yardstick and the lump in the bed goes back down to it's + original position. + + CU. FERRIS' SYNTHESIZER + + Little LED's are lighting up to the rhythm of the snoring. + The snoring it simulated. + +109 INT. HALLWAY 109 + + Joyce listens at the door another beat. She's smiles with + relief and affection. + +110 EXT. SEARS TOWER. LATER 110 + + HELICOPTER SHOT moves in on the world's tallest building. As + it passes we see three figures pressed against the windows. + + FERRIS (VO) + This is the world's tallest building. + From our vantage point here on the + 103 floor, we are provided with a + view of four states. + + CAMERON (VO) + Do you think the car's alright? + + FERRIS (VO) + Illinois, Michigan, Wisconsin and + my personal favorite, Indiana. + +111 INT. SEARS TOWER OBSERVATION DECK 111 + + Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are standing against the window. + + CAMERON + I don't feel good, Ferris. Are + we gonna stay long? + + FERRIS + Take a step back... + + Ferris steps back. Sloane and Cameron follow suit. + + FERRIS + Now, lean against the glass. Like + this... + + He leans forward, putting all his weight on his forehead. + + FERRIS + And look down. + + Sloane leans forward. Cameron follows, reluctantly. + + SLOANE + Oh, shit! + + HER POV + + The street far, far below. A dizzying view. + + INT. OBSERVATION DECK + + The three are leaning against the glass. + + SLOANE + What if the glass gives? + + FERRIS + Death. + + SLOANE + Cool. + + CU. CAMERON + + He's looking down. + + CAMERON + I think I see my Dad. + +112 EXT. STREET LEVEL 112 + + A middle-aged man, Cameron's father, HORACE FRYE, is + standing on the street corner. He's lean, clean, tough and + humorless. He's wearing a puzzled look on his face. + + CAMERON'S FATHER + I think I see my car. + + HIS POV + + The Ferrari screams down the avenue and disappears down the + underground ramp. + +113 INT. SEARS TOWER LOBBY 113 + + Ferris and Sloane bound down the escalator. Cameron follows + glumly. They dance past the giant Calder mobile. They're + singing. + + FERRIS AND SLOANE + I BEEN ALL 'ROUND THIS GREAT BIG WORLD + AND I'VE SEEN ALL KINDS OF GIRLS + YEAH, BUT I COULDN'T WAIT TO GET + BACK IN THE STATES + BACK TO THE CUTEST GIRLS IN THE WORLD + I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA + I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA + +114 EXT. STREET 114 + + Ferris and Sloane burst out the doors garnering the annoyed + stares of the business people busily going in and out of the + building. Cameron politely waits his turn to exit. Ferris + and Sloane head down the street. Cameron follows. + + FERRIS AND SLOANE + I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA GIRLS! + +115 EXT. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE 115 + + Giant old monolith. + +116 INT. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. TRADING ROOM 116 + + Traders are frantically buying and selling commodities. + +117 INT. GALLERY 117 + + Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the gallery + watching the proceedings. + + SLOANE + Do you love me? + + FERRIS + Do you love me? + + SLOANE + I asked you first. + + FERRIS + Yes. You? + + SLOANE + Yes. + + FERRIS + Would I trash a day of education to + be with you if I didn't love you? + + SLOANE + Yes. + + FERRIS + Would I risk damaging a deep and + wonderfully enriching relationship + with my parents if I didn't love you? + + SLOANE + Yes. + + FERRIS + Would I have introduced you as my wife + if I didn't love you? + + SLOANE + Wait a minute. That was a lie. + + FERRIS + True. + + Ferris puts his arm around Sloane. + + FERRIS + Would you want to get married? I + mean if I wasn't an asshole. + + SLOANE + Sure. + + FERRIS + (serious) + Today? + + Sloane stares at him. Is he serious. + + FERRIS + I'm game. + + SLOANE + No way! + + FERRIS + I'll do it, if you will. + + Cameron suddenly adds his two cents. + + CAMERON + You need a blood test. + + Ferris looks around at him. + + FERRIS + Huh? + + CAMERON + If your blood's not compatible, + you could produce a pinhead. The + state requires a blood test. + + FERRIS + So? + + CAMERON + So, you can't get married today. + + FERRIS + Tomorrow? + + CAMERON + If you get a blood test today. + + SLOANE + I'm not getting married. + + CAMERON + I'm with you, babe. + + FERRIS + Why not? + + SLOANE + What do you mean, why not? Think + about it. + + FERRIS + Besides being too young and your + father hating my guts and not + having any place to live and feeling + awkward about being the only cheer- + leader with a husband, give me a + good reason why not. + + CAMERON + I'll give you two. My mother and + father. + + Ferris and Sloane look at him curiously. + + CAMERON + They're married and they hate each other. + (to Ferris) + You've seen them. Am I right? + + FERRIS + You're father's a toad and your + Mom's always wired out, but so what? + They're old. That's natural. + + CAMERON + It makes me puke. Seeing people + treat each other like that. It's + like the car. He loves the car. + He hates his wife. + + SLOANE + My parents are divorced. So what? + It's not like it doesn't happen + ten thousand times a day. + + CAMERON + Just because it happens doesn't + make it right. Are you comfortable + with it? + + SLOANE + No. It's not something I can get comfortable + with. I've tried. Are yours divorced? + + CAMERON + They may as well be. + + SLOANE + Do you think they're staying together + because of you? + + Cameron hasn't seen it that way. He shrugs. + + SLOANE + Do they like you? + + It hasn't occured to Cameron that his parents might not like + him. That parental love might not be a given. + + CAMERON + Yeah. Sure. + + SLOANE + Consider this...my father canned me + and my brother and my Mom for a + twenty five year old dipso with fake + tits. He dropped us like a rock. Everything + was cool at our house. I thought so. + We all thought so. Then BLAM! It's over. + + FERRIS + (to CAMERA) + This is all news to me. She keeps a + pretty good secret. + + SLOANE + (to Cameron) + It was pure selfishness. When I have + a kid, I don't care how much I want + something, if it's gonna screw-up the + kid, forget it. + + FERRIS + (to CAMERA) + She's not lying. + + CAMERON + You could change. + + SLOANE + Yeah. But I'm gonna try not to. + I'm gonna think about it. I'm + gonna try to prevent it. + + FERRIS + This is optomism. It's a common + trait with my age group. Adults + think it's cute, it's like a charming + quick that infests youth. But it's + a cool thing and I think, deep down, + crusty old shits wish they had some. + They wish they had her, too. + (points to Sloane) + Sorry. She's taken. + + CAMERON + I'd rather not have my family break + apart, thank you. + + SLOANE + Well, you know what? It ain't up + to you. It's out of your hands. + + CAMERON + So, I in other words, I should just + sit back and watch it crumble? + + SLOANE + You're merely an inhabitant in their + universe. + + FERRIS + Frightening choice of words. + + SLOANE + They call the shots. When you split + from them, you call the shots. + + CAMERON + So, you're saying I should run away? + + FERRIS + No. She's saying it's time for lunch. + + SLOANE + What? + + FERRIS + Let's go feed Cameron. + + They stand up and head out. Ferris hangs back a moment. He + cups his hands to his mouth. He yells at the top of his + voice. + + FERRIS + BUY! + + And he exits. Cool and casual. + +118 INT. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. TRADING FLOOR 118 + + It explodes with activity in response to Ferris' shout. + We HEAR A RADIO ANNOUNCER. + + ANNOUNCER + Commodity prices rose sharply today + in unusually heavy trading... + +119 EXT. RESTAURANT 119 + + A French restaurant on the Gold Coast. It's noon. + +120 INT. RESTAURANT 120 + + Ferris, Sloane and Cameron are standing in the restaurant. + Ferris is looking at the maitre 'd's reservations book. + + HIS POV + + His fingers runs down to a party of three for 12:00. + + INT. RESTAURANT + + The maitre'd returns. + + MAITRE'D + (to Ferris) + May I help you? + + FERRIS + Yes. I'm Abe Frohman. Party of + three for 12:00. + + The maitre'd looks at Ferris curiously. + + FERRIS + Is there a problem? + + MAITRE'D + You're Abe Frohman? + + FERRIS + I'm Abe Frohman. + + MAITRE'D + (chuckles) + I'm sorry, son. I'm very busy right + now. If you have trouble finding the + door... + + Sloane tugs Ferris' sleeve. He ignores her. + + FERRIS + Are you suggesting that I'm not + who I say I am? + + MAITRE'D + Shall I call the police? + + CAMERON + Let's go...Abe. + + FERRIS + I'm not going anywhere. + (to the Maitre'd) + Call the police. Go ahead. Better + yet... + (grabs the phone) + ...I'll call myself. + + Cameron chokes. Sloane grits her teeth. The maitre'd smiles + smuggly. + + CU. PHONE + + Ferris punches out a number. A beat and the restaurant's + second line lights up and the phone rings. + + INT. RESTAURANT + + The maitre'd motions for the phone so that he can answer the + call. Ferris waves him off angrily. + + FERRIS + You touch me and I yell "rat!" + There's another phone around here. + Find it. + + The maitre'd backs off. + + CAMERON + Ferris, let's split, please? + + SLOANE + Cameron's right. We're gonna + get busted. + + FERRIS + Not a chance in the world. + + He hands the phone to Sloane. + + FERRIS + Ask for Abe Frohman. + + INT. RESTAURANT. LATER + + Ferris, Sloane and Cameron are seated in the restaurant. The + maitre'd is hovering over Ferris. + + MAITRE'D + I appreciate your understanding. + + FERRIS + Don't grovel, Charles. Just leave + us to our repast and all will be + forgotten. + + MAITRE'D + Enjoy your luncheon. + + FERRIS + Thank you. + + The maitre'd backs away. Ferris smiles. Sloane is impressed. + Cameron is flushed with nerves. + + FERRIS + Darling, you were wonderful. + + SLOANE + Oh, but I had a wonderful teacher. + + FERRIS + Cameron, dear friend? + + Cameron looks to Ferris. + + FERRIS + And you thought we wouldn't have + any fun. Shame on you. + + Ferris disappears behind his menu. + +121 EXT. SCHOOL 121 + + We HEAR HALLWAY SOUNDS AND JEANIE. + + JEANIE (VO) + Ferris Bueller's days are numbered. + +122 INT. GIRL'S LOCKER ROOM 122 + + Jeanie's sitting on a bench in a field hockey uniform. She's + talking to a FRIEND. + + JEANIE + (mean, vicious) + I'm gonna bust his buns. + + FRIEND + Why? What's the point? + + JEANIE + Why? Because I'm sick of the little + dope. He manipulates my parents, he + does whatever he wants, whenever he + wants and he never gets nailed. + (wicked pause) + Well, babe, today I'm the hammer. + + She yanks angrily on the velcro strap on her sneakers. The + straps rip off in her hand. + + FRIEND + I think he's cute. + + JEANIE + Sweetie, it's an established fact that + you have no taste. Ferris is not cute. + He's not charming. He's not nice. He's + not a wonderful person. He's an ignorant + mule and the sooner everybody in this + school comes to that realization the + better off we'll all be. + + She displays the velcro straps to her friend. + + JEANIE + See? My brother strokes you, you + sympathize with him, I get pissed + off and this is what happens! + + Jeanie tosses the straps on the floor. + + JEANIE + Let me tell you something. I study + hard, I work hard, I'm polite, I'm + considerate, I'm friendly and fair + to all kinds of people. Except + morons. I try to be everything a + good, decent person should be and + you know what? + + FRIEND + Everybody thinks you're an asshole. + + Jeanie freezes with her next sentence pinned to her tongue. + + JEANIE + Excuse me? + + FRIEND + I don't think you're an asshole. + + JEANIE + Who does? + + Her friend smiles sheepishly. + + JEANIE + Rachel? + + Jeanie's friend shrugs, wags her head, does everything but + verbally confirm. + + JEANIE + Rachel's a dirt bag. Who else? + + FRIEND + I don't know. Just forget it. + + JEANIE + Forget that everybody thinks I'm an + asshole? Would you like everybody to + think you're an asshole? + + FRIEND + Not everybody thinks you're an + asshole. Mr. Rooney likes you. + + JEANIE + Oh, hey. That's exciting. A fat + fifty year old clod with B.O. + likes me. + + Jeanie shakes her head in disbelief. + + JEANIE + Would everybody be happier if + maybe I were to die in a flaming + car accident or something? + + FRIEND + Maybe if you didn't cat like and + asshole... + + JEANIE + Am I acting like an asshole? + + FRIEND + I didn't mean it that way. + + JEANIE + I this a conspiracy to shit all + over me or something? Is my brother + behind this? Tell me if he is or I'll + sock your tits. + + FRIEND + You really do have a problem, Jeanie. + + JEANIE + Me? I have a problem? + + FRIEND + Somebody who threatens to sock people's + tits has a problem. + + JEANIE + Alright. How about if I sock your + face? + + Jeanie's friend gets up. + + FRIEND + Take a walk, Jeanie. + + Her friend exits. + + JEANIE + (yells after her) + If it means anything to you, I + have my period! MY BODY'S RIDDING + ITSELF OF OLD EGGS, GODDAMN IT! + + She snarls and slumps against the lockers. + + JEANIE + He's gone. He's over. He's monkey meat. + +123 INT. MEN'S ROOM. CHEZ PAUL 123 + + Ferris is standing at the urinal. + + FERRIS + She's a person who views life as + an ordeal that must be endured. Her + body is a transport vehicle for her + anger. I don't know where she gets + this shit. Basically, the family's + pretty cool. + + He looks down at the urinal. + + FERRIS + I wonder if everybody shoots at + cigarette butts in urinals? Probably + not many women. + (continues) + I used to think that my family was + the only one that had weirdness + in it. It used to worry me. Then I + met Cameron and I saw how his + family functioned. + + He zips this trousers and steps away from the urinal. + + FERRIS + Cameron's home life is really shit. + He wasn't lying. That's why he's sick + all the time. It really upsets him. + What he said about his parents hating + each other? I refuse to sleep over at + his house. His parents fight all the + time. Even when I'm there. Is there + anything worse than being at somebody's + house when their parents are fighting? + It's the absolute height of social + discomfort. + + He checks his hair in the mirror. + + FERRIS + When they go after each other, Cameron + tightens up. It's scary. He gets so + wadded-up, you couldn't pry his buns + apart with a crowbar. The thing with + taking his old man's car? It's good + for him. It teaches him to deal with + his fear. Plus, and I must + be honest here, I love driving it. + I highly recommend picking one up. + + He exists the men's room. We hold a beat. A toilet flushes. + Another beat and Tom walks out of the stall. He crosses to + the sink. + +124 INT. RESTAURANT 124 + + Cameron and Sloane have been served their lunches. They're + staring at the plates. + + CAMERON + What is it? + + SLOANE + I don't know. But it looks like + it's already been eaten and digested. + + CAMERON + I knew it was a mistake letting + Ferris order for us. + + Ferris slides over to the table and drops into his seat. + + FERRIS + What are you doing? + + Cameron looks at Ferris. + + CAMERON + What is this shit? + + FERRIS + You got me. I don't speak French. + + He puts his napkin in his lap and smells his plate. + + FERRIS + I think it's a land-based beefoid + creature. + + He takes a bite. He savors the taste. + + FERRIS + Splendid. + + CAMERON + Really? + + FERRIS + Superb. + + Cameron and Sloane try theirs. They chew tentatively. + + FERRIS + Good? + + Sloane and Cameron shrug. It's not bad. A WAITER passes. + Ferris stops him. + + FERRIS + Yo, Clouseau! + + The waiter stops and looks at Ferris indignantly. + + FERRIS + I have a growth on my brain that + causes memory lapses. Could you + tell me what we ordered here? + + The waiter glances at the plates. + + WAITER + Sweetbreads. + + FERRIS + Uh, huh. And what might that be? + + WAITER + Pancreas. + + FERRIS + As in the gland that has important + functions in digestion and metabolism? + + CU. SLOANE AND CAMERON + + They stop chewing. They're holding their sweetbreads in their + mouths. + + CU. FERRIS + + He continues his questioning. + + FERRIS + ...That secretes a thick, colorless fluid + containing digestive enzymes? The home + of the world famous isles of Langerhans? + + CU. WAITER + + He nods broadly, knowing that he's spoiling the kids' meal. + + CU. SLOANE AND CAMERON + + They look at each other. + + CU. FERRIS + + He pats his mouth with his napkin. He looks to Cameron and + Sloane. He raises a finger, holds it a beat and gives a cue. + + CU. WAITER + + He turns away as Sloane and Cameron spit out their food. + + CU. FERRIS + + He watches Sloane and Cameron then glances at the waiter. + + FERRIS + Check, please! + +125 EXT. RESTAURANT 125 + + Tom and his two GUESTS are standing at the curb, talking. A + cab is waiting. The door's open. In the B.G. Ferris, Sloane + and Cameron come out of the restaurant. They approach the + cab. Tom's back it to Ferris. Ferris stops cold. + + FERRIS, SLOANE, CAMERON + + They turns on cue at Tom, now in the B.G., turns toward the + restaurant. + + FERRIS + 40,000 restaurants in the downtown + area and I pick the one my father + goes to. + + CAMERON + We're gonna get nabbed, for sure. + + FERRIS + No way, Cameron. Only the meek + get nabbed. The bold survive. + Let's go. + + He turns to the cab. Sloane and Cameron turn slowly. + + EXT. STREET. CAB + + Tom and his party are still jawing at curbside. Ferris, + Sloane and Cameron slowly approach the cab. Behind the backs + of the men, Ferris scoots Sloane into the cab. Cameron + dashes in. The Ferris hops the cab. + + INT. CAB + + Ferris slams the door. + + CU. CAB DOOR HANDLE + + A man's hand reaches for the handle as the cab pulls away. + + EXT. RESTAURANT + + Tom and his guests watch in bewilderment at their cab takes + off. MUSIC COMES UP. + +126 EXT. MUSEUM OR SCIENCE AND INDUSTRY 126 + + The grand old Chicago museum. + +127 INT. MUSEUM. OVERHEAD SHOT 127 + + The main gallery is crowded with school kids. + + INT. MUSEUM. FLOOR + + A class of kids walking along holding hands. Among the + second graders are Ferris, Sloane and Cameron, holding hands + looking like giant grade schoolers. + + INT. MUSEUM. DISPLAY CASE + + Baby chicks are hatching in a huge, round incubator. Sloane, + Ferris and Cameron are intently watching the process. + + INT. MUSEUM. COAL MINE + + Sloane, Ferris and Cameron ride in the coal train in the + coal mine replica. Ferris and Sloane are making out. + + INT. MUSEUM. INDUSTRIAL DISPLAY + + Sloane operates a metal press to produce a tin ashtray. + + INT. MUSEUM. HEART REPLICA + + A giant, walk-thru replica of a human heart. Ferris staggers + out of it, clutching his heart, feigning a massive heart + attack. + + INT. GERMAN U-BOAT + + Ferris is examining the controls of the captured U-Boat. He + checks to see if he's being watched then he presses a button + and pulls a lever. + + CU. PROPELLER + + For the first time in forty years, the screw turns. + + CU. HUMAN FETUS IN A BOTTLE + + The famous stages of life display which features bottled + fetuses. The ninth month. A tiny human being in a jar. + + CU. SLOANE, FERRIS, CAMERON + + Sloane wants to cry. Cameron's stomach is in his throat. + Ferris is lost in thought. The MUSIC ENDS. + + SLOANE + (remorsefully) + I wonder if he has a name? + + FERRIS + (blank) + Ninth Month. + +128 EXT. CHICAGO RIVER. LONG, HIGH SHOT 128 + + From the Merchandise Mart, looking down the fetid, green + swath of water. A boat is rolling up the man-made canyon. + + CAMERON (VO) + Are you guys worried about nuclear war? + + FERRIS (VO) + Cameron, it's a beautiful day, we've + won our freedom, we're traveling down + one of American's most scenic polluted + waterways and you have to bring up + nuclear war? + + SLOANE (VO) + It is kind of raggy subject, Cam. + + CAMERON (VO) + Regardless. It's with us every day. + The possiblity of global destruction. + + SLOANE (VO) + Don't you think it's an issue because + people need something to worry about? + They have to like, have some major + problem that puts all their little + bullshit into some kind of persepective? + + CAMERON (VO) + Maybe. + + FERRIS + They used to have Viet Nam. They + used to have the oil crisis stuff + and Iran. That's over and people + have to have their big issue. It's + not like somebody came up with the + nuclear holocaust yesterday at + noon, you know. + + SLOANE (VO) + To answer your question...No, I'm not + worried about it at all. + + FERRIS (VO) + We don't know when the bombs going + off. We do know, however, that college + starts in the fall. + + CAMERON (VO) + (dramatic, deadly serious) + Do you know what a nuclear winter is? + + Long beat. + + SLOANE (VO) + Yeah. Everybody's dead, it's real + cold and the skiing's for shit. + + The boat makes the turn in the river and CLEARS FRAME. + + EXT. BOAT DOCK + + The three are sitting on the aft deck of the tour boat. + Their feet are up on the railing. Very casual, very relaxed. + Discussing the end of the world. + + SLOANE + My step-father's always going off about + how when he was young he was committed to + all these causes. + + FERRIS + He's full of shit. All the old hippies + are full of shit. + + SLOANE + He says I don't care about things like + he did. + + FERRIS + What's he care about now? + + SLOANE + Baldness, fatty meats and money. + + FERRIS + I rest my case. + + CAMERON + What's spooky is they still control + everything. They took over when they + were young and they never gave it up. + + FERRIS + One of the most frightening experiences + of my young life has been observing + my parents and our neighbors playing + the Baby Boom Edition of Trivial Pursuits. + It's chilling to see people crazed with + the minutia of their past. + + CAMERON + It's human nature to like what you had + better than what you have. + + SLOANE + Agreed. + + A loud speaker on the boat identifies a point of interest. + + LOUDSPEAKER + TO YOUR LEFT IT THE WORLD'S TALLEST + BUILDING... + + The three look to the left. + + LOUDSPEAKER, FERRIS, + SLOANE, CAMERON + The Sears Tower. + + CAMERON + You know, this is all very interesting + but I'm starving. + + FERRIS + An hour ago you wanted to yack. + + CAMERON + I feel better now. + + FERRIS + Lean over and grab a fish. + + Cameron looks over the side of the boat. An obtuse thought + flashes through Sloane's brain. + + SLOANE + What comes after a nuclear winter? + + FERRIS + Nuclear spring. + +129 EXT. SCHOOL 129 + + Meanwhile... + +130 INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE DEAN'S OFFICE 130 + + Jeanie is having a small moral debate with herself. + + JEANIE + It's reprehensible to squeal on + your own flesh and blood...but it's + for his own good. His cavalier + attitude will get him into trouble + later in life...and it'll continue + to piss me off and I'll get so + wadded-up that it'll cause cervex cancer + and he'll ruin my life. Screw him. + + She slips into the Dean's outer office. + +131 INT. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE 131 + + Rooney's secretary is behind her desk. Jeanie walks in. The + secretary looks up and greets her with a weary smile. + + SECRETARY + Hello, Jeanie. Who's bothering + you now? + + Jeanie scowls at her. + + JEANIE + Is Dean Rooney in? + + SECRETARY + I'm sorry, he's out. Can I help you? + + JEANIE + (condescending) + I seriously doubt it. When's he back? + + SECRETARY + I don't know. He left the grounds + on personal business. + +132 EXT. STREET. CU. CURB 132 + + A car tire rolls into FRAME and stops. Slide across to the + sidewalk. Rooney's dress shoe steps out onto the pavement. + Move up to reveal Rooney standing at the door of his + bile-green LeBaron. Rooney peels off his shades and looks + around like he's Dirty Harry. In his mind he is Dirty Harry. + + CU. FIRE HYDRANT + + Rooney's dres shoe on the hydrant. He ties his lace and + pulls up his sock. + + EXT. STREET + + Rooney straightens his tie and jacket and slips into a rowdy + hot dog joint. + +133 INT. HOT DOG STAND 133 + + It's jammed with construction workers, secretaries, suburban + businessmen. It's loud and confusing. Rooney pushes his way + in and scopes the crowd. + + HIS POV + + A young person is playing a video game in a far corner. + + CU. ROONEY + + He suspects it's Ferris. It look sort of like Ferris. He + smiles and cuts into the crowd. + + CU. THE BACK OF THE VIDEO PLAYER'S HEAD + + MOVE IN on the player. + + ROONEY (OC) + I've been waiting a long time + for this. + + The player looks up. + + ROONEY (OC) + Your ass is mine. + + The player turns around. It's a GIRL. + + CU. ROONEY + + The blood evacuates his face. He stares at the girl. + + CU. GIRL + + She stares at him. She picks up her Coke. She puts the straw + to her lips and sucks. + + CU. ROONEY + + He's still staring. He can't think of anything to say. + + CU. GIRL + + Holding the straw in the mouth, she draws it out of the cup. + She raises it, pointing it directly in Rooney's face. + + CU. ROONEY + + He squints + + CU. GIRL + + She blows a strawful of Coke in Rooney's face. + + CU. NAPKIN HOLDER + + A hand yanks a napkin hold. + + INT. HOT DOG STAND. SERVICE COUNTER + + Rooney wipes his face. Behind him is the kitchen and a + grease-covered TV set broadcasting a Cubs baseball game. + There's a long foul ball. The TV camera follows the ball + into the stands. A kid makes a stab at the ball. Rooney + wipes his suit off. The TV camera zooms in on the boy + triumphantly holding the foul ball aloft. It's Ferris. + He does a little celebration dance. Rooney wads up the + napkin and tosses it in a trashbin. The TV camera returns to + the game. Rooney glances at the screen. + + ROONEY + What's the score? + + HOT DOG MAN + Zero to zero. + + ROONEY + Who's winning? + + HOT DOG MAN + Cubs. + + Rooney nods and exits. + +134 EXT. WRIGLEY FIELD. STANDS 134 + + Ferris sits down with the baseball. He shakes his stinging + paw. On either side of him are Cameron and Sloane. Cameron's + scarfing nachos. + + FERRIS + I think I broke my thumb. + + SLOANE + Can we leave now? + + FERRIS + You want to leave? We just got here. + + SLOANE + You got a call, you broke your thumb, + what's left to do? + + Cameron offers his nachos to Sloane. She looks at them with + disgust. + + SLOANE + No wonder you're always sick. + + Ferris leans back, puts his hands behind his head and turns + his face to the bright sun. + + FERRIS + Do you realize that if I played by + the rules, right now I'd be in gym? + +135 EXT. HIGH SCHOOL. PLAYING FIELD 135 + + A boy's gym class is doing laps. A blue Fiat pulls into the + shot. + +136 INT. FIAT 136 + + Jeanie's at the wheel. She sneaks a glance at the school. + + JEANIE + I can't believe my brother's making + me put myself in a position where I + could get expelled. Selfish little + moron. + (pause) + Ferris? You're overshadowed + me long enough. I'm gonna get + you, buddy. + + She puts the car in gear and drives out of the shot. + +137 EXT. STATE STREET 137 + + A parade is underway. Floats and politicians. Marching + bands, drum and bugle corps, soldiers, school kids. Figure + skating club in outfits and skates performing their routines + on pavement. It's GERMAN-AMERICAN APPRECIATION DAY. + + EXT. STATE STREET. FLOAT + + Riding atop on a float is Ferris. He's waving to the crowd. + He and half a dozen homely German-American Beauty Queens. + He's leading the girls in singing, "DANKE SHOEN". + + EXT. STATE STREET. SLOANE AND CAMERON + + They're watching Ferris go by. They wave to him. + + SLOANE + I love him. + + CAMERON + It's hard not to. + + Cameron breaks a smile. As worried as he is about the day + and getting caught, he has to admire Ferris for his lack of + inhabitions. Cameron mumbles a few words. + + CAMERON + Stop...water...want... + + SLOANE + Do you believe in reincarnation? + + CAMERON + Huh? + + SLOANE + Do you believe that you lived before? + + CAMERON + Yeah. Sort of. + + SLOANE + DO you ever wonder what you were? + + CAMERON + I don't have to wonder. I know. + + Sloane looks at him with amazement. + + CAMERON + I was a tractor tire. + + EXT. STATE STREET. FLOAT + + Ferris is on his knees, reaching down from the float, + shaking hands with people in the crowd. + + FERRIS + Guten tag, dude! + + EXT. STATE STREET + + Sloane and Cameron continue their conversation. + + CAMERON + What were you in a previous life? + + SLOANE + I'm not sure but I think I know + who Ferris was. + + CAMERON + Hannibal. + + SLOANE + From the A-Team? + + CAMERON + No. The guy who rode the elephants + into Switzerland. + + Sloane laughs at herself. They step out of the crowd and + head down the street in the direction the parade's heading. + + SLOANE + I think if he was anybody, he + was Magellan. You know, the guy + who went around the world. + + Cameron nods. + + SLOANE + I could see him ignoring popular + belief and taking off on some + impossible mission. + + CAMERON + Yeah. As long as I've known him, + everything works for him. There's + nothing he can't handle. I can't + handle anything. School, parents, + the future. Ferris can do anything. + + EXT. STATE STREET. FLOAT + + Ferris is playing "TWIST AND SHOUT" on the accordian. The + girls on the float are singing. + + FERRIS + WELL, SHAKE IT UP, BABY, NOW! + + GIRLS + SHAKE IT UP, BABY + + FERRIS + TWIST AND SHOUT! + + GIRLS + TWIST AND SHOUT! + + FERRIS + COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, BABY ON! + COME ON AND WORK IT ON OUT! + + GIRLS + WORK IT ON OUT! + + EXT. STREET. SLOANE AND CAMERON + + They continue their conversation. + + SLOANE + The future's worse for a boy, isn't + it? + + Cameron doesn't understand what she means. + + SLOANE + A girl can always bail out and + have a baby and get some guy + to support her. + + CAMERON + That's a pretty grim thought. + + SLOANE + True, but it's an option. No options + is worse. + + CAMERON + I don't know what I'm gonna do. + + SLOANE + College. + + CAMERON + Yeah, but to do what? + + SLOANE + What are you interested in? + + CAMERON + Nothing. + + SLOANE + Me either. + + They walk on for a few beats. We HEAR "TWIST AND SHOUT" + GROWING LOUDER AND LOUDER. The sons is taking over all the + other tunes in the band. It's infecting the entire parade. + + CAMERON + What do you think Ferris is gonna + do? + + EXT. STATE STREET. MARCHING BAND + + They're playing TWIST AND SHOUT. + + EXT. STREET. MOUNTED POLICE OFFICER + + He's singing. + + POLICE OFFICER + YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO GOOD! + + EXT. STREET. PUNKS + + A band of PUNKS are dancing on the roof of a news kiosk. + + PUNKS + LOOK SO GOOD! + + EXT. STREET MOTHER AND HER CHILDREN + + A WOMAN and her two TODDLERS sing along. + + WOMAN + YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO FINE! + + TODDLERS + LOOK SO FINE! + + EXT. STREET. BLACK TEENAGER + + He's wearing a shower cap and a maroon overcoat. + + TEENAGER + COME ON AND TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! + + EXT. STREET. OLD NEWSPAPER SELLER + + He singing along. + + NEWSPAPER SELLER + TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! + + EXT. STREET. CHOIR GROUP + + They're marching down the parade. They're singing in their + angleic voices. + + CHOIR + AND LET ME KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! + + EXT. STREET. STREET CLEANERS + + With their brooms ready... + + STREET CLEANERS + KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! + + EXT. STREET. DECK + + The entire parade is singing and playing "TWIST AND SHOUT". + + EXT. STREET. VIEWING STAND + + The POLITICIANS and their WIVES stand up. + + POLITICIANS AND WIVES + AH! + + EXT. STREET. VIEWING STAND + + The CLERGYMEN stand. + + CLERGYMEN + AH! + + EXT. STREET. VETERANS + + Marching in formation and in WWII uniforms. + + VETERANS + AH! + + EXT. STREET. FLOAT + + Ferris leads the Beauty Queens in the rousing finale. + + FERRIS + AH! + + EXT. STREET. WIDE AND HIGH + + The entire parade is at frenzy pitch. + + PARADE + AHHHHH! + + The SOUND OF THE VOICES blends with the SOUND OF A RED-LINED + HIGH PERFORMANCE ENGINE. + +138 EXT. CALUMET CITY 138 + + The Port of Chicago. Grim, gritty waterfront. Suddenly, + Cameron's father's car flies OVER CAMERA. Like the opening + shot in Star Wars. The Starship Ferrari. SLO-MO. + + CU. FERRARI UNDER-CARRIAGE + + It travels past to reveal a beautiful blue sky. SLO-MO. + + CU. PARKING ATTENDANT + + His eyes are wide with exhilaration. Mouth open, tongue out. + Maniac at the wheel. SLO-MO. + + CU. RASTAMAN + + His eyes are closed. Big smile. SLO-MO, + + EXT. STREETS. KIDS + + They're looking up in the air, following the car as it flies + over them. Broad, excited smiles. The car's shadow passes + over them. SLO-MO. + +139 CU. CAR GRILLE 139 + + It fills the frame and stops. We MOVE UP to reveal Rooney + behind the wheel of his car. + + EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE + + Rooney gets out of his car. He looks at the house, looks up + and down the street, then crosses to Ferris' house. + +140 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 140 + + Rooney's at the front door. We see him peek in a window at + the top of the door. The doorbell rings. + +141 INT. HOUSE. FERRIS' ROOM. COMPUTER 141 + + It acknowledges the doorbell. + + CU. CASSETTE PLAYER + + It clicks on. + +142 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT PORCH 142 + + The house intercom activates. We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE. + + FERRIS + Who is it? + + Rooney presses the intercom. + + ROONEY + This is Ed Rooney, Ferris. I'd + like to have a word with you. + + FERRIS' VOICE + I'm sorry I can't come to the door + right now. I'm very ill and I'm + afraid that in my weakened condition, + I could take a nasty spill down the + stairs and subject myself to further + school absenses. + + There's a pause. Rooney presses the intercom again. + + ROONEY + B.S. Come down here. + + FERRIS' VOICE + You can reach my parents at their + places of business. Thank you for + stopping by. I appreciate your concern + for my well-being. It will be remembered + long after this illness has past. + + His voice clicks off. Rooney presses the intercom again. + + ROONEY + I'm not leaving until you come + down and talk to me. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Have a nice day. + + Rooney presses the intercom. + + ROONEY + I'm not leaving, Ferris. + + There's no response. Rooney rings the doorbell again. The + pre-recorded litany starts over. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Who is it? + + Rooney doesn't realize that he's listening to a recording. + + ROONEY + Don't get smart with me Ferris! + + FERRIS' VOICE + I'm sorry I can't come to the door + right now. I'm very ill and I'm + afraid that in my weakened condition... + + Rooney leans back from the door. He can't quite figure out + what's going on. But's it's highly suspicious. + +143 INT. HOUSE. LIVING ROOM 143 + + Rooney steps through the hedges and peeks in the windows. We + HEAR FERRIS' VOICE inside. + + FERRIS' VOICE + You may reach my parents at their + places of business. + +144 INT. HOUSE. KITCHEN 144 + + Rooney tries to peak in the kitchen window. + + FERRIS' VOICE + I appreciate your conern for my + well-being. It will be remembered + long after... + +145 EXT. HOUSE. BACKDOOR 145 + + A black rubber doggie door. The type that allows a dog to + come and go as it pleases. Rooney is crouched down. He lifts + the doggie door and peeks in the house. + + HIS POV + + Along the kitchen floor. Through the kitchen, into the + dining room. We hear a LARGE DOG GROWL. + + CU. ROONEY + + He's peaking through the door. He hears the dog. His face + freezes. + + FERRIS + Have a nice day. + + EXT. HOUSE. DOGGIE DOOR + + A Rottweiler bursts through the doggie door in a fury of + gnashing teeth and foam. + +146 CU. LARGE BREASTS 146 + + Tassled pasties twirl like airplane propellers. + + CU. CAMERON, FERRIS AND SLOANE + + They're sitting in a booth in the garish, nearly deserted + strip joint. Cameron's mouth is open in amazement. Sloane is + embarrassed and revolted. + + CAMERON + How does she do that? One goes + one way, one goes the other. + + FERRIS + She's probably schizophrenic. + + SLOANE + Ferris, this is nauseating me. + Really. I'm losing respect for + you by the bucket. + + FERRIS + You don't think it's amazing that + we got in? + + SLOANE + Who wants to get in? + + FERRIS + Cameron looks like a toddler, for + Christ's sake. I'm talking about + a major achievement in false + identification. + + SLOANE + I'm not interested in watching + someone jiggle their mammary glands. + + FERRIS + Point well taken. But consider why + she does it. Why she does it and + you don't. + + SLOANE + I'm not a tramp. + + FERRIS + Maybe her life fell apart. Maybe she + lost somebody. A lover. A boyfriend. + A parent. A child... + (to CAMERA) + This kind of thing makes me a little + depressed. You may think because I'm + the age I am that I'm a sex maniac. + That sex is all I think about. + But that's not true. I'm a romantic. + I think alot of people my age are. + We think about love and matters of + the heart. And SAT scores and acne + aside, we worry about lonliness. It's + a terrible thing. And we feel it. I + feel it. + + He flips his collar up, curls his lip and affects an Elvis + impression. A sappy, do-wop track FADES UP. The club lights + go down. Cameron and Sloane disappear into darkness. Ferris + stands up from the booth. He strolls slowly through the + empty club as the stripper bumps and grinds in a pool of + blue light. + + FERRIS + You know, someone said the world's a + stage and each must play a part. + Fate had me playing in love, with you + as my sweetheart. Act one was when we + met. I loved you at first glance. You + read your lines so cleverly and never + missed a cue. Then came act two. You + seemed to change. You acted strange. + And why, I've never known. + + He climbs up on the little runway. The stripper disappears + in darkness as Ferris takes over the spotlight. + + FERRIS + Honey, you lies when you said you + loved me and I had no cause to + doubt you. But I'd rather go on + hearing your lies than to go on + living without you. Now, the stage + is bare and I'm standing there with + emptiness all around and if you won't + come back to me, then they can bring + the curtain down... + + Elvis fades up. The orignal recording. Ferris lip synchs + with the big, dramatic florish that was the King's trademark + ballad sign-off. + + ELVIS + IS YOUR HEART FILLED WITH PAIN? + SHALL I COME BACK AGAIN? + TELL ME DEAR, ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT? + + Ferris drops his head. Like the King would. + +147 EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET. CAMERON'S CAR 147 + + Cameron's father is looking at the car. He's studying it. It + looks terribly familiar. He leans into the open car and + reaches for the glovebox to see if the contents will confirm + if it's his. He freezes. He looks up slowly. + + HIS POV + + The Attendant and the Rastaman are glowering at him. They're + holding bags of fried chicken. + + ATTENDANT + You looking for something in my + car? + + CU. CAMERON'S FATHER + + He shakes his head, no. + + CAMERON'S FATHER + No. + +148 EXT. FERRIS' TOWN. JEANIE 148 + + Jeanie's standing at her car. She's staring incredulously + into the distance. Her mouth's open. She's shaking her head + slowly. + + HER POV + + Spray-painted on the town water tower in gigantic black + letters -- SAVE FERRIS BUELLER. + + CU. JEANIE + + She's furious. + + JEANIE + I'm gonna microwave his nuts... + +149 EXT. MICHIGAN AVENUE 149 + + Afternoon traffic. + +150 INT. TAXI CAB 150 + + Ferris, Sloane and Cameron in the backseat of a checker. + Ferris is on one window, Cameron on the other. Sloane's in + the middle. Ferris is talking to the DRIVER. + + FERRIS + So... + + He leans forward and reads the driver's name off the city + license. + + FERRIS + So, Yuri, how long have you been + in America? + + DRIVER + One year. + + FERRIS + What's your overall impression? + + DRIVER + It's very good here. + + FERRIS + Better than Russia? + + DRIVER + Much better here than in Russia. + + FERRIS + Clearly you've never been to an + American high school. + + Ferris sits back. He puts his arm around Sloane. + + CAMERON + It's getting late, Ferris. I have + to get the car home. I know you + don't care, but it means my ass. + + FERRIS + You think I don't care? + + CAMERON + I know you don't care. + + FERRIS + That hurts, Cameron. + + SLOANE + Jump back, Ferris, Cameron's been + a good sport. + + FERRIS + Cameron, what'd you see today? + + Cameron looks at him. + + FERRIS + You saw four states, a submarine, + a giant heart, seventy five dollars + worth of cooked pancreas, two of the + most incredible breasts ever to come + out of modern plastics, major + league baseball and... + (quizical look) + Are you gonna chuck your nachos? + + Cameron's staring past Ferris. He's frozen. Ferris realizes + he's looking at something out the window. He turns. He + freezes. + + HIS POV + + In the gridlock traffic, their cab is squeezed tight + alongside another cab. In that cab is Tom. He's about a foot + from Ferris. He turns and looks right into CAMERA. + + TOM'S POV + + Ferris' frozen face. + + FERRIS' POV + + Tom glances back at his paper. He pauses. Looks up. Thinks. + Turns back to CAMERA. + + TOM'S POV + + Sloane is sitting where Ferris was. She's wearing + sunglasses, looking bored. She turns and glances out the + window. Fakes a yawn. + + HER POV + + Tom stares at her. He's baffled. He looks away. + + INT. CAB. FLOOR. + + Cameron and Ferris are on the floor. On their asses, with + their backs to the back of the front seat, feet up on the + seat. + + FERRIS + (to Sloane) + What's he doing? + + SLOANE + (revolted) + He's looking at me and he's licking + the glass and making obscene gestures + with his hands. + + FERRIS + What?! + + Sloane bursts out laughing. + + SLOANE + Roast! + + She licks her finger and touches Ferris knee. She makes a + sizzling sound. She collapes on the seat in hysterics. + + INT. TOM'S CAB + + Tom's looking into Ferris' cab. + + HIS POV + + Sloane's bouncing up and down. + + CU. TOM + + He can't quite figure out what's going on. He turns and + slowly raises his newspaper over his face. We see on the + back of the paper a small story with the headline: COMMUNITY + RALLIES AROUND SICK YOUTH. + +151 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE. BACKYARD. DOG 151 + + The Rottweiler's chewing on a shoe. Tearing it apart. + + EXT. BACKYARD. ROONEY + + He's standing outside the fence. He's missing a shoe. His + suit pants are torn from the crotch to the knee. His suit + coat pocket is torn off. His hair's messed and there're + grass-stains on his knees and elbows. He's looking in at the + dog. + + ROONEY + That's a $28.00 dress shoe, you + worthless mutt! + + HIS POV + + The Rottweiler leaps at CAMERA. + +152 EXT. CITY STREET 152 + + Ferris is leading the way down Michigan Avenue. He's + hustling through the crowd. He has Sloane by the hand. She's + jogging to keep up. Cameron's a few steps behind. He keeps + bumping into people. Ferris and Sloane make the turn at + Wacker Driver and disappear into the Stone Container + Building. Cameron follows, mumbling again. + + CAMERON + Money...tits...please... + +153 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT 153 + + A florist truck pulls up in front of the house. A DELIVERY + MAN gets out iwth a huge floral arrangement. He heads up to + the house. + +154 EXT. HOUSE. PORCH 154 + + Rooney's sitting on the porch patting a bloody knee with his + handkerchief. The delivery man hops up on the steps. Rooney + looks up at him. He greets Rooney cheerily. + + DELIVERY MAN + Howdy! + + He presses the doorbell. A beat and we hear Ferris' + recording. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Who is it? + + The Deliver Man presses the intercom. + + DELIVERY MAN + Focus on Flowers. I have a delivery. + + FERRIS' VOICE + I'm sorry but I can't come to the + door right now. I'm very ill and I'm + afraid... + + ROONEY FERRIS' VOICE + It's a recording, asshole. ...that in my weakened + condition, I could take a + DELIVERY MAN nasty spill and subject + What's your problem? myself to further school + absenses... + ROONEY (pause) + He's one of my students. You can reach my parents + at their places of + DELIVERY MAN business. Thank you for + Little bugger's dying. stopping by. I appreciate + your concern for my well- + ROONEY being. It will be + What? remembered long after + this illness has passed. + + DELIVERY MAN + As I heard it from our mailman + he was supposedly born with only + half a kidney. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Have a nice day. + + DELIVERY MAN + (to the intercom) + Thank you. + (continues) + I don't know the details. But my + boss had to send to Milwaukee to + get more orchids. He's very + popular. + + Rooney is flabbergasted. + + DELIVERY MAN + Nobody's home here? + + ROONEY + No. + + DELIVERY MAN + You gonna be around for awhile? + + ROONEY + I imagine so. + + DELIVERY MAN + You wanna keep an eye on these? + + Rooney looks at the flowers. Then he looks at the Delivery + Man. + + DELIVERY MAN + (happy sigh) + It really touches me that so many people + are rallying behind this guy. I guess + there's hope for the human race afterall. + + He hands the arrangement to Rooney. + + DELIVERY MAN + Gotta run. + + He bounds off the porch and trots to the truck. Rooney looks + incredulously at the arrangement. He opens the attached + card. + + ROONEY + (defeated) + Oh, Christ... + + CU. CARD + + It's signed: + + ALL OUR BEST FOR A SPEEDY RECOVERY + THE ENGLISH DEPT. FACULTY AND STAFF + +155 INT. RADIO STATION STUDIO 155 + + The number one afternoon FM rock'n roll D.J. is sitting + behind his microphone. + + D.J. + I don't know who that was or + what they were playing but I + apologize for it nonetheless. + (pause) + I have a guest with me today... + +156 INT. STUDIO. FERRIS 156 + + He put his headphones on. + +157 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 157 + + Jeanie's car pull in the driveway. We hear her car radio. + + D.J. + His name is Ferris Mueller. + + FERRIS + Bueller. Ferris Bueller. + + INT. CAR. JEANIE + + She goes into shock. Her eyes blink, her head cocks. + + D.J. + Sorry about that. + + FERRIS + It's cool. + + Jeanie draws back and punches out her radio. + + CU. CAR ANTENNA + + The impact of her blow to the radio shoots the antenna in + the air. + +158 INT. STUDIO 158 + + Ferris leans forward and adjusts the microphone. + + D.J. + He has an incredible story. + + Ferris turns to CAMERA. + + FERRIS + I'm going to tell a massive lie here. + It's going to by very thick and very + steamy. I think radio's a facinating + medium, it challenges the imagination. + Unlike television which provides the + images, radio... + (pause) + You know this. Anyway, it's always been + a dream of mine to be on the radio. + I have what I consider to be an excellent + broadcast voice. I practise it in the + bathroom all the time. I used to play + records and do introductions to them. + But I've never had the chance to sit + behind a microphone and try it out + for real. This is a 50,000 watt outlet. + I'm going out to several million people + so let me just say, I'm in a very pleasant + groove right now. + (clears his voice, + speaks into the + mike, affects a + "radio" voice) + Well, Steve, you and your listeners are + probably not going to believe this but... + +159 INT. SCHOOL 159 + + A group of kids are sitting around a blaster. + + FERRIS' VOICE + ...I'm the first Chicago area youth + to be selected to participate in + a space shuttle mission. + +160 INT. STUDIO 160 + + Ferris turns from the mike to CAMERA. + + FERRIS + I was going to say I knew Springsteen's + home phone number and I was going + to give out the number of the New + Jersey State Police but I thought I + might get busted. After I got flunked + in driver's ed for sideswiping a mail + box, which was not in any way, shape + or from my fault. I was putting out a + cigarette, like I was told. It was weird. + I'm so used to getting in a car and + lighting up, because I'm not allowed to + smoke at home, that I got in the driver's + ed. car and spaced completely, pulled out + of the lot, lit up a 'boro and Mrs. Heller + looked at me like I'd just pulled a bunny + out of my nose or something and I realized + what the hell I was doing and I went to + put it out and hit the mail box. Anyway, + I was so pissed off at her reaction to + the whole thing that I considered running + an ad in a sleaze magazine for a school + teacher that does phone sex and I was gonna + use Mrs. Heller's home number but is cost + too much. I took it again and passed. But + I had to work at Burger King to get the + cash to pay for the driver's ed. car. The + car got fixed in auto shop for nothing and + I think Rooney pocketed the cash. But I + can't prove it? I'm in high school, remember? + + He turns back to the DJ. + + D.J. + How did you get picked for this. + + FERRIS + It's kind of a long story but I've + been doing alot of programming for + NASA. + +161 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 161 + + A even larger group of kids is listening to the blaster. + They're cheering him on. + +162 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE. BACKYARD 162 + + The Rottweiler is laying unconscious on the lawn. The flower + arrangement is scattered all over the yard and the ceramic + vase the flowers were in has obviously struck the dog. The + broken pieces are all around the dog's head. + + EXT. FERRIS HOUSE. BACKYARD. ROONEY + + He's smiling with great satisfaction. + + ROONEY + Sleep tight, pooch. + + He hears something in the house. His head snaps around. He + drops down and peek in the windows. + + HIS POV + + A glimpse of a fleeting figure. + + CU. ROONEY + + His eyes dance in anticipation of revenge. + +163 INT. HOUSE. FERRIS' ROOM 163 + + Jeanie kicks the door open. The yardstick flings the covers + and the pillows beneath them in the air. She stomps in and + turns off the snoring synthesizer. + + JEANIE + I knew it! + + She grabs the phone and sits down. She dials a number. + +164 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT 164 + + Rooney sneaks around the side of the house. He slinks up on + the porch. The front door's open. He peeks in. + +165 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 165 + + Jeanie's on the phone. + + JEANIE + Is Mrs. Bueller there? Where is she? + This is her daughter. Do you know where + she is? Do you know when she'll be back? + Do you know anything? + + She slams the phone down. + + JEANIE + The worm has luck like clams + have body odor... + + She's startled by a noise downstairs. A smile spreads across + her face. He's back and she's going to nail him. + +166 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 166 + + Rooney sneaks into the house. He looks around the foyer and + heads into the kitchen. + +167 INT. HOUSE. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY 167 + + Jeanie tiptoes down the stairs. + +168 INT. HOUSE. KITCHEN 168 + + Rooney sneaks through the kitchen into the den. + +169 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 169 + + Jeanie comes down the stairs into the foyer. + +170 INT. HOUSE. KITCHEN 170 + + Rooney comes out of the den, back into the kitchen. He + crosses back toward the foyer. + +171 INT. FOYER 171 + + Jeanie sneaks into the kitchen. + +172 INT. KITCHEN 172 + + Jeanie and Rooney come face-to-face. Jeanie squeals in + horror. She doesn't recognize Rooney as himself but as an + intruder. She drops into a karate stance and kicks Rooney in + the face. He hits the deck. She flees back up the stairs. + +173 INT. CAR 173 + + Boyd is sitting in the backseat of Joyce's car listening to + the radio. + + FERRIS' VOICE + My input on the Star Wars defense + plan was pretty substantial so I + guess this is their way of rewarding + me. I'm pretty flattered. + + EXT. CAR + + Joyce and her clients leave a show house and head toward the + car. + + INT. CAR + + Boyd looks out the window as his parents and Joyce appear. + + D.J. VOICE + Can you stay around and take a few + phone calls? + + FERRIS' VOICE + I'd really like to but I have a kidney + operation in about an hour. + + EXT. CAR + + Joyce and her clients take one last look at the house. + + JOYCE + If you're willing to commit a + little time and a little money + to this place, you can really + have something to be proud of. + Don't let the black living room + throw you off. + + She opens the car door. + + INT. CAR + + The door opens. + + D.J. VOICE + I wish you the best of luck. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Thanks, Steve. + + D.J. VOICE + A very interesting guy, Ferris Bueller. + + Joyce gets in. The clients get in the other side. A song + starts. + + JOYCE + (to the kid) + Well, Boyd, how are you bearing + up? + + The kid stares at her. + + JOYCE + Did I tell you I have a son + your age? + + BOYD + Twice. + + JOYCE + His name is Ferris. I think you'd + like him. + + Boyd sits up in the seat at the mention of Ferris' name. + + BOYD + Is he going up in the space shuttle + in September? + + Joyce looks around at Boyd. She gives him a curious look. + + JOYCE + Not that I know of. + + BOYD + I knew he was bullshitting. + + MOTHER + Watch your mouth. + + BOYD + How do you watch your mouth? + + JOYCE + Do you know my son? + + FATHER + Don't pay any attention to him. + He thinks it's cute to bait adults. + + BOYD + I don't think it's cute. I think + it's fun. + + Joyce give him a puzzled smile and starts the car. + +174 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 174 + + Jeanie's on the phone. She's in a panic. + + JEANIE + This is not a phoeny phone call. There's + an intruder, male caucasian, possibly armed, + certainly weird, in our kitchen. + (pause) + My name is Bueller. + + There's another pause. Jeanie's face drops. + + JEANIE + It's real nice that you hope my + brother's feeling better but I'm + in danger, okay? I'm very cute, + I'm very alone and I'm very + protective of my body. I'd rather + not have it violated or killed. + I need help! + +175 INT. KITCHEN 175 + + Rooney's plugging his bloody nose with paper towel. The + intercom goes on. + + JEANIE'S VOICE + Excuse me. If whoever's in the house + is still in the house, I'd like you + to know that I have just called the police. + If you have any brains whatsoever, you'll + get your ass out of my house real quick. + + Rooney stiffens with fear. + + JEANIE'S VOICE + I'd also like to add that I have + my father's gun. And a scorching + case of herpes. + +176 EXT. STREET 176 + + Rooney's car is hooked to a tow truck. It's parked in front + of a fire hydrant and the windshield is decorated with + parking citations. In the distance SIRENS WAIL. + +177 EXT. PARKING LOT 177 + + The three are waiting for the Ferrari. We HEAR TIRES + SQUEALING, AN ENGINE REVING-OUT. Then the Ferrari pulls down + the ramp and jams to a frightening stop. A BLACK GUY jumps + out. Ferris hands him the parking stub. + + FERRIS + Just out of curiosity, what was + your top speed coming down the + ramp? + + BLACK GUY + (matter-of-fact) + About 60. + + FERRIS + Stunning! + + He hands him a buck and opens the door and pulls the + passenger seat forward for Cameron. + + FERRIS + This is probably the last time you'll + have to ride back here. Keep that in + mind. + + Cameron gives him a look and squeezes in. + +178 EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET 178 + + The Ferrari cruises through traffic. + + INT. FERRARI + + Sloane's in the passenger seat. Ferris is driving and + Cameron is crammed in the back. + + SLOANE + What's next. + + CAMERON + Nothing. We return the car. + + SLOANE + We could go to my house. My parents + aren't coming home until late. + + FERRIS + We have enough cash left for a quick + flight to Peoria and back. + + CAMERON + Very funny. + + Ferris looks in the mirror and changes lanes. He glances + down at the speedometer, then to the road. And back to the + speedometer. + + FERRIS + Cameron? How many miles did you + say this thing had when we left? + + CAMERON + One hundred and twenty six and + halfway between three and four + tenths. Why? How many miles are + on it now? + + He glances down at the speedometer. + + CU. SPEEDOMETER + + The odometer reads 432.7. + + FERRIS + (to CAMERA) + Here's where Cameron goes berserk. + + EXT. TRAFFIC + + The Ferrari pulls up at a stop light. We HEAR A THUNDERING, + MUFFLED SCREAM. + + EXT. EXPRESSWAY + + The Ferrari is buzzing through traffic. + + INT. FERRARI + + Sloane turns in her seat and looks at Cameron. Her gesture + is one of genuine support. + + SLOANE + You okay? + + CU. CAMERON + + His eyes are frozen in a mindless, vacant stare. + + CU. FERRIS + + He looks at Sloane. He's concerned. + + FERRIS + Hey, Cameron. It's okay. We'll fix + it. + + CU. CAMERON + + He's still holding the stare. He starts to breathe heavily. + He's trembling. + + CU. SLOANE + + She whips around in the seat and grabs his arms. + + SLOANE + Cameron! Cut it out! What's + wrong?! Ferris! + + CU. FERRIS + + He shoots Sloane a look. + + FERRIS + Cameron, are you okay? It's + no problem, really. Your old + man won't know a thing. It's + completely fixable. + + INT. FERRARI + + Sloane fires an angry look at Ferris. + + SLOANE + Shut-up! It is a problem! For + him it's a problem. Nothing's + a problem for you. But it's + a problem for him! So, just + shut-up. + + She turns back to Cameron. + + SLOANE + What can I do, Cameron? + + CU. FERRIS + + Eyes front. He knows what he's doing. + +179 INT. FERRIS' HOUSE. FOYER 179 + + The doorbell rings. The Ferris' tape is activated. + + FERRIS VOICE + Who is it? + + We hear a MALE VOICE over the intercom. + + VOICE + Anybody home? + + FERRIS' VOICE + I'm sorry that I can't come to + the door right now... + + The tape continues as Jeanie hurtles down the stairs. + + JEANIE + I'm saved! Thank you, God! + Thank you, thank you, thank you! + + She jumps the last few stairs and slides to the front door. + She whips it open. + +180 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT DOOR 180 + + The door swings open. + + JEANIE + Thank...you... + + Her jaw goes slack. She blinks her eyes. + + HER POV + + The Delivery Man and a young ASSISTANT are standing at the + door with floral arrangements. Spread all around them are + more flowers. A sexy singing NURSE and a BALLOON MAN steps + up on the porch. + + NURSE + (sings) + WE HOPE YOU'RE FEELING BETTER + WE HOPE YOU'RE FELLING FIT + WE... + + The door slams shut. + +181 EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET 181 + + Rooney's walking down the street. A school bus is crawling + alongside him as kids hang out the windows. From inside we + hear SHOUTING and seventeen different SONGS PLAYING ON + BLASTERS. A top forty montage. + + KID + Hey, Mr. Rooney! What're you doing? + + Rooney doesn't respond. + + ANOTHER KID + Did you get in a fight? + + Rooney keep walking. The bus doors open. The DRIVER calls + out to him. + + DRIVER + You want a lift? + + Rooney takes a few more steps. He stops. The bus stops. + Rooney takes a deep breath. He climbs aboard the bus. + +182 INT. BUS 182 + + The bus is jammed with WONKS and WEINERETTES. The passengers + are silent as they watch Rooney shuffle down the aisle and + take an empty seat next to a skinny, myopic GIRL. + + CU. GIRL + + She looks at Rooney and smiles. She pushes her Coke bottle + glasses up on her nose. + + CU. ROONEY + + He looks vacantly at her. + + CU. GIRL + + She holds her smile. + + GIRL + I'll bet you never smelled a + real school bus before. + + CU. ROONEY + + He stares at her. + + CU. GIRL + + She holds up a candy package. + + GIRL + Gummi Bear? + + CU. ROONEY + + He stares at her. + + CU. GIRL + + She puts one in her mouth. + + GIRL + They've been in pocket. They're + real soft and warm. + + CU. BOY + + A rotund FRESHMAN BOY sitting across from Rooney is staring + at him. + + CU. ROONEY + + He looks across to the kid. + + CU. BOY + + He leans forward. + + FRESHMAN BOY + It's kind of like being in the + belly of the beast isn't it? + + CU. ROONEY + + He turns him eyes to the front. The bus jerks forward and + pulls away. + +183 EXT. BUS 183 + + It grinds through the gears as it heads down the quiet + street. The BLASTERS go back on, the SHOUTING RESUMES. + +184 EXT. PARK 184 + + Cameron's laying on a picnic table. Sloane's sitting beside + him on the table. She's stroking his hair. Ferris WALKS INTO + THE FOREGROUND. He addresses CAMERA. + + FERRIS + This may very well be for real. I + think Cameron might have blown a + micro-chip or two. He's always been + a little keyed-up. All I wanted to do + was give him a good day. We're + gonna graduate in a couple of months. + Then we have the summer. He'll work + and I'll work. And we'll see each + other at night and on the weekends + but then he'll go to one school and I'll + go to another. And basically that'll + be it. As much as we like each other, + the process of growing up will + separate us. + + He begins to walk. We follow him. + + FERRIS + Sloane's a bigger problem. She still + has another year of high school. How + do I deal with that? I was serious when + I said I'd marry her. I would. This isn't + just teenage infatuation. That's what my + parents call it. What do they call what they + have? If that's love, I'll take infatuation. + + CU. CAMERON + + His eyes are closed. Sloane's stroking his hair. + + FERRIS (VO) + Cameron's never been in love. At + least no one's ever been in love + with him. He's gonna marry the first + girl he lays. And she's gonna treat + him like shit because he's gonna + kiss her ass for giving him what he's + built-up in his mind as the end-all, + be-all of human existance. She won't + respect him because you can't respect + someone who kisses your ass. It just + doesn't work. + + CU. SLOANE + + She's studying Cameron's face. She looks away. + + SLOANE + Ferris? + + CU. FERRIS + + He looks to the picnic table. Then back to CAMERA. + + FERRIS + I'm being tested here. + + He starts back to the picnic table. + + FERRIS + My best friend has flipped-out. + Conventional wisdom would suggest + a visit to the nearest trauma + center. I wouldn't fault anybody + for doing that. My, personally, + I think this calls for something + new, something bold, something wet + and wild. + +185 CU. JACUZZI JET 185 + + UNDERWATER SHOT. A hyrdojet spews a gush of air bubbles. + + CU. BLASTER + + A finger pushes the PLAY button on the cassette. MUSIC COMES + UP. + + CU. BEER CAN LID + + The finger pops a beer. + + CU. OREO PACKAGE + + A painted fingernail pierces the cellophane wrapper. + + INT. JACUZZI + + Ferris and Sloane are in Sloane's parents' Jacuzzi. Their + clothes are tosssed around the deck. Cameron's been placed + in a patio chair at the edge of the Jacuzzi. He's still + catatonic. He's mummbling softly. Ferris is drinking a beer. + Sloane's eating Oreos. + + FERRIS + You feeling any better, Cameron? + + SLOANE + The water's really nice. I wish + you'd come in. + + CU. CAMERON + + Staring into space. + + CAMERON + Surgery...fire...move... + + CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS + + They look at each other. She offers him a cookie. He offers + her his beer. + + FERRIS + Cameron? Do you think this because + of the car or is it a combination + of everything shitty in your life? + + CU. CAMERON + + He doesn't respond. + + CAMERON + Music...kiss...attack... + + CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS + + Sloane sips the beer. + + FERRIS + You just can't deal with anymore + shit? The car took you into the + red zone? Time for a reality check? + + SLOANE + Cameron? I could flip real easy, too. + There's nothing wrong with it. At one + time or another, everybody goes to + the zoo. + + FERRIS + Maybe he was actually sick. Maybe + he wasn't bullshitting himself. + + CU. CAMERON + + No response. + + CAMERON + Gesundheit...God...mercy... + + EXT. BACKYARD + + Ferris and Sloane watch their catatonic friend. + + CU. CAMERON + + He smiles. + + CU. SLOANE + + She leans forward and stares at Cameron. + + CU. FERRIS + + He cocks his head, wondering what Cameron's up to. + + CU. CAMERON + + He keels over forward. + + EXT. BACKYARD + + Cameron falls out of the chair and splashes down, + face-first, into the water. Sloane screams. Ferris leaps for + him. + + UNDERWATER + + Ferris struggles with Cameron's lifeless bulk. + + CU. SLOANE + + She's screaming. Ferris thrashes around in the water. + + UNDERWATER + + Ferris grabs Cameron's collar and rips him out of the water. + + EXT. BACKYARD + + Ferris sits Cameron on the edge of the Jacuzzi. + + FERRIS + CAMERON! + + CU. CAMERON + + His eyes are closed. He's lifeless. + + CU. FERRIS + + His face is a mask of terror. He shakes Cameron. + + CU. SLOANE + + She's screaming. + + CU. CAMERON + + A smile spreads across his face. + + CU. FERRIS + + He sees the smile. He stops shaking Cameron. + + EXT. JACUZZI + + Ferris and Cameron are looking at each other. Sloane's still + screaming. She realizes that Cameron's okay. She stops + screaming. + + SLOANE + What? + + FERRIS + (Cameron) + You asshole! + + Cameron's smiling. + + SLOANE + What? + + Ferris starts to laugh. Cameron explodes with laughter. + Sloane's bewildered. + + SLOANE + What's so funny? + +186 INT. POLICE STATION. WAITING ROOM 186 + + Jeanie's sitting on a wooden bench with a WASTED TEENAGE BOY + in a Triumph t-shirt, long hair, torn jeans, creepers, studs + and chains. He's studying her. + + BOY + Drugs? + + JEANIE + No, thank you. I'm straight. + + BOY + I meant, are you here for drugs? + + Jeanie stares at him. + + JEANIE + Why are you here? + + BOY + Drugs. + + JEANIE + I don't know why I'm here. + + BOY + Then why don't you go home? + + JEANIE + Why don't you put your thumb + up your butt? + + The boy stares at her. + + BOY + You want to talk about your problem? + + JEANIE + With you? Are you serious? + + BOY + Yeah, I'm serious. + + JEANIE + Blow yourself. + + Jeanie turns away. The boy crosses his legs. Jeanie looks + back at him. + + JEANIE + You really want to know what's wrong? + + The boy shrugs. + + JEANIE + Alright. If you've got the time, + I've got the troubles. In a nutshell, + I hate my brother. How's that? + + BOY + That's cool. Did you shoot him or + something? + + JEANIE + No, not yet. + + The boy nods. He understands the emotion. + + JEANIE + I went home to confirm that the + shithead was ditching school and + a guy broke into the house and I + called the cops and they picked me + up for making a phoney phone call. + + BOY + What do you care if your brother + ditches school? + + Jeanie stares at the boy. + + JEANIE + Why should he get to ditch school + when everybody else has to go? + + BOY + You could ditch. + + JEANIE + I'd get caught. + + BOY + So, you're pissed at him because + he ditches and doesn't get caught? + + JEANIE + Basically. + + The boy nods knowingly. + + BOY + Then your problem is you. + + JEANIE + Excuse me? + + BOY + Excuse you. You oughta spend a little + more time dealing with yourself and + a little less time worrying about + what your brother does. It's just + an opinion. + + Jeanie stares angrily at him. Partly because he's so bold + and partly because he's so right. + + BOY + There's somebody you should talk + to. + + Jeanie stares at him threateningly. + + JEANIE + If you say Ferris Bueller, you lose + a testicle. + + BOY + You know him? + + CU. JEANIE'S HAND + + It curls into a fist. + +187 CU. FERRARI TIRE 187 + + It's spinning rapidly. + + CY. ACCELERATOR + + A brick's resting on the accelerator, holding it down. + + INT. CAMERON'S GARAGE + + Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the garage. The + Ferrari is jacked up. The wheels are turning. The engine's + racing. + + CAMERON + The whole time I was just thinking + things over. I was like, meditating. + I was thinking about the future. + And I realized it doesn't make + and difference if the present + goes to shit. + + FERRIS + I have a agree with you there. + + SLOANE + Really. + + CAMERON + I've been thinking all day that if + you could only have the use of one + word, what would it be? + + FERRIS + Sloane is naked before your eyes and + you're thinking about words? + + SLOANE + God bless you, Cameron. + + CAMERON + Thank you, Sloane. + + CAMERON + If you guys only had one word, what + would it be? + + FERRIS + I can't believe you'd think up something + like with a naked girl in a jacuzzi + right in front of you. + + SLOANE + Come on, Ferris, answer his question. + + FERRIS + Bathroom. + + SLOANE + I'd say... + + She thinks. + + FERRIS + Cash. + + CAMERON + It's the only word you could + ever use. + + FERRIS + Hello. + + SLOANE + Love. + + FERRIS + And what is you loathe somebody? + Are you going to say "love" every + time you see them? + + SLOANE + It's better than "hello". + + FERRIS + Hellos' generic. + + SLOANE + You wanna be generic? + + CAMERON + It's help. + + Cameron smiles at his wisdom. Ferris and Sloane think about + it. It's a good choice. Cameron gets up and walks to the + Ferrari. + + CAMERON + The word is help. + + Cameron peeks in the window. + + CU. ODOMETER + + Nothing's happening. + + INT. GARAGE + + Cameron pulls his head out of the car. + + CAMERON + Ferris? It's not working. + + Ferris looks up. + + CAMERON + The miles aren't coming off, running + it in reverse. + + FERRIS + I thought that might be a problem. + Let's crack open the odometer and + roll it back by hand. + + Cameron shakes his head. + + CAMERON + I got a better idea. It's cool. + + He walks back around behind the Ferrari. + + CAMERON + Seventeen years and I've never + taken a stand. Now, I'm gonna + do it. I'm taking a stand against + my father, against my family, + against myself, against my past, + my present and my future. I will + not sit idly by as events that affect + me unfold to change the course of + my life. I will take a stand and I + will defend it. When my father comes + home tonight, he's finally going + to have to deal with me. Good or + bad, I'm taking a stand. + + CU. FERRIS + + He turns to CAMERA. + + FERRIS + This is a big U-2 fan. + + CU. SLOANE + + She smiles proudly at Cameron. She applauds him. + + CU. CAMERON + + He's serious and determined. He has made up his mind and it + appears that it won't be changed by anyone but himself. + + CU. TIRES + + It's spinning wildly. + + CU. MERCEDES BUMPER + + Cameron's foot rests on the bumper. A beat and it gives a + mighty shove. + + CU. TIRE + + The spinning tires slam down on the cement. + + INT. GARAGE + + Cameron has kicked the Ferrari off the jack. It squeals out + of the garage in a cloud of blue tire smoke. A $50,000 + unmanned investment heading backwards down a driveway. + + CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS + + They're in shock. + + EXT. HOUSE + + The Ferrari shoots down the driveway. + + INT. GARAGE + + Cameron watches the car go. He's strangely placcid about the + impending disaster. Ferris and Sloane are bewildered. + + THEIR POV + + The Ferrari travels down the driveway, across the street, + over the curb into the wooded property opposite the house. + + CU. TREE + + The Ferrari's brief journey ends as it smacks a tree trunk. + + INT. GARAGE + + Ferris and Sloane exchange baffled looks. They look at + Cameron. He's proud and bold. + + FERRIS + What was that about? + + SLOANE + This has to be a dream. + + FERRIS + Cameron? One quick question. + Why'd you do that? + + Cameron holds his proud posture for a beat. Then a look of + bewilderment comes over his face. He shoots a look to + Ferris. A puzzled look. + + FERRIS + You trashed the car. + + Cameron looks across the street. + + SLOANE + Why? + + CAMERON + I took a stand. + + FERRIS + No, Cameron. You wrecked a car. + + Cameron thinks for a moment. Then he regains his confidence. + + CAMERON + It's okay. + + Ferris looks across the street at the car. + + FERRIS + I have an idea. If you're interested. + + Cameron looks at him. He shakes his head. + + CAMERON + I'm gonna handle it. + + FERRIS + I think this could work. + + CAMERON + No, thanks. I want to deal with + it by myself. + + SLOANE + What about your one word? + + CAMERON + You already did it. If I need it + again, I'll use it. + + He smiles. He raises am impish eyebrow. + + CAMERON + It's cool. I'm loose. + +188 INT. POLICE STATION. OFFICE 188 + + Joyce is talking with the juvenile officer. Outside the + office, on the bench, we see Jeanie and the boy making out. + + JOYCE + She's never been in trouble before. + This is a shock to me. First, I + don't know why she wasn't at school. + Second, I don't know why she'd call + you with this story about a rapist. + + OFFICER + For whatever reasons she did it, + I think she'd had a good scare. + + JOYCE + I hope so. I appreciate your calling + me. I can assure you that her father + and I will have a long talk with her. + + The gathers her purse and jacket and stands. + + JOYCE + Thank you. + + OFFICER + Oh, by the way, I hope you son's + feeling better. + + Joyce looks at the officer curiously. + + OFFICER + Tell him, all the guys at the + station here are pulling for + him. + +189 INT. POLICE STATION. WAITING ROOM 189 + + Jeanie quickly breaks the embrace with the boy as Joyce + steps out of the juvenile officer's room. She's still a + little bewildered that everybody knows Ferris was ill. + Jeanie wipes her lips and sits up straight. The boy adjusts + his pants to better hide his passion. + + JEANIE + (to the boy) + If you keep this to yourself, I + think we can probably get it on + pretty good. + + BOY + For sure. + + Jeanie stands up. + + JEANIE + Hi. + + JOYCE + Don't "hi" me, young lady. Get + your stuff. + + Jeanie reaches down for her purse. + + BOY + What's your name? + + JEANIE + Jean. What's yours? + + BOY + Garth Volbeck. + +190 EXT. SLOANE'S BACKYARD 190 + + Sloane and Ferris are standing at the back fence. + + SLOANE + I had a great time today. + + FERRIS + Yeah. It was pretty cool. + + SLOANE + You think Cameron's gonna be + alright? + + FERRIS + Sure. He had to so it, I guess. + His old man had it coming. He'll + be okay. I'd be worried if he'd + taken my idea. + + Sloane smiles knowingly. + + SLOANE + You didn't have an idea, did you? + + FERRIS + Not a glimmer. + + SLOANE + You're so smart. + + FERRIS + No. I'm just real loose. + + He kisses her. + + FERRIS + I'll call you tonight. + + Sloane nods. Ferris jumps the fence and takes off across the + backyards. Sloane watches him go. A huge smile spreads + across her face. + + SLOANE + I LOVE YOU! + + She backs away from the fence. MUSIC FADES UP. + + SLOANE + He's gonna marry me. I know it. + + She turns and runs into the house. + +191 EXT. BACKYARD 191 + + Ferris sprints across a backyard. He jumps a plaster elf. + +192 EXT. ANOTHER BACKYARD 192 + + Ferris vaults a fence. He runs directly for a swimming pool. + He's approaching it from the side. He leaps, hits the diving + board, springs off, does a flip and lands on the grass on + the other side of the pool. + +193 CU. BEDSPREAD 193 + + Neatly bundles stacks of bills and rolled coins. A + significant amount of cash. + + CU. SLOANE + + She's writing. + + CU. PIECE OF PAPER + + We see a portion of the typewritten letter as she signs it. + + "...in the amount of $1,765.33. It + gives us great pleasure to assist + you in performance of your worthy + and much needed survives to those + so desperately in need. + + Sincerely, + + Sloane Peterson + Executive Director + The Ferris Bueller Foundation" + +194 EXT. FERRIS' STREET 194 + + He's running down the middle of the street. A car honks. + Ferris moves to the side. The car pulls around him. + + INT. CAR. + + Tom's at the wheel. He glances in the mirror. He does a + take. + + HIS POV. MIRROR + + We see Ferris cut across a front lawn and into a house. + + CU. TOM + + He realizes it couldn't be Ferris. + +195 INT. HOUSE 195 + + Ferris runs through the kitchen, past a WOMAN, fixing dinner + and out her backdoor. The Woman looks up curiously. + +196 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 196 + + Tom pulls in the driveway. He parks and gets out. Joyce + pulls in from the other direction. + +197 EXT. HOUSE. BACK PORCH 197 + + Ferris tries the door. It's locked. He reaches down and + lifts the doormat. + + CU. PORCH + + The outline of a key in the dirt under the mat. The key's + gone. The toe of a chewed-up dress shoe steps INTO FRAME. An + OMNIOUS CHORD IS STRUCK. + + CU. FERRIS + + He stares up in horror. + + HIS POV + + Rooney's looking down at him. He's holding the house key. + + EXT. PORCH + + Ferris stands up. He smiles. + + ROONEY + Looking for this? + + FERRIS + Yes. + + ROONEY + I got you, Ferris. This time I finally + got you. + + Ferris is caught. There's no way out. Rooney gloats + severely. + + ROONEY + How does another year of high + school sit with you? + + Suddenly, the backdoor opens. Jeanie looks out. She feigns + joy and relief. She rushes Ferris and hugs him. + + JEANIE + Thank God, you're alright! We've + been worried sick! + + CU. FERRIS + + A moment of curiosity. Then it dawns on him what's + happening. He smiles. + + CU. ROONEY + + His eyes dart from Ferris to Jeanie to Ferris. His victory + is evaporating. + + EXT. PORCH + + Jeanie breaks the embrace. + + JEANIE + (to Rooney) + Thank you for bringing him home, + Mr. Rooney. + (to Ferris) + You better get up in bed tight + now. + + Ferris limps into the house. + + JEANIE + Can you imagine someone as sick as + Ferris trying to walk home from the + hospital? + (shakes her head) + Kids! + + CU. ROONEY + + He's dumbfounded. + + CU. JEANIE + + She raises her hands and strikes a karate pose. A huge smile + passes over her face. + + CU. ROONEY + + A look of terror as he realizes that is was Jeanie who + kicked him and that Jeanie knows it was he who she kicked. + + EXT. PORCH + + Jeanie steps into the house. + +198 INT. HOUSE 198 + + The door closes on Rooney's defeated, lost, dejected, + bewildered face. Not only has he lost Ferris again, he has + Jeanie to deal with next year. + +199 EXT. YARD. CU. DOG 199 + + The click of the door wakes him up. His head pops up off the + grass. + + CU. ROONEY + + He senses new danger. We hear AN O.C. GROWL. Rooney squeezes + his eyes shut. + +200 INT. KITCHEN 200 + + Kimberly and Todd are sitting at the kitchen table watching + TV and eating cereal. They look up at Ferris as he comes in + from outside. + + TODD + Ferris? Does my head look like + it's getting bigger? + + Ferris leans against the counter as he tries to catch his + breath. He looks at his little brother. + + FERRIS + No, but Kimberly's is. + + He crosses to the refrigerator and opens it. Kimberly feels + her head. + + KIMBERLY + (to Todd) + Is he serious? + + TODD + I think so. + + KIMBERLY + Oh, shit! + + Ferris takes out a bottle of orange juice out of the + refrigerator and drinks straight from the bottle. Jeanie + comes in. + + FERRIS + Thanks, Jeanie. + + JEANIE + No problem. + + FERRIS + By the way, I borrowed some cash + from you. I'll pay you back. + + JEANIE + You don't have to. + + FERRIS + I want to. + + JEANIE + You don't have to. I've been ripping + off your wallet for years. + + Ferris gives her a proud smile. + +201 EXT. HOUSE 201 + + Joyce and Tom head up to the kitchen. + +202 INT. KITCHEN 202 + + Ferris and Jeanie exit the kitchen as Joyce and Tom enter. + + JOYCE + (to Todd and Kimberly) + Hi, guys. + + KIMBERLY + Is my head swelling up? + +203 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 203 + + The foyer is jammed with floral arrangements, plants and + gifts. Ferris and Jeanie step gingerly through the flowers + and head upstairs. + + JEANIE + I'm sorry I've been riding your + buns for so long. + + FERRIS + It's completely cool. + + JOYCE (OC) + Ferris! + + Ferris continues up the stairs. He affects a sickly voice. + + FERRIS + Upstairs, Mom! + +204 INT. SECOND FLOOR LANDING 204 + + Ferris and Jeanie stop. + + JEANIE + Do you know a guy named Garth + Volbeck? + + FERRIS + Vaguely. + + JEANIE + Is he cool? + + FERRIS + He's cool. But stay away from his + brother. + + Ferris walks into the room, brushes the crumbs off his hands + and peels off his shirt. He climbs into bed. No sooner are + the covers over him than the bedroom door opens and Joyce + and Tom walk in. They walk over to the bed. Joyce sits down. + + JOYCE + Honey? + + CU. FERRIS + + The same deathly face he had in the morning. Tongue out, + eyes bulging. + + TOM (OC) + Ferris? How do you feel? + + He pulls in his tongue to speak. + + FERRIS + (deathly gasp) + 150% better, thank you. + +205 INT. BEDROOM 205 + + Tom and Joyce hover over him with deep concern. + + FERRIS + I'm much better, really. Please, + don't make me stay home again. I + want to go to school. I'm graduating + in June and I... + + TOM + Ferris. You're sick. There's no point + pushing yourself and making it worse. + + FERRIS + Maybe you're right, Dad. + + TOM + I know I'm right. + + Joyce leans over and kisses him forehead. + + JOYCE + How did you get so sweet? + + FERRIS + Years of practice. + + Tom pats Ferris on the rump. He and Joyce exit. + + CU. FERRIS + + The hideous face. A beat and we HEAR THE BEDROOM DOOR CLOSE. + Ferris looks at CAMERA. + + FERRIS + (happy sigh) + Yeah, life is a carousel. A + great big crazy ball of pure + living, breathing joy and delight. + + He rolls over on his back and puts his hands behind his + head. + + FERRIS + You gotta get one. + + He smiles. + + MUSIC UP BIG + + END TITLES + + THE END +`).then(e => console.log(`Código finalizado, ${e} mensagens enviadas`)).catch(console.error) From 416ba0df7cc201a7fb5ab8a8050894e4d13feffc Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: peixotmarc <48831018+peixotmarc@users.noreply.github.com> Date: Fri, 20 Oct 2023 14:04:01 +0100 Subject: [PATCH 2/9] Delete FerrisBueller --- FerrisBueller | 6887 ------------------------------------------------- 1 file changed, 6887 deletions(-) delete mode 100644 FerrisBueller diff --git a/FerrisBueller b/FerrisBueller deleted file mode 100644 index c7656b0..0000000 --- a/FerrisBueller +++ /dev/null @@ -1,6887 +0,0 @@ -async function enviarScript(scriptText){ - const lines = scriptText.split(/[\n\t]+/).map(line => line.trim()).filter(line => line); - main = document.querySelector("#main"), - textarea = main.querySelector(`div[contenteditable="true"]`) - - if(!textarea) throw new Error("Não há uma conversa aberta") - - for(const line of lines){ - console.log(line) - - textarea.focus(); - document.execCommand('insertText', false, line); - textarea.dispatchEvent(new Event('change', {bubbles: true})); - - setTimeout(() => { - (main.querySelector(`[data-testid="send"]`) || main.querySelector(`[data-icon="send"]`)).click(); - }, 100); - - if(lines.indexOf(line) !== lines.length - 1) await new Promise(resolve => setTimeout(resolve, 250)); - } - - return lines.length; -} - -enviarScript(` - "FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF" - - by - - John Hughes - - SHOOTING SCRIPT - July 24, 1985 - - - "FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF" - - 1 BLACK SCREEN 1 - - MAIN TITLES - - IT'S SILENT. A BEAT...AND AN EXPLOSION OF SOUND. A HOUSEHOLD - IN THE MORNING. KIDS GETTING READY FOR SCHOOL. CLOCK RADIOS. - KITCHEN APPLIANCES. SHOWERS. FIGHTING. PEOPLE YELLING. DOG - BARKING. APPLIANCES BUZZING. CAR HORNS. IT SOUNDS JUST LIKE - YOUR HOUSE DID. STREAMS OF ROCK'N ROLL FADE IN AND OUT. HUEY - LEWIS TO LIONEL RITCHIE TO HUSKER DU. SURROUND MAKES IT FEEL - LIKE YOU'RE IN THE ROOM. AN AURAL TOUR OF A HOUSE ON A - SCHOOL MORNING. BEGINING IN THE KITCHEN AND MOVING UPSTAIRS. - - FATHER'S VOICE (TOM) - Where's my wallet?! - - SEVEN YEAR OLD BOY (TODD) - YOU IDIOT!! - - TWELVE YEAR OLD GIRL (KIMBERLY) - MOM! - - TODD - SHUT-UP! - - EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL (JEANIE) - I NEED A TOWEL!! - - TOM - JOYCE! - - KIMBERLY - (whispers, sadistic) - When you turn ten, your head's going - to swell up real big like a watermelon - and we're going to have to put you - to sleep like they do with a dog. - - TODD - MOM! - - TOM - JOYCE!! - - JEANIE - WHO PISSED ON THE TOILET SEAT!? MOTHER!! - - TOM - Where's Mom? - - TODD - Is my head going to swell up? - - TOM - What?! - - JEANIE - OH, MY GOD! THE TOILET PAPER'S ALL WET!!! - - MOTHER (JOYCE) - (screams) - TOM! - - The house falls dead SILENT. We hear footsteps thundering - through the house. A TENSE STRAIN OF MUSIC FADES UP. - - TODD - What's that? - - KIMBERLY - Wait! Hold still! - - TODD - What?! - - KIMBERLY - You heads starting to swell up!! - - Todd screams. We hear the sound of Tom's footsteps running - through the kitchen, down the hall, up the stairs, up the - hallway. A door open. - - TOM - (breathless) - What's the matter? - - JOYCE - (worried) - It's Ferris! - - TOM - What's wrong? - - JOYCE - (snaps) - What's wrong? For Christ's sake! - Look at him! - - 2 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS 2 - - An eighteen year-old boy. He's staring lifelessly at CAMERA. - His mouth's open. His eyes are bugged-out. His tongue is fat - and dry in his mouth. He's laying in bed, on his side. - - 3 INT. BOY'S BEDROOM 3 - - Ferris' parents, TOM and JOYCE BUELLER are standing at - bedside. They're in their late forties, early fifties. - Handsome, upper-middle class parents. They're both dressed - for work. - - TOM - Ferris? - - JOYCE - He doesn't have a fever. But he says - his stomach hurts and he's seeing spots. - - 4 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS 4 - - His lifeless eyes blink. - - 5 INT. BEDROOM. PARENTS 5 - - Tom bends down and touches Ferris' forehead. - - TOM - What's the matter, Ferris? - - JOYCE - Feel his hands. They're cold and clammy. - - Tom takes one of Ferris' hands. - - TOM - (discreetly) - Should you call the doctor? - - JOYCE - (whispers) - He doesn't want me to. - - TOM - Why don't you want Mom to call - the doctor? - - Ferris exhales loudly. He tries to speak but all he can - manage is a choked gasp. - - TOM - What? - - Ferris tries again. - - FERRIS - (raspy) - Don't make a fuss. I'm fine. I'll get up. - - He starts to get up. Joyce gently pushes him back down. - - FERRIS - I have a test today. I have to take it. - I want to get into a good college - so I can have a fruitful life... - - JOYCE - You're not going to school like - this. - (to Tom) - Maybe I should call the office and - tell them I won't be in. - - FERRIS - I'm okay, Mom. I feel perfectly...Oh, God! - - He's gripped by a seizure. His body stiffens and he chokes. - His older sister, JEANIE, walks into the room. She's dressed - for school. She's cute and stuck-up. A major pill. - - JEAN - Oh, fine. What's this? What's his problem? - - JOYCE - He doesn't feel well. - - JEAN - Yeah, right. Dry that one out - and you can fertilize the lawn. - - TOM - That's enough, Jeanie. - - JEANIE - You're not falling for this, are you? - Tell me you're not falling for this. - - FERRIS - Is that Jeanie? I can't see that - far. Jeanie? - - JEANIE - Pucker up and squat, Ferris. - - JOYCE - (annoyed) - Thank you, Jeanie. Get to school. - - JEANIE - (angry, defeated) - You're really letting him stay home? - I can't believe this. If I was bleeding - out my eyes, you guys'd make me go to - school. It's so unfair. - - FERRIS - Please don't be upset with me, Jeanie. - Be thankful that you're fit and have - your health. Cherish it. - - JEANIE - (to herself) - Oh, I wanna puke. - - She glares at Ferris. Her eyes are mascara and vengence. She - slips out of the room. Ferris' brother, TODD and sister, - KIMBERLY peek into the room. - - KIMBERLY - Myocardial infarction? - - JOYCE - Get your stuff. Daddy'll be right - down. - - KIMBERLY - Syphilitic meningitus? That would be - a huge family embarrassment. - - TOM - Get downstairs! - - KIMBERLY - If he dies, I got dibs on his stereo. - - She turns sharply and exits. - - TODD - (worried) - Dad? Does my head look alright? - - JOYCE - Get downstairs! Now! - - TODD - Just answer me one question! Is it - swelling up? Kim said it was going - to get as big as... - - KIMBERLY (OC) - A WATERMELON! - - TODD - (yells out the room) - Shut-up! - - JOYCE - Get downstairs! NOW! - - Todd backs out of the room. - - FERRIS - I'll be okay. I'll just sleep. - Maybe I'll have an aspirin around - noon. - - JOYCE - (to Ferris) - I'm showing houses to the family - from California today but I'll be in - the area. My office'll know where - I am, if you need me. - - TOM - I'll check it with you, too. - - FERRIS - It's nice to know I have such - loving, caring parents. You're - both very special people. - - 6 CU. FERRIS 6 - - He acknowledges Tom with a pathetic flutter of his eyelids. - - 7 INT. BEDROOM. JOYCE 7 - - She strokes Ferris' hair. - - JOYCE - I hope you feel better, pumpkin. - - She leans down and kisses his forehead. Tom pats his - shoulder. - - TOM - Get some rest. - - 8 CU. FERRIS 8 - - Ferris lets out a wheeze. His glassy eyes follow his parents - to the door. - - JOYCE (OC) - We love you, sweetie. - - TOM (OC) - Call if you need us. - - They close the door. The lock clicks. Ferris' eyes shift - from the door to CAMERA. A sly, little smile crawls across - his lips. - - FERRIS - They bought it. - - The MTV theme music ROARS IN. - - 9 CU. TV SCREEN 9 - - The TV at the foot of Ferris' bed. The MTV logo is playing. - - 10 INT. BEDROOM 10 - - Ferris yanks open the drapes. The pall of the sickroom - disappears in the brilliant glow of morning sunlight. - - FERRIS - Incredible! One of the worst performances - of my career and they never doubted it - for a second. - (looks out the window) - What a beautiful day! - - He turns from the window. - - FERRIS - Parents always fall for the clammy hands. - It's physical evidence of illness. It's - a good, non-specific symptom. Parents are - generally pretty hip to the fever scams. - And to make them work you have to go a hundred - and one, hundred and two. You get a nervous - mother and you end up in a doctor's office - and that's worse than school. - - He flips on his stereo and fills the room with the MTV - broadcast. A NEW SONG begins. - - FERRIS - Fake a stomach cramp and when you're - doubled over, moaning and wailing, just - lick your palms. It's a little stupid - and childish but then so if high school. - Right? - - He equalizes the sound a little. - - FERRIS - This is my ninth sick day with semester. - If I go for ten, I'm probably going to - have to barf up a lung. So, I absolutely - must make this one count. - - He exits into the hallway. - - 11 INT. BATHROOM 11 - - Ferris walks into the bathroom. It's littered with Jean's - debris. He turns on the shower water. - - FERRIS - I don't care if you're fifty five - or seven, everybody needs a day off - now and then. It's a beautiful day. - How can I be expected to handle - high school? - - He bends down OUT OF FRAME as he loses his briefs. He pops - up. - - FERRIS - I do actually have a test. That wasn't - bullshit. - - He steps into the shower. Through the pebbled glass of the - shower door we see Ferris' outline. - - FERRIS - That I care about it was. - - 12 INT. BATHROOM. SHOWER STALL. 12 - - Inside the shower. Ferris' hair is standing straight up. - It's moulded into a fin with shampoo. - - FERRIS - It's on European socialism. I mean, - really. What's the point? I'm not - European. I don't plan to be European. - So, who gives a shit if they're socialists? - They could be fascist anarchists and it - still wouldn't change the fact that I - don't own a car. - - He turns the shower head around and uses it like a - microphone. - - FERRIS - (sings) - WELL SHAKE IT UP, BABY, - TWIST AND SHOUT... - - 13 INT. HALLWAY. LATER 13 - - Ferris comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around - his waist. He's drying his hair with another of a different - color. - - FERRIS - Not that I condone fascism. Or - and "isms". "Isms", in my opinion - are not good. A person should not - believe in an "ism". He should - believe in himself. John Lennon - said it on his first solo album. - "I don't believe in Beatles, I - just believe in me." A good point - there. Afterall, he was the Walrus. - - He opens a linen closet and tosses the towel in it. - - FERRIS - I could be the Walrus and I'd still - have to bum rides off people. - - He passes CAMERA and goes into his room. - - FERRIS (OC) - I'm not very political? Let me - put that into perspective... - - 14 INT. BEDROOM 14 - - Ferris tosses the towel he's dried hair with on the bed. - - FERRIS - My uncle went to Canada to protest - the war, right? On the Fourth of - July he was down with my aunt and he - got drunk and told my Dad he felt - guilty he didn't fight in Viet Nam. - So I said, "What's the deal, Uncle - Jeff? In wartime you want to be a - pacifist and in peacetime you want - to be a soldier. It took you twenty - years to find out you don't believe - in anything?" - (snaps his fingers) - Grounded. Just like that. Two weeks. - (pause) - Be careful when you deal with old - hippies. They can be real touchy. - - He opens his door. - - 15 INT. CLOSET 15 - - The door opens and Ferris rifles through his shirts. - - FERRIS - My mother was a hippie. But she - lost it. She got old. If she listens - to the White Album now? She doesn't hear - music, she hears memories. Nostalgia is - her favorite drug. It'll probably be - mine, too. I hope not. - - He finds a shirt he likes. He steps back from the closet and - puts it on. He drops the towel. - - 16 INT. BEDROOM 16 - - He walks across the room to his dresser. He opens his - underwear drawer. There's an old model of a submarine on the - top of the dresser. He picks it up. - - FERRIS - In eighth grade a friend of mine - made a bong out of one of these. - The smoke tasted like glue. - - He pulls out a pair of underwear. He gets dressed as he - speaks. - - FERRIS - His name is Garth Volbeck. He's a - serious outsider. Not a bad guy, I - like him. I'm probably his only friend. - I do what I can for him. I mean, if - I was him, I'd appreciate it. Do unto others, - right? Anyway, his mother owns a gas station. - His father's dead and his sister's rumored - to be a prostitute, which is complete bullshit. - She only puts out so people will hang out - with her. It's sad but I don't hold it - against her. Better to hold it against the - guys who use her and don't care about her. - (pause) - My parents never allowed Garth over here. - It was because of his family. Mainly his - older brother. He's in jail. I could see them - not wanting his brother here because he is - a registered psycho. I wouldn't want him here. - I once watched the guy eat a whole bowl of - artificial fruit just so he could see what - it was like to have his stomach pumped. - But Garth isn't his brother. It isn't his fault - that his brother's screwed-up. Alot of fights - with the parents on that point. I always felt - for Garth. I was sleeping at his house once - and I was laying on the dark worrying that - his brother was going to come in and hack me - to death with an ax and I heard Garth crying. - I asked him what was wrong and he said, "Nothing". - ... Nothing was wrong. There was no - specific thing he was crying about. - In fact, he wasn't really even aware that - he was crying. He just cried himself to - sleep every night. It was a habit. The - guy's so conditioned to grief that if - he doesn't feel it, he can't sleep. How - could you possibly dump on guy who has to - deal with that kinda shit? My parents - acknowledge the trudge of the situation - and I'm sure that deep down, they do feel - for him but still the guy's banned from - our house. - - He looks at himself in the mirror on the back of his closet - door. He doesn't like what he's wearing. He continues his - speech as he disrobes. - - FERRIS - Unfortunately, now my parents have a - legit argument. Garth doesn't need his - brother to give him a rep anymore. He's - getting one on his own. He's lost. It's - over for him. He's eighteen. Gone from - school. Gone from life. His legacy is - a gas station. - - 17 INT. HOUSE. STAIRCASE 17 - - Ferris comes down the stairs. He's wearing a completely - different outfit. - - FERRIS - One very serious danger is playing - sick is that it's possible to believe - your own act. - - 18 INT. KITCHEN 18 - - Ferris comes into the kitchen and crosses to the - refrigerator. - - FERRIS - That and boredom. Alot of people - ditch and feel great for about an - hour. Then they realize there's - nothing to do. TV and food. I myself - have ditched and gotten so bored I - did homework. Figure that shit out. - - He takes a sip out of a bottle of orange juice. - - FERRIS - You have to plan things out before - you take the day off. Otherwise - you get all nervous worrying about - what to do and all you get is grief - and the whole point is to take it - easy, cut loose and enjoy. - - He crosses to the pantry. - - FERRIS - You blow your day and at about three - o'clock, when everybody's out of school, - you're going to wish you'd gone to - school so you could be out having - fun. - - He emerges from the pantry with a handful of Oreos. - - FERRIS - Avoid the misery. Plan your day. - Do it right. - - 19 INT. FAMILY ROOM 19 - - Ferris walks in and flops down in an armchair. - - FERRIS - There's alot of pressure at work - in my age group. And it's not always - recognized. - - He reaches over and picks up the telephone. He sets it in - his lap. - - FERRIS - Some guy whose hair is falling out - and his stomach's hanging over his - belt and everything he eats makes - him fart, he looks at someone like - me and thinks, "This kid's young and - strong and has a full, rich future ahead - of him, what's he got to bitch about?" - - 20 CU. PHONE 20 - - He punches out a number. - - 21 INT. FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS 21 - - He remote controls the TV on. - - FERRIS - That's just one reason why I need a - day off every now and then. - - 22 EXT. ANOTHER HOUSE 22 - - A sleek, modern house on a couple of deeply wooded acres. A - prime house in a prime location. A telephone rings OVER. - - 23 INT. BOY'S BEDROOM 23 - - It's a dark, dreary sick room. Shades drawn, floor strewn - with used tissues, nightstand a still-life of over the - counter remedies. A high school boy, CAMERON FRYE, is laying - in bed. We don't see his face, only a silhouette with a - thermometer sticking out his mouth. U2's SUNDAY BLOODY - SUNDAY is playing. He's mumbling random words. - - CAMERON - Food...shelter...no...yes... - - The phone rings. His hand reaches back and hits the speaker - phone button. - - CAMERON - (weak) - Hello? - - FERRIS' VOICE - Cameron! What's happening? - - CAMERON - Very little. - - FERRIS' VOICE - How do you feel? - - CAMERON - Shredded. - - FERRIS' VOICE - Is your mother in the room? - - Cameron takes the thermometer out of his mouth. - - CAMERON - She's not home. Where are you? - - FERRIS' VOICE - Home. - - 24 INT. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS 24 - - Ferris is sprawled out in the chair. - - FERRIS - I'm taking the day off. Get - dressed and come over. - - CAMERON'S VOICE - I can't. I'm sick. - - FERRIS - It's all in your head. Come on over. - - 25 INT. CAMERON'S ROOM 25 - - Cameron's insistant. - - CAMERON - I feel like complete shit, Ferris. - I can't go anywhere. - - FERRIS' VOICE - I'm sorry to hear that. Now, come - on over and pick me up. - - Ferris disconnects. Cameron slowly hangs up the phone. - - CAMERON - I'm dying. - - The phone rings again. Cameron hits the speaker button. - - FERRIS' VOICE - You're not dying. You just can't think - of anything good to do. - - 26 INT. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM 26 - - Ferris hangs up. - - FERRIS - If anybody needs a day off, it's - Cameron. He has alot of things to - sort out before he graduates. He - can't be wound this tight and go - to college. His roommate'll kill - him. I've come close myself. But I - like him. He's a little easier to - take when you know why he's like he - is. The boy cannot relax. Pardon - by French but Cameron is so tight - that if you stuck a lump of coal up - his ass, in two weeks you'd have a - diamond. - (after-thought) - And Cameron would worry that he'd - owe taxes on it. - - 27 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 27 - - We hear roll call as CAMERA MOVES ACROSS the tile floor. A - shoe's POV. - - TEACHER'S VOICE - Albers? - - BOY'S VOICE - Here. - - TEACHER'S VOICE - Anderson. - - GIRL'S VOICE - Here. - - CAMERA enters a classroom. It travels past a teacher's Hush - Puppies and heads up an aisle of desk past dirty yellow - Reebocks, rotting Air Jordans, scuffed heels, pristine - loafers... - - TEACHER'S VOICE - Anheiser? - - BOY'S VOICE - Here. - - TEACHER'S VOICE - Busch? - - GIRL'S VOICE - Here. - - TEACHER'S VOICE - Bueller? - - CAMERA reaches the last desk and rises slowly to reveal that - it's empty. - - TEACHER'S VOICE - Bueller? - - GIRL'S VOICE - He's sick. - (pause) - My best friend's sister's boyfriend's - brother's girlfriend heard from this - guy who knows this kid who's going - with a girl who saw Ferris pass-out - at 31 Flavors last night. I guess - it's pretty serious. - - TEACHER'S VOICE - (weary) - Thank you, Simone. - - GIRL'S VOICE - (cheery) - No problem whatsoever. - - TEACHER'S VOICE - Drucker? - - BOY'S VOICE - What? - - WOUND-OUT CAR ENGINES COME UP LOUD. - - 28 CU. TV 28 - - THE ROAD WARRIOR is playing on video cassette. The big chase - at the end. - - INT. FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS - - He's sitting in the arm chair pretending it's Humongous' war - wagon. He's wearing a hockey mash. He's steering. He reaches - down and grabs an imaginary nitrous oxide valve. - - CU. TV - - Humongous reaches down and grabs a real nitrous oxide valve. - He gives it a twist. - - CU. FERRIS - - He throws himself back against the chair. - - CU. TV - - The force of the rapid acceleration of his vehicle throws - Humongous back in his seat. - - CU. FERRIS - - He bounces himself in the chair to simulate the bumpy high - speed ride. - - CU. TV - - The was wagon hurtles down the road. - - CU. FERRIS - - He rears back in horror. - - CU. TV - - The war wagon is heading for a head-on collision with the - tanker truck. - - CU. FERRIS - - Arms outstretched, head thrown back, braced for collision. - - CU. TV - - IMPACT! - - MOZART COMES UP. - - 29 CU. FLOWERING TREE BRANCH 29 - - Outside a bedroom window. A flowering crabtree branch. - Petite pink flowers. WE PULL BACK FROM THE WINDOW INTO THE - ROOM. It's Jeanie's room. A pink and powder blue pig pen. - Clothes everywhere, make-up, books, records. Ferris is - sitting on her bed going through a purse. - - FERRIS - This is really degrading. - - He comes up with a crumpled dollar bill. - - FERRIS - Financing my activities this way. - Very damaging to the self-image. - But, hey, I'm broke. In times of - crisis one must to what one must - to. I'll pay it back. With interest. - - He comes up with a five. - - FERRIS - Regardless of how much shit sisters - make you eat, how often they rat on - you, how gross they act or how wicked - and insensitive they can be, you should - not alientate them. Because most likely - they have cash and it's usually very easy - to get your hands on. - - He holds up a twenty and snaps it. PINK FLOYD'S "MONEY" - COMES UP. - - 30 INT. LIVING ROOM 30 - - The song plays as Ferris digs through the sofa cushions. - - CU. SOFA - - Ferris extracts a sticky quarter from a crevice. - - 31 INT. PARENTS' BEDROOM 31 - - Ferris is going through his father's pants pockets. Another - crumpled bill surfaces. - - 32 CU. WASHING MACHINE TOP 32 - - A couple of stiff, hard, bleached singles that have gone - through the wash lay on top of the washer. A hand scoops - them up. - - 33 CU. LUCITE ENCASED PROOF SET 33 - - An obvious gift from a grandparent. A U.S. Mint proof set. A - ten, a five and a single enclosed in a lucite frame. A - screwdriver tip wedges between the two pieces of Lucite and - pops them apart. A hand peels the bills off the backing. - - 34 CU. KITCHEN DRAWER 34 - - Hands ripping through the kitchen junk drawer. Locating a - dollar bill. - - 35 CU. COIN COLLECTION 35 - - The familiar blue collector's album. One-by-one, the - quarters are being popped out of their slots. - - 36 CU. VACCUUM CLEANER 36 - - The dusty, dirty contents of the bag are emptied on the - floor. Fingers pick a dime out of a matted wad of filth. - - 37 CU. SNOOPY BANK 37 - - It's being shaken furiously. - - 38 CU. BIRTHDAY CARD 38 - - It's a child's card. It's slowly opened to reveal a crisp, - new five. - - 39 INT. HALL CLOSET 39 - - The door opens and Ferris thrusts his hands into the pockets - of the coats. He comes up with a ball of Kleenex. A roll of - Tums. A squirt gun. Then a modest wad of bills. His face - lights up as he counts out the cash. He closes the door. - - 40 CU. FLOOR AND BED 40 - - Ferris' face appears between the bed and the floor. His arm - reaches out for a small metal bank hidden under the bed. - - 41 CU. BANK 41 - - It's on a work bench. An awl is driven in between the door - and the jamb. It pries the door open. Inside are trading - cards, a charred doll's head, a Zippo lighter and, finally, - a five dollar bill. - - 42 INT. KITCHEN 42 - - Ferris is on his hands and knees under the kitchen table. - - 43 CU. TABLE LEG 43 - - Ferris lifts the leg and removes a quarter that's been used - to balance the table. - - 44 INT. KITCHEN 44 - - Ferris stands up and pockets the quarter. - - 45 CU. FERRIS' BED 45 - - A shower of coins and bills rain down on the sheets. The - SONG ENDS. - - 46 EXT. REAL ESTATE OFFICE. MORNING 46 - - A suburban realty company. A cute little building in town. - - 47 INT. OFFICE 47 - - Joyce is behind a desk. Across from her are two WOMEN. - They're also real estate agents. - - JOYCE - No one's going to consider a - house with a black living room. - Not even those jerks from Vermont. - Let's be realistic. - - AGENT 1 - Mrs. Volbeck's dead set against - putting any money into the house. - - Joyce's phone intercom buzzes. She take the call. - - JOYCE - Joyce Bueller. - - Her eyes open wide with alarm. - - JOYCE - Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I - completely forgot to call. - - 48 EXT. HIGH SCHOOL 48 - - A modern, suburban high school. - - MAN'S VOICE - Are you aware that your son is not - in school today? - - 49 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 49 - - It's a passing period. The hall is clogged with students. - - JOYCE'S VOICE - Yes, I am. Ferris is home sick. I - had a meeting first thing this - morning. I should have called. It - completely slipped my mind. - - 50 INT. SCHOOL. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE 50 - - A SECRETARY is at work at her desk. We hear the dean inside - the office. - - DEAN'S VOICE - Are you also aware that Ferris does not - have what we consider an exemplary - attendance record? - - 51 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. CU. DESK SIGN 51 - - It reads, EDWARD R. ROONEY. DEAD OF STUDENTS. The dean's - feet are up on the desk, behind the sign. Moderately priced - dress shoes. - - JOYCE'S VOICE - I don't understand. - - DEAN'S VOICE - I just had his file up. - - INT. OFFICE. CU. DEAN - - ED ROONEY is sitting behind his desk. He's tough, clean and - straight as an I-beam. Short, neatly combed hair, suit and - tie. He's toying with a pencil. He's confident to the point - of arrogance. - - ROONEY - I just has his file up, Mrs. Bueller. - - Behind him is a computer terminal. He removes his feet from - the desk and turns in his swivel chair. - - ROONEY - If Ferris thinks he coast this last - month and still graduate, he's sorely - mistaken. - - JOYCE'S VOICE - This is all news to me. - - CU. COMPUTER MONITOR - - The monitor on Rooney's desk displays Ferris' records. - - ROONEY'S VOICE - So far this semester alone, he's been - absent nine times. Including today. - - JOYCE'S VOICE - Nine times? - - Under DAYS MISSED we see a number 9 suddenly change to a - number 2. - - INT. OFFICE - - Rooney turns to the monitor. He reads off the screen. - - ROONEY - I have it right here in front of me. He's - missed... - - He looks closer at the screen. - - 52 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 52 - - Ferris is at his Macintosh computer. He has his record up - on the screen. - - FERRIS - I wanted a car. I got a computer. How's - that for being born under a bad sign? - - 53 INT. JOYCE'S OFFICE 53 - - She's still on the phone with Rooney. - - JOYCE - I can give you every assurance that - Ferris is home and that he is, in - fact, very ill. I debated whether - or not I should even leave him. - I can appreciate that at this time - of year children are prone to taking - the day off, but in Ferris' case, - he's truly a very sick boy. - - 54 INT. FERRIS' BEDROOM 54 - - MUSIC BLASTS. SOLO GUITAR. - - CU. SPEAKER - - The grille cloth is throbbing. - - CU. LED METERS - - The meters on the amplifier are totally in the danger zone. - - CU. TV MONITOR - - We see Ferris in his room with a guitar around his neck. - He's playing. - - CU. VIDEO CAMERA - - A home video camera is capturing Ferris on tape. - - 55 INT. CAMERON'S ROOM 55 - - He's sitting on the edge of the bed buttoning his shirt. He - sighs deeply and fall back on the bed. - - 56 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 56 - - Jeanie is at her locker during a passing period. A - GIRLFRIEND comes up to her. - - GIRL - I'm really sorry about your brother. - - JEANIE - What're you sorry for? I have to live - with the trouser snake. - - GIRL - No, I mean I heard he's really sick. - - JEANIE - Who said he's sick. - - GIRL - A whole bunch of people. They said - he's like on the verge of death. - - Jeanie stares incredulously at the girl. - - GIRL - This guy in my biology class said - that if Ferris dies he's giving - his eyes to Stevie Wonder? He's - really sweet isn't he? - - She smiles and exits. Jeanie cocks her head in bewilderment. - She kicks her locker shut. - - 57 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 57 - - He's in bed on the phone. - - FERRIS - A sample of my blood was sent - to Atlanta to the Center for - Disease Control. I don't know, - man, I'm bricking heavily. - (point to the - phone) - Freshman. - (to the phone) - Did you see Alien? When the guy - had the creature in his stomach? - It feels like that. - - 58 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 58 - - A FRESHMAN BOY is on the pay phone. A couple of his BUDDIES - are standing at his side waiting anxiously for news. - - BOY - Goddamn! Are you kidding? - - SECOND BOY - What? - - BOY - Did you see Alien? - - SECOND BOY - No. - - BOY - You never rented the video cassette? - - Second boy shakes his head, no. - - BOY - Oh. He's really wasted. - - THIRD BOY - (to the Second Boy) - Who's he talking to? - - SECOND BOY - Ferris Bueller. You know him? - - THIRD BOY - (excited) - Yeah. He's getting me out of summer - school. - - BOY - Anyway, I appreciate you letting us - know how you're doing. We gotta split. - (pause) - Huh?...Yeah, sure. Hold on. - - SECOND BOY - (to Third Boy) - Shit. I hope he doesn't die. - I can't handle summer school. - - The boy snatches a passing GIRL. - - BOY - Did you see Alien? - - GIRL - Yeah, why? - - He hands her the phone. - - GIRL - Hello? - (pause) - Who? - (pause) - Hi, Ferris. How's your bod? - (jaw drops) - Oh, my God! You're dying? - Is it serious? - (pause) - Shiit! Are you upset? - - 59 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 59 - - Rooney's comparing his computer monitor to hard copy. His - SECRETARY is standing over his shoulder. - - ROONEY - I don't trust this kid any further - than I can throw him! - - SECRETARY - With your bad knee, you better - not throw anybody, Ed. - - Rooney stares at her for a long beat. - - ROONEY - What's so dangerous about a character - like Ferris Bueller is that he gives - the good kids bad ideas. The last thing - I need at this point in my career is - fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples - running around these halls. - - SECRETARY - He's very popular, Ed. Sportos, motorheads, - geeks, sluts, pinheads, dweebies, wonkers, - richies, they all adore him. - - ROONEY - That's exactly why I have to catch him - this time. To show these kids that the - example he sets is a first class ticket - to nowhere. - - SECRETARY - (impressed) - Ooo. You sounded like Dirty Harry just - now. - - Rooney looks up at her with a proud smile. - - ROONEY - Really? - - He unconsciously does an Eastwood squint. - - 60 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 60 - - It's a glorious late spring day. A florist's truck drives - past the house. - - 61 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 61 - - He's on the telephone. As he speaks he does a little - MacPainting on his MacIntosh. A Modigliani nude. - - FERRIS - Cameron, if you're not over here - in fifteen minutes, you can find - a new best friend. I'm serious, man. - This is bullshit, making me wait - around the house for you. - - 62 INT. CAMERON'S BEDROOM 62 - - Cameron's back in bed. - - CAMERON - I'm sick. I feel like shit. Why can't - you leave me alone? - - FERRIS' VOICE - You're not up for some good times? - It's a beautiful day. It's almost - summer. If this was Hawaii, we'd be - surfing. - - 63 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 63 - - He's growing weary of Cameron's wimpishness. - - FERRIS - You want to stay home and try - to have the shits? Try to barf? - Try to feel worse? - - CAMERON'S VOICE - I don't have to try. - - FERRIS - Be a man. Take some Pepto Bismol - and get dressed. You're boring me - with this stuff. - - The other phone line rings. - - FERRIS - Squeeze you buns for a second. I - got another call. - - He puts Cameron on hold. He clears his throat and answers - the second line. He sounds like he's on his last breath. - - FERRIS - H--hell-o? - - 64 EXT. OFFICE BUILDING. DOWNTOWN 64 - - A LaSalle Street office tower. - - TOM'S VOICE - Ferris? - - 65 INT. TOM'S OFFICE 65 - - He's behind his desk. Nice office. Two windows. Herman - Miller desk and chair. - - TOM - You sound miserable. - - FERRIS' VOICE - Really? Darn! I thought I was improving. - - TOM - Were you sleeping? - - FERRIS' VOICE - I was trying to do some homework. - - 66 CU. COMPUTER MONITOR 66 - - A closer view of the rude drawing Ferris is making. - - FERRIS (OC) - I'm so worried about falling behind. - - INT. FERRIS' ROOM - - He leans back from the monitor and sips a Coke. - - FERRIS - Dad? Can you hold on a second? - - TOM'S VOICE - Sure, pal. Are you alright? - - FERRIS - Just a little phlegm on the phone. - Hold on. - - He puts his father on hold. - - FERRIS - Cameron? It's my Dad. - - CAMERON'S VOICE - Oh, that's just great. Are you busted? - - FERRIS - It's completely cool. He's just - checking up on me. Now, listen to - me. I'm working on getting some - heavy bucks out of him. So, the least you - can do is hurry up and get over here. - Bye. - - He disconnects and gets his father back. He switches back to - his sick voice. - - FERRIS - Sorry, Dad. The moment before you - called, I had a chest spasm and I - blew lung fluid all over the place. - It was making me ill looking at it. - But gee, it's sure great of you to call. - I'm sure there're alot of fathers - who wouldn't take time out from - their busy schedules to call a dumb, - sick teenager. - - TOM'S VOICE - Hey, pal, what was I supposed to do? - - Ferris reaches out and hits a key on his computer. The - screen dumps the drawing. - - FERRIS - Give yourself some credit, Dad. It - was a mammoth gesture. It's like those - savings bonds you used to give me - every Christmas. - (looks at CAMERA and smiles) - It was that kind of concern. - - CU. COMPUTER SCREEN - - A message is flashing: "TRANSMITTING DATA". - - INT. FERRIS' ROOM - - He turns away from the computer and puts his feet up on the - desk. He lights a cigarette. - - FERRIS - You had to work hard for the money - to buy those things, right? - - TOM'S VOICE - Not any harder than anybody else. - - Ferris mouths Tom's words as he says them. - - 67 EXT. CHICAGO LOOP. DIAMONDVISION SCREEN 67 - - Ferris' drawing suddenly appears on the billboard. - Pedestrians stop to look. - - 68 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 68 - - He blows a smoke ring. - - FERRIS - You work so hard I'll bet you don't - even remember where those bonds are, - right? - - Ferris points a finger in the air as a cue to his father. - - TOM'S VOICE - Wrong. - - He nods. - - FERRIS - Oh, yeah? You're pulling my leg. You're - just trying to cheer me up. - - TOM'S VOICE - Like hell I am. They're in a shoebox - in my closet. - - Ferris smiles. He looks at CAMERA. He's gotten exactly what - he wants. - - FERRIS - (to CAMERA, normal - voice) - Was that a class move or what? - The guy gave it up faster than - a drunk Catholic girl. I hope my - kids don't pull this shit on me. - (thinks) - Of course, if they didn't, they'd - be dumb and abnormal and they'd - probably never move out of my - house and I'd have to support them - until I die. I take it back. - (to the phone, - sick voice) - Dad? All this talking has made me - kind of light-headed. I think - I better lie down. - - TOM'S VOICE - Okay, pal. You take care. I'll - call you after lunch. - - FERRIS - You don't have to, Dad. - - TOM'S VOICE - I want to. Bye now. - - He hangs up. Ferris sighs. - - FERRIS - You win some, you lose some. - - He turns his desk chair around and gets up. - - FERRIS - I'm so disappointed in Cameron. - Twenty bucks says he's sitting - in his car debating about whether - or not he should go out. - - 69 INT. CAR. CAMERON 69 - - He's sitting behind the wheel of his car. - - CAMERON - We're gonna get caught. No doubt - about it. - - He cuts the engine. - - CAMERON - I'm not doing it. - - He sits for half a beat. - - CAMERON - He'll keep calling until I come - over. - - He sighs and restarts the engine. Another beat. - - CAMERON - Actually, what'll happen is I'll - get caught. Ferris'll escape. - - Another beat. He stops the engine. A CRASH OF HORROR MUSIC. - - 70 CU. DRESSER DRAWER 70 - - Hands curl around the drawer pulls. The drawer is opened - slowly, ominously. The hands lift a sweater out. A HERALDIC - STING as we see a men's magazine beneath the sweater. - - INT. FERRIS' ROOM - - He takes out the magazine. He leafs through the pages for - the pictorials as he speaks. - - FERRIS - Cameron'll go on like that for a - good thirty minutes. The guy - is a shellfish when it comes to - making a decision. The reason - he doesn't fell good is, he - worries about everything. He's - the only guy I know who's deeply - concerned that when he grows up - there'll be a critical shortage - of strategic metals. - - He exits the room. - - 71 INT. HALLWAY 71 - - Ferris comes out of his room and heads down the hallway. - - FERRIS - Cameron's also the only guy - I know who knows what strategic - metals are. - (waves the magazine) - Pardon moi. - - He goes into the bathroom. We HEAR THE TOILET SEAT SLAM - DOWN. - - FERRIS - (sings) - MAYBE I'M JUST LIKE MY MOTHER, - SHE'S NEVER SATISFIED... - - 72 INT. CLASSROOM. LATER 72 - - A stunningly beautiful girl, SLOANE PETERSON, is sitting at - her desk in a history class. She's staring out the window as - a tweedy MALE TEACHER delivers a dry, dusty lecture. - - TEACHER - Roosevelt's health had seriously - deteriorated by the time he met - with Churchill and Stalin at Yalta. - (sneezes) - Pardon me. - - The classroom door opens and the school NURSE walks in. For - a moment, the teacher thinks she's come in because she heard - him sneeze. She crosses to him and whispers in his ear. - - SLOANE - - She, like the others, watches the nurse curiously. - - INT. CLASSROOM. TEACHER AND NURSE - - The teacher's face drops as he's delivered an obvious piece - of disturbing news. He nods grimly to the Nurse. She looks - at the kids. - - NURSE - Sloane Peterson? - - SLOANE - - Sits up in her seat. - - NURSE - - She's a picture of compassion and understanding. - - NURSE - May I see you outside for a moment? - There's been an emergency. - - SLOANE - - A smile curls across her lips. As she gathers her books she - looks to the GIRL next to her. - - SLOANE - (whispers) - Dead grandmother. - - 73 INT. HALLWAY 73 - - The Nurse is gently holding Sloane's hand. - - NURSE - (nods solemnly) - Dead grandmother. - - 74 CU. ROONEY 74 - - He has a suspicious look on his face. - - ROONEY - Dead grandmother? - - INT. DEAN'S OFFICE - - Rooney's at his desk. His secretary is standing across from - him. - - SECRETARY - That's what Mr. Peterson said. I - had Florence Sparrow notify Sloane. - - ROONEY - Who's this girl's going with? - - SECRETARY - It's so hard to tell. I see her - alot with Ferris Bueller. - - Rooney smiles. His suspicions are confirmed. - - ROONEY - Could you get me Mr. Peterson's - daytime number? - - As the secretary starts out of the room, Rooney's phone - rings. She stops and answers the desk phone. - - SECRETARY - Edward Rooney's office. - (pause) - Yes. Can you hold? Thank you. - - She puts the call on hold. - - SECRETARY - It's Mr. Peterson. - - Rooney is startled. He thinks for a beat then reaches for - the phone. - - SECRETARY - Do you still want his number? - - Rooney answers her with an annoyed look. She smiles and - backs out. He punches the phone button. - - ROONEY - Ed Rooney. - - MAN'S VOICE - Ed? This is George Peterson. - - ROONEY - How are you today, sir? - - MAN'S VOICE - We've had a bit of bad luck this - morning as you may have heard. - - Rooney rolls his eyes. It's so obvious it's not Mr. - Peterson. - - ROONEY - I heard. And, gosh, I'm all broken - up. Huh? Oh, sure. I'd be happy to - release Sloane. You produce a corpse - and I'll release Sloane. I want to - see this dead grandmother firsthand. - - The secretary stops cold in the doorway. She turns to Rooney - in horror. He covers the phone. - - ROONEY - (whispers) - It's Ferris Bueller. Nervy litttle - punk. I'm gonna set a trap and let - his walk right into it! - (to phone) - That's right. Cart the stiff in and - I'll turn over your daughter. It's - school policy. Was this your mother? - - Rooney's other line rings. - - 75 INT. SECRETARY'S OFFICE 75 - - She steps out of Rooney's office and picks up the other - line. - - SECRETARY - Ed Rooney's office. - - Her jaw drops. - - SECRETARY - Hold, please. - - She puts the call on hold and hangs up. She hurried into - Rooney's office. - - 76 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 76 - - Rooney's chewing out the person on the other line. - - ROONEY - I'll tell you want, you don't - like my policies, you can just - come on down and smooch by big - old ugly ass. You hear me? - - The secretary comes in. She's waving her arms furiously. - Rooney tries to wave her away. He's angry. She stomps her - foot. Rooney covers the phone. - - ROONEY - What!? - - SECRETARY - Ferris Bueller's on line two. - - CU. ROONEY'S FOOT - - It freezes in mid-tap. - - CU. ROONEY'S HAND - - The pencils falls from his fingers. - - CU. ROONEY'S FACE - - A mask of horror. He glances at the phone. - - CU. PHONE - - The second line light is flashing. - - CU. ROONEY - - He blinks, cocks his head, twitches. - - 77 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 77 - - He's zipping his pants, fastening his belt. The phone's - cradled against his shoulder. He speaks in the same voice he - used on his father. - - FERRIS - Mr. Rooney? I'm sorry to disturb - you at work but I was wondering if - it would be possible for my sister - to bring home any assignments from - my classes that I may need. - - 78 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. ROONEY 78 - - He's staring blankly ahead. - - FERRIS' VOICE - Thank you, sir. - - He nods. - - CU. PHONE - - Rooney's finger gingerly presses the button on the waiting - call. - - CU. ROONEY - - He winces as he returns to the first call. - - 79 INT. FERRIS' HOUSE. KITCHEN 79 - - Cameron's on the phone in the kitchen. He's doing a deep, - phoney "father" voice. - - CAMERON - You oughta be sorry for Christ's - sake! A family member dies and - you insult me. What's the matter - with you, anyway? - - 80 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. ROONEY 80 - - He apologies profusely to Cameron. He's perspiring, - trembling. - - ROONEY - I don't know. I thought you were - someone else. You have to know, - sir, that I would never deliberately - insult you. I can't begin to tell - you how embarrassed I am. - - CAMERON'S VOICE - Pardon my French but you're an asshole! - - Rooney nods enthusiastically. - - ROONEY - Absolutely! I most certainly am. - - 81 INT. KITCHEN 81 - - Cameron lays into Rooney. - - CAMERON - This isn't over yet, buster. You - just make sure my daughter's out - in front of the school in ten - minutes. Do you read me? - - ROONEY'S VOICE - Load and clear, Mr. Peterson. - - CAMERON - Call me sir, goddamn it! - - ROONEY'S VOICE - Sir. - - CAMERON - That's better. - - Ferris strolls into the kitchen to catch the last of the - conversation. Cameron covers the phone. - - CAMERON - (to Ferris) - I'm scared shitless, Ferris! What - is Rooney guesses my voice! - - FERRIS - Impossible. You're doing great. - - Cameron sighs and goes back to the phone. - - CAMERON - (clears his throat) - I don't have all day to bark at you - so I'll make this short and sweet. - - Ferris gives Cameron an enthusiastic thumbs up. - - FERRIS - (mouths) - Great! - - Cameron smiles proudly. - - CAMERON - I want my daughter out in front - of the school in ten minutes. By - herself. I don's want anyone around... - - Ferris smacks Cameron. He's said the wrong thing. He covers - the phone. - - CAMERON - What'd I do? - - FERRIS - Out in front my herself? It's too - suspicious! He'll think something's - up, moron. Cover it. - - Cameron panics. He holds the phone out to Ferris. - - CAMERON - You do it! - - Ferris waves his arms angrily. - - FERRIS - Talk! - - Cameron takes a deep breath. He clears his throat and puts - on his father's voice. - - CAMERON - I changed my mind, fella. You be out - in front with her! I wanna have a - few words with you! - - Ferris slaps Cameron. The phone flies out of his hand. - - 82 CU. ROONEY 82 - - He winces as the phone hits the floor with a loud CLONK! - We HEAR THE BOYS SCRAMBLING TO PICK UP THE PHONE, THEN - CAMERON CLEARING HIS THROAT. - - CAMERON'S VOICE - On second thought, I don't have - time to talk to you. We'll get - together soon and have lunch. - - We HEAR A SLAP AND THE CALL DISCONNECTS. - - 83 INT. FERRIS' KITCHEN 83 - - Cameron's rubbing the side of his head. - - CAMERON - Why'd you hit me?! - - FERRIS - Where's your brain?! - - CAMERON - Why'd you hit me?! - - FERRIS - Where's your brain?! - - CAMERON - Why'd you hit me? - - FERRIS - Where's your brain? - - CAMERON - I asked you first. - - FERRIS - How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney's - going to be there with her?! - - CAMERON - I said for her to be there alone - and you freaked! - - FERRIS - My, God, you're so stupid! - (aside) - I didn't hit you, I lightly slapped - you. - - CAMERON - You hit me. Look, don't ask me to - participate in your crap if you - don't like the way I do it! - - Ferris is incredulous at Cameron's stupidity. Cameron's - anger is intensified by his embarrassment. - - CAMERON - I was home, sick. You get me out of - bed, being me over here, make me - jeopardize my future, make me do - a phoney phone call on a dean of - students, a man who could squeeze - my nuts into oblivion and then - you deliberately hurt my feelings. - - FERRIS - I didn't deliberately hurt your feelings. - - CAMERON - Oh, really? - - FERRIS - Yeah, really. - - Cameron glares at Ferris. - - CAMERON - Hey, Ferris? Have a nice life. - - He turns and heads out of the room. Ferris sighs. - FERRIS - Cameron? - - CAMERON - Stick it up your ass, Ferris. - - FERRIS - Cameron, I'm sorry. I didn't mean - to jam you. It was uncalled for. - - Cameron stops. - - CAMERON - You're serious? - - He turns around. - - FERRIS - Dead serious. - - Cameron smiles. He appreciates Ferris apology. - - CAMERON - Thanks. - - FERRIS - You did screw up through, right? - Not that is was necessarily all - you fault. Right? - - CAMERON - (suspiciously) - Why? - - FERRIS - To fix this situation, I'm going - to have to ask you for a small favor. - - Cameron's jaw drops. - - 84 INT. GARAGE 84 - - The door opens slowly, dramatically as we hear a heraldic - fanfare. Light streams in to reveal Cameron and Ferris - looking at the car. Ferris is smiling with excitement and - awe. Cameron is frowning with trepidation and fear. - - CU. FERRARI STALLION - - The prancing black stallion. We move up from the stallion to - the erotic red hood of a 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. - - CAMERON AND FERRIS - - Cameron's face is ashen. The end of the world is at hand. - Ferris is in heaven. - - CAMERON - (grim monotone) - 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. Less - than a hundred were made. It has a - market value of $265,000. My father - spent three years restoring it. It - is joy, it is his love, it is his - passion. - - FERRIS - It is his fault he didn't lock the - garage. - - CAMERON - Ferris, my father loves this car more - than life itself. We can't take is out. - - FERRIS - A man with priorities so far out of - whack doesn't deserve such a fine - automobile. - - CAMERON - He never drives it, Ferris. He just - rubs it with a diaper. - - FERRIS - We can't pick up Sloane in your car, - Cameron. Rooney'd never believe Mr. - Peterson drives that piece of shit. - - CAMERON - It's not a piece of shit. - - FERRIS - It's a piece of shit. Don't worry - about it. I don't even have a piece - of shit. I have to envy yours. Look, - I'm sorry but there's nothing else - we can do. - - CAMERON - He knows the mileage, Ferris. He has - it tatooed on his wrist. - - FERRIS - He doesn't trust you? - - CAMERON - No. - - FERRIS - Alright, look, this is real simple. - He puts his arm around Cameron. - - FERRIS - Whatever miles we put on it, we'll - take off. - - CAMERON - (suspicious) - How? - - FERRIS - (big, proud smile) - We'll drive home backwards. - - Cameron shakes his head, no. - - CAMERON - Forget it. I'm putting my foot down, - Ferris. You'll have to think of - something else... - - CU. FERRARI GRILLE - - Cameron's protests are drowned out by the distinctive roar - of the twelve cylinders. - - CAMERON'S VOICE - ...You're not talking me into this - one. I have to live with the man. - I'm sorry but... - - The roar of the engine is overtaken by the sound of a - crowded school hallway. - - 85 INT. SCHOOL. JEANIE 85 - - She comes out of a classroom. She stops as Sloane and Rooney - walk past. Sloane has her coat on and she's carrying her - books. Jeanie watches her suspiciously. - - 86 EXT. SCHOOL 86 - - The Ferrari is parked out in front. The top is down. - - 87 INT. FERRARI 87 - - Ferris is driving. He's wearing a man's hat and sunglasses. - Cameron's in the back. - - CAMERON - Are you crazy?! Put the top back - up! - - FERRIS - This is perfect top-down weather. - CAMERON - What about Rooney? - - FERRIS - Cameron, the more obvious we are, - the less likely we are to get - caught. - - CAMERON - That makes no sense whatsoever. - - FERRIS - The adult mind is a suspicious - machine. - (look around at Cameron) - Stay down, man. - - Cameron squeezes himself lower. - - CAMERON - Howcome it's my Dad's car and - I'm taking all the risk and I have - to ride back here? - - FERRIS - I don't have an explanation. - - 88 EXT. SCHOOL 88 - - Rooney and Sloane come out the door. - - ROONEY - Once again let me say how deeply - saddened I am by your loss. - - SLOANE - Huh? - - ROONEY - Were you close to your grandmother? - - SLOANE - Oh. Um. Yeah. Very. She was a terrific - lady. Very hip. Very old. Yeah. - - DEEP VOICE - Oh, Sloane! Dear! - - Sloane looks across at the Ferrari. Rooney looks. - - THEIR POV - - Ferris is looking out across the roof of the Ferrari. He's - careful to keep his nose and mouth below the roofline. - - FERRIS - Hurry along now! - - EXT. SCHOOL - - Rooney's suspicious. Sloane smiles and bids Rooney a hasty - farewell. - - SLOANE - I guess that's my Dad. Thanks. - See ya. - - She hurries to the car. Rooney watches her. Something does - compute for him. - - 89 INT. SCHOOL. JEANIE 89 - - She's watching out the door. She sees the Ferrari pull away. - - 90 EXT. SCHOOL. ROONEY 90 - - He can't quite put his finger on what's bothering him. - - 91 INT. FERRARI 91 - - Sloane shrieks with delight. She leans across the console - and gives Ferris a kiss. - - SLOANE - This is so great! I can't believe - it! Right in front of Rooney! - - She laughs and turns to Cameron. - - SLOANE - Hi, Cameron. You comfortable? - - CAMERON - Hi. No. - - SLOANE - What a fabulous car! - - CAMERON - Enjoy it quick. It' s going home. - - FERRIS - It was risky, it was bold but - it was totally necessary. - - SLOANE - What're we gonna do? - - FERRIS - The question isn't "what are we - gonna do", the question is "what - aren't we going to do." - - CAMERON - Don't tell me we're not going to - take the car home. Please. - - FERRIS - (to CAMERA) - If you had access to a car like this - would you take it back right away? - Would you give up feeling like a - ton just to ease your best friend's - tension? - - He smiles. - - FERRIS - Either would I. - - 92 EXT. STREET. FERRARI 92 - - It accelerates away like a shot. - - 93 EXT. SUBURBAN BANK 93 - - A fresh, modern bank building. The clock outside read 9:53. - The Ferrari pulls into the parking lot. - - 94 INT. BANK. DOORS 94 - - Ferris, Cameron and Sloane walk in. Ferris is cocky and - confident. Sloane's still intoxicated with her freedom. - Cameron's having stomach trouble. Ferris leads the way to an - open teller window. - - INT. BANK. TELLER - - A WOMAN about seventy with a silver blue beehive. It's about - four inches higher the highest beehive you're ever seen. As - she moves the beehive hits a small sign over her head. She's - been at the bank since they opened. She smiles when she sees - Ferris. - - TELLER - Ferris Bueller? - - FERRIS - - He's at the window. On either shoulder are Cameron and - Sloane. Ferris smiles. Cameron blanches. - - FERRIS - Hello, Mrs. Froeling. How are you? - - TELLER - - She pats the rock-solid mass of blue hair. In doing so she - locates a missing ball point pen. She withdraws it from the - hair and smiles at it's reappearance. - - TELLER - I passed a kidney stone Tuesday, so - I'm a little pooped but other than - that, I'm as chipper as can be. - (something occurs to her) - Say, should you be in school? - - FERRIS - - He lays his savings bonds on the counter. - - FERRIS - Me? - (polite laugh) - I'm out of school, Mrs. Froeling. - In fact. I'm married. This is my - wife...Madonna. - - Sloane suppresses a laugh. - - FERRIS - (to Cameron) - And this is my brother-in-law, - ZZ Top. ZZ, this is Mrs. Froeling. - - Cameron isn't amused. - - TELLER - (to Cameron) - Is Top a Slavic name? - - CAMERON - Yeah. - - FERRIS - I'd like to cash these in, please. - We're having a baby and we need the - cash for a crib, clothes, diapers, - food pellets, leash, water dish... - - INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW - - Mrs. Froeling takes the bonds with a hearty smile. The - latter part of the conversation sails over her like a line - drive. - - TELLER - A baby! - (to Sloane) - You must be so excited. - - Cameron groans and turns away from the sham. - - SLOANE - I'm thrilled, ma'am. I'm especially - looking forward to wearing those - jeans with the stretch panel in - front. - - Mrs. Froeling thumbs through the bonds. - - TELLER - Are you hoping for a boy or - a girl? - - SLOANE - Actually, we're hoping for a car. - - CU. CAMERON - - He's spooked by the games playing. He scans the bank - nervously. He blinks, focuses, blinks again. - - HIS POV - - Joyce is with a MIDDLE-AGED COUPLE and their bored, - sour-puss teenage son, BOYD. He's sitting in a chair with - his legs slung over the sides waving a Bic lighter back and - forth across his rump. The parents are Joyce's clients from - Vermont. A LOAN OFFICER is discussing the local financing - situation with them. His is an open office adjacent to the - teller windows. Joyce's back is to the tellers. - - CU. CAMERON - - It's like he's just witnesses an ax murder. - - CAMERON - Shit... - - INT. BANK. JOYCE - - Her back is to the teller windows. She's conducting her - meeting. Behind her we see Cameron grab Ferris and point her - out to him. He waves. Cameron slaps his arm. - - INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW - - Mrs. Froeling shows Ferris the savings bonds. - - TELLER - These bonds aren't mature. If you hold - onto them another two years you'll get - an additional four dollars... - - FERRIS - I'm aware of that. - - TELLER - You're throwing away four dollars. - - FERRIS - No, ma'am, I'm giving it to the - government. They need it. Do you - know what an aircraft carrier's - going for these days? - - INT. BANK. JOYCE - - She concludes her meeting. She shakes hands with the loan - officer and stands. The Vermont Couple stands. Boyd scrapes - the bottom of his shoe on the desk, leaving a glob of mud - behind and he stands. Joyce turns into the bank. Ferris, - Cameron and Sloane are gone. She escorts her customers out. - - INT. BANK. DOOR - - Joyce and the Vermont Couple approach the doors. Boyd lays a - luggie in the drinking fountain. Mrs. Froeling passes with - the savings bonds. She stops when she sees Joyce. - - JOYCE - Mrs. Froeling, how are you? - - MRS. FROELING - I passed a kidney stone Tuesday. - (shifts gears, to Joyce) - Say, you must be very proud. - - Joyce doesn't know what she's talking about. - - MRS. FROELING - (whispers) - I met Madonna. - - She pats Joyce on the arm. - - MRS. FROELING - She told me everything. Keep me posted, - I'll want to send a gift. - - She toodles on her way. Joyce and the Vermont Couple are - completely baffled. - - 95 EXT. BANK 95 - - Joyce and the Vermont Couple walk along the side of the - bank, heading for the parking lot. Boyd's tagging along - behind. He picks up a stone and hurls it into the parking - lot. - - JOYCE - My son's home sick today. If - you wouldn't mind, on our way - back to the office, I'd like - to just run in and check up on him. - - We HEAR A METALLIC PING! as Boyd's missle hits a car. - - MOTHER - Of course. - - They pass a show window. As they pass, we hold on the - window. It's promoting saving for college educations. A - mannequin father is congratulating his mannequin son in a - mortar and gown as a stiff Sloane, Ferris and Cameron look - on proudly. - - 96 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 96 - - His secretary is dialing a number for him. - - SECRETARY - This is the Peterson's home. - - She hands the phone to Rooney. - - SECRETARY - Watch your mouth this time. - - Rooney glares at her. - - ROONEY - Ferris Bueller's behind this. There's - no doubt in my mind. That's what I was - saying this morning. Why he has to be stopped. - He's got Sloane Peterson involved in this - thing now. See? - - The secretary nods. - - SECRETARY - And her grandmother, too. - - 97 CU. PHONE ANSWER MACHINE 97 - - It clicks on. We hear a grieved woman's voice. It sounds an - awful lot like Sloane. - - SLOANE - We can't come to the phone right now. - We've had a death in the family. If - you need to reach us we'll be at - the following number... - - 98 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 98 - - Rooney quickly takes down a number. - - 99 EXT. CAMERON'S HOUSE 99 - - His answering machine clicks on. We hear Cameron's voice. - - CAMERON'S VOICE - You have reached the Coughlin Bros. - Mortuary. We are unable to come to - the phone right now but if you'll leave - your name and number... - -100 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 100 - - Rooney hangs up the phone. - - ROONEY - Something's going on, goddamn it. - - The secretary's looking at a newspaper on Rooney's desk. - She's not listening to him. - - SECRETARY - There's a railroad strike. - - ROONEY - And I'm going to stop it! - - SECRETARY - My brother-in-law'll appreciate it. - - Rooney looks at her, puzzled. - - ROONEY - What? - - SECRETARY - My brother-in-law rides the train - to work. - - Rooney stares at her like she's crazy. - - ROONEY - Who gives a good goddamn? - -101 EXT. EDENS EXPRESSWAY 101 - - The major thoroughfare into the city of Chicago from the - suburbs. The Ferrari streaks past. In the distance we see - the Sears Tower, the Hancock Building and the Standard Oil - Building. - -102 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 102 - - Jeanie's walking down the hall. She's stopped by a KID with - a Coke can. - - KID - Yo. We're collecting money to - buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney. - - Jeanie stares at him. She's flabbergasted at the proportions - her brother's scan has reached. - - KID - They run about fifty g's so it - you could help out... - - JEANIE - Go piss up a flagpole! - - KID - Huh? - - She knocks the can out of his hands and storms down the hall. - The kid yells after her. - - KID - Hey, babe! Some day you might - need a favor from Ferris Bueller! - Then where'll you be?! - - He reaches for the can. - - KID - Heartless wench... - -103 EXT. CHICAGO LOOP. PARKING GARAGE 103 - - The Ferrari pulls into a large parking garage. - - EXT. GARAGE - - Ferris, Sloane and Cameron get out. Cameron's having fits. - - CAMERON - We can't leave the car here! - - FERRIS - Why not? - CAMERON - Because we can't! I want it back - home where it belongs! - - SLOANE - What could happen to it? - - CAMERON - It could get stolen, wrecked, scratched, - you name it. - - FERRIS - I'll give the guy a five to watch it. - - CAMERON - What guy? - - CU. PARKING ATTENDANT - - He smiles with relish at the car. 6'6", 240. An IQ that - equals his hourly wage. Shoulder-length hair stuffed into a - hairnet Gold teeth. Earring. Goatee. - - EXT. PARKING LOT - - The Attendant swaggers over to the car. Ferris slips him a - give. - - FERRIS - You speak English? - - ATTENDANT - Since I was three. - - FERRIS - Great. I want to you take extra special - care of this vehicle, okay? - - He pats the Attendant on the arm. He smiles. - - ATTENDANT - Like it's a beautiful woman. - - FERRIS - I appreciate it. - - The Attendant very gingerly gets into the car. Ferris turns - to Cameron. The Ferrari pulls into the lot very slowly, very - carefully. No squealing tires, no revving engine. - - FERRIS - See what a finski can do to - a person's attitude? He's going - to treat it like a beautiful - woman. - - CAMERON - Yeah, sure. Whip it with a stick - and piss on the hood. - - SLOANE - Oh, please, Cameron. Do you have to - be so graphic? - - She heads down the street. - - SLOANE - This is so right! - - Ferris nudges Cameron on. They exit the garage and head - after Sloane. A long beat and the Ferrari creeps down the - exit ramp of the garage. It's gone in the entrance and out - the exit. Another attendant jumps in the passenger side. - He's skinny, tall, with a huge knit hat willed with dreads. - He lets out a spirited laugh and the Ferrari peels out of - the lot. It heads down the street away from Sloane, Ferris - and Cameron. - -104 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 104 - - Joyce's care pulls in the driveway. She gets out and heads up - the house. - -105 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 105 - - It's dark. There's a figure in the bed. We hear soft - snoring. A wire runs from under the bed covers to the closet - door to the door to the room itself. - - INT. ROOM. DOOR KNOB - - The wire is tied to the doorknob. It's taut. Downstairs, we - hear a door open and close. - -106 INT. HOUSE. STAIRWAY 106 - - Joyce quietly walks up the stairs. - -107 INT. HOUSE. HALLWAY 107 - - Joyce comes up the stairs and crosses to Ferris' room. She - listens at the door. WE HEAR THE SNORING. - - CU. DOORKNOB - - Joyce slowly turns the doorknob and pushes the door open a - crack. - - HER POV - - The door opens and the figure-like lump in the bed moves. - - CU. JOYCE - - She smiles and closes the door. - -108 INT. ROOM. CLOSET 108 - - The closet door is open. The wire from the bedroom door is - strung over the top of the closet door. A trophy is attached - to the end of the wire and it's resting on a yard stick. As - the bedroom door closes, the trophy lifts up off the - yardstick and the lump in the bed goes back down to it's - original position. - - CU. FERRIS' SYNTHESIZER - - Little LED's are lighting up to the rhythm of the snoring. - The snoring it simulated. - -109 INT. HALLWAY 109 - - Joyce listens at the door another beat. She's smiles with - relief and affection. - -110 EXT. SEARS TOWER. LATER 110 - - HELICOPTER SHOT moves in on the world's tallest building. As - it passes we see three figures pressed against the windows. - - FERRIS (VO) - This is the world's tallest building. - From our vantage point here on the - 103 floor, we are provided with a - view of four states. - - CAMERON (VO) - Do you think the car's alright? - - FERRIS (VO) - Illinois, Michigan, Wisconsin and - my personal favorite, Indiana. - -111 INT. SEARS TOWER OBSERVATION DECK 111 - - Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are standing against the window. - - CAMERON - I don't feel good, Ferris. Are - we gonna stay long? - - FERRIS - Take a step back... - - Ferris steps back. Sloane and Cameron follow suit. - - FERRIS - Now, lean against the glass. Like - this... - - He leans forward, putting all his weight on his forehead. - - FERRIS - And look down. - - Sloane leans forward. Cameron follows, reluctantly. - - SLOANE - Oh, shit! - - HER POV - - The street far, far below. A dizzying view. - - INT. OBSERVATION DECK - - The three are leaning against the glass. - - SLOANE - What if the glass gives? - - FERRIS - Death. - - SLOANE - Cool. - - CU. CAMERON - - He's looking down. - - CAMERON - I think I see my Dad. - -112 EXT. STREET LEVEL 112 - - A middle-aged man, Cameron's father, HORACE FRYE, is - standing on the street corner. He's lean, clean, tough and - humorless. He's wearing a puzzled look on his face. - - CAMERON'S FATHER - I think I see my car. - - HIS POV - - The Ferrari screams down the avenue and disappears down the - underground ramp. - -113 INT. SEARS TOWER LOBBY 113 - - Ferris and Sloane bound down the escalator. Cameron follows - glumly. They dance past the giant Calder mobile. They're - singing. - - FERRIS AND SLOANE - I BEEN ALL 'ROUND THIS GREAT BIG WORLD - AND I'VE SEEN ALL KINDS OF GIRLS - YEAH, BUT I COULDN'T WAIT TO GET - BACK IN THE STATES - BACK TO THE CUTEST GIRLS IN THE WORLD - I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA - I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA - -114 EXT. STREET 114 - - Ferris and Sloane burst out the doors garnering the annoyed - stares of the business people busily going in and out of the - building. Cameron politely waits his turn to exit. Ferris - and Sloane head down the street. Cameron follows. - - FERRIS AND SLOANE - I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA GIRLS! - -115 EXT. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE 115 - - Giant old monolith. - -116 INT. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. TRADING ROOM 116 - - Traders are frantically buying and selling commodities. - -117 INT. GALLERY 117 - - Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the gallery - watching the proceedings. - - SLOANE - Do you love me? - - FERRIS - Do you love me? - - SLOANE - I asked you first. - - FERRIS - Yes. You? - - SLOANE - Yes. - - FERRIS - Would I trash a day of education to - be with you if I didn't love you? - - SLOANE - Yes. - - FERRIS - Would I risk damaging a deep and - wonderfully enriching relationship - with my parents if I didn't love you? - - SLOANE - Yes. - - FERRIS - Would I have introduced you as my wife - if I didn't love you? - - SLOANE - Wait a minute. That was a lie. - - FERRIS - True. - - Ferris puts his arm around Sloane. - - FERRIS - Would you want to get married? I - mean if I wasn't an asshole. - - SLOANE - Sure. - - FERRIS - (serious) - Today? - - Sloane stares at him. Is he serious. - - FERRIS - I'm game. - - SLOANE - No way! - - FERRIS - I'll do it, if you will. - - Cameron suddenly adds his two cents. - - CAMERON - You need a blood test. - - Ferris looks around at him. - - FERRIS - Huh? - - CAMERON - If your blood's not compatible, - you could produce a pinhead. The - state requires a blood test. - - FERRIS - So? - - CAMERON - So, you can't get married today. - - FERRIS - Tomorrow? - - CAMERON - If you get a blood test today. - - SLOANE - I'm not getting married. - - CAMERON - I'm with you, babe. - - FERRIS - Why not? - - SLOANE - What do you mean, why not? Think - about it. - - FERRIS - Besides being too young and your - father hating my guts and not - having any place to live and feeling - awkward about being the only cheer- - leader with a husband, give me a - good reason why not. - - CAMERON - I'll give you two. My mother and - father. - - Ferris and Sloane look at him curiously. - - CAMERON - They're married and they hate each other. - (to Ferris) - You've seen them. Am I right? - - FERRIS - You're father's a toad and your - Mom's always wired out, but so what? - They're old. That's natural. - - CAMERON - It makes me puke. Seeing people - treat each other like that. It's - like the car. He loves the car. - He hates his wife. - - SLOANE - My parents are divorced. So what? - It's not like it doesn't happen - ten thousand times a day. - - CAMERON - Just because it happens doesn't - make it right. Are you comfortable - with it? - - SLOANE - No. It's not something I can get comfortable - with. I've tried. Are yours divorced? - - CAMERON - They may as well be. - - SLOANE - Do you think they're staying together - because of you? - - Cameron hasn't seen it that way. He shrugs. - - SLOANE - Do they like you? - - It hasn't occured to Cameron that his parents might not like - him. That parental love might not be a given. - - CAMERON - Yeah. Sure. - - SLOANE - Consider this...my father canned me - and my brother and my Mom for a - twenty five year old dipso with fake - tits. He dropped us like a rock. Everything - was cool at our house. I thought so. - We all thought so. Then BLAM! It's over. - - FERRIS - (to CAMERA) - This is all news to me. She keeps a - pretty good secret. - - SLOANE - (to Cameron) - It was pure selfishness. When I have - a kid, I don't care how much I want - something, if it's gonna screw-up the - kid, forget it. - - FERRIS - (to CAMERA) - She's not lying. - - CAMERON - You could change. - - SLOANE - Yeah. But I'm gonna try not to. - I'm gonna think about it. I'm - gonna try to prevent it. - - FERRIS - This is optomism. It's a common - trait with my age group. Adults - think it's cute, it's like a charming - quick that infests youth. But it's - a cool thing and I think, deep down, - crusty old shits wish they had some. - They wish they had her, too. - (points to Sloane) - Sorry. She's taken. - - CAMERON - I'd rather not have my family break - apart, thank you. - - SLOANE - Well, you know what? It ain't up - to you. It's out of your hands. - - CAMERON - So, I in other words, I should just - sit back and watch it crumble? - - SLOANE - You're merely an inhabitant in their - universe. - - FERRIS - Frightening choice of words. - - SLOANE - They call the shots. When you split - from them, you call the shots. - - CAMERON - So, you're saying I should run away? - - FERRIS - No. She's saying it's time for lunch. - - SLOANE - What? - - FERRIS - Let's go feed Cameron. - - They stand up and head out. Ferris hangs back a moment. He - cups his hands to his mouth. He yells at the top of his - voice. - - FERRIS - BUY! - - And he exits. Cool and casual. - -118 INT. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. TRADING FLOOR 118 - - It explodes with activity in response to Ferris' shout. - We HEAR A RADIO ANNOUNCER. - - ANNOUNCER - Commodity prices rose sharply today - in unusually heavy trading... - -119 EXT. RESTAURANT 119 - - A French restaurant on the Gold Coast. It's noon. - -120 INT. RESTAURANT 120 - - Ferris, Sloane and Cameron are standing in the restaurant. - Ferris is looking at the maitre 'd's reservations book. - - HIS POV - - His fingers runs down to a party of three for 12:00. - - INT. RESTAURANT - - The maitre'd returns. - - MAITRE'D - (to Ferris) - May I help you? - - FERRIS - Yes. I'm Abe Frohman. Party of - three for 12:00. - - The maitre'd looks at Ferris curiously. - - FERRIS - Is there a problem? - - MAITRE'D - You're Abe Frohman? - - FERRIS - I'm Abe Frohman. - - MAITRE'D - (chuckles) - I'm sorry, son. I'm very busy right - now. If you have trouble finding the - door... - - Sloane tugs Ferris' sleeve. He ignores her. - - FERRIS - Are you suggesting that I'm not - who I say I am? - - MAITRE'D - Shall I call the police? - - CAMERON - Let's go...Abe. - - FERRIS - I'm not going anywhere. - (to the Maitre'd) - Call the police. Go ahead. Better - yet... - (grabs the phone) - ...I'll call myself. - - Cameron chokes. Sloane grits her teeth. The maitre'd smiles - smuggly. - - CU. PHONE - - Ferris punches out a number. A beat and the restaurant's - second line lights up and the phone rings. - - INT. RESTAURANT - - The maitre'd motions for the phone so that he can answer the - call. Ferris waves him off angrily. - - FERRIS - You touch me and I yell "rat!" - There's another phone around here. - Find it. - - The maitre'd backs off. - - CAMERON - Ferris, let's split, please? - - SLOANE - Cameron's right. We're gonna - get busted. - - FERRIS - Not a chance in the world. - - He hands the phone to Sloane. - - FERRIS - Ask for Abe Frohman. - - INT. RESTAURANT. LATER - - Ferris, Sloane and Cameron are seated in the restaurant. The - maitre'd is hovering over Ferris. - - MAITRE'D - I appreciate your understanding. - - FERRIS - Don't grovel, Charles. Just leave - us to our repast and all will be - forgotten. - - MAITRE'D - Enjoy your luncheon. - - FERRIS - Thank you. - - The maitre'd backs away. Ferris smiles. Sloane is impressed. - Cameron is flushed with nerves. - - FERRIS - Darling, you were wonderful. - - SLOANE - Oh, but I had a wonderful teacher. - - FERRIS - Cameron, dear friend? - - Cameron looks to Ferris. - - FERRIS - And you thought we wouldn't have - any fun. Shame on you. - - Ferris disappears behind his menu. - -121 EXT. SCHOOL 121 - - We HEAR HALLWAY SOUNDS AND JEANIE. - - JEANIE (VO) - Ferris Bueller's days are numbered. - -122 INT. GIRL'S LOCKER ROOM 122 - - Jeanie's sitting on a bench in a field hockey uniform. She's - talking to a FRIEND. - - JEANIE - (mean, vicious) - I'm gonna bust his buns. - - FRIEND - Why? What's the point? - - JEANIE - Why? Because I'm sick of the little - dope. He manipulates my parents, he - does whatever he wants, whenever he - wants and he never gets nailed. - (wicked pause) - Well, babe, today I'm the hammer. - - She yanks angrily on the velcro strap on her sneakers. The - straps rip off in her hand. - - FRIEND - I think he's cute. - - JEANIE - Sweetie, it's an established fact that - you have no taste. Ferris is not cute. - He's not charming. He's not nice. He's - not a wonderful person. He's an ignorant - mule and the sooner everybody in this - school comes to that realization the - better off we'll all be. - - She displays the velcro straps to her friend. - - JEANIE - See? My brother strokes you, you - sympathize with him, I get pissed - off and this is what happens! - - Jeanie tosses the straps on the floor. - - JEANIE - Let me tell you something. I study - hard, I work hard, I'm polite, I'm - considerate, I'm friendly and fair - to all kinds of people. Except - morons. I try to be everything a - good, decent person should be and - you know what? - - FRIEND - Everybody thinks you're an asshole. - - Jeanie freezes with her next sentence pinned to her tongue. - - JEANIE - Excuse me? - - FRIEND - I don't think you're an asshole. - - JEANIE - Who does? - - Her friend smiles sheepishly. - - JEANIE - Rachel? - - Jeanie's friend shrugs, wags her head, does everything but - verbally confirm. - - JEANIE - Rachel's a dirt bag. Who else? - - FRIEND - I don't know. Just forget it. - - JEANIE - Forget that everybody thinks I'm an - asshole? Would you like everybody to - think you're an asshole? - - FRIEND - Not everybody thinks you're an - asshole. Mr. Rooney likes you. - - JEANIE - Oh, hey. That's exciting. A fat - fifty year old clod with B.O. - likes me. - - Jeanie shakes her head in disbelief. - - JEANIE - Would everybody be happier if - maybe I were to die in a flaming - car accident or something? - - FRIEND - Maybe if you didn't cat like and - asshole... - - JEANIE - Am I acting like an asshole? - - FRIEND - I didn't mean it that way. - - JEANIE - I this a conspiracy to shit all - over me or something? Is my brother - behind this? Tell me if he is or I'll - sock your tits. - - FRIEND - You really do have a problem, Jeanie. - - JEANIE - Me? I have a problem? - - FRIEND - Somebody who threatens to sock people's - tits has a problem. - - JEANIE - Alright. How about if I sock your - face? - - Jeanie's friend gets up. - - FRIEND - Take a walk, Jeanie. - - Her friend exits. - - JEANIE - (yells after her) - If it means anything to you, I - have my period! MY BODY'S RIDDING - ITSELF OF OLD EGGS, GODDAMN IT! - - She snarls and slumps against the lockers. - - JEANIE - He's gone. He's over. He's monkey meat. - -123 INT. MEN'S ROOM. CHEZ PAUL 123 - - Ferris is standing at the urinal. - - FERRIS - She's a person who views life as - an ordeal that must be endured. Her - body is a transport vehicle for her - anger. I don't know where she gets - this shit. Basically, the family's - pretty cool. - - He looks down at the urinal. - - FERRIS - I wonder if everybody shoots at - cigarette butts in urinals? Probably - not many women. - (continues) - I used to think that my family was - the only one that had weirdness - in it. It used to worry me. Then I - met Cameron and I saw how his - family functioned. - - He zips this trousers and steps away from the urinal. - - FERRIS - Cameron's home life is really shit. - He wasn't lying. That's why he's sick - all the time. It really upsets him. - What he said about his parents hating - each other? I refuse to sleep over at - his house. His parents fight all the - time. Even when I'm there. Is there - anything worse than being at somebody's - house when their parents are fighting? - It's the absolute height of social - discomfort. - - He checks his hair in the mirror. - - FERRIS - When they go after each other, Cameron - tightens up. It's scary. He gets so - wadded-up, you couldn't pry his buns - apart with a crowbar. The thing with - taking his old man's car? It's good - for him. It teaches him to deal with - his fear. Plus, and I must - be honest here, I love driving it. - I highly recommend picking one up. - - He exists the men's room. We hold a beat. A toilet flushes. - Another beat and Tom walks out of the stall. He crosses to - the sink. - -124 INT. RESTAURANT 124 - - Cameron and Sloane have been served their lunches. They're - staring at the plates. - - CAMERON - What is it? - - SLOANE - I don't know. But it looks like - it's already been eaten and digested. - - CAMERON - I knew it was a mistake letting - Ferris order for us. - - Ferris slides over to the table and drops into his seat. - - FERRIS - What are you doing? - - Cameron looks at Ferris. - - CAMERON - What is this shit? - - FERRIS - You got me. I don't speak French. - - He puts his napkin in his lap and smells his plate. - - FERRIS - I think it's a land-based beefoid - creature. - - He takes a bite. He savors the taste. - - FERRIS - Splendid. - - CAMERON - Really? - - FERRIS - Superb. - - Cameron and Sloane try theirs. They chew tentatively. - - FERRIS - Good? - - Sloane and Cameron shrug. It's not bad. A WAITER passes. - Ferris stops him. - - FERRIS - Yo, Clouseau! - - The waiter stops and looks at Ferris indignantly. - - FERRIS - I have a growth on my brain that - causes memory lapses. Could you - tell me what we ordered here? - - The waiter glances at the plates. - - WAITER - Sweetbreads. - - FERRIS - Uh, huh. And what might that be? - - WAITER - Pancreas. - - FERRIS - As in the gland that has important - functions in digestion and metabolism? - - CU. SLOANE AND CAMERON - - They stop chewing. They're holding their sweetbreads in their - mouths. - - CU. FERRIS - - He continues his questioning. - - FERRIS - ...That secretes a thick, colorless fluid - containing digestive enzymes? The home - of the world famous isles of Langerhans? - - CU. WAITER - - He nods broadly, knowing that he's spoiling the kids' meal. - - CU. SLOANE AND CAMERON - - They look at each other. - - CU. FERRIS - - He pats his mouth with his napkin. He looks to Cameron and - Sloane. He raises a finger, holds it a beat and gives a cue. - - CU. WAITER - - He turns away as Sloane and Cameron spit out their food. - - CU. FERRIS - - He watches Sloane and Cameron then glances at the waiter. - - FERRIS - Check, please! - -125 EXT. RESTAURANT 125 - - Tom and his two GUESTS are standing at the curb, talking. A - cab is waiting. The door's open. In the B.G. Ferris, Sloane - and Cameron come out of the restaurant. They approach the - cab. Tom's back it to Ferris. Ferris stops cold. - - FERRIS, SLOANE, CAMERON - - They turns on cue at Tom, now in the B.G., turns toward the - restaurant. - - FERRIS - 40,000 restaurants in the downtown - area and I pick the one my father - goes to. - - CAMERON - We're gonna get nabbed, for sure. - - FERRIS - No way, Cameron. Only the meek - get nabbed. The bold survive. - Let's go. - - He turns to the cab. Sloane and Cameron turn slowly. - - EXT. STREET. CAB - - Tom and his party are still jawing at curbside. Ferris, - Sloane and Cameron slowly approach the cab. Behind the backs - of the men, Ferris scoots Sloane into the cab. Cameron - dashes in. The Ferris hops the cab. - - INT. CAB - - Ferris slams the door. - - CU. CAB DOOR HANDLE - - A man's hand reaches for the handle as the cab pulls away. - - EXT. RESTAURANT - - Tom and his guests watch in bewilderment at their cab takes - off. MUSIC COMES UP. - -126 EXT. MUSEUM OR SCIENCE AND INDUSTRY 126 - - The grand old Chicago museum. - -127 INT. MUSEUM. OVERHEAD SHOT 127 - - The main gallery is crowded with school kids. - - INT. MUSEUM. FLOOR - - A class of kids walking along holding hands. Among the - second graders are Ferris, Sloane and Cameron, holding hands - looking like giant grade schoolers. - - INT. MUSEUM. DISPLAY CASE - - Baby chicks are hatching in a huge, round incubator. Sloane, - Ferris and Cameron are intently watching the process. - - INT. MUSEUM. COAL MINE - - Sloane, Ferris and Cameron ride in the coal train in the - coal mine replica. Ferris and Sloane are making out. - - INT. MUSEUM. INDUSTRIAL DISPLAY - - Sloane operates a metal press to produce a tin ashtray. - - INT. MUSEUM. HEART REPLICA - - A giant, walk-thru replica of a human heart. Ferris staggers - out of it, clutching his heart, feigning a massive heart - attack. - - INT. GERMAN U-BOAT - - Ferris is examining the controls of the captured U-Boat. He - checks to see if he's being watched then he presses a button - and pulls a lever. - - CU. PROPELLER - - For the first time in forty years, the screw turns. - - CU. HUMAN FETUS IN A BOTTLE - - The famous stages of life display which features bottled - fetuses. The ninth month. A tiny human being in a jar. - - CU. SLOANE, FERRIS, CAMERON - - Sloane wants to cry. Cameron's stomach is in his throat. - Ferris is lost in thought. The MUSIC ENDS. - - SLOANE - (remorsefully) - I wonder if he has a name? - - FERRIS - (blank) - Ninth Month. - -128 EXT. CHICAGO RIVER. LONG, HIGH SHOT 128 - - From the Merchandise Mart, looking down the fetid, green - swath of water. A boat is rolling up the man-made canyon. - - CAMERON (VO) - Are you guys worried about nuclear war? - - FERRIS (VO) - Cameron, it's a beautiful day, we've - won our freedom, we're traveling down - one of American's most scenic polluted - waterways and you have to bring up - nuclear war? - - SLOANE (VO) - It is kind of raggy subject, Cam. - - CAMERON (VO) - Regardless. It's with us every day. - The possiblity of global destruction. - - SLOANE (VO) - Don't you think it's an issue because - people need something to worry about? - They have to like, have some major - problem that puts all their little - bullshit into some kind of persepective? - - CAMERON (VO) - Maybe. - - FERRIS - They used to have Viet Nam. They - used to have the oil crisis stuff - and Iran. That's over and people - have to have their big issue. It's - not like somebody came up with the - nuclear holocaust yesterday at - noon, you know. - - SLOANE (VO) - To answer your question...No, I'm not - worried about it at all. - - FERRIS (VO) - We don't know when the bombs going - off. We do know, however, that college - starts in the fall. - - CAMERON (VO) - (dramatic, deadly serious) - Do you know what a nuclear winter is? - - Long beat. - - SLOANE (VO) - Yeah. Everybody's dead, it's real - cold and the skiing's for shit. - - The boat makes the turn in the river and CLEARS FRAME. - - EXT. BOAT DOCK - - The three are sitting on the aft deck of the tour boat. - Their feet are up on the railing. Very casual, very relaxed. - Discussing the end of the world. - - SLOANE - My step-father's always going off about - how when he was young he was committed to - all these causes. - - FERRIS - He's full of shit. All the old hippies - are full of shit. - - SLOANE - He says I don't care about things like - he did. - - FERRIS - What's he care about now? - - SLOANE - Baldness, fatty meats and money. - - FERRIS - I rest my case. - - CAMERON - What's spooky is they still control - everything. They took over when they - were young and they never gave it up. - - FERRIS - One of the most frightening experiences - of my young life has been observing - my parents and our neighbors playing - the Baby Boom Edition of Trivial Pursuits. - It's chilling to see people crazed with - the minutia of their past. - - CAMERON - It's human nature to like what you had - better than what you have. - - SLOANE - Agreed. - - A loud speaker on the boat identifies a point of interest. - - LOUDSPEAKER - TO YOUR LEFT IT THE WORLD'S TALLEST - BUILDING... - - The three look to the left. - - LOUDSPEAKER, FERRIS, - SLOANE, CAMERON - The Sears Tower. - - CAMERON - You know, this is all very interesting - but I'm starving. - - FERRIS - An hour ago you wanted to yack. - - CAMERON - I feel better now. - - FERRIS - Lean over and grab a fish. - - Cameron looks over the side of the boat. An obtuse thought - flashes through Sloane's brain. - - SLOANE - What comes after a nuclear winter? - - FERRIS - Nuclear spring. - -129 EXT. SCHOOL 129 - - Meanwhile... - -130 INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE DEAN'S OFFICE 130 - - Jeanie is having a small moral debate with herself. - - JEANIE - It's reprehensible to squeal on - your own flesh and blood...but it's - for his own good. His cavalier - attitude will get him into trouble - later in life...and it'll continue - to piss me off and I'll get so - wadded-up that it'll cause cervex cancer - and he'll ruin my life. Screw him. - - She slips into the Dean's outer office. - -131 INT. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE 131 - - Rooney's secretary is behind her desk. Jeanie walks in. The - secretary looks up and greets her with a weary smile. - - SECRETARY - Hello, Jeanie. Who's bothering - you now? - - Jeanie scowls at her. - - JEANIE - Is Dean Rooney in? - - SECRETARY - I'm sorry, he's out. Can I help you? - - JEANIE - (condescending) - I seriously doubt it. When's he back? - - SECRETARY - I don't know. He left the grounds - on personal business. - -132 EXT. STREET. CU. CURB 132 - - A car tire rolls into FRAME and stops. Slide across to the - sidewalk. Rooney's dress shoe steps out onto the pavement. - Move up to reveal Rooney standing at the door of his - bile-green LeBaron. Rooney peels off his shades and looks - around like he's Dirty Harry. In his mind he is Dirty Harry. - - CU. FIRE HYDRANT - - Rooney's dres shoe on the hydrant. He ties his lace and - pulls up his sock. - - EXT. STREET - - Rooney straightens his tie and jacket and slips into a rowdy - hot dog joint. - -133 INT. HOT DOG STAND 133 - - It's jammed with construction workers, secretaries, suburban - businessmen. It's loud and confusing. Rooney pushes his way - in and scopes the crowd. - - HIS POV - - A young person is playing a video game in a far corner. - - CU. ROONEY - - He suspects it's Ferris. It look sort of like Ferris. He - smiles and cuts into the crowd. - - CU. THE BACK OF THE VIDEO PLAYER'S HEAD - - MOVE IN on the player. - - ROONEY (OC) - I've been waiting a long time - for this. - - The player looks up. - - ROONEY (OC) - Your ass is mine. - - The player turns around. It's a GIRL. - - CU. ROONEY - - The blood evacuates his face. He stares at the girl. - - CU. GIRL - - She stares at him. She picks up her Coke. She puts the straw - to her lips and sucks. - - CU. ROONEY - - He's still staring. He can't think of anything to say. - - CU. GIRL - - Holding the straw in the mouth, she draws it out of the cup. - She raises it, pointing it directly in Rooney's face. - - CU. ROONEY - - He squints - - CU. GIRL - - She blows a strawful of Coke in Rooney's face. - - CU. NAPKIN HOLDER - - A hand yanks a napkin hold. - - INT. HOT DOG STAND. SERVICE COUNTER - - Rooney wipes his face. Behind him is the kitchen and a - grease-covered TV set broadcasting a Cubs baseball game. - There's a long foul ball. The TV camera follows the ball - into the stands. A kid makes a stab at the ball. Rooney - wipes his suit off. The TV camera zooms in on the boy - triumphantly holding the foul ball aloft. It's Ferris. - He does a little celebration dance. Rooney wads up the - napkin and tosses it in a trashbin. The TV camera returns to - the game. Rooney glances at the screen. - - ROONEY - What's the score? - - HOT DOG MAN - Zero to zero. - - ROONEY - Who's winning? - - HOT DOG MAN - Cubs. - - Rooney nods and exits. - -134 EXT. WRIGLEY FIELD. STANDS 134 - - Ferris sits down with the baseball. He shakes his stinging - paw. On either side of him are Cameron and Sloane. Cameron's - scarfing nachos. - - FERRIS - I think I broke my thumb. - - SLOANE - Can we leave now? - - FERRIS - You want to leave? We just got here. - - SLOANE - You got a call, you broke your thumb, - what's left to do? - - Cameron offers his nachos to Sloane. She looks at them with - disgust. - - SLOANE - No wonder you're always sick. - - Ferris leans back, puts his hands behind his head and turns - his face to the bright sun. - - FERRIS - Do you realize that if I played by - the rules, right now I'd be in gym? - -135 EXT. HIGH SCHOOL. PLAYING FIELD 135 - - A boy's gym class is doing laps. A blue Fiat pulls into the - shot. - -136 INT. FIAT 136 - - Jeanie's at the wheel. She sneaks a glance at the school. - - JEANIE - I can't believe my brother's making - me put myself in a position where I - could get expelled. Selfish little - moron. - (pause) - Ferris? You're overshadowed - me long enough. I'm gonna get - you, buddy. - - She puts the car in gear and drives out of the shot. - -137 EXT. STATE STREET 137 - - A parade is underway. Floats and politicians. Marching - bands, drum and bugle corps, soldiers, school kids. Figure - skating club in outfits and skates performing their routines - on pavement. It's GERMAN-AMERICAN APPRECIATION DAY. - - EXT. STATE STREET. FLOAT - - Riding atop on a float is Ferris. He's waving to the crowd. - He and half a dozen homely German-American Beauty Queens. - He's leading the girls in singing, "DANKE SHOEN". - - EXT. STATE STREET. SLOANE AND CAMERON - - They're watching Ferris go by. They wave to him. - - SLOANE - I love him. - - CAMERON - It's hard not to. - - Cameron breaks a smile. As worried as he is about the day - and getting caught, he has to admire Ferris for his lack of - inhabitions. Cameron mumbles a few words. - - CAMERON - Stop...water...want... - - SLOANE - Do you believe in reincarnation? - - CAMERON - Huh? - - SLOANE - Do you believe that you lived before? - - CAMERON - Yeah. Sort of. - - SLOANE - DO you ever wonder what you were? - - CAMERON - I don't have to wonder. I know. - - Sloane looks at him with amazement. - - CAMERON - I was a tractor tire. - - EXT. STATE STREET. FLOAT - - Ferris is on his knees, reaching down from the float, - shaking hands with people in the crowd. - - FERRIS - Guten tag, dude! - - EXT. STATE STREET - - Sloane and Cameron continue their conversation. - - CAMERON - What were you in a previous life? - - SLOANE - I'm not sure but I think I know - who Ferris was. - - CAMERON - Hannibal. - - SLOANE - From the A-Team? - - CAMERON - No. The guy who rode the elephants - into Switzerland. - - Sloane laughs at herself. They step out of the crowd and - head down the street in the direction the parade's heading. - - SLOANE - I think if he was anybody, he - was Magellan. You know, the guy - who went around the world. - - Cameron nods. - - SLOANE - I could see him ignoring popular - belief and taking off on some - impossible mission. - - CAMERON - Yeah. As long as I've known him, - everything works for him. There's - nothing he can't handle. I can't - handle anything. School, parents, - the future. Ferris can do anything. - - EXT. STATE STREET. FLOAT - - Ferris is playing "TWIST AND SHOUT" on the accordian. The - girls on the float are singing. - - FERRIS - WELL, SHAKE IT UP, BABY, NOW! - - GIRLS - SHAKE IT UP, BABY - - FERRIS - TWIST AND SHOUT! - - GIRLS - TWIST AND SHOUT! - - FERRIS - COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, BABY ON! - COME ON AND WORK IT ON OUT! - - GIRLS - WORK IT ON OUT! - - EXT. STREET. SLOANE AND CAMERON - - They continue their conversation. - - SLOANE - The future's worse for a boy, isn't - it? - - Cameron doesn't understand what she means. - - SLOANE - A girl can always bail out and - have a baby and get some guy - to support her. - - CAMERON - That's a pretty grim thought. - - SLOANE - True, but it's an option. No options - is worse. - - CAMERON - I don't know what I'm gonna do. - - SLOANE - College. - - CAMERON - Yeah, but to do what? - - SLOANE - What are you interested in? - - CAMERON - Nothing. - - SLOANE - Me either. - - They walk on for a few beats. We HEAR "TWIST AND SHOUT" - GROWING LOUDER AND LOUDER. The sons is taking over all the - other tunes in the band. It's infecting the entire parade. - - CAMERON - What do you think Ferris is gonna - do? - - EXT. STATE STREET. MARCHING BAND - - They're playing TWIST AND SHOUT. - - EXT. STREET. MOUNTED POLICE OFFICER - - He's singing. - - POLICE OFFICER - YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO GOOD! - - EXT. STREET. PUNKS - - A band of PUNKS are dancing on the roof of a news kiosk. - - PUNKS - LOOK SO GOOD! - - EXT. STREET MOTHER AND HER CHILDREN - - A WOMAN and her two TODDLERS sing along. - - WOMAN - YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO FINE! - - TODDLERS - LOOK SO FINE! - - EXT. STREET. BLACK TEENAGER - - He's wearing a shower cap and a maroon overcoat. - - TEENAGER - COME ON AND TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! - - EXT. STREET. OLD NEWSPAPER SELLER - - He singing along. - - NEWSPAPER SELLER - TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! - - EXT. STREET. CHOIR GROUP - - They're marching down the parade. They're singing in their - angleic voices. - - CHOIR - AND LET ME KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! - - EXT. STREET. STREET CLEANERS - - With their brooms ready... - - STREET CLEANERS - KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! - - EXT. STREET. DECK - - The entire parade is singing and playing "TWIST AND SHOUT". - - EXT. STREET. VIEWING STAND - - The POLITICIANS and their WIVES stand up. - - POLITICIANS AND WIVES - AH! - - EXT. STREET. VIEWING STAND - - The CLERGYMEN stand. - - CLERGYMEN - AH! - - EXT. STREET. VETERANS - - Marching in formation and in WWII uniforms. - - VETERANS - AH! - - EXT. STREET. FLOAT - - Ferris leads the Beauty Queens in the rousing finale. - - FERRIS - AH! - - EXT. STREET. WIDE AND HIGH - - The entire parade is at frenzy pitch. - - PARADE - AHHHHH! - - The SOUND OF THE VOICES blends with the SOUND OF A RED-LINED - HIGH PERFORMANCE ENGINE. - -138 EXT. CALUMET CITY 138 - - The Port of Chicago. Grim, gritty waterfront. Suddenly, - Cameron's father's car flies OVER CAMERA. Like the opening - shot in Star Wars. The Starship Ferrari. SLO-MO. - - CU. FERRARI UNDER-CARRIAGE - - It travels past to reveal a beautiful blue sky. SLO-MO. - - CU. PARKING ATTENDANT - - His eyes are wide with exhilaration. Mouth open, tongue out. - Maniac at the wheel. SLO-MO. - - CU. RASTAMAN - - His eyes are closed. Big smile. SLO-MO, - - EXT. STREETS. KIDS - - They're looking up in the air, following the car as it flies - over them. Broad, excited smiles. The car's shadow passes - over them. SLO-MO. - -139 CU. CAR GRILLE 139 - - It fills the frame and stops. We MOVE UP to reveal Rooney - behind the wheel of his car. - - EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE - - Rooney gets out of his car. He looks at the house, looks up - and down the street, then crosses to Ferris' house. - -140 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 140 - - Rooney's at the front door. We see him peek in a window at - the top of the door. The doorbell rings. - -141 INT. HOUSE. FERRIS' ROOM. COMPUTER 141 - - It acknowledges the doorbell. - - CU. CASSETTE PLAYER - - It clicks on. - -142 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT PORCH 142 - - The house intercom activates. We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE. - - FERRIS - Who is it? - - Rooney presses the intercom. - - ROONEY - This is Ed Rooney, Ferris. I'd - like to have a word with you. - - FERRIS' VOICE - I'm sorry I can't come to the door - right now. I'm very ill and I'm - afraid that in my weakened condition, - I could take a nasty spill down the - stairs and subject myself to further - school absenses. - - There's a pause. Rooney presses the intercom again. - - ROONEY - B.S. Come down here. - - FERRIS' VOICE - You can reach my parents at their - places of business. Thank you for - stopping by. I appreciate your concern - for my well-being. It will be remembered - long after this illness has past. - - His voice clicks off. Rooney presses the intercom again. - - ROONEY - I'm not leaving until you come - down and talk to me. - - FERRIS' VOICE - Have a nice day. - - Rooney presses the intercom. - - ROONEY - I'm not leaving, Ferris. - - There's no response. Rooney rings the doorbell again. The - pre-recorded litany starts over. - - FERRIS' VOICE - Who is it? - - Rooney doesn't realize that he's listening to a recording. - - ROONEY - Don't get smart with me Ferris! - - FERRIS' VOICE - I'm sorry I can't come to the door - right now. I'm very ill and I'm - afraid that in my weakened condition... - - Rooney leans back from the door. He can't quite figure out - what's going on. But's it's highly suspicious. - -143 INT. HOUSE. LIVING ROOM 143 - - Rooney steps through the hedges and peeks in the windows. We - HEAR FERRIS' VOICE inside. - - FERRIS' VOICE - You may reach my parents at their - places of business. - -144 INT. HOUSE. KITCHEN 144 - - Rooney tries to peak in the kitchen window. - - FERRIS' VOICE - I appreciate your conern for my - well-being. It will be remembered - long after... - -145 EXT. HOUSE. BACKDOOR 145 - - A black rubber doggie door. The type that allows a dog to - come and go as it pleases. Rooney is crouched down. He lifts - the doggie door and peeks in the house. - - HIS POV - - Along the kitchen floor. Through the kitchen, into the - dining room. We hear a LARGE DOG GROWL. - - CU. ROONEY - - He's peaking through the door. He hears the dog. His face - freezes. - - FERRIS - Have a nice day. - - EXT. HOUSE. DOGGIE DOOR - - A Rottweiler bursts through the doggie door in a fury of - gnashing teeth and foam. - -146 CU. LARGE BREASTS 146 - - Tassled pasties twirl like airplane propellers. - - CU. CAMERON, FERRIS AND SLOANE - - They're sitting in a booth in the garish, nearly deserted - strip joint. Cameron's mouth is open in amazement. Sloane is - embarrassed and revolted. - - CAMERON - How does she do that? One goes - one way, one goes the other. - - FERRIS - She's probably schizophrenic. - - SLOANE - Ferris, this is nauseating me. - Really. I'm losing respect for - you by the bucket. - - FERRIS - You don't think it's amazing that - we got in? - - SLOANE - Who wants to get in? - - FERRIS - Cameron looks like a toddler, for - Christ's sake. I'm talking about - a major achievement in false - identification. - - SLOANE - I'm not interested in watching - someone jiggle their mammary glands. - - FERRIS - Point well taken. But consider why - she does it. Why she does it and - you don't. - - SLOANE - I'm not a tramp. - - FERRIS - Maybe her life fell apart. Maybe she - lost somebody. A lover. A boyfriend. - A parent. A child... - (to CAMERA) - This kind of thing makes me a little - depressed. You may think because I'm - the age I am that I'm a sex maniac. - That sex is all I think about. - But that's not true. I'm a romantic. - I think alot of people my age are. - We think about love and matters of - the heart. And SAT scores and acne - aside, we worry about lonliness. It's - a terrible thing. And we feel it. I - feel it. - - He flips his collar up, curls his lip and affects an Elvis - impression. A sappy, do-wop track FADES UP. The club lights - go down. Cameron and Sloane disappear into darkness. Ferris - stands up from the booth. He strolls slowly through the - empty club as the stripper bumps and grinds in a pool of - blue light. - - FERRIS - You know, someone said the world's a - stage and each must play a part. - Fate had me playing in love, with you - as my sweetheart. Act one was when we - met. I loved you at first glance. You - read your lines so cleverly and never - missed a cue. Then came act two. You - seemed to change. You acted strange. - And why, I've never known. - - He climbs up on the little runway. The stripper disappears - in darkness as Ferris takes over the spotlight. - - FERRIS - Honey, you lies when you said you - loved me and I had no cause to - doubt you. But I'd rather go on - hearing your lies than to go on - living without you. Now, the stage - is bare and I'm standing there with - emptiness all around and if you won't - come back to me, then they can bring - the curtain down... - - Elvis fades up. The orignal recording. Ferris lip synchs - with the big, dramatic florish that was the King's trademark - ballad sign-off. - - ELVIS - IS YOUR HEART FILLED WITH PAIN? - SHALL I COME BACK AGAIN? - TELL ME DEAR, ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT? - - Ferris drops his head. Like the King would. - -147 EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET. CAMERON'S CAR 147 - - Cameron's father is looking at the car. He's studying it. It - looks terribly familiar. He leans into the open car and - reaches for the glovebox to see if the contents will confirm - if it's his. He freezes. He looks up slowly. - - HIS POV - - The Attendant and the Rastaman are glowering at him. They're - holding bags of fried chicken. - - ATTENDANT - You looking for something in my - car? - - CU. CAMERON'S FATHER - - He shakes his head, no. - - CAMERON'S FATHER - No. - -148 EXT. FERRIS' TOWN. JEANIE 148 - - Jeanie's standing at her car. She's staring incredulously - into the distance. Her mouth's open. She's shaking her head - slowly. - - HER POV - - Spray-painted on the town water tower in gigantic black - letters -- SAVE FERRIS BUELLER. - - CU. JEANIE - - She's furious. - - JEANIE - I'm gonna microwave his nuts... - -149 EXT. MICHIGAN AVENUE 149 - - Afternoon traffic. - -150 INT. TAXI CAB 150 - - Ferris, Sloane and Cameron in the backseat of a checker. - Ferris is on one window, Cameron on the other. Sloane's in - the middle. Ferris is talking to the DRIVER. - - FERRIS - So... - - He leans forward and reads the driver's name off the city - license. - - FERRIS - So, Yuri, how long have you been - in America? - - DRIVER - One year. - - FERRIS - What's your overall impression? - - DRIVER - It's very good here. - - FERRIS - Better than Russia? - - DRIVER - Much better here than in Russia. - - FERRIS - Clearly you've never been to an - American high school. - - Ferris sits back. He puts his arm around Sloane. - - CAMERON - It's getting late, Ferris. I have - to get the car home. I know you - don't care, but it means my ass. - - FERRIS - You think I don't care? - - CAMERON - I know you don't care. - - FERRIS - That hurts, Cameron. - - SLOANE - Jump back, Ferris, Cameron's been - a good sport. - - FERRIS - Cameron, what'd you see today? - - Cameron looks at him. - - FERRIS - You saw four states, a submarine, - a giant heart, seventy five dollars - worth of cooked pancreas, two of the - most incredible breasts ever to come - out of modern plastics, major - league baseball and... - (quizical look) - Are you gonna chuck your nachos? - - Cameron's staring past Ferris. He's frozen. Ferris realizes - he's looking at something out the window. He turns. He - freezes. - - HIS POV - - In the gridlock traffic, their cab is squeezed tight - alongside another cab. In that cab is Tom. He's about a foot - from Ferris. He turns and looks right into CAMERA. - - TOM'S POV - - Ferris' frozen face. - - FERRIS' POV - - Tom glances back at his paper. He pauses. Looks up. Thinks. - Turns back to CAMERA. - - TOM'S POV - - Sloane is sitting where Ferris was. She's wearing - sunglasses, looking bored. She turns and glances out the - window. Fakes a yawn. - - HER POV - - Tom stares at her. He's baffled. He looks away. - - INT. CAB. FLOOR. - - Cameron and Ferris are on the floor. On their asses, with - their backs to the back of the front seat, feet up on the - seat. - - FERRIS - (to Sloane) - What's he doing? - - SLOANE - (revolted) - He's looking at me and he's licking - the glass and making obscene gestures - with his hands. - - FERRIS - What?! - - Sloane bursts out laughing. - - SLOANE - Roast! - - She licks her finger and touches Ferris knee. She makes a - sizzling sound. She collapes on the seat in hysterics. - - INT. TOM'S CAB - - Tom's looking into Ferris' cab. - - HIS POV - - Sloane's bouncing up and down. - - CU. TOM - - He can't quite figure out what's going on. He turns and - slowly raises his newspaper over his face. We see on the - back of the paper a small story with the headline: COMMUNITY - RALLIES AROUND SICK YOUTH. - -151 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE. BACKYARD. DOG 151 - - The Rottweiler's chewing on a shoe. Tearing it apart. - - EXT. BACKYARD. ROONEY - - He's standing outside the fence. He's missing a shoe. His - suit pants are torn from the crotch to the knee. His suit - coat pocket is torn off. His hair's messed and there're - grass-stains on his knees and elbows. He's looking in at the - dog. - - ROONEY - That's a $28.00 dress shoe, you - worthless mutt! - - HIS POV - - The Rottweiler leaps at CAMERA. - -152 EXT. CITY STREET 152 - - Ferris is leading the way down Michigan Avenue. He's - hustling through the crowd. He has Sloane by the hand. She's - jogging to keep up. Cameron's a few steps behind. He keeps - bumping into people. Ferris and Sloane make the turn at - Wacker Driver and disappear into the Stone Container - Building. Cameron follows, mumbling again. - - CAMERON - Money...tits...please... - -153 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT 153 - - A florist truck pulls up in front of the house. A DELIVERY - MAN gets out iwth a huge floral arrangement. He heads up to - the house. - -154 EXT. HOUSE. PORCH 154 - - Rooney's sitting on the porch patting a bloody knee with his - handkerchief. The delivery man hops up on the steps. Rooney - looks up at him. He greets Rooney cheerily. - - DELIVERY MAN - Howdy! - - He presses the doorbell. A beat and we hear Ferris' - recording. - - FERRIS' VOICE - Who is it? - - The Deliver Man presses the intercom. - - DELIVERY MAN - Focus on Flowers. I have a delivery. - - FERRIS' VOICE - I'm sorry but I can't come to the - door right now. I'm very ill and I'm - afraid... - - ROONEY FERRIS' VOICE - It's a recording, asshole. ...that in my weakened - condition, I could take a - DELIVERY MAN nasty spill and subject - What's your problem? myself to further school - absenses... - ROONEY (pause) - He's one of my students. You can reach my parents - at their places of - DELIVERY MAN business. Thank you for - Little bugger's dying. stopping by. I appreciate - your concern for my well- - ROONEY being. It will be - What? remembered long after - this illness has passed. - - DELIVERY MAN - As I heard it from our mailman - he was supposedly born with only - half a kidney. - - FERRIS' VOICE - Have a nice day. - - DELIVERY MAN - (to the intercom) - Thank you. - (continues) - I don't know the details. But my - boss had to send to Milwaukee to - get more orchids. He's very - popular. - - Rooney is flabbergasted. - - DELIVERY MAN - Nobody's home here? - - ROONEY - No. - - DELIVERY MAN - You gonna be around for awhile? - - ROONEY - I imagine so. - - DELIVERY MAN - You wanna keep an eye on these? - - Rooney looks at the flowers. Then he looks at the Delivery - Man. - - DELIVERY MAN - (happy sigh) - It really touches me that so many people - are rallying behind this guy. I guess - there's hope for the human race afterall. - - He hands the arrangement to Rooney. - - DELIVERY MAN - Gotta run. - - He bounds off the porch and trots to the truck. Rooney looks - incredulously at the arrangement. He opens the attached - card. - - ROONEY - (defeated) - Oh, Christ... - - CU. CARD - - It's signed: - - ALL OUR BEST FOR A SPEEDY RECOVERY - THE ENGLISH DEPT. FACULTY AND STAFF - -155 INT. RADIO STATION STUDIO 155 - - The number one afternoon FM rock'n roll D.J. is sitting - behind his microphone. - - D.J. - I don't know who that was or - what they were playing but I - apologize for it nonetheless. - (pause) - I have a guest with me today... - -156 INT. STUDIO. FERRIS 156 - - He put his headphones on. - -157 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 157 - - Jeanie's car pull in the driveway. We hear her car radio. - - D.J. - His name is Ferris Mueller. - - FERRIS - Bueller. Ferris Bueller. - - INT. CAR. JEANIE - - She goes into shock. Her eyes blink, her head cocks. - - D.J. - Sorry about that. - - FERRIS - It's cool. - - Jeanie draws back and punches out her radio. - - CU. CAR ANTENNA - - The impact of her blow to the radio shoots the antenna in - the air. - -158 INT. STUDIO 158 - - Ferris leans forward and adjusts the microphone. - - D.J. - He has an incredible story. - - Ferris turns to CAMERA. - - FERRIS - I'm going to tell a massive lie here. - It's going to by very thick and very - steamy. I think radio's a facinating - medium, it challenges the imagination. - Unlike television which provides the - images, radio... - (pause) - You know this. Anyway, it's always been - a dream of mine to be on the radio. - I have what I consider to be an excellent - broadcast voice. I practise it in the - bathroom all the time. I used to play - records and do introductions to them. - But I've never had the chance to sit - behind a microphone and try it out - for real. This is a 50,000 watt outlet. - I'm going out to several million people - so let me just say, I'm in a very pleasant - groove right now. - (clears his voice, - speaks into the - mike, affects a - "radio" voice) - Well, Steve, you and your listeners are - probably not going to believe this but... - -159 INT. SCHOOL 159 - - A group of kids are sitting around a blaster. - - FERRIS' VOICE - ...I'm the first Chicago area youth - to be selected to participate in - a space shuttle mission. - -160 INT. STUDIO 160 - - Ferris turns from the mike to CAMERA. - - FERRIS - I was going to say I knew Springsteen's - home phone number and I was going - to give out the number of the New - Jersey State Police but I thought I - might get busted. After I got flunked - in driver's ed for sideswiping a mail - box, which was not in any way, shape - or from my fault. I was putting out a - cigarette, like I was told. It was weird. - I'm so used to getting in a car and - lighting up, because I'm not allowed to - smoke at home, that I got in the driver's - ed. car and spaced completely, pulled out - of the lot, lit up a 'boro and Mrs. Heller - looked at me like I'd just pulled a bunny - out of my nose or something and I realized - what the hell I was doing and I went to - put it out and hit the mail box. Anyway, - I was so pissed off at her reaction to - the whole thing that I considered running - an ad in a sleaze magazine for a school - teacher that does phone sex and I was gonna - use Mrs. Heller's home number but is cost - too much. I took it again and passed. But - I had to work at Burger King to get the - cash to pay for the driver's ed. car. The - car got fixed in auto shop for nothing and - I think Rooney pocketed the cash. But I - can't prove it? I'm in high school, remember? - - He turns back to the DJ. - - D.J. - How did you get picked for this. - - FERRIS - It's kind of a long story but I've - been doing alot of programming for - NASA. - -161 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 161 - - A even larger group of kids is listening to the blaster. - They're cheering him on. - -162 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE. BACKYARD 162 - - The Rottweiler is laying unconscious on the lawn. The flower - arrangement is scattered all over the yard and the ceramic - vase the flowers were in has obviously struck the dog. The - broken pieces are all around the dog's head. - - EXT. FERRIS HOUSE. BACKYARD. ROONEY - - He's smiling with great satisfaction. - - ROONEY - Sleep tight, pooch. - - He hears something in the house. His head snaps around. He - drops down and peek in the windows. - - HIS POV - - A glimpse of a fleeting figure. - - CU. ROONEY - - His eyes dance in anticipation of revenge. - -163 INT. HOUSE. FERRIS' ROOM 163 - - Jeanie kicks the door open. The yardstick flings the covers - and the pillows beneath them in the air. She stomps in and - turns off the snoring synthesizer. - - JEANIE - I knew it! - - She grabs the phone and sits down. She dials a number. - -164 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT 164 - - Rooney sneaks around the side of the house. He slinks up on - the porch. The front door's open. He peeks in. - -165 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 165 - - Jeanie's on the phone. - - JEANIE - Is Mrs. Bueller there? Where is she? - This is her daughter. Do you know where - she is? Do you know when she'll be back? - Do you know anything? - - She slams the phone down. - - JEANIE - The worm has luck like clams - have body odor... - - She's startled by a noise downstairs. A smile spreads across - her face. He's back and she's going to nail him. - -166 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 166 - - Rooney sneaks into the house. He looks around the foyer and - heads into the kitchen. - -167 INT. HOUSE. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY 167 - - Jeanie tiptoes down the stairs. - -168 INT. HOUSE. KITCHEN 168 - - Rooney sneaks through the kitchen into the den. - -169 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 169 - - Jeanie comes down the stairs into the foyer. - -170 INT. HOUSE. KITCHEN 170 - - Rooney comes out of the den, back into the kitchen. He - crosses back toward the foyer. - -171 INT. FOYER 171 - - Jeanie sneaks into the kitchen. - -172 INT. KITCHEN 172 - - Jeanie and Rooney come face-to-face. Jeanie squeals in - horror. She doesn't recognize Rooney as himself but as an - intruder. She drops into a karate stance and kicks Rooney in - the face. He hits the deck. She flees back up the stairs. - -173 INT. CAR 173 - - Boyd is sitting in the backseat of Joyce's car listening to - the radio. - - FERRIS' VOICE - My input on the Star Wars defense - plan was pretty substantial so I - guess this is their way of rewarding - me. I'm pretty flattered. - - EXT. CAR - - Joyce and her clients leave a show house and head toward the - car. - - INT. CAR - - Boyd looks out the window as his parents and Joyce appear. - - D.J. VOICE - Can you stay around and take a few - phone calls? - - FERRIS' VOICE - I'd really like to but I have a kidney - operation in about an hour. - - EXT. CAR - - Joyce and her clients take one last look at the house. - - JOYCE - If you're willing to commit a - little time and a little money - to this place, you can really - have something to be proud of. - Don't let the black living room - throw you off. - - She opens the car door. - - INT. CAR - - The door opens. - - D.J. VOICE - I wish you the best of luck. - - FERRIS' VOICE - Thanks, Steve. - - D.J. VOICE - A very interesting guy, Ferris Bueller. - - Joyce gets in. The clients get in the other side. A song - starts. - - JOYCE - (to the kid) - Well, Boyd, how are you bearing - up? - - The kid stares at her. - - JOYCE - Did I tell you I have a son - your age? - - BOYD - Twice. - - JOYCE - His name is Ferris. I think you'd - like him. - - Boyd sits up in the seat at the mention of Ferris' name. - - BOYD - Is he going up in the space shuttle - in September? - - Joyce looks around at Boyd. She gives him a curious look. - - JOYCE - Not that I know of. - - BOYD - I knew he was bullshitting. - - MOTHER - Watch your mouth. - - BOYD - How do you watch your mouth? - - JOYCE - Do you know my son? - - FATHER - Don't pay any attention to him. - He thinks it's cute to bait adults. - - BOYD - I don't think it's cute. I think - it's fun. - - Joyce give him a puzzled smile and starts the car. - -174 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 174 - - Jeanie's on the phone. She's in a panic. - - JEANIE - This is not a phoeny phone call. There's - an intruder, male caucasian, possibly armed, - certainly weird, in our kitchen. - (pause) - My name is Bueller. - - There's another pause. Jeanie's face drops. - - JEANIE - It's real nice that you hope my - brother's feeling better but I'm - in danger, okay? I'm very cute, - I'm very alone and I'm very - protective of my body. I'd rather - not have it violated or killed. - I need help! - -175 INT. KITCHEN 175 - - Rooney's plugging his bloody nose with paper towel. The - intercom goes on. - - JEANIE'S VOICE - Excuse me. If whoever's in the house - is still in the house, I'd like you - to know that I have just called the police. - If you have any brains whatsoever, you'll - get your ass out of my house real quick. - - Rooney stiffens with fear. - - JEANIE'S VOICE - I'd also like to add that I have - my father's gun. And a scorching - case of herpes. - -176 EXT. STREET 176 - - Rooney's car is hooked to a tow truck. It's parked in front - of a fire hydrant and the windshield is decorated with - parking citations. In the distance SIRENS WAIL. - -177 EXT. PARKING LOT 177 - - The three are waiting for the Ferrari. We HEAR TIRES - SQUEALING, AN ENGINE REVING-OUT. Then the Ferrari pulls down - the ramp and jams to a frightening stop. A BLACK GUY jumps - out. Ferris hands him the parking stub. - - FERRIS - Just out of curiosity, what was - your top speed coming down the - ramp? - - BLACK GUY - (matter-of-fact) - About 60. - - FERRIS - Stunning! - - He hands him a buck and opens the door and pulls the - passenger seat forward for Cameron. - - FERRIS - This is probably the last time you'll - have to ride back here. Keep that in - mind. - - Cameron gives him a look and squeezes in. - -178 EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET 178 - - The Ferrari cruises through traffic. - - INT. FERRARI - - Sloane's in the passenger seat. Ferris is driving and - Cameron is crammed in the back. - - SLOANE - What's next. - - CAMERON - Nothing. We return the car. - - SLOANE - We could go to my house. My parents - aren't coming home until late. - - FERRIS - We have enough cash left for a quick - flight to Peoria and back. - - CAMERON - Very funny. - - Ferris looks in the mirror and changes lanes. He glances - down at the speedometer, then to the road. And back to the - speedometer. - - FERRIS - Cameron? How many miles did you - say this thing had when we left? - - CAMERON - One hundred and twenty six and - halfway between three and four - tenths. Why? How many miles are - on it now? - - He glances down at the speedometer. - - CU. SPEEDOMETER - - The odometer reads 432.7. - - FERRIS - (to CAMERA) - Here's where Cameron goes berserk. - - EXT. TRAFFIC - - The Ferrari pulls up at a stop light. We HEAR A THUNDERING, - MUFFLED SCREAM. - - EXT. EXPRESSWAY - - The Ferrari is buzzing through traffic. - - INT. FERRARI - - Sloane turns in her seat and looks at Cameron. Her gesture - is one of genuine support. - - SLOANE - You okay? - - CU. CAMERON - - His eyes are frozen in a mindless, vacant stare. - - CU. FERRIS - - He looks at Sloane. He's concerned. - - FERRIS - Hey, Cameron. It's okay. We'll fix - it. - - CU. CAMERON - - He's still holding the stare. He starts to breathe heavily. - He's trembling. - - CU. SLOANE - - She whips around in the seat and grabs his arms. - - SLOANE - Cameron! Cut it out! What's - wrong?! Ferris! - - CU. FERRIS - - He shoots Sloane a look. - - FERRIS - Cameron, are you okay? It's - no problem, really. Your old - man won't know a thing. It's - completely fixable. - - INT. FERRARI - - Sloane fires an angry look at Ferris. - - SLOANE - Shut-up! It is a problem! For - him it's a problem. Nothing's - a problem for you. But it's - a problem for him! So, just - shut-up. - - She turns back to Cameron. - - SLOANE - What can I do, Cameron? - - CU. FERRIS - - Eyes front. He knows what he's doing. - -179 INT. FERRIS' HOUSE. FOYER 179 - - The doorbell rings. The Ferris' tape is activated. - - FERRIS VOICE - Who is it? - - We hear a MALE VOICE over the intercom. - - VOICE - Anybody home? - - FERRIS' VOICE - I'm sorry that I can't come to - the door right now... - - The tape continues as Jeanie hurtles down the stairs. - - JEANIE - I'm saved! Thank you, God! - Thank you, thank you, thank you! - - She jumps the last few stairs and slides to the front door. - She whips it open. - -180 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT DOOR 180 - - The door swings open. - - JEANIE - Thank...you... - - Her jaw goes slack. She blinks her eyes. - - HER POV - - The Delivery Man and a young ASSISTANT are standing at the - door with floral arrangements. Spread all around them are - more flowers. A sexy singing NURSE and a BALLOON MAN steps - up on the porch. - - NURSE - (sings) - WE HOPE YOU'RE FEELING BETTER - WE HOPE YOU'RE FELLING FIT - WE... - - The door slams shut. - -181 EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET 181 - - Rooney's walking down the street. A school bus is crawling - alongside him as kids hang out the windows. From inside we - hear SHOUTING and seventeen different SONGS PLAYING ON - BLASTERS. A top forty montage. - - KID - Hey, Mr. Rooney! What're you doing? - - Rooney doesn't respond. - - ANOTHER KID - Did you get in a fight? - - Rooney keep walking. The bus doors open. The DRIVER calls - out to him. - - DRIVER - You want a lift? - - Rooney takes a few more steps. He stops. The bus stops. - Rooney takes a deep breath. He climbs aboard the bus. - -182 INT. BUS 182 - - The bus is jammed with WONKS and WEINERETTES. The passengers - are silent as they watch Rooney shuffle down the aisle and - take an empty seat next to a skinny, myopic GIRL. - - CU. GIRL - - She looks at Rooney and smiles. She pushes her Coke bottle - glasses up on her nose. - - CU. ROONEY - - He looks vacantly at her. - - CU. GIRL - - She holds her smile. - - GIRL - I'll bet you never smelled a - real school bus before. - - CU. ROONEY - - He stares at her. - - CU. GIRL - - She holds up a candy package. - - GIRL - Gummi Bear? - - CU. ROONEY - - He stares at her. - - CU. GIRL - - She puts one in her mouth. - - GIRL - They've been in pocket. They're - real soft and warm. - - CU. BOY - - A rotund FRESHMAN BOY sitting across from Rooney is staring - at him. - - CU. ROONEY - - He looks across to the kid. - - CU. BOY - - He leans forward. - - FRESHMAN BOY - It's kind of like being in the - belly of the beast isn't it? - - CU. ROONEY - - He turns him eyes to the front. The bus jerks forward and - pulls away. - -183 EXT. BUS 183 - - It grinds through the gears as it heads down the quiet - street. The BLASTERS go back on, the SHOUTING RESUMES. - -184 EXT. PARK 184 - - Cameron's laying on a picnic table. Sloane's sitting beside - him on the table. She's stroking his hair. Ferris WALKS INTO - THE FOREGROUND. He addresses CAMERA. - - FERRIS - This may very well be for real. I - think Cameron might have blown a - micro-chip or two. He's always been - a little keyed-up. All I wanted to do - was give him a good day. We're - gonna graduate in a couple of months. - Then we have the summer. He'll work - and I'll work. And we'll see each - other at night and on the weekends - but then he'll go to one school and I'll - go to another. And basically that'll - be it. As much as we like each other, - the process of growing up will - separate us. - - He begins to walk. We follow him. - - FERRIS - Sloane's a bigger problem. She still - has another year of high school. How - do I deal with that? I was serious when - I said I'd marry her. I would. This isn't - just teenage infatuation. That's what my - parents call it. What do they call what they - have? If that's love, I'll take infatuation. - - CU. CAMERON - - His eyes are closed. Sloane's stroking his hair. - - FERRIS (VO) - Cameron's never been in love. At - least no one's ever been in love - with him. He's gonna marry the first - girl he lays. And she's gonna treat - him like shit because he's gonna - kiss her ass for giving him what he's - built-up in his mind as the end-all, - be-all of human existance. She won't - respect him because you can't respect - someone who kisses your ass. It just - doesn't work. - - CU. SLOANE - - She's studying Cameron's face. She looks away. - - SLOANE - Ferris? - - CU. FERRIS - - He looks to the picnic table. Then back to CAMERA. - - FERRIS - I'm being tested here. - - He starts back to the picnic table. - - FERRIS - My best friend has flipped-out. - Conventional wisdom would suggest - a visit to the nearest trauma - center. I wouldn't fault anybody - for doing that. My, personally, - I think this calls for something - new, something bold, something wet - and wild. - -185 CU. JACUZZI JET 185 - - UNDERWATER SHOT. A hyrdojet spews a gush of air bubbles. - - CU. BLASTER - - A finger pushes the PLAY button on the cassette. MUSIC COMES - UP. - - CU. BEER CAN LID - - The finger pops a beer. - - CU. OREO PACKAGE - - A painted fingernail pierces the cellophane wrapper. - - INT. JACUZZI - - Ferris and Sloane are in Sloane's parents' Jacuzzi. Their - clothes are tosssed around the deck. Cameron's been placed - in a patio chair at the edge of the Jacuzzi. He's still - catatonic. He's mummbling softly. Ferris is drinking a beer. - Sloane's eating Oreos. - - FERRIS - You feeling any better, Cameron? - - SLOANE - The water's really nice. I wish - you'd come in. - - CU. CAMERON - - Staring into space. - - CAMERON - Surgery...fire...move... - - CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS - - They look at each other. She offers him a cookie. He offers - her his beer. - - FERRIS - Cameron? Do you think this because - of the car or is it a combination - of everything shitty in your life? - - CU. CAMERON - - He doesn't respond. - - CAMERON - Music...kiss...attack... - - CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS - - Sloane sips the beer. - - FERRIS - You just can't deal with anymore - shit? The car took you into the - red zone? Time for a reality check? - - SLOANE - Cameron? I could flip real easy, too. - There's nothing wrong with it. At one - time or another, everybody goes to - the zoo. - - FERRIS - Maybe he was actually sick. Maybe - he wasn't bullshitting himself. - - CU. CAMERON - - No response. - - CAMERON - Gesundheit...God...mercy... - - EXT. BACKYARD - - Ferris and Sloane watch their catatonic friend. - - CU. CAMERON - - He smiles. - - CU. SLOANE - - She leans forward and stares at Cameron. - - CU. FERRIS - - He cocks his head, wondering what Cameron's up to. - - CU. CAMERON - - He keels over forward. - - EXT. BACKYARD - - Cameron falls out of the chair and splashes down, - face-first, into the water. Sloane screams. Ferris leaps for - him. - - UNDERWATER - - Ferris struggles with Cameron's lifeless bulk. - - CU. SLOANE - - She's screaming. Ferris thrashes around in the water. - - UNDERWATER - - Ferris grabs Cameron's collar and rips him out of the water. - - EXT. BACKYARD - - Ferris sits Cameron on the edge of the Jacuzzi. - - FERRIS - CAMERON! - - CU. CAMERON - - His eyes are closed. He's lifeless. - - CU. FERRIS - - His face is a mask of terror. He shakes Cameron. - - CU. SLOANE - - She's screaming. - - CU. CAMERON - - A smile spreads across his face. - - CU. FERRIS - - He sees the smile. He stops shaking Cameron. - - EXT. JACUZZI - - Ferris and Cameron are looking at each other. Sloane's still - screaming. She realizes that Cameron's okay. She stops - screaming. - - SLOANE - What? - - FERRIS - (Cameron) - You asshole! - - Cameron's smiling. - - SLOANE - What? - - Ferris starts to laugh. Cameron explodes with laughter. - Sloane's bewildered. - - SLOANE - What's so funny? - -186 INT. POLICE STATION. WAITING ROOM 186 - - Jeanie's sitting on a wooden bench with a WASTED TEENAGE BOY - in a Triumph t-shirt, long hair, torn jeans, creepers, studs - and chains. He's studying her. - - BOY - Drugs? - - JEANIE - No, thank you. I'm straight. - - BOY - I meant, are you here for drugs? - - Jeanie stares at him. - - JEANIE - Why are you here? - - BOY - Drugs. - - JEANIE - I don't know why I'm here. - - BOY - Then why don't you go home? - - JEANIE - Why don't you put your thumb - up your butt? - - The boy stares at her. - - BOY - You want to talk about your problem? - - JEANIE - With you? Are you serious? - - BOY - Yeah, I'm serious. - - JEANIE - Blow yourself. - - Jeanie turns away. The boy crosses his legs. Jeanie looks - back at him. - - JEANIE - You really want to know what's wrong? - - The boy shrugs. - - JEANIE - Alright. If you've got the time, - I've got the troubles. In a nutshell, - I hate my brother. How's that? - - BOY - That's cool. Did you shoot him or - something? - - JEANIE - No, not yet. - - The boy nods. He understands the emotion. - - JEANIE - I went home to confirm that the - shithead was ditching school and - a guy broke into the house and I - called the cops and they picked me - up for making a phoney phone call. - - BOY - What do you care if your brother - ditches school? - - Jeanie stares at the boy. - - JEANIE - Why should he get to ditch school - when everybody else has to go? - - BOY - You could ditch. - - JEANIE - I'd get caught. - - BOY - So, you're pissed at him because - he ditches and doesn't get caught? - - JEANIE - Basically. - - The boy nods knowingly. - - BOY - Then your problem is you. - - JEANIE - Excuse me? - - BOY - Excuse you. You oughta spend a little - more time dealing with yourself and - a little less time worrying about - what your brother does. It's just - an opinion. - - Jeanie stares angrily at him. Partly because he's so bold - and partly because he's so right. - - BOY - There's somebody you should talk - to. - - Jeanie stares at him threateningly. - - JEANIE - If you say Ferris Bueller, you lose - a testicle. - - BOY - You know him? - - CU. JEANIE'S HAND - - It curls into a fist. - -187 CU. FERRARI TIRE 187 - - It's spinning rapidly. - - CY. ACCELERATOR - - A brick's resting on the accelerator, holding it down. - - INT. CAMERON'S GARAGE - - Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the garage. The - Ferrari is jacked up. The wheels are turning. The engine's - racing. - - CAMERON - The whole time I was just thinking - things over. I was like, meditating. - I was thinking about the future. - And I realized it doesn't make - and difference if the present - goes to shit. - - FERRIS - I have a agree with you there. - - SLOANE - Really. - - CAMERON - I've been thinking all day that if - you could only have the use of one - word, what would it be? - - FERRIS - Sloane is naked before your eyes and - you're thinking about words? - - SLOANE - God bless you, Cameron. - - CAMERON - Thank you, Sloane. - - CAMERON - If you guys only had one word, what - would it be? - - FERRIS - I can't believe you'd think up something - like with a naked girl in a jacuzzi - right in front of you. - - SLOANE - Come on, Ferris, answer his question. - - FERRIS - Bathroom. - - SLOANE - I'd say... - - She thinks. - - FERRIS - Cash. - - CAMERON - It's the only word you could - ever use. - - FERRIS - Hello. - - SLOANE - Love. - - FERRIS - And what is you loathe somebody? - Are you going to say "love" every - time you see them? - - SLOANE - It's better than "hello". - - FERRIS - Hellos' generic. - - SLOANE - You wanna be generic? - - CAMERON - It's help. - - Cameron smiles at his wisdom. Ferris and Sloane think about - it. It's a good choice. Cameron gets up and walks to the - Ferrari. - - CAMERON - The word is help. - - Cameron peeks in the window. - - CU. ODOMETER - - Nothing's happening. - - INT. GARAGE - - Cameron pulls his head out of the car. - - CAMERON - Ferris? It's not working. - - Ferris looks up. - - CAMERON - The miles aren't coming off, running - it in reverse. - - FERRIS - I thought that might be a problem. - Let's crack open the odometer and - roll it back by hand. - - Cameron shakes his head. - - CAMERON - I got a better idea. It's cool. - - He walks back around behind the Ferrari. - - CAMERON - Seventeen years and I've never - taken a stand. Now, I'm gonna - do it. I'm taking a stand against - my father, against my family, - against myself, against my past, - my present and my future. I will - not sit idly by as events that affect - me unfold to change the course of - my life. I will take a stand and I - will defend it. When my father comes - home tonight, he's finally going - to have to deal with me. Good or - bad, I'm taking a stand. - - CU. FERRIS - - He turns to CAMERA. - - FERRIS - This is a big U-2 fan. - - CU. SLOANE - - She smiles proudly at Cameron. She applauds him. - - CU. CAMERON - - He's serious and determined. He has made up his mind and it - appears that it won't be changed by anyone but himself. - - CU. TIRES - - It's spinning wildly. - - CU. MERCEDES BUMPER - - Cameron's foot rests on the bumper. A beat and it gives a - mighty shove. - - CU. TIRE - - The spinning tires slam down on the cement. - - INT. GARAGE - - Cameron has kicked the Ferrari off the jack. It squeals out - of the garage in a cloud of blue tire smoke. A $50,000 - unmanned investment heading backwards down a driveway. - - CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS - - They're in shock. - - EXT. HOUSE - - The Ferrari shoots down the driveway. - - INT. GARAGE - - Cameron watches the car go. He's strangely placcid about the - impending disaster. Ferris and Sloane are bewildered. - - THEIR POV - - The Ferrari travels down the driveway, across the street, - over the curb into the wooded property opposite the house. - - CU. TREE - - The Ferrari's brief journey ends as it smacks a tree trunk. - - INT. GARAGE - - Ferris and Sloane exchange baffled looks. They look at - Cameron. He's proud and bold. - - FERRIS - What was that about? - - SLOANE - This has to be a dream. - - FERRIS - Cameron? One quick question. - Why'd you do that? - - Cameron holds his proud posture for a beat. Then a look of - bewilderment comes over his face. He shoots a look to - Ferris. A puzzled look. - - FERRIS - You trashed the car. - - Cameron looks across the street. - - SLOANE - Why? - - CAMERON - I took a stand. - - FERRIS - No, Cameron. You wrecked a car. - - Cameron thinks for a moment. Then he regains his confidence. - - CAMERON - It's okay. - - Ferris looks across the street at the car. - - FERRIS - I have an idea. If you're interested. - - Cameron looks at him. He shakes his head. - - CAMERON - I'm gonna handle it. - - FERRIS - I think this could work. - - CAMERON - No, thanks. I want to deal with - it by myself. - - SLOANE - What about your one word? - - CAMERON - You already did it. If I need it - again, I'll use it. - - He smiles. He raises am impish eyebrow. - - CAMERON - It's cool. I'm loose. - -188 INT. POLICE STATION. OFFICE 188 - - Joyce is talking with the juvenile officer. Outside the - office, on the bench, we see Jeanie and the boy making out. - - JOYCE - She's never been in trouble before. - This is a shock to me. First, I - don't know why she wasn't at school. - Second, I don't know why she'd call - you with this story about a rapist. - - OFFICER - For whatever reasons she did it, - I think she'd had a good scare. - - JOYCE - I hope so. I appreciate your calling - me. I can assure you that her father - and I will have a long talk with her. - - The gathers her purse and jacket and stands. - - JOYCE - Thank you. - - OFFICER - Oh, by the way, I hope you son's - feeling better. - - Joyce looks at the officer curiously. - - OFFICER - Tell him, all the guys at the - station here are pulling for - him. - -189 INT. POLICE STATION. WAITING ROOM 189 - - Jeanie quickly breaks the embrace with the boy as Joyce - steps out of the juvenile officer's room. She's still a - little bewildered that everybody knows Ferris was ill. - Jeanie wipes her lips and sits up straight. The boy adjusts - his pants to better hide his passion. - - JEANIE - (to the boy) - If you keep this to yourself, I - think we can probably get it on - pretty good. - - BOY - For sure. - - Jeanie stands up. - - JEANIE - Hi. - - JOYCE - Don't "hi" me, young lady. Get - your stuff. - - Jeanie reaches down for her purse. - - BOY - What's your name? - - JEANIE - Jean. What's yours? - - BOY - Garth Volbeck. - -190 EXT. SLOANE'S BACKYARD 190 - - Sloane and Ferris are standing at the back fence. - - SLOANE - I had a great time today. - - FERRIS - Yeah. It was pretty cool. - - SLOANE - You think Cameron's gonna be - alright? - - FERRIS - Sure. He had to so it, I guess. - His old man had it coming. He'll - be okay. I'd be worried if he'd - taken my idea. - - Sloane smiles knowingly. - - SLOANE - You didn't have an idea, did you? - - FERRIS - Not a glimmer. - - SLOANE - You're so smart. - - FERRIS - No. I'm just real loose. - - He kisses her. - - FERRIS - I'll call you tonight. - - Sloane nods. Ferris jumps the fence and takes off across the - backyards. Sloane watches him go. A huge smile spreads - across her face. - - SLOANE - I LOVE YOU! - - She backs away from the fence. MUSIC FADES UP. - - SLOANE - He's gonna marry me. I know it. - - She turns and runs into the house. - -191 EXT. BACKYARD 191 - - Ferris sprints across a backyard. He jumps a plaster elf. - -192 EXT. ANOTHER BACKYARD 192 - - Ferris vaults a fence. He runs directly for a swimming pool. - He's approaching it from the side. He leaps, hits the diving - board, springs off, does a flip and lands on the grass on - the other side of the pool. - -193 CU. BEDSPREAD 193 - - Neatly bundles stacks of bills and rolled coins. A - significant amount of cash. - - CU. SLOANE - - She's writing. - - CU. PIECE OF PAPER - - We see a portion of the typewritten letter as she signs it. - - "...in the amount of $1,765.33. It - gives us great pleasure to assist - you in performance of your worthy - and much needed survives to those - so desperately in need. - - Sincerely, - - Sloane Peterson - Executive Director - The Ferris Bueller Foundation" - -194 EXT. FERRIS' STREET 194 - - He's running down the middle of the street. A car honks. - Ferris moves to the side. The car pulls around him. - - INT. CAR. - - Tom's at the wheel. He glances in the mirror. He does a - take. - - HIS POV. MIRROR - - We see Ferris cut across a front lawn and into a house. - - CU. TOM - - He realizes it couldn't be Ferris. - -195 INT. HOUSE 195 - - Ferris runs through the kitchen, past a WOMAN, fixing dinner - and out her backdoor. The Woman looks up curiously. - -196 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 196 - - Tom pulls in the driveway. He parks and gets out. Joyce - pulls in from the other direction. - -197 EXT. HOUSE. BACK PORCH 197 - - Ferris tries the door. It's locked. He reaches down and - lifts the doormat. - - CU. PORCH - - The outline of a key in the dirt under the mat. The key's - gone. The toe of a chewed-up dress shoe steps INTO FRAME. An - OMNIOUS CHORD IS STRUCK. - - CU. FERRIS - - He stares up in horror. - - HIS POV - - Rooney's looking down at him. He's holding the house key. - - EXT. PORCH - - Ferris stands up. He smiles. - - ROONEY - Looking for this? - - FERRIS - Yes. - - ROONEY - I got you, Ferris. This time I finally - got you. - - Ferris is caught. There's no way out. Rooney gloats - severely. - - ROONEY - How does another year of high - school sit with you? - - Suddenly, the backdoor opens. Jeanie looks out. She feigns - joy and relief. She rushes Ferris and hugs him. - - JEANIE - Thank God, you're alright! We've - been worried sick! - - CU. FERRIS - - A moment of curiosity. Then it dawns on him what's - happening. He smiles. - - CU. ROONEY - - His eyes dart from Ferris to Jeanie to Ferris. His victory - is evaporating. - - EXT. PORCH - - Jeanie breaks the embrace. - - JEANIE - (to Rooney) - Thank you for bringing him home, - Mr. Rooney. - (to Ferris) - You better get up in bed tight - now. - - Ferris limps into the house. - - JEANIE - Can you imagine someone as sick as - Ferris trying to walk home from the - hospital? - (shakes her head) - Kids! - - CU. ROONEY - - He's dumbfounded. - - CU. JEANIE - - She raises her hands and strikes a karate pose. A huge smile - passes over her face. - - CU. ROONEY - - A look of terror as he realizes that is was Jeanie who - kicked him and that Jeanie knows it was he who she kicked. - - EXT. PORCH - - Jeanie steps into the house. - -198 INT. HOUSE 198 - - The door closes on Rooney's defeated, lost, dejected, - bewildered face. Not only has he lost Ferris again, he has - Jeanie to deal with next year. - -199 EXT. YARD. CU. DOG 199 - - The click of the door wakes him up. His head pops up off the - grass. - - CU. ROONEY - - He senses new danger. We hear AN O.C. GROWL. Rooney squeezes - his eyes shut. - -200 INT. KITCHEN 200 - - Kimberly and Todd are sitting at the kitchen table watching - TV and eating cereal. They look up at Ferris as he comes in - from outside. - - TODD - Ferris? Does my head look like - it's getting bigger? - - Ferris leans against the counter as he tries to catch his - breath. He looks at his little brother. - - FERRIS - No, but Kimberly's is. - - He crosses to the refrigerator and opens it. Kimberly feels - her head. - - KIMBERLY - (to Todd) - Is he serious? - - TODD - I think so. - - KIMBERLY - Oh, shit! - - Ferris takes out a bottle of orange juice out of the - refrigerator and drinks straight from the bottle. Jeanie - comes in. - - FERRIS - Thanks, Jeanie. - - JEANIE - No problem. - - FERRIS - By the way, I borrowed some cash - from you. I'll pay you back. - - JEANIE - You don't have to. - - FERRIS - I want to. - - JEANIE - You don't have to. I've been ripping - off your wallet for years. - - Ferris gives her a proud smile. - -201 EXT. HOUSE 201 - - Joyce and Tom head up to the kitchen. - -202 INT. KITCHEN 202 - - Ferris and Jeanie exit the kitchen as Joyce and Tom enter. - - JOYCE - (to Todd and Kimberly) - Hi, guys. - - KIMBERLY - Is my head swelling up? - -203 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 203 - - The foyer is jammed with floral arrangements, plants and - gifts. Ferris and Jeanie step gingerly through the flowers - and head upstairs. - - JEANIE - I'm sorry I've been riding your - buns for so long. - - FERRIS - It's completely cool. - - JOYCE (OC) - Ferris! - - Ferris continues up the stairs. He affects a sickly voice. - - FERRIS - Upstairs, Mom! - -204 INT. SECOND FLOOR LANDING 204 - - Ferris and Jeanie stop. - - JEANIE - Do you know a guy named Garth - Volbeck? - - FERRIS - Vaguely. - - JEANIE - Is he cool? - - FERRIS - He's cool. But stay away from his - brother. - - Ferris walks into the room, brushes the crumbs off his hands - and peels off his shirt. He climbs into bed. No sooner are - the covers over him than the bedroom door opens and Joyce - and Tom walk in. They walk over to the bed. Joyce sits down. - - JOYCE - Honey? - - CU. FERRIS - - The same deathly face he had in the morning. Tongue out, - eyes bulging. - - TOM (OC) - Ferris? How do you feel? - - He pulls in his tongue to speak. - - FERRIS - (deathly gasp) - 150% better, thank you. - -205 INT. BEDROOM 205 - - Tom and Joyce hover over him with deep concern. - - FERRIS - I'm much better, really. Please, - don't make me stay home again. I - want to go to school. I'm graduating - in June and I... - - TOM - Ferris. You're sick. There's no point - pushing yourself and making it worse. - - FERRIS - Maybe you're right, Dad. - - TOM - I know I'm right. - - Joyce leans over and kisses him forehead. - - JOYCE - How did you get so sweet? - - FERRIS - Years of practice. - - Tom pats Ferris on the rump. He and Joyce exit. - - CU. FERRIS - - The hideous face. A beat and we HEAR THE BEDROOM DOOR CLOSE. - Ferris looks at CAMERA. - - FERRIS - (happy sigh) - Yeah, life is a carousel. A - great big crazy ball of pure - living, breathing joy and delight. - - He rolls over on his back and puts his hands behind his - head. - - FERRIS - You gotta get one. - - He smiles. - - MUSIC UP BIG - - END TITLES - - THE END -`).then(e => console.log(`Código finalizado, ${e} mensagens enviadas`)).catch(console.error) From 6da613736adf0b46e188910d6f16df18a9096048 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: peixotmarc <48831018+peixotmarc@users.noreply.github.com> Date: Fri, 20 Oct 2023 14:04:56 +0100 Subject: [PATCH 3/9] Create FerrisBuellerDayOff.js --- FerrisBuellerDayOff.js | 6887 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 1 file changed, 6887 insertions(+) create mode 100644 FerrisBuellerDayOff.js diff --git a/FerrisBuellerDayOff.js b/FerrisBuellerDayOff.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c7656b0 --- /dev/null +++ b/FerrisBuellerDayOff.js @@ -0,0 +1,6887 @@ +async function enviarScript(scriptText){ + const lines = scriptText.split(/[\n\t]+/).map(line => line.trim()).filter(line => line); + main = document.querySelector("#main"), + textarea = main.querySelector(`div[contenteditable="true"]`) + + if(!textarea) throw new Error("Não há uma conversa aberta") + + for(const line of lines){ + console.log(line) + + textarea.focus(); + document.execCommand('insertText', false, line); + textarea.dispatchEvent(new Event('change', {bubbles: true})); + + setTimeout(() => { + (main.querySelector(`[data-testid="send"]`) || main.querySelector(`[data-icon="send"]`)).click(); + }, 100); + + if(lines.indexOf(line) !== lines.length - 1) await new Promise(resolve => setTimeout(resolve, 250)); + } + + return lines.length; +} + +enviarScript(` + "FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF" + + by + + John Hughes + + SHOOTING SCRIPT + July 24, 1985 + + + "FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF" + + 1 BLACK SCREEN 1 + + MAIN TITLES + + IT'S SILENT. A BEAT...AND AN EXPLOSION OF SOUND. A HOUSEHOLD + IN THE MORNING. KIDS GETTING READY FOR SCHOOL. CLOCK RADIOS. + KITCHEN APPLIANCES. SHOWERS. FIGHTING. PEOPLE YELLING. DOG + BARKING. APPLIANCES BUZZING. CAR HORNS. IT SOUNDS JUST LIKE + YOUR HOUSE DID. STREAMS OF ROCK'N ROLL FADE IN AND OUT. HUEY + LEWIS TO LIONEL RITCHIE TO HUSKER DU. SURROUND MAKES IT FEEL + LIKE YOU'RE IN THE ROOM. AN AURAL TOUR OF A HOUSE ON A + SCHOOL MORNING. BEGINING IN THE KITCHEN AND MOVING UPSTAIRS. + + FATHER'S VOICE (TOM) + Where's my wallet?! + + SEVEN YEAR OLD BOY (TODD) + YOU IDIOT!! + + TWELVE YEAR OLD GIRL (KIMBERLY) + MOM! + + TODD + SHUT-UP! + + EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL (JEANIE) + I NEED A TOWEL!! + + TOM + JOYCE! + + KIMBERLY + (whispers, sadistic) + When you turn ten, your head's going + to swell up real big like a watermelon + and we're going to have to put you + to sleep like they do with a dog. + + TODD + MOM! + + TOM + JOYCE!! + + JEANIE + WHO PISSED ON THE TOILET SEAT!? MOTHER!! + + TOM + Where's Mom? + + TODD + Is my head going to swell up? + + TOM + What?! + + JEANIE + OH, MY GOD! THE TOILET PAPER'S ALL WET!!! + + MOTHER (JOYCE) + (screams) + TOM! + + The house falls dead SILENT. We hear footsteps thundering + through the house. A TENSE STRAIN OF MUSIC FADES UP. + + TODD + What's that? + + KIMBERLY + Wait! Hold still! + + TODD + What?! + + KIMBERLY + You heads starting to swell up!! + + Todd screams. We hear the sound of Tom's footsteps running + through the kitchen, down the hall, up the stairs, up the + hallway. A door open. + + TOM + (breathless) + What's the matter? + + JOYCE + (worried) + It's Ferris! + + TOM + What's wrong? + + JOYCE + (snaps) + What's wrong? For Christ's sake! + Look at him! + + 2 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS 2 + + An eighteen year-old boy. He's staring lifelessly at CAMERA. + His mouth's open. His eyes are bugged-out. His tongue is fat + and dry in his mouth. He's laying in bed, on his side. + + 3 INT. BOY'S BEDROOM 3 + + Ferris' parents, TOM and JOYCE BUELLER are standing at + bedside. They're in their late forties, early fifties. + Handsome, upper-middle class parents. They're both dressed + for work. + + TOM + Ferris? + + JOYCE + He doesn't have a fever. But he says + his stomach hurts and he's seeing spots. + + 4 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS 4 + + His lifeless eyes blink. + + 5 INT. BEDROOM. PARENTS 5 + + Tom bends down and touches Ferris' forehead. + + TOM + What's the matter, Ferris? + + JOYCE + Feel his hands. They're cold and clammy. + + Tom takes one of Ferris' hands. + + TOM + (discreetly) + Should you call the doctor? + + JOYCE + (whispers) + He doesn't want me to. + + TOM + Why don't you want Mom to call + the doctor? + + Ferris exhales loudly. He tries to speak but all he can + manage is a choked gasp. + + TOM + What? + + Ferris tries again. + + FERRIS + (raspy) + Don't make a fuss. I'm fine. I'll get up. + + He starts to get up. Joyce gently pushes him back down. + + FERRIS + I have a test today. I have to take it. + I want to get into a good college + so I can have a fruitful life... + + JOYCE + You're not going to school like + this. + (to Tom) + Maybe I should call the office and + tell them I won't be in. + + FERRIS + I'm okay, Mom. I feel perfectly...Oh, God! + + He's gripped by a seizure. His body stiffens and he chokes. + His older sister, JEANIE, walks into the room. She's dressed + for school. She's cute and stuck-up. A major pill. + + JEAN + Oh, fine. What's this? What's his problem? + + JOYCE + He doesn't feel well. + + JEAN + Yeah, right. Dry that one out + and you can fertilize the lawn. + + TOM + That's enough, Jeanie. + + JEANIE + You're not falling for this, are you? + Tell me you're not falling for this. + + FERRIS + Is that Jeanie? I can't see that + far. Jeanie? + + JEANIE + Pucker up and squat, Ferris. + + JOYCE + (annoyed) + Thank you, Jeanie. Get to school. + + JEANIE + (angry, defeated) + You're really letting him stay home? + I can't believe this. If I was bleeding + out my eyes, you guys'd make me go to + school. It's so unfair. + + FERRIS + Please don't be upset with me, Jeanie. + Be thankful that you're fit and have + your health. Cherish it. + + JEANIE + (to herself) + Oh, I wanna puke. + + She glares at Ferris. Her eyes are mascara and vengence. She + slips out of the room. Ferris' brother, TODD and sister, + KIMBERLY peek into the room. + + KIMBERLY + Myocardial infarction? + + JOYCE + Get your stuff. Daddy'll be right + down. + + KIMBERLY + Syphilitic meningitus? That would be + a huge family embarrassment. + + TOM + Get downstairs! + + KIMBERLY + If he dies, I got dibs on his stereo. + + She turns sharply and exits. + + TODD + (worried) + Dad? Does my head look alright? + + JOYCE + Get downstairs! Now! + + TODD + Just answer me one question! Is it + swelling up? Kim said it was going + to get as big as... + + KIMBERLY (OC) + A WATERMELON! + + TODD + (yells out the room) + Shut-up! + + JOYCE + Get downstairs! NOW! + + Todd backs out of the room. + + FERRIS + I'll be okay. I'll just sleep. + Maybe I'll have an aspirin around + noon. + + JOYCE + (to Ferris) + I'm showing houses to the family + from California today but I'll be in + the area. My office'll know where + I am, if you need me. + + TOM + I'll check it with you, too. + + FERRIS + It's nice to know I have such + loving, caring parents. You're + both very special people. + + 6 CU. FERRIS 6 + + He acknowledges Tom with a pathetic flutter of his eyelids. + + 7 INT. BEDROOM. JOYCE 7 + + She strokes Ferris' hair. + + JOYCE + I hope you feel better, pumpkin. + + She leans down and kisses his forehead. Tom pats his + shoulder. + + TOM + Get some rest. + + 8 CU. FERRIS 8 + + Ferris lets out a wheeze. His glassy eyes follow his parents + to the door. + + JOYCE (OC) + We love you, sweetie. + + TOM (OC) + Call if you need us. + + They close the door. The lock clicks. Ferris' eyes shift + from the door to CAMERA. A sly, little smile crawls across + his lips. + + FERRIS + They bought it. + + The MTV theme music ROARS IN. + + 9 CU. TV SCREEN 9 + + The TV at the foot of Ferris' bed. The MTV logo is playing. + + 10 INT. BEDROOM 10 + + Ferris yanks open the drapes. The pall of the sickroom + disappears in the brilliant glow of morning sunlight. + + FERRIS + Incredible! One of the worst performances + of my career and they never doubted it + for a second. + (looks out the window) + What a beautiful day! + + He turns from the window. + + FERRIS + Parents always fall for the clammy hands. + It's physical evidence of illness. It's + a good, non-specific symptom. Parents are + generally pretty hip to the fever scams. + And to make them work you have to go a hundred + and one, hundred and two. You get a nervous + mother and you end up in a doctor's office + and that's worse than school. + + He flips on his stereo and fills the room with the MTV + broadcast. A NEW SONG begins. + + FERRIS + Fake a stomach cramp and when you're + doubled over, moaning and wailing, just + lick your palms. It's a little stupid + and childish but then so if high school. + Right? + + He equalizes the sound a little. + + FERRIS + This is my ninth sick day with semester. + If I go for ten, I'm probably going to + have to barf up a lung. So, I absolutely + must make this one count. + + He exits into the hallway. + + 11 INT. BATHROOM 11 + + Ferris walks into the bathroom. It's littered with Jean's + debris. He turns on the shower water. + + FERRIS + I don't care if you're fifty five + or seven, everybody needs a day off + now and then. It's a beautiful day. + How can I be expected to handle + high school? + + He bends down OUT OF FRAME as he loses his briefs. He pops + up. + + FERRIS + I do actually have a test. That wasn't + bullshit. + + He steps into the shower. Through the pebbled glass of the + shower door we see Ferris' outline. + + FERRIS + That I care about it was. + + 12 INT. BATHROOM. SHOWER STALL. 12 + + Inside the shower. Ferris' hair is standing straight up. + It's moulded into a fin with shampoo. + + FERRIS + It's on European socialism. I mean, + really. What's the point? I'm not + European. I don't plan to be European. + So, who gives a shit if they're socialists? + They could be fascist anarchists and it + still wouldn't change the fact that I + don't own a car. + + He turns the shower head around and uses it like a + microphone. + + FERRIS + (sings) + WELL SHAKE IT UP, BABY, + TWIST AND SHOUT... + + 13 INT. HALLWAY. LATER 13 + + Ferris comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around + his waist. He's drying his hair with another of a different + color. + + FERRIS + Not that I condone fascism. Or + and "isms". "Isms", in my opinion + are not good. A person should not + believe in an "ism". He should + believe in himself. John Lennon + said it on his first solo album. + "I don't believe in Beatles, I + just believe in me." A good point + there. Afterall, he was the Walrus. + + He opens a linen closet and tosses the towel in it. + + FERRIS + I could be the Walrus and I'd still + have to bum rides off people. + + He passes CAMERA and goes into his room. + + FERRIS (OC) + I'm not very political? Let me + put that into perspective... + + 14 INT. BEDROOM 14 + + Ferris tosses the towel he's dried hair with on the bed. + + FERRIS + My uncle went to Canada to protest + the war, right? On the Fourth of + July he was down with my aunt and he + got drunk and told my Dad he felt + guilty he didn't fight in Viet Nam. + So I said, "What's the deal, Uncle + Jeff? In wartime you want to be a + pacifist and in peacetime you want + to be a soldier. It took you twenty + years to find out you don't believe + in anything?" + (snaps his fingers) + Grounded. Just like that. Two weeks. + (pause) + Be careful when you deal with old + hippies. They can be real touchy. + + He opens his door. + + 15 INT. CLOSET 15 + + The door opens and Ferris rifles through his shirts. + + FERRIS + My mother was a hippie. But she + lost it. She got old. If she listens + to the White Album now? She doesn't hear + music, she hears memories. Nostalgia is + her favorite drug. It'll probably be + mine, too. I hope not. + + He finds a shirt he likes. He steps back from the closet and + puts it on. He drops the towel. + + 16 INT. BEDROOM 16 + + He walks across the room to his dresser. He opens his + underwear drawer. There's an old model of a submarine on the + top of the dresser. He picks it up. + + FERRIS + In eighth grade a friend of mine + made a bong out of one of these. + The smoke tasted like glue. + + He pulls out a pair of underwear. He gets dressed as he + speaks. + + FERRIS + His name is Garth Volbeck. He's a + serious outsider. Not a bad guy, I + like him. I'm probably his only friend. + I do what I can for him. I mean, if + I was him, I'd appreciate it. Do unto others, + right? Anyway, his mother owns a gas station. + His father's dead and his sister's rumored + to be a prostitute, which is complete bullshit. + She only puts out so people will hang out + with her. It's sad but I don't hold it + against her. Better to hold it against the + guys who use her and don't care about her. + (pause) + My parents never allowed Garth over here. + It was because of his family. Mainly his + older brother. He's in jail. I could see them + not wanting his brother here because he is + a registered psycho. I wouldn't want him here. + I once watched the guy eat a whole bowl of + artificial fruit just so he could see what + it was like to have his stomach pumped. + But Garth isn't his brother. It isn't his fault + that his brother's screwed-up. Alot of fights + with the parents on that point. I always felt + for Garth. I was sleeping at his house once + and I was laying on the dark worrying that + his brother was going to come in and hack me + to death with an ax and I heard Garth crying. + I asked him what was wrong and he said, "Nothing". + ... Nothing was wrong. There was no + specific thing he was crying about. + In fact, he wasn't really even aware that + he was crying. He just cried himself to + sleep every night. It was a habit. The + guy's so conditioned to grief that if + he doesn't feel it, he can't sleep. How + could you possibly dump on guy who has to + deal with that kinda shit? My parents + acknowledge the trudge of the situation + and I'm sure that deep down, they do feel + for him but still the guy's banned from + our house. + + He looks at himself in the mirror on the back of his closet + door. He doesn't like what he's wearing. He continues his + speech as he disrobes. + + FERRIS + Unfortunately, now my parents have a + legit argument. Garth doesn't need his + brother to give him a rep anymore. He's + getting one on his own. He's lost. It's + over for him. He's eighteen. Gone from + school. Gone from life. His legacy is + a gas station. + + 17 INT. HOUSE. STAIRCASE 17 + + Ferris comes down the stairs. He's wearing a completely + different outfit. + + FERRIS + One very serious danger is playing + sick is that it's possible to believe + your own act. + + 18 INT. KITCHEN 18 + + Ferris comes into the kitchen and crosses to the + refrigerator. + + FERRIS + That and boredom. Alot of people + ditch and feel great for about an + hour. Then they realize there's + nothing to do. TV and food. I myself + have ditched and gotten so bored I + did homework. Figure that shit out. + + He takes a sip out of a bottle of orange juice. + + FERRIS + You have to plan things out before + you take the day off. Otherwise + you get all nervous worrying about + what to do and all you get is grief + and the whole point is to take it + easy, cut loose and enjoy. + + He crosses to the pantry. + + FERRIS + You blow your day and at about three + o'clock, when everybody's out of school, + you're going to wish you'd gone to + school so you could be out having + fun. + + He emerges from the pantry with a handful of Oreos. + + FERRIS + Avoid the misery. Plan your day. + Do it right. + + 19 INT. FAMILY ROOM 19 + + Ferris walks in and flops down in an armchair. + + FERRIS + There's alot of pressure at work + in my age group. And it's not always + recognized. + + He reaches over and picks up the telephone. He sets it in + his lap. + + FERRIS + Some guy whose hair is falling out + and his stomach's hanging over his + belt and everything he eats makes + him fart, he looks at someone like + me and thinks, "This kid's young and + strong and has a full, rich future ahead + of him, what's he got to bitch about?" + + 20 CU. PHONE 20 + + He punches out a number. + + 21 INT. FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS 21 + + He remote controls the TV on. + + FERRIS + That's just one reason why I need a + day off every now and then. + + 22 EXT. ANOTHER HOUSE 22 + + A sleek, modern house on a couple of deeply wooded acres. A + prime house in a prime location. A telephone rings OVER. + + 23 INT. BOY'S BEDROOM 23 + + It's a dark, dreary sick room. Shades drawn, floor strewn + with used tissues, nightstand a still-life of over the + counter remedies. A high school boy, CAMERON FRYE, is laying + in bed. We don't see his face, only a silhouette with a + thermometer sticking out his mouth. U2's SUNDAY BLOODY + SUNDAY is playing. He's mumbling random words. + + CAMERON + Food...shelter...no...yes... + + The phone rings. His hand reaches back and hits the speaker + phone button. + + CAMERON + (weak) + Hello? + + FERRIS' VOICE + Cameron! What's happening? + + CAMERON + Very little. + + FERRIS' VOICE + How do you feel? + + CAMERON + Shredded. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Is your mother in the room? + + Cameron takes the thermometer out of his mouth. + + CAMERON + She's not home. Where are you? + + FERRIS' VOICE + Home. + + 24 INT. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS 24 + + Ferris is sprawled out in the chair. + + FERRIS + I'm taking the day off. Get + dressed and come over. + + CAMERON'S VOICE + I can't. I'm sick. + + FERRIS + It's all in your head. Come on over. + + 25 INT. CAMERON'S ROOM 25 + + Cameron's insistant. + + CAMERON + I feel like complete shit, Ferris. + I can't go anywhere. + + FERRIS' VOICE + I'm sorry to hear that. Now, come + on over and pick me up. + + Ferris disconnects. Cameron slowly hangs up the phone. + + CAMERON + I'm dying. + + The phone rings again. Cameron hits the speaker button. + + FERRIS' VOICE + You're not dying. You just can't think + of anything good to do. + + 26 INT. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM 26 + + Ferris hangs up. + + FERRIS + If anybody needs a day off, it's + Cameron. He has alot of things to + sort out before he graduates. He + can't be wound this tight and go + to college. His roommate'll kill + him. I've come close myself. But I + like him. He's a little easier to + take when you know why he's like he + is. The boy cannot relax. Pardon + by French but Cameron is so tight + that if you stuck a lump of coal up + his ass, in two weeks you'd have a + diamond. + (after-thought) + And Cameron would worry that he'd + owe taxes on it. + + 27 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 27 + + We hear roll call as CAMERA MOVES ACROSS the tile floor. A + shoe's POV. + + TEACHER'S VOICE + Albers? + + BOY'S VOICE + Here. + + TEACHER'S VOICE + Anderson. + + GIRL'S VOICE + Here. + + CAMERA enters a classroom. It travels past a teacher's Hush + Puppies and heads up an aisle of desk past dirty yellow + Reebocks, rotting Air Jordans, scuffed heels, pristine + loafers... + + TEACHER'S VOICE + Anheiser? + + BOY'S VOICE + Here. + + TEACHER'S VOICE + Busch? + + GIRL'S VOICE + Here. + + TEACHER'S VOICE + Bueller? + + CAMERA reaches the last desk and rises slowly to reveal that + it's empty. + + TEACHER'S VOICE + Bueller? + + GIRL'S VOICE + He's sick. + (pause) + My best friend's sister's boyfriend's + brother's girlfriend heard from this + guy who knows this kid who's going + with a girl who saw Ferris pass-out + at 31 Flavors last night. I guess + it's pretty serious. + + TEACHER'S VOICE + (weary) + Thank you, Simone. + + GIRL'S VOICE + (cheery) + No problem whatsoever. + + TEACHER'S VOICE + Drucker? + + BOY'S VOICE + What? + + WOUND-OUT CAR ENGINES COME UP LOUD. + + 28 CU. TV 28 + + THE ROAD WARRIOR is playing on video cassette. The big chase + at the end. + + INT. FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS + + He's sitting in the arm chair pretending it's Humongous' war + wagon. He's wearing a hockey mash. He's steering. He reaches + down and grabs an imaginary nitrous oxide valve. + + CU. TV + + Humongous reaches down and grabs a real nitrous oxide valve. + He gives it a twist. + + CU. FERRIS + + He throws himself back against the chair. + + CU. TV + + The force of the rapid acceleration of his vehicle throws + Humongous back in his seat. + + CU. FERRIS + + He bounces himself in the chair to simulate the bumpy high + speed ride. + + CU. TV + + The was wagon hurtles down the road. + + CU. FERRIS + + He rears back in horror. + + CU. TV + + The war wagon is heading for a head-on collision with the + tanker truck. + + CU. FERRIS + + Arms outstretched, head thrown back, braced for collision. + + CU. TV + + IMPACT! + + MOZART COMES UP. + + 29 CU. FLOWERING TREE BRANCH 29 + + Outside a bedroom window. A flowering crabtree branch. + Petite pink flowers. WE PULL BACK FROM THE WINDOW INTO THE + ROOM. It's Jeanie's room. A pink and powder blue pig pen. + Clothes everywhere, make-up, books, records. Ferris is + sitting on her bed going through a purse. + + FERRIS + This is really degrading. + + He comes up with a crumpled dollar bill. + + FERRIS + Financing my activities this way. + Very damaging to the self-image. + But, hey, I'm broke. In times of + crisis one must to what one must + to. I'll pay it back. With interest. + + He comes up with a five. + + FERRIS + Regardless of how much shit sisters + make you eat, how often they rat on + you, how gross they act or how wicked + and insensitive they can be, you should + not alientate them. Because most likely + they have cash and it's usually very easy + to get your hands on. + + He holds up a twenty and snaps it. PINK FLOYD'S "MONEY" + COMES UP. + + 30 INT. LIVING ROOM 30 + + The song plays as Ferris digs through the sofa cushions. + + CU. SOFA + + Ferris extracts a sticky quarter from a crevice. + + 31 INT. PARENTS' BEDROOM 31 + + Ferris is going through his father's pants pockets. Another + crumpled bill surfaces. + + 32 CU. WASHING MACHINE TOP 32 + + A couple of stiff, hard, bleached singles that have gone + through the wash lay on top of the washer. A hand scoops + them up. + + 33 CU. LUCITE ENCASED PROOF SET 33 + + An obvious gift from a grandparent. A U.S. Mint proof set. A + ten, a five and a single enclosed in a lucite frame. A + screwdriver tip wedges between the two pieces of Lucite and + pops them apart. A hand peels the bills off the backing. + + 34 CU. KITCHEN DRAWER 34 + + Hands ripping through the kitchen junk drawer. Locating a + dollar bill. + + 35 CU. COIN COLLECTION 35 + + The familiar blue collector's album. One-by-one, the + quarters are being popped out of their slots. + + 36 CU. VACCUUM CLEANER 36 + + The dusty, dirty contents of the bag are emptied on the + floor. Fingers pick a dime out of a matted wad of filth. + + 37 CU. SNOOPY BANK 37 + + It's being shaken furiously. + + 38 CU. BIRTHDAY CARD 38 + + It's a child's card. It's slowly opened to reveal a crisp, + new five. + + 39 INT. HALL CLOSET 39 + + The door opens and Ferris thrusts his hands into the pockets + of the coats. He comes up with a ball of Kleenex. A roll of + Tums. A squirt gun. Then a modest wad of bills. His face + lights up as he counts out the cash. He closes the door. + + 40 CU. FLOOR AND BED 40 + + Ferris' face appears between the bed and the floor. His arm + reaches out for a small metal bank hidden under the bed. + + 41 CU. BANK 41 + + It's on a work bench. An awl is driven in between the door + and the jamb. It pries the door open. Inside are trading + cards, a charred doll's head, a Zippo lighter and, finally, + a five dollar bill. + + 42 INT. KITCHEN 42 + + Ferris is on his hands and knees under the kitchen table. + + 43 CU. TABLE LEG 43 + + Ferris lifts the leg and removes a quarter that's been used + to balance the table. + + 44 INT. KITCHEN 44 + + Ferris stands up and pockets the quarter. + + 45 CU. FERRIS' BED 45 + + A shower of coins and bills rain down on the sheets. The + SONG ENDS. + + 46 EXT. REAL ESTATE OFFICE. MORNING 46 + + A suburban realty company. A cute little building in town. + + 47 INT. OFFICE 47 + + Joyce is behind a desk. Across from her are two WOMEN. + They're also real estate agents. + + JOYCE + No one's going to consider a + house with a black living room. + Not even those jerks from Vermont. + Let's be realistic. + + AGENT 1 + Mrs. Volbeck's dead set against + putting any money into the house. + + Joyce's phone intercom buzzes. She take the call. + + JOYCE + Joyce Bueller. + + Her eyes open wide with alarm. + + JOYCE + Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I + completely forgot to call. + + 48 EXT. HIGH SCHOOL 48 + + A modern, suburban high school. + + MAN'S VOICE + Are you aware that your son is not + in school today? + + 49 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 49 + + It's a passing period. The hall is clogged with students. + + JOYCE'S VOICE + Yes, I am. Ferris is home sick. I + had a meeting first thing this + morning. I should have called. It + completely slipped my mind. + + 50 INT. SCHOOL. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE 50 + + A SECRETARY is at work at her desk. We hear the dean inside + the office. + + DEAN'S VOICE + Are you also aware that Ferris does not + have what we consider an exemplary + attendance record? + + 51 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. CU. DESK SIGN 51 + + It reads, EDWARD R. ROONEY. DEAD OF STUDENTS. The dean's + feet are up on the desk, behind the sign. Moderately priced + dress shoes. + + JOYCE'S VOICE + I don't understand. + + DEAN'S VOICE + I just had his file up. + + INT. OFFICE. CU. DEAN + + ED ROONEY is sitting behind his desk. He's tough, clean and + straight as an I-beam. Short, neatly combed hair, suit and + tie. He's toying with a pencil. He's confident to the point + of arrogance. + + ROONEY + I just has his file up, Mrs. Bueller. + + Behind him is a computer terminal. He removes his feet from + the desk and turns in his swivel chair. + + ROONEY + If Ferris thinks he coast this last + month and still graduate, he's sorely + mistaken. + + JOYCE'S VOICE + This is all news to me. + + CU. COMPUTER MONITOR + + The monitor on Rooney's desk displays Ferris' records. + + ROONEY'S VOICE + So far this semester alone, he's been + absent nine times. Including today. + + JOYCE'S VOICE + Nine times? + + Under DAYS MISSED we see a number 9 suddenly change to a + number 2. + + INT. OFFICE + + Rooney turns to the monitor. He reads off the screen. + + ROONEY + I have it right here in front of me. He's + missed... + + He looks closer at the screen. + + 52 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 52 + + Ferris is at his Macintosh computer. He has his record up + on the screen. + + FERRIS + I wanted a car. I got a computer. How's + that for being born under a bad sign? + + 53 INT. JOYCE'S OFFICE 53 + + She's still on the phone with Rooney. + + JOYCE + I can give you every assurance that + Ferris is home and that he is, in + fact, very ill. I debated whether + or not I should even leave him. + I can appreciate that at this time + of year children are prone to taking + the day off, but in Ferris' case, + he's truly a very sick boy. + + 54 INT. FERRIS' BEDROOM 54 + + MUSIC BLASTS. SOLO GUITAR. + + CU. SPEAKER + + The grille cloth is throbbing. + + CU. LED METERS + + The meters on the amplifier are totally in the danger zone. + + CU. TV MONITOR + + We see Ferris in his room with a guitar around his neck. + He's playing. + + CU. VIDEO CAMERA + + A home video camera is capturing Ferris on tape. + + 55 INT. CAMERON'S ROOM 55 + + He's sitting on the edge of the bed buttoning his shirt. He + sighs deeply and fall back on the bed. + + 56 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 56 + + Jeanie is at her locker during a passing period. A + GIRLFRIEND comes up to her. + + GIRL + I'm really sorry about your brother. + + JEANIE + What're you sorry for? I have to live + with the trouser snake. + + GIRL + No, I mean I heard he's really sick. + + JEANIE + Who said he's sick. + + GIRL + A whole bunch of people. They said + he's like on the verge of death. + + Jeanie stares incredulously at the girl. + + GIRL + This guy in my biology class said + that if Ferris dies he's giving + his eyes to Stevie Wonder? He's + really sweet isn't he? + + She smiles and exits. Jeanie cocks her head in bewilderment. + She kicks her locker shut. + + 57 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 57 + + He's in bed on the phone. + + FERRIS + A sample of my blood was sent + to Atlanta to the Center for + Disease Control. I don't know, + man, I'm bricking heavily. + (point to the + phone) + Freshman. + (to the phone) + Did you see Alien? When the guy + had the creature in his stomach? + It feels like that. + + 58 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 58 + + A FRESHMAN BOY is on the pay phone. A couple of his BUDDIES + are standing at his side waiting anxiously for news. + + BOY + Goddamn! Are you kidding? + + SECOND BOY + What? + + BOY + Did you see Alien? + + SECOND BOY + No. + + BOY + You never rented the video cassette? + + Second boy shakes his head, no. + + BOY + Oh. He's really wasted. + + THIRD BOY + (to the Second Boy) + Who's he talking to? + + SECOND BOY + Ferris Bueller. You know him? + + THIRD BOY + (excited) + Yeah. He's getting me out of summer + school. + + BOY + Anyway, I appreciate you letting us + know how you're doing. We gotta split. + (pause) + Huh?...Yeah, sure. Hold on. + + SECOND BOY + (to Third Boy) + Shit. I hope he doesn't die. + I can't handle summer school. + + The boy snatches a passing GIRL. + + BOY + Did you see Alien? + + GIRL + Yeah, why? + + He hands her the phone. + + GIRL + Hello? + (pause) + Who? + (pause) + Hi, Ferris. How's your bod? + (jaw drops) + Oh, my God! You're dying? + Is it serious? + (pause) + Shiit! Are you upset? + + 59 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 59 + + Rooney's comparing his computer monitor to hard copy. His + SECRETARY is standing over his shoulder. + + ROONEY + I don't trust this kid any further + than I can throw him! + + SECRETARY + With your bad knee, you better + not throw anybody, Ed. + + Rooney stares at her for a long beat. + + ROONEY + What's so dangerous about a character + like Ferris Bueller is that he gives + the good kids bad ideas. The last thing + I need at this point in my career is + fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples + running around these halls. + + SECRETARY + He's very popular, Ed. Sportos, motorheads, + geeks, sluts, pinheads, dweebies, wonkers, + richies, they all adore him. + + ROONEY + That's exactly why I have to catch him + this time. To show these kids that the + example he sets is a first class ticket + to nowhere. + + SECRETARY + (impressed) + Ooo. You sounded like Dirty Harry just + now. + + Rooney looks up at her with a proud smile. + + ROONEY + Really? + + He unconsciously does an Eastwood squint. + + 60 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 60 + + It's a glorious late spring day. A florist's truck drives + past the house. + + 61 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 61 + + He's on the telephone. As he speaks he does a little + MacPainting on his MacIntosh. A Modigliani nude. + + FERRIS + Cameron, if you're not over here + in fifteen minutes, you can find + a new best friend. I'm serious, man. + This is bullshit, making me wait + around the house for you. + + 62 INT. CAMERON'S BEDROOM 62 + + Cameron's back in bed. + + CAMERON + I'm sick. I feel like shit. Why can't + you leave me alone? + + FERRIS' VOICE + You're not up for some good times? + It's a beautiful day. It's almost + summer. If this was Hawaii, we'd be + surfing. + + 63 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 63 + + He's growing weary of Cameron's wimpishness. + + FERRIS + You want to stay home and try + to have the shits? Try to barf? + Try to feel worse? + + CAMERON'S VOICE + I don't have to try. + + FERRIS + Be a man. Take some Pepto Bismol + and get dressed. You're boring me + with this stuff. + + The other phone line rings. + + FERRIS + Squeeze you buns for a second. I + got another call. + + He puts Cameron on hold. He clears his throat and answers + the second line. He sounds like he's on his last breath. + + FERRIS + H--hell-o? + + 64 EXT. OFFICE BUILDING. DOWNTOWN 64 + + A LaSalle Street office tower. + + TOM'S VOICE + Ferris? + + 65 INT. TOM'S OFFICE 65 + + He's behind his desk. Nice office. Two windows. Herman + Miller desk and chair. + + TOM + You sound miserable. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Really? Darn! I thought I was improving. + + TOM + Were you sleeping? + + FERRIS' VOICE + I was trying to do some homework. + + 66 CU. COMPUTER MONITOR 66 + + A closer view of the rude drawing Ferris is making. + + FERRIS (OC) + I'm so worried about falling behind. + + INT. FERRIS' ROOM + + He leans back from the monitor and sips a Coke. + + FERRIS + Dad? Can you hold on a second? + + TOM'S VOICE + Sure, pal. Are you alright? + + FERRIS + Just a little phlegm on the phone. + Hold on. + + He puts his father on hold. + + FERRIS + Cameron? It's my Dad. + + CAMERON'S VOICE + Oh, that's just great. Are you busted? + + FERRIS + It's completely cool. He's just + checking up on me. Now, listen to + me. I'm working on getting some + heavy bucks out of him. So, the least you + can do is hurry up and get over here. + Bye. + + He disconnects and gets his father back. He switches back to + his sick voice. + + FERRIS + Sorry, Dad. The moment before you + called, I had a chest spasm and I + blew lung fluid all over the place. + It was making me ill looking at it. + But gee, it's sure great of you to call. + I'm sure there're alot of fathers + who wouldn't take time out from + their busy schedules to call a dumb, + sick teenager. + + TOM'S VOICE + Hey, pal, what was I supposed to do? + + Ferris reaches out and hits a key on his computer. The + screen dumps the drawing. + + FERRIS + Give yourself some credit, Dad. It + was a mammoth gesture. It's like those + savings bonds you used to give me + every Christmas. + (looks at CAMERA and smiles) + It was that kind of concern. + + CU. COMPUTER SCREEN + + A message is flashing: "TRANSMITTING DATA". + + INT. FERRIS' ROOM + + He turns away from the computer and puts his feet up on the + desk. He lights a cigarette. + + FERRIS + You had to work hard for the money + to buy those things, right? + + TOM'S VOICE + Not any harder than anybody else. + + Ferris mouths Tom's words as he says them. + + 67 EXT. CHICAGO LOOP. DIAMONDVISION SCREEN 67 + + Ferris' drawing suddenly appears on the billboard. + Pedestrians stop to look. + + 68 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 68 + + He blows a smoke ring. + + FERRIS + You work so hard I'll bet you don't + even remember where those bonds are, + right? + + Ferris points a finger in the air as a cue to his father. + + TOM'S VOICE + Wrong. + + He nods. + + FERRIS + Oh, yeah? You're pulling my leg. You're + just trying to cheer me up. + + TOM'S VOICE + Like hell I am. They're in a shoebox + in my closet. + + Ferris smiles. He looks at CAMERA. He's gotten exactly what + he wants. + + FERRIS + (to CAMERA, normal + voice) + Was that a class move or what? + The guy gave it up faster than + a drunk Catholic girl. I hope my + kids don't pull this shit on me. + (thinks) + Of course, if they didn't, they'd + be dumb and abnormal and they'd + probably never move out of my + house and I'd have to support them + until I die. I take it back. + (to the phone, + sick voice) + Dad? All this talking has made me + kind of light-headed. I think + I better lie down. + + TOM'S VOICE + Okay, pal. You take care. I'll + call you after lunch. + + FERRIS + You don't have to, Dad. + + TOM'S VOICE + I want to. Bye now. + + He hangs up. Ferris sighs. + + FERRIS + You win some, you lose some. + + He turns his desk chair around and gets up. + + FERRIS + I'm so disappointed in Cameron. + Twenty bucks says he's sitting + in his car debating about whether + or not he should go out. + + 69 INT. CAR. CAMERON 69 + + He's sitting behind the wheel of his car. + + CAMERON + We're gonna get caught. No doubt + about it. + + He cuts the engine. + + CAMERON + I'm not doing it. + + He sits for half a beat. + + CAMERON + He'll keep calling until I come + over. + + He sighs and restarts the engine. Another beat. + + CAMERON + Actually, what'll happen is I'll + get caught. Ferris'll escape. + + Another beat. He stops the engine. A CRASH OF HORROR MUSIC. + + 70 CU. DRESSER DRAWER 70 + + Hands curl around the drawer pulls. The drawer is opened + slowly, ominously. The hands lift a sweater out. A HERALDIC + STING as we see a men's magazine beneath the sweater. + + INT. FERRIS' ROOM + + He takes out the magazine. He leafs through the pages for + the pictorials as he speaks. + + FERRIS + Cameron'll go on like that for a + good thirty minutes. The guy + is a shellfish when it comes to + making a decision. The reason + he doesn't fell good is, he + worries about everything. He's + the only guy I know who's deeply + concerned that when he grows up + there'll be a critical shortage + of strategic metals. + + He exits the room. + + 71 INT. HALLWAY 71 + + Ferris comes out of his room and heads down the hallway. + + FERRIS + Cameron's also the only guy + I know who knows what strategic + metals are. + (waves the magazine) + Pardon moi. + + He goes into the bathroom. We HEAR THE TOILET SEAT SLAM + DOWN. + + FERRIS + (sings) + MAYBE I'M JUST LIKE MY MOTHER, + SHE'S NEVER SATISFIED... + + 72 INT. CLASSROOM. LATER 72 + + A stunningly beautiful girl, SLOANE PETERSON, is sitting at + her desk in a history class. She's staring out the window as + a tweedy MALE TEACHER delivers a dry, dusty lecture. + + TEACHER + Roosevelt's health had seriously + deteriorated by the time he met + with Churchill and Stalin at Yalta. + (sneezes) + Pardon me. + + The classroom door opens and the school NURSE walks in. For + a moment, the teacher thinks she's come in because she heard + him sneeze. She crosses to him and whispers in his ear. + + SLOANE + + She, like the others, watches the nurse curiously. + + INT. CLASSROOM. TEACHER AND NURSE + + The teacher's face drops as he's delivered an obvious piece + of disturbing news. He nods grimly to the Nurse. She looks + at the kids. + + NURSE + Sloane Peterson? + + SLOANE + + Sits up in her seat. + + NURSE + + She's a picture of compassion and understanding. + + NURSE + May I see you outside for a moment? + There's been an emergency. + + SLOANE + + A smile curls across her lips. As she gathers her books she + looks to the GIRL next to her. + + SLOANE + (whispers) + Dead grandmother. + + 73 INT. HALLWAY 73 + + The Nurse is gently holding Sloane's hand. + + NURSE + (nods solemnly) + Dead grandmother. + + 74 CU. ROONEY 74 + + He has a suspicious look on his face. + + ROONEY + Dead grandmother? + + INT. DEAN'S OFFICE + + Rooney's at his desk. His secretary is standing across from + him. + + SECRETARY + That's what Mr. Peterson said. I + had Florence Sparrow notify Sloane. + + ROONEY + Who's this girl's going with? + + SECRETARY + It's so hard to tell. I see her + alot with Ferris Bueller. + + Rooney smiles. His suspicions are confirmed. + + ROONEY + Could you get me Mr. Peterson's + daytime number? + + As the secretary starts out of the room, Rooney's phone + rings. She stops and answers the desk phone. + + SECRETARY + Edward Rooney's office. + (pause) + Yes. Can you hold? Thank you. + + She puts the call on hold. + + SECRETARY + It's Mr. Peterson. + + Rooney is startled. He thinks for a beat then reaches for + the phone. + + SECRETARY + Do you still want his number? + + Rooney answers her with an annoyed look. She smiles and + backs out. He punches the phone button. + + ROONEY + Ed Rooney. + + MAN'S VOICE + Ed? This is George Peterson. + + ROONEY + How are you today, sir? + + MAN'S VOICE + We've had a bit of bad luck this + morning as you may have heard. + + Rooney rolls his eyes. It's so obvious it's not Mr. + Peterson. + + ROONEY + I heard. And, gosh, I'm all broken + up. Huh? Oh, sure. I'd be happy to + release Sloane. You produce a corpse + and I'll release Sloane. I want to + see this dead grandmother firsthand. + + The secretary stops cold in the doorway. She turns to Rooney + in horror. He covers the phone. + + ROONEY + (whispers) + It's Ferris Bueller. Nervy litttle + punk. I'm gonna set a trap and let + his walk right into it! + (to phone) + That's right. Cart the stiff in and + I'll turn over your daughter. It's + school policy. Was this your mother? + + Rooney's other line rings. + + 75 INT. SECRETARY'S OFFICE 75 + + She steps out of Rooney's office and picks up the other + line. + + SECRETARY + Ed Rooney's office. + + Her jaw drops. + + SECRETARY + Hold, please. + + She puts the call on hold and hangs up. She hurried into + Rooney's office. + + 76 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 76 + + Rooney's chewing out the person on the other line. + + ROONEY + I'll tell you want, you don't + like my policies, you can just + come on down and smooch by big + old ugly ass. You hear me? + + The secretary comes in. She's waving her arms furiously. + Rooney tries to wave her away. He's angry. She stomps her + foot. Rooney covers the phone. + + ROONEY + What!? + + SECRETARY + Ferris Bueller's on line two. + + CU. ROONEY'S FOOT + + It freezes in mid-tap. + + CU. ROONEY'S HAND + + The pencils falls from his fingers. + + CU. ROONEY'S FACE + + A mask of horror. He glances at the phone. + + CU. PHONE + + The second line light is flashing. + + CU. ROONEY + + He blinks, cocks his head, twitches. + + 77 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 77 + + He's zipping his pants, fastening his belt. The phone's + cradled against his shoulder. He speaks in the same voice he + used on his father. + + FERRIS + Mr. Rooney? I'm sorry to disturb + you at work but I was wondering if + it would be possible for my sister + to bring home any assignments from + my classes that I may need. + + 78 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. ROONEY 78 + + He's staring blankly ahead. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Thank you, sir. + + He nods. + + CU. PHONE + + Rooney's finger gingerly presses the button on the waiting + call. + + CU. ROONEY + + He winces as he returns to the first call. + + 79 INT. FERRIS' HOUSE. KITCHEN 79 + + Cameron's on the phone in the kitchen. He's doing a deep, + phoney "father" voice. + + CAMERON + You oughta be sorry for Christ's + sake! A family member dies and + you insult me. What's the matter + with you, anyway? + + 80 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. ROONEY 80 + + He apologies profusely to Cameron. He's perspiring, + trembling. + + ROONEY + I don't know. I thought you were + someone else. You have to know, + sir, that I would never deliberately + insult you. I can't begin to tell + you how embarrassed I am. + + CAMERON'S VOICE + Pardon my French but you're an asshole! + + Rooney nods enthusiastically. + + ROONEY + Absolutely! I most certainly am. + + 81 INT. KITCHEN 81 + + Cameron lays into Rooney. + + CAMERON + This isn't over yet, buster. You + just make sure my daughter's out + in front of the school in ten + minutes. Do you read me? + + ROONEY'S VOICE + Load and clear, Mr. Peterson. + + CAMERON + Call me sir, goddamn it! + + ROONEY'S VOICE + Sir. + + CAMERON + That's better. + + Ferris strolls into the kitchen to catch the last of the + conversation. Cameron covers the phone. + + CAMERON + (to Ferris) + I'm scared shitless, Ferris! What + is Rooney guesses my voice! + + FERRIS + Impossible. You're doing great. + + Cameron sighs and goes back to the phone. + + CAMERON + (clears his throat) + I don't have all day to bark at you + so I'll make this short and sweet. + + Ferris gives Cameron an enthusiastic thumbs up. + + FERRIS + (mouths) + Great! + + Cameron smiles proudly. + + CAMERON + I want my daughter out in front + of the school in ten minutes. By + herself. I don's want anyone around... + + Ferris smacks Cameron. He's said the wrong thing. He covers + the phone. + + CAMERON + What'd I do? + + FERRIS + Out in front my herself? It's too + suspicious! He'll think something's + up, moron. Cover it. + + Cameron panics. He holds the phone out to Ferris. + + CAMERON + You do it! + + Ferris waves his arms angrily. + + FERRIS + Talk! + + Cameron takes a deep breath. He clears his throat and puts + on his father's voice. + + CAMERON + I changed my mind, fella. You be out + in front with her! I wanna have a + few words with you! + + Ferris slaps Cameron. The phone flies out of his hand. + + 82 CU. ROONEY 82 + + He winces as the phone hits the floor with a loud CLONK! + We HEAR THE BOYS SCRAMBLING TO PICK UP THE PHONE, THEN + CAMERON CLEARING HIS THROAT. + + CAMERON'S VOICE + On second thought, I don't have + time to talk to you. We'll get + together soon and have lunch. + + We HEAR A SLAP AND THE CALL DISCONNECTS. + + 83 INT. FERRIS' KITCHEN 83 + + Cameron's rubbing the side of his head. + + CAMERON + Why'd you hit me?! + + FERRIS + Where's your brain?! + + CAMERON + Why'd you hit me?! + + FERRIS + Where's your brain?! + + CAMERON + Why'd you hit me? + + FERRIS + Where's your brain? + + CAMERON + I asked you first. + + FERRIS + How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney's + going to be there with her?! + + CAMERON + I said for her to be there alone + and you freaked! + + FERRIS + My, God, you're so stupid! + (aside) + I didn't hit you, I lightly slapped + you. + + CAMERON + You hit me. Look, don't ask me to + participate in your crap if you + don't like the way I do it! + + Ferris is incredulous at Cameron's stupidity. Cameron's + anger is intensified by his embarrassment. + + CAMERON + I was home, sick. You get me out of + bed, being me over here, make me + jeopardize my future, make me do + a phoney phone call on a dean of + students, a man who could squeeze + my nuts into oblivion and then + you deliberately hurt my feelings. + + FERRIS + I didn't deliberately hurt your feelings. + + CAMERON + Oh, really? + + FERRIS + Yeah, really. + + Cameron glares at Ferris. + + CAMERON + Hey, Ferris? Have a nice life. + + He turns and heads out of the room. Ferris sighs. + FERRIS + Cameron? + + CAMERON + Stick it up your ass, Ferris. + + FERRIS + Cameron, I'm sorry. I didn't mean + to jam you. It was uncalled for. + + Cameron stops. + + CAMERON + You're serious? + + He turns around. + + FERRIS + Dead serious. + + Cameron smiles. He appreciates Ferris apology. + + CAMERON + Thanks. + + FERRIS + You did screw up through, right? + Not that is was necessarily all + you fault. Right? + + CAMERON + (suspiciously) + Why? + + FERRIS + To fix this situation, I'm going + to have to ask you for a small favor. + + Cameron's jaw drops. + + 84 INT. GARAGE 84 + + The door opens slowly, dramatically as we hear a heraldic + fanfare. Light streams in to reveal Cameron and Ferris + looking at the car. Ferris is smiling with excitement and + awe. Cameron is frowning with trepidation and fear. + + CU. FERRARI STALLION + + The prancing black stallion. We move up from the stallion to + the erotic red hood of a 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. + + CAMERON AND FERRIS + + Cameron's face is ashen. The end of the world is at hand. + Ferris is in heaven. + + CAMERON + (grim monotone) + 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. Less + than a hundred were made. It has a + market value of $265,000. My father + spent three years restoring it. It + is joy, it is his love, it is his + passion. + + FERRIS + It is his fault he didn't lock the + garage. + + CAMERON + Ferris, my father loves this car more + than life itself. We can't take is out. + + FERRIS + A man with priorities so far out of + whack doesn't deserve such a fine + automobile. + + CAMERON + He never drives it, Ferris. He just + rubs it with a diaper. + + FERRIS + We can't pick up Sloane in your car, + Cameron. Rooney'd never believe Mr. + Peterson drives that piece of shit. + + CAMERON + It's not a piece of shit. + + FERRIS + It's a piece of shit. Don't worry + about it. I don't even have a piece + of shit. I have to envy yours. Look, + I'm sorry but there's nothing else + we can do. + + CAMERON + He knows the mileage, Ferris. He has + it tatooed on his wrist. + + FERRIS + He doesn't trust you? + + CAMERON + No. + + FERRIS + Alright, look, this is real simple. + He puts his arm around Cameron. + + FERRIS + Whatever miles we put on it, we'll + take off. + + CAMERON + (suspicious) + How? + + FERRIS + (big, proud smile) + We'll drive home backwards. + + Cameron shakes his head, no. + + CAMERON + Forget it. I'm putting my foot down, + Ferris. You'll have to think of + something else... + + CU. FERRARI GRILLE + + Cameron's protests are drowned out by the distinctive roar + of the twelve cylinders. + + CAMERON'S VOICE + ...You're not talking me into this + one. I have to live with the man. + I'm sorry but... + + The roar of the engine is overtaken by the sound of a + crowded school hallway. + + 85 INT. SCHOOL. JEANIE 85 + + She comes out of a classroom. She stops as Sloane and Rooney + walk past. Sloane has her coat on and she's carrying her + books. Jeanie watches her suspiciously. + + 86 EXT. SCHOOL 86 + + The Ferrari is parked out in front. The top is down. + + 87 INT. FERRARI 87 + + Ferris is driving. He's wearing a man's hat and sunglasses. + Cameron's in the back. + + CAMERON + Are you crazy?! Put the top back + up! + + FERRIS + This is perfect top-down weather. + CAMERON + What about Rooney? + + FERRIS + Cameron, the more obvious we are, + the less likely we are to get + caught. + + CAMERON + That makes no sense whatsoever. + + FERRIS + The adult mind is a suspicious + machine. + (look around at Cameron) + Stay down, man. + + Cameron squeezes himself lower. + + CAMERON + Howcome it's my Dad's car and + I'm taking all the risk and I have + to ride back here? + + FERRIS + I don't have an explanation. + + 88 EXT. SCHOOL 88 + + Rooney and Sloane come out the door. + + ROONEY + Once again let me say how deeply + saddened I am by your loss. + + SLOANE + Huh? + + ROONEY + Were you close to your grandmother? + + SLOANE + Oh. Um. Yeah. Very. She was a terrific + lady. Very hip. Very old. Yeah. + + DEEP VOICE + Oh, Sloane! Dear! + + Sloane looks across at the Ferrari. Rooney looks. + + THEIR POV + + Ferris is looking out across the roof of the Ferrari. He's + careful to keep his nose and mouth below the roofline. + + FERRIS + Hurry along now! + + EXT. SCHOOL + + Rooney's suspicious. Sloane smiles and bids Rooney a hasty + farewell. + + SLOANE + I guess that's my Dad. Thanks. + See ya. + + She hurries to the car. Rooney watches her. Something does + compute for him. + + 89 INT. SCHOOL. JEANIE 89 + + She's watching out the door. She sees the Ferrari pull away. + + 90 EXT. SCHOOL. ROONEY 90 + + He can't quite put his finger on what's bothering him. + + 91 INT. FERRARI 91 + + Sloane shrieks with delight. She leans across the console + and gives Ferris a kiss. + + SLOANE + This is so great! I can't believe + it! Right in front of Rooney! + + She laughs and turns to Cameron. + + SLOANE + Hi, Cameron. You comfortable? + + CAMERON + Hi. No. + + SLOANE + What a fabulous car! + + CAMERON + Enjoy it quick. It' s going home. + + FERRIS + It was risky, it was bold but + it was totally necessary. + + SLOANE + What're we gonna do? + + FERRIS + The question isn't "what are we + gonna do", the question is "what + aren't we going to do." + + CAMERON + Don't tell me we're not going to + take the car home. Please. + + FERRIS + (to CAMERA) + If you had access to a car like this + would you take it back right away? + Would you give up feeling like a + ton just to ease your best friend's + tension? + + He smiles. + + FERRIS + Either would I. + + 92 EXT. STREET. FERRARI 92 + + It accelerates away like a shot. + + 93 EXT. SUBURBAN BANK 93 + + A fresh, modern bank building. The clock outside read 9:53. + The Ferrari pulls into the parking lot. + + 94 INT. BANK. DOORS 94 + + Ferris, Cameron and Sloane walk in. Ferris is cocky and + confident. Sloane's still intoxicated with her freedom. + Cameron's having stomach trouble. Ferris leads the way to an + open teller window. + + INT. BANK. TELLER + + A WOMAN about seventy with a silver blue beehive. It's about + four inches higher the highest beehive you're ever seen. As + she moves the beehive hits a small sign over her head. She's + been at the bank since they opened. She smiles when she sees + Ferris. + + TELLER + Ferris Bueller? + + FERRIS + + He's at the window. On either shoulder are Cameron and + Sloane. Ferris smiles. Cameron blanches. + + FERRIS + Hello, Mrs. Froeling. How are you? + + TELLER + + She pats the rock-solid mass of blue hair. In doing so she + locates a missing ball point pen. She withdraws it from the + hair and smiles at it's reappearance. + + TELLER + I passed a kidney stone Tuesday, so + I'm a little pooped but other than + that, I'm as chipper as can be. + (something occurs to her) + Say, should you be in school? + + FERRIS + + He lays his savings bonds on the counter. + + FERRIS + Me? + (polite laugh) + I'm out of school, Mrs. Froeling. + In fact. I'm married. This is my + wife...Madonna. + + Sloane suppresses a laugh. + + FERRIS + (to Cameron) + And this is my brother-in-law, + ZZ Top. ZZ, this is Mrs. Froeling. + + Cameron isn't amused. + + TELLER + (to Cameron) + Is Top a Slavic name? + + CAMERON + Yeah. + + FERRIS + I'd like to cash these in, please. + We're having a baby and we need the + cash for a crib, clothes, diapers, + food pellets, leash, water dish... + + INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW + + Mrs. Froeling takes the bonds with a hearty smile. The + latter part of the conversation sails over her like a line + drive. + + TELLER + A baby! + (to Sloane) + You must be so excited. + + Cameron groans and turns away from the sham. + + SLOANE + I'm thrilled, ma'am. I'm especially + looking forward to wearing those + jeans with the stretch panel in + front. + + Mrs. Froeling thumbs through the bonds. + + TELLER + Are you hoping for a boy or + a girl? + + SLOANE + Actually, we're hoping for a car. + + CU. CAMERON + + He's spooked by the games playing. He scans the bank + nervously. He blinks, focuses, blinks again. + + HIS POV + + Joyce is with a MIDDLE-AGED COUPLE and their bored, + sour-puss teenage son, BOYD. He's sitting in a chair with + his legs slung over the sides waving a Bic lighter back and + forth across his rump. The parents are Joyce's clients from + Vermont. A LOAN OFFICER is discussing the local financing + situation with them. His is an open office adjacent to the + teller windows. Joyce's back is to the tellers. + + CU. CAMERON + + It's like he's just witnesses an ax murder. + + CAMERON + Shit... + + INT. BANK. JOYCE + + Her back is to the teller windows. She's conducting her + meeting. Behind her we see Cameron grab Ferris and point her + out to him. He waves. Cameron slaps his arm. + + INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW + + Mrs. Froeling shows Ferris the savings bonds. + + TELLER + These bonds aren't mature. If you hold + onto them another two years you'll get + an additional four dollars... + + FERRIS + I'm aware of that. + + TELLER + You're throwing away four dollars. + + FERRIS + No, ma'am, I'm giving it to the + government. They need it. Do you + know what an aircraft carrier's + going for these days? + + INT. BANK. JOYCE + + She concludes her meeting. She shakes hands with the loan + officer and stands. The Vermont Couple stands. Boyd scrapes + the bottom of his shoe on the desk, leaving a glob of mud + behind and he stands. Joyce turns into the bank. Ferris, + Cameron and Sloane are gone. She escorts her customers out. + + INT. BANK. DOOR + + Joyce and the Vermont Couple approach the doors. Boyd lays a + luggie in the drinking fountain. Mrs. Froeling passes with + the savings bonds. She stops when she sees Joyce. + + JOYCE + Mrs. Froeling, how are you? + + MRS. FROELING + I passed a kidney stone Tuesday. + (shifts gears, to Joyce) + Say, you must be very proud. + + Joyce doesn't know what she's talking about. + + MRS. FROELING + (whispers) + I met Madonna. + + She pats Joyce on the arm. + + MRS. FROELING + She told me everything. Keep me posted, + I'll want to send a gift. + + She toodles on her way. Joyce and the Vermont Couple are + completely baffled. + + 95 EXT. BANK 95 + + Joyce and the Vermont Couple walk along the side of the + bank, heading for the parking lot. Boyd's tagging along + behind. He picks up a stone and hurls it into the parking + lot. + + JOYCE + My son's home sick today. If + you wouldn't mind, on our way + back to the office, I'd like + to just run in and check up on him. + + We HEAR A METALLIC PING! as Boyd's missle hits a car. + + MOTHER + Of course. + + They pass a show window. As they pass, we hold on the + window. It's promoting saving for college educations. A + mannequin father is congratulating his mannequin son in a + mortar and gown as a stiff Sloane, Ferris and Cameron look + on proudly. + + 96 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 96 + + His secretary is dialing a number for him. + + SECRETARY + This is the Peterson's home. + + She hands the phone to Rooney. + + SECRETARY + Watch your mouth this time. + + Rooney glares at her. + + ROONEY + Ferris Bueller's behind this. There's + no doubt in my mind. That's what I was + saying this morning. Why he has to be stopped. + He's got Sloane Peterson involved in this + thing now. See? + + The secretary nods. + + SECRETARY + And her grandmother, too. + + 97 CU. PHONE ANSWER MACHINE 97 + + It clicks on. We hear a grieved woman's voice. It sounds an + awful lot like Sloane. + + SLOANE + We can't come to the phone right now. + We've had a death in the family. If + you need to reach us we'll be at + the following number... + + 98 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 98 + + Rooney quickly takes down a number. + + 99 EXT. CAMERON'S HOUSE 99 + + His answering machine clicks on. We hear Cameron's voice. + + CAMERON'S VOICE + You have reached the Coughlin Bros. + Mortuary. We are unable to come to + the phone right now but if you'll leave + your name and number... + +100 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 100 + + Rooney hangs up the phone. + + ROONEY + Something's going on, goddamn it. + + The secretary's looking at a newspaper on Rooney's desk. + She's not listening to him. + + SECRETARY + There's a railroad strike. + + ROONEY + And I'm going to stop it! + + SECRETARY + My brother-in-law'll appreciate it. + + Rooney looks at her, puzzled. + + ROONEY + What? + + SECRETARY + My brother-in-law rides the train + to work. + + Rooney stares at her like she's crazy. + + ROONEY + Who gives a good goddamn? + +101 EXT. EDENS EXPRESSWAY 101 + + The major thoroughfare into the city of Chicago from the + suburbs. The Ferrari streaks past. In the distance we see + the Sears Tower, the Hancock Building and the Standard Oil + Building. + +102 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 102 + + Jeanie's walking down the hall. She's stopped by a KID with + a Coke can. + + KID + Yo. We're collecting money to + buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney. + + Jeanie stares at him. She's flabbergasted at the proportions + her brother's scan has reached. + + KID + They run about fifty g's so it + you could help out... + + JEANIE + Go piss up a flagpole! + + KID + Huh? + + She knocks the can out of his hands and storms down the hall. + The kid yells after her. + + KID + Hey, babe! Some day you might + need a favor from Ferris Bueller! + Then where'll you be?! + + He reaches for the can. + + KID + Heartless wench... + +103 EXT. CHICAGO LOOP. PARKING GARAGE 103 + + The Ferrari pulls into a large parking garage. + + EXT. GARAGE + + Ferris, Sloane and Cameron get out. Cameron's having fits. + + CAMERON + We can't leave the car here! + + FERRIS + Why not? + CAMERON + Because we can't! I want it back + home where it belongs! + + SLOANE + What could happen to it? + + CAMERON + It could get stolen, wrecked, scratched, + you name it. + + FERRIS + I'll give the guy a five to watch it. + + CAMERON + What guy? + + CU. PARKING ATTENDANT + + He smiles with relish at the car. 6'6", 240. An IQ that + equals his hourly wage. Shoulder-length hair stuffed into a + hairnet Gold teeth. Earring. Goatee. + + EXT. PARKING LOT + + The Attendant swaggers over to the car. Ferris slips him a + give. + + FERRIS + You speak English? + + ATTENDANT + Since I was three. + + FERRIS + Great. I want to you take extra special + care of this vehicle, okay? + + He pats the Attendant on the arm. He smiles. + + ATTENDANT + Like it's a beautiful woman. + + FERRIS + I appreciate it. + + The Attendant very gingerly gets into the car. Ferris turns + to Cameron. The Ferrari pulls into the lot very slowly, very + carefully. No squealing tires, no revving engine. + + FERRIS + See what a finski can do to + a person's attitude? He's going + to treat it like a beautiful + woman. + + CAMERON + Yeah, sure. Whip it with a stick + and piss on the hood. + + SLOANE + Oh, please, Cameron. Do you have to + be so graphic? + + She heads down the street. + + SLOANE + This is so right! + + Ferris nudges Cameron on. They exit the garage and head + after Sloane. A long beat and the Ferrari creeps down the + exit ramp of the garage. It's gone in the entrance and out + the exit. Another attendant jumps in the passenger side. + He's skinny, tall, with a huge knit hat willed with dreads. + He lets out a spirited laugh and the Ferrari peels out of + the lot. It heads down the street away from Sloane, Ferris + and Cameron. + +104 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 104 + + Joyce's care pulls in the driveway. She gets out and heads up + the house. + +105 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 105 + + It's dark. There's a figure in the bed. We hear soft + snoring. A wire runs from under the bed covers to the closet + door to the door to the room itself. + + INT. ROOM. DOOR KNOB + + The wire is tied to the doorknob. It's taut. Downstairs, we + hear a door open and close. + +106 INT. HOUSE. STAIRWAY 106 + + Joyce quietly walks up the stairs. + +107 INT. HOUSE. HALLWAY 107 + + Joyce comes up the stairs and crosses to Ferris' room. She + listens at the door. WE HEAR THE SNORING. + + CU. DOORKNOB + + Joyce slowly turns the doorknob and pushes the door open a + crack. + + HER POV + + The door opens and the figure-like lump in the bed moves. + + CU. JOYCE + + She smiles and closes the door. + +108 INT. ROOM. CLOSET 108 + + The closet door is open. The wire from the bedroom door is + strung over the top of the closet door. A trophy is attached + to the end of the wire and it's resting on a yard stick. As + the bedroom door closes, the trophy lifts up off the + yardstick and the lump in the bed goes back down to it's + original position. + + CU. FERRIS' SYNTHESIZER + + Little LED's are lighting up to the rhythm of the snoring. + The snoring it simulated. + +109 INT. HALLWAY 109 + + Joyce listens at the door another beat. She's smiles with + relief and affection. + +110 EXT. SEARS TOWER. LATER 110 + + HELICOPTER SHOT moves in on the world's tallest building. As + it passes we see three figures pressed against the windows. + + FERRIS (VO) + This is the world's tallest building. + From our vantage point here on the + 103 floor, we are provided with a + view of four states. + + CAMERON (VO) + Do you think the car's alright? + + FERRIS (VO) + Illinois, Michigan, Wisconsin and + my personal favorite, Indiana. + +111 INT. SEARS TOWER OBSERVATION DECK 111 + + Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are standing against the window. + + CAMERON + I don't feel good, Ferris. Are + we gonna stay long? + + FERRIS + Take a step back... + + Ferris steps back. Sloane and Cameron follow suit. + + FERRIS + Now, lean against the glass. Like + this... + + He leans forward, putting all his weight on his forehead. + + FERRIS + And look down. + + Sloane leans forward. Cameron follows, reluctantly. + + SLOANE + Oh, shit! + + HER POV + + The street far, far below. A dizzying view. + + INT. OBSERVATION DECK + + The three are leaning against the glass. + + SLOANE + What if the glass gives? + + FERRIS + Death. + + SLOANE + Cool. + + CU. CAMERON + + He's looking down. + + CAMERON + I think I see my Dad. + +112 EXT. STREET LEVEL 112 + + A middle-aged man, Cameron's father, HORACE FRYE, is + standing on the street corner. He's lean, clean, tough and + humorless. He's wearing a puzzled look on his face. + + CAMERON'S FATHER + I think I see my car. + + HIS POV + + The Ferrari screams down the avenue and disappears down the + underground ramp. + +113 INT. SEARS TOWER LOBBY 113 + + Ferris and Sloane bound down the escalator. Cameron follows + glumly. They dance past the giant Calder mobile. They're + singing. + + FERRIS AND SLOANE + I BEEN ALL 'ROUND THIS GREAT BIG WORLD + AND I'VE SEEN ALL KINDS OF GIRLS + YEAH, BUT I COULDN'T WAIT TO GET + BACK IN THE STATES + BACK TO THE CUTEST GIRLS IN THE WORLD + I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA + I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA + +114 EXT. STREET 114 + + Ferris and Sloane burst out the doors garnering the annoyed + stares of the business people busily going in and out of the + building. Cameron politely waits his turn to exit. Ferris + and Sloane head down the street. Cameron follows. + + FERRIS AND SLOANE + I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA GIRLS! + +115 EXT. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE 115 + + Giant old monolith. + +116 INT. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. TRADING ROOM 116 + + Traders are frantically buying and selling commodities. + +117 INT. GALLERY 117 + + Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the gallery + watching the proceedings. + + SLOANE + Do you love me? + + FERRIS + Do you love me? + + SLOANE + I asked you first. + + FERRIS + Yes. You? + + SLOANE + Yes. + + FERRIS + Would I trash a day of education to + be with you if I didn't love you? + + SLOANE + Yes. + + FERRIS + Would I risk damaging a deep and + wonderfully enriching relationship + with my parents if I didn't love you? + + SLOANE + Yes. + + FERRIS + Would I have introduced you as my wife + if I didn't love you? + + SLOANE + Wait a minute. That was a lie. + + FERRIS + True. + + Ferris puts his arm around Sloane. + + FERRIS + Would you want to get married? I + mean if I wasn't an asshole. + + SLOANE + Sure. + + FERRIS + (serious) + Today? + + Sloane stares at him. Is he serious. + + FERRIS + I'm game. + + SLOANE + No way! + + FERRIS + I'll do it, if you will. + + Cameron suddenly adds his two cents. + + CAMERON + You need a blood test. + + Ferris looks around at him. + + FERRIS + Huh? + + CAMERON + If your blood's not compatible, + you could produce a pinhead. The + state requires a blood test. + + FERRIS + So? + + CAMERON + So, you can't get married today. + + FERRIS + Tomorrow? + + CAMERON + If you get a blood test today. + + SLOANE + I'm not getting married. + + CAMERON + I'm with you, babe. + + FERRIS + Why not? + + SLOANE + What do you mean, why not? Think + about it. + + FERRIS + Besides being too young and your + father hating my guts and not + having any place to live and feeling + awkward about being the only cheer- + leader with a husband, give me a + good reason why not. + + CAMERON + I'll give you two. My mother and + father. + + Ferris and Sloane look at him curiously. + + CAMERON + They're married and they hate each other. + (to Ferris) + You've seen them. Am I right? + + FERRIS + You're father's a toad and your + Mom's always wired out, but so what? + They're old. That's natural. + + CAMERON + It makes me puke. Seeing people + treat each other like that. It's + like the car. He loves the car. + He hates his wife. + + SLOANE + My parents are divorced. So what? + It's not like it doesn't happen + ten thousand times a day. + + CAMERON + Just because it happens doesn't + make it right. Are you comfortable + with it? + + SLOANE + No. It's not something I can get comfortable + with. I've tried. Are yours divorced? + + CAMERON + They may as well be. + + SLOANE + Do you think they're staying together + because of you? + + Cameron hasn't seen it that way. He shrugs. + + SLOANE + Do they like you? + + It hasn't occured to Cameron that his parents might not like + him. That parental love might not be a given. + + CAMERON + Yeah. Sure. + + SLOANE + Consider this...my father canned me + and my brother and my Mom for a + twenty five year old dipso with fake + tits. He dropped us like a rock. Everything + was cool at our house. I thought so. + We all thought so. Then BLAM! It's over. + + FERRIS + (to CAMERA) + This is all news to me. She keeps a + pretty good secret. + + SLOANE + (to Cameron) + It was pure selfishness. When I have + a kid, I don't care how much I want + something, if it's gonna screw-up the + kid, forget it. + + FERRIS + (to CAMERA) + She's not lying. + + CAMERON + You could change. + + SLOANE + Yeah. But I'm gonna try not to. + I'm gonna think about it. I'm + gonna try to prevent it. + + FERRIS + This is optomism. It's a common + trait with my age group. Adults + think it's cute, it's like a charming + quick that infests youth. But it's + a cool thing and I think, deep down, + crusty old shits wish they had some. + They wish they had her, too. + (points to Sloane) + Sorry. She's taken. + + CAMERON + I'd rather not have my family break + apart, thank you. + + SLOANE + Well, you know what? It ain't up + to you. It's out of your hands. + + CAMERON + So, I in other words, I should just + sit back and watch it crumble? + + SLOANE + You're merely an inhabitant in their + universe. + + FERRIS + Frightening choice of words. + + SLOANE + They call the shots. When you split + from them, you call the shots. + + CAMERON + So, you're saying I should run away? + + FERRIS + No. She's saying it's time for lunch. + + SLOANE + What? + + FERRIS + Let's go feed Cameron. + + They stand up and head out. Ferris hangs back a moment. He + cups his hands to his mouth. He yells at the top of his + voice. + + FERRIS + BUY! + + And he exits. Cool and casual. + +118 INT. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. TRADING FLOOR 118 + + It explodes with activity in response to Ferris' shout. + We HEAR A RADIO ANNOUNCER. + + ANNOUNCER + Commodity prices rose sharply today + in unusually heavy trading... + +119 EXT. RESTAURANT 119 + + A French restaurant on the Gold Coast. It's noon. + +120 INT. RESTAURANT 120 + + Ferris, Sloane and Cameron are standing in the restaurant. + Ferris is looking at the maitre 'd's reservations book. + + HIS POV + + His fingers runs down to a party of three for 12:00. + + INT. RESTAURANT + + The maitre'd returns. + + MAITRE'D + (to Ferris) + May I help you? + + FERRIS + Yes. I'm Abe Frohman. Party of + three for 12:00. + + The maitre'd looks at Ferris curiously. + + FERRIS + Is there a problem? + + MAITRE'D + You're Abe Frohman? + + FERRIS + I'm Abe Frohman. + + MAITRE'D + (chuckles) + I'm sorry, son. I'm very busy right + now. If you have trouble finding the + door... + + Sloane tugs Ferris' sleeve. He ignores her. + + FERRIS + Are you suggesting that I'm not + who I say I am? + + MAITRE'D + Shall I call the police? + + CAMERON + Let's go...Abe. + + FERRIS + I'm not going anywhere. + (to the Maitre'd) + Call the police. Go ahead. Better + yet... + (grabs the phone) + ...I'll call myself. + + Cameron chokes. Sloane grits her teeth. The maitre'd smiles + smuggly. + + CU. PHONE + + Ferris punches out a number. A beat and the restaurant's + second line lights up and the phone rings. + + INT. RESTAURANT + + The maitre'd motions for the phone so that he can answer the + call. Ferris waves him off angrily. + + FERRIS + You touch me and I yell "rat!" + There's another phone around here. + Find it. + + The maitre'd backs off. + + CAMERON + Ferris, let's split, please? + + SLOANE + Cameron's right. We're gonna + get busted. + + FERRIS + Not a chance in the world. + + He hands the phone to Sloane. + + FERRIS + Ask for Abe Frohman. + + INT. RESTAURANT. LATER + + Ferris, Sloane and Cameron are seated in the restaurant. The + maitre'd is hovering over Ferris. + + MAITRE'D + I appreciate your understanding. + + FERRIS + Don't grovel, Charles. Just leave + us to our repast and all will be + forgotten. + + MAITRE'D + Enjoy your luncheon. + + FERRIS + Thank you. + + The maitre'd backs away. Ferris smiles. Sloane is impressed. + Cameron is flushed with nerves. + + FERRIS + Darling, you were wonderful. + + SLOANE + Oh, but I had a wonderful teacher. + + FERRIS + Cameron, dear friend? + + Cameron looks to Ferris. + + FERRIS + And you thought we wouldn't have + any fun. Shame on you. + + Ferris disappears behind his menu. + +121 EXT. SCHOOL 121 + + We HEAR HALLWAY SOUNDS AND JEANIE. + + JEANIE (VO) + Ferris Bueller's days are numbered. + +122 INT. GIRL'S LOCKER ROOM 122 + + Jeanie's sitting on a bench in a field hockey uniform. She's + talking to a FRIEND. + + JEANIE + (mean, vicious) + I'm gonna bust his buns. + + FRIEND + Why? What's the point? + + JEANIE + Why? Because I'm sick of the little + dope. He manipulates my parents, he + does whatever he wants, whenever he + wants and he never gets nailed. + (wicked pause) + Well, babe, today I'm the hammer. + + She yanks angrily on the velcro strap on her sneakers. The + straps rip off in her hand. + + FRIEND + I think he's cute. + + JEANIE + Sweetie, it's an established fact that + you have no taste. Ferris is not cute. + He's not charming. He's not nice. He's + not a wonderful person. He's an ignorant + mule and the sooner everybody in this + school comes to that realization the + better off we'll all be. + + She displays the velcro straps to her friend. + + JEANIE + See? My brother strokes you, you + sympathize with him, I get pissed + off and this is what happens! + + Jeanie tosses the straps on the floor. + + JEANIE + Let me tell you something. I study + hard, I work hard, I'm polite, I'm + considerate, I'm friendly and fair + to all kinds of people. Except + morons. I try to be everything a + good, decent person should be and + you know what? + + FRIEND + Everybody thinks you're an asshole. + + Jeanie freezes with her next sentence pinned to her tongue. + + JEANIE + Excuse me? + + FRIEND + I don't think you're an asshole. + + JEANIE + Who does? + + Her friend smiles sheepishly. + + JEANIE + Rachel? + + Jeanie's friend shrugs, wags her head, does everything but + verbally confirm. + + JEANIE + Rachel's a dirt bag. Who else? + + FRIEND + I don't know. Just forget it. + + JEANIE + Forget that everybody thinks I'm an + asshole? Would you like everybody to + think you're an asshole? + + FRIEND + Not everybody thinks you're an + asshole. Mr. Rooney likes you. + + JEANIE + Oh, hey. That's exciting. A fat + fifty year old clod with B.O. + likes me. + + Jeanie shakes her head in disbelief. + + JEANIE + Would everybody be happier if + maybe I were to die in a flaming + car accident or something? + + FRIEND + Maybe if you didn't cat like and + asshole... + + JEANIE + Am I acting like an asshole? + + FRIEND + I didn't mean it that way. + + JEANIE + I this a conspiracy to shit all + over me or something? Is my brother + behind this? Tell me if he is or I'll + sock your tits. + + FRIEND + You really do have a problem, Jeanie. + + JEANIE + Me? I have a problem? + + FRIEND + Somebody who threatens to sock people's + tits has a problem. + + JEANIE + Alright. How about if I sock your + face? + + Jeanie's friend gets up. + + FRIEND + Take a walk, Jeanie. + + Her friend exits. + + JEANIE + (yells after her) + If it means anything to you, I + have my period! MY BODY'S RIDDING + ITSELF OF OLD EGGS, GODDAMN IT! + + She snarls and slumps against the lockers. + + JEANIE + He's gone. He's over. He's monkey meat. + +123 INT. MEN'S ROOM. CHEZ PAUL 123 + + Ferris is standing at the urinal. + + FERRIS + She's a person who views life as + an ordeal that must be endured. Her + body is a transport vehicle for her + anger. I don't know where she gets + this shit. Basically, the family's + pretty cool. + + He looks down at the urinal. + + FERRIS + I wonder if everybody shoots at + cigarette butts in urinals? Probably + not many women. + (continues) + I used to think that my family was + the only one that had weirdness + in it. It used to worry me. Then I + met Cameron and I saw how his + family functioned. + + He zips this trousers and steps away from the urinal. + + FERRIS + Cameron's home life is really shit. + He wasn't lying. That's why he's sick + all the time. It really upsets him. + What he said about his parents hating + each other? I refuse to sleep over at + his house. His parents fight all the + time. Even when I'm there. Is there + anything worse than being at somebody's + house when their parents are fighting? + It's the absolute height of social + discomfort. + + He checks his hair in the mirror. + + FERRIS + When they go after each other, Cameron + tightens up. It's scary. He gets so + wadded-up, you couldn't pry his buns + apart with a crowbar. The thing with + taking his old man's car? It's good + for him. It teaches him to deal with + his fear. Plus, and I must + be honest here, I love driving it. + I highly recommend picking one up. + + He exists the men's room. We hold a beat. A toilet flushes. + Another beat and Tom walks out of the stall. He crosses to + the sink. + +124 INT. RESTAURANT 124 + + Cameron and Sloane have been served their lunches. They're + staring at the plates. + + CAMERON + What is it? + + SLOANE + I don't know. But it looks like + it's already been eaten and digested. + + CAMERON + I knew it was a mistake letting + Ferris order for us. + + Ferris slides over to the table and drops into his seat. + + FERRIS + What are you doing? + + Cameron looks at Ferris. + + CAMERON + What is this shit? + + FERRIS + You got me. I don't speak French. + + He puts his napkin in his lap and smells his plate. + + FERRIS + I think it's a land-based beefoid + creature. + + He takes a bite. He savors the taste. + + FERRIS + Splendid. + + CAMERON + Really? + + FERRIS + Superb. + + Cameron and Sloane try theirs. They chew tentatively. + + FERRIS + Good? + + Sloane and Cameron shrug. It's not bad. A WAITER passes. + Ferris stops him. + + FERRIS + Yo, Clouseau! + + The waiter stops and looks at Ferris indignantly. + + FERRIS + I have a growth on my brain that + causes memory lapses. Could you + tell me what we ordered here? + + The waiter glances at the plates. + + WAITER + Sweetbreads. + + FERRIS + Uh, huh. And what might that be? + + WAITER + Pancreas. + + FERRIS + As in the gland that has important + functions in digestion and metabolism? + + CU. SLOANE AND CAMERON + + They stop chewing. They're holding their sweetbreads in their + mouths. + + CU. FERRIS + + He continues his questioning. + + FERRIS + ...That secretes a thick, colorless fluid + containing digestive enzymes? The home + of the world famous isles of Langerhans? + + CU. WAITER + + He nods broadly, knowing that he's spoiling the kids' meal. + + CU. SLOANE AND CAMERON + + They look at each other. + + CU. FERRIS + + He pats his mouth with his napkin. He looks to Cameron and + Sloane. He raises a finger, holds it a beat and gives a cue. + + CU. WAITER + + He turns away as Sloane and Cameron spit out their food. + + CU. FERRIS + + He watches Sloane and Cameron then glances at the waiter. + + FERRIS + Check, please! + +125 EXT. RESTAURANT 125 + + Tom and his two GUESTS are standing at the curb, talking. A + cab is waiting. The door's open. In the B.G. Ferris, Sloane + and Cameron come out of the restaurant. They approach the + cab. Tom's back it to Ferris. Ferris stops cold. + + FERRIS, SLOANE, CAMERON + + They turns on cue at Tom, now in the B.G., turns toward the + restaurant. + + FERRIS + 40,000 restaurants in the downtown + area and I pick the one my father + goes to. + + CAMERON + We're gonna get nabbed, for sure. + + FERRIS + No way, Cameron. Only the meek + get nabbed. The bold survive. + Let's go. + + He turns to the cab. Sloane and Cameron turn slowly. + + EXT. STREET. CAB + + Tom and his party are still jawing at curbside. Ferris, + Sloane and Cameron slowly approach the cab. Behind the backs + of the men, Ferris scoots Sloane into the cab. Cameron + dashes in. The Ferris hops the cab. + + INT. CAB + + Ferris slams the door. + + CU. CAB DOOR HANDLE + + A man's hand reaches for the handle as the cab pulls away. + + EXT. RESTAURANT + + Tom and his guests watch in bewilderment at their cab takes + off. MUSIC COMES UP. + +126 EXT. MUSEUM OR SCIENCE AND INDUSTRY 126 + + The grand old Chicago museum. + +127 INT. MUSEUM. OVERHEAD SHOT 127 + + The main gallery is crowded with school kids. + + INT. MUSEUM. FLOOR + + A class of kids walking along holding hands. Among the + second graders are Ferris, Sloane and Cameron, holding hands + looking like giant grade schoolers. + + INT. MUSEUM. DISPLAY CASE + + Baby chicks are hatching in a huge, round incubator. Sloane, + Ferris and Cameron are intently watching the process. + + INT. MUSEUM. COAL MINE + + Sloane, Ferris and Cameron ride in the coal train in the + coal mine replica. Ferris and Sloane are making out. + + INT. MUSEUM. INDUSTRIAL DISPLAY + + Sloane operates a metal press to produce a tin ashtray. + + INT. MUSEUM. HEART REPLICA + + A giant, walk-thru replica of a human heart. Ferris staggers + out of it, clutching his heart, feigning a massive heart + attack. + + INT. GERMAN U-BOAT + + Ferris is examining the controls of the captured U-Boat. He + checks to see if he's being watched then he presses a button + and pulls a lever. + + CU. PROPELLER + + For the first time in forty years, the screw turns. + + CU. HUMAN FETUS IN A BOTTLE + + The famous stages of life display which features bottled + fetuses. The ninth month. A tiny human being in a jar. + + CU. SLOANE, FERRIS, CAMERON + + Sloane wants to cry. Cameron's stomach is in his throat. + Ferris is lost in thought. The MUSIC ENDS. + + SLOANE + (remorsefully) + I wonder if he has a name? + + FERRIS + (blank) + Ninth Month. + +128 EXT. CHICAGO RIVER. LONG, HIGH SHOT 128 + + From the Merchandise Mart, looking down the fetid, green + swath of water. A boat is rolling up the man-made canyon. + + CAMERON (VO) + Are you guys worried about nuclear war? + + FERRIS (VO) + Cameron, it's a beautiful day, we've + won our freedom, we're traveling down + one of American's most scenic polluted + waterways and you have to bring up + nuclear war? + + SLOANE (VO) + It is kind of raggy subject, Cam. + + CAMERON (VO) + Regardless. It's with us every day. + The possiblity of global destruction. + + SLOANE (VO) + Don't you think it's an issue because + people need something to worry about? + They have to like, have some major + problem that puts all their little + bullshit into some kind of persepective? + + CAMERON (VO) + Maybe. + + FERRIS + They used to have Viet Nam. They + used to have the oil crisis stuff + and Iran. That's over and people + have to have their big issue. It's + not like somebody came up with the + nuclear holocaust yesterday at + noon, you know. + + SLOANE (VO) + To answer your question...No, I'm not + worried about it at all. + + FERRIS (VO) + We don't know when the bombs going + off. We do know, however, that college + starts in the fall. + + CAMERON (VO) + (dramatic, deadly serious) + Do you know what a nuclear winter is? + + Long beat. + + SLOANE (VO) + Yeah. Everybody's dead, it's real + cold and the skiing's for shit. + + The boat makes the turn in the river and CLEARS FRAME. + + EXT. BOAT DOCK + + The three are sitting on the aft deck of the tour boat. + Their feet are up on the railing. Very casual, very relaxed. + Discussing the end of the world. + + SLOANE + My step-father's always going off about + how when he was young he was committed to + all these causes. + + FERRIS + He's full of shit. All the old hippies + are full of shit. + + SLOANE + He says I don't care about things like + he did. + + FERRIS + What's he care about now? + + SLOANE + Baldness, fatty meats and money. + + FERRIS + I rest my case. + + CAMERON + What's spooky is they still control + everything. They took over when they + were young and they never gave it up. + + FERRIS + One of the most frightening experiences + of my young life has been observing + my parents and our neighbors playing + the Baby Boom Edition of Trivial Pursuits. + It's chilling to see people crazed with + the minutia of their past. + + CAMERON + It's human nature to like what you had + better than what you have. + + SLOANE + Agreed. + + A loud speaker on the boat identifies a point of interest. + + LOUDSPEAKER + TO YOUR LEFT IT THE WORLD'S TALLEST + BUILDING... + + The three look to the left. + + LOUDSPEAKER, FERRIS, + SLOANE, CAMERON + The Sears Tower. + + CAMERON + You know, this is all very interesting + but I'm starving. + + FERRIS + An hour ago you wanted to yack. + + CAMERON + I feel better now. + + FERRIS + Lean over and grab a fish. + + Cameron looks over the side of the boat. An obtuse thought + flashes through Sloane's brain. + + SLOANE + What comes after a nuclear winter? + + FERRIS + Nuclear spring. + +129 EXT. SCHOOL 129 + + Meanwhile... + +130 INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE DEAN'S OFFICE 130 + + Jeanie is having a small moral debate with herself. + + JEANIE + It's reprehensible to squeal on + your own flesh and blood...but it's + for his own good. His cavalier + attitude will get him into trouble + later in life...and it'll continue + to piss me off and I'll get so + wadded-up that it'll cause cervex cancer + and he'll ruin my life. Screw him. + + She slips into the Dean's outer office. + +131 INT. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE 131 + + Rooney's secretary is behind her desk. Jeanie walks in. The + secretary looks up and greets her with a weary smile. + + SECRETARY + Hello, Jeanie. Who's bothering + you now? + + Jeanie scowls at her. + + JEANIE + Is Dean Rooney in? + + SECRETARY + I'm sorry, he's out. Can I help you? + + JEANIE + (condescending) + I seriously doubt it. When's he back? + + SECRETARY + I don't know. He left the grounds + on personal business. + +132 EXT. STREET. CU. CURB 132 + + A car tire rolls into FRAME and stops. Slide across to the + sidewalk. Rooney's dress shoe steps out onto the pavement. + Move up to reveal Rooney standing at the door of his + bile-green LeBaron. Rooney peels off his shades and looks + around like he's Dirty Harry. In his mind he is Dirty Harry. + + CU. FIRE HYDRANT + + Rooney's dres shoe on the hydrant. He ties his lace and + pulls up his sock. + + EXT. STREET + + Rooney straightens his tie and jacket and slips into a rowdy + hot dog joint. + +133 INT. HOT DOG STAND 133 + + It's jammed with construction workers, secretaries, suburban + businessmen. It's loud and confusing. Rooney pushes his way + in and scopes the crowd. + + HIS POV + + A young person is playing a video game in a far corner. + + CU. ROONEY + + He suspects it's Ferris. It look sort of like Ferris. He + smiles and cuts into the crowd. + + CU. THE BACK OF THE VIDEO PLAYER'S HEAD + + MOVE IN on the player. + + ROONEY (OC) + I've been waiting a long time + for this. + + The player looks up. + + ROONEY (OC) + Your ass is mine. + + The player turns around. It's a GIRL. + + CU. ROONEY + + The blood evacuates his face. He stares at the girl. + + CU. GIRL + + She stares at him. She picks up her Coke. She puts the straw + to her lips and sucks. + + CU. ROONEY + + He's still staring. He can't think of anything to say. + + CU. GIRL + + Holding the straw in the mouth, she draws it out of the cup. + She raises it, pointing it directly in Rooney's face. + + CU. ROONEY + + He squints + + CU. GIRL + + She blows a strawful of Coke in Rooney's face. + + CU. NAPKIN HOLDER + + A hand yanks a napkin hold. + + INT. HOT DOG STAND. SERVICE COUNTER + + Rooney wipes his face. Behind him is the kitchen and a + grease-covered TV set broadcasting a Cubs baseball game. + There's a long foul ball. The TV camera follows the ball + into the stands. A kid makes a stab at the ball. Rooney + wipes his suit off. The TV camera zooms in on the boy + triumphantly holding the foul ball aloft. It's Ferris. + He does a little celebration dance. Rooney wads up the + napkin and tosses it in a trashbin. The TV camera returns to + the game. Rooney glances at the screen. + + ROONEY + What's the score? + + HOT DOG MAN + Zero to zero. + + ROONEY + Who's winning? + + HOT DOG MAN + Cubs. + + Rooney nods and exits. + +134 EXT. WRIGLEY FIELD. STANDS 134 + + Ferris sits down with the baseball. He shakes his stinging + paw. On either side of him are Cameron and Sloane. Cameron's + scarfing nachos. + + FERRIS + I think I broke my thumb. + + SLOANE + Can we leave now? + + FERRIS + You want to leave? We just got here. + + SLOANE + You got a call, you broke your thumb, + what's left to do? + + Cameron offers his nachos to Sloane. She looks at them with + disgust. + + SLOANE + No wonder you're always sick. + + Ferris leans back, puts his hands behind his head and turns + his face to the bright sun. + + FERRIS + Do you realize that if I played by + the rules, right now I'd be in gym? + +135 EXT. HIGH SCHOOL. PLAYING FIELD 135 + + A boy's gym class is doing laps. A blue Fiat pulls into the + shot. + +136 INT. FIAT 136 + + Jeanie's at the wheel. She sneaks a glance at the school. + + JEANIE + I can't believe my brother's making + me put myself in a position where I + could get expelled. Selfish little + moron. + (pause) + Ferris? You're overshadowed + me long enough. I'm gonna get + you, buddy. + + She puts the car in gear and drives out of the shot. + +137 EXT. STATE STREET 137 + + A parade is underway. Floats and politicians. Marching + bands, drum and bugle corps, soldiers, school kids. Figure + skating club in outfits and skates performing their routines + on pavement. It's GERMAN-AMERICAN APPRECIATION DAY. + + EXT. STATE STREET. FLOAT + + Riding atop on a float is Ferris. He's waving to the crowd. + He and half a dozen homely German-American Beauty Queens. + He's leading the girls in singing, "DANKE SHOEN". + + EXT. STATE STREET. SLOANE AND CAMERON + + They're watching Ferris go by. They wave to him. + + SLOANE + I love him. + + CAMERON + It's hard not to. + + Cameron breaks a smile. As worried as he is about the day + and getting caught, he has to admire Ferris for his lack of + inhabitions. Cameron mumbles a few words. + + CAMERON + Stop...water...want... + + SLOANE + Do you believe in reincarnation? + + CAMERON + Huh? + + SLOANE + Do you believe that you lived before? + + CAMERON + Yeah. Sort of. + + SLOANE + DO you ever wonder what you were? + + CAMERON + I don't have to wonder. I know. + + Sloane looks at him with amazement. + + CAMERON + I was a tractor tire. + + EXT. STATE STREET. FLOAT + + Ferris is on his knees, reaching down from the float, + shaking hands with people in the crowd. + + FERRIS + Guten tag, dude! + + EXT. STATE STREET + + Sloane and Cameron continue their conversation. + + CAMERON + What were you in a previous life? + + SLOANE + I'm not sure but I think I know + who Ferris was. + + CAMERON + Hannibal. + + SLOANE + From the A-Team? + + CAMERON + No. The guy who rode the elephants + into Switzerland. + + Sloane laughs at herself. They step out of the crowd and + head down the street in the direction the parade's heading. + + SLOANE + I think if he was anybody, he + was Magellan. You know, the guy + who went around the world. + + Cameron nods. + + SLOANE + I could see him ignoring popular + belief and taking off on some + impossible mission. + + CAMERON + Yeah. As long as I've known him, + everything works for him. There's + nothing he can't handle. I can't + handle anything. School, parents, + the future. Ferris can do anything. + + EXT. STATE STREET. FLOAT + + Ferris is playing "TWIST AND SHOUT" on the accordian. The + girls on the float are singing. + + FERRIS + WELL, SHAKE IT UP, BABY, NOW! + + GIRLS + SHAKE IT UP, BABY + + FERRIS + TWIST AND SHOUT! + + GIRLS + TWIST AND SHOUT! + + FERRIS + COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, BABY ON! + COME ON AND WORK IT ON OUT! + + GIRLS + WORK IT ON OUT! + + EXT. STREET. SLOANE AND CAMERON + + They continue their conversation. + + SLOANE + The future's worse for a boy, isn't + it? + + Cameron doesn't understand what she means. + + SLOANE + A girl can always bail out and + have a baby and get some guy + to support her. + + CAMERON + That's a pretty grim thought. + + SLOANE + True, but it's an option. No options + is worse. + + CAMERON + I don't know what I'm gonna do. + + SLOANE + College. + + CAMERON + Yeah, but to do what? + + SLOANE + What are you interested in? + + CAMERON + Nothing. + + SLOANE + Me either. + + They walk on for a few beats. We HEAR "TWIST AND SHOUT" + GROWING LOUDER AND LOUDER. The sons is taking over all the + other tunes in the band. It's infecting the entire parade. + + CAMERON + What do you think Ferris is gonna + do? + + EXT. STATE STREET. MARCHING BAND + + They're playing TWIST AND SHOUT. + + EXT. STREET. MOUNTED POLICE OFFICER + + He's singing. + + POLICE OFFICER + YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO GOOD! + + EXT. STREET. PUNKS + + A band of PUNKS are dancing on the roof of a news kiosk. + + PUNKS + LOOK SO GOOD! + + EXT. STREET MOTHER AND HER CHILDREN + + A WOMAN and her two TODDLERS sing along. + + WOMAN + YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO FINE! + + TODDLERS + LOOK SO FINE! + + EXT. STREET. BLACK TEENAGER + + He's wearing a shower cap and a maroon overcoat. + + TEENAGER + COME ON AND TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! + + EXT. STREET. OLD NEWSPAPER SELLER + + He singing along. + + NEWSPAPER SELLER + TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! + + EXT. STREET. CHOIR GROUP + + They're marching down the parade. They're singing in their + angleic voices. + + CHOIR + AND LET ME KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! + + EXT. STREET. STREET CLEANERS + + With their brooms ready... + + STREET CLEANERS + KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! + + EXT. STREET. DECK + + The entire parade is singing and playing "TWIST AND SHOUT". + + EXT. STREET. VIEWING STAND + + The POLITICIANS and their WIVES stand up. + + POLITICIANS AND WIVES + AH! + + EXT. STREET. VIEWING STAND + + The CLERGYMEN stand. + + CLERGYMEN + AH! + + EXT. STREET. VETERANS + + Marching in formation and in WWII uniforms. + + VETERANS + AH! + + EXT. STREET. FLOAT + + Ferris leads the Beauty Queens in the rousing finale. + + FERRIS + AH! + + EXT. STREET. WIDE AND HIGH + + The entire parade is at frenzy pitch. + + PARADE + AHHHHH! + + The SOUND OF THE VOICES blends with the SOUND OF A RED-LINED + HIGH PERFORMANCE ENGINE. + +138 EXT. CALUMET CITY 138 + + The Port of Chicago. Grim, gritty waterfront. Suddenly, + Cameron's father's car flies OVER CAMERA. Like the opening + shot in Star Wars. The Starship Ferrari. SLO-MO. + + CU. FERRARI UNDER-CARRIAGE + + It travels past to reveal a beautiful blue sky. SLO-MO. + + CU. PARKING ATTENDANT + + His eyes are wide with exhilaration. Mouth open, tongue out. + Maniac at the wheel. SLO-MO. + + CU. RASTAMAN + + His eyes are closed. Big smile. SLO-MO, + + EXT. STREETS. KIDS + + They're looking up in the air, following the car as it flies + over them. Broad, excited smiles. The car's shadow passes + over them. SLO-MO. + +139 CU. CAR GRILLE 139 + + It fills the frame and stops. We MOVE UP to reveal Rooney + behind the wheel of his car. + + EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE + + Rooney gets out of his car. He looks at the house, looks up + and down the street, then crosses to Ferris' house. + +140 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 140 + + Rooney's at the front door. We see him peek in a window at + the top of the door. The doorbell rings. + +141 INT. HOUSE. FERRIS' ROOM. COMPUTER 141 + + It acknowledges the doorbell. + + CU. CASSETTE PLAYER + + It clicks on. + +142 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT PORCH 142 + + The house intercom activates. We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE. + + FERRIS + Who is it? + + Rooney presses the intercom. + + ROONEY + This is Ed Rooney, Ferris. I'd + like to have a word with you. + + FERRIS' VOICE + I'm sorry I can't come to the door + right now. I'm very ill and I'm + afraid that in my weakened condition, + I could take a nasty spill down the + stairs and subject myself to further + school absenses. + + There's a pause. Rooney presses the intercom again. + + ROONEY + B.S. Come down here. + + FERRIS' VOICE + You can reach my parents at their + places of business. Thank you for + stopping by. I appreciate your concern + for my well-being. It will be remembered + long after this illness has past. + + His voice clicks off. Rooney presses the intercom again. + + ROONEY + I'm not leaving until you come + down and talk to me. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Have a nice day. + + Rooney presses the intercom. + + ROONEY + I'm not leaving, Ferris. + + There's no response. Rooney rings the doorbell again. The + pre-recorded litany starts over. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Who is it? + + Rooney doesn't realize that he's listening to a recording. + + ROONEY + Don't get smart with me Ferris! + + FERRIS' VOICE + I'm sorry I can't come to the door + right now. I'm very ill and I'm + afraid that in my weakened condition... + + Rooney leans back from the door. He can't quite figure out + what's going on. But's it's highly suspicious. + +143 INT. HOUSE. LIVING ROOM 143 + + Rooney steps through the hedges and peeks in the windows. We + HEAR FERRIS' VOICE inside. + + FERRIS' VOICE + You may reach my parents at their + places of business. + +144 INT. HOUSE. KITCHEN 144 + + Rooney tries to peak in the kitchen window. + + FERRIS' VOICE + I appreciate your conern for my + well-being. It will be remembered + long after... + +145 EXT. HOUSE. BACKDOOR 145 + + A black rubber doggie door. The type that allows a dog to + come and go as it pleases. Rooney is crouched down. He lifts + the doggie door and peeks in the house. + + HIS POV + + Along the kitchen floor. Through the kitchen, into the + dining room. We hear a LARGE DOG GROWL. + + CU. ROONEY + + He's peaking through the door. He hears the dog. His face + freezes. + + FERRIS + Have a nice day. + + EXT. HOUSE. DOGGIE DOOR + + A Rottweiler bursts through the doggie door in a fury of + gnashing teeth and foam. + +146 CU. LARGE BREASTS 146 + + Tassled pasties twirl like airplane propellers. + + CU. CAMERON, FERRIS AND SLOANE + + They're sitting in a booth in the garish, nearly deserted + strip joint. Cameron's mouth is open in amazement. Sloane is + embarrassed and revolted. + + CAMERON + How does she do that? One goes + one way, one goes the other. + + FERRIS + She's probably schizophrenic. + + SLOANE + Ferris, this is nauseating me. + Really. I'm losing respect for + you by the bucket. + + FERRIS + You don't think it's amazing that + we got in? + + SLOANE + Who wants to get in? + + FERRIS + Cameron looks like a toddler, for + Christ's sake. I'm talking about + a major achievement in false + identification. + + SLOANE + I'm not interested in watching + someone jiggle their mammary glands. + + FERRIS + Point well taken. But consider why + she does it. Why she does it and + you don't. + + SLOANE + I'm not a tramp. + + FERRIS + Maybe her life fell apart. Maybe she + lost somebody. A lover. A boyfriend. + A parent. A child... + (to CAMERA) + This kind of thing makes me a little + depressed. You may think because I'm + the age I am that I'm a sex maniac. + That sex is all I think about. + But that's not true. I'm a romantic. + I think alot of people my age are. + We think about love and matters of + the heart. And SAT scores and acne + aside, we worry about lonliness. It's + a terrible thing. And we feel it. I + feel it. + + He flips his collar up, curls his lip and affects an Elvis + impression. A sappy, do-wop track FADES UP. The club lights + go down. Cameron and Sloane disappear into darkness. Ferris + stands up from the booth. He strolls slowly through the + empty club as the stripper bumps and grinds in a pool of + blue light. + + FERRIS + You know, someone said the world's a + stage and each must play a part. + Fate had me playing in love, with you + as my sweetheart. Act one was when we + met. I loved you at first glance. You + read your lines so cleverly and never + missed a cue. Then came act two. You + seemed to change. You acted strange. + And why, I've never known. + + He climbs up on the little runway. The stripper disappears + in darkness as Ferris takes over the spotlight. + + FERRIS + Honey, you lies when you said you + loved me and I had no cause to + doubt you. But I'd rather go on + hearing your lies than to go on + living without you. Now, the stage + is bare and I'm standing there with + emptiness all around and if you won't + come back to me, then they can bring + the curtain down... + + Elvis fades up. The orignal recording. Ferris lip synchs + with the big, dramatic florish that was the King's trademark + ballad sign-off. + + ELVIS + IS YOUR HEART FILLED WITH PAIN? + SHALL I COME BACK AGAIN? + TELL ME DEAR, ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT? + + Ferris drops his head. Like the King would. + +147 EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET. CAMERON'S CAR 147 + + Cameron's father is looking at the car. He's studying it. It + looks terribly familiar. He leans into the open car and + reaches for the glovebox to see if the contents will confirm + if it's his. He freezes. He looks up slowly. + + HIS POV + + The Attendant and the Rastaman are glowering at him. They're + holding bags of fried chicken. + + ATTENDANT + You looking for something in my + car? + + CU. CAMERON'S FATHER + + He shakes his head, no. + + CAMERON'S FATHER + No. + +148 EXT. FERRIS' TOWN. JEANIE 148 + + Jeanie's standing at her car. She's staring incredulously + into the distance. Her mouth's open. She's shaking her head + slowly. + + HER POV + + Spray-painted on the town water tower in gigantic black + letters -- SAVE FERRIS BUELLER. + + CU. JEANIE + + She's furious. + + JEANIE + I'm gonna microwave his nuts... + +149 EXT. MICHIGAN AVENUE 149 + + Afternoon traffic. + +150 INT. TAXI CAB 150 + + Ferris, Sloane and Cameron in the backseat of a checker. + Ferris is on one window, Cameron on the other. Sloane's in + the middle. Ferris is talking to the DRIVER. + + FERRIS + So... + + He leans forward and reads the driver's name off the city + license. + + FERRIS + So, Yuri, how long have you been + in America? + + DRIVER + One year. + + FERRIS + What's your overall impression? + + DRIVER + It's very good here. + + FERRIS + Better than Russia? + + DRIVER + Much better here than in Russia. + + FERRIS + Clearly you've never been to an + American high school. + + Ferris sits back. He puts his arm around Sloane. + + CAMERON + It's getting late, Ferris. I have + to get the car home. I know you + don't care, but it means my ass. + + FERRIS + You think I don't care? + + CAMERON + I know you don't care. + + FERRIS + That hurts, Cameron. + + SLOANE + Jump back, Ferris, Cameron's been + a good sport. + + FERRIS + Cameron, what'd you see today? + + Cameron looks at him. + + FERRIS + You saw four states, a submarine, + a giant heart, seventy five dollars + worth of cooked pancreas, two of the + most incredible breasts ever to come + out of modern plastics, major + league baseball and... + (quizical look) + Are you gonna chuck your nachos? + + Cameron's staring past Ferris. He's frozen. Ferris realizes + he's looking at something out the window. He turns. He + freezes. + + HIS POV + + In the gridlock traffic, their cab is squeezed tight + alongside another cab. In that cab is Tom. He's about a foot + from Ferris. He turns and looks right into CAMERA. + + TOM'S POV + + Ferris' frozen face. + + FERRIS' POV + + Tom glances back at his paper. He pauses. Looks up. Thinks. + Turns back to CAMERA. + + TOM'S POV + + Sloane is sitting where Ferris was. She's wearing + sunglasses, looking bored. She turns and glances out the + window. Fakes a yawn. + + HER POV + + Tom stares at her. He's baffled. He looks away. + + INT. CAB. FLOOR. + + Cameron and Ferris are on the floor. On their asses, with + their backs to the back of the front seat, feet up on the + seat. + + FERRIS + (to Sloane) + What's he doing? + + SLOANE + (revolted) + He's looking at me and he's licking + the glass and making obscene gestures + with his hands. + + FERRIS + What?! + + Sloane bursts out laughing. + + SLOANE + Roast! + + She licks her finger and touches Ferris knee. She makes a + sizzling sound. She collapes on the seat in hysterics. + + INT. TOM'S CAB + + Tom's looking into Ferris' cab. + + HIS POV + + Sloane's bouncing up and down. + + CU. TOM + + He can't quite figure out what's going on. He turns and + slowly raises his newspaper over his face. We see on the + back of the paper a small story with the headline: COMMUNITY + RALLIES AROUND SICK YOUTH. + +151 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE. BACKYARD. DOG 151 + + The Rottweiler's chewing on a shoe. Tearing it apart. + + EXT. BACKYARD. ROONEY + + He's standing outside the fence. He's missing a shoe. His + suit pants are torn from the crotch to the knee. His suit + coat pocket is torn off. His hair's messed and there're + grass-stains on his knees and elbows. He's looking in at the + dog. + + ROONEY + That's a $28.00 dress shoe, you + worthless mutt! + + HIS POV + + The Rottweiler leaps at CAMERA. + +152 EXT. CITY STREET 152 + + Ferris is leading the way down Michigan Avenue. He's + hustling through the crowd. He has Sloane by the hand. She's + jogging to keep up. Cameron's a few steps behind. He keeps + bumping into people. Ferris and Sloane make the turn at + Wacker Driver and disappear into the Stone Container + Building. Cameron follows, mumbling again. + + CAMERON + Money...tits...please... + +153 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT 153 + + A florist truck pulls up in front of the house. A DELIVERY + MAN gets out iwth a huge floral arrangement. He heads up to + the house. + +154 EXT. HOUSE. PORCH 154 + + Rooney's sitting on the porch patting a bloody knee with his + handkerchief. The delivery man hops up on the steps. Rooney + looks up at him. He greets Rooney cheerily. + + DELIVERY MAN + Howdy! + + He presses the doorbell. A beat and we hear Ferris' + recording. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Who is it? + + The Deliver Man presses the intercom. + + DELIVERY MAN + Focus on Flowers. I have a delivery. + + FERRIS' VOICE + I'm sorry but I can't come to the + door right now. I'm very ill and I'm + afraid... + + ROONEY FERRIS' VOICE + It's a recording, asshole. ...that in my weakened + condition, I could take a + DELIVERY MAN nasty spill and subject + What's your problem? myself to further school + absenses... + ROONEY (pause) + He's one of my students. You can reach my parents + at their places of + DELIVERY MAN business. Thank you for + Little bugger's dying. stopping by. I appreciate + your concern for my well- + ROONEY being. It will be + What? remembered long after + this illness has passed. + + DELIVERY MAN + As I heard it from our mailman + he was supposedly born with only + half a kidney. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Have a nice day. + + DELIVERY MAN + (to the intercom) + Thank you. + (continues) + I don't know the details. But my + boss had to send to Milwaukee to + get more orchids. He's very + popular. + + Rooney is flabbergasted. + + DELIVERY MAN + Nobody's home here? + + ROONEY + No. + + DELIVERY MAN + You gonna be around for awhile? + + ROONEY + I imagine so. + + DELIVERY MAN + You wanna keep an eye on these? + + Rooney looks at the flowers. Then he looks at the Delivery + Man. + + DELIVERY MAN + (happy sigh) + It really touches me that so many people + are rallying behind this guy. I guess + there's hope for the human race afterall. + + He hands the arrangement to Rooney. + + DELIVERY MAN + Gotta run. + + He bounds off the porch and trots to the truck. Rooney looks + incredulously at the arrangement. He opens the attached + card. + + ROONEY + (defeated) + Oh, Christ... + + CU. CARD + + It's signed: + + ALL OUR BEST FOR A SPEEDY RECOVERY + THE ENGLISH DEPT. FACULTY AND STAFF + +155 INT. RADIO STATION STUDIO 155 + + The number one afternoon FM rock'n roll D.J. is sitting + behind his microphone. + + D.J. + I don't know who that was or + what they were playing but I + apologize for it nonetheless. + (pause) + I have a guest with me today... + +156 INT. STUDIO. FERRIS 156 + + He put his headphones on. + +157 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 157 + + Jeanie's car pull in the driveway. We hear her car radio. + + D.J. + His name is Ferris Mueller. + + FERRIS + Bueller. Ferris Bueller. + + INT. CAR. JEANIE + + She goes into shock. Her eyes blink, her head cocks. + + D.J. + Sorry about that. + + FERRIS + It's cool. + + Jeanie draws back and punches out her radio. + + CU. CAR ANTENNA + + The impact of her blow to the radio shoots the antenna in + the air. + +158 INT. STUDIO 158 + + Ferris leans forward and adjusts the microphone. + + D.J. + He has an incredible story. + + Ferris turns to CAMERA. + + FERRIS + I'm going to tell a massive lie here. + It's going to by very thick and very + steamy. I think radio's a facinating + medium, it challenges the imagination. + Unlike television which provides the + images, radio... + (pause) + You know this. Anyway, it's always been + a dream of mine to be on the radio. + I have what I consider to be an excellent + broadcast voice. I practise it in the + bathroom all the time. I used to play + records and do introductions to them. + But I've never had the chance to sit + behind a microphone and try it out + for real. This is a 50,000 watt outlet. + I'm going out to several million people + so let me just say, I'm in a very pleasant + groove right now. + (clears his voice, + speaks into the + mike, affects a + "radio" voice) + Well, Steve, you and your listeners are + probably not going to believe this but... + +159 INT. SCHOOL 159 + + A group of kids are sitting around a blaster. + + FERRIS' VOICE + ...I'm the first Chicago area youth + to be selected to participate in + a space shuttle mission. + +160 INT. STUDIO 160 + + Ferris turns from the mike to CAMERA. + + FERRIS + I was going to say I knew Springsteen's + home phone number and I was going + to give out the number of the New + Jersey State Police but I thought I + might get busted. After I got flunked + in driver's ed for sideswiping a mail + box, which was not in any way, shape + or from my fault. I was putting out a + cigarette, like I was told. It was weird. + I'm so used to getting in a car and + lighting up, because I'm not allowed to + smoke at home, that I got in the driver's + ed. car and spaced completely, pulled out + of the lot, lit up a 'boro and Mrs. Heller + looked at me like I'd just pulled a bunny + out of my nose or something and I realized + what the hell I was doing and I went to + put it out and hit the mail box. Anyway, + I was so pissed off at her reaction to + the whole thing that I considered running + an ad in a sleaze magazine for a school + teacher that does phone sex and I was gonna + use Mrs. Heller's home number but is cost + too much. I took it again and passed. But + I had to work at Burger King to get the + cash to pay for the driver's ed. car. The + car got fixed in auto shop for nothing and + I think Rooney pocketed the cash. But I + can't prove it? I'm in high school, remember? + + He turns back to the DJ. + + D.J. + How did you get picked for this. + + FERRIS + It's kind of a long story but I've + been doing alot of programming for + NASA. + +161 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 161 + + A even larger group of kids is listening to the blaster. + They're cheering him on. + +162 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE. BACKYARD 162 + + The Rottweiler is laying unconscious on the lawn. The flower + arrangement is scattered all over the yard and the ceramic + vase the flowers were in has obviously struck the dog. The + broken pieces are all around the dog's head. + + EXT. FERRIS HOUSE. BACKYARD. ROONEY + + He's smiling with great satisfaction. + + ROONEY + Sleep tight, pooch. + + He hears something in the house. His head snaps around. He + drops down and peek in the windows. + + HIS POV + + A glimpse of a fleeting figure. + + CU. ROONEY + + His eyes dance in anticipation of revenge. + +163 INT. HOUSE. FERRIS' ROOM 163 + + Jeanie kicks the door open. The yardstick flings the covers + and the pillows beneath them in the air. She stomps in and + turns off the snoring synthesizer. + + JEANIE + I knew it! + + She grabs the phone and sits down. She dials a number. + +164 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT 164 + + Rooney sneaks around the side of the house. He slinks up on + the porch. The front door's open. He peeks in. + +165 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 165 + + Jeanie's on the phone. + + JEANIE + Is Mrs. Bueller there? Where is she? + This is her daughter. Do you know where + she is? Do you know when she'll be back? + Do you know anything? + + She slams the phone down. + + JEANIE + The worm has luck like clams + have body odor... + + She's startled by a noise downstairs. A smile spreads across + her face. He's back and she's going to nail him. + +166 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 166 + + Rooney sneaks into the house. He looks around the foyer and + heads into the kitchen. + +167 INT. HOUSE. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY 167 + + Jeanie tiptoes down the stairs. + +168 INT. HOUSE. KITCHEN 168 + + Rooney sneaks through the kitchen into the den. + +169 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 169 + + Jeanie comes down the stairs into the foyer. + +170 INT. HOUSE. KITCHEN 170 + + Rooney comes out of the den, back into the kitchen. He + crosses back toward the foyer. + +171 INT. FOYER 171 + + Jeanie sneaks into the kitchen. + +172 INT. KITCHEN 172 + + Jeanie and Rooney come face-to-face. Jeanie squeals in + horror. She doesn't recognize Rooney as himself but as an + intruder. She drops into a karate stance and kicks Rooney in + the face. He hits the deck. She flees back up the stairs. + +173 INT. CAR 173 + + Boyd is sitting in the backseat of Joyce's car listening to + the radio. + + FERRIS' VOICE + My input on the Star Wars defense + plan was pretty substantial so I + guess this is their way of rewarding + me. I'm pretty flattered. + + EXT. CAR + + Joyce and her clients leave a show house and head toward the + car. + + INT. CAR + + Boyd looks out the window as his parents and Joyce appear. + + D.J. VOICE + Can you stay around and take a few + phone calls? + + FERRIS' VOICE + I'd really like to but I have a kidney + operation in about an hour. + + EXT. CAR + + Joyce and her clients take one last look at the house. + + JOYCE + If you're willing to commit a + little time and a little money + to this place, you can really + have something to be proud of. + Don't let the black living room + throw you off. + + She opens the car door. + + INT. CAR + + The door opens. + + D.J. VOICE + I wish you the best of luck. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Thanks, Steve. + + D.J. VOICE + A very interesting guy, Ferris Bueller. + + Joyce gets in. The clients get in the other side. A song + starts. + + JOYCE + (to the kid) + Well, Boyd, how are you bearing + up? + + The kid stares at her. + + JOYCE + Did I tell you I have a son + your age? + + BOYD + Twice. + + JOYCE + His name is Ferris. I think you'd + like him. + + Boyd sits up in the seat at the mention of Ferris' name. + + BOYD + Is he going up in the space shuttle + in September? + + Joyce looks around at Boyd. She gives him a curious look. + + JOYCE + Not that I know of. + + BOYD + I knew he was bullshitting. + + MOTHER + Watch your mouth. + + BOYD + How do you watch your mouth? + + JOYCE + Do you know my son? + + FATHER + Don't pay any attention to him. + He thinks it's cute to bait adults. + + BOYD + I don't think it's cute. I think + it's fun. + + Joyce give him a puzzled smile and starts the car. + +174 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 174 + + Jeanie's on the phone. She's in a panic. + + JEANIE + This is not a phoeny phone call. There's + an intruder, male caucasian, possibly armed, + certainly weird, in our kitchen. + (pause) + My name is Bueller. + + There's another pause. Jeanie's face drops. + + JEANIE + It's real nice that you hope my + brother's feeling better but I'm + in danger, okay? I'm very cute, + I'm very alone and I'm very + protective of my body. I'd rather + not have it violated or killed. + I need help! + +175 INT. KITCHEN 175 + + Rooney's plugging his bloody nose with paper towel. The + intercom goes on. + + JEANIE'S VOICE + Excuse me. If whoever's in the house + is still in the house, I'd like you + to know that I have just called the police. + If you have any brains whatsoever, you'll + get your ass out of my house real quick. + + Rooney stiffens with fear. + + JEANIE'S VOICE + I'd also like to add that I have + my father's gun. And a scorching + case of herpes. + +176 EXT. STREET 176 + + Rooney's car is hooked to a tow truck. It's parked in front + of a fire hydrant and the windshield is decorated with + parking citations. In the distance SIRENS WAIL. + +177 EXT. PARKING LOT 177 + + The three are waiting for the Ferrari. We HEAR TIRES + SQUEALING, AN ENGINE REVING-OUT. Then the Ferrari pulls down + the ramp and jams to a frightening stop. A BLACK GUY jumps + out. Ferris hands him the parking stub. + + FERRIS + Just out of curiosity, what was + your top speed coming down the + ramp? + + BLACK GUY + (matter-of-fact) + About 60. + + FERRIS + Stunning! + + He hands him a buck and opens the door and pulls the + passenger seat forward for Cameron. + + FERRIS + This is probably the last time you'll + have to ride back here. Keep that in + mind. + + Cameron gives him a look and squeezes in. + +178 EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET 178 + + The Ferrari cruises through traffic. + + INT. FERRARI + + Sloane's in the passenger seat. Ferris is driving and + Cameron is crammed in the back. + + SLOANE + What's next. + + CAMERON + Nothing. We return the car. + + SLOANE + We could go to my house. My parents + aren't coming home until late. + + FERRIS + We have enough cash left for a quick + flight to Peoria and back. + + CAMERON + Very funny. + + Ferris looks in the mirror and changes lanes. He glances + down at the speedometer, then to the road. And back to the + speedometer. + + FERRIS + Cameron? How many miles did you + say this thing had when we left? + + CAMERON + One hundred and twenty six and + halfway between three and four + tenths. Why? How many miles are + on it now? + + He glances down at the speedometer. + + CU. SPEEDOMETER + + The odometer reads 432.7. + + FERRIS + (to CAMERA) + Here's where Cameron goes berserk. + + EXT. TRAFFIC + + The Ferrari pulls up at a stop light. We HEAR A THUNDERING, + MUFFLED SCREAM. + + EXT. EXPRESSWAY + + The Ferrari is buzzing through traffic. + + INT. FERRARI + + Sloane turns in her seat and looks at Cameron. Her gesture + is one of genuine support. + + SLOANE + You okay? + + CU. CAMERON + + His eyes are frozen in a mindless, vacant stare. + + CU. FERRIS + + He looks at Sloane. He's concerned. + + FERRIS + Hey, Cameron. It's okay. We'll fix + it. + + CU. CAMERON + + He's still holding the stare. He starts to breathe heavily. + He's trembling. + + CU. SLOANE + + She whips around in the seat and grabs his arms. + + SLOANE + Cameron! Cut it out! What's + wrong?! Ferris! + + CU. FERRIS + + He shoots Sloane a look. + + FERRIS + Cameron, are you okay? It's + no problem, really. Your old + man won't know a thing. It's + completely fixable. + + INT. FERRARI + + Sloane fires an angry look at Ferris. + + SLOANE + Shut-up! It is a problem! For + him it's a problem. Nothing's + a problem for you. But it's + a problem for him! So, just + shut-up. + + She turns back to Cameron. + + SLOANE + What can I do, Cameron? + + CU. FERRIS + + Eyes front. He knows what he's doing. + +179 INT. FERRIS' HOUSE. FOYER 179 + + The doorbell rings. The Ferris' tape is activated. + + FERRIS VOICE + Who is it? + + We hear a MALE VOICE over the intercom. + + VOICE + Anybody home? + + FERRIS' VOICE + I'm sorry that I can't come to + the door right now... + + The tape continues as Jeanie hurtles down the stairs. + + JEANIE + I'm saved! Thank you, God! + Thank you, thank you, thank you! + + She jumps the last few stairs and slides to the front door. + She whips it open. + +180 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT DOOR 180 + + The door swings open. + + JEANIE + Thank...you... + + Her jaw goes slack. She blinks her eyes. + + HER POV + + The Delivery Man and a young ASSISTANT are standing at the + door with floral arrangements. Spread all around them are + more flowers. A sexy singing NURSE and a BALLOON MAN steps + up on the porch. + + NURSE + (sings) + WE HOPE YOU'RE FEELING BETTER + WE HOPE YOU'RE FELLING FIT + WE... + + The door slams shut. + +181 EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET 181 + + Rooney's walking down the street. A school bus is crawling + alongside him as kids hang out the windows. From inside we + hear SHOUTING and seventeen different SONGS PLAYING ON + BLASTERS. A top forty montage. + + KID + Hey, Mr. Rooney! What're you doing? + + Rooney doesn't respond. + + ANOTHER KID + Did you get in a fight? + + Rooney keep walking. The bus doors open. The DRIVER calls + out to him. + + DRIVER + You want a lift? + + Rooney takes a few more steps. He stops. The bus stops. + Rooney takes a deep breath. He climbs aboard the bus. + +182 INT. BUS 182 + + The bus is jammed with WONKS and WEINERETTES. The passengers + are silent as they watch Rooney shuffle down the aisle and + take an empty seat next to a skinny, myopic GIRL. + + CU. GIRL + + She looks at Rooney and smiles. She pushes her Coke bottle + glasses up on her nose. + + CU. ROONEY + + He looks vacantly at her. + + CU. GIRL + + She holds her smile. + + GIRL + I'll bet you never smelled a + real school bus before. + + CU. ROONEY + + He stares at her. + + CU. GIRL + + She holds up a candy package. + + GIRL + Gummi Bear? + + CU. ROONEY + + He stares at her. + + CU. GIRL + + She puts one in her mouth. + + GIRL + They've been in pocket. They're + real soft and warm. + + CU. BOY + + A rotund FRESHMAN BOY sitting across from Rooney is staring + at him. + + CU. ROONEY + + He looks across to the kid. + + CU. BOY + + He leans forward. + + FRESHMAN BOY + It's kind of like being in the + belly of the beast isn't it? + + CU. ROONEY + + He turns him eyes to the front. The bus jerks forward and + pulls away. + +183 EXT. BUS 183 + + It grinds through the gears as it heads down the quiet + street. The BLASTERS go back on, the SHOUTING RESUMES. + +184 EXT. PARK 184 + + Cameron's laying on a picnic table. Sloane's sitting beside + him on the table. She's stroking his hair. Ferris WALKS INTO + THE FOREGROUND. He addresses CAMERA. + + FERRIS + This may very well be for real. I + think Cameron might have blown a + micro-chip or two. He's always been + a little keyed-up. All I wanted to do + was give him a good day. We're + gonna graduate in a couple of months. + Then we have the summer. He'll work + and I'll work. And we'll see each + other at night and on the weekends + but then he'll go to one school and I'll + go to another. And basically that'll + be it. As much as we like each other, + the process of growing up will + separate us. + + He begins to walk. We follow him. + + FERRIS + Sloane's a bigger problem. She still + has another year of high school. How + do I deal with that? I was serious when + I said I'd marry her. I would. This isn't + just teenage infatuation. That's what my + parents call it. What do they call what they + have? If that's love, I'll take infatuation. + + CU. CAMERON + + His eyes are closed. Sloane's stroking his hair. + + FERRIS (VO) + Cameron's never been in love. At + least no one's ever been in love + with him. He's gonna marry the first + girl he lays. And she's gonna treat + him like shit because he's gonna + kiss her ass for giving him what he's + built-up in his mind as the end-all, + be-all of human existance. She won't + respect him because you can't respect + someone who kisses your ass. It just + doesn't work. + + CU. SLOANE + + She's studying Cameron's face. She looks away. + + SLOANE + Ferris? + + CU. FERRIS + + He looks to the picnic table. Then back to CAMERA. + + FERRIS + I'm being tested here. + + He starts back to the picnic table. + + FERRIS + My best friend has flipped-out. + Conventional wisdom would suggest + a visit to the nearest trauma + center. I wouldn't fault anybody + for doing that. My, personally, + I think this calls for something + new, something bold, something wet + and wild. + +185 CU. JACUZZI JET 185 + + UNDERWATER SHOT. A hyrdojet spews a gush of air bubbles. + + CU. BLASTER + + A finger pushes the PLAY button on the cassette. MUSIC COMES + UP. + + CU. BEER CAN LID + + The finger pops a beer. + + CU. OREO PACKAGE + + A painted fingernail pierces the cellophane wrapper. + + INT. JACUZZI + + Ferris and Sloane are in Sloane's parents' Jacuzzi. Their + clothes are tosssed around the deck. Cameron's been placed + in a patio chair at the edge of the Jacuzzi. He's still + catatonic. He's mummbling softly. Ferris is drinking a beer. + Sloane's eating Oreos. + + FERRIS + You feeling any better, Cameron? + + SLOANE + The water's really nice. I wish + you'd come in. + + CU. CAMERON + + Staring into space. + + CAMERON + Surgery...fire...move... + + CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS + + They look at each other. She offers him a cookie. He offers + her his beer. + + FERRIS + Cameron? Do you think this because + of the car or is it a combination + of everything shitty in your life? + + CU. CAMERON + + He doesn't respond. + + CAMERON + Music...kiss...attack... + + CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS + + Sloane sips the beer. + + FERRIS + You just can't deal with anymore + shit? The car took you into the + red zone? Time for a reality check? + + SLOANE + Cameron? I could flip real easy, too. + There's nothing wrong with it. At one + time or another, everybody goes to + the zoo. + + FERRIS + Maybe he was actually sick. Maybe + he wasn't bullshitting himself. + + CU. CAMERON + + No response. + + CAMERON + Gesundheit...God...mercy... + + EXT. BACKYARD + + Ferris and Sloane watch their catatonic friend. + + CU. CAMERON + + He smiles. + + CU. SLOANE + + She leans forward and stares at Cameron. + + CU. FERRIS + + He cocks his head, wondering what Cameron's up to. + + CU. CAMERON + + He keels over forward. + + EXT. BACKYARD + + Cameron falls out of the chair and splashes down, + face-first, into the water. Sloane screams. Ferris leaps for + him. + + UNDERWATER + + Ferris struggles with Cameron's lifeless bulk. + + CU. SLOANE + + She's screaming. Ferris thrashes around in the water. + + UNDERWATER + + Ferris grabs Cameron's collar and rips him out of the water. + + EXT. BACKYARD + + Ferris sits Cameron on the edge of the Jacuzzi. + + FERRIS + CAMERON! + + CU. CAMERON + + His eyes are closed. He's lifeless. + + CU. FERRIS + + His face is a mask of terror. He shakes Cameron. + + CU. SLOANE + + She's screaming. + + CU. CAMERON + + A smile spreads across his face. + + CU. FERRIS + + He sees the smile. He stops shaking Cameron. + + EXT. JACUZZI + + Ferris and Cameron are looking at each other. Sloane's still + screaming. She realizes that Cameron's okay. She stops + screaming. + + SLOANE + What? + + FERRIS + (Cameron) + You asshole! + + Cameron's smiling. + + SLOANE + What? + + Ferris starts to laugh. Cameron explodes with laughter. + Sloane's bewildered. + + SLOANE + What's so funny? + +186 INT. POLICE STATION. WAITING ROOM 186 + + Jeanie's sitting on a wooden bench with a WASTED TEENAGE BOY + in a Triumph t-shirt, long hair, torn jeans, creepers, studs + and chains. He's studying her. + + BOY + Drugs? + + JEANIE + No, thank you. I'm straight. + + BOY + I meant, are you here for drugs? + + Jeanie stares at him. + + JEANIE + Why are you here? + + BOY + Drugs. + + JEANIE + I don't know why I'm here. + + BOY + Then why don't you go home? + + JEANIE + Why don't you put your thumb + up your butt? + + The boy stares at her. + + BOY + You want to talk about your problem? + + JEANIE + With you? Are you serious? + + BOY + Yeah, I'm serious. + + JEANIE + Blow yourself. + + Jeanie turns away. The boy crosses his legs. Jeanie looks + back at him. + + JEANIE + You really want to know what's wrong? + + The boy shrugs. + + JEANIE + Alright. If you've got the time, + I've got the troubles. In a nutshell, + I hate my brother. How's that? + + BOY + That's cool. Did you shoot him or + something? + + JEANIE + No, not yet. + + The boy nods. He understands the emotion. + + JEANIE + I went home to confirm that the + shithead was ditching school and + a guy broke into the house and I + called the cops and they picked me + up for making a phoney phone call. + + BOY + What do you care if your brother + ditches school? + + Jeanie stares at the boy. + + JEANIE + Why should he get to ditch school + when everybody else has to go? + + BOY + You could ditch. + + JEANIE + I'd get caught. + + BOY + So, you're pissed at him because + he ditches and doesn't get caught? + + JEANIE + Basically. + + The boy nods knowingly. + + BOY + Then your problem is you. + + JEANIE + Excuse me? + + BOY + Excuse you. You oughta spend a little + more time dealing with yourself and + a little less time worrying about + what your brother does. It's just + an opinion. + + Jeanie stares angrily at him. Partly because he's so bold + and partly because he's so right. + + BOY + There's somebody you should talk + to. + + Jeanie stares at him threateningly. + + JEANIE + If you say Ferris Bueller, you lose + a testicle. + + BOY + You know him? + + CU. JEANIE'S HAND + + It curls into a fist. + +187 CU. FERRARI TIRE 187 + + It's spinning rapidly. + + CY. ACCELERATOR + + A brick's resting on the accelerator, holding it down. + + INT. CAMERON'S GARAGE + + Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the garage. The + Ferrari is jacked up. The wheels are turning. The engine's + racing. + + CAMERON + The whole time I was just thinking + things over. I was like, meditating. + I was thinking about the future. + And I realized it doesn't make + and difference if the present + goes to shit. + + FERRIS + I have a agree with you there. + + SLOANE + Really. + + CAMERON + I've been thinking all day that if + you could only have the use of one + word, what would it be? + + FERRIS + Sloane is naked before your eyes and + you're thinking about words? + + SLOANE + God bless you, Cameron. + + CAMERON + Thank you, Sloane. + + CAMERON + If you guys only had one word, what + would it be? + + FERRIS + I can't believe you'd think up something + like with a naked girl in a jacuzzi + right in front of you. + + SLOANE + Come on, Ferris, answer his question. + + FERRIS + Bathroom. + + SLOANE + I'd say... + + She thinks. + + FERRIS + Cash. + + CAMERON + It's the only word you could + ever use. + + FERRIS + Hello. + + SLOANE + Love. + + FERRIS + And what is you loathe somebody? + Are you going to say "love" every + time you see them? + + SLOANE + It's better than "hello". + + FERRIS + Hellos' generic. + + SLOANE + You wanna be generic? + + CAMERON + It's help. + + Cameron smiles at his wisdom. Ferris and Sloane think about + it. It's a good choice. Cameron gets up and walks to the + Ferrari. + + CAMERON + The word is help. + + Cameron peeks in the window. + + CU. ODOMETER + + Nothing's happening. + + INT. GARAGE + + Cameron pulls his head out of the car. + + CAMERON + Ferris? It's not working. + + Ferris looks up. + + CAMERON + The miles aren't coming off, running + it in reverse. + + FERRIS + I thought that might be a problem. + Let's crack open the odometer and + roll it back by hand. + + Cameron shakes his head. + + CAMERON + I got a better idea. It's cool. + + He walks back around behind the Ferrari. + + CAMERON + Seventeen years and I've never + taken a stand. Now, I'm gonna + do it. I'm taking a stand against + my father, against my family, + against myself, against my past, + my present and my future. I will + not sit idly by as events that affect + me unfold to change the course of + my life. I will take a stand and I + will defend it. When my father comes + home tonight, he's finally going + to have to deal with me. Good or + bad, I'm taking a stand. + + CU. FERRIS + + He turns to CAMERA. + + FERRIS + This is a big U-2 fan. + + CU. SLOANE + + She smiles proudly at Cameron. She applauds him. + + CU. CAMERON + + He's serious and determined. He has made up his mind and it + appears that it won't be changed by anyone but himself. + + CU. TIRES + + It's spinning wildly. + + CU. MERCEDES BUMPER + + Cameron's foot rests on the bumper. A beat and it gives a + mighty shove. + + CU. TIRE + + The spinning tires slam down on the cement. + + INT. GARAGE + + Cameron has kicked the Ferrari off the jack. It squeals out + of the garage in a cloud of blue tire smoke. A $50,000 + unmanned investment heading backwards down a driveway. + + CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS + + They're in shock. + + EXT. HOUSE + + The Ferrari shoots down the driveway. + + INT. GARAGE + + Cameron watches the car go. He's strangely placcid about the + impending disaster. Ferris and Sloane are bewildered. + + THEIR POV + + The Ferrari travels down the driveway, across the street, + over the curb into the wooded property opposite the house. + + CU. TREE + + The Ferrari's brief journey ends as it smacks a tree trunk. + + INT. GARAGE + + Ferris and Sloane exchange baffled looks. They look at + Cameron. He's proud and bold. + + FERRIS + What was that about? + + SLOANE + This has to be a dream. + + FERRIS + Cameron? One quick question. + Why'd you do that? + + Cameron holds his proud posture for a beat. Then a look of + bewilderment comes over his face. He shoots a look to + Ferris. A puzzled look. + + FERRIS + You trashed the car. + + Cameron looks across the street. + + SLOANE + Why? + + CAMERON + I took a stand. + + FERRIS + No, Cameron. You wrecked a car. + + Cameron thinks for a moment. Then he regains his confidence. + + CAMERON + It's okay. + + Ferris looks across the street at the car. + + FERRIS + I have an idea. If you're interested. + + Cameron looks at him. He shakes his head. + + CAMERON + I'm gonna handle it. + + FERRIS + I think this could work. + + CAMERON + No, thanks. I want to deal with + it by myself. + + SLOANE + What about your one word? + + CAMERON + You already did it. If I need it + again, I'll use it. + + He smiles. He raises am impish eyebrow. + + CAMERON + It's cool. I'm loose. + +188 INT. POLICE STATION. OFFICE 188 + + Joyce is talking with the juvenile officer. Outside the + office, on the bench, we see Jeanie and the boy making out. + + JOYCE + She's never been in trouble before. + This is a shock to me. First, I + don't know why she wasn't at school. + Second, I don't know why she'd call + you with this story about a rapist. + + OFFICER + For whatever reasons she did it, + I think she'd had a good scare. + + JOYCE + I hope so. I appreciate your calling + me. I can assure you that her father + and I will have a long talk with her. + + The gathers her purse and jacket and stands. + + JOYCE + Thank you. + + OFFICER + Oh, by the way, I hope you son's + feeling better. + + Joyce looks at the officer curiously. + + OFFICER + Tell him, all the guys at the + station here are pulling for + him. + +189 INT. POLICE STATION. WAITING ROOM 189 + + Jeanie quickly breaks the embrace with the boy as Joyce + steps out of the juvenile officer's room. She's still a + little bewildered that everybody knows Ferris was ill. + Jeanie wipes her lips and sits up straight. The boy adjusts + his pants to better hide his passion. + + JEANIE + (to the boy) + If you keep this to yourself, I + think we can probably get it on + pretty good. + + BOY + For sure. + + Jeanie stands up. + + JEANIE + Hi. + + JOYCE + Don't "hi" me, young lady. Get + your stuff. + + Jeanie reaches down for her purse. + + BOY + What's your name? + + JEANIE + Jean. What's yours? + + BOY + Garth Volbeck. + +190 EXT. SLOANE'S BACKYARD 190 + + Sloane and Ferris are standing at the back fence. + + SLOANE + I had a great time today. + + FERRIS + Yeah. It was pretty cool. + + SLOANE + You think Cameron's gonna be + alright? + + FERRIS + Sure. He had to so it, I guess. + His old man had it coming. He'll + be okay. I'd be worried if he'd + taken my idea. + + Sloane smiles knowingly. + + SLOANE + You didn't have an idea, did you? + + FERRIS + Not a glimmer. + + SLOANE + You're so smart. + + FERRIS + No. I'm just real loose. + + He kisses her. + + FERRIS + I'll call you tonight. + + Sloane nods. Ferris jumps the fence and takes off across the + backyards. Sloane watches him go. A huge smile spreads + across her face. + + SLOANE + I LOVE YOU! + + She backs away from the fence. MUSIC FADES UP. + + SLOANE + He's gonna marry me. I know it. + + She turns and runs into the house. + +191 EXT. BACKYARD 191 + + Ferris sprints across a backyard. He jumps a plaster elf. + +192 EXT. ANOTHER BACKYARD 192 + + Ferris vaults a fence. He runs directly for a swimming pool. + He's approaching it from the side. He leaps, hits the diving + board, springs off, does a flip and lands on the grass on + the other side of the pool. + +193 CU. BEDSPREAD 193 + + Neatly bundles stacks of bills and rolled coins. A + significant amount of cash. + + CU. SLOANE + + She's writing. + + CU. PIECE OF PAPER + + We see a portion of the typewritten letter as she signs it. + + "...in the amount of $1,765.33. It + gives us great pleasure to assist + you in performance of your worthy + and much needed survives to those + so desperately in need. + + Sincerely, + + Sloane Peterson + Executive Director + The Ferris Bueller Foundation" + +194 EXT. FERRIS' STREET 194 + + He's running down the middle of the street. A car honks. + Ferris moves to the side. The car pulls around him. + + INT. CAR. + + Tom's at the wheel. He glances in the mirror. He does a + take. + + HIS POV. MIRROR + + We see Ferris cut across a front lawn and into a house. + + CU. TOM + + He realizes it couldn't be Ferris. + +195 INT. HOUSE 195 + + Ferris runs through the kitchen, past a WOMAN, fixing dinner + and out her backdoor. The Woman looks up curiously. + +196 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 196 + + Tom pulls in the driveway. He parks and gets out. Joyce + pulls in from the other direction. + +197 EXT. HOUSE. BACK PORCH 197 + + Ferris tries the door. It's locked. He reaches down and + lifts the doormat. + + CU. PORCH + + The outline of a key in the dirt under the mat. The key's + gone. The toe of a chewed-up dress shoe steps INTO FRAME. An + OMNIOUS CHORD IS STRUCK. + + CU. FERRIS + + He stares up in horror. + + HIS POV + + Rooney's looking down at him. He's holding the house key. + + EXT. PORCH + + Ferris stands up. He smiles. + + ROONEY + Looking for this? + + FERRIS + Yes. + + ROONEY + I got you, Ferris. This time I finally + got you. + + Ferris is caught. There's no way out. Rooney gloats + severely. + + ROONEY + How does another year of high + school sit with you? + + Suddenly, the backdoor opens. Jeanie looks out. She feigns + joy and relief. She rushes Ferris and hugs him. + + JEANIE + Thank God, you're alright! We've + been worried sick! + + CU. FERRIS + + A moment of curiosity. Then it dawns on him what's + happening. He smiles. + + CU. ROONEY + + His eyes dart from Ferris to Jeanie to Ferris. His victory + is evaporating. + + EXT. PORCH + + Jeanie breaks the embrace. + + JEANIE + (to Rooney) + Thank you for bringing him home, + Mr. Rooney. + (to Ferris) + You better get up in bed tight + now. + + Ferris limps into the house. + + JEANIE + Can you imagine someone as sick as + Ferris trying to walk home from the + hospital? + (shakes her head) + Kids! + + CU. ROONEY + + He's dumbfounded. + + CU. JEANIE + + She raises her hands and strikes a karate pose. A huge smile + passes over her face. + + CU. ROONEY + + A look of terror as he realizes that is was Jeanie who + kicked him and that Jeanie knows it was he who she kicked. + + EXT. PORCH + + Jeanie steps into the house. + +198 INT. HOUSE 198 + + The door closes on Rooney's defeated, lost, dejected, + bewildered face. Not only has he lost Ferris again, he has + Jeanie to deal with next year. + +199 EXT. YARD. CU. DOG 199 + + The click of the door wakes him up. His head pops up off the + grass. + + CU. ROONEY + + He senses new danger. We hear AN O.C. GROWL. Rooney squeezes + his eyes shut. + +200 INT. KITCHEN 200 + + Kimberly and Todd are sitting at the kitchen table watching + TV and eating cereal. They look up at Ferris as he comes in + from outside. + + TODD + Ferris? Does my head look like + it's getting bigger? + + Ferris leans against the counter as he tries to catch his + breath. He looks at his little brother. + + FERRIS + No, but Kimberly's is. + + He crosses to the refrigerator and opens it. Kimberly feels + her head. + + KIMBERLY + (to Todd) + Is he serious? + + TODD + I think so. + + KIMBERLY + Oh, shit! + + Ferris takes out a bottle of orange juice out of the + refrigerator and drinks straight from the bottle. Jeanie + comes in. + + FERRIS + Thanks, Jeanie. + + JEANIE + No problem. + + FERRIS + By the way, I borrowed some cash + from you. I'll pay you back. + + JEANIE + You don't have to. + + FERRIS + I want to. + + JEANIE + You don't have to. I've been ripping + off your wallet for years. + + Ferris gives her a proud smile. + +201 EXT. HOUSE 201 + + Joyce and Tom head up to the kitchen. + +202 INT. KITCHEN 202 + + Ferris and Jeanie exit the kitchen as Joyce and Tom enter. + + JOYCE + (to Todd and Kimberly) + Hi, guys. + + KIMBERLY + Is my head swelling up? + +203 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 203 + + The foyer is jammed with floral arrangements, plants and + gifts. Ferris and Jeanie step gingerly through the flowers + and head upstairs. + + JEANIE + I'm sorry I've been riding your + buns for so long. + + FERRIS + It's completely cool. + + JOYCE (OC) + Ferris! + + Ferris continues up the stairs. He affects a sickly voice. + + FERRIS + Upstairs, Mom! + +204 INT. SECOND FLOOR LANDING 204 + + Ferris and Jeanie stop. + + JEANIE + Do you know a guy named Garth + Volbeck? + + FERRIS + Vaguely. + + JEANIE + Is he cool? + + FERRIS + He's cool. But stay away from his + brother. + + Ferris walks into the room, brushes the crumbs off his hands + and peels off his shirt. He climbs into bed. No sooner are + the covers over him than the bedroom door opens and Joyce + and Tom walk in. They walk over to the bed. Joyce sits down. + + JOYCE + Honey? + + CU. FERRIS + + The same deathly face he had in the morning. Tongue out, + eyes bulging. + + TOM (OC) + Ferris? How do you feel? + + He pulls in his tongue to speak. + + FERRIS + (deathly gasp) + 150% better, thank you. + +205 INT. BEDROOM 205 + + Tom and Joyce hover over him with deep concern. + + FERRIS + I'm much better, really. Please, + don't make me stay home again. I + want to go to school. I'm graduating + in June and I... + + TOM + Ferris. You're sick. There's no point + pushing yourself and making it worse. + + FERRIS + Maybe you're right, Dad. + + TOM + I know I'm right. + + Joyce leans over and kisses him forehead. + + JOYCE + How did you get so sweet? + + FERRIS + Years of practice. + + Tom pats Ferris on the rump. He and Joyce exit. + + CU. FERRIS + + The hideous face. A beat and we HEAR THE BEDROOM DOOR CLOSE. + Ferris looks at CAMERA. + + FERRIS + (happy sigh) + Yeah, life is a carousel. A + great big crazy ball of pure + living, breathing joy and delight. + + He rolls over on his back and puts his hands behind his + head. + + FERRIS + You gotta get one. + + He smiles. + + MUSIC UP BIG + + END TITLES + + THE END +`).then(e => console.log(`Código finalizado, ${e} mensagens enviadas`)).catch(console.error) From c443d01e8fae52ad11637c73377bcdd76435c368 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: peixotmarc <48831018+peixotmarc@users.noreply.github.com> Date: Fri, 20 Oct 2023 14:05:50 +0100 Subject: [PATCH 4/9] Delete FerrisBuellerDayOff.js --- FerrisBuellerDayOff.js | 6887 ---------------------------------------- 1 file changed, 6887 deletions(-) delete mode 100644 FerrisBuellerDayOff.js diff --git a/FerrisBuellerDayOff.js b/FerrisBuellerDayOff.js deleted file mode 100644 index c7656b0..0000000 --- a/FerrisBuellerDayOff.js +++ /dev/null @@ -1,6887 +0,0 @@ -async function enviarScript(scriptText){ - const lines = scriptText.split(/[\n\t]+/).map(line => line.trim()).filter(line => line); - main = document.querySelector("#main"), - textarea = main.querySelector(`div[contenteditable="true"]`) - - if(!textarea) throw new Error("Não há uma conversa aberta") - - for(const line of lines){ - console.log(line) - - textarea.focus(); - document.execCommand('insertText', false, line); - textarea.dispatchEvent(new Event('change', {bubbles: true})); - - setTimeout(() => { - (main.querySelector(`[data-testid="send"]`) || main.querySelector(`[data-icon="send"]`)).click(); - }, 100); - - if(lines.indexOf(line) !== lines.length - 1) await new Promise(resolve => setTimeout(resolve, 250)); - } - - return lines.length; -} - -enviarScript(` - "FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF" - - by - - John Hughes - - SHOOTING SCRIPT - July 24, 1985 - - - "FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF" - - 1 BLACK SCREEN 1 - - MAIN TITLES - - IT'S SILENT. A BEAT...AND AN EXPLOSION OF SOUND. A HOUSEHOLD - IN THE MORNING. KIDS GETTING READY FOR SCHOOL. CLOCK RADIOS. - KITCHEN APPLIANCES. SHOWERS. FIGHTING. PEOPLE YELLING. DOG - BARKING. APPLIANCES BUZZING. CAR HORNS. IT SOUNDS JUST LIKE - YOUR HOUSE DID. STREAMS OF ROCK'N ROLL FADE IN AND OUT. HUEY - LEWIS TO LIONEL RITCHIE TO HUSKER DU. SURROUND MAKES IT FEEL - LIKE YOU'RE IN THE ROOM. AN AURAL TOUR OF A HOUSE ON A - SCHOOL MORNING. BEGINING IN THE KITCHEN AND MOVING UPSTAIRS. - - FATHER'S VOICE (TOM) - Where's my wallet?! - - SEVEN YEAR OLD BOY (TODD) - YOU IDIOT!! - - TWELVE YEAR OLD GIRL (KIMBERLY) - MOM! - - TODD - SHUT-UP! - - EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL (JEANIE) - I NEED A TOWEL!! - - TOM - JOYCE! - - KIMBERLY - (whispers, sadistic) - When you turn ten, your head's going - to swell up real big like a watermelon - and we're going to have to put you - to sleep like they do with a dog. - - TODD - MOM! - - TOM - JOYCE!! - - JEANIE - WHO PISSED ON THE TOILET SEAT!? MOTHER!! - - TOM - Where's Mom? - - TODD - Is my head going to swell up? - - TOM - What?! - - JEANIE - OH, MY GOD! THE TOILET PAPER'S ALL WET!!! - - MOTHER (JOYCE) - (screams) - TOM! - - The house falls dead SILENT. We hear footsteps thundering - through the house. A TENSE STRAIN OF MUSIC FADES UP. - - TODD - What's that? - - KIMBERLY - Wait! Hold still! - - TODD - What?! - - KIMBERLY - You heads starting to swell up!! - - Todd screams. We hear the sound of Tom's footsteps running - through the kitchen, down the hall, up the stairs, up the - hallway. A door open. - - TOM - (breathless) - What's the matter? - - JOYCE - (worried) - It's Ferris! - - TOM - What's wrong? - - JOYCE - (snaps) - What's wrong? For Christ's sake! - Look at him! - - 2 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS 2 - - An eighteen year-old boy. He's staring lifelessly at CAMERA. - His mouth's open. His eyes are bugged-out. His tongue is fat - and dry in his mouth. He's laying in bed, on his side. - - 3 INT. BOY'S BEDROOM 3 - - Ferris' parents, TOM and JOYCE BUELLER are standing at - bedside. They're in their late forties, early fifties. - Handsome, upper-middle class parents. They're both dressed - for work. - - TOM - Ferris? - - JOYCE - He doesn't have a fever. But he says - his stomach hurts and he's seeing spots. - - 4 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS 4 - - His lifeless eyes blink. - - 5 INT. BEDROOM. PARENTS 5 - - Tom bends down and touches Ferris' forehead. - - TOM - What's the matter, Ferris? - - JOYCE - Feel his hands. They're cold and clammy. - - Tom takes one of Ferris' hands. - - TOM - (discreetly) - Should you call the doctor? - - JOYCE - (whispers) - He doesn't want me to. - - TOM - Why don't you want Mom to call - the doctor? - - Ferris exhales loudly. He tries to speak but all he can - manage is a choked gasp. - - TOM - What? - - Ferris tries again. - - FERRIS - (raspy) - Don't make a fuss. I'm fine. I'll get up. - - He starts to get up. Joyce gently pushes him back down. - - FERRIS - I have a test today. I have to take it. - I want to get into a good college - so I can have a fruitful life... - - JOYCE - You're not going to school like - this. - (to Tom) - Maybe I should call the office and - tell them I won't be in. - - FERRIS - I'm okay, Mom. I feel perfectly...Oh, God! - - He's gripped by a seizure. His body stiffens and he chokes. - His older sister, JEANIE, walks into the room. She's dressed - for school. She's cute and stuck-up. A major pill. - - JEAN - Oh, fine. What's this? What's his problem? - - JOYCE - He doesn't feel well. - - JEAN - Yeah, right. Dry that one out - and you can fertilize the lawn. - - TOM - That's enough, Jeanie. - - JEANIE - You're not falling for this, are you? - Tell me you're not falling for this. - - FERRIS - Is that Jeanie? I can't see that - far. Jeanie? - - JEANIE - Pucker up and squat, Ferris. - - JOYCE - (annoyed) - Thank you, Jeanie. Get to school. - - JEANIE - (angry, defeated) - You're really letting him stay home? - I can't believe this. If I was bleeding - out my eyes, you guys'd make me go to - school. It's so unfair. - - FERRIS - Please don't be upset with me, Jeanie. - Be thankful that you're fit and have - your health. Cherish it. - - JEANIE - (to herself) - Oh, I wanna puke. - - She glares at Ferris. Her eyes are mascara and vengence. She - slips out of the room. Ferris' brother, TODD and sister, - KIMBERLY peek into the room. - - KIMBERLY - Myocardial infarction? - - JOYCE - Get your stuff. Daddy'll be right - down. - - KIMBERLY - Syphilitic meningitus? That would be - a huge family embarrassment. - - TOM - Get downstairs! - - KIMBERLY - If he dies, I got dibs on his stereo. - - She turns sharply and exits. - - TODD - (worried) - Dad? Does my head look alright? - - JOYCE - Get downstairs! Now! - - TODD - Just answer me one question! Is it - swelling up? Kim said it was going - to get as big as... - - KIMBERLY (OC) - A WATERMELON! - - TODD - (yells out the room) - Shut-up! - - JOYCE - Get downstairs! NOW! - - Todd backs out of the room. - - FERRIS - I'll be okay. I'll just sleep. - Maybe I'll have an aspirin around - noon. - - JOYCE - (to Ferris) - I'm showing houses to the family - from California today but I'll be in - the area. My office'll know where - I am, if you need me. - - TOM - I'll check it with you, too. - - FERRIS - It's nice to know I have such - loving, caring parents. You're - both very special people. - - 6 CU. FERRIS 6 - - He acknowledges Tom with a pathetic flutter of his eyelids. - - 7 INT. BEDROOM. JOYCE 7 - - She strokes Ferris' hair. - - JOYCE - I hope you feel better, pumpkin. - - She leans down and kisses his forehead. Tom pats his - shoulder. - - TOM - Get some rest. - - 8 CU. FERRIS 8 - - Ferris lets out a wheeze. His glassy eyes follow his parents - to the door. - - JOYCE (OC) - We love you, sweetie. - - TOM (OC) - Call if you need us. - - They close the door. The lock clicks. Ferris' eyes shift - from the door to CAMERA. A sly, little smile crawls across - his lips. - - FERRIS - They bought it. - - The MTV theme music ROARS IN. - - 9 CU. TV SCREEN 9 - - The TV at the foot of Ferris' bed. The MTV logo is playing. - - 10 INT. BEDROOM 10 - - Ferris yanks open the drapes. The pall of the sickroom - disappears in the brilliant glow of morning sunlight. - - FERRIS - Incredible! One of the worst performances - of my career and they never doubted it - for a second. - (looks out the window) - What a beautiful day! - - He turns from the window. - - FERRIS - Parents always fall for the clammy hands. - It's physical evidence of illness. It's - a good, non-specific symptom. Parents are - generally pretty hip to the fever scams. - And to make them work you have to go a hundred - and one, hundred and two. You get a nervous - mother and you end up in a doctor's office - and that's worse than school. - - He flips on his stereo and fills the room with the MTV - broadcast. A NEW SONG begins. - - FERRIS - Fake a stomach cramp and when you're - doubled over, moaning and wailing, just - lick your palms. It's a little stupid - and childish but then so if high school. - Right? - - He equalizes the sound a little. - - FERRIS - This is my ninth sick day with semester. - If I go for ten, I'm probably going to - have to barf up a lung. So, I absolutely - must make this one count. - - He exits into the hallway. - - 11 INT. BATHROOM 11 - - Ferris walks into the bathroom. It's littered with Jean's - debris. He turns on the shower water. - - FERRIS - I don't care if you're fifty five - or seven, everybody needs a day off - now and then. It's a beautiful day. - How can I be expected to handle - high school? - - He bends down OUT OF FRAME as he loses his briefs. He pops - up. - - FERRIS - I do actually have a test. That wasn't - bullshit. - - He steps into the shower. Through the pebbled glass of the - shower door we see Ferris' outline. - - FERRIS - That I care about it was. - - 12 INT. BATHROOM. SHOWER STALL. 12 - - Inside the shower. Ferris' hair is standing straight up. - It's moulded into a fin with shampoo. - - FERRIS - It's on European socialism. I mean, - really. What's the point? I'm not - European. I don't plan to be European. - So, who gives a shit if they're socialists? - They could be fascist anarchists and it - still wouldn't change the fact that I - don't own a car. - - He turns the shower head around and uses it like a - microphone. - - FERRIS - (sings) - WELL SHAKE IT UP, BABY, - TWIST AND SHOUT... - - 13 INT. HALLWAY. LATER 13 - - Ferris comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around - his waist. He's drying his hair with another of a different - color. - - FERRIS - Not that I condone fascism. Or - and "isms". "Isms", in my opinion - are not good. A person should not - believe in an "ism". He should - believe in himself. John Lennon - said it on his first solo album. - "I don't believe in Beatles, I - just believe in me." A good point - there. Afterall, he was the Walrus. - - He opens a linen closet and tosses the towel in it. - - FERRIS - I could be the Walrus and I'd still - have to bum rides off people. - - He passes CAMERA and goes into his room. - - FERRIS (OC) - I'm not very political? Let me - put that into perspective... - - 14 INT. BEDROOM 14 - - Ferris tosses the towel he's dried hair with on the bed. - - FERRIS - My uncle went to Canada to protest - the war, right? On the Fourth of - July he was down with my aunt and he - got drunk and told my Dad he felt - guilty he didn't fight in Viet Nam. - So I said, "What's the deal, Uncle - Jeff? In wartime you want to be a - pacifist and in peacetime you want - to be a soldier. It took you twenty - years to find out you don't believe - in anything?" - (snaps his fingers) - Grounded. Just like that. Two weeks. - (pause) - Be careful when you deal with old - hippies. They can be real touchy. - - He opens his door. - - 15 INT. CLOSET 15 - - The door opens and Ferris rifles through his shirts. - - FERRIS - My mother was a hippie. But she - lost it. She got old. If she listens - to the White Album now? She doesn't hear - music, she hears memories. Nostalgia is - her favorite drug. It'll probably be - mine, too. I hope not. - - He finds a shirt he likes. He steps back from the closet and - puts it on. He drops the towel. - - 16 INT. BEDROOM 16 - - He walks across the room to his dresser. He opens his - underwear drawer. There's an old model of a submarine on the - top of the dresser. He picks it up. - - FERRIS - In eighth grade a friend of mine - made a bong out of one of these. - The smoke tasted like glue. - - He pulls out a pair of underwear. He gets dressed as he - speaks. - - FERRIS - His name is Garth Volbeck. He's a - serious outsider. Not a bad guy, I - like him. I'm probably his only friend. - I do what I can for him. I mean, if - I was him, I'd appreciate it. Do unto others, - right? Anyway, his mother owns a gas station. - His father's dead and his sister's rumored - to be a prostitute, which is complete bullshit. - She only puts out so people will hang out - with her. It's sad but I don't hold it - against her. Better to hold it against the - guys who use her and don't care about her. - (pause) - My parents never allowed Garth over here. - It was because of his family. Mainly his - older brother. He's in jail. I could see them - not wanting his brother here because he is - a registered psycho. I wouldn't want him here. - I once watched the guy eat a whole bowl of - artificial fruit just so he could see what - it was like to have his stomach pumped. - But Garth isn't his brother. It isn't his fault - that his brother's screwed-up. Alot of fights - with the parents on that point. I always felt - for Garth. I was sleeping at his house once - and I was laying on the dark worrying that - his brother was going to come in and hack me - to death with an ax and I heard Garth crying. - I asked him what was wrong and he said, "Nothing". - ... Nothing was wrong. There was no - specific thing he was crying about. - In fact, he wasn't really even aware that - he was crying. He just cried himself to - sleep every night. It was a habit. The - guy's so conditioned to grief that if - he doesn't feel it, he can't sleep. How - could you possibly dump on guy who has to - deal with that kinda shit? My parents - acknowledge the trudge of the situation - and I'm sure that deep down, they do feel - for him but still the guy's banned from - our house. - - He looks at himself in the mirror on the back of his closet - door. He doesn't like what he's wearing. He continues his - speech as he disrobes. - - FERRIS - Unfortunately, now my parents have a - legit argument. Garth doesn't need his - brother to give him a rep anymore. He's - getting one on his own. He's lost. It's - over for him. He's eighteen. Gone from - school. Gone from life. His legacy is - a gas station. - - 17 INT. HOUSE. STAIRCASE 17 - - Ferris comes down the stairs. He's wearing a completely - different outfit. - - FERRIS - One very serious danger is playing - sick is that it's possible to believe - your own act. - - 18 INT. KITCHEN 18 - - Ferris comes into the kitchen and crosses to the - refrigerator. - - FERRIS - That and boredom. Alot of people - ditch and feel great for about an - hour. Then they realize there's - nothing to do. TV and food. I myself - have ditched and gotten so bored I - did homework. Figure that shit out. - - He takes a sip out of a bottle of orange juice. - - FERRIS - You have to plan things out before - you take the day off. Otherwise - you get all nervous worrying about - what to do and all you get is grief - and the whole point is to take it - easy, cut loose and enjoy. - - He crosses to the pantry. - - FERRIS - You blow your day and at about three - o'clock, when everybody's out of school, - you're going to wish you'd gone to - school so you could be out having - fun. - - He emerges from the pantry with a handful of Oreos. - - FERRIS - Avoid the misery. Plan your day. - Do it right. - - 19 INT. FAMILY ROOM 19 - - Ferris walks in and flops down in an armchair. - - FERRIS - There's alot of pressure at work - in my age group. And it's not always - recognized. - - He reaches over and picks up the telephone. He sets it in - his lap. - - FERRIS - Some guy whose hair is falling out - and his stomach's hanging over his - belt and everything he eats makes - him fart, he looks at someone like - me and thinks, "This kid's young and - strong and has a full, rich future ahead - of him, what's he got to bitch about?" - - 20 CU. PHONE 20 - - He punches out a number. - - 21 INT. FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS 21 - - He remote controls the TV on. - - FERRIS - That's just one reason why I need a - day off every now and then. - - 22 EXT. ANOTHER HOUSE 22 - - A sleek, modern house on a couple of deeply wooded acres. A - prime house in a prime location. A telephone rings OVER. - - 23 INT. BOY'S BEDROOM 23 - - It's a dark, dreary sick room. Shades drawn, floor strewn - with used tissues, nightstand a still-life of over the - counter remedies. A high school boy, CAMERON FRYE, is laying - in bed. We don't see his face, only a silhouette with a - thermometer sticking out his mouth. U2's SUNDAY BLOODY - SUNDAY is playing. He's mumbling random words. - - CAMERON - Food...shelter...no...yes... - - The phone rings. His hand reaches back and hits the speaker - phone button. - - CAMERON - (weak) - Hello? - - FERRIS' VOICE - Cameron! What's happening? - - CAMERON - Very little. - - FERRIS' VOICE - How do you feel? - - CAMERON - Shredded. - - FERRIS' VOICE - Is your mother in the room? - - Cameron takes the thermometer out of his mouth. - - CAMERON - She's not home. Where are you? - - FERRIS' VOICE - Home. - - 24 INT. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS 24 - - Ferris is sprawled out in the chair. - - FERRIS - I'm taking the day off. Get - dressed and come over. - - CAMERON'S VOICE - I can't. I'm sick. - - FERRIS - It's all in your head. Come on over. - - 25 INT. CAMERON'S ROOM 25 - - Cameron's insistant. - - CAMERON - I feel like complete shit, Ferris. - I can't go anywhere. - - FERRIS' VOICE - I'm sorry to hear that. Now, come - on over and pick me up. - - Ferris disconnects. Cameron slowly hangs up the phone. - - CAMERON - I'm dying. - - The phone rings again. Cameron hits the speaker button. - - FERRIS' VOICE - You're not dying. You just can't think - of anything good to do. - - 26 INT. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM 26 - - Ferris hangs up. - - FERRIS - If anybody needs a day off, it's - Cameron. He has alot of things to - sort out before he graduates. He - can't be wound this tight and go - to college. His roommate'll kill - him. I've come close myself. But I - like him. He's a little easier to - take when you know why he's like he - is. The boy cannot relax. Pardon - by French but Cameron is so tight - that if you stuck a lump of coal up - his ass, in two weeks you'd have a - diamond. - (after-thought) - And Cameron would worry that he'd - owe taxes on it. - - 27 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 27 - - We hear roll call as CAMERA MOVES ACROSS the tile floor. A - shoe's POV. - - TEACHER'S VOICE - Albers? - - BOY'S VOICE - Here. - - TEACHER'S VOICE - Anderson. - - GIRL'S VOICE - Here. - - CAMERA enters a classroom. It travels past a teacher's Hush - Puppies and heads up an aisle of desk past dirty yellow - Reebocks, rotting Air Jordans, scuffed heels, pristine - loafers... - - TEACHER'S VOICE - Anheiser? - - BOY'S VOICE - Here. - - TEACHER'S VOICE - Busch? - - GIRL'S VOICE - Here. - - TEACHER'S VOICE - Bueller? - - CAMERA reaches the last desk and rises slowly to reveal that - it's empty. - - TEACHER'S VOICE - Bueller? - - GIRL'S VOICE - He's sick. - (pause) - My best friend's sister's boyfriend's - brother's girlfriend heard from this - guy who knows this kid who's going - with a girl who saw Ferris pass-out - at 31 Flavors last night. I guess - it's pretty serious. - - TEACHER'S VOICE - (weary) - Thank you, Simone. - - GIRL'S VOICE - (cheery) - No problem whatsoever. - - TEACHER'S VOICE - Drucker? - - BOY'S VOICE - What? - - WOUND-OUT CAR ENGINES COME UP LOUD. - - 28 CU. TV 28 - - THE ROAD WARRIOR is playing on video cassette. The big chase - at the end. - - INT. FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS - - He's sitting in the arm chair pretending it's Humongous' war - wagon. He's wearing a hockey mash. He's steering. He reaches - down and grabs an imaginary nitrous oxide valve. - - CU. TV - - Humongous reaches down and grabs a real nitrous oxide valve. - He gives it a twist. - - CU. FERRIS - - He throws himself back against the chair. - - CU. TV - - The force of the rapid acceleration of his vehicle throws - Humongous back in his seat. - - CU. FERRIS - - He bounces himself in the chair to simulate the bumpy high - speed ride. - - CU. TV - - The was wagon hurtles down the road. - - CU. FERRIS - - He rears back in horror. - - CU. TV - - The war wagon is heading for a head-on collision with the - tanker truck. - - CU. FERRIS - - Arms outstretched, head thrown back, braced for collision. - - CU. TV - - IMPACT! - - MOZART COMES UP. - - 29 CU. FLOWERING TREE BRANCH 29 - - Outside a bedroom window. A flowering crabtree branch. - Petite pink flowers. WE PULL BACK FROM THE WINDOW INTO THE - ROOM. It's Jeanie's room. A pink and powder blue pig pen. - Clothes everywhere, make-up, books, records. Ferris is - sitting on her bed going through a purse. - - FERRIS - This is really degrading. - - He comes up with a crumpled dollar bill. - - FERRIS - Financing my activities this way. - Very damaging to the self-image. - But, hey, I'm broke. In times of - crisis one must to what one must - to. I'll pay it back. With interest. - - He comes up with a five. - - FERRIS - Regardless of how much shit sisters - make you eat, how often they rat on - you, how gross they act or how wicked - and insensitive they can be, you should - not alientate them. Because most likely - they have cash and it's usually very easy - to get your hands on. - - He holds up a twenty and snaps it. PINK FLOYD'S "MONEY" - COMES UP. - - 30 INT. LIVING ROOM 30 - - The song plays as Ferris digs through the sofa cushions. - - CU. SOFA - - Ferris extracts a sticky quarter from a crevice. - - 31 INT. PARENTS' BEDROOM 31 - - Ferris is going through his father's pants pockets. Another - crumpled bill surfaces. - - 32 CU. WASHING MACHINE TOP 32 - - A couple of stiff, hard, bleached singles that have gone - through the wash lay on top of the washer. A hand scoops - them up. - - 33 CU. LUCITE ENCASED PROOF SET 33 - - An obvious gift from a grandparent. A U.S. Mint proof set. A - ten, a five and a single enclosed in a lucite frame. A - screwdriver tip wedges between the two pieces of Lucite and - pops them apart. A hand peels the bills off the backing. - - 34 CU. KITCHEN DRAWER 34 - - Hands ripping through the kitchen junk drawer. Locating a - dollar bill. - - 35 CU. COIN COLLECTION 35 - - The familiar blue collector's album. One-by-one, the - quarters are being popped out of their slots. - - 36 CU. VACCUUM CLEANER 36 - - The dusty, dirty contents of the bag are emptied on the - floor. Fingers pick a dime out of a matted wad of filth. - - 37 CU. SNOOPY BANK 37 - - It's being shaken furiously. - - 38 CU. BIRTHDAY CARD 38 - - It's a child's card. It's slowly opened to reveal a crisp, - new five. - - 39 INT. HALL CLOSET 39 - - The door opens and Ferris thrusts his hands into the pockets - of the coats. He comes up with a ball of Kleenex. A roll of - Tums. A squirt gun. Then a modest wad of bills. His face - lights up as he counts out the cash. He closes the door. - - 40 CU. FLOOR AND BED 40 - - Ferris' face appears between the bed and the floor. His arm - reaches out for a small metal bank hidden under the bed. - - 41 CU. BANK 41 - - It's on a work bench. An awl is driven in between the door - and the jamb. It pries the door open. Inside are trading - cards, a charred doll's head, a Zippo lighter and, finally, - a five dollar bill. - - 42 INT. KITCHEN 42 - - Ferris is on his hands and knees under the kitchen table. - - 43 CU. TABLE LEG 43 - - Ferris lifts the leg and removes a quarter that's been used - to balance the table. - - 44 INT. KITCHEN 44 - - Ferris stands up and pockets the quarter. - - 45 CU. FERRIS' BED 45 - - A shower of coins and bills rain down on the sheets. The - SONG ENDS. - - 46 EXT. REAL ESTATE OFFICE. MORNING 46 - - A suburban realty company. A cute little building in town. - - 47 INT. OFFICE 47 - - Joyce is behind a desk. Across from her are two WOMEN. - They're also real estate agents. - - JOYCE - No one's going to consider a - house with a black living room. - Not even those jerks from Vermont. - Let's be realistic. - - AGENT 1 - Mrs. Volbeck's dead set against - putting any money into the house. - - Joyce's phone intercom buzzes. She take the call. - - JOYCE - Joyce Bueller. - - Her eyes open wide with alarm. - - JOYCE - Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I - completely forgot to call. - - 48 EXT. HIGH SCHOOL 48 - - A modern, suburban high school. - - MAN'S VOICE - Are you aware that your son is not - in school today? - - 49 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 49 - - It's a passing period. The hall is clogged with students. - - JOYCE'S VOICE - Yes, I am. Ferris is home sick. I - had a meeting first thing this - morning. I should have called. It - completely slipped my mind. - - 50 INT. SCHOOL. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE 50 - - A SECRETARY is at work at her desk. We hear the dean inside - the office. - - DEAN'S VOICE - Are you also aware that Ferris does not - have what we consider an exemplary - attendance record? - - 51 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. CU. DESK SIGN 51 - - It reads, EDWARD R. ROONEY. DEAD OF STUDENTS. The dean's - feet are up on the desk, behind the sign. Moderately priced - dress shoes. - - JOYCE'S VOICE - I don't understand. - - DEAN'S VOICE - I just had his file up. - - INT. OFFICE. CU. DEAN - - ED ROONEY is sitting behind his desk. He's tough, clean and - straight as an I-beam. Short, neatly combed hair, suit and - tie. He's toying with a pencil. He's confident to the point - of arrogance. - - ROONEY - I just has his file up, Mrs. Bueller. - - Behind him is a computer terminal. He removes his feet from - the desk and turns in his swivel chair. - - ROONEY - If Ferris thinks he coast this last - month and still graduate, he's sorely - mistaken. - - JOYCE'S VOICE - This is all news to me. - - CU. COMPUTER MONITOR - - The monitor on Rooney's desk displays Ferris' records. - - ROONEY'S VOICE - So far this semester alone, he's been - absent nine times. Including today. - - JOYCE'S VOICE - Nine times? - - Under DAYS MISSED we see a number 9 suddenly change to a - number 2. - - INT. OFFICE - - Rooney turns to the monitor. He reads off the screen. - - ROONEY - I have it right here in front of me. He's - missed... - - He looks closer at the screen. - - 52 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 52 - - Ferris is at his Macintosh computer. He has his record up - on the screen. - - FERRIS - I wanted a car. I got a computer. How's - that for being born under a bad sign? - - 53 INT. JOYCE'S OFFICE 53 - - She's still on the phone with Rooney. - - JOYCE - I can give you every assurance that - Ferris is home and that he is, in - fact, very ill. I debated whether - or not I should even leave him. - I can appreciate that at this time - of year children are prone to taking - the day off, but in Ferris' case, - he's truly a very sick boy. - - 54 INT. FERRIS' BEDROOM 54 - - MUSIC BLASTS. SOLO GUITAR. - - CU. SPEAKER - - The grille cloth is throbbing. - - CU. LED METERS - - The meters on the amplifier are totally in the danger zone. - - CU. TV MONITOR - - We see Ferris in his room with a guitar around his neck. - He's playing. - - CU. VIDEO CAMERA - - A home video camera is capturing Ferris on tape. - - 55 INT. CAMERON'S ROOM 55 - - He's sitting on the edge of the bed buttoning his shirt. He - sighs deeply and fall back on the bed. - - 56 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 56 - - Jeanie is at her locker during a passing period. A - GIRLFRIEND comes up to her. - - GIRL - I'm really sorry about your brother. - - JEANIE - What're you sorry for? I have to live - with the trouser snake. - - GIRL - No, I mean I heard he's really sick. - - JEANIE - Who said he's sick. - - GIRL - A whole bunch of people. They said - he's like on the verge of death. - - Jeanie stares incredulously at the girl. - - GIRL - This guy in my biology class said - that if Ferris dies he's giving - his eyes to Stevie Wonder? He's - really sweet isn't he? - - She smiles and exits. Jeanie cocks her head in bewilderment. - She kicks her locker shut. - - 57 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 57 - - He's in bed on the phone. - - FERRIS - A sample of my blood was sent - to Atlanta to the Center for - Disease Control. I don't know, - man, I'm bricking heavily. - (point to the - phone) - Freshman. - (to the phone) - Did you see Alien? When the guy - had the creature in his stomach? - It feels like that. - - 58 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 58 - - A FRESHMAN BOY is on the pay phone. A couple of his BUDDIES - are standing at his side waiting anxiously for news. - - BOY - Goddamn! Are you kidding? - - SECOND BOY - What? - - BOY - Did you see Alien? - - SECOND BOY - No. - - BOY - You never rented the video cassette? - - Second boy shakes his head, no. - - BOY - Oh. He's really wasted. - - THIRD BOY - (to the Second Boy) - Who's he talking to? - - SECOND BOY - Ferris Bueller. You know him? - - THIRD BOY - (excited) - Yeah. He's getting me out of summer - school. - - BOY - Anyway, I appreciate you letting us - know how you're doing. We gotta split. - (pause) - Huh?...Yeah, sure. Hold on. - - SECOND BOY - (to Third Boy) - Shit. I hope he doesn't die. - I can't handle summer school. - - The boy snatches a passing GIRL. - - BOY - Did you see Alien? - - GIRL - Yeah, why? - - He hands her the phone. - - GIRL - Hello? - (pause) - Who? - (pause) - Hi, Ferris. How's your bod? - (jaw drops) - Oh, my God! You're dying? - Is it serious? - (pause) - Shiit! Are you upset? - - 59 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 59 - - Rooney's comparing his computer monitor to hard copy. His - SECRETARY is standing over his shoulder. - - ROONEY - I don't trust this kid any further - than I can throw him! - - SECRETARY - With your bad knee, you better - not throw anybody, Ed. - - Rooney stares at her for a long beat. - - ROONEY - What's so dangerous about a character - like Ferris Bueller is that he gives - the good kids bad ideas. The last thing - I need at this point in my career is - fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples - running around these halls. - - SECRETARY - He's very popular, Ed. Sportos, motorheads, - geeks, sluts, pinheads, dweebies, wonkers, - richies, they all adore him. - - ROONEY - That's exactly why I have to catch him - this time. To show these kids that the - example he sets is a first class ticket - to nowhere. - - SECRETARY - (impressed) - Ooo. You sounded like Dirty Harry just - now. - - Rooney looks up at her with a proud smile. - - ROONEY - Really? - - He unconsciously does an Eastwood squint. - - 60 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 60 - - It's a glorious late spring day. A florist's truck drives - past the house. - - 61 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 61 - - He's on the telephone. As he speaks he does a little - MacPainting on his MacIntosh. A Modigliani nude. - - FERRIS - Cameron, if you're not over here - in fifteen minutes, you can find - a new best friend. I'm serious, man. - This is bullshit, making me wait - around the house for you. - - 62 INT. CAMERON'S BEDROOM 62 - - Cameron's back in bed. - - CAMERON - I'm sick. I feel like shit. Why can't - you leave me alone? - - FERRIS' VOICE - You're not up for some good times? - It's a beautiful day. It's almost - summer. If this was Hawaii, we'd be - surfing. - - 63 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 63 - - He's growing weary of Cameron's wimpishness. - - FERRIS - You want to stay home and try - to have the shits? Try to barf? - Try to feel worse? - - CAMERON'S VOICE - I don't have to try. - - FERRIS - Be a man. Take some Pepto Bismol - and get dressed. You're boring me - with this stuff. - - The other phone line rings. - - FERRIS - Squeeze you buns for a second. I - got another call. - - He puts Cameron on hold. He clears his throat and answers - the second line. He sounds like he's on his last breath. - - FERRIS - H--hell-o? - - 64 EXT. OFFICE BUILDING. DOWNTOWN 64 - - A LaSalle Street office tower. - - TOM'S VOICE - Ferris? - - 65 INT. TOM'S OFFICE 65 - - He's behind his desk. Nice office. Two windows. Herman - Miller desk and chair. - - TOM - You sound miserable. - - FERRIS' VOICE - Really? Darn! I thought I was improving. - - TOM - Were you sleeping? - - FERRIS' VOICE - I was trying to do some homework. - - 66 CU. COMPUTER MONITOR 66 - - A closer view of the rude drawing Ferris is making. - - FERRIS (OC) - I'm so worried about falling behind. - - INT. FERRIS' ROOM - - He leans back from the monitor and sips a Coke. - - FERRIS - Dad? Can you hold on a second? - - TOM'S VOICE - Sure, pal. Are you alright? - - FERRIS - Just a little phlegm on the phone. - Hold on. - - He puts his father on hold. - - FERRIS - Cameron? It's my Dad. - - CAMERON'S VOICE - Oh, that's just great. Are you busted? - - FERRIS - It's completely cool. He's just - checking up on me. Now, listen to - me. I'm working on getting some - heavy bucks out of him. So, the least you - can do is hurry up and get over here. - Bye. - - He disconnects and gets his father back. He switches back to - his sick voice. - - FERRIS - Sorry, Dad. The moment before you - called, I had a chest spasm and I - blew lung fluid all over the place. - It was making me ill looking at it. - But gee, it's sure great of you to call. - I'm sure there're alot of fathers - who wouldn't take time out from - their busy schedules to call a dumb, - sick teenager. - - TOM'S VOICE - Hey, pal, what was I supposed to do? - - Ferris reaches out and hits a key on his computer. The - screen dumps the drawing. - - FERRIS - Give yourself some credit, Dad. It - was a mammoth gesture. It's like those - savings bonds you used to give me - every Christmas. - (looks at CAMERA and smiles) - It was that kind of concern. - - CU. COMPUTER SCREEN - - A message is flashing: "TRANSMITTING DATA". - - INT. FERRIS' ROOM - - He turns away from the computer and puts his feet up on the - desk. He lights a cigarette. - - FERRIS - You had to work hard for the money - to buy those things, right? - - TOM'S VOICE - Not any harder than anybody else. - - Ferris mouths Tom's words as he says them. - - 67 EXT. CHICAGO LOOP. DIAMONDVISION SCREEN 67 - - Ferris' drawing suddenly appears on the billboard. - Pedestrians stop to look. - - 68 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 68 - - He blows a smoke ring. - - FERRIS - You work so hard I'll bet you don't - even remember where those bonds are, - right? - - Ferris points a finger in the air as a cue to his father. - - TOM'S VOICE - Wrong. - - He nods. - - FERRIS - Oh, yeah? You're pulling my leg. You're - just trying to cheer me up. - - TOM'S VOICE - Like hell I am. They're in a shoebox - in my closet. - - Ferris smiles. He looks at CAMERA. He's gotten exactly what - he wants. - - FERRIS - (to CAMERA, normal - voice) - Was that a class move or what? - The guy gave it up faster than - a drunk Catholic girl. I hope my - kids don't pull this shit on me. - (thinks) - Of course, if they didn't, they'd - be dumb and abnormal and they'd - probably never move out of my - house and I'd have to support them - until I die. I take it back. - (to the phone, - sick voice) - Dad? All this talking has made me - kind of light-headed. I think - I better lie down. - - TOM'S VOICE - Okay, pal. You take care. I'll - call you after lunch. - - FERRIS - You don't have to, Dad. - - TOM'S VOICE - I want to. Bye now. - - He hangs up. Ferris sighs. - - FERRIS - You win some, you lose some. - - He turns his desk chair around and gets up. - - FERRIS - I'm so disappointed in Cameron. - Twenty bucks says he's sitting - in his car debating about whether - or not he should go out. - - 69 INT. CAR. CAMERON 69 - - He's sitting behind the wheel of his car. - - CAMERON - We're gonna get caught. No doubt - about it. - - He cuts the engine. - - CAMERON - I'm not doing it. - - He sits for half a beat. - - CAMERON - He'll keep calling until I come - over. - - He sighs and restarts the engine. Another beat. - - CAMERON - Actually, what'll happen is I'll - get caught. Ferris'll escape. - - Another beat. He stops the engine. A CRASH OF HORROR MUSIC. - - 70 CU. DRESSER DRAWER 70 - - Hands curl around the drawer pulls. The drawer is opened - slowly, ominously. The hands lift a sweater out. A HERALDIC - STING as we see a men's magazine beneath the sweater. - - INT. FERRIS' ROOM - - He takes out the magazine. He leafs through the pages for - the pictorials as he speaks. - - FERRIS - Cameron'll go on like that for a - good thirty minutes. The guy - is a shellfish when it comes to - making a decision. The reason - he doesn't fell good is, he - worries about everything. He's - the only guy I know who's deeply - concerned that when he grows up - there'll be a critical shortage - of strategic metals. - - He exits the room. - - 71 INT. HALLWAY 71 - - Ferris comes out of his room and heads down the hallway. - - FERRIS - Cameron's also the only guy - I know who knows what strategic - metals are. - (waves the magazine) - Pardon moi. - - He goes into the bathroom. We HEAR THE TOILET SEAT SLAM - DOWN. - - FERRIS - (sings) - MAYBE I'M JUST LIKE MY MOTHER, - SHE'S NEVER SATISFIED... - - 72 INT. CLASSROOM. LATER 72 - - A stunningly beautiful girl, SLOANE PETERSON, is sitting at - her desk in a history class. She's staring out the window as - a tweedy MALE TEACHER delivers a dry, dusty lecture. - - TEACHER - Roosevelt's health had seriously - deteriorated by the time he met - with Churchill and Stalin at Yalta. - (sneezes) - Pardon me. - - The classroom door opens and the school NURSE walks in. For - a moment, the teacher thinks she's come in because she heard - him sneeze. She crosses to him and whispers in his ear. - - SLOANE - - She, like the others, watches the nurse curiously. - - INT. CLASSROOM. TEACHER AND NURSE - - The teacher's face drops as he's delivered an obvious piece - of disturbing news. He nods grimly to the Nurse. She looks - at the kids. - - NURSE - Sloane Peterson? - - SLOANE - - Sits up in her seat. - - NURSE - - She's a picture of compassion and understanding. - - NURSE - May I see you outside for a moment? - There's been an emergency. - - SLOANE - - A smile curls across her lips. As she gathers her books she - looks to the GIRL next to her. - - SLOANE - (whispers) - Dead grandmother. - - 73 INT. HALLWAY 73 - - The Nurse is gently holding Sloane's hand. - - NURSE - (nods solemnly) - Dead grandmother. - - 74 CU. ROONEY 74 - - He has a suspicious look on his face. - - ROONEY - Dead grandmother? - - INT. DEAN'S OFFICE - - Rooney's at his desk. His secretary is standing across from - him. - - SECRETARY - That's what Mr. Peterson said. I - had Florence Sparrow notify Sloane. - - ROONEY - Who's this girl's going with? - - SECRETARY - It's so hard to tell. I see her - alot with Ferris Bueller. - - Rooney smiles. His suspicions are confirmed. - - ROONEY - Could you get me Mr. Peterson's - daytime number? - - As the secretary starts out of the room, Rooney's phone - rings. She stops and answers the desk phone. - - SECRETARY - Edward Rooney's office. - (pause) - Yes. Can you hold? Thank you. - - She puts the call on hold. - - SECRETARY - It's Mr. Peterson. - - Rooney is startled. He thinks for a beat then reaches for - the phone. - - SECRETARY - Do you still want his number? - - Rooney answers her with an annoyed look. She smiles and - backs out. He punches the phone button. - - ROONEY - Ed Rooney. - - MAN'S VOICE - Ed? This is George Peterson. - - ROONEY - How are you today, sir? - - MAN'S VOICE - We've had a bit of bad luck this - morning as you may have heard. - - Rooney rolls his eyes. It's so obvious it's not Mr. - Peterson. - - ROONEY - I heard. And, gosh, I'm all broken - up. Huh? Oh, sure. I'd be happy to - release Sloane. You produce a corpse - and I'll release Sloane. I want to - see this dead grandmother firsthand. - - The secretary stops cold in the doorway. She turns to Rooney - in horror. He covers the phone. - - ROONEY - (whispers) - It's Ferris Bueller. Nervy litttle - punk. I'm gonna set a trap and let - his walk right into it! - (to phone) - That's right. Cart the stiff in and - I'll turn over your daughter. It's - school policy. Was this your mother? - - Rooney's other line rings. - - 75 INT. SECRETARY'S OFFICE 75 - - She steps out of Rooney's office and picks up the other - line. - - SECRETARY - Ed Rooney's office. - - Her jaw drops. - - SECRETARY - Hold, please. - - She puts the call on hold and hangs up. She hurried into - Rooney's office. - - 76 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 76 - - Rooney's chewing out the person on the other line. - - ROONEY - I'll tell you want, you don't - like my policies, you can just - come on down and smooch by big - old ugly ass. You hear me? - - The secretary comes in. She's waving her arms furiously. - Rooney tries to wave her away. He's angry. She stomps her - foot. Rooney covers the phone. - - ROONEY - What!? - - SECRETARY - Ferris Bueller's on line two. - - CU. ROONEY'S FOOT - - It freezes in mid-tap. - - CU. ROONEY'S HAND - - The pencils falls from his fingers. - - CU. ROONEY'S FACE - - A mask of horror. He glances at the phone. - - CU. PHONE - - The second line light is flashing. - - CU. ROONEY - - He blinks, cocks his head, twitches. - - 77 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 77 - - He's zipping his pants, fastening his belt. The phone's - cradled against his shoulder. He speaks in the same voice he - used on his father. - - FERRIS - Mr. Rooney? I'm sorry to disturb - you at work but I was wondering if - it would be possible for my sister - to bring home any assignments from - my classes that I may need. - - 78 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. ROONEY 78 - - He's staring blankly ahead. - - FERRIS' VOICE - Thank you, sir. - - He nods. - - CU. PHONE - - Rooney's finger gingerly presses the button on the waiting - call. - - CU. ROONEY - - He winces as he returns to the first call. - - 79 INT. FERRIS' HOUSE. KITCHEN 79 - - Cameron's on the phone in the kitchen. He's doing a deep, - phoney "father" voice. - - CAMERON - You oughta be sorry for Christ's - sake! A family member dies and - you insult me. What's the matter - with you, anyway? - - 80 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. ROONEY 80 - - He apologies profusely to Cameron. He's perspiring, - trembling. - - ROONEY - I don't know. I thought you were - someone else. You have to know, - sir, that I would never deliberately - insult you. I can't begin to tell - you how embarrassed I am. - - CAMERON'S VOICE - Pardon my French but you're an asshole! - - Rooney nods enthusiastically. - - ROONEY - Absolutely! I most certainly am. - - 81 INT. KITCHEN 81 - - Cameron lays into Rooney. - - CAMERON - This isn't over yet, buster. You - just make sure my daughter's out - in front of the school in ten - minutes. Do you read me? - - ROONEY'S VOICE - Load and clear, Mr. Peterson. - - CAMERON - Call me sir, goddamn it! - - ROONEY'S VOICE - Sir. - - CAMERON - That's better. - - Ferris strolls into the kitchen to catch the last of the - conversation. Cameron covers the phone. - - CAMERON - (to Ferris) - I'm scared shitless, Ferris! What - is Rooney guesses my voice! - - FERRIS - Impossible. You're doing great. - - Cameron sighs and goes back to the phone. - - CAMERON - (clears his throat) - I don't have all day to bark at you - so I'll make this short and sweet. - - Ferris gives Cameron an enthusiastic thumbs up. - - FERRIS - (mouths) - Great! - - Cameron smiles proudly. - - CAMERON - I want my daughter out in front - of the school in ten minutes. By - herself. I don's want anyone around... - - Ferris smacks Cameron. He's said the wrong thing. He covers - the phone. - - CAMERON - What'd I do? - - FERRIS - Out in front my herself? It's too - suspicious! He'll think something's - up, moron. Cover it. - - Cameron panics. He holds the phone out to Ferris. - - CAMERON - You do it! - - Ferris waves his arms angrily. - - FERRIS - Talk! - - Cameron takes a deep breath. He clears his throat and puts - on his father's voice. - - CAMERON - I changed my mind, fella. You be out - in front with her! I wanna have a - few words with you! - - Ferris slaps Cameron. The phone flies out of his hand. - - 82 CU. ROONEY 82 - - He winces as the phone hits the floor with a loud CLONK! - We HEAR THE BOYS SCRAMBLING TO PICK UP THE PHONE, THEN - CAMERON CLEARING HIS THROAT. - - CAMERON'S VOICE - On second thought, I don't have - time to talk to you. We'll get - together soon and have lunch. - - We HEAR A SLAP AND THE CALL DISCONNECTS. - - 83 INT. FERRIS' KITCHEN 83 - - Cameron's rubbing the side of his head. - - CAMERON - Why'd you hit me?! - - FERRIS - Where's your brain?! - - CAMERON - Why'd you hit me?! - - FERRIS - Where's your brain?! - - CAMERON - Why'd you hit me? - - FERRIS - Where's your brain? - - CAMERON - I asked you first. - - FERRIS - How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney's - going to be there with her?! - - CAMERON - I said for her to be there alone - and you freaked! - - FERRIS - My, God, you're so stupid! - (aside) - I didn't hit you, I lightly slapped - you. - - CAMERON - You hit me. Look, don't ask me to - participate in your crap if you - don't like the way I do it! - - Ferris is incredulous at Cameron's stupidity. Cameron's - anger is intensified by his embarrassment. - - CAMERON - I was home, sick. You get me out of - bed, being me over here, make me - jeopardize my future, make me do - a phoney phone call on a dean of - students, a man who could squeeze - my nuts into oblivion and then - you deliberately hurt my feelings. - - FERRIS - I didn't deliberately hurt your feelings. - - CAMERON - Oh, really? - - FERRIS - Yeah, really. - - Cameron glares at Ferris. - - CAMERON - Hey, Ferris? Have a nice life. - - He turns and heads out of the room. Ferris sighs. - FERRIS - Cameron? - - CAMERON - Stick it up your ass, Ferris. - - FERRIS - Cameron, I'm sorry. I didn't mean - to jam you. It was uncalled for. - - Cameron stops. - - CAMERON - You're serious? - - He turns around. - - FERRIS - Dead serious. - - Cameron smiles. He appreciates Ferris apology. - - CAMERON - Thanks. - - FERRIS - You did screw up through, right? - Not that is was necessarily all - you fault. Right? - - CAMERON - (suspiciously) - Why? - - FERRIS - To fix this situation, I'm going - to have to ask you for a small favor. - - Cameron's jaw drops. - - 84 INT. GARAGE 84 - - The door opens slowly, dramatically as we hear a heraldic - fanfare. Light streams in to reveal Cameron and Ferris - looking at the car. Ferris is smiling with excitement and - awe. Cameron is frowning with trepidation and fear. - - CU. FERRARI STALLION - - The prancing black stallion. We move up from the stallion to - the erotic red hood of a 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. - - CAMERON AND FERRIS - - Cameron's face is ashen. The end of the world is at hand. - Ferris is in heaven. - - CAMERON - (grim monotone) - 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. Less - than a hundred were made. It has a - market value of $265,000. My father - spent three years restoring it. It - is joy, it is his love, it is his - passion. - - FERRIS - It is his fault he didn't lock the - garage. - - CAMERON - Ferris, my father loves this car more - than life itself. We can't take is out. - - FERRIS - A man with priorities so far out of - whack doesn't deserve such a fine - automobile. - - CAMERON - He never drives it, Ferris. He just - rubs it with a diaper. - - FERRIS - We can't pick up Sloane in your car, - Cameron. Rooney'd never believe Mr. - Peterson drives that piece of shit. - - CAMERON - It's not a piece of shit. - - FERRIS - It's a piece of shit. Don't worry - about it. I don't even have a piece - of shit. I have to envy yours. Look, - I'm sorry but there's nothing else - we can do. - - CAMERON - He knows the mileage, Ferris. He has - it tatooed on his wrist. - - FERRIS - He doesn't trust you? - - CAMERON - No. - - FERRIS - Alright, look, this is real simple. - He puts his arm around Cameron. - - FERRIS - Whatever miles we put on it, we'll - take off. - - CAMERON - (suspicious) - How? - - FERRIS - (big, proud smile) - We'll drive home backwards. - - Cameron shakes his head, no. - - CAMERON - Forget it. I'm putting my foot down, - Ferris. You'll have to think of - something else... - - CU. FERRARI GRILLE - - Cameron's protests are drowned out by the distinctive roar - of the twelve cylinders. - - CAMERON'S VOICE - ...You're not talking me into this - one. I have to live with the man. - I'm sorry but... - - The roar of the engine is overtaken by the sound of a - crowded school hallway. - - 85 INT. SCHOOL. JEANIE 85 - - She comes out of a classroom. She stops as Sloane and Rooney - walk past. Sloane has her coat on and she's carrying her - books. Jeanie watches her suspiciously. - - 86 EXT. SCHOOL 86 - - The Ferrari is parked out in front. The top is down. - - 87 INT. FERRARI 87 - - Ferris is driving. He's wearing a man's hat and sunglasses. - Cameron's in the back. - - CAMERON - Are you crazy?! Put the top back - up! - - FERRIS - This is perfect top-down weather. - CAMERON - What about Rooney? - - FERRIS - Cameron, the more obvious we are, - the less likely we are to get - caught. - - CAMERON - That makes no sense whatsoever. - - FERRIS - The adult mind is a suspicious - machine. - (look around at Cameron) - Stay down, man. - - Cameron squeezes himself lower. - - CAMERON - Howcome it's my Dad's car and - I'm taking all the risk and I have - to ride back here? - - FERRIS - I don't have an explanation. - - 88 EXT. SCHOOL 88 - - Rooney and Sloane come out the door. - - ROONEY - Once again let me say how deeply - saddened I am by your loss. - - SLOANE - Huh? - - ROONEY - Were you close to your grandmother? - - SLOANE - Oh. Um. Yeah. Very. She was a terrific - lady. Very hip. Very old. Yeah. - - DEEP VOICE - Oh, Sloane! Dear! - - Sloane looks across at the Ferrari. Rooney looks. - - THEIR POV - - Ferris is looking out across the roof of the Ferrari. He's - careful to keep his nose and mouth below the roofline. - - FERRIS - Hurry along now! - - EXT. SCHOOL - - Rooney's suspicious. Sloane smiles and bids Rooney a hasty - farewell. - - SLOANE - I guess that's my Dad. Thanks. - See ya. - - She hurries to the car. Rooney watches her. Something does - compute for him. - - 89 INT. SCHOOL. JEANIE 89 - - She's watching out the door. She sees the Ferrari pull away. - - 90 EXT. SCHOOL. ROONEY 90 - - He can't quite put his finger on what's bothering him. - - 91 INT. FERRARI 91 - - Sloane shrieks with delight. She leans across the console - and gives Ferris a kiss. - - SLOANE - This is so great! I can't believe - it! Right in front of Rooney! - - She laughs and turns to Cameron. - - SLOANE - Hi, Cameron. You comfortable? - - CAMERON - Hi. No. - - SLOANE - What a fabulous car! - - CAMERON - Enjoy it quick. It' s going home. - - FERRIS - It was risky, it was bold but - it was totally necessary. - - SLOANE - What're we gonna do? - - FERRIS - The question isn't "what are we - gonna do", the question is "what - aren't we going to do." - - CAMERON - Don't tell me we're not going to - take the car home. Please. - - FERRIS - (to CAMERA) - If you had access to a car like this - would you take it back right away? - Would you give up feeling like a - ton just to ease your best friend's - tension? - - He smiles. - - FERRIS - Either would I. - - 92 EXT. STREET. FERRARI 92 - - It accelerates away like a shot. - - 93 EXT. SUBURBAN BANK 93 - - A fresh, modern bank building. The clock outside read 9:53. - The Ferrari pulls into the parking lot. - - 94 INT. BANK. DOORS 94 - - Ferris, Cameron and Sloane walk in. Ferris is cocky and - confident. Sloane's still intoxicated with her freedom. - Cameron's having stomach trouble. Ferris leads the way to an - open teller window. - - INT. BANK. TELLER - - A WOMAN about seventy with a silver blue beehive. It's about - four inches higher the highest beehive you're ever seen. As - she moves the beehive hits a small sign over her head. She's - been at the bank since they opened. She smiles when she sees - Ferris. - - TELLER - Ferris Bueller? - - FERRIS - - He's at the window. On either shoulder are Cameron and - Sloane. Ferris smiles. Cameron blanches. - - FERRIS - Hello, Mrs. Froeling. How are you? - - TELLER - - She pats the rock-solid mass of blue hair. In doing so she - locates a missing ball point pen. She withdraws it from the - hair and smiles at it's reappearance. - - TELLER - I passed a kidney stone Tuesday, so - I'm a little pooped but other than - that, I'm as chipper as can be. - (something occurs to her) - Say, should you be in school? - - FERRIS - - He lays his savings bonds on the counter. - - FERRIS - Me? - (polite laugh) - I'm out of school, Mrs. Froeling. - In fact. I'm married. This is my - wife...Madonna. - - Sloane suppresses a laugh. - - FERRIS - (to Cameron) - And this is my brother-in-law, - ZZ Top. ZZ, this is Mrs. Froeling. - - Cameron isn't amused. - - TELLER - (to Cameron) - Is Top a Slavic name? - - CAMERON - Yeah. - - FERRIS - I'd like to cash these in, please. - We're having a baby and we need the - cash for a crib, clothes, diapers, - food pellets, leash, water dish... - - INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW - - Mrs. Froeling takes the bonds with a hearty smile. The - latter part of the conversation sails over her like a line - drive. - - TELLER - A baby! - (to Sloane) - You must be so excited. - - Cameron groans and turns away from the sham. - - SLOANE - I'm thrilled, ma'am. I'm especially - looking forward to wearing those - jeans with the stretch panel in - front. - - Mrs. Froeling thumbs through the bonds. - - TELLER - Are you hoping for a boy or - a girl? - - SLOANE - Actually, we're hoping for a car. - - CU. CAMERON - - He's spooked by the games playing. He scans the bank - nervously. He blinks, focuses, blinks again. - - HIS POV - - Joyce is with a MIDDLE-AGED COUPLE and their bored, - sour-puss teenage son, BOYD. He's sitting in a chair with - his legs slung over the sides waving a Bic lighter back and - forth across his rump. The parents are Joyce's clients from - Vermont. A LOAN OFFICER is discussing the local financing - situation with them. His is an open office adjacent to the - teller windows. Joyce's back is to the tellers. - - CU. CAMERON - - It's like he's just witnesses an ax murder. - - CAMERON - Shit... - - INT. BANK. JOYCE - - Her back is to the teller windows. She's conducting her - meeting. Behind her we see Cameron grab Ferris and point her - out to him. He waves. Cameron slaps his arm. - - INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW - - Mrs. Froeling shows Ferris the savings bonds. - - TELLER - These bonds aren't mature. If you hold - onto them another two years you'll get - an additional four dollars... - - FERRIS - I'm aware of that. - - TELLER - You're throwing away four dollars. - - FERRIS - No, ma'am, I'm giving it to the - government. They need it. Do you - know what an aircraft carrier's - going for these days? - - INT. BANK. JOYCE - - She concludes her meeting. She shakes hands with the loan - officer and stands. The Vermont Couple stands. Boyd scrapes - the bottom of his shoe on the desk, leaving a glob of mud - behind and he stands. Joyce turns into the bank. Ferris, - Cameron and Sloane are gone. She escorts her customers out. - - INT. BANK. DOOR - - Joyce and the Vermont Couple approach the doors. Boyd lays a - luggie in the drinking fountain. Mrs. Froeling passes with - the savings bonds. She stops when she sees Joyce. - - JOYCE - Mrs. Froeling, how are you? - - MRS. FROELING - I passed a kidney stone Tuesday. - (shifts gears, to Joyce) - Say, you must be very proud. - - Joyce doesn't know what she's talking about. - - MRS. FROELING - (whispers) - I met Madonna. - - She pats Joyce on the arm. - - MRS. FROELING - She told me everything. Keep me posted, - I'll want to send a gift. - - She toodles on her way. Joyce and the Vermont Couple are - completely baffled. - - 95 EXT. BANK 95 - - Joyce and the Vermont Couple walk along the side of the - bank, heading for the parking lot. Boyd's tagging along - behind. He picks up a stone and hurls it into the parking - lot. - - JOYCE - My son's home sick today. If - you wouldn't mind, on our way - back to the office, I'd like - to just run in and check up on him. - - We HEAR A METALLIC PING! as Boyd's missle hits a car. - - MOTHER - Of course. - - They pass a show window. As they pass, we hold on the - window. It's promoting saving for college educations. A - mannequin father is congratulating his mannequin son in a - mortar and gown as a stiff Sloane, Ferris and Cameron look - on proudly. - - 96 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 96 - - His secretary is dialing a number for him. - - SECRETARY - This is the Peterson's home. - - She hands the phone to Rooney. - - SECRETARY - Watch your mouth this time. - - Rooney glares at her. - - ROONEY - Ferris Bueller's behind this. There's - no doubt in my mind. That's what I was - saying this morning. Why he has to be stopped. - He's got Sloane Peterson involved in this - thing now. See? - - The secretary nods. - - SECRETARY - And her grandmother, too. - - 97 CU. PHONE ANSWER MACHINE 97 - - It clicks on. We hear a grieved woman's voice. It sounds an - awful lot like Sloane. - - SLOANE - We can't come to the phone right now. - We've had a death in the family. If - you need to reach us we'll be at - the following number... - - 98 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 98 - - Rooney quickly takes down a number. - - 99 EXT. CAMERON'S HOUSE 99 - - His answering machine clicks on. We hear Cameron's voice. - - CAMERON'S VOICE - You have reached the Coughlin Bros. - Mortuary. We are unable to come to - the phone right now but if you'll leave - your name and number... - -100 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 100 - - Rooney hangs up the phone. - - ROONEY - Something's going on, goddamn it. - - The secretary's looking at a newspaper on Rooney's desk. - She's not listening to him. - - SECRETARY - There's a railroad strike. - - ROONEY - And I'm going to stop it! - - SECRETARY - My brother-in-law'll appreciate it. - - Rooney looks at her, puzzled. - - ROONEY - What? - - SECRETARY - My brother-in-law rides the train - to work. - - Rooney stares at her like she's crazy. - - ROONEY - Who gives a good goddamn? - -101 EXT. EDENS EXPRESSWAY 101 - - The major thoroughfare into the city of Chicago from the - suburbs. The Ferrari streaks past. In the distance we see - the Sears Tower, the Hancock Building and the Standard Oil - Building. - -102 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 102 - - Jeanie's walking down the hall. She's stopped by a KID with - a Coke can. - - KID - Yo. We're collecting money to - buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney. - - Jeanie stares at him. She's flabbergasted at the proportions - her brother's scan has reached. - - KID - They run about fifty g's so it - you could help out... - - JEANIE - Go piss up a flagpole! - - KID - Huh? - - She knocks the can out of his hands and storms down the hall. - The kid yells after her. - - KID - Hey, babe! Some day you might - need a favor from Ferris Bueller! - Then where'll you be?! - - He reaches for the can. - - KID - Heartless wench... - -103 EXT. CHICAGO LOOP. PARKING GARAGE 103 - - The Ferrari pulls into a large parking garage. - - EXT. GARAGE - - Ferris, Sloane and Cameron get out. Cameron's having fits. - - CAMERON - We can't leave the car here! - - FERRIS - Why not? - CAMERON - Because we can't! I want it back - home where it belongs! - - SLOANE - What could happen to it? - - CAMERON - It could get stolen, wrecked, scratched, - you name it. - - FERRIS - I'll give the guy a five to watch it. - - CAMERON - What guy? - - CU. PARKING ATTENDANT - - He smiles with relish at the car. 6'6", 240. An IQ that - equals his hourly wage. Shoulder-length hair stuffed into a - hairnet Gold teeth. Earring. Goatee. - - EXT. PARKING LOT - - The Attendant swaggers over to the car. Ferris slips him a - give. - - FERRIS - You speak English? - - ATTENDANT - Since I was three. - - FERRIS - Great. I want to you take extra special - care of this vehicle, okay? - - He pats the Attendant on the arm. He smiles. - - ATTENDANT - Like it's a beautiful woman. - - FERRIS - I appreciate it. - - The Attendant very gingerly gets into the car. Ferris turns - to Cameron. The Ferrari pulls into the lot very slowly, very - carefully. No squealing tires, no revving engine. - - FERRIS - See what a finski can do to - a person's attitude? He's going - to treat it like a beautiful - woman. - - CAMERON - Yeah, sure. Whip it with a stick - and piss on the hood. - - SLOANE - Oh, please, Cameron. Do you have to - be so graphic? - - She heads down the street. - - SLOANE - This is so right! - - Ferris nudges Cameron on. They exit the garage and head - after Sloane. A long beat and the Ferrari creeps down the - exit ramp of the garage. It's gone in the entrance and out - the exit. Another attendant jumps in the passenger side. - He's skinny, tall, with a huge knit hat willed with dreads. - He lets out a spirited laugh and the Ferrari peels out of - the lot. It heads down the street away from Sloane, Ferris - and Cameron. - -104 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 104 - - Joyce's care pulls in the driveway. She gets out and heads up - the house. - -105 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 105 - - It's dark. There's a figure in the bed. We hear soft - snoring. A wire runs from under the bed covers to the closet - door to the door to the room itself. - - INT. ROOM. DOOR KNOB - - The wire is tied to the doorknob. It's taut. Downstairs, we - hear a door open and close. - -106 INT. HOUSE. STAIRWAY 106 - - Joyce quietly walks up the stairs. - -107 INT. HOUSE. HALLWAY 107 - - Joyce comes up the stairs and crosses to Ferris' room. She - listens at the door. WE HEAR THE SNORING. - - CU. DOORKNOB - - Joyce slowly turns the doorknob and pushes the door open a - crack. - - HER POV - - The door opens and the figure-like lump in the bed moves. - - CU. JOYCE - - She smiles and closes the door. - -108 INT. ROOM. CLOSET 108 - - The closet door is open. The wire from the bedroom door is - strung over the top of the closet door. A trophy is attached - to the end of the wire and it's resting on a yard stick. As - the bedroom door closes, the trophy lifts up off the - yardstick and the lump in the bed goes back down to it's - original position. - - CU. FERRIS' SYNTHESIZER - - Little LED's are lighting up to the rhythm of the snoring. - The snoring it simulated. - -109 INT. HALLWAY 109 - - Joyce listens at the door another beat. She's smiles with - relief and affection. - -110 EXT. SEARS TOWER. LATER 110 - - HELICOPTER SHOT moves in on the world's tallest building. As - it passes we see three figures pressed against the windows. - - FERRIS (VO) - This is the world's tallest building. - From our vantage point here on the - 103 floor, we are provided with a - view of four states. - - CAMERON (VO) - Do you think the car's alright? - - FERRIS (VO) - Illinois, Michigan, Wisconsin and - my personal favorite, Indiana. - -111 INT. SEARS TOWER OBSERVATION DECK 111 - - Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are standing against the window. - - CAMERON - I don't feel good, Ferris. Are - we gonna stay long? - - FERRIS - Take a step back... - - Ferris steps back. Sloane and Cameron follow suit. - - FERRIS - Now, lean against the glass. Like - this... - - He leans forward, putting all his weight on his forehead. - - FERRIS - And look down. - - Sloane leans forward. Cameron follows, reluctantly. - - SLOANE - Oh, shit! - - HER POV - - The street far, far below. A dizzying view. - - INT. OBSERVATION DECK - - The three are leaning against the glass. - - SLOANE - What if the glass gives? - - FERRIS - Death. - - SLOANE - Cool. - - CU. CAMERON - - He's looking down. - - CAMERON - I think I see my Dad. - -112 EXT. STREET LEVEL 112 - - A middle-aged man, Cameron's father, HORACE FRYE, is - standing on the street corner. He's lean, clean, tough and - humorless. He's wearing a puzzled look on his face. - - CAMERON'S FATHER - I think I see my car. - - HIS POV - - The Ferrari screams down the avenue and disappears down the - underground ramp. - -113 INT. SEARS TOWER LOBBY 113 - - Ferris and Sloane bound down the escalator. Cameron follows - glumly. They dance past the giant Calder mobile. They're - singing. - - FERRIS AND SLOANE - I BEEN ALL 'ROUND THIS GREAT BIG WORLD - AND I'VE SEEN ALL KINDS OF GIRLS - YEAH, BUT I COULDN'T WAIT TO GET - BACK IN THE STATES - BACK TO THE CUTEST GIRLS IN THE WORLD - I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA - I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA - -114 EXT. STREET 114 - - Ferris and Sloane burst out the doors garnering the annoyed - stares of the business people busily going in and out of the - building. Cameron politely waits his turn to exit. Ferris - and Sloane head down the street. Cameron follows. - - FERRIS AND SLOANE - I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA GIRLS! - -115 EXT. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE 115 - - Giant old monolith. - -116 INT. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. TRADING ROOM 116 - - Traders are frantically buying and selling commodities. - -117 INT. GALLERY 117 - - Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the gallery - watching the proceedings. - - SLOANE - Do you love me? - - FERRIS - Do you love me? - - SLOANE - I asked you first. - - FERRIS - Yes. You? - - SLOANE - Yes. - - FERRIS - Would I trash a day of education to - be with you if I didn't love you? - - SLOANE - Yes. - - FERRIS - Would I risk damaging a deep and - wonderfully enriching relationship - with my parents if I didn't love you? - - SLOANE - Yes. - - FERRIS - Would I have introduced you as my wife - if I didn't love you? - - SLOANE - Wait a minute. That was a lie. - - FERRIS - True. - - Ferris puts his arm around Sloane. - - FERRIS - Would you want to get married? I - mean if I wasn't an asshole. - - SLOANE - Sure. - - FERRIS - (serious) - Today? - - Sloane stares at him. Is he serious. - - FERRIS - I'm game. - - SLOANE - No way! - - FERRIS - I'll do it, if you will. - - Cameron suddenly adds his two cents. - - CAMERON - You need a blood test. - - Ferris looks around at him. - - FERRIS - Huh? - - CAMERON - If your blood's not compatible, - you could produce a pinhead. The - state requires a blood test. - - FERRIS - So? - - CAMERON - So, you can't get married today. - - FERRIS - Tomorrow? - - CAMERON - If you get a blood test today. - - SLOANE - I'm not getting married. - - CAMERON - I'm with you, babe. - - FERRIS - Why not? - - SLOANE - What do you mean, why not? Think - about it. - - FERRIS - Besides being too young and your - father hating my guts and not - having any place to live and feeling - awkward about being the only cheer- - leader with a husband, give me a - good reason why not. - - CAMERON - I'll give you two. My mother and - father. - - Ferris and Sloane look at him curiously. - - CAMERON - They're married and they hate each other. - (to Ferris) - You've seen them. Am I right? - - FERRIS - You're father's a toad and your - Mom's always wired out, but so what? - They're old. That's natural. - - CAMERON - It makes me puke. Seeing people - treat each other like that. It's - like the car. He loves the car. - He hates his wife. - - SLOANE - My parents are divorced. So what? - It's not like it doesn't happen - ten thousand times a day. - - CAMERON - Just because it happens doesn't - make it right. Are you comfortable - with it? - - SLOANE - No. It's not something I can get comfortable - with. I've tried. Are yours divorced? - - CAMERON - They may as well be. - - SLOANE - Do you think they're staying together - because of you? - - Cameron hasn't seen it that way. He shrugs. - - SLOANE - Do they like you? - - It hasn't occured to Cameron that his parents might not like - him. That parental love might not be a given. - - CAMERON - Yeah. Sure. - - SLOANE - Consider this...my father canned me - and my brother and my Mom for a - twenty five year old dipso with fake - tits. He dropped us like a rock. Everything - was cool at our house. I thought so. - We all thought so. Then BLAM! It's over. - - FERRIS - (to CAMERA) - This is all news to me. She keeps a - pretty good secret. - - SLOANE - (to Cameron) - It was pure selfishness. When I have - a kid, I don't care how much I want - something, if it's gonna screw-up the - kid, forget it. - - FERRIS - (to CAMERA) - She's not lying. - - CAMERON - You could change. - - SLOANE - Yeah. But I'm gonna try not to. - I'm gonna think about it. I'm - gonna try to prevent it. - - FERRIS - This is optomism. It's a common - trait with my age group. Adults - think it's cute, it's like a charming - quick that infests youth. But it's - a cool thing and I think, deep down, - crusty old shits wish they had some. - They wish they had her, too. - (points to Sloane) - Sorry. She's taken. - - CAMERON - I'd rather not have my family break - apart, thank you. - - SLOANE - Well, you know what? It ain't up - to you. It's out of your hands. - - CAMERON - So, I in other words, I should just - sit back and watch it crumble? - - SLOANE - You're merely an inhabitant in their - universe. - - FERRIS - Frightening choice of words. - - SLOANE - They call the shots. When you split - from them, you call the shots. - - CAMERON - So, you're saying I should run away? - - FERRIS - No. She's saying it's time for lunch. - - SLOANE - What? - - FERRIS - Let's go feed Cameron. - - They stand up and head out. Ferris hangs back a moment. He - cups his hands to his mouth. He yells at the top of his - voice. - - FERRIS - BUY! - - And he exits. Cool and casual. - -118 INT. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. TRADING FLOOR 118 - - It explodes with activity in response to Ferris' shout. - We HEAR A RADIO ANNOUNCER. - - ANNOUNCER - Commodity prices rose sharply today - in unusually heavy trading... - -119 EXT. RESTAURANT 119 - - A French restaurant on the Gold Coast. It's noon. - -120 INT. RESTAURANT 120 - - Ferris, Sloane and Cameron are standing in the restaurant. - Ferris is looking at the maitre 'd's reservations book. - - HIS POV - - His fingers runs down to a party of three for 12:00. - - INT. RESTAURANT - - The maitre'd returns. - - MAITRE'D - (to Ferris) - May I help you? - - FERRIS - Yes. I'm Abe Frohman. Party of - three for 12:00. - - The maitre'd looks at Ferris curiously. - - FERRIS - Is there a problem? - - MAITRE'D - You're Abe Frohman? - - FERRIS - I'm Abe Frohman. - - MAITRE'D - (chuckles) - I'm sorry, son. I'm very busy right - now. If you have trouble finding the - door... - - Sloane tugs Ferris' sleeve. He ignores her. - - FERRIS - Are you suggesting that I'm not - who I say I am? - - MAITRE'D - Shall I call the police? - - CAMERON - Let's go...Abe. - - FERRIS - I'm not going anywhere. - (to the Maitre'd) - Call the police. Go ahead. Better - yet... - (grabs the phone) - ...I'll call myself. - - Cameron chokes. Sloane grits her teeth. The maitre'd smiles - smuggly. - - CU. PHONE - - Ferris punches out a number. A beat and the restaurant's - second line lights up and the phone rings. - - INT. RESTAURANT - - The maitre'd motions for the phone so that he can answer the - call. Ferris waves him off angrily. - - FERRIS - You touch me and I yell "rat!" - There's another phone around here. - Find it. - - The maitre'd backs off. - - CAMERON - Ferris, let's split, please? - - SLOANE - Cameron's right. We're gonna - get busted. - - FERRIS - Not a chance in the world. - - He hands the phone to Sloane. - - FERRIS - Ask for Abe Frohman. - - INT. RESTAURANT. LATER - - Ferris, Sloane and Cameron are seated in the restaurant. The - maitre'd is hovering over Ferris. - - MAITRE'D - I appreciate your understanding. - - FERRIS - Don't grovel, Charles. Just leave - us to our repast and all will be - forgotten. - - MAITRE'D - Enjoy your luncheon. - - FERRIS - Thank you. - - The maitre'd backs away. Ferris smiles. Sloane is impressed. - Cameron is flushed with nerves. - - FERRIS - Darling, you were wonderful. - - SLOANE - Oh, but I had a wonderful teacher. - - FERRIS - Cameron, dear friend? - - Cameron looks to Ferris. - - FERRIS - And you thought we wouldn't have - any fun. Shame on you. - - Ferris disappears behind his menu. - -121 EXT. SCHOOL 121 - - We HEAR HALLWAY SOUNDS AND JEANIE. - - JEANIE (VO) - Ferris Bueller's days are numbered. - -122 INT. GIRL'S LOCKER ROOM 122 - - Jeanie's sitting on a bench in a field hockey uniform. She's - talking to a FRIEND. - - JEANIE - (mean, vicious) - I'm gonna bust his buns. - - FRIEND - Why? What's the point? - - JEANIE - Why? Because I'm sick of the little - dope. He manipulates my parents, he - does whatever he wants, whenever he - wants and he never gets nailed. - (wicked pause) - Well, babe, today I'm the hammer. - - She yanks angrily on the velcro strap on her sneakers. The - straps rip off in her hand. - - FRIEND - I think he's cute. - - JEANIE - Sweetie, it's an established fact that - you have no taste. Ferris is not cute. - He's not charming. He's not nice. He's - not a wonderful person. He's an ignorant - mule and the sooner everybody in this - school comes to that realization the - better off we'll all be. - - She displays the velcro straps to her friend. - - JEANIE - See? My brother strokes you, you - sympathize with him, I get pissed - off and this is what happens! - - Jeanie tosses the straps on the floor. - - JEANIE - Let me tell you something. I study - hard, I work hard, I'm polite, I'm - considerate, I'm friendly and fair - to all kinds of people. Except - morons. I try to be everything a - good, decent person should be and - you know what? - - FRIEND - Everybody thinks you're an asshole. - - Jeanie freezes with her next sentence pinned to her tongue. - - JEANIE - Excuse me? - - FRIEND - I don't think you're an asshole. - - JEANIE - Who does? - - Her friend smiles sheepishly. - - JEANIE - Rachel? - - Jeanie's friend shrugs, wags her head, does everything but - verbally confirm. - - JEANIE - Rachel's a dirt bag. Who else? - - FRIEND - I don't know. Just forget it. - - JEANIE - Forget that everybody thinks I'm an - asshole? Would you like everybody to - think you're an asshole? - - FRIEND - Not everybody thinks you're an - asshole. Mr. Rooney likes you. - - JEANIE - Oh, hey. That's exciting. A fat - fifty year old clod with B.O. - likes me. - - Jeanie shakes her head in disbelief. - - JEANIE - Would everybody be happier if - maybe I were to die in a flaming - car accident or something? - - FRIEND - Maybe if you didn't cat like and - asshole... - - JEANIE - Am I acting like an asshole? - - FRIEND - I didn't mean it that way. - - JEANIE - I this a conspiracy to shit all - over me or something? Is my brother - behind this? Tell me if he is or I'll - sock your tits. - - FRIEND - You really do have a problem, Jeanie. - - JEANIE - Me? I have a problem? - - FRIEND - Somebody who threatens to sock people's - tits has a problem. - - JEANIE - Alright. How about if I sock your - face? - - Jeanie's friend gets up. - - FRIEND - Take a walk, Jeanie. - - Her friend exits. - - JEANIE - (yells after her) - If it means anything to you, I - have my period! MY BODY'S RIDDING - ITSELF OF OLD EGGS, GODDAMN IT! - - She snarls and slumps against the lockers. - - JEANIE - He's gone. He's over. He's monkey meat. - -123 INT. MEN'S ROOM. CHEZ PAUL 123 - - Ferris is standing at the urinal. - - FERRIS - She's a person who views life as - an ordeal that must be endured. Her - body is a transport vehicle for her - anger. I don't know where she gets - this shit. Basically, the family's - pretty cool. - - He looks down at the urinal. - - FERRIS - I wonder if everybody shoots at - cigarette butts in urinals? Probably - not many women. - (continues) - I used to think that my family was - the only one that had weirdness - in it. It used to worry me. Then I - met Cameron and I saw how his - family functioned. - - He zips this trousers and steps away from the urinal. - - FERRIS - Cameron's home life is really shit. - He wasn't lying. That's why he's sick - all the time. It really upsets him. - What he said about his parents hating - each other? I refuse to sleep over at - his house. His parents fight all the - time. Even when I'm there. Is there - anything worse than being at somebody's - house when their parents are fighting? - It's the absolute height of social - discomfort. - - He checks his hair in the mirror. - - FERRIS - When they go after each other, Cameron - tightens up. It's scary. He gets so - wadded-up, you couldn't pry his buns - apart with a crowbar. The thing with - taking his old man's car? It's good - for him. It teaches him to deal with - his fear. Plus, and I must - be honest here, I love driving it. - I highly recommend picking one up. - - He exists the men's room. We hold a beat. A toilet flushes. - Another beat and Tom walks out of the stall. He crosses to - the sink. - -124 INT. RESTAURANT 124 - - Cameron and Sloane have been served their lunches. They're - staring at the plates. - - CAMERON - What is it? - - SLOANE - I don't know. But it looks like - it's already been eaten and digested. - - CAMERON - I knew it was a mistake letting - Ferris order for us. - - Ferris slides over to the table and drops into his seat. - - FERRIS - What are you doing? - - Cameron looks at Ferris. - - CAMERON - What is this shit? - - FERRIS - You got me. I don't speak French. - - He puts his napkin in his lap and smells his plate. - - FERRIS - I think it's a land-based beefoid - creature. - - He takes a bite. He savors the taste. - - FERRIS - Splendid. - - CAMERON - Really? - - FERRIS - Superb. - - Cameron and Sloane try theirs. They chew tentatively. - - FERRIS - Good? - - Sloane and Cameron shrug. It's not bad. A WAITER passes. - Ferris stops him. - - FERRIS - Yo, Clouseau! - - The waiter stops and looks at Ferris indignantly. - - FERRIS - I have a growth on my brain that - causes memory lapses. Could you - tell me what we ordered here? - - The waiter glances at the plates. - - WAITER - Sweetbreads. - - FERRIS - Uh, huh. And what might that be? - - WAITER - Pancreas. - - FERRIS - As in the gland that has important - functions in digestion and metabolism? - - CU. SLOANE AND CAMERON - - They stop chewing. They're holding their sweetbreads in their - mouths. - - CU. FERRIS - - He continues his questioning. - - FERRIS - ...That secretes a thick, colorless fluid - containing digestive enzymes? The home - of the world famous isles of Langerhans? - - CU. WAITER - - He nods broadly, knowing that he's spoiling the kids' meal. - - CU. SLOANE AND CAMERON - - They look at each other. - - CU. FERRIS - - He pats his mouth with his napkin. He looks to Cameron and - Sloane. He raises a finger, holds it a beat and gives a cue. - - CU. WAITER - - He turns away as Sloane and Cameron spit out their food. - - CU. FERRIS - - He watches Sloane and Cameron then glances at the waiter. - - FERRIS - Check, please! - -125 EXT. RESTAURANT 125 - - Tom and his two GUESTS are standing at the curb, talking. A - cab is waiting. The door's open. In the B.G. Ferris, Sloane - and Cameron come out of the restaurant. They approach the - cab. Tom's back it to Ferris. Ferris stops cold. - - FERRIS, SLOANE, CAMERON - - They turns on cue at Tom, now in the B.G., turns toward the - restaurant. - - FERRIS - 40,000 restaurants in the downtown - area and I pick the one my father - goes to. - - CAMERON - We're gonna get nabbed, for sure. - - FERRIS - No way, Cameron. Only the meek - get nabbed. The bold survive. - Let's go. - - He turns to the cab. Sloane and Cameron turn slowly. - - EXT. STREET. CAB - - Tom and his party are still jawing at curbside. Ferris, - Sloane and Cameron slowly approach the cab. Behind the backs - of the men, Ferris scoots Sloane into the cab. Cameron - dashes in. The Ferris hops the cab. - - INT. CAB - - Ferris slams the door. - - CU. CAB DOOR HANDLE - - A man's hand reaches for the handle as the cab pulls away. - - EXT. RESTAURANT - - Tom and his guests watch in bewilderment at their cab takes - off. MUSIC COMES UP. - -126 EXT. MUSEUM OR SCIENCE AND INDUSTRY 126 - - The grand old Chicago museum. - -127 INT. MUSEUM. OVERHEAD SHOT 127 - - The main gallery is crowded with school kids. - - INT. MUSEUM. FLOOR - - A class of kids walking along holding hands. Among the - second graders are Ferris, Sloane and Cameron, holding hands - looking like giant grade schoolers. - - INT. MUSEUM. DISPLAY CASE - - Baby chicks are hatching in a huge, round incubator. Sloane, - Ferris and Cameron are intently watching the process. - - INT. MUSEUM. COAL MINE - - Sloane, Ferris and Cameron ride in the coal train in the - coal mine replica. Ferris and Sloane are making out. - - INT. MUSEUM. INDUSTRIAL DISPLAY - - Sloane operates a metal press to produce a tin ashtray. - - INT. MUSEUM. HEART REPLICA - - A giant, walk-thru replica of a human heart. Ferris staggers - out of it, clutching his heart, feigning a massive heart - attack. - - INT. GERMAN U-BOAT - - Ferris is examining the controls of the captured U-Boat. He - checks to see if he's being watched then he presses a button - and pulls a lever. - - CU. PROPELLER - - For the first time in forty years, the screw turns. - - CU. HUMAN FETUS IN A BOTTLE - - The famous stages of life display which features bottled - fetuses. The ninth month. A tiny human being in a jar. - - CU. SLOANE, FERRIS, CAMERON - - Sloane wants to cry. Cameron's stomach is in his throat. - Ferris is lost in thought. The MUSIC ENDS. - - SLOANE - (remorsefully) - I wonder if he has a name? - - FERRIS - (blank) - Ninth Month. - -128 EXT. CHICAGO RIVER. LONG, HIGH SHOT 128 - - From the Merchandise Mart, looking down the fetid, green - swath of water. A boat is rolling up the man-made canyon. - - CAMERON (VO) - Are you guys worried about nuclear war? - - FERRIS (VO) - Cameron, it's a beautiful day, we've - won our freedom, we're traveling down - one of American's most scenic polluted - waterways and you have to bring up - nuclear war? - - SLOANE (VO) - It is kind of raggy subject, Cam. - - CAMERON (VO) - Regardless. It's with us every day. - The possiblity of global destruction. - - SLOANE (VO) - Don't you think it's an issue because - people need something to worry about? - They have to like, have some major - problem that puts all their little - bullshit into some kind of persepective? - - CAMERON (VO) - Maybe. - - FERRIS - They used to have Viet Nam. They - used to have the oil crisis stuff - and Iran. That's over and people - have to have their big issue. It's - not like somebody came up with the - nuclear holocaust yesterday at - noon, you know. - - SLOANE (VO) - To answer your question...No, I'm not - worried about it at all. - - FERRIS (VO) - We don't know when the bombs going - off. We do know, however, that college - starts in the fall. - - CAMERON (VO) - (dramatic, deadly serious) - Do you know what a nuclear winter is? - - Long beat. - - SLOANE (VO) - Yeah. Everybody's dead, it's real - cold and the skiing's for shit. - - The boat makes the turn in the river and CLEARS FRAME. - - EXT. BOAT DOCK - - The three are sitting on the aft deck of the tour boat. - Their feet are up on the railing. Very casual, very relaxed. - Discussing the end of the world. - - SLOANE - My step-father's always going off about - how when he was young he was committed to - all these causes. - - FERRIS - He's full of shit. All the old hippies - are full of shit. - - SLOANE - He says I don't care about things like - he did. - - FERRIS - What's he care about now? - - SLOANE - Baldness, fatty meats and money. - - FERRIS - I rest my case. - - CAMERON - What's spooky is they still control - everything. They took over when they - were young and they never gave it up. - - FERRIS - One of the most frightening experiences - of my young life has been observing - my parents and our neighbors playing - the Baby Boom Edition of Trivial Pursuits. - It's chilling to see people crazed with - the minutia of their past. - - CAMERON - It's human nature to like what you had - better than what you have. - - SLOANE - Agreed. - - A loud speaker on the boat identifies a point of interest. - - LOUDSPEAKER - TO YOUR LEFT IT THE WORLD'S TALLEST - BUILDING... - - The three look to the left. - - LOUDSPEAKER, FERRIS, - SLOANE, CAMERON - The Sears Tower. - - CAMERON - You know, this is all very interesting - but I'm starving. - - FERRIS - An hour ago you wanted to yack. - - CAMERON - I feel better now. - - FERRIS - Lean over and grab a fish. - - Cameron looks over the side of the boat. An obtuse thought - flashes through Sloane's brain. - - SLOANE - What comes after a nuclear winter? - - FERRIS - Nuclear spring. - -129 EXT. SCHOOL 129 - - Meanwhile... - -130 INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE DEAN'S OFFICE 130 - - Jeanie is having a small moral debate with herself. - - JEANIE - It's reprehensible to squeal on - your own flesh and blood...but it's - for his own good. His cavalier - attitude will get him into trouble - later in life...and it'll continue - to piss me off and I'll get so - wadded-up that it'll cause cervex cancer - and he'll ruin my life. Screw him. - - She slips into the Dean's outer office. - -131 INT. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE 131 - - Rooney's secretary is behind her desk. Jeanie walks in. The - secretary looks up and greets her with a weary smile. - - SECRETARY - Hello, Jeanie. Who's bothering - you now? - - Jeanie scowls at her. - - JEANIE - Is Dean Rooney in? - - SECRETARY - I'm sorry, he's out. Can I help you? - - JEANIE - (condescending) - I seriously doubt it. When's he back? - - SECRETARY - I don't know. He left the grounds - on personal business. - -132 EXT. STREET. CU. CURB 132 - - A car tire rolls into FRAME and stops. Slide across to the - sidewalk. Rooney's dress shoe steps out onto the pavement. - Move up to reveal Rooney standing at the door of his - bile-green LeBaron. Rooney peels off his shades and looks - around like he's Dirty Harry. In his mind he is Dirty Harry. - - CU. FIRE HYDRANT - - Rooney's dres shoe on the hydrant. He ties his lace and - pulls up his sock. - - EXT. STREET - - Rooney straightens his tie and jacket and slips into a rowdy - hot dog joint. - -133 INT. HOT DOG STAND 133 - - It's jammed with construction workers, secretaries, suburban - businessmen. It's loud and confusing. Rooney pushes his way - in and scopes the crowd. - - HIS POV - - A young person is playing a video game in a far corner. - - CU. ROONEY - - He suspects it's Ferris. It look sort of like Ferris. He - smiles and cuts into the crowd. - - CU. THE BACK OF THE VIDEO PLAYER'S HEAD - - MOVE IN on the player. - - ROONEY (OC) - I've been waiting a long time - for this. - - The player looks up. - - ROONEY (OC) - Your ass is mine. - - The player turns around. It's a GIRL. - - CU. ROONEY - - The blood evacuates his face. He stares at the girl. - - CU. GIRL - - She stares at him. She picks up her Coke. She puts the straw - to her lips and sucks. - - CU. ROONEY - - He's still staring. He can't think of anything to say. - - CU. GIRL - - Holding the straw in the mouth, she draws it out of the cup. - She raises it, pointing it directly in Rooney's face. - - CU. ROONEY - - He squints - - CU. GIRL - - She blows a strawful of Coke in Rooney's face. - - CU. NAPKIN HOLDER - - A hand yanks a napkin hold. - - INT. HOT DOG STAND. SERVICE COUNTER - - Rooney wipes his face. Behind him is the kitchen and a - grease-covered TV set broadcasting a Cubs baseball game. - There's a long foul ball. The TV camera follows the ball - into the stands. A kid makes a stab at the ball. Rooney - wipes his suit off. The TV camera zooms in on the boy - triumphantly holding the foul ball aloft. It's Ferris. - He does a little celebration dance. Rooney wads up the - napkin and tosses it in a trashbin. The TV camera returns to - the game. Rooney glances at the screen. - - ROONEY - What's the score? - - HOT DOG MAN - Zero to zero. - - ROONEY - Who's winning? - - HOT DOG MAN - Cubs. - - Rooney nods and exits. - -134 EXT. WRIGLEY FIELD. STANDS 134 - - Ferris sits down with the baseball. He shakes his stinging - paw. On either side of him are Cameron and Sloane. Cameron's - scarfing nachos. - - FERRIS - I think I broke my thumb. - - SLOANE - Can we leave now? - - FERRIS - You want to leave? We just got here. - - SLOANE - You got a call, you broke your thumb, - what's left to do? - - Cameron offers his nachos to Sloane. She looks at them with - disgust. - - SLOANE - No wonder you're always sick. - - Ferris leans back, puts his hands behind his head and turns - his face to the bright sun. - - FERRIS - Do you realize that if I played by - the rules, right now I'd be in gym? - -135 EXT. HIGH SCHOOL. PLAYING FIELD 135 - - A boy's gym class is doing laps. A blue Fiat pulls into the - shot. - -136 INT. FIAT 136 - - Jeanie's at the wheel. She sneaks a glance at the school. - - JEANIE - I can't believe my brother's making - me put myself in a position where I - could get expelled. Selfish little - moron. - (pause) - Ferris? You're overshadowed - me long enough. I'm gonna get - you, buddy. - - She puts the car in gear and drives out of the shot. - -137 EXT. STATE STREET 137 - - A parade is underway. Floats and politicians. Marching - bands, drum and bugle corps, soldiers, school kids. Figure - skating club in outfits and skates performing their routines - on pavement. It's GERMAN-AMERICAN APPRECIATION DAY. - - EXT. STATE STREET. FLOAT - - Riding atop on a float is Ferris. He's waving to the crowd. - He and half a dozen homely German-American Beauty Queens. - He's leading the girls in singing, "DANKE SHOEN". - - EXT. STATE STREET. SLOANE AND CAMERON - - They're watching Ferris go by. They wave to him. - - SLOANE - I love him. - - CAMERON - It's hard not to. - - Cameron breaks a smile. As worried as he is about the day - and getting caught, he has to admire Ferris for his lack of - inhabitions. Cameron mumbles a few words. - - CAMERON - Stop...water...want... - - SLOANE - Do you believe in reincarnation? - - CAMERON - Huh? - - SLOANE - Do you believe that you lived before? - - CAMERON - Yeah. Sort of. - - SLOANE - DO you ever wonder what you were? - - CAMERON - I don't have to wonder. I know. - - Sloane looks at him with amazement. - - CAMERON - I was a tractor tire. - - EXT. STATE STREET. FLOAT - - Ferris is on his knees, reaching down from the float, - shaking hands with people in the crowd. - - FERRIS - Guten tag, dude! - - EXT. STATE STREET - - Sloane and Cameron continue their conversation. - - CAMERON - What were you in a previous life? - - SLOANE - I'm not sure but I think I know - who Ferris was. - - CAMERON - Hannibal. - - SLOANE - From the A-Team? - - CAMERON - No. The guy who rode the elephants - into Switzerland. - - Sloane laughs at herself. They step out of the crowd and - head down the street in the direction the parade's heading. - - SLOANE - I think if he was anybody, he - was Magellan. You know, the guy - who went around the world. - - Cameron nods. - - SLOANE - I could see him ignoring popular - belief and taking off on some - impossible mission. - - CAMERON - Yeah. As long as I've known him, - everything works for him. There's - nothing he can't handle. I can't - handle anything. School, parents, - the future. Ferris can do anything. - - EXT. STATE STREET. FLOAT - - Ferris is playing "TWIST AND SHOUT" on the accordian. The - girls on the float are singing. - - FERRIS - WELL, SHAKE IT UP, BABY, NOW! - - GIRLS - SHAKE IT UP, BABY - - FERRIS - TWIST AND SHOUT! - - GIRLS - TWIST AND SHOUT! - - FERRIS - COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, BABY ON! - COME ON AND WORK IT ON OUT! - - GIRLS - WORK IT ON OUT! - - EXT. STREET. SLOANE AND CAMERON - - They continue their conversation. - - SLOANE - The future's worse for a boy, isn't - it? - - Cameron doesn't understand what she means. - - SLOANE - A girl can always bail out and - have a baby and get some guy - to support her. - - CAMERON - That's a pretty grim thought. - - SLOANE - True, but it's an option. No options - is worse. - - CAMERON - I don't know what I'm gonna do. - - SLOANE - College. - - CAMERON - Yeah, but to do what? - - SLOANE - What are you interested in? - - CAMERON - Nothing. - - SLOANE - Me either. - - They walk on for a few beats. We HEAR "TWIST AND SHOUT" - GROWING LOUDER AND LOUDER. The sons is taking over all the - other tunes in the band. It's infecting the entire parade. - - CAMERON - What do you think Ferris is gonna - do? - - EXT. STATE STREET. MARCHING BAND - - They're playing TWIST AND SHOUT. - - EXT. STREET. MOUNTED POLICE OFFICER - - He's singing. - - POLICE OFFICER - YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO GOOD! - - EXT. STREET. PUNKS - - A band of PUNKS are dancing on the roof of a news kiosk. - - PUNKS - LOOK SO GOOD! - - EXT. STREET MOTHER AND HER CHILDREN - - A WOMAN and her two TODDLERS sing along. - - WOMAN - YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO FINE! - - TODDLERS - LOOK SO FINE! - - EXT. STREET. BLACK TEENAGER - - He's wearing a shower cap and a maroon overcoat. - - TEENAGER - COME ON AND TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! - - EXT. STREET. OLD NEWSPAPER SELLER - - He singing along. - - NEWSPAPER SELLER - TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! - - EXT. STREET. CHOIR GROUP - - They're marching down the parade. They're singing in their - angleic voices. - - CHOIR - AND LET ME KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! - - EXT. STREET. STREET CLEANERS - - With their brooms ready... - - STREET CLEANERS - KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! - - EXT. STREET. DECK - - The entire parade is singing and playing "TWIST AND SHOUT". - - EXT. STREET. VIEWING STAND - - The POLITICIANS and their WIVES stand up. - - POLITICIANS AND WIVES - AH! - - EXT. STREET. VIEWING STAND - - The CLERGYMEN stand. - - CLERGYMEN - AH! - - EXT. STREET. VETERANS - - Marching in formation and in WWII uniforms. - - VETERANS - AH! - - EXT. STREET. FLOAT - - Ferris leads the Beauty Queens in the rousing finale. - - FERRIS - AH! - - EXT. STREET. WIDE AND HIGH - - The entire parade is at frenzy pitch. - - PARADE - AHHHHH! - - The SOUND OF THE VOICES blends with the SOUND OF A RED-LINED - HIGH PERFORMANCE ENGINE. - -138 EXT. CALUMET CITY 138 - - The Port of Chicago. Grim, gritty waterfront. Suddenly, - Cameron's father's car flies OVER CAMERA. Like the opening - shot in Star Wars. The Starship Ferrari. SLO-MO. - - CU. FERRARI UNDER-CARRIAGE - - It travels past to reveal a beautiful blue sky. SLO-MO. - - CU. PARKING ATTENDANT - - His eyes are wide with exhilaration. Mouth open, tongue out. - Maniac at the wheel. SLO-MO. - - CU. RASTAMAN - - His eyes are closed. Big smile. SLO-MO, - - EXT. STREETS. KIDS - - They're looking up in the air, following the car as it flies - over them. Broad, excited smiles. The car's shadow passes - over them. SLO-MO. - -139 CU. CAR GRILLE 139 - - It fills the frame and stops. We MOVE UP to reveal Rooney - behind the wheel of his car. - - EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE - - Rooney gets out of his car. He looks at the house, looks up - and down the street, then crosses to Ferris' house. - -140 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 140 - - Rooney's at the front door. We see him peek in a window at - the top of the door. The doorbell rings. - -141 INT. HOUSE. FERRIS' ROOM. COMPUTER 141 - - It acknowledges the doorbell. - - CU. CASSETTE PLAYER - - It clicks on. - -142 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT PORCH 142 - - The house intercom activates. We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE. - - FERRIS - Who is it? - - Rooney presses the intercom. - - ROONEY - This is Ed Rooney, Ferris. I'd - like to have a word with you. - - FERRIS' VOICE - I'm sorry I can't come to the door - right now. I'm very ill and I'm - afraid that in my weakened condition, - I could take a nasty spill down the - stairs and subject myself to further - school absenses. - - There's a pause. Rooney presses the intercom again. - - ROONEY - B.S. Come down here. - - FERRIS' VOICE - You can reach my parents at their - places of business. Thank you for - stopping by. I appreciate your concern - for my well-being. It will be remembered - long after this illness has past. - - His voice clicks off. Rooney presses the intercom again. - - ROONEY - I'm not leaving until you come - down and talk to me. - - FERRIS' VOICE - Have a nice day. - - Rooney presses the intercom. - - ROONEY - I'm not leaving, Ferris. - - There's no response. Rooney rings the doorbell again. The - pre-recorded litany starts over. - - FERRIS' VOICE - Who is it? - - Rooney doesn't realize that he's listening to a recording. - - ROONEY - Don't get smart with me Ferris! - - FERRIS' VOICE - I'm sorry I can't come to the door - right now. I'm very ill and I'm - afraid that in my weakened condition... - - Rooney leans back from the door. He can't quite figure out - what's going on. But's it's highly suspicious. - -143 INT. HOUSE. LIVING ROOM 143 - - Rooney steps through the hedges and peeks in the windows. We - HEAR FERRIS' VOICE inside. - - FERRIS' VOICE - You may reach my parents at their - places of business. - -144 INT. HOUSE. KITCHEN 144 - - Rooney tries to peak in the kitchen window. - - FERRIS' VOICE - I appreciate your conern for my - well-being. It will be remembered - long after... - -145 EXT. HOUSE. BACKDOOR 145 - - A black rubber doggie door. The type that allows a dog to - come and go as it pleases. Rooney is crouched down. He lifts - the doggie door and peeks in the house. - - HIS POV - - Along the kitchen floor. Through the kitchen, into the - dining room. We hear a LARGE DOG GROWL. - - CU. ROONEY - - He's peaking through the door. He hears the dog. His face - freezes. - - FERRIS - Have a nice day. - - EXT. HOUSE. DOGGIE DOOR - - A Rottweiler bursts through the doggie door in a fury of - gnashing teeth and foam. - -146 CU. LARGE BREASTS 146 - - Tassled pasties twirl like airplane propellers. - - CU. CAMERON, FERRIS AND SLOANE - - They're sitting in a booth in the garish, nearly deserted - strip joint. Cameron's mouth is open in amazement. Sloane is - embarrassed and revolted. - - CAMERON - How does she do that? One goes - one way, one goes the other. - - FERRIS - She's probably schizophrenic. - - SLOANE - Ferris, this is nauseating me. - Really. I'm losing respect for - you by the bucket. - - FERRIS - You don't think it's amazing that - we got in? - - SLOANE - Who wants to get in? - - FERRIS - Cameron looks like a toddler, for - Christ's sake. I'm talking about - a major achievement in false - identification. - - SLOANE - I'm not interested in watching - someone jiggle their mammary glands. - - FERRIS - Point well taken. But consider why - she does it. Why she does it and - you don't. - - SLOANE - I'm not a tramp. - - FERRIS - Maybe her life fell apart. Maybe she - lost somebody. A lover. A boyfriend. - A parent. A child... - (to CAMERA) - This kind of thing makes me a little - depressed. You may think because I'm - the age I am that I'm a sex maniac. - That sex is all I think about. - But that's not true. I'm a romantic. - I think alot of people my age are. - We think about love and matters of - the heart. And SAT scores and acne - aside, we worry about lonliness. It's - a terrible thing. And we feel it. I - feel it. - - He flips his collar up, curls his lip and affects an Elvis - impression. A sappy, do-wop track FADES UP. The club lights - go down. Cameron and Sloane disappear into darkness. Ferris - stands up from the booth. He strolls slowly through the - empty club as the stripper bumps and grinds in a pool of - blue light. - - FERRIS - You know, someone said the world's a - stage and each must play a part. - Fate had me playing in love, with you - as my sweetheart. Act one was when we - met. I loved you at first glance. You - read your lines so cleverly and never - missed a cue. Then came act two. You - seemed to change. You acted strange. - And why, I've never known. - - He climbs up on the little runway. The stripper disappears - in darkness as Ferris takes over the spotlight. - - FERRIS - Honey, you lies when you said you - loved me and I had no cause to - doubt you. But I'd rather go on - hearing your lies than to go on - living without you. Now, the stage - is bare and I'm standing there with - emptiness all around and if you won't - come back to me, then they can bring - the curtain down... - - Elvis fades up. The orignal recording. Ferris lip synchs - with the big, dramatic florish that was the King's trademark - ballad sign-off. - - ELVIS - IS YOUR HEART FILLED WITH PAIN? - SHALL I COME BACK AGAIN? - TELL ME DEAR, ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT? - - Ferris drops his head. Like the King would. - -147 EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET. CAMERON'S CAR 147 - - Cameron's father is looking at the car. He's studying it. It - looks terribly familiar. He leans into the open car and - reaches for the glovebox to see if the contents will confirm - if it's his. He freezes. He looks up slowly. - - HIS POV - - The Attendant and the Rastaman are glowering at him. They're - holding bags of fried chicken. - - ATTENDANT - You looking for something in my - car? - - CU. CAMERON'S FATHER - - He shakes his head, no. - - CAMERON'S FATHER - No. - -148 EXT. FERRIS' TOWN. JEANIE 148 - - Jeanie's standing at her car. She's staring incredulously - into the distance. Her mouth's open. She's shaking her head - slowly. - - HER POV - - Spray-painted on the town water tower in gigantic black - letters -- SAVE FERRIS BUELLER. - - CU. JEANIE - - She's furious. - - JEANIE - I'm gonna microwave his nuts... - -149 EXT. MICHIGAN AVENUE 149 - - Afternoon traffic. - -150 INT. TAXI CAB 150 - - Ferris, Sloane and Cameron in the backseat of a checker. - Ferris is on one window, Cameron on the other. Sloane's in - the middle. Ferris is talking to the DRIVER. - - FERRIS - So... - - He leans forward and reads the driver's name off the city - license. - - FERRIS - So, Yuri, how long have you been - in America? - - DRIVER - One year. - - FERRIS - What's your overall impression? - - DRIVER - It's very good here. - - FERRIS - Better than Russia? - - DRIVER - Much better here than in Russia. - - FERRIS - Clearly you've never been to an - American high school. - - Ferris sits back. He puts his arm around Sloane. - - CAMERON - It's getting late, Ferris. I have - to get the car home. I know you - don't care, but it means my ass. - - FERRIS - You think I don't care? - - CAMERON - I know you don't care. - - FERRIS - That hurts, Cameron. - - SLOANE - Jump back, Ferris, Cameron's been - a good sport. - - FERRIS - Cameron, what'd you see today? - - Cameron looks at him. - - FERRIS - You saw four states, a submarine, - a giant heart, seventy five dollars - worth of cooked pancreas, two of the - most incredible breasts ever to come - out of modern plastics, major - league baseball and... - (quizical look) - Are you gonna chuck your nachos? - - Cameron's staring past Ferris. He's frozen. Ferris realizes - he's looking at something out the window. He turns. He - freezes. - - HIS POV - - In the gridlock traffic, their cab is squeezed tight - alongside another cab. In that cab is Tom. He's about a foot - from Ferris. He turns and looks right into CAMERA. - - TOM'S POV - - Ferris' frozen face. - - FERRIS' POV - - Tom glances back at his paper. He pauses. Looks up. Thinks. - Turns back to CAMERA. - - TOM'S POV - - Sloane is sitting where Ferris was. She's wearing - sunglasses, looking bored. She turns and glances out the - window. Fakes a yawn. - - HER POV - - Tom stares at her. He's baffled. He looks away. - - INT. CAB. FLOOR. - - Cameron and Ferris are on the floor. On their asses, with - their backs to the back of the front seat, feet up on the - seat. - - FERRIS - (to Sloane) - What's he doing? - - SLOANE - (revolted) - He's looking at me and he's licking - the glass and making obscene gestures - with his hands. - - FERRIS - What?! - - Sloane bursts out laughing. - - SLOANE - Roast! - - She licks her finger and touches Ferris knee. She makes a - sizzling sound. She collapes on the seat in hysterics. - - INT. TOM'S CAB - - Tom's looking into Ferris' cab. - - HIS POV - - Sloane's bouncing up and down. - - CU. TOM - - He can't quite figure out what's going on. He turns and - slowly raises his newspaper over his face. We see on the - back of the paper a small story with the headline: COMMUNITY - RALLIES AROUND SICK YOUTH. - -151 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE. BACKYARD. DOG 151 - - The Rottweiler's chewing on a shoe. Tearing it apart. - - EXT. BACKYARD. ROONEY - - He's standing outside the fence. He's missing a shoe. His - suit pants are torn from the crotch to the knee. His suit - coat pocket is torn off. His hair's messed and there're - grass-stains on his knees and elbows. He's looking in at the - dog. - - ROONEY - That's a $28.00 dress shoe, you - worthless mutt! - - HIS POV - - The Rottweiler leaps at CAMERA. - -152 EXT. CITY STREET 152 - - Ferris is leading the way down Michigan Avenue. He's - hustling through the crowd. He has Sloane by the hand. She's - jogging to keep up. Cameron's a few steps behind. He keeps - bumping into people. Ferris and Sloane make the turn at - Wacker Driver and disappear into the Stone Container - Building. Cameron follows, mumbling again. - - CAMERON - Money...tits...please... - -153 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT 153 - - A florist truck pulls up in front of the house. A DELIVERY - MAN gets out iwth a huge floral arrangement. He heads up to - the house. - -154 EXT. HOUSE. PORCH 154 - - Rooney's sitting on the porch patting a bloody knee with his - handkerchief. The delivery man hops up on the steps. Rooney - looks up at him. He greets Rooney cheerily. - - DELIVERY MAN - Howdy! - - He presses the doorbell. A beat and we hear Ferris' - recording. - - FERRIS' VOICE - Who is it? - - The Deliver Man presses the intercom. - - DELIVERY MAN - Focus on Flowers. I have a delivery. - - FERRIS' VOICE - I'm sorry but I can't come to the - door right now. I'm very ill and I'm - afraid... - - ROONEY FERRIS' VOICE - It's a recording, asshole. ...that in my weakened - condition, I could take a - DELIVERY MAN nasty spill and subject - What's your problem? myself to further school - absenses... - ROONEY (pause) - He's one of my students. You can reach my parents - at their places of - DELIVERY MAN business. Thank you for - Little bugger's dying. stopping by. I appreciate - your concern for my well- - ROONEY being. It will be - What? remembered long after - this illness has passed. - - DELIVERY MAN - As I heard it from our mailman - he was supposedly born with only - half a kidney. - - FERRIS' VOICE - Have a nice day. - - DELIVERY MAN - (to the intercom) - Thank you. - (continues) - I don't know the details. But my - boss had to send to Milwaukee to - get more orchids. He's very - popular. - - Rooney is flabbergasted. - - DELIVERY MAN - Nobody's home here? - - ROONEY - No. - - DELIVERY MAN - You gonna be around for awhile? - - ROONEY - I imagine so. - - DELIVERY MAN - You wanna keep an eye on these? - - Rooney looks at the flowers. Then he looks at the Delivery - Man. - - DELIVERY MAN - (happy sigh) - It really touches me that so many people - are rallying behind this guy. I guess - there's hope for the human race afterall. - - He hands the arrangement to Rooney. - - DELIVERY MAN - Gotta run. - - He bounds off the porch and trots to the truck. Rooney looks - incredulously at the arrangement. He opens the attached - card. - - ROONEY - (defeated) - Oh, Christ... - - CU. CARD - - It's signed: - - ALL OUR BEST FOR A SPEEDY RECOVERY - THE ENGLISH DEPT. FACULTY AND STAFF - -155 INT. RADIO STATION STUDIO 155 - - The number one afternoon FM rock'n roll D.J. is sitting - behind his microphone. - - D.J. - I don't know who that was or - what they were playing but I - apologize for it nonetheless. - (pause) - I have a guest with me today... - -156 INT. STUDIO. FERRIS 156 - - He put his headphones on. - -157 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 157 - - Jeanie's car pull in the driveway. We hear her car radio. - - D.J. - His name is Ferris Mueller. - - FERRIS - Bueller. Ferris Bueller. - - INT. CAR. JEANIE - - She goes into shock. Her eyes blink, her head cocks. - - D.J. - Sorry about that. - - FERRIS - It's cool. - - Jeanie draws back and punches out her radio. - - CU. CAR ANTENNA - - The impact of her blow to the radio shoots the antenna in - the air. - -158 INT. STUDIO 158 - - Ferris leans forward and adjusts the microphone. - - D.J. - He has an incredible story. - - Ferris turns to CAMERA. - - FERRIS - I'm going to tell a massive lie here. - It's going to by very thick and very - steamy. I think radio's a facinating - medium, it challenges the imagination. - Unlike television which provides the - images, radio... - (pause) - You know this. Anyway, it's always been - a dream of mine to be on the radio. - I have what I consider to be an excellent - broadcast voice. I practise it in the - bathroom all the time. I used to play - records and do introductions to them. - But I've never had the chance to sit - behind a microphone and try it out - for real. This is a 50,000 watt outlet. - I'm going out to several million people - so let me just say, I'm in a very pleasant - groove right now. - (clears his voice, - speaks into the - mike, affects a - "radio" voice) - Well, Steve, you and your listeners are - probably not going to believe this but... - -159 INT. SCHOOL 159 - - A group of kids are sitting around a blaster. - - FERRIS' VOICE - ...I'm the first Chicago area youth - to be selected to participate in - a space shuttle mission. - -160 INT. STUDIO 160 - - Ferris turns from the mike to CAMERA. - - FERRIS - I was going to say I knew Springsteen's - home phone number and I was going - to give out the number of the New - Jersey State Police but I thought I - might get busted. After I got flunked - in driver's ed for sideswiping a mail - box, which was not in any way, shape - or from my fault. I was putting out a - cigarette, like I was told. It was weird. - I'm so used to getting in a car and - lighting up, because I'm not allowed to - smoke at home, that I got in the driver's - ed. car and spaced completely, pulled out - of the lot, lit up a 'boro and Mrs. Heller - looked at me like I'd just pulled a bunny - out of my nose or something and I realized - what the hell I was doing and I went to - put it out and hit the mail box. Anyway, - I was so pissed off at her reaction to - the whole thing that I considered running - an ad in a sleaze magazine for a school - teacher that does phone sex and I was gonna - use Mrs. Heller's home number but is cost - too much. I took it again and passed. But - I had to work at Burger King to get the - cash to pay for the driver's ed. car. The - car got fixed in auto shop for nothing and - I think Rooney pocketed the cash. But I - can't prove it? I'm in high school, remember? - - He turns back to the DJ. - - D.J. - How did you get picked for this. - - FERRIS - It's kind of a long story but I've - been doing alot of programming for - NASA. - -161 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 161 - - A even larger group of kids is listening to the blaster. - They're cheering him on. - -162 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE. BACKYARD 162 - - The Rottweiler is laying unconscious on the lawn. The flower - arrangement is scattered all over the yard and the ceramic - vase the flowers were in has obviously struck the dog. The - broken pieces are all around the dog's head. - - EXT. FERRIS HOUSE. BACKYARD. ROONEY - - He's smiling with great satisfaction. - - ROONEY - Sleep tight, pooch. - - He hears something in the house. His head snaps around. He - drops down and peek in the windows. - - HIS POV - - A glimpse of a fleeting figure. - - CU. ROONEY - - His eyes dance in anticipation of revenge. - -163 INT. HOUSE. FERRIS' ROOM 163 - - Jeanie kicks the door open. The yardstick flings the covers - and the pillows beneath them in the air. She stomps in and - turns off the snoring synthesizer. - - JEANIE - I knew it! - - She grabs the phone and sits down. She dials a number. - -164 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT 164 - - Rooney sneaks around the side of the house. He slinks up on - the porch. The front door's open. He peeks in. - -165 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 165 - - Jeanie's on the phone. - - JEANIE - Is Mrs. Bueller there? Where is she? - This is her daughter. Do you know where - she is? Do you know when she'll be back? - Do you know anything? - - She slams the phone down. - - JEANIE - The worm has luck like clams - have body odor... - - She's startled by a noise downstairs. A smile spreads across - her face. He's back and she's going to nail him. - -166 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 166 - - Rooney sneaks into the house. He looks around the foyer and - heads into the kitchen. - -167 INT. HOUSE. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY 167 - - Jeanie tiptoes down the stairs. - -168 INT. HOUSE. KITCHEN 168 - - Rooney sneaks through the kitchen into the den. - -169 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 169 - - Jeanie comes down the stairs into the foyer. - -170 INT. HOUSE. KITCHEN 170 - - Rooney comes out of the den, back into the kitchen. He - crosses back toward the foyer. - -171 INT. FOYER 171 - - Jeanie sneaks into the kitchen. - -172 INT. KITCHEN 172 - - Jeanie and Rooney come face-to-face. Jeanie squeals in - horror. She doesn't recognize Rooney as himself but as an - intruder. She drops into a karate stance and kicks Rooney in - the face. He hits the deck. She flees back up the stairs. - -173 INT. CAR 173 - - Boyd is sitting in the backseat of Joyce's car listening to - the radio. - - FERRIS' VOICE - My input on the Star Wars defense - plan was pretty substantial so I - guess this is their way of rewarding - me. I'm pretty flattered. - - EXT. CAR - - Joyce and her clients leave a show house and head toward the - car. - - INT. CAR - - Boyd looks out the window as his parents and Joyce appear. - - D.J. VOICE - Can you stay around and take a few - phone calls? - - FERRIS' VOICE - I'd really like to but I have a kidney - operation in about an hour. - - EXT. CAR - - Joyce and her clients take one last look at the house. - - JOYCE - If you're willing to commit a - little time and a little money - to this place, you can really - have something to be proud of. - Don't let the black living room - throw you off. - - She opens the car door. - - INT. CAR - - The door opens. - - D.J. VOICE - I wish you the best of luck. - - FERRIS' VOICE - Thanks, Steve. - - D.J. VOICE - A very interesting guy, Ferris Bueller. - - Joyce gets in. The clients get in the other side. A song - starts. - - JOYCE - (to the kid) - Well, Boyd, how are you bearing - up? - - The kid stares at her. - - JOYCE - Did I tell you I have a son - your age? - - BOYD - Twice. - - JOYCE - His name is Ferris. I think you'd - like him. - - Boyd sits up in the seat at the mention of Ferris' name. - - BOYD - Is he going up in the space shuttle - in September? - - Joyce looks around at Boyd. She gives him a curious look. - - JOYCE - Not that I know of. - - BOYD - I knew he was bullshitting. - - MOTHER - Watch your mouth. - - BOYD - How do you watch your mouth? - - JOYCE - Do you know my son? - - FATHER - Don't pay any attention to him. - He thinks it's cute to bait adults. - - BOYD - I don't think it's cute. I think - it's fun. - - Joyce give him a puzzled smile and starts the car. - -174 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 174 - - Jeanie's on the phone. She's in a panic. - - JEANIE - This is not a phoeny phone call. There's - an intruder, male caucasian, possibly armed, - certainly weird, in our kitchen. - (pause) - My name is Bueller. - - There's another pause. Jeanie's face drops. - - JEANIE - It's real nice that you hope my - brother's feeling better but I'm - in danger, okay? I'm very cute, - I'm very alone and I'm very - protective of my body. I'd rather - not have it violated or killed. - I need help! - -175 INT. KITCHEN 175 - - Rooney's plugging his bloody nose with paper towel. The - intercom goes on. - - JEANIE'S VOICE - Excuse me. If whoever's in the house - is still in the house, I'd like you - to know that I have just called the police. - If you have any brains whatsoever, you'll - get your ass out of my house real quick. - - Rooney stiffens with fear. - - JEANIE'S VOICE - I'd also like to add that I have - my father's gun. And a scorching - case of herpes. - -176 EXT. STREET 176 - - Rooney's car is hooked to a tow truck. It's parked in front - of a fire hydrant and the windshield is decorated with - parking citations. In the distance SIRENS WAIL. - -177 EXT. PARKING LOT 177 - - The three are waiting for the Ferrari. We HEAR TIRES - SQUEALING, AN ENGINE REVING-OUT. Then the Ferrari pulls down - the ramp and jams to a frightening stop. A BLACK GUY jumps - out. Ferris hands him the parking stub. - - FERRIS - Just out of curiosity, what was - your top speed coming down the - ramp? - - BLACK GUY - (matter-of-fact) - About 60. - - FERRIS - Stunning! - - He hands him a buck and opens the door and pulls the - passenger seat forward for Cameron. - - FERRIS - This is probably the last time you'll - have to ride back here. Keep that in - mind. - - Cameron gives him a look and squeezes in. - -178 EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET 178 - - The Ferrari cruises through traffic. - - INT. FERRARI - - Sloane's in the passenger seat. Ferris is driving and - Cameron is crammed in the back. - - SLOANE - What's next. - - CAMERON - Nothing. We return the car. - - SLOANE - We could go to my house. My parents - aren't coming home until late. - - FERRIS - We have enough cash left for a quick - flight to Peoria and back. - - CAMERON - Very funny. - - Ferris looks in the mirror and changes lanes. He glances - down at the speedometer, then to the road. And back to the - speedometer. - - FERRIS - Cameron? How many miles did you - say this thing had when we left? - - CAMERON - One hundred and twenty six and - halfway between three and four - tenths. Why? How many miles are - on it now? - - He glances down at the speedometer. - - CU. SPEEDOMETER - - The odometer reads 432.7. - - FERRIS - (to CAMERA) - Here's where Cameron goes berserk. - - EXT. TRAFFIC - - The Ferrari pulls up at a stop light. We HEAR A THUNDERING, - MUFFLED SCREAM. - - EXT. EXPRESSWAY - - The Ferrari is buzzing through traffic. - - INT. FERRARI - - Sloane turns in her seat and looks at Cameron. Her gesture - is one of genuine support. - - SLOANE - You okay? - - CU. CAMERON - - His eyes are frozen in a mindless, vacant stare. - - CU. FERRIS - - He looks at Sloane. He's concerned. - - FERRIS - Hey, Cameron. It's okay. We'll fix - it. - - CU. CAMERON - - He's still holding the stare. He starts to breathe heavily. - He's trembling. - - CU. SLOANE - - She whips around in the seat and grabs his arms. - - SLOANE - Cameron! Cut it out! What's - wrong?! Ferris! - - CU. FERRIS - - He shoots Sloane a look. - - FERRIS - Cameron, are you okay? It's - no problem, really. Your old - man won't know a thing. It's - completely fixable. - - INT. FERRARI - - Sloane fires an angry look at Ferris. - - SLOANE - Shut-up! It is a problem! For - him it's a problem. Nothing's - a problem for you. But it's - a problem for him! So, just - shut-up. - - She turns back to Cameron. - - SLOANE - What can I do, Cameron? - - CU. FERRIS - - Eyes front. He knows what he's doing. - -179 INT. FERRIS' HOUSE. FOYER 179 - - The doorbell rings. The Ferris' tape is activated. - - FERRIS VOICE - Who is it? - - We hear a MALE VOICE over the intercom. - - VOICE - Anybody home? - - FERRIS' VOICE - I'm sorry that I can't come to - the door right now... - - The tape continues as Jeanie hurtles down the stairs. - - JEANIE - I'm saved! Thank you, God! - Thank you, thank you, thank you! - - She jumps the last few stairs and slides to the front door. - She whips it open. - -180 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT DOOR 180 - - The door swings open. - - JEANIE - Thank...you... - - Her jaw goes slack. She blinks her eyes. - - HER POV - - The Delivery Man and a young ASSISTANT are standing at the - door with floral arrangements. Spread all around them are - more flowers. A sexy singing NURSE and a BALLOON MAN steps - up on the porch. - - NURSE - (sings) - WE HOPE YOU'RE FEELING BETTER - WE HOPE YOU'RE FELLING FIT - WE... - - The door slams shut. - -181 EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET 181 - - Rooney's walking down the street. A school bus is crawling - alongside him as kids hang out the windows. From inside we - hear SHOUTING and seventeen different SONGS PLAYING ON - BLASTERS. A top forty montage. - - KID - Hey, Mr. Rooney! What're you doing? - - Rooney doesn't respond. - - ANOTHER KID - Did you get in a fight? - - Rooney keep walking. The bus doors open. The DRIVER calls - out to him. - - DRIVER - You want a lift? - - Rooney takes a few more steps. He stops. The bus stops. - Rooney takes a deep breath. He climbs aboard the bus. - -182 INT. BUS 182 - - The bus is jammed with WONKS and WEINERETTES. The passengers - are silent as they watch Rooney shuffle down the aisle and - take an empty seat next to a skinny, myopic GIRL. - - CU. GIRL - - She looks at Rooney and smiles. She pushes her Coke bottle - glasses up on her nose. - - CU. ROONEY - - He looks vacantly at her. - - CU. GIRL - - She holds her smile. - - GIRL - I'll bet you never smelled a - real school bus before. - - CU. ROONEY - - He stares at her. - - CU. GIRL - - She holds up a candy package. - - GIRL - Gummi Bear? - - CU. ROONEY - - He stares at her. - - CU. GIRL - - She puts one in her mouth. - - GIRL - They've been in pocket. They're - real soft and warm. - - CU. BOY - - A rotund FRESHMAN BOY sitting across from Rooney is staring - at him. - - CU. ROONEY - - He looks across to the kid. - - CU. BOY - - He leans forward. - - FRESHMAN BOY - It's kind of like being in the - belly of the beast isn't it? - - CU. ROONEY - - He turns him eyes to the front. The bus jerks forward and - pulls away. - -183 EXT. BUS 183 - - It grinds through the gears as it heads down the quiet - street. The BLASTERS go back on, the SHOUTING RESUMES. - -184 EXT. PARK 184 - - Cameron's laying on a picnic table. Sloane's sitting beside - him on the table. She's stroking his hair. Ferris WALKS INTO - THE FOREGROUND. He addresses CAMERA. - - FERRIS - This may very well be for real. I - think Cameron might have blown a - micro-chip or two. He's always been - a little keyed-up. All I wanted to do - was give him a good day. We're - gonna graduate in a couple of months. - Then we have the summer. He'll work - and I'll work. And we'll see each - other at night and on the weekends - but then he'll go to one school and I'll - go to another. And basically that'll - be it. As much as we like each other, - the process of growing up will - separate us. - - He begins to walk. We follow him. - - FERRIS - Sloane's a bigger problem. She still - has another year of high school. How - do I deal with that? I was serious when - I said I'd marry her. I would. This isn't - just teenage infatuation. That's what my - parents call it. What do they call what they - have? If that's love, I'll take infatuation. - - CU. CAMERON - - His eyes are closed. Sloane's stroking his hair. - - FERRIS (VO) - Cameron's never been in love. At - least no one's ever been in love - with him. He's gonna marry the first - girl he lays. And she's gonna treat - him like shit because he's gonna - kiss her ass for giving him what he's - built-up in his mind as the end-all, - be-all of human existance. She won't - respect him because you can't respect - someone who kisses your ass. It just - doesn't work. - - CU. SLOANE - - She's studying Cameron's face. She looks away. - - SLOANE - Ferris? - - CU. FERRIS - - He looks to the picnic table. Then back to CAMERA. - - FERRIS - I'm being tested here. - - He starts back to the picnic table. - - FERRIS - My best friend has flipped-out. - Conventional wisdom would suggest - a visit to the nearest trauma - center. I wouldn't fault anybody - for doing that. My, personally, - I think this calls for something - new, something bold, something wet - and wild. - -185 CU. JACUZZI JET 185 - - UNDERWATER SHOT. A hyrdojet spews a gush of air bubbles. - - CU. BLASTER - - A finger pushes the PLAY button on the cassette. MUSIC COMES - UP. - - CU. BEER CAN LID - - The finger pops a beer. - - CU. OREO PACKAGE - - A painted fingernail pierces the cellophane wrapper. - - INT. JACUZZI - - Ferris and Sloane are in Sloane's parents' Jacuzzi. Their - clothes are tosssed around the deck. Cameron's been placed - in a patio chair at the edge of the Jacuzzi. He's still - catatonic. He's mummbling softly. Ferris is drinking a beer. - Sloane's eating Oreos. - - FERRIS - You feeling any better, Cameron? - - SLOANE - The water's really nice. I wish - you'd come in. - - CU. CAMERON - - Staring into space. - - CAMERON - Surgery...fire...move... - - CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS - - They look at each other. She offers him a cookie. He offers - her his beer. - - FERRIS - Cameron? Do you think this because - of the car or is it a combination - of everything shitty in your life? - - CU. CAMERON - - He doesn't respond. - - CAMERON - Music...kiss...attack... - - CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS - - Sloane sips the beer. - - FERRIS - You just can't deal with anymore - shit? The car took you into the - red zone? Time for a reality check? - - SLOANE - Cameron? I could flip real easy, too. - There's nothing wrong with it. At one - time or another, everybody goes to - the zoo. - - FERRIS - Maybe he was actually sick. Maybe - he wasn't bullshitting himself. - - CU. CAMERON - - No response. - - CAMERON - Gesundheit...God...mercy... - - EXT. BACKYARD - - Ferris and Sloane watch their catatonic friend. - - CU. CAMERON - - He smiles. - - CU. SLOANE - - She leans forward and stares at Cameron. - - CU. FERRIS - - He cocks his head, wondering what Cameron's up to. - - CU. CAMERON - - He keels over forward. - - EXT. BACKYARD - - Cameron falls out of the chair and splashes down, - face-first, into the water. Sloane screams. Ferris leaps for - him. - - UNDERWATER - - Ferris struggles with Cameron's lifeless bulk. - - CU. SLOANE - - She's screaming. Ferris thrashes around in the water. - - UNDERWATER - - Ferris grabs Cameron's collar and rips him out of the water. - - EXT. BACKYARD - - Ferris sits Cameron on the edge of the Jacuzzi. - - FERRIS - CAMERON! - - CU. CAMERON - - His eyes are closed. He's lifeless. - - CU. FERRIS - - His face is a mask of terror. He shakes Cameron. - - CU. SLOANE - - She's screaming. - - CU. CAMERON - - A smile spreads across his face. - - CU. FERRIS - - He sees the smile. He stops shaking Cameron. - - EXT. JACUZZI - - Ferris and Cameron are looking at each other. Sloane's still - screaming. She realizes that Cameron's okay. She stops - screaming. - - SLOANE - What? - - FERRIS - (Cameron) - You asshole! - - Cameron's smiling. - - SLOANE - What? - - Ferris starts to laugh. Cameron explodes with laughter. - Sloane's bewildered. - - SLOANE - What's so funny? - -186 INT. POLICE STATION. WAITING ROOM 186 - - Jeanie's sitting on a wooden bench with a WASTED TEENAGE BOY - in a Triumph t-shirt, long hair, torn jeans, creepers, studs - and chains. He's studying her. - - BOY - Drugs? - - JEANIE - No, thank you. I'm straight. - - BOY - I meant, are you here for drugs? - - Jeanie stares at him. - - JEANIE - Why are you here? - - BOY - Drugs. - - JEANIE - I don't know why I'm here. - - BOY - Then why don't you go home? - - JEANIE - Why don't you put your thumb - up your butt? - - The boy stares at her. - - BOY - You want to talk about your problem? - - JEANIE - With you? Are you serious? - - BOY - Yeah, I'm serious. - - JEANIE - Blow yourself. - - Jeanie turns away. The boy crosses his legs. Jeanie looks - back at him. - - JEANIE - You really want to know what's wrong? - - The boy shrugs. - - JEANIE - Alright. If you've got the time, - I've got the troubles. In a nutshell, - I hate my brother. How's that? - - BOY - That's cool. Did you shoot him or - something? - - JEANIE - No, not yet. - - The boy nods. He understands the emotion. - - JEANIE - I went home to confirm that the - shithead was ditching school and - a guy broke into the house and I - called the cops and they picked me - up for making a phoney phone call. - - BOY - What do you care if your brother - ditches school? - - Jeanie stares at the boy. - - JEANIE - Why should he get to ditch school - when everybody else has to go? - - BOY - You could ditch. - - JEANIE - I'd get caught. - - BOY - So, you're pissed at him because - he ditches and doesn't get caught? - - JEANIE - Basically. - - The boy nods knowingly. - - BOY - Then your problem is you. - - JEANIE - Excuse me? - - BOY - Excuse you. You oughta spend a little - more time dealing with yourself and - a little less time worrying about - what your brother does. It's just - an opinion. - - Jeanie stares angrily at him. Partly because he's so bold - and partly because he's so right. - - BOY - There's somebody you should talk - to. - - Jeanie stares at him threateningly. - - JEANIE - If you say Ferris Bueller, you lose - a testicle. - - BOY - You know him? - - CU. JEANIE'S HAND - - It curls into a fist. - -187 CU. FERRARI TIRE 187 - - It's spinning rapidly. - - CY. ACCELERATOR - - A brick's resting on the accelerator, holding it down. - - INT. CAMERON'S GARAGE - - Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the garage. The - Ferrari is jacked up. The wheels are turning. The engine's - racing. - - CAMERON - The whole time I was just thinking - things over. I was like, meditating. - I was thinking about the future. - And I realized it doesn't make - and difference if the present - goes to shit. - - FERRIS - I have a agree with you there. - - SLOANE - Really. - - CAMERON - I've been thinking all day that if - you could only have the use of one - word, what would it be? - - FERRIS - Sloane is naked before your eyes and - you're thinking about words? - - SLOANE - God bless you, Cameron. - - CAMERON - Thank you, Sloane. - - CAMERON - If you guys only had one word, what - would it be? - - FERRIS - I can't believe you'd think up something - like with a naked girl in a jacuzzi - right in front of you. - - SLOANE - Come on, Ferris, answer his question. - - FERRIS - Bathroom. - - SLOANE - I'd say... - - She thinks. - - FERRIS - Cash. - - CAMERON - It's the only word you could - ever use. - - FERRIS - Hello. - - SLOANE - Love. - - FERRIS - And what is you loathe somebody? - Are you going to say "love" every - time you see them? - - SLOANE - It's better than "hello". - - FERRIS - Hellos' generic. - - SLOANE - You wanna be generic? - - CAMERON - It's help. - - Cameron smiles at his wisdom. Ferris and Sloane think about - it. It's a good choice. Cameron gets up and walks to the - Ferrari. - - CAMERON - The word is help. - - Cameron peeks in the window. - - CU. ODOMETER - - Nothing's happening. - - INT. GARAGE - - Cameron pulls his head out of the car. - - CAMERON - Ferris? It's not working. - - Ferris looks up. - - CAMERON - The miles aren't coming off, running - it in reverse. - - FERRIS - I thought that might be a problem. - Let's crack open the odometer and - roll it back by hand. - - Cameron shakes his head. - - CAMERON - I got a better idea. It's cool. - - He walks back around behind the Ferrari. - - CAMERON - Seventeen years and I've never - taken a stand. Now, I'm gonna - do it. I'm taking a stand against - my father, against my family, - against myself, against my past, - my present and my future. I will - not sit idly by as events that affect - me unfold to change the course of - my life. I will take a stand and I - will defend it. When my father comes - home tonight, he's finally going - to have to deal with me. Good or - bad, I'm taking a stand. - - CU. FERRIS - - He turns to CAMERA. - - FERRIS - This is a big U-2 fan. - - CU. SLOANE - - She smiles proudly at Cameron. She applauds him. - - CU. CAMERON - - He's serious and determined. He has made up his mind and it - appears that it won't be changed by anyone but himself. - - CU. TIRES - - It's spinning wildly. - - CU. MERCEDES BUMPER - - Cameron's foot rests on the bumper. A beat and it gives a - mighty shove. - - CU. TIRE - - The spinning tires slam down on the cement. - - INT. GARAGE - - Cameron has kicked the Ferrari off the jack. It squeals out - of the garage in a cloud of blue tire smoke. A $50,000 - unmanned investment heading backwards down a driveway. - - CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS - - They're in shock. - - EXT. HOUSE - - The Ferrari shoots down the driveway. - - INT. GARAGE - - Cameron watches the car go. He's strangely placcid about the - impending disaster. Ferris and Sloane are bewildered. - - THEIR POV - - The Ferrari travels down the driveway, across the street, - over the curb into the wooded property opposite the house. - - CU. TREE - - The Ferrari's brief journey ends as it smacks a tree trunk. - - INT. GARAGE - - Ferris and Sloane exchange baffled looks. They look at - Cameron. He's proud and bold. - - FERRIS - What was that about? - - SLOANE - This has to be a dream. - - FERRIS - Cameron? One quick question. - Why'd you do that? - - Cameron holds his proud posture for a beat. Then a look of - bewilderment comes over his face. He shoots a look to - Ferris. A puzzled look. - - FERRIS - You trashed the car. - - Cameron looks across the street. - - SLOANE - Why? - - CAMERON - I took a stand. - - FERRIS - No, Cameron. You wrecked a car. - - Cameron thinks for a moment. Then he regains his confidence. - - CAMERON - It's okay. - - Ferris looks across the street at the car. - - FERRIS - I have an idea. If you're interested. - - Cameron looks at him. He shakes his head. - - CAMERON - I'm gonna handle it. - - FERRIS - I think this could work. - - CAMERON - No, thanks. I want to deal with - it by myself. - - SLOANE - What about your one word? - - CAMERON - You already did it. If I need it - again, I'll use it. - - He smiles. He raises am impish eyebrow. - - CAMERON - It's cool. I'm loose. - -188 INT. POLICE STATION. OFFICE 188 - - Joyce is talking with the juvenile officer. Outside the - office, on the bench, we see Jeanie and the boy making out. - - JOYCE - She's never been in trouble before. - This is a shock to me. First, I - don't know why she wasn't at school. - Second, I don't know why she'd call - you with this story about a rapist. - - OFFICER - For whatever reasons she did it, - I think she'd had a good scare. - - JOYCE - I hope so. I appreciate your calling - me. I can assure you that her father - and I will have a long talk with her. - - The gathers her purse and jacket and stands. - - JOYCE - Thank you. - - OFFICER - Oh, by the way, I hope you son's - feeling better. - - Joyce looks at the officer curiously. - - OFFICER - Tell him, all the guys at the - station here are pulling for - him. - -189 INT. POLICE STATION. WAITING ROOM 189 - - Jeanie quickly breaks the embrace with the boy as Joyce - steps out of the juvenile officer's room. She's still a - little bewildered that everybody knows Ferris was ill. - Jeanie wipes her lips and sits up straight. The boy adjusts - his pants to better hide his passion. - - JEANIE - (to the boy) - If you keep this to yourself, I - think we can probably get it on - pretty good. - - BOY - For sure. - - Jeanie stands up. - - JEANIE - Hi. - - JOYCE - Don't "hi" me, young lady. Get - your stuff. - - Jeanie reaches down for her purse. - - BOY - What's your name? - - JEANIE - Jean. What's yours? - - BOY - Garth Volbeck. - -190 EXT. SLOANE'S BACKYARD 190 - - Sloane and Ferris are standing at the back fence. - - SLOANE - I had a great time today. - - FERRIS - Yeah. It was pretty cool. - - SLOANE - You think Cameron's gonna be - alright? - - FERRIS - Sure. He had to so it, I guess. - His old man had it coming. He'll - be okay. I'd be worried if he'd - taken my idea. - - Sloane smiles knowingly. - - SLOANE - You didn't have an idea, did you? - - FERRIS - Not a glimmer. - - SLOANE - You're so smart. - - FERRIS - No. I'm just real loose. - - He kisses her. - - FERRIS - I'll call you tonight. - - Sloane nods. Ferris jumps the fence and takes off across the - backyards. Sloane watches him go. A huge smile spreads - across her face. - - SLOANE - I LOVE YOU! - - She backs away from the fence. MUSIC FADES UP. - - SLOANE - He's gonna marry me. I know it. - - She turns and runs into the house. - -191 EXT. BACKYARD 191 - - Ferris sprints across a backyard. He jumps a plaster elf. - -192 EXT. ANOTHER BACKYARD 192 - - Ferris vaults a fence. He runs directly for a swimming pool. - He's approaching it from the side. He leaps, hits the diving - board, springs off, does a flip and lands on the grass on - the other side of the pool. - -193 CU. BEDSPREAD 193 - - Neatly bundles stacks of bills and rolled coins. A - significant amount of cash. - - CU. SLOANE - - She's writing. - - CU. PIECE OF PAPER - - We see a portion of the typewritten letter as she signs it. - - "...in the amount of $1,765.33. It - gives us great pleasure to assist - you in performance of your worthy - and much needed survives to those - so desperately in need. - - Sincerely, - - Sloane Peterson - Executive Director - The Ferris Bueller Foundation" - -194 EXT. FERRIS' STREET 194 - - He's running down the middle of the street. A car honks. - Ferris moves to the side. The car pulls around him. - - INT. CAR. - - Tom's at the wheel. He glances in the mirror. He does a - take. - - HIS POV. MIRROR - - We see Ferris cut across a front lawn and into a house. - - CU. TOM - - He realizes it couldn't be Ferris. - -195 INT. HOUSE 195 - - Ferris runs through the kitchen, past a WOMAN, fixing dinner - and out her backdoor. The Woman looks up curiously. - -196 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 196 - - Tom pulls in the driveway. He parks and gets out. Joyce - pulls in from the other direction. - -197 EXT. HOUSE. BACK PORCH 197 - - Ferris tries the door. It's locked. He reaches down and - lifts the doormat. - - CU. PORCH - - The outline of a key in the dirt under the mat. The key's - gone. The toe of a chewed-up dress shoe steps INTO FRAME. An - OMNIOUS CHORD IS STRUCK. - - CU. FERRIS - - He stares up in horror. - - HIS POV - - Rooney's looking down at him. He's holding the house key. - - EXT. PORCH - - Ferris stands up. He smiles. - - ROONEY - Looking for this? - - FERRIS - Yes. - - ROONEY - I got you, Ferris. This time I finally - got you. - - Ferris is caught. There's no way out. Rooney gloats - severely. - - ROONEY - How does another year of high - school sit with you? - - Suddenly, the backdoor opens. Jeanie looks out. She feigns - joy and relief. She rushes Ferris and hugs him. - - JEANIE - Thank God, you're alright! We've - been worried sick! - - CU. FERRIS - - A moment of curiosity. Then it dawns on him what's - happening. He smiles. - - CU. ROONEY - - His eyes dart from Ferris to Jeanie to Ferris. His victory - is evaporating. - - EXT. PORCH - - Jeanie breaks the embrace. - - JEANIE - (to Rooney) - Thank you for bringing him home, - Mr. Rooney. - (to Ferris) - You better get up in bed tight - now. - - Ferris limps into the house. - - JEANIE - Can you imagine someone as sick as - Ferris trying to walk home from the - hospital? - (shakes her head) - Kids! - - CU. ROONEY - - He's dumbfounded. - - CU. JEANIE - - She raises her hands and strikes a karate pose. A huge smile - passes over her face. - - CU. ROONEY - - A look of terror as he realizes that is was Jeanie who - kicked him and that Jeanie knows it was he who she kicked. - - EXT. PORCH - - Jeanie steps into the house. - -198 INT. HOUSE 198 - - The door closes on Rooney's defeated, lost, dejected, - bewildered face. Not only has he lost Ferris again, he has - Jeanie to deal with next year. - -199 EXT. YARD. CU. DOG 199 - - The click of the door wakes him up. His head pops up off the - grass. - - CU. ROONEY - - He senses new danger. We hear AN O.C. GROWL. Rooney squeezes - his eyes shut. - -200 INT. KITCHEN 200 - - Kimberly and Todd are sitting at the kitchen table watching - TV and eating cereal. They look up at Ferris as he comes in - from outside. - - TODD - Ferris? Does my head look like - it's getting bigger? - - Ferris leans against the counter as he tries to catch his - breath. He looks at his little brother. - - FERRIS - No, but Kimberly's is. - - He crosses to the refrigerator and opens it. Kimberly feels - her head. - - KIMBERLY - (to Todd) - Is he serious? - - TODD - I think so. - - KIMBERLY - Oh, shit! - - Ferris takes out a bottle of orange juice out of the - refrigerator and drinks straight from the bottle. Jeanie - comes in. - - FERRIS - Thanks, Jeanie. - - JEANIE - No problem. - - FERRIS - By the way, I borrowed some cash - from you. I'll pay you back. - - JEANIE - You don't have to. - - FERRIS - I want to. - - JEANIE - You don't have to. I've been ripping - off your wallet for years. - - Ferris gives her a proud smile. - -201 EXT. HOUSE 201 - - Joyce and Tom head up to the kitchen. - -202 INT. KITCHEN 202 - - Ferris and Jeanie exit the kitchen as Joyce and Tom enter. - - JOYCE - (to Todd and Kimberly) - Hi, guys. - - KIMBERLY - Is my head swelling up? - -203 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 203 - - The foyer is jammed with floral arrangements, plants and - gifts. Ferris and Jeanie step gingerly through the flowers - and head upstairs. - - JEANIE - I'm sorry I've been riding your - buns for so long. - - FERRIS - It's completely cool. - - JOYCE (OC) - Ferris! - - Ferris continues up the stairs. He affects a sickly voice. - - FERRIS - Upstairs, Mom! - -204 INT. SECOND FLOOR LANDING 204 - - Ferris and Jeanie stop. - - JEANIE - Do you know a guy named Garth - Volbeck? - - FERRIS - Vaguely. - - JEANIE - Is he cool? - - FERRIS - He's cool. But stay away from his - brother. - - Ferris walks into the room, brushes the crumbs off his hands - and peels off his shirt. He climbs into bed. No sooner are - the covers over him than the bedroom door opens and Joyce - and Tom walk in. They walk over to the bed. Joyce sits down. - - JOYCE - Honey? - - CU. FERRIS - - The same deathly face he had in the morning. Tongue out, - eyes bulging. - - TOM (OC) - Ferris? How do you feel? - - He pulls in his tongue to speak. - - FERRIS - (deathly gasp) - 150% better, thank you. - -205 INT. BEDROOM 205 - - Tom and Joyce hover over him with deep concern. - - FERRIS - I'm much better, really. Please, - don't make me stay home again. I - want to go to school. I'm graduating - in June and I... - - TOM - Ferris. You're sick. There's no point - pushing yourself and making it worse. - - FERRIS - Maybe you're right, Dad. - - TOM - I know I'm right. - - Joyce leans over and kisses him forehead. - - JOYCE - How did you get so sweet? - - FERRIS - Years of practice. - - Tom pats Ferris on the rump. He and Joyce exit. - - CU. FERRIS - - The hideous face. A beat and we HEAR THE BEDROOM DOOR CLOSE. - Ferris looks at CAMERA. - - FERRIS - (happy sigh) - Yeah, life is a carousel. A - great big crazy ball of pure - living, breathing joy and delight. - - He rolls over on his back and puts his hands behind his - head. - - FERRIS - You gotta get one. - - He smiles. - - MUSIC UP BIG - - END TITLES - - THE END -`).then(e => console.log(`Código finalizado, ${e} mensagens enviadas`)).catch(console.error) From 9a86aee6e254af7c76746b3e1f59c15f3d9134cb Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: peixotmarc <48831018+peixotmarc@users.noreply.github.com> Date: Fri, 20 Oct 2023 14:06:21 +0100 Subject: [PATCH 5/9] Create FerrisBuellerDayOffSendScript --- FerrisBuellerDayOffSendScript | 6887 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 1 file changed, 6887 insertions(+) create mode 100644 FerrisBuellerDayOffSendScript diff --git a/FerrisBuellerDayOffSendScript b/FerrisBuellerDayOffSendScript new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c7656b0 --- /dev/null +++ b/FerrisBuellerDayOffSendScript @@ -0,0 +1,6887 @@ +async function enviarScript(scriptText){ + const lines = scriptText.split(/[\n\t]+/).map(line => line.trim()).filter(line => line); + main = document.querySelector("#main"), + textarea = main.querySelector(`div[contenteditable="true"]`) + + if(!textarea) throw new Error("Não há uma conversa aberta") + + for(const line of lines){ + console.log(line) + + textarea.focus(); + document.execCommand('insertText', false, line); + textarea.dispatchEvent(new Event('change', {bubbles: true})); + + setTimeout(() => { + (main.querySelector(`[data-testid="send"]`) || main.querySelector(`[data-icon="send"]`)).click(); + }, 100); + + if(lines.indexOf(line) !== lines.length - 1) await new Promise(resolve => setTimeout(resolve, 250)); + } + + return lines.length; +} + +enviarScript(` + "FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF" + + by + + John Hughes + + SHOOTING SCRIPT + July 24, 1985 + + + "FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF" + + 1 BLACK SCREEN 1 + + MAIN TITLES + + IT'S SILENT. A BEAT...AND AN EXPLOSION OF SOUND. A HOUSEHOLD + IN THE MORNING. KIDS GETTING READY FOR SCHOOL. CLOCK RADIOS. + KITCHEN APPLIANCES. SHOWERS. FIGHTING. PEOPLE YELLING. DOG + BARKING. APPLIANCES BUZZING. CAR HORNS. IT SOUNDS JUST LIKE + YOUR HOUSE DID. STREAMS OF ROCK'N ROLL FADE IN AND OUT. HUEY + LEWIS TO LIONEL RITCHIE TO HUSKER DU. SURROUND MAKES IT FEEL + LIKE YOU'RE IN THE ROOM. AN AURAL TOUR OF A HOUSE ON A + SCHOOL MORNING. BEGINING IN THE KITCHEN AND MOVING UPSTAIRS. + + FATHER'S VOICE (TOM) + Where's my wallet?! + + SEVEN YEAR OLD BOY (TODD) + YOU IDIOT!! + + TWELVE YEAR OLD GIRL (KIMBERLY) + MOM! + + TODD + SHUT-UP! + + EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL (JEANIE) + I NEED A TOWEL!! + + TOM + JOYCE! + + KIMBERLY + (whispers, sadistic) + When you turn ten, your head's going + to swell up real big like a watermelon + and we're going to have to put you + to sleep like they do with a dog. + + TODD + MOM! + + TOM + JOYCE!! + + JEANIE + WHO PISSED ON THE TOILET SEAT!? MOTHER!! + + TOM + Where's Mom? + + TODD + Is my head going to swell up? + + TOM + What?! + + JEANIE + OH, MY GOD! THE TOILET PAPER'S ALL WET!!! + + MOTHER (JOYCE) + (screams) + TOM! + + The house falls dead SILENT. We hear footsteps thundering + through the house. A TENSE STRAIN OF MUSIC FADES UP. + + TODD + What's that? + + KIMBERLY + Wait! Hold still! + + TODD + What?! + + KIMBERLY + You heads starting to swell up!! + + Todd screams. We hear the sound of Tom's footsteps running + through the kitchen, down the hall, up the stairs, up the + hallway. A door open. + + TOM + (breathless) + What's the matter? + + JOYCE + (worried) + It's Ferris! + + TOM + What's wrong? + + JOYCE + (snaps) + What's wrong? For Christ's sake! + Look at him! + + 2 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS 2 + + An eighteen year-old boy. He's staring lifelessly at CAMERA. + His mouth's open. His eyes are bugged-out. His tongue is fat + and dry in his mouth. He's laying in bed, on his side. + + 3 INT. BOY'S BEDROOM 3 + + Ferris' parents, TOM and JOYCE BUELLER are standing at + bedside. They're in their late forties, early fifties. + Handsome, upper-middle class parents. They're both dressed + for work. + + TOM + Ferris? + + JOYCE + He doesn't have a fever. But he says + his stomach hurts and he's seeing spots. + + 4 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS 4 + + His lifeless eyes blink. + + 5 INT. BEDROOM. PARENTS 5 + + Tom bends down and touches Ferris' forehead. + + TOM + What's the matter, Ferris? + + JOYCE + Feel his hands. They're cold and clammy. + + Tom takes one of Ferris' hands. + + TOM + (discreetly) + Should you call the doctor? + + JOYCE + (whispers) + He doesn't want me to. + + TOM + Why don't you want Mom to call + the doctor? + + Ferris exhales loudly. He tries to speak but all he can + manage is a choked gasp. + + TOM + What? + + Ferris tries again. + + FERRIS + (raspy) + Don't make a fuss. I'm fine. I'll get up. + + He starts to get up. Joyce gently pushes him back down. + + FERRIS + I have a test today. I have to take it. + I want to get into a good college + so I can have a fruitful life... + + JOYCE + You're not going to school like + this. + (to Tom) + Maybe I should call the office and + tell them I won't be in. + + FERRIS + I'm okay, Mom. I feel perfectly...Oh, God! + + He's gripped by a seizure. His body stiffens and he chokes. + His older sister, JEANIE, walks into the room. She's dressed + for school. She's cute and stuck-up. A major pill. + + JEAN + Oh, fine. What's this? What's his problem? + + JOYCE + He doesn't feel well. + + JEAN + Yeah, right. Dry that one out + and you can fertilize the lawn. + + TOM + That's enough, Jeanie. + + JEANIE + You're not falling for this, are you? + Tell me you're not falling for this. + + FERRIS + Is that Jeanie? I can't see that + far. Jeanie? + + JEANIE + Pucker up and squat, Ferris. + + JOYCE + (annoyed) + Thank you, Jeanie. Get to school. + + JEANIE + (angry, defeated) + You're really letting him stay home? + I can't believe this. If I was bleeding + out my eyes, you guys'd make me go to + school. It's so unfair. + + FERRIS + Please don't be upset with me, Jeanie. + Be thankful that you're fit and have + your health. Cherish it. + + JEANIE + (to herself) + Oh, I wanna puke. + + She glares at Ferris. Her eyes are mascara and vengence. She + slips out of the room. Ferris' brother, TODD and sister, + KIMBERLY peek into the room. + + KIMBERLY + Myocardial infarction? + + JOYCE + Get your stuff. Daddy'll be right + down. + + KIMBERLY + Syphilitic meningitus? That would be + a huge family embarrassment. + + TOM + Get downstairs! + + KIMBERLY + If he dies, I got dibs on his stereo. + + She turns sharply and exits. + + TODD + (worried) + Dad? Does my head look alright? + + JOYCE + Get downstairs! Now! + + TODD + Just answer me one question! Is it + swelling up? Kim said it was going + to get as big as... + + KIMBERLY (OC) + A WATERMELON! + + TODD + (yells out the room) + Shut-up! + + JOYCE + Get downstairs! NOW! + + Todd backs out of the room. + + FERRIS + I'll be okay. I'll just sleep. + Maybe I'll have an aspirin around + noon. + + JOYCE + (to Ferris) + I'm showing houses to the family + from California today but I'll be in + the area. My office'll know where + I am, if you need me. + + TOM + I'll check it with you, too. + + FERRIS + It's nice to know I have such + loving, caring parents. You're + both very special people. + + 6 CU. FERRIS 6 + + He acknowledges Tom with a pathetic flutter of his eyelids. + + 7 INT. BEDROOM. JOYCE 7 + + She strokes Ferris' hair. + + JOYCE + I hope you feel better, pumpkin. + + She leans down and kisses his forehead. Tom pats his + shoulder. + + TOM + Get some rest. + + 8 CU. FERRIS 8 + + Ferris lets out a wheeze. His glassy eyes follow his parents + to the door. + + JOYCE (OC) + We love you, sweetie. + + TOM (OC) + Call if you need us. + + They close the door. The lock clicks. Ferris' eyes shift + from the door to CAMERA. A sly, little smile crawls across + his lips. + + FERRIS + They bought it. + + The MTV theme music ROARS IN. + + 9 CU. TV SCREEN 9 + + The TV at the foot of Ferris' bed. The MTV logo is playing. + + 10 INT. BEDROOM 10 + + Ferris yanks open the drapes. The pall of the sickroom + disappears in the brilliant glow of morning sunlight. + + FERRIS + Incredible! One of the worst performances + of my career and they never doubted it + for a second. + (looks out the window) + What a beautiful day! + + He turns from the window. + + FERRIS + Parents always fall for the clammy hands. + It's physical evidence of illness. It's + a good, non-specific symptom. Parents are + generally pretty hip to the fever scams. + And to make them work you have to go a hundred + and one, hundred and two. You get a nervous + mother and you end up in a doctor's office + and that's worse than school. + + He flips on his stereo and fills the room with the MTV + broadcast. A NEW SONG begins. + + FERRIS + Fake a stomach cramp and when you're + doubled over, moaning and wailing, just + lick your palms. It's a little stupid + and childish but then so if high school. + Right? + + He equalizes the sound a little. + + FERRIS + This is my ninth sick day with semester. + If I go for ten, I'm probably going to + have to barf up a lung. So, I absolutely + must make this one count. + + He exits into the hallway. + + 11 INT. BATHROOM 11 + + Ferris walks into the bathroom. It's littered with Jean's + debris. He turns on the shower water. + + FERRIS + I don't care if you're fifty five + or seven, everybody needs a day off + now and then. It's a beautiful day. + How can I be expected to handle + high school? + + He bends down OUT OF FRAME as he loses his briefs. He pops + up. + + FERRIS + I do actually have a test. That wasn't + bullshit. + + He steps into the shower. Through the pebbled glass of the + shower door we see Ferris' outline. + + FERRIS + That I care about it was. + + 12 INT. BATHROOM. SHOWER STALL. 12 + + Inside the shower. Ferris' hair is standing straight up. + It's moulded into a fin with shampoo. + + FERRIS + It's on European socialism. I mean, + really. What's the point? I'm not + European. I don't plan to be European. + So, who gives a shit if they're socialists? + They could be fascist anarchists and it + still wouldn't change the fact that I + don't own a car. + + He turns the shower head around and uses it like a + microphone. + + FERRIS + (sings) + WELL SHAKE IT UP, BABY, + TWIST AND SHOUT... + + 13 INT. HALLWAY. LATER 13 + + Ferris comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around + his waist. He's drying his hair with another of a different + color. + + FERRIS + Not that I condone fascism. Or + and "isms". "Isms", in my opinion + are not good. A person should not + believe in an "ism". He should + believe in himself. John Lennon + said it on his first solo album. + "I don't believe in Beatles, I + just believe in me." A good point + there. Afterall, he was the Walrus. + + He opens a linen closet and tosses the towel in it. + + FERRIS + I could be the Walrus and I'd still + have to bum rides off people. + + He passes CAMERA and goes into his room. + + FERRIS (OC) + I'm not very political? Let me + put that into perspective... + + 14 INT. BEDROOM 14 + + Ferris tosses the towel he's dried hair with on the bed. + + FERRIS + My uncle went to Canada to protest + the war, right? On the Fourth of + July he was down with my aunt and he + got drunk and told my Dad he felt + guilty he didn't fight in Viet Nam. + So I said, "What's the deal, Uncle + Jeff? In wartime you want to be a + pacifist and in peacetime you want + to be a soldier. It took you twenty + years to find out you don't believe + in anything?" + (snaps his fingers) + Grounded. Just like that. Two weeks. + (pause) + Be careful when you deal with old + hippies. They can be real touchy. + + He opens his door. + + 15 INT. CLOSET 15 + + The door opens and Ferris rifles through his shirts. + + FERRIS + My mother was a hippie. But she + lost it. She got old. If she listens + to the White Album now? She doesn't hear + music, she hears memories. Nostalgia is + her favorite drug. It'll probably be + mine, too. I hope not. + + He finds a shirt he likes. He steps back from the closet and + puts it on. He drops the towel. + + 16 INT. BEDROOM 16 + + He walks across the room to his dresser. He opens his + underwear drawer. There's an old model of a submarine on the + top of the dresser. He picks it up. + + FERRIS + In eighth grade a friend of mine + made a bong out of one of these. + The smoke tasted like glue. + + He pulls out a pair of underwear. He gets dressed as he + speaks. + + FERRIS + His name is Garth Volbeck. He's a + serious outsider. Not a bad guy, I + like him. I'm probably his only friend. + I do what I can for him. I mean, if + I was him, I'd appreciate it. Do unto others, + right? Anyway, his mother owns a gas station. + His father's dead and his sister's rumored + to be a prostitute, which is complete bullshit. + She only puts out so people will hang out + with her. It's sad but I don't hold it + against her. Better to hold it against the + guys who use her and don't care about her. + (pause) + My parents never allowed Garth over here. + It was because of his family. Mainly his + older brother. He's in jail. I could see them + not wanting his brother here because he is + a registered psycho. I wouldn't want him here. + I once watched the guy eat a whole bowl of + artificial fruit just so he could see what + it was like to have his stomach pumped. + But Garth isn't his brother. It isn't his fault + that his brother's screwed-up. Alot of fights + with the parents on that point. I always felt + for Garth. I was sleeping at his house once + and I was laying on the dark worrying that + his brother was going to come in and hack me + to death with an ax and I heard Garth crying. + I asked him what was wrong and he said, "Nothing". + ... Nothing was wrong. There was no + specific thing he was crying about. + In fact, he wasn't really even aware that + he was crying. He just cried himself to + sleep every night. It was a habit. The + guy's so conditioned to grief that if + he doesn't feel it, he can't sleep. How + could you possibly dump on guy who has to + deal with that kinda shit? My parents + acknowledge the trudge of the situation + and I'm sure that deep down, they do feel + for him but still the guy's banned from + our house. + + He looks at himself in the mirror on the back of his closet + door. He doesn't like what he's wearing. He continues his + speech as he disrobes. + + FERRIS + Unfortunately, now my parents have a + legit argument. Garth doesn't need his + brother to give him a rep anymore. He's + getting one on his own. He's lost. It's + over for him. He's eighteen. Gone from + school. Gone from life. His legacy is + a gas station. + + 17 INT. HOUSE. STAIRCASE 17 + + Ferris comes down the stairs. He's wearing a completely + different outfit. + + FERRIS + One very serious danger is playing + sick is that it's possible to believe + your own act. + + 18 INT. KITCHEN 18 + + Ferris comes into the kitchen and crosses to the + refrigerator. + + FERRIS + That and boredom. Alot of people + ditch and feel great for about an + hour. Then they realize there's + nothing to do. TV and food. I myself + have ditched and gotten so bored I + did homework. Figure that shit out. + + He takes a sip out of a bottle of orange juice. + + FERRIS + You have to plan things out before + you take the day off. Otherwise + you get all nervous worrying about + what to do and all you get is grief + and the whole point is to take it + easy, cut loose and enjoy. + + He crosses to the pantry. + + FERRIS + You blow your day and at about three + o'clock, when everybody's out of school, + you're going to wish you'd gone to + school so you could be out having + fun. + + He emerges from the pantry with a handful of Oreos. + + FERRIS + Avoid the misery. Plan your day. + Do it right. + + 19 INT. FAMILY ROOM 19 + + Ferris walks in and flops down in an armchair. + + FERRIS + There's alot of pressure at work + in my age group. And it's not always + recognized. + + He reaches over and picks up the telephone. He sets it in + his lap. + + FERRIS + Some guy whose hair is falling out + and his stomach's hanging over his + belt and everything he eats makes + him fart, he looks at someone like + me and thinks, "This kid's young and + strong and has a full, rich future ahead + of him, what's he got to bitch about?" + + 20 CU. PHONE 20 + + He punches out a number. + + 21 INT. FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS 21 + + He remote controls the TV on. + + FERRIS + That's just one reason why I need a + day off every now and then. + + 22 EXT. ANOTHER HOUSE 22 + + A sleek, modern house on a couple of deeply wooded acres. A + prime house in a prime location. A telephone rings OVER. + + 23 INT. BOY'S BEDROOM 23 + + It's a dark, dreary sick room. Shades drawn, floor strewn + with used tissues, nightstand a still-life of over the + counter remedies. A high school boy, CAMERON FRYE, is laying + in bed. We don't see his face, only a silhouette with a + thermometer sticking out his mouth. U2's SUNDAY BLOODY + SUNDAY is playing. He's mumbling random words. + + CAMERON + Food...shelter...no...yes... + + The phone rings. His hand reaches back and hits the speaker + phone button. + + CAMERON + (weak) + Hello? + + FERRIS' VOICE + Cameron! What's happening? + + CAMERON + Very little. + + FERRIS' VOICE + How do you feel? + + CAMERON + Shredded. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Is your mother in the room? + + Cameron takes the thermometer out of his mouth. + + CAMERON + She's not home. Where are you? + + FERRIS' VOICE + Home. + + 24 INT. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS 24 + + Ferris is sprawled out in the chair. + + FERRIS + I'm taking the day off. Get + dressed and come over. + + CAMERON'S VOICE + I can't. I'm sick. + + FERRIS + It's all in your head. Come on over. + + 25 INT. CAMERON'S ROOM 25 + + Cameron's insistant. + + CAMERON + I feel like complete shit, Ferris. + I can't go anywhere. + + FERRIS' VOICE + I'm sorry to hear that. Now, come + on over and pick me up. + + Ferris disconnects. Cameron slowly hangs up the phone. + + CAMERON + I'm dying. + + The phone rings again. Cameron hits the speaker button. + + FERRIS' VOICE + You're not dying. You just can't think + of anything good to do. + + 26 INT. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM 26 + + Ferris hangs up. + + FERRIS + If anybody needs a day off, it's + Cameron. He has alot of things to + sort out before he graduates. He + can't be wound this tight and go + to college. His roommate'll kill + him. I've come close myself. But I + like him. He's a little easier to + take when you know why he's like he + is. The boy cannot relax. Pardon + by French but Cameron is so tight + that if you stuck a lump of coal up + his ass, in two weeks you'd have a + diamond. + (after-thought) + And Cameron would worry that he'd + owe taxes on it. + + 27 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 27 + + We hear roll call as CAMERA MOVES ACROSS the tile floor. A + shoe's POV. + + TEACHER'S VOICE + Albers? + + BOY'S VOICE + Here. + + TEACHER'S VOICE + Anderson. + + GIRL'S VOICE + Here. + + CAMERA enters a classroom. It travels past a teacher's Hush + Puppies and heads up an aisle of desk past dirty yellow + Reebocks, rotting Air Jordans, scuffed heels, pristine + loafers... + + TEACHER'S VOICE + Anheiser? + + BOY'S VOICE + Here. + + TEACHER'S VOICE + Busch? + + GIRL'S VOICE + Here. + + TEACHER'S VOICE + Bueller? + + CAMERA reaches the last desk and rises slowly to reveal that + it's empty. + + TEACHER'S VOICE + Bueller? + + GIRL'S VOICE + He's sick. + (pause) + My best friend's sister's boyfriend's + brother's girlfriend heard from this + guy who knows this kid who's going + with a girl who saw Ferris pass-out + at 31 Flavors last night. I guess + it's pretty serious. + + TEACHER'S VOICE + (weary) + Thank you, Simone. + + GIRL'S VOICE + (cheery) + No problem whatsoever. + + TEACHER'S VOICE + Drucker? + + BOY'S VOICE + What? + + WOUND-OUT CAR ENGINES COME UP LOUD. + + 28 CU. TV 28 + + THE ROAD WARRIOR is playing on video cassette. The big chase + at the end. + + INT. FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS + + He's sitting in the arm chair pretending it's Humongous' war + wagon. He's wearing a hockey mash. He's steering. He reaches + down and grabs an imaginary nitrous oxide valve. + + CU. TV + + Humongous reaches down and grabs a real nitrous oxide valve. + He gives it a twist. + + CU. FERRIS + + He throws himself back against the chair. + + CU. TV + + The force of the rapid acceleration of his vehicle throws + Humongous back in his seat. + + CU. FERRIS + + He bounces himself in the chair to simulate the bumpy high + speed ride. + + CU. TV + + The was wagon hurtles down the road. + + CU. FERRIS + + He rears back in horror. + + CU. TV + + The war wagon is heading for a head-on collision with the + tanker truck. + + CU. FERRIS + + Arms outstretched, head thrown back, braced for collision. + + CU. TV + + IMPACT! + + MOZART COMES UP. + + 29 CU. FLOWERING TREE BRANCH 29 + + Outside a bedroom window. A flowering crabtree branch. + Petite pink flowers. WE PULL BACK FROM THE WINDOW INTO THE + ROOM. It's Jeanie's room. A pink and powder blue pig pen. + Clothes everywhere, make-up, books, records. Ferris is + sitting on her bed going through a purse. + + FERRIS + This is really degrading. + + He comes up with a crumpled dollar bill. + + FERRIS + Financing my activities this way. + Very damaging to the self-image. + But, hey, I'm broke. In times of + crisis one must to what one must + to. I'll pay it back. With interest. + + He comes up with a five. + + FERRIS + Regardless of how much shit sisters + make you eat, how often they rat on + you, how gross they act or how wicked + and insensitive they can be, you should + not alientate them. Because most likely + they have cash and it's usually very easy + to get your hands on. + + He holds up a twenty and snaps it. PINK FLOYD'S "MONEY" + COMES UP. + + 30 INT. LIVING ROOM 30 + + The song plays as Ferris digs through the sofa cushions. + + CU. SOFA + + Ferris extracts a sticky quarter from a crevice. + + 31 INT. PARENTS' BEDROOM 31 + + Ferris is going through his father's pants pockets. Another + crumpled bill surfaces. + + 32 CU. WASHING MACHINE TOP 32 + + A couple of stiff, hard, bleached singles that have gone + through the wash lay on top of the washer. A hand scoops + them up. + + 33 CU. LUCITE ENCASED PROOF SET 33 + + An obvious gift from a grandparent. A U.S. Mint proof set. A + ten, a five and a single enclosed in a lucite frame. A + screwdriver tip wedges between the two pieces of Lucite and + pops them apart. A hand peels the bills off the backing. + + 34 CU. KITCHEN DRAWER 34 + + Hands ripping through the kitchen junk drawer. Locating a + dollar bill. + + 35 CU. COIN COLLECTION 35 + + The familiar blue collector's album. One-by-one, the + quarters are being popped out of their slots. + + 36 CU. VACCUUM CLEANER 36 + + The dusty, dirty contents of the bag are emptied on the + floor. Fingers pick a dime out of a matted wad of filth. + + 37 CU. SNOOPY BANK 37 + + It's being shaken furiously. + + 38 CU. BIRTHDAY CARD 38 + + It's a child's card. It's slowly opened to reveal a crisp, + new five. + + 39 INT. HALL CLOSET 39 + + The door opens and Ferris thrusts his hands into the pockets + of the coats. He comes up with a ball of Kleenex. A roll of + Tums. A squirt gun. Then a modest wad of bills. His face + lights up as he counts out the cash. He closes the door. + + 40 CU. FLOOR AND BED 40 + + Ferris' face appears between the bed and the floor. His arm + reaches out for a small metal bank hidden under the bed. + + 41 CU. BANK 41 + + It's on a work bench. An awl is driven in between the door + and the jamb. It pries the door open. Inside are trading + cards, a charred doll's head, a Zippo lighter and, finally, + a five dollar bill. + + 42 INT. KITCHEN 42 + + Ferris is on his hands and knees under the kitchen table. + + 43 CU. TABLE LEG 43 + + Ferris lifts the leg and removes a quarter that's been used + to balance the table. + + 44 INT. KITCHEN 44 + + Ferris stands up and pockets the quarter. + + 45 CU. FERRIS' BED 45 + + A shower of coins and bills rain down on the sheets. The + SONG ENDS. + + 46 EXT. REAL ESTATE OFFICE. MORNING 46 + + A suburban realty company. A cute little building in town. + + 47 INT. OFFICE 47 + + Joyce is behind a desk. Across from her are two WOMEN. + They're also real estate agents. + + JOYCE + No one's going to consider a + house with a black living room. + Not even those jerks from Vermont. + Let's be realistic. + + AGENT 1 + Mrs. Volbeck's dead set against + putting any money into the house. + + Joyce's phone intercom buzzes. She take the call. + + JOYCE + Joyce Bueller. + + Her eyes open wide with alarm. + + JOYCE + Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I + completely forgot to call. + + 48 EXT. HIGH SCHOOL 48 + + A modern, suburban high school. + + MAN'S VOICE + Are you aware that your son is not + in school today? + + 49 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 49 + + It's a passing period. The hall is clogged with students. + + JOYCE'S VOICE + Yes, I am. Ferris is home sick. I + had a meeting first thing this + morning. I should have called. It + completely slipped my mind. + + 50 INT. SCHOOL. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE 50 + + A SECRETARY is at work at her desk. We hear the dean inside + the office. + + DEAN'S VOICE + Are you also aware that Ferris does not + have what we consider an exemplary + attendance record? + + 51 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. CU. DESK SIGN 51 + + It reads, EDWARD R. ROONEY. DEAD OF STUDENTS. The dean's + feet are up on the desk, behind the sign. Moderately priced + dress shoes. + + JOYCE'S VOICE + I don't understand. + + DEAN'S VOICE + I just had his file up. + + INT. OFFICE. CU. DEAN + + ED ROONEY is sitting behind his desk. He's tough, clean and + straight as an I-beam. Short, neatly combed hair, suit and + tie. He's toying with a pencil. He's confident to the point + of arrogance. + + ROONEY + I just has his file up, Mrs. Bueller. + + Behind him is a computer terminal. He removes his feet from + the desk and turns in his swivel chair. + + ROONEY + If Ferris thinks he coast this last + month and still graduate, he's sorely + mistaken. + + JOYCE'S VOICE + This is all news to me. + + CU. COMPUTER MONITOR + + The monitor on Rooney's desk displays Ferris' records. + + ROONEY'S VOICE + So far this semester alone, he's been + absent nine times. Including today. + + JOYCE'S VOICE + Nine times? + + Under DAYS MISSED we see a number 9 suddenly change to a + number 2. + + INT. OFFICE + + Rooney turns to the monitor. He reads off the screen. + + ROONEY + I have it right here in front of me. He's + missed... + + He looks closer at the screen. + + 52 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 52 + + Ferris is at his Macintosh computer. He has his record up + on the screen. + + FERRIS + I wanted a car. I got a computer. How's + that for being born under a bad sign? + + 53 INT. JOYCE'S OFFICE 53 + + She's still on the phone with Rooney. + + JOYCE + I can give you every assurance that + Ferris is home and that he is, in + fact, very ill. I debated whether + or not I should even leave him. + I can appreciate that at this time + of year children are prone to taking + the day off, but in Ferris' case, + he's truly a very sick boy. + + 54 INT. FERRIS' BEDROOM 54 + + MUSIC BLASTS. SOLO GUITAR. + + CU. SPEAKER + + The grille cloth is throbbing. + + CU. LED METERS + + The meters on the amplifier are totally in the danger zone. + + CU. TV MONITOR + + We see Ferris in his room with a guitar around his neck. + He's playing. + + CU. VIDEO CAMERA + + A home video camera is capturing Ferris on tape. + + 55 INT. CAMERON'S ROOM 55 + + He's sitting on the edge of the bed buttoning his shirt. He + sighs deeply and fall back on the bed. + + 56 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 56 + + Jeanie is at her locker during a passing period. A + GIRLFRIEND comes up to her. + + GIRL + I'm really sorry about your brother. + + JEANIE + What're you sorry for? I have to live + with the trouser snake. + + GIRL + No, I mean I heard he's really sick. + + JEANIE + Who said he's sick. + + GIRL + A whole bunch of people. They said + he's like on the verge of death. + + Jeanie stares incredulously at the girl. + + GIRL + This guy in my biology class said + that if Ferris dies he's giving + his eyes to Stevie Wonder? He's + really sweet isn't he? + + She smiles and exits. Jeanie cocks her head in bewilderment. + She kicks her locker shut. + + 57 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 57 + + He's in bed on the phone. + + FERRIS + A sample of my blood was sent + to Atlanta to the Center for + Disease Control. I don't know, + man, I'm bricking heavily. + (point to the + phone) + Freshman. + (to the phone) + Did you see Alien? When the guy + had the creature in his stomach? + It feels like that. + + 58 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 58 + + A FRESHMAN BOY is on the pay phone. A couple of his BUDDIES + are standing at his side waiting anxiously for news. + + BOY + Goddamn! Are you kidding? + + SECOND BOY + What? + + BOY + Did you see Alien? + + SECOND BOY + No. + + BOY + You never rented the video cassette? + + Second boy shakes his head, no. + + BOY + Oh. He's really wasted. + + THIRD BOY + (to the Second Boy) + Who's he talking to? + + SECOND BOY + Ferris Bueller. You know him? + + THIRD BOY + (excited) + Yeah. He's getting me out of summer + school. + + BOY + Anyway, I appreciate you letting us + know how you're doing. We gotta split. + (pause) + Huh?...Yeah, sure. Hold on. + + SECOND BOY + (to Third Boy) + Shit. I hope he doesn't die. + I can't handle summer school. + + The boy snatches a passing GIRL. + + BOY + Did you see Alien? + + GIRL + Yeah, why? + + He hands her the phone. + + GIRL + Hello? + (pause) + Who? + (pause) + Hi, Ferris. How's your bod? + (jaw drops) + Oh, my God! You're dying? + Is it serious? + (pause) + Shiit! Are you upset? + + 59 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 59 + + Rooney's comparing his computer monitor to hard copy. His + SECRETARY is standing over his shoulder. + + ROONEY + I don't trust this kid any further + than I can throw him! + + SECRETARY + With your bad knee, you better + not throw anybody, Ed. + + Rooney stares at her for a long beat. + + ROONEY + What's so dangerous about a character + like Ferris Bueller is that he gives + the good kids bad ideas. The last thing + I need at this point in my career is + fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples + running around these halls. + + SECRETARY + He's very popular, Ed. Sportos, motorheads, + geeks, sluts, pinheads, dweebies, wonkers, + richies, they all adore him. + + ROONEY + That's exactly why I have to catch him + this time. To show these kids that the + example he sets is a first class ticket + to nowhere. + + SECRETARY + (impressed) + Ooo. You sounded like Dirty Harry just + now. + + Rooney looks up at her with a proud smile. + + ROONEY + Really? + + He unconsciously does an Eastwood squint. + + 60 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 60 + + It's a glorious late spring day. A florist's truck drives + past the house. + + 61 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 61 + + He's on the telephone. As he speaks he does a little + MacPainting on his MacIntosh. A Modigliani nude. + + FERRIS + Cameron, if you're not over here + in fifteen minutes, you can find + a new best friend. I'm serious, man. + This is bullshit, making me wait + around the house for you. + + 62 INT. CAMERON'S BEDROOM 62 + + Cameron's back in bed. + + CAMERON + I'm sick. I feel like shit. Why can't + you leave me alone? + + FERRIS' VOICE + You're not up for some good times? + It's a beautiful day. It's almost + summer. If this was Hawaii, we'd be + surfing. + + 63 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 63 + + He's growing weary of Cameron's wimpishness. + + FERRIS + You want to stay home and try + to have the shits? Try to barf? + Try to feel worse? + + CAMERON'S VOICE + I don't have to try. + + FERRIS + Be a man. Take some Pepto Bismol + and get dressed. You're boring me + with this stuff. + + The other phone line rings. + + FERRIS + Squeeze you buns for a second. I + got another call. + + He puts Cameron on hold. He clears his throat and answers + the second line. He sounds like he's on his last breath. + + FERRIS + H--hell-o? + + 64 EXT. OFFICE BUILDING. DOWNTOWN 64 + + A LaSalle Street office tower. + + TOM'S VOICE + Ferris? + + 65 INT. TOM'S OFFICE 65 + + He's behind his desk. Nice office. Two windows. Herman + Miller desk and chair. + + TOM + You sound miserable. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Really? Darn! I thought I was improving. + + TOM + Were you sleeping? + + FERRIS' VOICE + I was trying to do some homework. + + 66 CU. COMPUTER MONITOR 66 + + A closer view of the rude drawing Ferris is making. + + FERRIS (OC) + I'm so worried about falling behind. + + INT. FERRIS' ROOM + + He leans back from the monitor and sips a Coke. + + FERRIS + Dad? Can you hold on a second? + + TOM'S VOICE + Sure, pal. Are you alright? + + FERRIS + Just a little phlegm on the phone. + Hold on. + + He puts his father on hold. + + FERRIS + Cameron? It's my Dad. + + CAMERON'S VOICE + Oh, that's just great. Are you busted? + + FERRIS + It's completely cool. He's just + checking up on me. Now, listen to + me. I'm working on getting some + heavy bucks out of him. So, the least you + can do is hurry up and get over here. + Bye. + + He disconnects and gets his father back. He switches back to + his sick voice. + + FERRIS + Sorry, Dad. The moment before you + called, I had a chest spasm and I + blew lung fluid all over the place. + It was making me ill looking at it. + But gee, it's sure great of you to call. + I'm sure there're alot of fathers + who wouldn't take time out from + their busy schedules to call a dumb, + sick teenager. + + TOM'S VOICE + Hey, pal, what was I supposed to do? + + Ferris reaches out and hits a key on his computer. The + screen dumps the drawing. + + FERRIS + Give yourself some credit, Dad. It + was a mammoth gesture. It's like those + savings bonds you used to give me + every Christmas. + (looks at CAMERA and smiles) + It was that kind of concern. + + CU. COMPUTER SCREEN + + A message is flashing: "TRANSMITTING DATA". + + INT. FERRIS' ROOM + + He turns away from the computer and puts his feet up on the + desk. He lights a cigarette. + + FERRIS + You had to work hard for the money + to buy those things, right? + + TOM'S VOICE + Not any harder than anybody else. + + Ferris mouths Tom's words as he says them. + + 67 EXT. CHICAGO LOOP. DIAMONDVISION SCREEN 67 + + Ferris' drawing suddenly appears on the billboard. + Pedestrians stop to look. + + 68 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 68 + + He blows a smoke ring. + + FERRIS + You work so hard I'll bet you don't + even remember where those bonds are, + right? + + Ferris points a finger in the air as a cue to his father. + + TOM'S VOICE + Wrong. + + He nods. + + FERRIS + Oh, yeah? You're pulling my leg. You're + just trying to cheer me up. + + TOM'S VOICE + Like hell I am. They're in a shoebox + in my closet. + + Ferris smiles. He looks at CAMERA. He's gotten exactly what + he wants. + + FERRIS + (to CAMERA, normal + voice) + Was that a class move or what? + The guy gave it up faster than + a drunk Catholic girl. I hope my + kids don't pull this shit on me. + (thinks) + Of course, if they didn't, they'd + be dumb and abnormal and they'd + probably never move out of my + house and I'd have to support them + until I die. I take it back. + (to the phone, + sick voice) + Dad? All this talking has made me + kind of light-headed. I think + I better lie down. + + TOM'S VOICE + Okay, pal. You take care. I'll + call you after lunch. + + FERRIS + You don't have to, Dad. + + TOM'S VOICE + I want to. Bye now. + + He hangs up. Ferris sighs. + + FERRIS + You win some, you lose some. + + He turns his desk chair around and gets up. + + FERRIS + I'm so disappointed in Cameron. + Twenty bucks says he's sitting + in his car debating about whether + or not he should go out. + + 69 INT. CAR. CAMERON 69 + + He's sitting behind the wheel of his car. + + CAMERON + We're gonna get caught. No doubt + about it. + + He cuts the engine. + + CAMERON + I'm not doing it. + + He sits for half a beat. + + CAMERON + He'll keep calling until I come + over. + + He sighs and restarts the engine. Another beat. + + CAMERON + Actually, what'll happen is I'll + get caught. Ferris'll escape. + + Another beat. He stops the engine. A CRASH OF HORROR MUSIC. + + 70 CU. DRESSER DRAWER 70 + + Hands curl around the drawer pulls. The drawer is opened + slowly, ominously. The hands lift a sweater out. A HERALDIC + STING as we see a men's magazine beneath the sweater. + + INT. FERRIS' ROOM + + He takes out the magazine. He leafs through the pages for + the pictorials as he speaks. + + FERRIS + Cameron'll go on like that for a + good thirty minutes. The guy + is a shellfish when it comes to + making a decision. The reason + he doesn't fell good is, he + worries about everything. He's + the only guy I know who's deeply + concerned that when he grows up + there'll be a critical shortage + of strategic metals. + + He exits the room. + + 71 INT. HALLWAY 71 + + Ferris comes out of his room and heads down the hallway. + + FERRIS + Cameron's also the only guy + I know who knows what strategic + metals are. + (waves the magazine) + Pardon moi. + + He goes into the bathroom. We HEAR THE TOILET SEAT SLAM + DOWN. + + FERRIS + (sings) + MAYBE I'M JUST LIKE MY MOTHER, + SHE'S NEVER SATISFIED... + + 72 INT. CLASSROOM. LATER 72 + + A stunningly beautiful girl, SLOANE PETERSON, is sitting at + her desk in a history class. She's staring out the window as + a tweedy MALE TEACHER delivers a dry, dusty lecture. + + TEACHER + Roosevelt's health had seriously + deteriorated by the time he met + with Churchill and Stalin at Yalta. + (sneezes) + Pardon me. + + The classroom door opens and the school NURSE walks in. For + a moment, the teacher thinks she's come in because she heard + him sneeze. She crosses to him and whispers in his ear. + + SLOANE + + She, like the others, watches the nurse curiously. + + INT. CLASSROOM. TEACHER AND NURSE + + The teacher's face drops as he's delivered an obvious piece + of disturbing news. He nods grimly to the Nurse. She looks + at the kids. + + NURSE + Sloane Peterson? + + SLOANE + + Sits up in her seat. + + NURSE + + She's a picture of compassion and understanding. + + NURSE + May I see you outside for a moment? + There's been an emergency. + + SLOANE + + A smile curls across her lips. As she gathers her books she + looks to the GIRL next to her. + + SLOANE + (whispers) + Dead grandmother. + + 73 INT. HALLWAY 73 + + The Nurse is gently holding Sloane's hand. + + NURSE + (nods solemnly) + Dead grandmother. + + 74 CU. ROONEY 74 + + He has a suspicious look on his face. + + ROONEY + Dead grandmother? + + INT. DEAN'S OFFICE + + Rooney's at his desk. His secretary is standing across from + him. + + SECRETARY + That's what Mr. Peterson said. I + had Florence Sparrow notify Sloane. + + ROONEY + Who's this girl's going with? + + SECRETARY + It's so hard to tell. I see her + alot with Ferris Bueller. + + Rooney smiles. His suspicions are confirmed. + + ROONEY + Could you get me Mr. Peterson's + daytime number? + + As the secretary starts out of the room, Rooney's phone + rings. She stops and answers the desk phone. + + SECRETARY + Edward Rooney's office. + (pause) + Yes. Can you hold? Thank you. + + She puts the call on hold. + + SECRETARY + It's Mr. Peterson. + + Rooney is startled. He thinks for a beat then reaches for + the phone. + + SECRETARY + Do you still want his number? + + Rooney answers her with an annoyed look. She smiles and + backs out. He punches the phone button. + + ROONEY + Ed Rooney. + + MAN'S VOICE + Ed? This is George Peterson. + + ROONEY + How are you today, sir? + + MAN'S VOICE + We've had a bit of bad luck this + morning as you may have heard. + + Rooney rolls his eyes. It's so obvious it's not Mr. + Peterson. + + ROONEY + I heard. And, gosh, I'm all broken + up. Huh? Oh, sure. I'd be happy to + release Sloane. You produce a corpse + and I'll release Sloane. I want to + see this dead grandmother firsthand. + + The secretary stops cold in the doorway. She turns to Rooney + in horror. He covers the phone. + + ROONEY + (whispers) + It's Ferris Bueller. Nervy litttle + punk. I'm gonna set a trap and let + his walk right into it! + (to phone) + That's right. Cart the stiff in and + I'll turn over your daughter. It's + school policy. Was this your mother? + + Rooney's other line rings. + + 75 INT. SECRETARY'S OFFICE 75 + + She steps out of Rooney's office and picks up the other + line. + + SECRETARY + Ed Rooney's office. + + Her jaw drops. + + SECRETARY + Hold, please. + + She puts the call on hold and hangs up. She hurried into + Rooney's office. + + 76 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 76 + + Rooney's chewing out the person on the other line. + + ROONEY + I'll tell you want, you don't + like my policies, you can just + come on down and smooch by big + old ugly ass. You hear me? + + The secretary comes in. She's waving her arms furiously. + Rooney tries to wave her away. He's angry. She stomps her + foot. Rooney covers the phone. + + ROONEY + What!? + + SECRETARY + Ferris Bueller's on line two. + + CU. ROONEY'S FOOT + + It freezes in mid-tap. + + CU. ROONEY'S HAND + + The pencils falls from his fingers. + + CU. ROONEY'S FACE + + A mask of horror. He glances at the phone. + + CU. PHONE + + The second line light is flashing. + + CU. ROONEY + + He blinks, cocks his head, twitches. + + 77 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 77 + + He's zipping his pants, fastening his belt. The phone's + cradled against his shoulder. He speaks in the same voice he + used on his father. + + FERRIS + Mr. Rooney? I'm sorry to disturb + you at work but I was wondering if + it would be possible for my sister + to bring home any assignments from + my classes that I may need. + + 78 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. ROONEY 78 + + He's staring blankly ahead. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Thank you, sir. + + He nods. + + CU. PHONE + + Rooney's finger gingerly presses the button on the waiting + call. + + CU. ROONEY + + He winces as he returns to the first call. + + 79 INT. FERRIS' HOUSE. KITCHEN 79 + + Cameron's on the phone in the kitchen. He's doing a deep, + phoney "father" voice. + + CAMERON + You oughta be sorry for Christ's + sake! A family member dies and + you insult me. What's the matter + with you, anyway? + + 80 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. ROONEY 80 + + He apologies profusely to Cameron. He's perspiring, + trembling. + + ROONEY + I don't know. I thought you were + someone else. You have to know, + sir, that I would never deliberately + insult you. I can't begin to tell + you how embarrassed I am. + + CAMERON'S VOICE + Pardon my French but you're an asshole! + + Rooney nods enthusiastically. + + ROONEY + Absolutely! I most certainly am. + + 81 INT. KITCHEN 81 + + Cameron lays into Rooney. + + CAMERON + This isn't over yet, buster. You + just make sure my daughter's out + in front of the school in ten + minutes. Do you read me? + + ROONEY'S VOICE + Load and clear, Mr. Peterson. + + CAMERON + Call me sir, goddamn it! + + ROONEY'S VOICE + Sir. + + CAMERON + That's better. + + Ferris strolls into the kitchen to catch the last of the + conversation. Cameron covers the phone. + + CAMERON + (to Ferris) + I'm scared shitless, Ferris! What + is Rooney guesses my voice! + + FERRIS + Impossible. You're doing great. + + Cameron sighs and goes back to the phone. + + CAMERON + (clears his throat) + I don't have all day to bark at you + so I'll make this short and sweet. + + Ferris gives Cameron an enthusiastic thumbs up. + + FERRIS + (mouths) + Great! + + Cameron smiles proudly. + + CAMERON + I want my daughter out in front + of the school in ten minutes. By + herself. I don's want anyone around... + + Ferris smacks Cameron. He's said the wrong thing. He covers + the phone. + + CAMERON + What'd I do? + + FERRIS + Out in front my herself? It's too + suspicious! He'll think something's + up, moron. Cover it. + + Cameron panics. He holds the phone out to Ferris. + + CAMERON + You do it! + + Ferris waves his arms angrily. + + FERRIS + Talk! + + Cameron takes a deep breath. He clears his throat and puts + on his father's voice. + + CAMERON + I changed my mind, fella. You be out + in front with her! I wanna have a + few words with you! + + Ferris slaps Cameron. The phone flies out of his hand. + + 82 CU. ROONEY 82 + + He winces as the phone hits the floor with a loud CLONK! + We HEAR THE BOYS SCRAMBLING TO PICK UP THE PHONE, THEN + CAMERON CLEARING HIS THROAT. + + CAMERON'S VOICE + On second thought, I don't have + time to talk to you. We'll get + together soon and have lunch. + + We HEAR A SLAP AND THE CALL DISCONNECTS. + + 83 INT. FERRIS' KITCHEN 83 + + Cameron's rubbing the side of his head. + + CAMERON + Why'd you hit me?! + + FERRIS + Where's your brain?! + + CAMERON + Why'd you hit me?! + + FERRIS + Where's your brain?! + + CAMERON + Why'd you hit me? + + FERRIS + Where's your brain? + + CAMERON + I asked you first. + + FERRIS + How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney's + going to be there with her?! + + CAMERON + I said for her to be there alone + and you freaked! + + FERRIS + My, God, you're so stupid! + (aside) + I didn't hit you, I lightly slapped + you. + + CAMERON + You hit me. Look, don't ask me to + participate in your crap if you + don't like the way I do it! + + Ferris is incredulous at Cameron's stupidity. Cameron's + anger is intensified by his embarrassment. + + CAMERON + I was home, sick. You get me out of + bed, being me over here, make me + jeopardize my future, make me do + a phoney phone call on a dean of + students, a man who could squeeze + my nuts into oblivion and then + you deliberately hurt my feelings. + + FERRIS + I didn't deliberately hurt your feelings. + + CAMERON + Oh, really? + + FERRIS + Yeah, really. + + Cameron glares at Ferris. + + CAMERON + Hey, Ferris? Have a nice life. + + He turns and heads out of the room. Ferris sighs. + FERRIS + Cameron? + + CAMERON + Stick it up your ass, Ferris. + + FERRIS + Cameron, I'm sorry. I didn't mean + to jam you. It was uncalled for. + + Cameron stops. + + CAMERON + You're serious? + + He turns around. + + FERRIS + Dead serious. + + Cameron smiles. He appreciates Ferris apology. + + CAMERON + Thanks. + + FERRIS + You did screw up through, right? + Not that is was necessarily all + you fault. Right? + + CAMERON + (suspiciously) + Why? + + FERRIS + To fix this situation, I'm going + to have to ask you for a small favor. + + Cameron's jaw drops. + + 84 INT. GARAGE 84 + + The door opens slowly, dramatically as we hear a heraldic + fanfare. Light streams in to reveal Cameron and Ferris + looking at the car. Ferris is smiling with excitement and + awe. Cameron is frowning with trepidation and fear. + + CU. FERRARI STALLION + + The prancing black stallion. We move up from the stallion to + the erotic red hood of a 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. + + CAMERON AND FERRIS + + Cameron's face is ashen. The end of the world is at hand. + Ferris is in heaven. + + CAMERON + (grim monotone) + 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. Less + than a hundred were made. It has a + market value of $265,000. My father + spent three years restoring it. It + is joy, it is his love, it is his + passion. + + FERRIS + It is his fault he didn't lock the + garage. + + CAMERON + Ferris, my father loves this car more + than life itself. We can't take is out. + + FERRIS + A man with priorities so far out of + whack doesn't deserve such a fine + automobile. + + CAMERON + He never drives it, Ferris. He just + rubs it with a diaper. + + FERRIS + We can't pick up Sloane in your car, + Cameron. Rooney'd never believe Mr. + Peterson drives that piece of shit. + + CAMERON + It's not a piece of shit. + + FERRIS + It's a piece of shit. Don't worry + about it. I don't even have a piece + of shit. I have to envy yours. Look, + I'm sorry but there's nothing else + we can do. + + CAMERON + He knows the mileage, Ferris. He has + it tatooed on his wrist. + + FERRIS + He doesn't trust you? + + CAMERON + No. + + FERRIS + Alright, look, this is real simple. + He puts his arm around Cameron. + + FERRIS + Whatever miles we put on it, we'll + take off. + + CAMERON + (suspicious) + How? + + FERRIS + (big, proud smile) + We'll drive home backwards. + + Cameron shakes his head, no. + + CAMERON + Forget it. I'm putting my foot down, + Ferris. You'll have to think of + something else... + + CU. FERRARI GRILLE + + Cameron's protests are drowned out by the distinctive roar + of the twelve cylinders. + + CAMERON'S VOICE + ...You're not talking me into this + one. I have to live with the man. + I'm sorry but... + + The roar of the engine is overtaken by the sound of a + crowded school hallway. + + 85 INT. SCHOOL. JEANIE 85 + + She comes out of a classroom. She stops as Sloane and Rooney + walk past. Sloane has her coat on and she's carrying her + books. Jeanie watches her suspiciously. + + 86 EXT. SCHOOL 86 + + The Ferrari is parked out in front. The top is down. + + 87 INT. FERRARI 87 + + Ferris is driving. He's wearing a man's hat and sunglasses. + Cameron's in the back. + + CAMERON + Are you crazy?! Put the top back + up! + + FERRIS + This is perfect top-down weather. + CAMERON + What about Rooney? + + FERRIS + Cameron, the more obvious we are, + the less likely we are to get + caught. + + CAMERON + That makes no sense whatsoever. + + FERRIS + The adult mind is a suspicious + machine. + (look around at Cameron) + Stay down, man. + + Cameron squeezes himself lower. + + CAMERON + Howcome it's my Dad's car and + I'm taking all the risk and I have + to ride back here? + + FERRIS + I don't have an explanation. + + 88 EXT. SCHOOL 88 + + Rooney and Sloane come out the door. + + ROONEY + Once again let me say how deeply + saddened I am by your loss. + + SLOANE + Huh? + + ROONEY + Were you close to your grandmother? + + SLOANE + Oh. Um. Yeah. Very. She was a terrific + lady. Very hip. Very old. Yeah. + + DEEP VOICE + Oh, Sloane! Dear! + + Sloane looks across at the Ferrari. Rooney looks. + + THEIR POV + + Ferris is looking out across the roof of the Ferrari. He's + careful to keep his nose and mouth below the roofline. + + FERRIS + Hurry along now! + + EXT. SCHOOL + + Rooney's suspicious. Sloane smiles and bids Rooney a hasty + farewell. + + SLOANE + I guess that's my Dad. Thanks. + See ya. + + She hurries to the car. Rooney watches her. Something does + compute for him. + + 89 INT. SCHOOL. JEANIE 89 + + She's watching out the door. She sees the Ferrari pull away. + + 90 EXT. SCHOOL. ROONEY 90 + + He can't quite put his finger on what's bothering him. + + 91 INT. FERRARI 91 + + Sloane shrieks with delight. She leans across the console + and gives Ferris a kiss. + + SLOANE + This is so great! I can't believe + it! Right in front of Rooney! + + She laughs and turns to Cameron. + + SLOANE + Hi, Cameron. You comfortable? + + CAMERON + Hi. No. + + SLOANE + What a fabulous car! + + CAMERON + Enjoy it quick. It' s going home. + + FERRIS + It was risky, it was bold but + it was totally necessary. + + SLOANE + What're we gonna do? + + FERRIS + The question isn't "what are we + gonna do", the question is "what + aren't we going to do." + + CAMERON + Don't tell me we're not going to + take the car home. Please. + + FERRIS + (to CAMERA) + If you had access to a car like this + would you take it back right away? + Would you give up feeling like a + ton just to ease your best friend's + tension? + + He smiles. + + FERRIS + Either would I. + + 92 EXT. STREET. FERRARI 92 + + It accelerates away like a shot. + + 93 EXT. SUBURBAN BANK 93 + + A fresh, modern bank building. The clock outside read 9:53. + The Ferrari pulls into the parking lot. + + 94 INT. BANK. DOORS 94 + + Ferris, Cameron and Sloane walk in. Ferris is cocky and + confident. Sloane's still intoxicated with her freedom. + Cameron's having stomach trouble. Ferris leads the way to an + open teller window. + + INT. BANK. TELLER + + A WOMAN about seventy with a silver blue beehive. It's about + four inches higher the highest beehive you're ever seen. As + she moves the beehive hits a small sign over her head. She's + been at the bank since they opened. She smiles when she sees + Ferris. + + TELLER + Ferris Bueller? + + FERRIS + + He's at the window. On either shoulder are Cameron and + Sloane. Ferris smiles. Cameron blanches. + + FERRIS + Hello, Mrs. Froeling. How are you? + + TELLER + + She pats the rock-solid mass of blue hair. In doing so she + locates a missing ball point pen. She withdraws it from the + hair and smiles at it's reappearance. + + TELLER + I passed a kidney stone Tuesday, so + I'm a little pooped but other than + that, I'm as chipper as can be. + (something occurs to her) + Say, should you be in school? + + FERRIS + + He lays his savings bonds on the counter. + + FERRIS + Me? + (polite laugh) + I'm out of school, Mrs. Froeling. + In fact. I'm married. This is my + wife...Madonna. + + Sloane suppresses a laugh. + + FERRIS + (to Cameron) + And this is my brother-in-law, + ZZ Top. ZZ, this is Mrs. Froeling. + + Cameron isn't amused. + + TELLER + (to Cameron) + Is Top a Slavic name? + + CAMERON + Yeah. + + FERRIS + I'd like to cash these in, please. + We're having a baby and we need the + cash for a crib, clothes, diapers, + food pellets, leash, water dish... + + INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW + + Mrs. Froeling takes the bonds with a hearty smile. The + latter part of the conversation sails over her like a line + drive. + + TELLER + A baby! + (to Sloane) + You must be so excited. + + Cameron groans and turns away from the sham. + + SLOANE + I'm thrilled, ma'am. I'm especially + looking forward to wearing those + jeans with the stretch panel in + front. + + Mrs. Froeling thumbs through the bonds. + + TELLER + Are you hoping for a boy or + a girl? + + SLOANE + Actually, we're hoping for a car. + + CU. CAMERON + + He's spooked by the games playing. He scans the bank + nervously. He blinks, focuses, blinks again. + + HIS POV + + Joyce is with a MIDDLE-AGED COUPLE and their bored, + sour-puss teenage son, BOYD. He's sitting in a chair with + his legs slung over the sides waving a Bic lighter back and + forth across his rump. The parents are Joyce's clients from + Vermont. A LOAN OFFICER is discussing the local financing + situation with them. His is an open office adjacent to the + teller windows. Joyce's back is to the tellers. + + CU. CAMERON + + It's like he's just witnesses an ax murder. + + CAMERON + Shit... + + INT. BANK. JOYCE + + Her back is to the teller windows. She's conducting her + meeting. Behind her we see Cameron grab Ferris and point her + out to him. He waves. Cameron slaps his arm. + + INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW + + Mrs. Froeling shows Ferris the savings bonds. + + TELLER + These bonds aren't mature. If you hold + onto them another two years you'll get + an additional four dollars... + + FERRIS + I'm aware of that. + + TELLER + You're throwing away four dollars. + + FERRIS + No, ma'am, I'm giving it to the + government. They need it. Do you + know what an aircraft carrier's + going for these days? + + INT. BANK. JOYCE + + She concludes her meeting. She shakes hands with the loan + officer and stands. The Vermont Couple stands. Boyd scrapes + the bottom of his shoe on the desk, leaving a glob of mud + behind and he stands. Joyce turns into the bank. Ferris, + Cameron and Sloane are gone. She escorts her customers out. + + INT. BANK. DOOR + + Joyce and the Vermont Couple approach the doors. Boyd lays a + luggie in the drinking fountain. Mrs. Froeling passes with + the savings bonds. She stops when she sees Joyce. + + JOYCE + Mrs. Froeling, how are you? + + MRS. FROELING + I passed a kidney stone Tuesday. + (shifts gears, to Joyce) + Say, you must be very proud. + + Joyce doesn't know what she's talking about. + + MRS. FROELING + (whispers) + I met Madonna. + + She pats Joyce on the arm. + + MRS. FROELING + She told me everything. Keep me posted, + I'll want to send a gift. + + She toodles on her way. Joyce and the Vermont Couple are + completely baffled. + + 95 EXT. BANK 95 + + Joyce and the Vermont Couple walk along the side of the + bank, heading for the parking lot. Boyd's tagging along + behind. He picks up a stone and hurls it into the parking + lot. + + JOYCE + My son's home sick today. If + you wouldn't mind, on our way + back to the office, I'd like + to just run in and check up on him. + + We HEAR A METALLIC PING! as Boyd's missle hits a car. + + MOTHER + Of course. + + They pass a show window. As they pass, we hold on the + window. It's promoting saving for college educations. A + mannequin father is congratulating his mannequin son in a + mortar and gown as a stiff Sloane, Ferris and Cameron look + on proudly. + + 96 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 96 + + His secretary is dialing a number for him. + + SECRETARY + This is the Peterson's home. + + She hands the phone to Rooney. + + SECRETARY + Watch your mouth this time. + + Rooney glares at her. + + ROONEY + Ferris Bueller's behind this. There's + no doubt in my mind. That's what I was + saying this morning. Why he has to be stopped. + He's got Sloane Peterson involved in this + thing now. See? + + The secretary nods. + + SECRETARY + And her grandmother, too. + + 97 CU. PHONE ANSWER MACHINE 97 + + It clicks on. We hear a grieved woman's voice. It sounds an + awful lot like Sloane. + + SLOANE + We can't come to the phone right now. + We've had a death in the family. If + you need to reach us we'll be at + the following number... + + 98 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 98 + + Rooney quickly takes down a number. + + 99 EXT. CAMERON'S HOUSE 99 + + His answering machine clicks on. We hear Cameron's voice. + + CAMERON'S VOICE + You have reached the Coughlin Bros. + Mortuary. We are unable to come to + the phone right now but if you'll leave + your name and number... + +100 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 100 + + Rooney hangs up the phone. + + ROONEY + Something's going on, goddamn it. + + The secretary's looking at a newspaper on Rooney's desk. + She's not listening to him. + + SECRETARY + There's a railroad strike. + + ROONEY + And I'm going to stop it! + + SECRETARY + My brother-in-law'll appreciate it. + + Rooney looks at her, puzzled. + + ROONEY + What? + + SECRETARY + My brother-in-law rides the train + to work. + + Rooney stares at her like she's crazy. + + ROONEY + Who gives a good goddamn? + +101 EXT. EDENS EXPRESSWAY 101 + + The major thoroughfare into the city of Chicago from the + suburbs. The Ferrari streaks past. In the distance we see + the Sears Tower, the Hancock Building and the Standard Oil + Building. + +102 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 102 + + Jeanie's walking down the hall. She's stopped by a KID with + a Coke can. + + KID + Yo. We're collecting money to + buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney. + + Jeanie stares at him. She's flabbergasted at the proportions + her brother's scan has reached. + + KID + They run about fifty g's so it + you could help out... + + JEANIE + Go piss up a flagpole! + + KID + Huh? + + She knocks the can out of his hands and storms down the hall. + The kid yells after her. + + KID + Hey, babe! Some day you might + need a favor from Ferris Bueller! + Then where'll you be?! + + He reaches for the can. + + KID + Heartless wench... + +103 EXT. CHICAGO LOOP. PARKING GARAGE 103 + + The Ferrari pulls into a large parking garage. + + EXT. GARAGE + + Ferris, Sloane and Cameron get out. Cameron's having fits. + + CAMERON + We can't leave the car here! + + FERRIS + Why not? + CAMERON + Because we can't! I want it back + home where it belongs! + + SLOANE + What could happen to it? + + CAMERON + It could get stolen, wrecked, scratched, + you name it. + + FERRIS + I'll give the guy a five to watch it. + + CAMERON + What guy? + + CU. PARKING ATTENDANT + + He smiles with relish at the car. 6'6", 240. An IQ that + equals his hourly wage. Shoulder-length hair stuffed into a + hairnet Gold teeth. Earring. Goatee. + + EXT. PARKING LOT + + The Attendant swaggers over to the car. Ferris slips him a + give. + + FERRIS + You speak English? + + ATTENDANT + Since I was three. + + FERRIS + Great. I want to you take extra special + care of this vehicle, okay? + + He pats the Attendant on the arm. He smiles. + + ATTENDANT + Like it's a beautiful woman. + + FERRIS + I appreciate it. + + The Attendant very gingerly gets into the car. Ferris turns + to Cameron. The Ferrari pulls into the lot very slowly, very + carefully. No squealing tires, no revving engine. + + FERRIS + See what a finski can do to + a person's attitude? He's going + to treat it like a beautiful + woman. + + CAMERON + Yeah, sure. Whip it with a stick + and piss on the hood. + + SLOANE + Oh, please, Cameron. Do you have to + be so graphic? + + She heads down the street. + + SLOANE + This is so right! + + Ferris nudges Cameron on. They exit the garage and head + after Sloane. A long beat and the Ferrari creeps down the + exit ramp of the garage. It's gone in the entrance and out + the exit. Another attendant jumps in the passenger side. + He's skinny, tall, with a huge knit hat willed with dreads. + He lets out a spirited laugh and the Ferrari peels out of + the lot. It heads down the street away from Sloane, Ferris + and Cameron. + +104 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 104 + + Joyce's care pulls in the driveway. She gets out and heads up + the house. + +105 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 105 + + It's dark. There's a figure in the bed. We hear soft + snoring. A wire runs from under the bed covers to the closet + door to the door to the room itself. + + INT. ROOM. DOOR KNOB + + The wire is tied to the doorknob. It's taut. Downstairs, we + hear a door open and close. + +106 INT. HOUSE. STAIRWAY 106 + + Joyce quietly walks up the stairs. + +107 INT. HOUSE. HALLWAY 107 + + Joyce comes up the stairs and crosses to Ferris' room. She + listens at the door. WE HEAR THE SNORING. + + CU. DOORKNOB + + Joyce slowly turns the doorknob and pushes the door open a + crack. + + HER POV + + The door opens and the figure-like lump in the bed moves. + + CU. JOYCE + + She smiles and closes the door. + +108 INT. ROOM. CLOSET 108 + + The closet door is open. The wire from the bedroom door is + strung over the top of the closet door. A trophy is attached + to the end of the wire and it's resting on a yard stick. As + the bedroom door closes, the trophy lifts up off the + yardstick and the lump in the bed goes back down to it's + original position. + + CU. FERRIS' SYNTHESIZER + + Little LED's are lighting up to the rhythm of the snoring. + The snoring it simulated. + +109 INT. HALLWAY 109 + + Joyce listens at the door another beat. She's smiles with + relief and affection. + +110 EXT. SEARS TOWER. LATER 110 + + HELICOPTER SHOT moves in on the world's tallest building. As + it passes we see three figures pressed against the windows. + + FERRIS (VO) + This is the world's tallest building. + From our vantage point here on the + 103 floor, we are provided with a + view of four states. + + CAMERON (VO) + Do you think the car's alright? + + FERRIS (VO) + Illinois, Michigan, Wisconsin and + my personal favorite, Indiana. + +111 INT. SEARS TOWER OBSERVATION DECK 111 + + Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are standing against the window. + + CAMERON + I don't feel good, Ferris. Are + we gonna stay long? + + FERRIS + Take a step back... + + Ferris steps back. Sloane and Cameron follow suit. + + FERRIS + Now, lean against the glass. Like + this... + + He leans forward, putting all his weight on his forehead. + + FERRIS + And look down. + + Sloane leans forward. Cameron follows, reluctantly. + + SLOANE + Oh, shit! + + HER POV + + The street far, far below. A dizzying view. + + INT. OBSERVATION DECK + + The three are leaning against the glass. + + SLOANE + What if the glass gives? + + FERRIS + Death. + + SLOANE + Cool. + + CU. CAMERON + + He's looking down. + + CAMERON + I think I see my Dad. + +112 EXT. STREET LEVEL 112 + + A middle-aged man, Cameron's father, HORACE FRYE, is + standing on the street corner. He's lean, clean, tough and + humorless. He's wearing a puzzled look on his face. + + CAMERON'S FATHER + I think I see my car. + + HIS POV + + The Ferrari screams down the avenue and disappears down the + underground ramp. + +113 INT. SEARS TOWER LOBBY 113 + + Ferris and Sloane bound down the escalator. Cameron follows + glumly. They dance past the giant Calder mobile. They're + singing. + + FERRIS AND SLOANE + I BEEN ALL 'ROUND THIS GREAT BIG WORLD + AND I'VE SEEN ALL KINDS OF GIRLS + YEAH, BUT I COULDN'T WAIT TO GET + BACK IN THE STATES + BACK TO THE CUTEST GIRLS IN THE WORLD + I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA + I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA + +114 EXT. STREET 114 + + Ferris and Sloane burst out the doors garnering the annoyed + stares of the business people busily going in and out of the + building. Cameron politely waits his turn to exit. Ferris + and Sloane head down the street. Cameron follows. + + FERRIS AND SLOANE + I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA GIRLS! + +115 EXT. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE 115 + + Giant old monolith. + +116 INT. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. TRADING ROOM 116 + + Traders are frantically buying and selling commodities. + +117 INT. GALLERY 117 + + Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the gallery + watching the proceedings. + + SLOANE + Do you love me? + + FERRIS + Do you love me? + + SLOANE + I asked you first. + + FERRIS + Yes. You? + + SLOANE + Yes. + + FERRIS + Would I trash a day of education to + be with you if I didn't love you? + + SLOANE + Yes. + + FERRIS + Would I risk damaging a deep and + wonderfully enriching relationship + with my parents if I didn't love you? + + SLOANE + Yes. + + FERRIS + Would I have introduced you as my wife + if I didn't love you? + + SLOANE + Wait a minute. That was a lie. + + FERRIS + True. + + Ferris puts his arm around Sloane. + + FERRIS + Would you want to get married? I + mean if I wasn't an asshole. + + SLOANE + Sure. + + FERRIS + (serious) + Today? + + Sloane stares at him. Is he serious. + + FERRIS + I'm game. + + SLOANE + No way! + + FERRIS + I'll do it, if you will. + + Cameron suddenly adds his two cents. + + CAMERON + You need a blood test. + + Ferris looks around at him. + + FERRIS + Huh? + + CAMERON + If your blood's not compatible, + you could produce a pinhead. The + state requires a blood test. + + FERRIS + So? + + CAMERON + So, you can't get married today. + + FERRIS + Tomorrow? + + CAMERON + If you get a blood test today. + + SLOANE + I'm not getting married. + + CAMERON + I'm with you, babe. + + FERRIS + Why not? + + SLOANE + What do you mean, why not? Think + about it. + + FERRIS + Besides being too young and your + father hating my guts and not + having any place to live and feeling + awkward about being the only cheer- + leader with a husband, give me a + good reason why not. + + CAMERON + I'll give you two. My mother and + father. + + Ferris and Sloane look at him curiously. + + CAMERON + They're married and they hate each other. + (to Ferris) + You've seen them. Am I right? + + FERRIS + You're father's a toad and your + Mom's always wired out, but so what? + They're old. That's natural. + + CAMERON + It makes me puke. Seeing people + treat each other like that. It's + like the car. He loves the car. + He hates his wife. + + SLOANE + My parents are divorced. So what? + It's not like it doesn't happen + ten thousand times a day. + + CAMERON + Just because it happens doesn't + make it right. Are you comfortable + with it? + + SLOANE + No. It's not something I can get comfortable + with. I've tried. Are yours divorced? + + CAMERON + They may as well be. + + SLOANE + Do you think they're staying together + because of you? + + Cameron hasn't seen it that way. He shrugs. + + SLOANE + Do they like you? + + It hasn't occured to Cameron that his parents might not like + him. That parental love might not be a given. + + CAMERON + Yeah. Sure. + + SLOANE + Consider this...my father canned me + and my brother and my Mom for a + twenty five year old dipso with fake + tits. He dropped us like a rock. Everything + was cool at our house. I thought so. + We all thought so. Then BLAM! It's over. + + FERRIS + (to CAMERA) + This is all news to me. She keeps a + pretty good secret. + + SLOANE + (to Cameron) + It was pure selfishness. When I have + a kid, I don't care how much I want + something, if it's gonna screw-up the + kid, forget it. + + FERRIS + (to CAMERA) + She's not lying. + + CAMERON + You could change. + + SLOANE + Yeah. But I'm gonna try not to. + I'm gonna think about it. I'm + gonna try to prevent it. + + FERRIS + This is optomism. It's a common + trait with my age group. Adults + think it's cute, it's like a charming + quick that infests youth. But it's + a cool thing and I think, deep down, + crusty old shits wish they had some. + They wish they had her, too. + (points to Sloane) + Sorry. She's taken. + + CAMERON + I'd rather not have my family break + apart, thank you. + + SLOANE + Well, you know what? It ain't up + to you. It's out of your hands. + + CAMERON + So, I in other words, I should just + sit back and watch it crumble? + + SLOANE + You're merely an inhabitant in their + universe. + + FERRIS + Frightening choice of words. + + SLOANE + They call the shots. When you split + from them, you call the shots. + + CAMERON + So, you're saying I should run away? + + FERRIS + No. She's saying it's time for lunch. + + SLOANE + What? + + FERRIS + Let's go feed Cameron. + + They stand up and head out. Ferris hangs back a moment. He + cups his hands to his mouth. He yells at the top of his + voice. + + FERRIS + BUY! + + And he exits. Cool and casual. + +118 INT. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. TRADING FLOOR 118 + + It explodes with activity in response to Ferris' shout. + We HEAR A RADIO ANNOUNCER. + + ANNOUNCER + Commodity prices rose sharply today + in unusually heavy trading... + +119 EXT. RESTAURANT 119 + + A French restaurant on the Gold Coast. It's noon. + +120 INT. RESTAURANT 120 + + Ferris, Sloane and Cameron are standing in the restaurant. + Ferris is looking at the maitre 'd's reservations book. + + HIS POV + + His fingers runs down to a party of three for 12:00. + + INT. RESTAURANT + + The maitre'd returns. + + MAITRE'D + (to Ferris) + May I help you? + + FERRIS + Yes. I'm Abe Frohman. Party of + three for 12:00. + + The maitre'd looks at Ferris curiously. + + FERRIS + Is there a problem? + + MAITRE'D + You're Abe Frohman? + + FERRIS + I'm Abe Frohman. + + MAITRE'D + (chuckles) + I'm sorry, son. I'm very busy right + now. If you have trouble finding the + door... + + Sloane tugs Ferris' sleeve. He ignores her. + + FERRIS + Are you suggesting that I'm not + who I say I am? + + MAITRE'D + Shall I call the police? + + CAMERON + Let's go...Abe. + + FERRIS + I'm not going anywhere. + (to the Maitre'd) + Call the police. Go ahead. Better + yet... + (grabs the phone) + ...I'll call myself. + + Cameron chokes. Sloane grits her teeth. The maitre'd smiles + smuggly. + + CU. PHONE + + Ferris punches out a number. A beat and the restaurant's + second line lights up and the phone rings. + + INT. RESTAURANT + + The maitre'd motions for the phone so that he can answer the + call. Ferris waves him off angrily. + + FERRIS + You touch me and I yell "rat!" + There's another phone around here. + Find it. + + The maitre'd backs off. + + CAMERON + Ferris, let's split, please? + + SLOANE + Cameron's right. We're gonna + get busted. + + FERRIS + Not a chance in the world. + + He hands the phone to Sloane. + + FERRIS + Ask for Abe Frohman. + + INT. RESTAURANT. LATER + + Ferris, Sloane and Cameron are seated in the restaurant. The + maitre'd is hovering over Ferris. + + MAITRE'D + I appreciate your understanding. + + FERRIS + Don't grovel, Charles. Just leave + us to our repast and all will be + forgotten. + + MAITRE'D + Enjoy your luncheon. + + FERRIS + Thank you. + + The maitre'd backs away. Ferris smiles. Sloane is impressed. + Cameron is flushed with nerves. + + FERRIS + Darling, you were wonderful. + + SLOANE + Oh, but I had a wonderful teacher. + + FERRIS + Cameron, dear friend? + + Cameron looks to Ferris. + + FERRIS + And you thought we wouldn't have + any fun. Shame on you. + + Ferris disappears behind his menu. + +121 EXT. SCHOOL 121 + + We HEAR HALLWAY SOUNDS AND JEANIE. + + JEANIE (VO) + Ferris Bueller's days are numbered. + +122 INT. GIRL'S LOCKER ROOM 122 + + Jeanie's sitting on a bench in a field hockey uniform. She's + talking to a FRIEND. + + JEANIE + (mean, vicious) + I'm gonna bust his buns. + + FRIEND + Why? What's the point? + + JEANIE + Why? Because I'm sick of the little + dope. He manipulates my parents, he + does whatever he wants, whenever he + wants and he never gets nailed. + (wicked pause) + Well, babe, today I'm the hammer. + + She yanks angrily on the velcro strap on her sneakers. The + straps rip off in her hand. + + FRIEND + I think he's cute. + + JEANIE + Sweetie, it's an established fact that + you have no taste. Ferris is not cute. + He's not charming. He's not nice. He's + not a wonderful person. He's an ignorant + mule and the sooner everybody in this + school comes to that realization the + better off we'll all be. + + She displays the velcro straps to her friend. + + JEANIE + See? My brother strokes you, you + sympathize with him, I get pissed + off and this is what happens! + + Jeanie tosses the straps on the floor. + + JEANIE + Let me tell you something. I study + hard, I work hard, I'm polite, I'm + considerate, I'm friendly and fair + to all kinds of people. Except + morons. I try to be everything a + good, decent person should be and + you know what? + + FRIEND + Everybody thinks you're an asshole. + + Jeanie freezes with her next sentence pinned to her tongue. + + JEANIE + Excuse me? + + FRIEND + I don't think you're an asshole. + + JEANIE + Who does? + + Her friend smiles sheepishly. + + JEANIE + Rachel? + + Jeanie's friend shrugs, wags her head, does everything but + verbally confirm. + + JEANIE + Rachel's a dirt bag. Who else? + + FRIEND + I don't know. Just forget it. + + JEANIE + Forget that everybody thinks I'm an + asshole? Would you like everybody to + think you're an asshole? + + FRIEND + Not everybody thinks you're an + asshole. Mr. Rooney likes you. + + JEANIE + Oh, hey. That's exciting. A fat + fifty year old clod with B.O. + likes me. + + Jeanie shakes her head in disbelief. + + JEANIE + Would everybody be happier if + maybe I were to die in a flaming + car accident or something? + + FRIEND + Maybe if you didn't cat like and + asshole... + + JEANIE + Am I acting like an asshole? + + FRIEND + I didn't mean it that way. + + JEANIE + I this a conspiracy to shit all + over me or something? Is my brother + behind this? Tell me if he is or I'll + sock your tits. + + FRIEND + You really do have a problem, Jeanie. + + JEANIE + Me? I have a problem? + + FRIEND + Somebody who threatens to sock people's + tits has a problem. + + JEANIE + Alright. How about if I sock your + face? + + Jeanie's friend gets up. + + FRIEND + Take a walk, Jeanie. + + Her friend exits. + + JEANIE + (yells after her) + If it means anything to you, I + have my period! MY BODY'S RIDDING + ITSELF OF OLD EGGS, GODDAMN IT! + + She snarls and slumps against the lockers. + + JEANIE + He's gone. He's over. He's monkey meat. + +123 INT. MEN'S ROOM. CHEZ PAUL 123 + + Ferris is standing at the urinal. + + FERRIS + She's a person who views life as + an ordeal that must be endured. Her + body is a transport vehicle for her + anger. I don't know where she gets + this shit. Basically, the family's + pretty cool. + + He looks down at the urinal. + + FERRIS + I wonder if everybody shoots at + cigarette butts in urinals? Probably + not many women. + (continues) + I used to think that my family was + the only one that had weirdness + in it. It used to worry me. Then I + met Cameron and I saw how his + family functioned. + + He zips this trousers and steps away from the urinal. + + FERRIS + Cameron's home life is really shit. + He wasn't lying. That's why he's sick + all the time. It really upsets him. + What he said about his parents hating + each other? I refuse to sleep over at + his house. His parents fight all the + time. Even when I'm there. Is there + anything worse than being at somebody's + house when their parents are fighting? + It's the absolute height of social + discomfort. + + He checks his hair in the mirror. + + FERRIS + When they go after each other, Cameron + tightens up. It's scary. He gets so + wadded-up, you couldn't pry his buns + apart with a crowbar. The thing with + taking his old man's car? It's good + for him. It teaches him to deal with + his fear. Plus, and I must + be honest here, I love driving it. + I highly recommend picking one up. + + He exists the men's room. We hold a beat. A toilet flushes. + Another beat and Tom walks out of the stall. He crosses to + the sink. + +124 INT. RESTAURANT 124 + + Cameron and Sloane have been served their lunches. They're + staring at the plates. + + CAMERON + What is it? + + SLOANE + I don't know. But it looks like + it's already been eaten and digested. + + CAMERON + I knew it was a mistake letting + Ferris order for us. + + Ferris slides over to the table and drops into his seat. + + FERRIS + What are you doing? + + Cameron looks at Ferris. + + CAMERON + What is this shit? + + FERRIS + You got me. I don't speak French. + + He puts his napkin in his lap and smells his plate. + + FERRIS + I think it's a land-based beefoid + creature. + + He takes a bite. He savors the taste. + + FERRIS + Splendid. + + CAMERON + Really? + + FERRIS + Superb. + + Cameron and Sloane try theirs. They chew tentatively. + + FERRIS + Good? + + Sloane and Cameron shrug. It's not bad. A WAITER passes. + Ferris stops him. + + FERRIS + Yo, Clouseau! + + The waiter stops and looks at Ferris indignantly. + + FERRIS + I have a growth on my brain that + causes memory lapses. Could you + tell me what we ordered here? + + The waiter glances at the plates. + + WAITER + Sweetbreads. + + FERRIS + Uh, huh. And what might that be? + + WAITER + Pancreas. + + FERRIS + As in the gland that has important + functions in digestion and metabolism? + + CU. SLOANE AND CAMERON + + They stop chewing. They're holding their sweetbreads in their + mouths. + + CU. FERRIS + + He continues his questioning. + + FERRIS + ...That secretes a thick, colorless fluid + containing digestive enzymes? The home + of the world famous isles of Langerhans? + + CU. WAITER + + He nods broadly, knowing that he's spoiling the kids' meal. + + CU. SLOANE AND CAMERON + + They look at each other. + + CU. FERRIS + + He pats his mouth with his napkin. He looks to Cameron and + Sloane. He raises a finger, holds it a beat and gives a cue. + + CU. WAITER + + He turns away as Sloane and Cameron spit out their food. + + CU. FERRIS + + He watches Sloane and Cameron then glances at the waiter. + + FERRIS + Check, please! + +125 EXT. RESTAURANT 125 + + Tom and his two GUESTS are standing at the curb, talking. A + cab is waiting. The door's open. In the B.G. Ferris, Sloane + and Cameron come out of the restaurant. They approach the + cab. Tom's back it to Ferris. Ferris stops cold. + + FERRIS, SLOANE, CAMERON + + They turns on cue at Tom, now in the B.G., turns toward the + restaurant. + + FERRIS + 40,000 restaurants in the downtown + area and I pick the one my father + goes to. + + CAMERON + We're gonna get nabbed, for sure. + + FERRIS + No way, Cameron. Only the meek + get nabbed. The bold survive. + Let's go. + + He turns to the cab. Sloane and Cameron turn slowly. + + EXT. STREET. CAB + + Tom and his party are still jawing at curbside. Ferris, + Sloane and Cameron slowly approach the cab. Behind the backs + of the men, Ferris scoots Sloane into the cab. Cameron + dashes in. The Ferris hops the cab. + + INT. CAB + + Ferris slams the door. + + CU. CAB DOOR HANDLE + + A man's hand reaches for the handle as the cab pulls away. + + EXT. RESTAURANT + + Tom and his guests watch in bewilderment at their cab takes + off. MUSIC COMES UP. + +126 EXT. MUSEUM OR SCIENCE AND INDUSTRY 126 + + The grand old Chicago museum. + +127 INT. MUSEUM. OVERHEAD SHOT 127 + + The main gallery is crowded with school kids. + + INT. MUSEUM. FLOOR + + A class of kids walking along holding hands. Among the + second graders are Ferris, Sloane and Cameron, holding hands + looking like giant grade schoolers. + + INT. MUSEUM. DISPLAY CASE + + Baby chicks are hatching in a huge, round incubator. Sloane, + Ferris and Cameron are intently watching the process. + + INT. MUSEUM. COAL MINE + + Sloane, Ferris and Cameron ride in the coal train in the + coal mine replica. Ferris and Sloane are making out. + + INT. MUSEUM. INDUSTRIAL DISPLAY + + Sloane operates a metal press to produce a tin ashtray. + + INT. MUSEUM. HEART REPLICA + + A giant, walk-thru replica of a human heart. Ferris staggers + out of it, clutching his heart, feigning a massive heart + attack. + + INT. GERMAN U-BOAT + + Ferris is examining the controls of the captured U-Boat. He + checks to see if he's being watched then he presses a button + and pulls a lever. + + CU. PROPELLER + + For the first time in forty years, the screw turns. + + CU. HUMAN FETUS IN A BOTTLE + + The famous stages of life display which features bottled + fetuses. The ninth month. A tiny human being in a jar. + + CU. SLOANE, FERRIS, CAMERON + + Sloane wants to cry. Cameron's stomach is in his throat. + Ferris is lost in thought. The MUSIC ENDS. + + SLOANE + (remorsefully) + I wonder if he has a name? + + FERRIS + (blank) + Ninth Month. + +128 EXT. CHICAGO RIVER. LONG, HIGH SHOT 128 + + From the Merchandise Mart, looking down the fetid, green + swath of water. A boat is rolling up the man-made canyon. + + CAMERON (VO) + Are you guys worried about nuclear war? + + FERRIS (VO) + Cameron, it's a beautiful day, we've + won our freedom, we're traveling down + one of American's most scenic polluted + waterways and you have to bring up + nuclear war? + + SLOANE (VO) + It is kind of raggy subject, Cam. + + CAMERON (VO) + Regardless. It's with us every day. + The possiblity of global destruction. + + SLOANE (VO) + Don't you think it's an issue because + people need something to worry about? + They have to like, have some major + problem that puts all their little + bullshit into some kind of persepective? + + CAMERON (VO) + Maybe. + + FERRIS + They used to have Viet Nam. They + used to have the oil crisis stuff + and Iran. That's over and people + have to have their big issue. It's + not like somebody came up with the + nuclear holocaust yesterday at + noon, you know. + + SLOANE (VO) + To answer your question...No, I'm not + worried about it at all. + + FERRIS (VO) + We don't know when the bombs going + off. We do know, however, that college + starts in the fall. + + CAMERON (VO) + (dramatic, deadly serious) + Do you know what a nuclear winter is? + + Long beat. + + SLOANE (VO) + Yeah. Everybody's dead, it's real + cold and the skiing's for shit. + + The boat makes the turn in the river and CLEARS FRAME. + + EXT. BOAT DOCK + + The three are sitting on the aft deck of the tour boat. + Their feet are up on the railing. Very casual, very relaxed. + Discussing the end of the world. + + SLOANE + My step-father's always going off about + how when he was young he was committed to + all these causes. + + FERRIS + He's full of shit. All the old hippies + are full of shit. + + SLOANE + He says I don't care about things like + he did. + + FERRIS + What's he care about now? + + SLOANE + Baldness, fatty meats and money. + + FERRIS + I rest my case. + + CAMERON + What's spooky is they still control + everything. They took over when they + were young and they never gave it up. + + FERRIS + One of the most frightening experiences + of my young life has been observing + my parents and our neighbors playing + the Baby Boom Edition of Trivial Pursuits. + It's chilling to see people crazed with + the minutia of their past. + + CAMERON + It's human nature to like what you had + better than what you have. + + SLOANE + Agreed. + + A loud speaker on the boat identifies a point of interest. + + LOUDSPEAKER + TO YOUR LEFT IT THE WORLD'S TALLEST + BUILDING... + + The three look to the left. + + LOUDSPEAKER, FERRIS, + SLOANE, CAMERON + The Sears Tower. + + CAMERON + You know, this is all very interesting + but I'm starving. + + FERRIS + An hour ago you wanted to yack. + + CAMERON + I feel better now. + + FERRIS + Lean over and grab a fish. + + Cameron looks over the side of the boat. An obtuse thought + flashes through Sloane's brain. + + SLOANE + What comes after a nuclear winter? + + FERRIS + Nuclear spring. + +129 EXT. SCHOOL 129 + + Meanwhile... + +130 INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE DEAN'S OFFICE 130 + + Jeanie is having a small moral debate with herself. + + JEANIE + It's reprehensible to squeal on + your own flesh and blood...but it's + for his own good. His cavalier + attitude will get him into trouble + later in life...and it'll continue + to piss me off and I'll get so + wadded-up that it'll cause cervex cancer + and he'll ruin my life. Screw him. + + She slips into the Dean's outer office. + +131 INT. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE 131 + + Rooney's secretary is behind her desk. Jeanie walks in. The + secretary looks up and greets her with a weary smile. + + SECRETARY + Hello, Jeanie. Who's bothering + you now? + + Jeanie scowls at her. + + JEANIE + Is Dean Rooney in? + + SECRETARY + I'm sorry, he's out. Can I help you? + + JEANIE + (condescending) + I seriously doubt it. When's he back? + + SECRETARY + I don't know. He left the grounds + on personal business. + +132 EXT. STREET. CU. CURB 132 + + A car tire rolls into FRAME and stops. Slide across to the + sidewalk. Rooney's dress shoe steps out onto the pavement. + Move up to reveal Rooney standing at the door of his + bile-green LeBaron. Rooney peels off his shades and looks + around like he's Dirty Harry. In his mind he is Dirty Harry. + + CU. FIRE HYDRANT + + Rooney's dres shoe on the hydrant. He ties his lace and + pulls up his sock. + + EXT. STREET + + Rooney straightens his tie and jacket and slips into a rowdy + hot dog joint. + +133 INT. HOT DOG STAND 133 + + It's jammed with construction workers, secretaries, suburban + businessmen. It's loud and confusing. Rooney pushes his way + in and scopes the crowd. + + HIS POV + + A young person is playing a video game in a far corner. + + CU. ROONEY + + He suspects it's Ferris. It look sort of like Ferris. He + smiles and cuts into the crowd. + + CU. THE BACK OF THE VIDEO PLAYER'S HEAD + + MOVE IN on the player. + + ROONEY (OC) + I've been waiting a long time + for this. + + The player looks up. + + ROONEY (OC) + Your ass is mine. + + The player turns around. It's a GIRL. + + CU. ROONEY + + The blood evacuates his face. He stares at the girl. + + CU. GIRL + + She stares at him. She picks up her Coke. She puts the straw + to her lips and sucks. + + CU. ROONEY + + He's still staring. He can't think of anything to say. + + CU. GIRL + + Holding the straw in the mouth, she draws it out of the cup. + She raises it, pointing it directly in Rooney's face. + + CU. ROONEY + + He squints + + CU. GIRL + + She blows a strawful of Coke in Rooney's face. + + CU. NAPKIN HOLDER + + A hand yanks a napkin hold. + + INT. HOT DOG STAND. SERVICE COUNTER + + Rooney wipes his face. Behind him is the kitchen and a + grease-covered TV set broadcasting a Cubs baseball game. + There's a long foul ball. The TV camera follows the ball + into the stands. A kid makes a stab at the ball. Rooney + wipes his suit off. The TV camera zooms in on the boy + triumphantly holding the foul ball aloft. It's Ferris. + He does a little celebration dance. Rooney wads up the + napkin and tosses it in a trashbin. The TV camera returns to + the game. Rooney glances at the screen. + + ROONEY + What's the score? + + HOT DOG MAN + Zero to zero. + + ROONEY + Who's winning? + + HOT DOG MAN + Cubs. + + Rooney nods and exits. + +134 EXT. WRIGLEY FIELD. STANDS 134 + + Ferris sits down with the baseball. He shakes his stinging + paw. On either side of him are Cameron and Sloane. Cameron's + scarfing nachos. + + FERRIS + I think I broke my thumb. + + SLOANE + Can we leave now? + + FERRIS + You want to leave? We just got here. + + SLOANE + You got a call, you broke your thumb, + what's left to do? + + Cameron offers his nachos to Sloane. She looks at them with + disgust. + + SLOANE + No wonder you're always sick. + + Ferris leans back, puts his hands behind his head and turns + his face to the bright sun. + + FERRIS + Do you realize that if I played by + the rules, right now I'd be in gym? + +135 EXT. HIGH SCHOOL. PLAYING FIELD 135 + + A boy's gym class is doing laps. A blue Fiat pulls into the + shot. + +136 INT. FIAT 136 + + Jeanie's at the wheel. She sneaks a glance at the school. + + JEANIE + I can't believe my brother's making + me put myself in a position where I + could get expelled. Selfish little + moron. + (pause) + Ferris? You're overshadowed + me long enough. I'm gonna get + you, buddy. + + She puts the car in gear and drives out of the shot. + +137 EXT. STATE STREET 137 + + A parade is underway. Floats and politicians. Marching + bands, drum and bugle corps, soldiers, school kids. Figure + skating club in outfits and skates performing their routines + on pavement. It's GERMAN-AMERICAN APPRECIATION DAY. + + EXT. STATE STREET. FLOAT + + Riding atop on a float is Ferris. He's waving to the crowd. + He and half a dozen homely German-American Beauty Queens. + He's leading the girls in singing, "DANKE SHOEN". + + EXT. STATE STREET. SLOANE AND CAMERON + + They're watching Ferris go by. They wave to him. + + SLOANE + I love him. + + CAMERON + It's hard not to. + + Cameron breaks a smile. As worried as he is about the day + and getting caught, he has to admire Ferris for his lack of + inhabitions. Cameron mumbles a few words. + + CAMERON + Stop...water...want... + + SLOANE + Do you believe in reincarnation? + + CAMERON + Huh? + + SLOANE + Do you believe that you lived before? + + CAMERON + Yeah. Sort of. + + SLOANE + DO you ever wonder what you were? + + CAMERON + I don't have to wonder. I know. + + Sloane looks at him with amazement. + + CAMERON + I was a tractor tire. + + EXT. STATE STREET. FLOAT + + Ferris is on his knees, reaching down from the float, + shaking hands with people in the crowd. + + FERRIS + Guten tag, dude! + + EXT. STATE STREET + + Sloane and Cameron continue their conversation. + + CAMERON + What were you in a previous life? + + SLOANE + I'm not sure but I think I know + who Ferris was. + + CAMERON + Hannibal. + + SLOANE + From the A-Team? + + CAMERON + No. The guy who rode the elephants + into Switzerland. + + Sloane laughs at herself. They step out of the crowd and + head down the street in the direction the parade's heading. + + SLOANE + I think if he was anybody, he + was Magellan. You know, the guy + who went around the world. + + Cameron nods. + + SLOANE + I could see him ignoring popular + belief and taking off on some + impossible mission. + + CAMERON + Yeah. As long as I've known him, + everything works for him. There's + nothing he can't handle. I can't + handle anything. School, parents, + the future. Ferris can do anything. + + EXT. STATE STREET. FLOAT + + Ferris is playing "TWIST AND SHOUT" on the accordian. The + girls on the float are singing. + + FERRIS + WELL, SHAKE IT UP, BABY, NOW! + + GIRLS + SHAKE IT UP, BABY + + FERRIS + TWIST AND SHOUT! + + GIRLS + TWIST AND SHOUT! + + FERRIS + COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, BABY ON! + COME ON AND WORK IT ON OUT! + + GIRLS + WORK IT ON OUT! + + EXT. STREET. SLOANE AND CAMERON + + They continue their conversation. + + SLOANE + The future's worse for a boy, isn't + it? + + Cameron doesn't understand what she means. + + SLOANE + A girl can always bail out and + have a baby and get some guy + to support her. + + CAMERON + That's a pretty grim thought. + + SLOANE + True, but it's an option. No options + is worse. + + CAMERON + I don't know what I'm gonna do. + + SLOANE + College. + + CAMERON + Yeah, but to do what? + + SLOANE + What are you interested in? + + CAMERON + Nothing. + + SLOANE + Me either. + + They walk on for a few beats. We HEAR "TWIST AND SHOUT" + GROWING LOUDER AND LOUDER. The sons is taking over all the + other tunes in the band. It's infecting the entire parade. + + CAMERON + What do you think Ferris is gonna + do? + + EXT. STATE STREET. MARCHING BAND + + They're playing TWIST AND SHOUT. + + EXT. STREET. MOUNTED POLICE OFFICER + + He's singing. + + POLICE OFFICER + YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO GOOD! + + EXT. STREET. PUNKS + + A band of PUNKS are dancing on the roof of a news kiosk. + + PUNKS + LOOK SO GOOD! + + EXT. STREET MOTHER AND HER CHILDREN + + A WOMAN and her two TODDLERS sing along. + + WOMAN + YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO FINE! + + TODDLERS + LOOK SO FINE! + + EXT. STREET. BLACK TEENAGER + + He's wearing a shower cap and a maroon overcoat. + + TEENAGER + COME ON AND TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! + + EXT. STREET. OLD NEWSPAPER SELLER + + He singing along. + + NEWSPAPER SELLER + TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! + + EXT. STREET. CHOIR GROUP + + They're marching down the parade. They're singing in their + angleic voices. + + CHOIR + AND LET ME KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! + + EXT. STREET. STREET CLEANERS + + With their brooms ready... + + STREET CLEANERS + KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! + + EXT. STREET. DECK + + The entire parade is singing and playing "TWIST AND SHOUT". + + EXT. STREET. VIEWING STAND + + The POLITICIANS and their WIVES stand up. + + POLITICIANS AND WIVES + AH! + + EXT. STREET. VIEWING STAND + + The CLERGYMEN stand. + + CLERGYMEN + AH! + + EXT. STREET. VETERANS + + Marching in formation and in WWII uniforms. + + VETERANS + AH! + + EXT. STREET. FLOAT + + Ferris leads the Beauty Queens in the rousing finale. + + FERRIS + AH! + + EXT. STREET. WIDE AND HIGH + + The entire parade is at frenzy pitch. + + PARADE + AHHHHH! + + The SOUND OF THE VOICES blends with the SOUND OF A RED-LINED + HIGH PERFORMANCE ENGINE. + +138 EXT. CALUMET CITY 138 + + The Port of Chicago. Grim, gritty waterfront. Suddenly, + Cameron's father's car flies OVER CAMERA. Like the opening + shot in Star Wars. The Starship Ferrari. SLO-MO. + + CU. FERRARI UNDER-CARRIAGE + + It travels past to reveal a beautiful blue sky. SLO-MO. + + CU. PARKING ATTENDANT + + His eyes are wide with exhilaration. Mouth open, tongue out. + Maniac at the wheel. SLO-MO. + + CU. RASTAMAN + + His eyes are closed. Big smile. SLO-MO, + + EXT. STREETS. KIDS + + They're looking up in the air, following the car as it flies + over them. Broad, excited smiles. The car's shadow passes + over them. SLO-MO. + +139 CU. CAR GRILLE 139 + + It fills the frame and stops. We MOVE UP to reveal Rooney + behind the wheel of his car. + + EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE + + Rooney gets out of his car. He looks at the house, looks up + and down the street, then crosses to Ferris' house. + +140 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 140 + + Rooney's at the front door. We see him peek in a window at + the top of the door. The doorbell rings. + +141 INT. HOUSE. FERRIS' ROOM. COMPUTER 141 + + It acknowledges the doorbell. + + CU. CASSETTE PLAYER + + It clicks on. + +142 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT PORCH 142 + + The house intercom activates. We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE. + + FERRIS + Who is it? + + Rooney presses the intercom. + + ROONEY + This is Ed Rooney, Ferris. I'd + like to have a word with you. + + FERRIS' VOICE + I'm sorry I can't come to the door + right now. I'm very ill and I'm + afraid that in my weakened condition, + I could take a nasty spill down the + stairs and subject myself to further + school absenses. + + There's a pause. Rooney presses the intercom again. + + ROONEY + B.S. Come down here. + + FERRIS' VOICE + You can reach my parents at their + places of business. Thank you for + stopping by. I appreciate your concern + for my well-being. It will be remembered + long after this illness has past. + + His voice clicks off. Rooney presses the intercom again. + + ROONEY + I'm not leaving until you come + down and talk to me. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Have a nice day. + + Rooney presses the intercom. + + ROONEY + I'm not leaving, Ferris. + + There's no response. Rooney rings the doorbell again. The + pre-recorded litany starts over. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Who is it? + + Rooney doesn't realize that he's listening to a recording. + + ROONEY + Don't get smart with me Ferris! + + FERRIS' VOICE + I'm sorry I can't come to the door + right now. I'm very ill and I'm + afraid that in my weakened condition... + + Rooney leans back from the door. He can't quite figure out + what's going on. But's it's highly suspicious. + +143 INT. HOUSE. LIVING ROOM 143 + + Rooney steps through the hedges and peeks in the windows. We + HEAR FERRIS' VOICE inside. + + FERRIS' VOICE + You may reach my parents at their + places of business. + +144 INT. HOUSE. KITCHEN 144 + + Rooney tries to peak in the kitchen window. + + FERRIS' VOICE + I appreciate your conern for my + well-being. It will be remembered + long after... + +145 EXT. HOUSE. BACKDOOR 145 + + A black rubber doggie door. The type that allows a dog to + come and go as it pleases. Rooney is crouched down. He lifts + the doggie door and peeks in the house. + + HIS POV + + Along the kitchen floor. Through the kitchen, into the + dining room. We hear a LARGE DOG GROWL. + + CU. ROONEY + + He's peaking through the door. He hears the dog. His face + freezes. + + FERRIS + Have a nice day. + + EXT. HOUSE. DOGGIE DOOR + + A Rottweiler bursts through the doggie door in a fury of + gnashing teeth and foam. + +146 CU. LARGE BREASTS 146 + + Tassled pasties twirl like airplane propellers. + + CU. CAMERON, FERRIS AND SLOANE + + They're sitting in a booth in the garish, nearly deserted + strip joint. Cameron's mouth is open in amazement. Sloane is + embarrassed and revolted. + + CAMERON + How does she do that? One goes + one way, one goes the other. + + FERRIS + She's probably schizophrenic. + + SLOANE + Ferris, this is nauseating me. + Really. I'm losing respect for + you by the bucket. + + FERRIS + You don't think it's amazing that + we got in? + + SLOANE + Who wants to get in? + + FERRIS + Cameron looks like a toddler, for + Christ's sake. I'm talking about + a major achievement in false + identification. + + SLOANE + I'm not interested in watching + someone jiggle their mammary glands. + + FERRIS + Point well taken. But consider why + she does it. Why she does it and + you don't. + + SLOANE + I'm not a tramp. + + FERRIS + Maybe her life fell apart. Maybe she + lost somebody. A lover. A boyfriend. + A parent. A child... + (to CAMERA) + This kind of thing makes me a little + depressed. You may think because I'm + the age I am that I'm a sex maniac. + That sex is all I think about. + But that's not true. I'm a romantic. + I think alot of people my age are. + We think about love and matters of + the heart. And SAT scores and acne + aside, we worry about lonliness. It's + a terrible thing. And we feel it. I + feel it. + + He flips his collar up, curls his lip and affects an Elvis + impression. A sappy, do-wop track FADES UP. The club lights + go down. Cameron and Sloane disappear into darkness. Ferris + stands up from the booth. He strolls slowly through the + empty club as the stripper bumps and grinds in a pool of + blue light. + + FERRIS + You know, someone said the world's a + stage and each must play a part. + Fate had me playing in love, with you + as my sweetheart. Act one was when we + met. I loved you at first glance. You + read your lines so cleverly and never + missed a cue. Then came act two. You + seemed to change. You acted strange. + And why, I've never known. + + He climbs up on the little runway. The stripper disappears + in darkness as Ferris takes over the spotlight. + + FERRIS + Honey, you lies when you said you + loved me and I had no cause to + doubt you. But I'd rather go on + hearing your lies than to go on + living without you. Now, the stage + is bare and I'm standing there with + emptiness all around and if you won't + come back to me, then they can bring + the curtain down... + + Elvis fades up. The orignal recording. Ferris lip synchs + with the big, dramatic florish that was the King's trademark + ballad sign-off. + + ELVIS + IS YOUR HEART FILLED WITH PAIN? + SHALL I COME BACK AGAIN? + TELL ME DEAR, ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT? + + Ferris drops his head. Like the King would. + +147 EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET. CAMERON'S CAR 147 + + Cameron's father is looking at the car. He's studying it. It + looks terribly familiar. He leans into the open car and + reaches for the glovebox to see if the contents will confirm + if it's his. He freezes. He looks up slowly. + + HIS POV + + The Attendant and the Rastaman are glowering at him. They're + holding bags of fried chicken. + + ATTENDANT + You looking for something in my + car? + + CU. CAMERON'S FATHER + + He shakes his head, no. + + CAMERON'S FATHER + No. + +148 EXT. FERRIS' TOWN. JEANIE 148 + + Jeanie's standing at her car. She's staring incredulously + into the distance. Her mouth's open. She's shaking her head + slowly. + + HER POV + + Spray-painted on the town water tower in gigantic black + letters -- SAVE FERRIS BUELLER. + + CU. JEANIE + + She's furious. + + JEANIE + I'm gonna microwave his nuts... + +149 EXT. MICHIGAN AVENUE 149 + + Afternoon traffic. + +150 INT. TAXI CAB 150 + + Ferris, Sloane and Cameron in the backseat of a checker. + Ferris is on one window, Cameron on the other. Sloane's in + the middle. Ferris is talking to the DRIVER. + + FERRIS + So... + + He leans forward and reads the driver's name off the city + license. + + FERRIS + So, Yuri, how long have you been + in America? + + DRIVER + One year. + + FERRIS + What's your overall impression? + + DRIVER + It's very good here. + + FERRIS + Better than Russia? + + DRIVER + Much better here than in Russia. + + FERRIS + Clearly you've never been to an + American high school. + + Ferris sits back. He puts his arm around Sloane. + + CAMERON + It's getting late, Ferris. I have + to get the car home. I know you + don't care, but it means my ass. + + FERRIS + You think I don't care? + + CAMERON + I know you don't care. + + FERRIS + That hurts, Cameron. + + SLOANE + Jump back, Ferris, Cameron's been + a good sport. + + FERRIS + Cameron, what'd you see today? + + Cameron looks at him. + + FERRIS + You saw four states, a submarine, + a giant heart, seventy five dollars + worth of cooked pancreas, two of the + most incredible breasts ever to come + out of modern plastics, major + league baseball and... + (quizical look) + Are you gonna chuck your nachos? + + Cameron's staring past Ferris. He's frozen. Ferris realizes + he's looking at something out the window. He turns. He + freezes. + + HIS POV + + In the gridlock traffic, their cab is squeezed tight + alongside another cab. In that cab is Tom. He's about a foot + from Ferris. He turns and looks right into CAMERA. + + TOM'S POV + + Ferris' frozen face. + + FERRIS' POV + + Tom glances back at his paper. He pauses. Looks up. Thinks. + Turns back to CAMERA. + + TOM'S POV + + Sloane is sitting where Ferris was. She's wearing + sunglasses, looking bored. She turns and glances out the + window. Fakes a yawn. + + HER POV + + Tom stares at her. He's baffled. He looks away. + + INT. CAB. FLOOR. + + Cameron and Ferris are on the floor. On their asses, with + their backs to the back of the front seat, feet up on the + seat. + + FERRIS + (to Sloane) + What's he doing? + + SLOANE + (revolted) + He's looking at me and he's licking + the glass and making obscene gestures + with his hands. + + FERRIS + What?! + + Sloane bursts out laughing. + + SLOANE + Roast! + + She licks her finger and touches Ferris knee. She makes a + sizzling sound. She collapes on the seat in hysterics. + + INT. TOM'S CAB + + Tom's looking into Ferris' cab. + + HIS POV + + Sloane's bouncing up and down. + + CU. TOM + + He can't quite figure out what's going on. He turns and + slowly raises his newspaper over his face. We see on the + back of the paper a small story with the headline: COMMUNITY + RALLIES AROUND SICK YOUTH. + +151 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE. BACKYARD. DOG 151 + + The Rottweiler's chewing on a shoe. Tearing it apart. + + EXT. BACKYARD. ROONEY + + He's standing outside the fence. He's missing a shoe. His + suit pants are torn from the crotch to the knee. His suit + coat pocket is torn off. His hair's messed and there're + grass-stains on his knees and elbows. He's looking in at the + dog. + + ROONEY + That's a $28.00 dress shoe, you + worthless mutt! + + HIS POV + + The Rottweiler leaps at CAMERA. + +152 EXT. CITY STREET 152 + + Ferris is leading the way down Michigan Avenue. He's + hustling through the crowd. He has Sloane by the hand. She's + jogging to keep up. Cameron's a few steps behind. He keeps + bumping into people. Ferris and Sloane make the turn at + Wacker Driver and disappear into the Stone Container + Building. Cameron follows, mumbling again. + + CAMERON + Money...tits...please... + +153 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT 153 + + A florist truck pulls up in front of the house. A DELIVERY + MAN gets out iwth a huge floral arrangement. He heads up to + the house. + +154 EXT. HOUSE. PORCH 154 + + Rooney's sitting on the porch patting a bloody knee with his + handkerchief. The delivery man hops up on the steps. Rooney + looks up at him. He greets Rooney cheerily. + + DELIVERY MAN + Howdy! + + He presses the doorbell. A beat and we hear Ferris' + recording. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Who is it? + + The Deliver Man presses the intercom. + + DELIVERY MAN + Focus on Flowers. I have a delivery. + + FERRIS' VOICE + I'm sorry but I can't come to the + door right now. I'm very ill and I'm + afraid... + + ROONEY FERRIS' VOICE + It's a recording, asshole. ...that in my weakened + condition, I could take a + DELIVERY MAN nasty spill and subject + What's your problem? myself to further school + absenses... + ROONEY (pause) + He's one of my students. You can reach my parents + at their places of + DELIVERY MAN business. Thank you for + Little bugger's dying. stopping by. I appreciate + your concern for my well- + ROONEY being. It will be + What? remembered long after + this illness has passed. + + DELIVERY MAN + As I heard it from our mailman + he was supposedly born with only + half a kidney. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Have a nice day. + + DELIVERY MAN + (to the intercom) + Thank you. + (continues) + I don't know the details. But my + boss had to send to Milwaukee to + get more orchids. He's very + popular. + + Rooney is flabbergasted. + + DELIVERY MAN + Nobody's home here? + + ROONEY + No. + + DELIVERY MAN + You gonna be around for awhile? + + ROONEY + I imagine so. + + DELIVERY MAN + You wanna keep an eye on these? + + Rooney looks at the flowers. Then he looks at the Delivery + Man. + + DELIVERY MAN + (happy sigh) + It really touches me that so many people + are rallying behind this guy. I guess + there's hope for the human race afterall. + + He hands the arrangement to Rooney. + + DELIVERY MAN + Gotta run. + + He bounds off the porch and trots to the truck. Rooney looks + incredulously at the arrangement. He opens the attached + card. + + ROONEY + (defeated) + Oh, Christ... + + CU. CARD + + It's signed: + + ALL OUR BEST FOR A SPEEDY RECOVERY + THE ENGLISH DEPT. FACULTY AND STAFF + +155 INT. RADIO STATION STUDIO 155 + + The number one afternoon FM rock'n roll D.J. is sitting + behind his microphone. + + D.J. + I don't know who that was or + what they were playing but I + apologize for it nonetheless. + (pause) + I have a guest with me today... + +156 INT. STUDIO. FERRIS 156 + + He put his headphones on. + +157 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 157 + + Jeanie's car pull in the driveway. We hear her car radio. + + D.J. + His name is Ferris Mueller. + + FERRIS + Bueller. Ferris Bueller. + + INT. CAR. JEANIE + + She goes into shock. Her eyes blink, her head cocks. + + D.J. + Sorry about that. + + FERRIS + It's cool. + + Jeanie draws back and punches out her radio. + + CU. CAR ANTENNA + + The impact of her blow to the radio shoots the antenna in + the air. + +158 INT. STUDIO 158 + + Ferris leans forward and adjusts the microphone. + + D.J. + He has an incredible story. + + Ferris turns to CAMERA. + + FERRIS + I'm going to tell a massive lie here. + It's going to by very thick and very + steamy. I think radio's a facinating + medium, it challenges the imagination. + Unlike television which provides the + images, radio... + (pause) + You know this. Anyway, it's always been + a dream of mine to be on the radio. + I have what I consider to be an excellent + broadcast voice. I practise it in the + bathroom all the time. I used to play + records and do introductions to them. + But I've never had the chance to sit + behind a microphone and try it out + for real. This is a 50,000 watt outlet. + I'm going out to several million people + so let me just say, I'm in a very pleasant + groove right now. + (clears his voice, + speaks into the + mike, affects a + "radio" voice) + Well, Steve, you and your listeners are + probably not going to believe this but... + +159 INT. SCHOOL 159 + + A group of kids are sitting around a blaster. + + FERRIS' VOICE + ...I'm the first Chicago area youth + to be selected to participate in + a space shuttle mission. + +160 INT. STUDIO 160 + + Ferris turns from the mike to CAMERA. + + FERRIS + I was going to say I knew Springsteen's + home phone number and I was going + to give out the number of the New + Jersey State Police but I thought I + might get busted. After I got flunked + in driver's ed for sideswiping a mail + box, which was not in any way, shape + or from my fault. I was putting out a + cigarette, like I was told. It was weird. + I'm so used to getting in a car and + lighting up, because I'm not allowed to + smoke at home, that I got in the driver's + ed. car and spaced completely, pulled out + of the lot, lit up a 'boro and Mrs. Heller + looked at me like I'd just pulled a bunny + out of my nose or something and I realized + what the hell I was doing and I went to + put it out and hit the mail box. Anyway, + I was so pissed off at her reaction to + the whole thing that I considered running + an ad in a sleaze magazine for a school + teacher that does phone sex and I was gonna + use Mrs. Heller's home number but is cost + too much. I took it again and passed. But + I had to work at Burger King to get the + cash to pay for the driver's ed. car. The + car got fixed in auto shop for nothing and + I think Rooney pocketed the cash. But I + can't prove it? I'm in high school, remember? + + He turns back to the DJ. + + D.J. + How did you get picked for this. + + FERRIS + It's kind of a long story but I've + been doing alot of programming for + NASA. + +161 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 161 + + A even larger group of kids is listening to the blaster. + They're cheering him on. + +162 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE. BACKYARD 162 + + The Rottweiler is laying unconscious on the lawn. The flower + arrangement is scattered all over the yard and the ceramic + vase the flowers were in has obviously struck the dog. The + broken pieces are all around the dog's head. + + EXT. FERRIS HOUSE. BACKYARD. ROONEY + + He's smiling with great satisfaction. + + ROONEY + Sleep tight, pooch. + + He hears something in the house. His head snaps around. He + drops down and peek in the windows. + + HIS POV + + A glimpse of a fleeting figure. + + CU. ROONEY + + His eyes dance in anticipation of revenge. + +163 INT. HOUSE. FERRIS' ROOM 163 + + Jeanie kicks the door open. The yardstick flings the covers + and the pillows beneath them in the air. She stomps in and + turns off the snoring synthesizer. + + JEANIE + I knew it! + + She grabs the phone and sits down. She dials a number. + +164 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT 164 + + Rooney sneaks around the side of the house. He slinks up on + the porch. The front door's open. He peeks in. + +165 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 165 + + Jeanie's on the phone. + + JEANIE + Is Mrs. Bueller there? Where is she? + This is her daughter. Do you know where + she is? Do you know when she'll be back? + Do you know anything? + + She slams the phone down. + + JEANIE + The worm has luck like clams + have body odor... + + She's startled by a noise downstairs. A smile spreads across + her face. He's back and she's going to nail him. + +166 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 166 + + Rooney sneaks into the house. He looks around the foyer and + heads into the kitchen. + +167 INT. HOUSE. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY 167 + + Jeanie tiptoes down the stairs. + +168 INT. HOUSE. KITCHEN 168 + + Rooney sneaks through the kitchen into the den. + +169 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 169 + + Jeanie comes down the stairs into the foyer. + +170 INT. HOUSE. KITCHEN 170 + + Rooney comes out of the den, back into the kitchen. He + crosses back toward the foyer. + +171 INT. FOYER 171 + + Jeanie sneaks into the kitchen. + +172 INT. KITCHEN 172 + + Jeanie and Rooney come face-to-face. Jeanie squeals in + horror. She doesn't recognize Rooney as himself but as an + intruder. She drops into a karate stance and kicks Rooney in + the face. He hits the deck. She flees back up the stairs. + +173 INT. CAR 173 + + Boyd is sitting in the backseat of Joyce's car listening to + the radio. + + FERRIS' VOICE + My input on the Star Wars defense + plan was pretty substantial so I + guess this is their way of rewarding + me. I'm pretty flattered. + + EXT. CAR + + Joyce and her clients leave a show house and head toward the + car. + + INT. CAR + + Boyd looks out the window as his parents and Joyce appear. + + D.J. VOICE + Can you stay around and take a few + phone calls? + + FERRIS' VOICE + I'd really like to but I have a kidney + operation in about an hour. + + EXT. CAR + + Joyce and her clients take one last look at the house. + + JOYCE + If you're willing to commit a + little time and a little money + to this place, you can really + have something to be proud of. + Don't let the black living room + throw you off. + + She opens the car door. + + INT. CAR + + The door opens. + + D.J. VOICE + I wish you the best of luck. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Thanks, Steve. + + D.J. VOICE + A very interesting guy, Ferris Bueller. + + Joyce gets in. The clients get in the other side. A song + starts. + + JOYCE + (to the kid) + Well, Boyd, how are you bearing + up? + + The kid stares at her. + + JOYCE + Did I tell you I have a son + your age? + + BOYD + Twice. + + JOYCE + His name is Ferris. I think you'd + like him. + + Boyd sits up in the seat at the mention of Ferris' name. + + BOYD + Is he going up in the space shuttle + in September? + + Joyce looks around at Boyd. She gives him a curious look. + + JOYCE + Not that I know of. + + BOYD + I knew he was bullshitting. + + MOTHER + Watch your mouth. + + BOYD + How do you watch your mouth? + + JOYCE + Do you know my son? + + FATHER + Don't pay any attention to him. + He thinks it's cute to bait adults. + + BOYD + I don't think it's cute. I think + it's fun. + + Joyce give him a puzzled smile and starts the car. + +174 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 174 + + Jeanie's on the phone. She's in a panic. + + JEANIE + This is not a phoeny phone call. There's + an intruder, male caucasian, possibly armed, + certainly weird, in our kitchen. + (pause) + My name is Bueller. + + There's another pause. Jeanie's face drops. + + JEANIE + It's real nice that you hope my + brother's feeling better but I'm + in danger, okay? I'm very cute, + I'm very alone and I'm very + protective of my body. I'd rather + not have it violated or killed. + I need help! + +175 INT. KITCHEN 175 + + Rooney's plugging his bloody nose with paper towel. The + intercom goes on. + + JEANIE'S VOICE + Excuse me. If whoever's in the house + is still in the house, I'd like you + to know that I have just called the police. + If you have any brains whatsoever, you'll + get your ass out of my house real quick. + + Rooney stiffens with fear. + + JEANIE'S VOICE + I'd also like to add that I have + my father's gun. And a scorching + case of herpes. + +176 EXT. STREET 176 + + Rooney's car is hooked to a tow truck. It's parked in front + of a fire hydrant and the windshield is decorated with + parking citations. In the distance SIRENS WAIL. + +177 EXT. PARKING LOT 177 + + The three are waiting for the Ferrari. We HEAR TIRES + SQUEALING, AN ENGINE REVING-OUT. Then the Ferrari pulls down + the ramp and jams to a frightening stop. A BLACK GUY jumps + out. Ferris hands him the parking stub. + + FERRIS + Just out of curiosity, what was + your top speed coming down the + ramp? + + BLACK GUY + (matter-of-fact) + About 60. + + FERRIS + Stunning! + + He hands him a buck and opens the door and pulls the + passenger seat forward for Cameron. + + FERRIS + This is probably the last time you'll + have to ride back here. Keep that in + mind. + + Cameron gives him a look and squeezes in. + +178 EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET 178 + + The Ferrari cruises through traffic. + + INT. FERRARI + + Sloane's in the passenger seat. Ferris is driving and + Cameron is crammed in the back. + + SLOANE + What's next. + + CAMERON + Nothing. We return the car. + + SLOANE + We could go to my house. My parents + aren't coming home until late. + + FERRIS + We have enough cash left for a quick + flight to Peoria and back. + + CAMERON + Very funny. + + Ferris looks in the mirror and changes lanes. He glances + down at the speedometer, then to the road. And back to the + speedometer. + + FERRIS + Cameron? How many miles did you + say this thing had when we left? + + CAMERON + One hundred and twenty six and + halfway between three and four + tenths. Why? How many miles are + on it now? + + He glances down at the speedometer. + + CU. SPEEDOMETER + + The odometer reads 432.7. + + FERRIS + (to CAMERA) + Here's where Cameron goes berserk. + + EXT. TRAFFIC + + The Ferrari pulls up at a stop light. We HEAR A THUNDERING, + MUFFLED SCREAM. + + EXT. EXPRESSWAY + + The Ferrari is buzzing through traffic. + + INT. FERRARI + + Sloane turns in her seat and looks at Cameron. Her gesture + is one of genuine support. + + SLOANE + You okay? + + CU. CAMERON + + His eyes are frozen in a mindless, vacant stare. + + CU. FERRIS + + He looks at Sloane. He's concerned. + + FERRIS + Hey, Cameron. It's okay. We'll fix + it. + + CU. CAMERON + + He's still holding the stare. He starts to breathe heavily. + He's trembling. + + CU. SLOANE + + She whips around in the seat and grabs his arms. + + SLOANE + Cameron! Cut it out! What's + wrong?! Ferris! + + CU. FERRIS + + He shoots Sloane a look. + + FERRIS + Cameron, are you okay? It's + no problem, really. Your old + man won't know a thing. It's + completely fixable. + + INT. FERRARI + + Sloane fires an angry look at Ferris. + + SLOANE + Shut-up! It is a problem! For + him it's a problem. Nothing's + a problem for you. But it's + a problem for him! So, just + shut-up. + + She turns back to Cameron. + + SLOANE + What can I do, Cameron? + + CU. FERRIS + + Eyes front. He knows what he's doing. + +179 INT. FERRIS' HOUSE. FOYER 179 + + The doorbell rings. The Ferris' tape is activated. + + FERRIS VOICE + Who is it? + + We hear a MALE VOICE over the intercom. + + VOICE + Anybody home? + + FERRIS' VOICE + I'm sorry that I can't come to + the door right now... + + The tape continues as Jeanie hurtles down the stairs. + + JEANIE + I'm saved! Thank you, God! + Thank you, thank you, thank you! + + She jumps the last few stairs and slides to the front door. + She whips it open. + +180 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT DOOR 180 + + The door swings open. + + JEANIE + Thank...you... + + Her jaw goes slack. She blinks her eyes. + + HER POV + + The Delivery Man and a young ASSISTANT are standing at the + door with floral arrangements. Spread all around them are + more flowers. A sexy singing NURSE and a BALLOON MAN steps + up on the porch. + + NURSE + (sings) + WE HOPE YOU'RE FEELING BETTER + WE HOPE YOU'RE FELLING FIT + WE... + + The door slams shut. + +181 EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET 181 + + Rooney's walking down the street. A school bus is crawling + alongside him as kids hang out the windows. From inside we + hear SHOUTING and seventeen different SONGS PLAYING ON + BLASTERS. A top forty montage. + + KID + Hey, Mr. Rooney! What're you doing? + + Rooney doesn't respond. + + ANOTHER KID + Did you get in a fight? + + Rooney keep walking. The bus doors open. The DRIVER calls + out to him. + + DRIVER + You want a lift? + + Rooney takes a few more steps. He stops. The bus stops. + Rooney takes a deep breath. He climbs aboard the bus. + +182 INT. BUS 182 + + The bus is jammed with WONKS and WEINERETTES. The passengers + are silent as they watch Rooney shuffle down the aisle and + take an empty seat next to a skinny, myopic GIRL. + + CU. GIRL + + She looks at Rooney and smiles. She pushes her Coke bottle + glasses up on her nose. + + CU. ROONEY + + He looks vacantly at her. + + CU. GIRL + + She holds her smile. + + GIRL + I'll bet you never smelled a + real school bus before. + + CU. ROONEY + + He stares at her. + + CU. GIRL + + She holds up a candy package. + + GIRL + Gummi Bear? + + CU. ROONEY + + He stares at her. + + CU. GIRL + + She puts one in her mouth. + + GIRL + They've been in pocket. They're + real soft and warm. + + CU. BOY + + A rotund FRESHMAN BOY sitting across from Rooney is staring + at him. + + CU. ROONEY + + He looks across to the kid. + + CU. BOY + + He leans forward. + + FRESHMAN BOY + It's kind of like being in the + belly of the beast isn't it? + + CU. ROONEY + + He turns him eyes to the front. The bus jerks forward and + pulls away. + +183 EXT. BUS 183 + + It grinds through the gears as it heads down the quiet + street. The BLASTERS go back on, the SHOUTING RESUMES. + +184 EXT. PARK 184 + + Cameron's laying on a picnic table. Sloane's sitting beside + him on the table. She's stroking his hair. Ferris WALKS INTO + THE FOREGROUND. He addresses CAMERA. + + FERRIS + This may very well be for real. I + think Cameron might have blown a + micro-chip or two. He's always been + a little keyed-up. All I wanted to do + was give him a good day. We're + gonna graduate in a couple of months. + Then we have the summer. He'll work + and I'll work. And we'll see each + other at night and on the weekends + but then he'll go to one school and I'll + go to another. And basically that'll + be it. As much as we like each other, + the process of growing up will + separate us. + + He begins to walk. We follow him. + + FERRIS + Sloane's a bigger problem. She still + has another year of high school. How + do I deal with that? I was serious when + I said I'd marry her. I would. This isn't + just teenage infatuation. That's what my + parents call it. What do they call what they + have? If that's love, I'll take infatuation. + + CU. CAMERON + + His eyes are closed. Sloane's stroking his hair. + + FERRIS (VO) + Cameron's never been in love. At + least no one's ever been in love + with him. He's gonna marry the first + girl he lays. And she's gonna treat + him like shit because he's gonna + kiss her ass for giving him what he's + built-up in his mind as the end-all, + be-all of human existance. She won't + respect him because you can't respect + someone who kisses your ass. It just + doesn't work. + + CU. SLOANE + + She's studying Cameron's face. She looks away. + + SLOANE + Ferris? + + CU. FERRIS + + He looks to the picnic table. Then back to CAMERA. + + FERRIS + I'm being tested here. + + He starts back to the picnic table. + + FERRIS + My best friend has flipped-out. + Conventional wisdom would suggest + a visit to the nearest trauma + center. I wouldn't fault anybody + for doing that. My, personally, + I think this calls for something + new, something bold, something wet + and wild. + +185 CU. JACUZZI JET 185 + + UNDERWATER SHOT. A hyrdojet spews a gush of air bubbles. + + CU. BLASTER + + A finger pushes the PLAY button on the cassette. MUSIC COMES + UP. + + CU. BEER CAN LID + + The finger pops a beer. + + CU. OREO PACKAGE + + A painted fingernail pierces the cellophane wrapper. + + INT. JACUZZI + + Ferris and Sloane are in Sloane's parents' Jacuzzi. Their + clothes are tosssed around the deck. Cameron's been placed + in a patio chair at the edge of the Jacuzzi. He's still + catatonic. He's mummbling softly. Ferris is drinking a beer. + Sloane's eating Oreos. + + FERRIS + You feeling any better, Cameron? + + SLOANE + The water's really nice. I wish + you'd come in. + + CU. CAMERON + + Staring into space. + + CAMERON + Surgery...fire...move... + + CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS + + They look at each other. She offers him a cookie. He offers + her his beer. + + FERRIS + Cameron? Do you think this because + of the car or is it a combination + of everything shitty in your life? + + CU. CAMERON + + He doesn't respond. + + CAMERON + Music...kiss...attack... + + CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS + + Sloane sips the beer. + + FERRIS + You just can't deal with anymore + shit? The car took you into the + red zone? Time for a reality check? + + SLOANE + Cameron? I could flip real easy, too. + There's nothing wrong with it. At one + time or another, everybody goes to + the zoo. + + FERRIS + Maybe he was actually sick. Maybe + he wasn't bullshitting himself. + + CU. CAMERON + + No response. + + CAMERON + Gesundheit...God...mercy... + + EXT. BACKYARD + + Ferris and Sloane watch their catatonic friend. + + CU. CAMERON + + He smiles. + + CU. SLOANE + + She leans forward and stares at Cameron. + + CU. FERRIS + + He cocks his head, wondering what Cameron's up to. + + CU. CAMERON + + He keels over forward. + + EXT. BACKYARD + + Cameron falls out of the chair and splashes down, + face-first, into the water. Sloane screams. Ferris leaps for + him. + + UNDERWATER + + Ferris struggles with Cameron's lifeless bulk. + + CU. SLOANE + + She's screaming. Ferris thrashes around in the water. + + UNDERWATER + + Ferris grabs Cameron's collar and rips him out of the water. + + EXT. BACKYARD + + Ferris sits Cameron on the edge of the Jacuzzi. + + FERRIS + CAMERON! + + CU. CAMERON + + His eyes are closed. He's lifeless. + + CU. FERRIS + + His face is a mask of terror. He shakes Cameron. + + CU. SLOANE + + She's screaming. + + CU. CAMERON + + A smile spreads across his face. + + CU. FERRIS + + He sees the smile. He stops shaking Cameron. + + EXT. JACUZZI + + Ferris and Cameron are looking at each other. Sloane's still + screaming. She realizes that Cameron's okay. She stops + screaming. + + SLOANE + What? + + FERRIS + (Cameron) + You asshole! + + Cameron's smiling. + + SLOANE + What? + + Ferris starts to laugh. Cameron explodes with laughter. + Sloane's bewildered. + + SLOANE + What's so funny? + +186 INT. POLICE STATION. WAITING ROOM 186 + + Jeanie's sitting on a wooden bench with a WASTED TEENAGE BOY + in a Triumph t-shirt, long hair, torn jeans, creepers, studs + and chains. He's studying her. + + BOY + Drugs? + + JEANIE + No, thank you. I'm straight. + + BOY + I meant, are you here for drugs? + + Jeanie stares at him. + + JEANIE + Why are you here? + + BOY + Drugs. + + JEANIE + I don't know why I'm here. + + BOY + Then why don't you go home? + + JEANIE + Why don't you put your thumb + up your butt? + + The boy stares at her. + + BOY + You want to talk about your problem? + + JEANIE + With you? Are you serious? + + BOY + Yeah, I'm serious. + + JEANIE + Blow yourself. + + Jeanie turns away. The boy crosses his legs. Jeanie looks + back at him. + + JEANIE + You really want to know what's wrong? + + The boy shrugs. + + JEANIE + Alright. If you've got the time, + I've got the troubles. In a nutshell, + I hate my brother. How's that? + + BOY + That's cool. Did you shoot him or + something? + + JEANIE + No, not yet. + + The boy nods. He understands the emotion. + + JEANIE + I went home to confirm that the + shithead was ditching school and + a guy broke into the house and I + called the cops and they picked me + up for making a phoney phone call. + + BOY + What do you care if your brother + ditches school? + + Jeanie stares at the boy. + + JEANIE + Why should he get to ditch school + when everybody else has to go? + + BOY + You could ditch. + + JEANIE + I'd get caught. + + BOY + So, you're pissed at him because + he ditches and doesn't get caught? + + JEANIE + Basically. + + The boy nods knowingly. + + BOY + Then your problem is you. + + JEANIE + Excuse me? + + BOY + Excuse you. You oughta spend a little + more time dealing with yourself and + a little less time worrying about + what your brother does. It's just + an opinion. + + Jeanie stares angrily at him. Partly because he's so bold + and partly because he's so right. + + BOY + There's somebody you should talk + to. + + Jeanie stares at him threateningly. + + JEANIE + If you say Ferris Bueller, you lose + a testicle. + + BOY + You know him? + + CU. JEANIE'S HAND + + It curls into a fist. + +187 CU. FERRARI TIRE 187 + + It's spinning rapidly. + + CY. ACCELERATOR + + A brick's resting on the accelerator, holding it down. + + INT. CAMERON'S GARAGE + + Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the garage. The + Ferrari is jacked up. The wheels are turning. The engine's + racing. + + CAMERON + The whole time I was just thinking + things over. I was like, meditating. + I was thinking about the future. + And I realized it doesn't make + and difference if the present + goes to shit. + + FERRIS + I have a agree with you there. + + SLOANE + Really. + + CAMERON + I've been thinking all day that if + you could only have the use of one + word, what would it be? + + FERRIS + Sloane is naked before your eyes and + you're thinking about words? + + SLOANE + God bless you, Cameron. + + CAMERON + Thank you, Sloane. + + CAMERON + If you guys only had one word, what + would it be? + + FERRIS + I can't believe you'd think up something + like with a naked girl in a jacuzzi + right in front of you. + + SLOANE + Come on, Ferris, answer his question. + + FERRIS + Bathroom. + + SLOANE + I'd say... + + She thinks. + + FERRIS + Cash. + + CAMERON + It's the only word you could + ever use. + + FERRIS + Hello. + + SLOANE + Love. + + FERRIS + And what is you loathe somebody? + Are you going to say "love" every + time you see them? + + SLOANE + It's better than "hello". + + FERRIS + Hellos' generic. + + SLOANE + You wanna be generic? + + CAMERON + It's help. + + Cameron smiles at his wisdom. Ferris and Sloane think about + it. It's a good choice. Cameron gets up and walks to the + Ferrari. + + CAMERON + The word is help. + + Cameron peeks in the window. + + CU. ODOMETER + + Nothing's happening. + + INT. GARAGE + + Cameron pulls his head out of the car. + + CAMERON + Ferris? It's not working. + + Ferris looks up. + + CAMERON + The miles aren't coming off, running + it in reverse. + + FERRIS + I thought that might be a problem. + Let's crack open the odometer and + roll it back by hand. + + Cameron shakes his head. + + CAMERON + I got a better idea. It's cool. + + He walks back around behind the Ferrari. + + CAMERON + Seventeen years and I've never + taken a stand. Now, I'm gonna + do it. I'm taking a stand against + my father, against my family, + against myself, against my past, + my present and my future. I will + not sit idly by as events that affect + me unfold to change the course of + my life. I will take a stand and I + will defend it. When my father comes + home tonight, he's finally going + to have to deal with me. Good or + bad, I'm taking a stand. + + CU. FERRIS + + He turns to CAMERA. + + FERRIS + This is a big U-2 fan. + + CU. SLOANE + + She smiles proudly at Cameron. She applauds him. + + CU. CAMERON + + He's serious and determined. He has made up his mind and it + appears that it won't be changed by anyone but himself. + + CU. TIRES + + It's spinning wildly. + + CU. MERCEDES BUMPER + + Cameron's foot rests on the bumper. A beat and it gives a + mighty shove. + + CU. TIRE + + The spinning tires slam down on the cement. + + INT. GARAGE + + Cameron has kicked the Ferrari off the jack. It squeals out + of the garage in a cloud of blue tire smoke. A $50,000 + unmanned investment heading backwards down a driveway. + + CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS + + They're in shock. + + EXT. HOUSE + + The Ferrari shoots down the driveway. + + INT. GARAGE + + Cameron watches the car go. He's strangely placcid about the + impending disaster. Ferris and Sloane are bewildered. + + THEIR POV + + The Ferrari travels down the driveway, across the street, + over the curb into the wooded property opposite the house. + + CU. TREE + + The Ferrari's brief journey ends as it smacks a tree trunk. + + INT. GARAGE + + Ferris and Sloane exchange baffled looks. They look at + Cameron. He's proud and bold. + + FERRIS + What was that about? + + SLOANE + This has to be a dream. + + FERRIS + Cameron? One quick question. + Why'd you do that? + + Cameron holds his proud posture for a beat. Then a look of + bewilderment comes over his face. He shoots a look to + Ferris. A puzzled look. + + FERRIS + You trashed the car. + + Cameron looks across the street. + + SLOANE + Why? + + CAMERON + I took a stand. + + FERRIS + No, Cameron. You wrecked a car. + + Cameron thinks for a moment. Then he regains his confidence. + + CAMERON + It's okay. + + Ferris looks across the street at the car. + + FERRIS + I have an idea. If you're interested. + + Cameron looks at him. He shakes his head. + + CAMERON + I'm gonna handle it. + + FERRIS + I think this could work. + + CAMERON + No, thanks. I want to deal with + it by myself. + + SLOANE + What about your one word? + + CAMERON + You already did it. If I need it + again, I'll use it. + + He smiles. He raises am impish eyebrow. + + CAMERON + It's cool. I'm loose. + +188 INT. POLICE STATION. OFFICE 188 + + Joyce is talking with the juvenile officer. Outside the + office, on the bench, we see Jeanie and the boy making out. + + JOYCE + She's never been in trouble before. + This is a shock to me. First, I + don't know why she wasn't at school. + Second, I don't know why she'd call + you with this story about a rapist. + + OFFICER + For whatever reasons she did it, + I think she'd had a good scare. + + JOYCE + I hope so. I appreciate your calling + me. I can assure you that her father + and I will have a long talk with her. + + The gathers her purse and jacket and stands. + + JOYCE + Thank you. + + OFFICER + Oh, by the way, I hope you son's + feeling better. + + Joyce looks at the officer curiously. + + OFFICER + Tell him, all the guys at the + station here are pulling for + him. + +189 INT. POLICE STATION. WAITING ROOM 189 + + Jeanie quickly breaks the embrace with the boy as Joyce + steps out of the juvenile officer's room. She's still a + little bewildered that everybody knows Ferris was ill. + Jeanie wipes her lips and sits up straight. The boy adjusts + his pants to better hide his passion. + + JEANIE + (to the boy) + If you keep this to yourself, I + think we can probably get it on + pretty good. + + BOY + For sure. + + Jeanie stands up. + + JEANIE + Hi. + + JOYCE + Don't "hi" me, young lady. Get + your stuff. + + Jeanie reaches down for her purse. + + BOY + What's your name? + + JEANIE + Jean. What's yours? + + BOY + Garth Volbeck. + +190 EXT. SLOANE'S BACKYARD 190 + + Sloane and Ferris are standing at the back fence. + + SLOANE + I had a great time today. + + FERRIS + Yeah. It was pretty cool. + + SLOANE + You think Cameron's gonna be + alright? + + FERRIS + Sure. He had to so it, I guess. + His old man had it coming. He'll + be okay. I'd be worried if he'd + taken my idea. + + Sloane smiles knowingly. + + SLOANE + You didn't have an idea, did you? + + FERRIS + Not a glimmer. + + SLOANE + You're so smart. + + FERRIS + No. I'm just real loose. + + He kisses her. + + FERRIS + I'll call you tonight. + + Sloane nods. Ferris jumps the fence and takes off across the + backyards. Sloane watches him go. A huge smile spreads + across her face. + + SLOANE + I LOVE YOU! + + She backs away from the fence. MUSIC FADES UP. + + SLOANE + He's gonna marry me. I know it. + + She turns and runs into the house. + +191 EXT. BACKYARD 191 + + Ferris sprints across a backyard. He jumps a plaster elf. + +192 EXT. ANOTHER BACKYARD 192 + + Ferris vaults a fence. He runs directly for a swimming pool. + He's approaching it from the side. He leaps, hits the diving + board, springs off, does a flip and lands on the grass on + the other side of the pool. + +193 CU. BEDSPREAD 193 + + Neatly bundles stacks of bills and rolled coins. A + significant amount of cash. + + CU. SLOANE + + She's writing. + + CU. PIECE OF PAPER + + We see a portion of the typewritten letter as she signs it. + + "...in the amount of $1,765.33. It + gives us great pleasure to assist + you in performance of your worthy + and much needed survives to those + so desperately in need. + + Sincerely, + + Sloane Peterson + Executive Director + The Ferris Bueller Foundation" + +194 EXT. FERRIS' STREET 194 + + He's running down the middle of the street. A car honks. + Ferris moves to the side. The car pulls around him. + + INT. CAR. + + Tom's at the wheel. He glances in the mirror. He does a + take. + + HIS POV. MIRROR + + We see Ferris cut across a front lawn and into a house. + + CU. TOM + + He realizes it couldn't be Ferris. + +195 INT. HOUSE 195 + + Ferris runs through the kitchen, past a WOMAN, fixing dinner + and out her backdoor. The Woman looks up curiously. + +196 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 196 + + Tom pulls in the driveway. He parks and gets out. Joyce + pulls in from the other direction. + +197 EXT. HOUSE. BACK PORCH 197 + + Ferris tries the door. It's locked. He reaches down and + lifts the doormat. + + CU. PORCH + + The outline of a key in the dirt under the mat. The key's + gone. The toe of a chewed-up dress shoe steps INTO FRAME. An + OMNIOUS CHORD IS STRUCK. + + CU. FERRIS + + He stares up in horror. + + HIS POV + + Rooney's looking down at him. He's holding the house key. + + EXT. PORCH + + Ferris stands up. He smiles. + + ROONEY + Looking for this? + + FERRIS + Yes. + + ROONEY + I got you, Ferris. This time I finally + got you. + + Ferris is caught. There's no way out. Rooney gloats + severely. + + ROONEY + How does another year of high + school sit with you? + + Suddenly, the backdoor opens. Jeanie looks out. She feigns + joy and relief. She rushes Ferris and hugs him. + + JEANIE + Thank God, you're alright! We've + been worried sick! + + CU. FERRIS + + A moment of curiosity. Then it dawns on him what's + happening. He smiles. + + CU. ROONEY + + His eyes dart from Ferris to Jeanie to Ferris. His victory + is evaporating. + + EXT. PORCH + + Jeanie breaks the embrace. + + JEANIE + (to Rooney) + Thank you for bringing him home, + Mr. Rooney. + (to Ferris) + You better get up in bed tight + now. + + Ferris limps into the house. + + JEANIE + Can you imagine someone as sick as + Ferris trying to walk home from the + hospital? + (shakes her head) + Kids! + + CU. ROONEY + + He's dumbfounded. + + CU. JEANIE + + She raises her hands and strikes a karate pose. A huge smile + passes over her face. + + CU. ROONEY + + A look of terror as he realizes that is was Jeanie who + kicked him and that Jeanie knows it was he who she kicked. + + EXT. PORCH + + Jeanie steps into the house. + +198 INT. HOUSE 198 + + The door closes on Rooney's defeated, lost, dejected, + bewildered face. Not only has he lost Ferris again, he has + Jeanie to deal with next year. + +199 EXT. YARD. CU. DOG 199 + + The click of the door wakes him up. His head pops up off the + grass. + + CU. ROONEY + + He senses new danger. We hear AN O.C. GROWL. Rooney squeezes + his eyes shut. + +200 INT. KITCHEN 200 + + Kimberly and Todd are sitting at the kitchen table watching + TV and eating cereal. They look up at Ferris as he comes in + from outside. + + TODD + Ferris? Does my head look like + it's getting bigger? + + Ferris leans against the counter as he tries to catch his + breath. He looks at his little brother. + + FERRIS + No, but Kimberly's is. + + He crosses to the refrigerator and opens it. Kimberly feels + her head. + + KIMBERLY + (to Todd) + Is he serious? + + TODD + I think so. + + KIMBERLY + Oh, shit! + + Ferris takes out a bottle of orange juice out of the + refrigerator and drinks straight from the bottle. Jeanie + comes in. + + FERRIS + Thanks, Jeanie. + + JEANIE + No problem. + + FERRIS + By the way, I borrowed some cash + from you. I'll pay you back. + + JEANIE + You don't have to. + + FERRIS + I want to. + + JEANIE + You don't have to. I've been ripping + off your wallet for years. + + Ferris gives her a proud smile. + +201 EXT. HOUSE 201 + + Joyce and Tom head up to the kitchen. + +202 INT. KITCHEN 202 + + Ferris and Jeanie exit the kitchen as Joyce and Tom enter. + + JOYCE + (to Todd and Kimberly) + Hi, guys. + + KIMBERLY + Is my head swelling up? + +203 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 203 + + The foyer is jammed with floral arrangements, plants and + gifts. Ferris and Jeanie step gingerly through the flowers + and head upstairs. + + JEANIE + I'm sorry I've been riding your + buns for so long. + + FERRIS + It's completely cool. + + JOYCE (OC) + Ferris! + + Ferris continues up the stairs. He affects a sickly voice. + + FERRIS + Upstairs, Mom! + +204 INT. SECOND FLOOR LANDING 204 + + Ferris and Jeanie stop. + + JEANIE + Do you know a guy named Garth + Volbeck? + + FERRIS + Vaguely. + + JEANIE + Is he cool? + + FERRIS + He's cool. But stay away from his + brother. + + Ferris walks into the room, brushes the crumbs off his hands + and peels off his shirt. He climbs into bed. No sooner are + the covers over him than the bedroom door opens and Joyce + and Tom walk in. They walk over to the bed. Joyce sits down. + + JOYCE + Honey? + + CU. FERRIS + + The same deathly face he had in the morning. Tongue out, + eyes bulging. + + TOM (OC) + Ferris? How do you feel? + + He pulls in his tongue to speak. + + FERRIS + (deathly gasp) + 150% better, thank you. + +205 INT. BEDROOM 205 + + Tom and Joyce hover over him with deep concern. + + FERRIS + I'm much better, really. Please, + don't make me stay home again. I + want to go to school. I'm graduating + in June and I... + + TOM + Ferris. You're sick. There's no point + pushing yourself and making it worse. + + FERRIS + Maybe you're right, Dad. + + TOM + I know I'm right. + + Joyce leans over and kisses him forehead. + + JOYCE + How did you get so sweet? + + FERRIS + Years of practice. + + Tom pats Ferris on the rump. He and Joyce exit. + + CU. FERRIS + + The hideous face. A beat and we HEAR THE BEDROOM DOOR CLOSE. + Ferris looks at CAMERA. + + FERRIS + (happy sigh) + Yeah, life is a carousel. A + great big crazy ball of pure + living, breathing joy and delight. + + He rolls over on his back and puts his hands behind his + head. + + FERRIS + You gotta get one. + + He smiles. + + MUSIC UP BIG + + END TITLES + + THE END +`).then(e => console.log(`Código finalizado, ${e} mensagens enviadas`)).catch(console.error) From 5d4e64cfe5aa6046d7871459840a9c8b0fc97ae1 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: peixotmarc <48831018+peixotmarc@users.noreply.github.com> Date: Fri, 20 Oct 2023 14:07:12 +0100 Subject: [PATCH 6/9] Delete FerrisBuellerDayOffSendScript --- FerrisBuellerDayOffSendScript | 6887 --------------------------------- 1 file changed, 6887 deletions(-) delete mode 100644 FerrisBuellerDayOffSendScript diff --git a/FerrisBuellerDayOffSendScript b/FerrisBuellerDayOffSendScript deleted file mode 100644 index c7656b0..0000000 --- a/FerrisBuellerDayOffSendScript +++ /dev/null @@ -1,6887 +0,0 @@ -async function enviarScript(scriptText){ - const lines = scriptText.split(/[\n\t]+/).map(line => line.trim()).filter(line => line); - main = document.querySelector("#main"), - textarea = main.querySelector(`div[contenteditable="true"]`) - - if(!textarea) throw new Error("Não há uma conversa aberta") - - for(const line of lines){ - console.log(line) - - textarea.focus(); - document.execCommand('insertText', false, line); - textarea.dispatchEvent(new Event('change', {bubbles: true})); - - setTimeout(() => { - (main.querySelector(`[data-testid="send"]`) || main.querySelector(`[data-icon="send"]`)).click(); - }, 100); - - if(lines.indexOf(line) !== lines.length - 1) await new Promise(resolve => setTimeout(resolve, 250)); - } - - return lines.length; -} - -enviarScript(` - "FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF" - - by - - John Hughes - - SHOOTING SCRIPT - July 24, 1985 - - - "FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF" - - 1 BLACK SCREEN 1 - - MAIN TITLES - - IT'S SILENT. A BEAT...AND AN EXPLOSION OF SOUND. A HOUSEHOLD - IN THE MORNING. KIDS GETTING READY FOR SCHOOL. CLOCK RADIOS. - KITCHEN APPLIANCES. SHOWERS. FIGHTING. PEOPLE YELLING. DOG - BARKING. APPLIANCES BUZZING. CAR HORNS. IT SOUNDS JUST LIKE - YOUR HOUSE DID. STREAMS OF ROCK'N ROLL FADE IN AND OUT. HUEY - LEWIS TO LIONEL RITCHIE TO HUSKER DU. SURROUND MAKES IT FEEL - LIKE YOU'RE IN THE ROOM. AN AURAL TOUR OF A HOUSE ON A - SCHOOL MORNING. BEGINING IN THE KITCHEN AND MOVING UPSTAIRS. - - FATHER'S VOICE (TOM) - Where's my wallet?! - - SEVEN YEAR OLD BOY (TODD) - YOU IDIOT!! - - TWELVE YEAR OLD GIRL (KIMBERLY) - MOM! - - TODD - SHUT-UP! - - EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL (JEANIE) - I NEED A TOWEL!! - - TOM - JOYCE! - - KIMBERLY - (whispers, sadistic) - When you turn ten, your head's going - to swell up real big like a watermelon - and we're going to have to put you - to sleep like they do with a dog. - - TODD - MOM! - - TOM - JOYCE!! - - JEANIE - WHO PISSED ON THE TOILET SEAT!? MOTHER!! - - TOM - Where's Mom? - - TODD - Is my head going to swell up? - - TOM - What?! - - JEANIE - OH, MY GOD! THE TOILET PAPER'S ALL WET!!! - - MOTHER (JOYCE) - (screams) - TOM! - - The house falls dead SILENT. We hear footsteps thundering - through the house. A TENSE STRAIN OF MUSIC FADES UP. - - TODD - What's that? - - KIMBERLY - Wait! Hold still! - - TODD - What?! - - KIMBERLY - You heads starting to swell up!! - - Todd screams. We hear the sound of Tom's footsteps running - through the kitchen, down the hall, up the stairs, up the - hallway. A door open. - - TOM - (breathless) - What's the matter? - - JOYCE - (worried) - It's Ferris! - - TOM - What's wrong? - - JOYCE - (snaps) - What's wrong? For Christ's sake! - Look at him! - - 2 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS 2 - - An eighteen year-old boy. He's staring lifelessly at CAMERA. - His mouth's open. His eyes are bugged-out. His tongue is fat - and dry in his mouth. He's laying in bed, on his side. - - 3 INT. BOY'S BEDROOM 3 - - Ferris' parents, TOM and JOYCE BUELLER are standing at - bedside. They're in their late forties, early fifties. - Handsome, upper-middle class parents. They're both dressed - for work. - - TOM - Ferris? - - JOYCE - He doesn't have a fever. But he says - his stomach hurts and he's seeing spots. - - 4 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS 4 - - His lifeless eyes blink. - - 5 INT. BEDROOM. PARENTS 5 - - Tom bends down and touches Ferris' forehead. - - TOM - What's the matter, Ferris? - - JOYCE - Feel his hands. They're cold and clammy. - - Tom takes one of Ferris' hands. - - TOM - (discreetly) - Should you call the doctor? - - JOYCE - (whispers) - He doesn't want me to. - - TOM - Why don't you want Mom to call - the doctor? - - Ferris exhales loudly. He tries to speak but all he can - manage is a choked gasp. - - TOM - What? - - Ferris tries again. - - FERRIS - (raspy) - Don't make a fuss. I'm fine. I'll get up. - - He starts to get up. Joyce gently pushes him back down. - - FERRIS - I have a test today. I have to take it. - I want to get into a good college - so I can have a fruitful life... - - JOYCE - You're not going to school like - this. - (to Tom) - Maybe I should call the office and - tell them I won't be in. - - FERRIS - I'm okay, Mom. I feel perfectly...Oh, God! - - He's gripped by a seizure. His body stiffens and he chokes. - His older sister, JEANIE, walks into the room. She's dressed - for school. She's cute and stuck-up. A major pill. - - JEAN - Oh, fine. What's this? What's his problem? - - JOYCE - He doesn't feel well. - - JEAN - Yeah, right. Dry that one out - and you can fertilize the lawn. - - TOM - That's enough, Jeanie. - - JEANIE - You're not falling for this, are you? - Tell me you're not falling for this. - - FERRIS - Is that Jeanie? I can't see that - far. Jeanie? - - JEANIE - Pucker up and squat, Ferris. - - JOYCE - (annoyed) - Thank you, Jeanie. Get to school. - - JEANIE - (angry, defeated) - You're really letting him stay home? - I can't believe this. If I was bleeding - out my eyes, you guys'd make me go to - school. It's so unfair. - - FERRIS - Please don't be upset with me, Jeanie. - Be thankful that you're fit and have - your health. Cherish it. - - JEANIE - (to herself) - Oh, I wanna puke. - - She glares at Ferris. Her eyes are mascara and vengence. She - slips out of the room. Ferris' brother, TODD and sister, - KIMBERLY peek into the room. - - KIMBERLY - Myocardial infarction? - - JOYCE - Get your stuff. Daddy'll be right - down. - - KIMBERLY - Syphilitic meningitus? That would be - a huge family embarrassment. - - TOM - Get downstairs! - - KIMBERLY - If he dies, I got dibs on his stereo. - - She turns sharply and exits. - - TODD - (worried) - Dad? Does my head look alright? - - JOYCE - Get downstairs! Now! - - TODD - Just answer me one question! Is it - swelling up? Kim said it was going - to get as big as... - - KIMBERLY (OC) - A WATERMELON! - - TODD - (yells out the room) - Shut-up! - - JOYCE - Get downstairs! NOW! - - Todd backs out of the room. - - FERRIS - I'll be okay. I'll just sleep. - Maybe I'll have an aspirin around - noon. - - JOYCE - (to Ferris) - I'm showing houses to the family - from California today but I'll be in - the area. My office'll know where - I am, if you need me. - - TOM - I'll check it with you, too. - - FERRIS - It's nice to know I have such - loving, caring parents. You're - both very special people. - - 6 CU. FERRIS 6 - - He acknowledges Tom with a pathetic flutter of his eyelids. - - 7 INT. BEDROOM. JOYCE 7 - - She strokes Ferris' hair. - - JOYCE - I hope you feel better, pumpkin. - - She leans down and kisses his forehead. Tom pats his - shoulder. - - TOM - Get some rest. - - 8 CU. FERRIS 8 - - Ferris lets out a wheeze. His glassy eyes follow his parents - to the door. - - JOYCE (OC) - We love you, sweetie. - - TOM (OC) - Call if you need us. - - They close the door. The lock clicks. Ferris' eyes shift - from the door to CAMERA. A sly, little smile crawls across - his lips. - - FERRIS - They bought it. - - The MTV theme music ROARS IN. - - 9 CU. TV SCREEN 9 - - The TV at the foot of Ferris' bed. The MTV logo is playing. - - 10 INT. BEDROOM 10 - - Ferris yanks open the drapes. The pall of the sickroom - disappears in the brilliant glow of morning sunlight. - - FERRIS - Incredible! One of the worst performances - of my career and they never doubted it - for a second. - (looks out the window) - What a beautiful day! - - He turns from the window. - - FERRIS - Parents always fall for the clammy hands. - It's physical evidence of illness. It's - a good, non-specific symptom. Parents are - generally pretty hip to the fever scams. - And to make them work you have to go a hundred - and one, hundred and two. You get a nervous - mother and you end up in a doctor's office - and that's worse than school. - - He flips on his stereo and fills the room with the MTV - broadcast. A NEW SONG begins. - - FERRIS - Fake a stomach cramp and when you're - doubled over, moaning and wailing, just - lick your palms. It's a little stupid - and childish but then so if high school. - Right? - - He equalizes the sound a little. - - FERRIS - This is my ninth sick day with semester. - If I go for ten, I'm probably going to - have to barf up a lung. So, I absolutely - must make this one count. - - He exits into the hallway. - - 11 INT. BATHROOM 11 - - Ferris walks into the bathroom. It's littered with Jean's - debris. He turns on the shower water. - - FERRIS - I don't care if you're fifty five - or seven, everybody needs a day off - now and then. It's a beautiful day. - How can I be expected to handle - high school? - - He bends down OUT OF FRAME as he loses his briefs. He pops - up. - - FERRIS - I do actually have a test. That wasn't - bullshit. - - He steps into the shower. Through the pebbled glass of the - shower door we see Ferris' outline. - - FERRIS - That I care about it was. - - 12 INT. BATHROOM. SHOWER STALL. 12 - - Inside the shower. Ferris' hair is standing straight up. - It's moulded into a fin with shampoo. - - FERRIS - It's on European socialism. I mean, - really. What's the point? I'm not - European. I don't plan to be European. - So, who gives a shit if they're socialists? - They could be fascist anarchists and it - still wouldn't change the fact that I - don't own a car. - - He turns the shower head around and uses it like a - microphone. - - FERRIS - (sings) - WELL SHAKE IT UP, BABY, - TWIST AND SHOUT... - - 13 INT. HALLWAY. LATER 13 - - Ferris comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around - his waist. He's drying his hair with another of a different - color. - - FERRIS - Not that I condone fascism. Or - and "isms". "Isms", in my opinion - are not good. A person should not - believe in an "ism". He should - believe in himself. John Lennon - said it on his first solo album. - "I don't believe in Beatles, I - just believe in me." A good point - there. Afterall, he was the Walrus. - - He opens a linen closet and tosses the towel in it. - - FERRIS - I could be the Walrus and I'd still - have to bum rides off people. - - He passes CAMERA and goes into his room. - - FERRIS (OC) - I'm not very political? Let me - put that into perspective... - - 14 INT. BEDROOM 14 - - Ferris tosses the towel he's dried hair with on the bed. - - FERRIS - My uncle went to Canada to protest - the war, right? On the Fourth of - July he was down with my aunt and he - got drunk and told my Dad he felt - guilty he didn't fight in Viet Nam. - So I said, "What's the deal, Uncle - Jeff? In wartime you want to be a - pacifist and in peacetime you want - to be a soldier. It took you twenty - years to find out you don't believe - in anything?" - (snaps his fingers) - Grounded. Just like that. Two weeks. - (pause) - Be careful when you deal with old - hippies. They can be real touchy. - - He opens his door. - - 15 INT. CLOSET 15 - - The door opens and Ferris rifles through his shirts. - - FERRIS - My mother was a hippie. But she - lost it. She got old. If she listens - to the White Album now? She doesn't hear - music, she hears memories. Nostalgia is - her favorite drug. It'll probably be - mine, too. I hope not. - - He finds a shirt he likes. He steps back from the closet and - puts it on. He drops the towel. - - 16 INT. BEDROOM 16 - - He walks across the room to his dresser. He opens his - underwear drawer. There's an old model of a submarine on the - top of the dresser. He picks it up. - - FERRIS - In eighth grade a friend of mine - made a bong out of one of these. - The smoke tasted like glue. - - He pulls out a pair of underwear. He gets dressed as he - speaks. - - FERRIS - His name is Garth Volbeck. He's a - serious outsider. Not a bad guy, I - like him. I'm probably his only friend. - I do what I can for him. I mean, if - I was him, I'd appreciate it. Do unto others, - right? Anyway, his mother owns a gas station. - His father's dead and his sister's rumored - to be a prostitute, which is complete bullshit. - She only puts out so people will hang out - with her. It's sad but I don't hold it - against her. Better to hold it against the - guys who use her and don't care about her. - (pause) - My parents never allowed Garth over here. - It was because of his family. Mainly his - older brother. He's in jail. I could see them - not wanting his brother here because he is - a registered psycho. I wouldn't want him here. - I once watched the guy eat a whole bowl of - artificial fruit just so he could see what - it was like to have his stomach pumped. - But Garth isn't his brother. It isn't his fault - that his brother's screwed-up. Alot of fights - with the parents on that point. I always felt - for Garth. I was sleeping at his house once - and I was laying on the dark worrying that - his brother was going to come in and hack me - to death with an ax and I heard Garth crying. - I asked him what was wrong and he said, "Nothing". - ... Nothing was wrong. There was no - specific thing he was crying about. - In fact, he wasn't really even aware that - he was crying. He just cried himself to - sleep every night. It was a habit. The - guy's so conditioned to grief that if - he doesn't feel it, he can't sleep. How - could you possibly dump on guy who has to - deal with that kinda shit? My parents - acknowledge the trudge of the situation - and I'm sure that deep down, they do feel - for him but still the guy's banned from - our house. - - He looks at himself in the mirror on the back of his closet - door. He doesn't like what he's wearing. He continues his - speech as he disrobes. - - FERRIS - Unfortunately, now my parents have a - legit argument. Garth doesn't need his - brother to give him a rep anymore. He's - getting one on his own. He's lost. It's - over for him. He's eighteen. Gone from - school. Gone from life. His legacy is - a gas station. - - 17 INT. HOUSE. STAIRCASE 17 - - Ferris comes down the stairs. He's wearing a completely - different outfit. - - FERRIS - One very serious danger is playing - sick is that it's possible to believe - your own act. - - 18 INT. KITCHEN 18 - - Ferris comes into the kitchen and crosses to the - refrigerator. - - FERRIS - That and boredom. Alot of people - ditch and feel great for about an - hour. Then they realize there's - nothing to do. TV and food. I myself - have ditched and gotten so bored I - did homework. Figure that shit out. - - He takes a sip out of a bottle of orange juice. - - FERRIS - You have to plan things out before - you take the day off. Otherwise - you get all nervous worrying about - what to do and all you get is grief - and the whole point is to take it - easy, cut loose and enjoy. - - He crosses to the pantry. - - FERRIS - You blow your day and at about three - o'clock, when everybody's out of school, - you're going to wish you'd gone to - school so you could be out having - fun. - - He emerges from the pantry with a handful of Oreos. - - FERRIS - Avoid the misery. Plan your day. - Do it right. - - 19 INT. FAMILY ROOM 19 - - Ferris walks in and flops down in an armchair. - - FERRIS - There's alot of pressure at work - in my age group. And it's not always - recognized. - - He reaches over and picks up the telephone. He sets it in - his lap. - - FERRIS - Some guy whose hair is falling out - and his stomach's hanging over his - belt and everything he eats makes - him fart, he looks at someone like - me and thinks, "This kid's young and - strong and has a full, rich future ahead - of him, what's he got to bitch about?" - - 20 CU. PHONE 20 - - He punches out a number. - - 21 INT. FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS 21 - - He remote controls the TV on. - - FERRIS - That's just one reason why I need a - day off every now and then. - - 22 EXT. ANOTHER HOUSE 22 - - A sleek, modern house on a couple of deeply wooded acres. A - prime house in a prime location. A telephone rings OVER. - - 23 INT. BOY'S BEDROOM 23 - - It's a dark, dreary sick room. Shades drawn, floor strewn - with used tissues, nightstand a still-life of over the - counter remedies. A high school boy, CAMERON FRYE, is laying - in bed. We don't see his face, only a silhouette with a - thermometer sticking out his mouth. U2's SUNDAY BLOODY - SUNDAY is playing. He's mumbling random words. - - CAMERON - Food...shelter...no...yes... - - The phone rings. His hand reaches back and hits the speaker - phone button. - - CAMERON - (weak) - Hello? - - FERRIS' VOICE - Cameron! What's happening? - - CAMERON - Very little. - - FERRIS' VOICE - How do you feel? - - CAMERON - Shredded. - - FERRIS' VOICE - Is your mother in the room? - - Cameron takes the thermometer out of his mouth. - - CAMERON - She's not home. Where are you? - - FERRIS' VOICE - Home. - - 24 INT. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS 24 - - Ferris is sprawled out in the chair. - - FERRIS - I'm taking the day off. Get - dressed and come over. - - CAMERON'S VOICE - I can't. I'm sick. - - FERRIS - It's all in your head. Come on over. - - 25 INT. CAMERON'S ROOM 25 - - Cameron's insistant. - - CAMERON - I feel like complete shit, Ferris. - I can't go anywhere. - - FERRIS' VOICE - I'm sorry to hear that. Now, come - on over and pick me up. - - Ferris disconnects. Cameron slowly hangs up the phone. - - CAMERON - I'm dying. - - The phone rings again. Cameron hits the speaker button. - - FERRIS' VOICE - You're not dying. You just can't think - of anything good to do. - - 26 INT. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM 26 - - Ferris hangs up. - - FERRIS - If anybody needs a day off, it's - Cameron. He has alot of things to - sort out before he graduates. He - can't be wound this tight and go - to college. His roommate'll kill - him. I've come close myself. But I - like him. He's a little easier to - take when you know why he's like he - is. The boy cannot relax. Pardon - by French but Cameron is so tight - that if you stuck a lump of coal up - his ass, in two weeks you'd have a - diamond. - (after-thought) - And Cameron would worry that he'd - owe taxes on it. - - 27 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 27 - - We hear roll call as CAMERA MOVES ACROSS the tile floor. A - shoe's POV. - - TEACHER'S VOICE - Albers? - - BOY'S VOICE - Here. - - TEACHER'S VOICE - Anderson. - - GIRL'S VOICE - Here. - - CAMERA enters a classroom. It travels past a teacher's Hush - Puppies and heads up an aisle of desk past dirty yellow - Reebocks, rotting Air Jordans, scuffed heels, pristine - loafers... - - TEACHER'S VOICE - Anheiser? - - BOY'S VOICE - Here. - - TEACHER'S VOICE - Busch? - - GIRL'S VOICE - Here. - - TEACHER'S VOICE - Bueller? - - CAMERA reaches the last desk and rises slowly to reveal that - it's empty. - - TEACHER'S VOICE - Bueller? - - GIRL'S VOICE - He's sick. - (pause) - My best friend's sister's boyfriend's - brother's girlfriend heard from this - guy who knows this kid who's going - with a girl who saw Ferris pass-out - at 31 Flavors last night. I guess - it's pretty serious. - - TEACHER'S VOICE - (weary) - Thank you, Simone. - - GIRL'S VOICE - (cheery) - No problem whatsoever. - - TEACHER'S VOICE - Drucker? - - BOY'S VOICE - What? - - WOUND-OUT CAR ENGINES COME UP LOUD. - - 28 CU. TV 28 - - THE ROAD WARRIOR is playing on video cassette. The big chase - at the end. - - INT. FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS - - He's sitting in the arm chair pretending it's Humongous' war - wagon. He's wearing a hockey mash. He's steering. He reaches - down and grabs an imaginary nitrous oxide valve. - - CU. TV - - Humongous reaches down and grabs a real nitrous oxide valve. - He gives it a twist. - - CU. FERRIS - - He throws himself back against the chair. - - CU. TV - - The force of the rapid acceleration of his vehicle throws - Humongous back in his seat. - - CU. FERRIS - - He bounces himself in the chair to simulate the bumpy high - speed ride. - - CU. TV - - The was wagon hurtles down the road. - - CU. FERRIS - - He rears back in horror. - - CU. TV - - The war wagon is heading for a head-on collision with the - tanker truck. - - CU. FERRIS - - Arms outstretched, head thrown back, braced for collision. - - CU. TV - - IMPACT! - - MOZART COMES UP. - - 29 CU. FLOWERING TREE BRANCH 29 - - Outside a bedroom window. A flowering crabtree branch. - Petite pink flowers. WE PULL BACK FROM THE WINDOW INTO THE - ROOM. It's Jeanie's room. A pink and powder blue pig pen. - Clothes everywhere, make-up, books, records. Ferris is - sitting on her bed going through a purse. - - FERRIS - This is really degrading. - - He comes up with a crumpled dollar bill. - - FERRIS - Financing my activities this way. - Very damaging to the self-image. - But, hey, I'm broke. In times of - crisis one must to what one must - to. I'll pay it back. With interest. - - He comes up with a five. - - FERRIS - Regardless of how much shit sisters - make you eat, how often they rat on - you, how gross they act or how wicked - and insensitive they can be, you should - not alientate them. Because most likely - they have cash and it's usually very easy - to get your hands on. - - He holds up a twenty and snaps it. PINK FLOYD'S "MONEY" - COMES UP. - - 30 INT. LIVING ROOM 30 - - The song plays as Ferris digs through the sofa cushions. - - CU. SOFA - - Ferris extracts a sticky quarter from a crevice. - - 31 INT. PARENTS' BEDROOM 31 - - Ferris is going through his father's pants pockets. Another - crumpled bill surfaces. - - 32 CU. WASHING MACHINE TOP 32 - - A couple of stiff, hard, bleached singles that have gone - through the wash lay on top of the washer. A hand scoops - them up. - - 33 CU. LUCITE ENCASED PROOF SET 33 - - An obvious gift from a grandparent. A U.S. Mint proof set. A - ten, a five and a single enclosed in a lucite frame. A - screwdriver tip wedges between the two pieces of Lucite and - pops them apart. A hand peels the bills off the backing. - - 34 CU. KITCHEN DRAWER 34 - - Hands ripping through the kitchen junk drawer. Locating a - dollar bill. - - 35 CU. COIN COLLECTION 35 - - The familiar blue collector's album. One-by-one, the - quarters are being popped out of their slots. - - 36 CU. VACCUUM CLEANER 36 - - The dusty, dirty contents of the bag are emptied on the - floor. Fingers pick a dime out of a matted wad of filth. - - 37 CU. SNOOPY BANK 37 - - It's being shaken furiously. - - 38 CU. BIRTHDAY CARD 38 - - It's a child's card. It's slowly opened to reveal a crisp, - new five. - - 39 INT. HALL CLOSET 39 - - The door opens and Ferris thrusts his hands into the pockets - of the coats. He comes up with a ball of Kleenex. A roll of - Tums. A squirt gun. Then a modest wad of bills. His face - lights up as he counts out the cash. He closes the door. - - 40 CU. FLOOR AND BED 40 - - Ferris' face appears between the bed and the floor. His arm - reaches out for a small metal bank hidden under the bed. - - 41 CU. BANK 41 - - It's on a work bench. An awl is driven in between the door - and the jamb. It pries the door open. Inside are trading - cards, a charred doll's head, a Zippo lighter and, finally, - a five dollar bill. - - 42 INT. KITCHEN 42 - - Ferris is on his hands and knees under the kitchen table. - - 43 CU. TABLE LEG 43 - - Ferris lifts the leg and removes a quarter that's been used - to balance the table. - - 44 INT. KITCHEN 44 - - Ferris stands up and pockets the quarter. - - 45 CU. FERRIS' BED 45 - - A shower of coins and bills rain down on the sheets. The - SONG ENDS. - - 46 EXT. REAL ESTATE OFFICE. MORNING 46 - - A suburban realty company. A cute little building in town. - - 47 INT. OFFICE 47 - - Joyce is behind a desk. Across from her are two WOMEN. - They're also real estate agents. - - JOYCE - No one's going to consider a - house with a black living room. - Not even those jerks from Vermont. - Let's be realistic. - - AGENT 1 - Mrs. Volbeck's dead set against - putting any money into the house. - - Joyce's phone intercom buzzes. She take the call. - - JOYCE - Joyce Bueller. - - Her eyes open wide with alarm. - - JOYCE - Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I - completely forgot to call. - - 48 EXT. HIGH SCHOOL 48 - - A modern, suburban high school. - - MAN'S VOICE - Are you aware that your son is not - in school today? - - 49 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 49 - - It's a passing period. The hall is clogged with students. - - JOYCE'S VOICE - Yes, I am. Ferris is home sick. I - had a meeting first thing this - morning. I should have called. It - completely slipped my mind. - - 50 INT. SCHOOL. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE 50 - - A SECRETARY is at work at her desk. We hear the dean inside - the office. - - DEAN'S VOICE - Are you also aware that Ferris does not - have what we consider an exemplary - attendance record? - - 51 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. CU. DESK SIGN 51 - - It reads, EDWARD R. ROONEY. DEAD OF STUDENTS. The dean's - feet are up on the desk, behind the sign. Moderately priced - dress shoes. - - JOYCE'S VOICE - I don't understand. - - DEAN'S VOICE - I just had his file up. - - INT. OFFICE. CU. DEAN - - ED ROONEY is sitting behind his desk. He's tough, clean and - straight as an I-beam. Short, neatly combed hair, suit and - tie. He's toying with a pencil. He's confident to the point - of arrogance. - - ROONEY - I just has his file up, Mrs. Bueller. - - Behind him is a computer terminal. He removes his feet from - the desk and turns in his swivel chair. - - ROONEY - If Ferris thinks he coast this last - month and still graduate, he's sorely - mistaken. - - JOYCE'S VOICE - This is all news to me. - - CU. COMPUTER MONITOR - - The monitor on Rooney's desk displays Ferris' records. - - ROONEY'S VOICE - So far this semester alone, he's been - absent nine times. Including today. - - JOYCE'S VOICE - Nine times? - - Under DAYS MISSED we see a number 9 suddenly change to a - number 2. - - INT. OFFICE - - Rooney turns to the monitor. He reads off the screen. - - ROONEY - I have it right here in front of me. He's - missed... - - He looks closer at the screen. - - 52 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 52 - - Ferris is at his Macintosh computer. He has his record up - on the screen. - - FERRIS - I wanted a car. I got a computer. How's - that for being born under a bad sign? - - 53 INT. JOYCE'S OFFICE 53 - - She's still on the phone with Rooney. - - JOYCE - I can give you every assurance that - Ferris is home and that he is, in - fact, very ill. I debated whether - or not I should even leave him. - I can appreciate that at this time - of year children are prone to taking - the day off, but in Ferris' case, - he's truly a very sick boy. - - 54 INT. FERRIS' BEDROOM 54 - - MUSIC BLASTS. SOLO GUITAR. - - CU. SPEAKER - - The grille cloth is throbbing. - - CU. LED METERS - - The meters on the amplifier are totally in the danger zone. - - CU. TV MONITOR - - We see Ferris in his room with a guitar around his neck. - He's playing. - - CU. VIDEO CAMERA - - A home video camera is capturing Ferris on tape. - - 55 INT. CAMERON'S ROOM 55 - - He's sitting on the edge of the bed buttoning his shirt. He - sighs deeply and fall back on the bed. - - 56 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 56 - - Jeanie is at her locker during a passing period. A - GIRLFRIEND comes up to her. - - GIRL - I'm really sorry about your brother. - - JEANIE - What're you sorry for? I have to live - with the trouser snake. - - GIRL - No, I mean I heard he's really sick. - - JEANIE - Who said he's sick. - - GIRL - A whole bunch of people. They said - he's like on the verge of death. - - Jeanie stares incredulously at the girl. - - GIRL - This guy in my biology class said - that if Ferris dies he's giving - his eyes to Stevie Wonder? He's - really sweet isn't he? - - She smiles and exits. Jeanie cocks her head in bewilderment. - She kicks her locker shut. - - 57 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 57 - - He's in bed on the phone. - - FERRIS - A sample of my blood was sent - to Atlanta to the Center for - Disease Control. I don't know, - man, I'm bricking heavily. - (point to the - phone) - Freshman. - (to the phone) - Did you see Alien? When the guy - had the creature in his stomach? - It feels like that. - - 58 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 58 - - A FRESHMAN BOY is on the pay phone. A couple of his BUDDIES - are standing at his side waiting anxiously for news. - - BOY - Goddamn! Are you kidding? - - SECOND BOY - What? - - BOY - Did you see Alien? - - SECOND BOY - No. - - BOY - You never rented the video cassette? - - Second boy shakes his head, no. - - BOY - Oh. He's really wasted. - - THIRD BOY - (to the Second Boy) - Who's he talking to? - - SECOND BOY - Ferris Bueller. You know him? - - THIRD BOY - (excited) - Yeah. He's getting me out of summer - school. - - BOY - Anyway, I appreciate you letting us - know how you're doing. We gotta split. - (pause) - Huh?...Yeah, sure. Hold on. - - SECOND BOY - (to Third Boy) - Shit. I hope he doesn't die. - I can't handle summer school. - - The boy snatches a passing GIRL. - - BOY - Did you see Alien? - - GIRL - Yeah, why? - - He hands her the phone. - - GIRL - Hello? - (pause) - Who? - (pause) - Hi, Ferris. How's your bod? - (jaw drops) - Oh, my God! You're dying? - Is it serious? - (pause) - Shiit! Are you upset? - - 59 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 59 - - Rooney's comparing his computer monitor to hard copy. His - SECRETARY is standing over his shoulder. - - ROONEY - I don't trust this kid any further - than I can throw him! - - SECRETARY - With your bad knee, you better - not throw anybody, Ed. - - Rooney stares at her for a long beat. - - ROONEY - What's so dangerous about a character - like Ferris Bueller is that he gives - the good kids bad ideas. The last thing - I need at this point in my career is - fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples - running around these halls. - - SECRETARY - He's very popular, Ed. Sportos, motorheads, - geeks, sluts, pinheads, dweebies, wonkers, - richies, they all adore him. - - ROONEY - That's exactly why I have to catch him - this time. To show these kids that the - example he sets is a first class ticket - to nowhere. - - SECRETARY - (impressed) - Ooo. You sounded like Dirty Harry just - now. - - Rooney looks up at her with a proud smile. - - ROONEY - Really? - - He unconsciously does an Eastwood squint. - - 60 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 60 - - It's a glorious late spring day. A florist's truck drives - past the house. - - 61 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 61 - - He's on the telephone. As he speaks he does a little - MacPainting on his MacIntosh. A Modigliani nude. - - FERRIS - Cameron, if you're not over here - in fifteen minutes, you can find - a new best friend. I'm serious, man. - This is bullshit, making me wait - around the house for you. - - 62 INT. CAMERON'S BEDROOM 62 - - Cameron's back in bed. - - CAMERON - I'm sick. I feel like shit. Why can't - you leave me alone? - - FERRIS' VOICE - You're not up for some good times? - It's a beautiful day. It's almost - summer. If this was Hawaii, we'd be - surfing. - - 63 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 63 - - He's growing weary of Cameron's wimpishness. - - FERRIS - You want to stay home and try - to have the shits? Try to barf? - Try to feel worse? - - CAMERON'S VOICE - I don't have to try. - - FERRIS - Be a man. Take some Pepto Bismol - and get dressed. You're boring me - with this stuff. - - The other phone line rings. - - FERRIS - Squeeze you buns for a second. I - got another call. - - He puts Cameron on hold. He clears his throat and answers - the second line. He sounds like he's on his last breath. - - FERRIS - H--hell-o? - - 64 EXT. OFFICE BUILDING. DOWNTOWN 64 - - A LaSalle Street office tower. - - TOM'S VOICE - Ferris? - - 65 INT. TOM'S OFFICE 65 - - He's behind his desk. Nice office. Two windows. Herman - Miller desk and chair. - - TOM - You sound miserable. - - FERRIS' VOICE - Really? Darn! I thought I was improving. - - TOM - Were you sleeping? - - FERRIS' VOICE - I was trying to do some homework. - - 66 CU. COMPUTER MONITOR 66 - - A closer view of the rude drawing Ferris is making. - - FERRIS (OC) - I'm so worried about falling behind. - - INT. FERRIS' ROOM - - He leans back from the monitor and sips a Coke. - - FERRIS - Dad? Can you hold on a second? - - TOM'S VOICE - Sure, pal. Are you alright? - - FERRIS - Just a little phlegm on the phone. - Hold on. - - He puts his father on hold. - - FERRIS - Cameron? It's my Dad. - - CAMERON'S VOICE - Oh, that's just great. Are you busted? - - FERRIS - It's completely cool. He's just - checking up on me. Now, listen to - me. I'm working on getting some - heavy bucks out of him. So, the least you - can do is hurry up and get over here. - Bye. - - He disconnects and gets his father back. He switches back to - his sick voice. - - FERRIS - Sorry, Dad. The moment before you - called, I had a chest spasm and I - blew lung fluid all over the place. - It was making me ill looking at it. - But gee, it's sure great of you to call. - I'm sure there're alot of fathers - who wouldn't take time out from - their busy schedules to call a dumb, - sick teenager. - - TOM'S VOICE - Hey, pal, what was I supposed to do? - - Ferris reaches out and hits a key on his computer. The - screen dumps the drawing. - - FERRIS - Give yourself some credit, Dad. It - was a mammoth gesture. It's like those - savings bonds you used to give me - every Christmas. - (looks at CAMERA and smiles) - It was that kind of concern. - - CU. COMPUTER SCREEN - - A message is flashing: "TRANSMITTING DATA". - - INT. FERRIS' ROOM - - He turns away from the computer and puts his feet up on the - desk. He lights a cigarette. - - FERRIS - You had to work hard for the money - to buy those things, right? - - TOM'S VOICE - Not any harder than anybody else. - - Ferris mouths Tom's words as he says them. - - 67 EXT. CHICAGO LOOP. DIAMONDVISION SCREEN 67 - - Ferris' drawing suddenly appears on the billboard. - Pedestrians stop to look. - - 68 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 68 - - He blows a smoke ring. - - FERRIS - You work so hard I'll bet you don't - even remember where those bonds are, - right? - - Ferris points a finger in the air as a cue to his father. - - TOM'S VOICE - Wrong. - - He nods. - - FERRIS - Oh, yeah? You're pulling my leg. You're - just trying to cheer me up. - - TOM'S VOICE - Like hell I am. They're in a shoebox - in my closet. - - Ferris smiles. He looks at CAMERA. He's gotten exactly what - he wants. - - FERRIS - (to CAMERA, normal - voice) - Was that a class move or what? - The guy gave it up faster than - a drunk Catholic girl. I hope my - kids don't pull this shit on me. - (thinks) - Of course, if they didn't, they'd - be dumb and abnormal and they'd - probably never move out of my - house and I'd have to support them - until I die. I take it back. - (to the phone, - sick voice) - Dad? All this talking has made me - kind of light-headed. I think - I better lie down. - - TOM'S VOICE - Okay, pal. You take care. I'll - call you after lunch. - - FERRIS - You don't have to, Dad. - - TOM'S VOICE - I want to. Bye now. - - He hangs up. Ferris sighs. - - FERRIS - You win some, you lose some. - - He turns his desk chair around and gets up. - - FERRIS - I'm so disappointed in Cameron. - Twenty bucks says he's sitting - in his car debating about whether - or not he should go out. - - 69 INT. CAR. CAMERON 69 - - He's sitting behind the wheel of his car. - - CAMERON - We're gonna get caught. No doubt - about it. - - He cuts the engine. - - CAMERON - I'm not doing it. - - He sits for half a beat. - - CAMERON - He'll keep calling until I come - over. - - He sighs and restarts the engine. Another beat. - - CAMERON - Actually, what'll happen is I'll - get caught. Ferris'll escape. - - Another beat. He stops the engine. A CRASH OF HORROR MUSIC. - - 70 CU. DRESSER DRAWER 70 - - Hands curl around the drawer pulls. The drawer is opened - slowly, ominously. The hands lift a sweater out. A HERALDIC - STING as we see a men's magazine beneath the sweater. - - INT. FERRIS' ROOM - - He takes out the magazine. He leafs through the pages for - the pictorials as he speaks. - - FERRIS - Cameron'll go on like that for a - good thirty minutes. The guy - is a shellfish when it comes to - making a decision. The reason - he doesn't fell good is, he - worries about everything. He's - the only guy I know who's deeply - concerned that when he grows up - there'll be a critical shortage - of strategic metals. - - He exits the room. - - 71 INT. HALLWAY 71 - - Ferris comes out of his room and heads down the hallway. - - FERRIS - Cameron's also the only guy - I know who knows what strategic - metals are. - (waves the magazine) - Pardon moi. - - He goes into the bathroom. We HEAR THE TOILET SEAT SLAM - DOWN. - - FERRIS - (sings) - MAYBE I'M JUST LIKE MY MOTHER, - SHE'S NEVER SATISFIED... - - 72 INT. CLASSROOM. LATER 72 - - A stunningly beautiful girl, SLOANE PETERSON, is sitting at - her desk in a history class. She's staring out the window as - a tweedy MALE TEACHER delivers a dry, dusty lecture. - - TEACHER - Roosevelt's health had seriously - deteriorated by the time he met - with Churchill and Stalin at Yalta. - (sneezes) - Pardon me. - - The classroom door opens and the school NURSE walks in. For - a moment, the teacher thinks she's come in because she heard - him sneeze. She crosses to him and whispers in his ear. - - SLOANE - - She, like the others, watches the nurse curiously. - - INT. CLASSROOM. TEACHER AND NURSE - - The teacher's face drops as he's delivered an obvious piece - of disturbing news. He nods grimly to the Nurse. She looks - at the kids. - - NURSE - Sloane Peterson? - - SLOANE - - Sits up in her seat. - - NURSE - - She's a picture of compassion and understanding. - - NURSE - May I see you outside for a moment? - There's been an emergency. - - SLOANE - - A smile curls across her lips. As she gathers her books she - looks to the GIRL next to her. - - SLOANE - (whispers) - Dead grandmother. - - 73 INT. HALLWAY 73 - - The Nurse is gently holding Sloane's hand. - - NURSE - (nods solemnly) - Dead grandmother. - - 74 CU. ROONEY 74 - - He has a suspicious look on his face. - - ROONEY - Dead grandmother? - - INT. DEAN'S OFFICE - - Rooney's at his desk. His secretary is standing across from - him. - - SECRETARY - That's what Mr. Peterson said. I - had Florence Sparrow notify Sloane. - - ROONEY - Who's this girl's going with? - - SECRETARY - It's so hard to tell. I see her - alot with Ferris Bueller. - - Rooney smiles. His suspicions are confirmed. - - ROONEY - Could you get me Mr. Peterson's - daytime number? - - As the secretary starts out of the room, Rooney's phone - rings. She stops and answers the desk phone. - - SECRETARY - Edward Rooney's office. - (pause) - Yes. Can you hold? Thank you. - - She puts the call on hold. - - SECRETARY - It's Mr. Peterson. - - Rooney is startled. He thinks for a beat then reaches for - the phone. - - SECRETARY - Do you still want his number? - - Rooney answers her with an annoyed look. She smiles and - backs out. He punches the phone button. - - ROONEY - Ed Rooney. - - MAN'S VOICE - Ed? This is George Peterson. - - ROONEY - How are you today, sir? - - MAN'S VOICE - We've had a bit of bad luck this - morning as you may have heard. - - Rooney rolls his eyes. It's so obvious it's not Mr. - Peterson. - - ROONEY - I heard. And, gosh, I'm all broken - up. Huh? Oh, sure. I'd be happy to - release Sloane. You produce a corpse - and I'll release Sloane. I want to - see this dead grandmother firsthand. - - The secretary stops cold in the doorway. She turns to Rooney - in horror. He covers the phone. - - ROONEY - (whispers) - It's Ferris Bueller. Nervy litttle - punk. I'm gonna set a trap and let - his walk right into it! - (to phone) - That's right. Cart the stiff in and - I'll turn over your daughter. It's - school policy. Was this your mother? - - Rooney's other line rings. - - 75 INT. SECRETARY'S OFFICE 75 - - She steps out of Rooney's office and picks up the other - line. - - SECRETARY - Ed Rooney's office. - - Her jaw drops. - - SECRETARY - Hold, please. - - She puts the call on hold and hangs up. She hurried into - Rooney's office. - - 76 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 76 - - Rooney's chewing out the person on the other line. - - ROONEY - I'll tell you want, you don't - like my policies, you can just - come on down and smooch by big - old ugly ass. You hear me? - - The secretary comes in. She's waving her arms furiously. - Rooney tries to wave her away. He's angry. She stomps her - foot. Rooney covers the phone. - - ROONEY - What!? - - SECRETARY - Ferris Bueller's on line two. - - CU. ROONEY'S FOOT - - It freezes in mid-tap. - - CU. ROONEY'S HAND - - The pencils falls from his fingers. - - CU. ROONEY'S FACE - - A mask of horror. He glances at the phone. - - CU. PHONE - - The second line light is flashing. - - CU. ROONEY - - He blinks, cocks his head, twitches. - - 77 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 77 - - He's zipping his pants, fastening his belt. The phone's - cradled against his shoulder. He speaks in the same voice he - used on his father. - - FERRIS - Mr. Rooney? I'm sorry to disturb - you at work but I was wondering if - it would be possible for my sister - to bring home any assignments from - my classes that I may need. - - 78 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. ROONEY 78 - - He's staring blankly ahead. - - FERRIS' VOICE - Thank you, sir. - - He nods. - - CU. PHONE - - Rooney's finger gingerly presses the button on the waiting - call. - - CU. ROONEY - - He winces as he returns to the first call. - - 79 INT. FERRIS' HOUSE. KITCHEN 79 - - Cameron's on the phone in the kitchen. He's doing a deep, - phoney "father" voice. - - CAMERON - You oughta be sorry for Christ's - sake! A family member dies and - you insult me. What's the matter - with you, anyway? - - 80 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. ROONEY 80 - - He apologies profusely to Cameron. He's perspiring, - trembling. - - ROONEY - I don't know. I thought you were - someone else. You have to know, - sir, that I would never deliberately - insult you. I can't begin to tell - you how embarrassed I am. - - CAMERON'S VOICE - Pardon my French but you're an asshole! - - Rooney nods enthusiastically. - - ROONEY - Absolutely! I most certainly am. - - 81 INT. KITCHEN 81 - - Cameron lays into Rooney. - - CAMERON - This isn't over yet, buster. You - just make sure my daughter's out - in front of the school in ten - minutes. Do you read me? - - ROONEY'S VOICE - Load and clear, Mr. Peterson. - - CAMERON - Call me sir, goddamn it! - - ROONEY'S VOICE - Sir. - - CAMERON - That's better. - - Ferris strolls into the kitchen to catch the last of the - conversation. Cameron covers the phone. - - CAMERON - (to Ferris) - I'm scared shitless, Ferris! What - is Rooney guesses my voice! - - FERRIS - Impossible. You're doing great. - - Cameron sighs and goes back to the phone. - - CAMERON - (clears his throat) - I don't have all day to bark at you - so I'll make this short and sweet. - - Ferris gives Cameron an enthusiastic thumbs up. - - FERRIS - (mouths) - Great! - - Cameron smiles proudly. - - CAMERON - I want my daughter out in front - of the school in ten minutes. By - herself. I don's want anyone around... - - Ferris smacks Cameron. He's said the wrong thing. He covers - the phone. - - CAMERON - What'd I do? - - FERRIS - Out in front my herself? It's too - suspicious! He'll think something's - up, moron. Cover it. - - Cameron panics. He holds the phone out to Ferris. - - CAMERON - You do it! - - Ferris waves his arms angrily. - - FERRIS - Talk! - - Cameron takes a deep breath. He clears his throat and puts - on his father's voice. - - CAMERON - I changed my mind, fella. You be out - in front with her! I wanna have a - few words with you! - - Ferris slaps Cameron. The phone flies out of his hand. - - 82 CU. ROONEY 82 - - He winces as the phone hits the floor with a loud CLONK! - We HEAR THE BOYS SCRAMBLING TO PICK UP THE PHONE, THEN - CAMERON CLEARING HIS THROAT. - - CAMERON'S VOICE - On second thought, I don't have - time to talk to you. We'll get - together soon and have lunch. - - We HEAR A SLAP AND THE CALL DISCONNECTS. - - 83 INT. FERRIS' KITCHEN 83 - - Cameron's rubbing the side of his head. - - CAMERON - Why'd you hit me?! - - FERRIS - Where's your brain?! - - CAMERON - Why'd you hit me?! - - FERRIS - Where's your brain?! - - CAMERON - Why'd you hit me? - - FERRIS - Where's your brain? - - CAMERON - I asked you first. - - FERRIS - How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney's - going to be there with her?! - - CAMERON - I said for her to be there alone - and you freaked! - - FERRIS - My, God, you're so stupid! - (aside) - I didn't hit you, I lightly slapped - you. - - CAMERON - You hit me. Look, don't ask me to - participate in your crap if you - don't like the way I do it! - - Ferris is incredulous at Cameron's stupidity. Cameron's - anger is intensified by his embarrassment. - - CAMERON - I was home, sick. You get me out of - bed, being me over here, make me - jeopardize my future, make me do - a phoney phone call on a dean of - students, a man who could squeeze - my nuts into oblivion and then - you deliberately hurt my feelings. - - FERRIS - I didn't deliberately hurt your feelings. - - CAMERON - Oh, really? - - FERRIS - Yeah, really. - - Cameron glares at Ferris. - - CAMERON - Hey, Ferris? Have a nice life. - - He turns and heads out of the room. Ferris sighs. - FERRIS - Cameron? - - CAMERON - Stick it up your ass, Ferris. - - FERRIS - Cameron, I'm sorry. I didn't mean - to jam you. It was uncalled for. - - Cameron stops. - - CAMERON - You're serious? - - He turns around. - - FERRIS - Dead serious. - - Cameron smiles. He appreciates Ferris apology. - - CAMERON - Thanks. - - FERRIS - You did screw up through, right? - Not that is was necessarily all - you fault. Right? - - CAMERON - (suspiciously) - Why? - - FERRIS - To fix this situation, I'm going - to have to ask you for a small favor. - - Cameron's jaw drops. - - 84 INT. GARAGE 84 - - The door opens slowly, dramatically as we hear a heraldic - fanfare. Light streams in to reveal Cameron and Ferris - looking at the car. Ferris is smiling with excitement and - awe. Cameron is frowning with trepidation and fear. - - CU. FERRARI STALLION - - The prancing black stallion. We move up from the stallion to - the erotic red hood of a 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. - - CAMERON AND FERRIS - - Cameron's face is ashen. The end of the world is at hand. - Ferris is in heaven. - - CAMERON - (grim monotone) - 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. Less - than a hundred were made. It has a - market value of $265,000. My father - spent three years restoring it. It - is joy, it is his love, it is his - passion. - - FERRIS - It is his fault he didn't lock the - garage. - - CAMERON - Ferris, my father loves this car more - than life itself. We can't take is out. - - FERRIS - A man with priorities so far out of - whack doesn't deserve such a fine - automobile. - - CAMERON - He never drives it, Ferris. He just - rubs it with a diaper. - - FERRIS - We can't pick up Sloane in your car, - Cameron. Rooney'd never believe Mr. - Peterson drives that piece of shit. - - CAMERON - It's not a piece of shit. - - FERRIS - It's a piece of shit. Don't worry - about it. I don't even have a piece - of shit. I have to envy yours. Look, - I'm sorry but there's nothing else - we can do. - - CAMERON - He knows the mileage, Ferris. He has - it tatooed on his wrist. - - FERRIS - He doesn't trust you? - - CAMERON - No. - - FERRIS - Alright, look, this is real simple. - He puts his arm around Cameron. - - FERRIS - Whatever miles we put on it, we'll - take off. - - CAMERON - (suspicious) - How? - - FERRIS - (big, proud smile) - We'll drive home backwards. - - Cameron shakes his head, no. - - CAMERON - Forget it. I'm putting my foot down, - Ferris. You'll have to think of - something else... - - CU. FERRARI GRILLE - - Cameron's protests are drowned out by the distinctive roar - of the twelve cylinders. - - CAMERON'S VOICE - ...You're not talking me into this - one. I have to live with the man. - I'm sorry but... - - The roar of the engine is overtaken by the sound of a - crowded school hallway. - - 85 INT. SCHOOL. JEANIE 85 - - She comes out of a classroom. She stops as Sloane and Rooney - walk past. Sloane has her coat on and she's carrying her - books. Jeanie watches her suspiciously. - - 86 EXT. SCHOOL 86 - - The Ferrari is parked out in front. The top is down. - - 87 INT. FERRARI 87 - - Ferris is driving. He's wearing a man's hat and sunglasses. - Cameron's in the back. - - CAMERON - Are you crazy?! Put the top back - up! - - FERRIS - This is perfect top-down weather. - CAMERON - What about Rooney? - - FERRIS - Cameron, the more obvious we are, - the less likely we are to get - caught. - - CAMERON - That makes no sense whatsoever. - - FERRIS - The adult mind is a suspicious - machine. - (look around at Cameron) - Stay down, man. - - Cameron squeezes himself lower. - - CAMERON - Howcome it's my Dad's car and - I'm taking all the risk and I have - to ride back here? - - FERRIS - I don't have an explanation. - - 88 EXT. SCHOOL 88 - - Rooney and Sloane come out the door. - - ROONEY - Once again let me say how deeply - saddened I am by your loss. - - SLOANE - Huh? - - ROONEY - Were you close to your grandmother? - - SLOANE - Oh. Um. Yeah. Very. She was a terrific - lady. Very hip. Very old. Yeah. - - DEEP VOICE - Oh, Sloane! Dear! - - Sloane looks across at the Ferrari. Rooney looks. - - THEIR POV - - Ferris is looking out across the roof of the Ferrari. He's - careful to keep his nose and mouth below the roofline. - - FERRIS - Hurry along now! - - EXT. SCHOOL - - Rooney's suspicious. Sloane smiles and bids Rooney a hasty - farewell. - - SLOANE - I guess that's my Dad. Thanks. - See ya. - - She hurries to the car. Rooney watches her. Something does - compute for him. - - 89 INT. SCHOOL. JEANIE 89 - - She's watching out the door. She sees the Ferrari pull away. - - 90 EXT. SCHOOL. ROONEY 90 - - He can't quite put his finger on what's bothering him. - - 91 INT. FERRARI 91 - - Sloane shrieks with delight. She leans across the console - and gives Ferris a kiss. - - SLOANE - This is so great! I can't believe - it! Right in front of Rooney! - - She laughs and turns to Cameron. - - SLOANE - Hi, Cameron. You comfortable? - - CAMERON - Hi. No. - - SLOANE - What a fabulous car! - - CAMERON - Enjoy it quick. It' s going home. - - FERRIS - It was risky, it was bold but - it was totally necessary. - - SLOANE - What're we gonna do? - - FERRIS - The question isn't "what are we - gonna do", the question is "what - aren't we going to do." - - CAMERON - Don't tell me we're not going to - take the car home. Please. - - FERRIS - (to CAMERA) - If you had access to a car like this - would you take it back right away? - Would you give up feeling like a - ton just to ease your best friend's - tension? - - He smiles. - - FERRIS - Either would I. - - 92 EXT. STREET. FERRARI 92 - - It accelerates away like a shot. - - 93 EXT. SUBURBAN BANK 93 - - A fresh, modern bank building. The clock outside read 9:53. - The Ferrari pulls into the parking lot. - - 94 INT. BANK. DOORS 94 - - Ferris, Cameron and Sloane walk in. Ferris is cocky and - confident. Sloane's still intoxicated with her freedom. - Cameron's having stomach trouble. Ferris leads the way to an - open teller window. - - INT. BANK. TELLER - - A WOMAN about seventy with a silver blue beehive. It's about - four inches higher the highest beehive you're ever seen. As - she moves the beehive hits a small sign over her head. She's - been at the bank since they opened. She smiles when she sees - Ferris. - - TELLER - Ferris Bueller? - - FERRIS - - He's at the window. On either shoulder are Cameron and - Sloane. Ferris smiles. Cameron blanches. - - FERRIS - Hello, Mrs. Froeling. How are you? - - TELLER - - She pats the rock-solid mass of blue hair. In doing so she - locates a missing ball point pen. She withdraws it from the - hair and smiles at it's reappearance. - - TELLER - I passed a kidney stone Tuesday, so - I'm a little pooped but other than - that, I'm as chipper as can be. - (something occurs to her) - Say, should you be in school? - - FERRIS - - He lays his savings bonds on the counter. - - FERRIS - Me? - (polite laugh) - I'm out of school, Mrs. Froeling. - In fact. I'm married. This is my - wife...Madonna. - - Sloane suppresses a laugh. - - FERRIS - (to Cameron) - And this is my brother-in-law, - ZZ Top. ZZ, this is Mrs. Froeling. - - Cameron isn't amused. - - TELLER - (to Cameron) - Is Top a Slavic name? - - CAMERON - Yeah. - - FERRIS - I'd like to cash these in, please. - We're having a baby and we need the - cash for a crib, clothes, diapers, - food pellets, leash, water dish... - - INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW - - Mrs. Froeling takes the bonds with a hearty smile. The - latter part of the conversation sails over her like a line - drive. - - TELLER - A baby! - (to Sloane) - You must be so excited. - - Cameron groans and turns away from the sham. - - SLOANE - I'm thrilled, ma'am. I'm especially - looking forward to wearing those - jeans with the stretch panel in - front. - - Mrs. Froeling thumbs through the bonds. - - TELLER - Are you hoping for a boy or - a girl? - - SLOANE - Actually, we're hoping for a car. - - CU. CAMERON - - He's spooked by the games playing. He scans the bank - nervously. He blinks, focuses, blinks again. - - HIS POV - - Joyce is with a MIDDLE-AGED COUPLE and their bored, - sour-puss teenage son, BOYD. He's sitting in a chair with - his legs slung over the sides waving a Bic lighter back and - forth across his rump. The parents are Joyce's clients from - Vermont. A LOAN OFFICER is discussing the local financing - situation with them. His is an open office adjacent to the - teller windows. Joyce's back is to the tellers. - - CU. CAMERON - - It's like he's just witnesses an ax murder. - - CAMERON - Shit... - - INT. BANK. JOYCE - - Her back is to the teller windows. She's conducting her - meeting. Behind her we see Cameron grab Ferris and point her - out to him. He waves. Cameron slaps his arm. - - INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW - - Mrs. Froeling shows Ferris the savings bonds. - - TELLER - These bonds aren't mature. If you hold - onto them another two years you'll get - an additional four dollars... - - FERRIS - I'm aware of that. - - TELLER - You're throwing away four dollars. - - FERRIS - No, ma'am, I'm giving it to the - government. They need it. Do you - know what an aircraft carrier's - going for these days? - - INT. BANK. JOYCE - - She concludes her meeting. She shakes hands with the loan - officer and stands. The Vermont Couple stands. Boyd scrapes - the bottom of his shoe on the desk, leaving a glob of mud - behind and he stands. Joyce turns into the bank. Ferris, - Cameron and Sloane are gone. She escorts her customers out. - - INT. BANK. DOOR - - Joyce and the Vermont Couple approach the doors. Boyd lays a - luggie in the drinking fountain. Mrs. Froeling passes with - the savings bonds. She stops when she sees Joyce. - - JOYCE - Mrs. Froeling, how are you? - - MRS. FROELING - I passed a kidney stone Tuesday. - (shifts gears, to Joyce) - Say, you must be very proud. - - Joyce doesn't know what she's talking about. - - MRS. FROELING - (whispers) - I met Madonna. - - She pats Joyce on the arm. - - MRS. FROELING - She told me everything. Keep me posted, - I'll want to send a gift. - - She toodles on her way. Joyce and the Vermont Couple are - completely baffled. - - 95 EXT. BANK 95 - - Joyce and the Vermont Couple walk along the side of the - bank, heading for the parking lot. Boyd's tagging along - behind. He picks up a stone and hurls it into the parking - lot. - - JOYCE - My son's home sick today. If - you wouldn't mind, on our way - back to the office, I'd like - to just run in and check up on him. - - We HEAR A METALLIC PING! as Boyd's missle hits a car. - - MOTHER - Of course. - - They pass a show window. As they pass, we hold on the - window. It's promoting saving for college educations. A - mannequin father is congratulating his mannequin son in a - mortar and gown as a stiff Sloane, Ferris and Cameron look - on proudly. - - 96 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 96 - - His secretary is dialing a number for him. - - SECRETARY - This is the Peterson's home. - - She hands the phone to Rooney. - - SECRETARY - Watch your mouth this time. - - Rooney glares at her. - - ROONEY - Ferris Bueller's behind this. There's - no doubt in my mind. That's what I was - saying this morning. Why he has to be stopped. - He's got Sloane Peterson involved in this - thing now. See? - - The secretary nods. - - SECRETARY - And her grandmother, too. - - 97 CU. PHONE ANSWER MACHINE 97 - - It clicks on. We hear a grieved woman's voice. It sounds an - awful lot like Sloane. - - SLOANE - We can't come to the phone right now. - We've had a death in the family. If - you need to reach us we'll be at - the following number... - - 98 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 98 - - Rooney quickly takes down a number. - - 99 EXT. CAMERON'S HOUSE 99 - - His answering machine clicks on. We hear Cameron's voice. - - CAMERON'S VOICE - You have reached the Coughlin Bros. - Mortuary. We are unable to come to - the phone right now but if you'll leave - your name and number... - -100 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 100 - - Rooney hangs up the phone. - - ROONEY - Something's going on, goddamn it. - - The secretary's looking at a newspaper on Rooney's desk. - She's not listening to him. - - SECRETARY - There's a railroad strike. - - ROONEY - And I'm going to stop it! - - SECRETARY - My brother-in-law'll appreciate it. - - Rooney looks at her, puzzled. - - ROONEY - What? - - SECRETARY - My brother-in-law rides the train - to work. - - Rooney stares at her like she's crazy. - - ROONEY - Who gives a good goddamn? - -101 EXT. EDENS EXPRESSWAY 101 - - The major thoroughfare into the city of Chicago from the - suburbs. The Ferrari streaks past. In the distance we see - the Sears Tower, the Hancock Building and the Standard Oil - Building. - -102 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 102 - - Jeanie's walking down the hall. She's stopped by a KID with - a Coke can. - - KID - Yo. We're collecting money to - buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney. - - Jeanie stares at him. She's flabbergasted at the proportions - her brother's scan has reached. - - KID - They run about fifty g's so it - you could help out... - - JEANIE - Go piss up a flagpole! - - KID - Huh? - - She knocks the can out of his hands and storms down the hall. - The kid yells after her. - - KID - Hey, babe! Some day you might - need a favor from Ferris Bueller! - Then where'll you be?! - - He reaches for the can. - - KID - Heartless wench... - -103 EXT. CHICAGO LOOP. PARKING GARAGE 103 - - The Ferrari pulls into a large parking garage. - - EXT. GARAGE - - Ferris, Sloane and Cameron get out. Cameron's having fits. - - CAMERON - We can't leave the car here! - - FERRIS - Why not? - CAMERON - Because we can't! I want it back - home where it belongs! - - SLOANE - What could happen to it? - - CAMERON - It could get stolen, wrecked, scratched, - you name it. - - FERRIS - I'll give the guy a five to watch it. - - CAMERON - What guy? - - CU. PARKING ATTENDANT - - He smiles with relish at the car. 6'6", 240. An IQ that - equals his hourly wage. Shoulder-length hair stuffed into a - hairnet Gold teeth. Earring. Goatee. - - EXT. PARKING LOT - - The Attendant swaggers over to the car. Ferris slips him a - give. - - FERRIS - You speak English? - - ATTENDANT - Since I was three. - - FERRIS - Great. I want to you take extra special - care of this vehicle, okay? - - He pats the Attendant on the arm. He smiles. - - ATTENDANT - Like it's a beautiful woman. - - FERRIS - I appreciate it. - - The Attendant very gingerly gets into the car. Ferris turns - to Cameron. The Ferrari pulls into the lot very slowly, very - carefully. No squealing tires, no revving engine. - - FERRIS - See what a finski can do to - a person's attitude? He's going - to treat it like a beautiful - woman. - - CAMERON - Yeah, sure. Whip it with a stick - and piss on the hood. - - SLOANE - Oh, please, Cameron. Do you have to - be so graphic? - - She heads down the street. - - SLOANE - This is so right! - - Ferris nudges Cameron on. They exit the garage and head - after Sloane. A long beat and the Ferrari creeps down the - exit ramp of the garage. It's gone in the entrance and out - the exit. Another attendant jumps in the passenger side. - He's skinny, tall, with a huge knit hat willed with dreads. - He lets out a spirited laugh and the Ferrari peels out of - the lot. It heads down the street away from Sloane, Ferris - and Cameron. - -104 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 104 - - Joyce's care pulls in the driveway. She gets out and heads up - the house. - -105 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 105 - - It's dark. There's a figure in the bed. We hear soft - snoring. A wire runs from under the bed covers to the closet - door to the door to the room itself. - - INT. ROOM. DOOR KNOB - - The wire is tied to the doorknob. It's taut. Downstairs, we - hear a door open and close. - -106 INT. HOUSE. STAIRWAY 106 - - Joyce quietly walks up the stairs. - -107 INT. HOUSE. HALLWAY 107 - - Joyce comes up the stairs and crosses to Ferris' room. She - listens at the door. WE HEAR THE SNORING. - - CU. DOORKNOB - - Joyce slowly turns the doorknob and pushes the door open a - crack. - - HER POV - - The door opens and the figure-like lump in the bed moves. - - CU. JOYCE - - She smiles and closes the door. - -108 INT. ROOM. CLOSET 108 - - The closet door is open. The wire from the bedroom door is - strung over the top of the closet door. A trophy is attached - to the end of the wire and it's resting on a yard stick. As - the bedroom door closes, the trophy lifts up off the - yardstick and the lump in the bed goes back down to it's - original position. - - CU. FERRIS' SYNTHESIZER - - Little LED's are lighting up to the rhythm of the snoring. - The snoring it simulated. - -109 INT. HALLWAY 109 - - Joyce listens at the door another beat. She's smiles with - relief and affection. - -110 EXT. SEARS TOWER. LATER 110 - - HELICOPTER SHOT moves in on the world's tallest building. As - it passes we see three figures pressed against the windows. - - FERRIS (VO) - This is the world's tallest building. - From our vantage point here on the - 103 floor, we are provided with a - view of four states. - - CAMERON (VO) - Do you think the car's alright? - - FERRIS (VO) - Illinois, Michigan, Wisconsin and - my personal favorite, Indiana. - -111 INT. SEARS TOWER OBSERVATION DECK 111 - - Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are standing against the window. - - CAMERON - I don't feel good, Ferris. Are - we gonna stay long? - - FERRIS - Take a step back... - - Ferris steps back. Sloane and Cameron follow suit. - - FERRIS - Now, lean against the glass. Like - this... - - He leans forward, putting all his weight on his forehead. - - FERRIS - And look down. - - Sloane leans forward. Cameron follows, reluctantly. - - SLOANE - Oh, shit! - - HER POV - - The street far, far below. A dizzying view. - - INT. OBSERVATION DECK - - The three are leaning against the glass. - - SLOANE - What if the glass gives? - - FERRIS - Death. - - SLOANE - Cool. - - CU. CAMERON - - He's looking down. - - CAMERON - I think I see my Dad. - -112 EXT. STREET LEVEL 112 - - A middle-aged man, Cameron's father, HORACE FRYE, is - standing on the street corner. He's lean, clean, tough and - humorless. He's wearing a puzzled look on his face. - - CAMERON'S FATHER - I think I see my car. - - HIS POV - - The Ferrari screams down the avenue and disappears down the - underground ramp. - -113 INT. SEARS TOWER LOBBY 113 - - Ferris and Sloane bound down the escalator. Cameron follows - glumly. They dance past the giant Calder mobile. They're - singing. - - FERRIS AND SLOANE - I BEEN ALL 'ROUND THIS GREAT BIG WORLD - AND I'VE SEEN ALL KINDS OF GIRLS - YEAH, BUT I COULDN'T WAIT TO GET - BACK IN THE STATES - BACK TO THE CUTEST GIRLS IN THE WORLD - I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA - I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA - -114 EXT. STREET 114 - - Ferris and Sloane burst out the doors garnering the annoyed - stares of the business people busily going in and out of the - building. Cameron politely waits his turn to exit. Ferris - and Sloane head down the street. Cameron follows. - - FERRIS AND SLOANE - I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA GIRLS! - -115 EXT. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE 115 - - Giant old monolith. - -116 INT. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. TRADING ROOM 116 - - Traders are frantically buying and selling commodities. - -117 INT. GALLERY 117 - - Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the gallery - watching the proceedings. - - SLOANE - Do you love me? - - FERRIS - Do you love me? - - SLOANE - I asked you first. - - FERRIS - Yes. You? - - SLOANE - Yes. - - FERRIS - Would I trash a day of education to - be with you if I didn't love you? - - SLOANE - Yes. - - FERRIS - Would I risk damaging a deep and - wonderfully enriching relationship - with my parents if I didn't love you? - - SLOANE - Yes. - - FERRIS - Would I have introduced you as my wife - if I didn't love you? - - SLOANE - Wait a minute. That was a lie. - - FERRIS - True. - - Ferris puts his arm around Sloane. - - FERRIS - Would you want to get married? I - mean if I wasn't an asshole. - - SLOANE - Sure. - - FERRIS - (serious) - Today? - - Sloane stares at him. Is he serious. - - FERRIS - I'm game. - - SLOANE - No way! - - FERRIS - I'll do it, if you will. - - Cameron suddenly adds his two cents. - - CAMERON - You need a blood test. - - Ferris looks around at him. - - FERRIS - Huh? - - CAMERON - If your blood's not compatible, - you could produce a pinhead. The - state requires a blood test. - - FERRIS - So? - - CAMERON - So, you can't get married today. - - FERRIS - Tomorrow? - - CAMERON - If you get a blood test today. - - SLOANE - I'm not getting married. - - CAMERON - I'm with you, babe. - - FERRIS - Why not? - - SLOANE - What do you mean, why not? Think - about it. - - FERRIS - Besides being too young and your - father hating my guts and not - having any place to live and feeling - awkward about being the only cheer- - leader with a husband, give me a - good reason why not. - - CAMERON - I'll give you two. My mother and - father. - - Ferris and Sloane look at him curiously. - - CAMERON - They're married and they hate each other. - (to Ferris) - You've seen them. Am I right? - - FERRIS - You're father's a toad and your - Mom's always wired out, but so what? - They're old. That's natural. - - CAMERON - It makes me puke. Seeing people - treat each other like that. It's - like the car. He loves the car. - He hates his wife. - - SLOANE - My parents are divorced. So what? - It's not like it doesn't happen - ten thousand times a day. - - CAMERON - Just because it happens doesn't - make it right. Are you comfortable - with it? - - SLOANE - No. It's not something I can get comfortable - with. I've tried. Are yours divorced? - - CAMERON - They may as well be. - - SLOANE - Do you think they're staying together - because of you? - - Cameron hasn't seen it that way. He shrugs. - - SLOANE - Do they like you? - - It hasn't occured to Cameron that his parents might not like - him. That parental love might not be a given. - - CAMERON - Yeah. Sure. - - SLOANE - Consider this...my father canned me - and my brother and my Mom for a - twenty five year old dipso with fake - tits. He dropped us like a rock. Everything - was cool at our house. I thought so. - We all thought so. Then BLAM! It's over. - - FERRIS - (to CAMERA) - This is all news to me. She keeps a - pretty good secret. - - SLOANE - (to Cameron) - It was pure selfishness. When I have - a kid, I don't care how much I want - something, if it's gonna screw-up the - kid, forget it. - - FERRIS - (to CAMERA) - She's not lying. - - CAMERON - You could change. - - SLOANE - Yeah. But I'm gonna try not to. - I'm gonna think about it. I'm - gonna try to prevent it. - - FERRIS - This is optomism. It's a common - trait with my age group. Adults - think it's cute, it's like a charming - quick that infests youth. But it's - a cool thing and I think, deep down, - crusty old shits wish they had some. - They wish they had her, too. - (points to Sloane) - Sorry. She's taken. - - CAMERON - I'd rather not have my family break - apart, thank you. - - SLOANE - Well, you know what? It ain't up - to you. It's out of your hands. - - CAMERON - So, I in other words, I should just - sit back and watch it crumble? - - SLOANE - You're merely an inhabitant in their - universe. - - FERRIS - Frightening choice of words. - - SLOANE - They call the shots. When you split - from them, you call the shots. - - CAMERON - So, you're saying I should run away? - - FERRIS - No. She's saying it's time for lunch. - - SLOANE - What? - - FERRIS - Let's go feed Cameron. - - They stand up and head out. Ferris hangs back a moment. He - cups his hands to his mouth. He yells at the top of his - voice. - - FERRIS - BUY! - - And he exits. Cool and casual. - -118 INT. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. TRADING FLOOR 118 - - It explodes with activity in response to Ferris' shout. - We HEAR A RADIO ANNOUNCER. - - ANNOUNCER - Commodity prices rose sharply today - in unusually heavy trading... - -119 EXT. RESTAURANT 119 - - A French restaurant on the Gold Coast. It's noon. - -120 INT. RESTAURANT 120 - - Ferris, Sloane and Cameron are standing in the restaurant. - Ferris is looking at the maitre 'd's reservations book. - - HIS POV - - His fingers runs down to a party of three for 12:00. - - INT. RESTAURANT - - The maitre'd returns. - - MAITRE'D - (to Ferris) - May I help you? - - FERRIS - Yes. I'm Abe Frohman. Party of - three for 12:00. - - The maitre'd looks at Ferris curiously. - - FERRIS - Is there a problem? - - MAITRE'D - You're Abe Frohman? - - FERRIS - I'm Abe Frohman. - - MAITRE'D - (chuckles) - I'm sorry, son. I'm very busy right - now. If you have trouble finding the - door... - - Sloane tugs Ferris' sleeve. He ignores her. - - FERRIS - Are you suggesting that I'm not - who I say I am? - - MAITRE'D - Shall I call the police? - - CAMERON - Let's go...Abe. - - FERRIS - I'm not going anywhere. - (to the Maitre'd) - Call the police. Go ahead. Better - yet... - (grabs the phone) - ...I'll call myself. - - Cameron chokes. Sloane grits her teeth. The maitre'd smiles - smuggly. - - CU. PHONE - - Ferris punches out a number. A beat and the restaurant's - second line lights up and the phone rings. - - INT. RESTAURANT - - The maitre'd motions for the phone so that he can answer the - call. Ferris waves him off angrily. - - FERRIS - You touch me and I yell "rat!" - There's another phone around here. - Find it. - - The maitre'd backs off. - - CAMERON - Ferris, let's split, please? - - SLOANE - Cameron's right. We're gonna - get busted. - - FERRIS - Not a chance in the world. - - He hands the phone to Sloane. - - FERRIS - Ask for Abe Frohman. - - INT. RESTAURANT. LATER - - Ferris, Sloane and Cameron are seated in the restaurant. The - maitre'd is hovering over Ferris. - - MAITRE'D - I appreciate your understanding. - - FERRIS - Don't grovel, Charles. Just leave - us to our repast and all will be - forgotten. - - MAITRE'D - Enjoy your luncheon. - - FERRIS - Thank you. - - The maitre'd backs away. Ferris smiles. Sloane is impressed. - Cameron is flushed with nerves. - - FERRIS - Darling, you were wonderful. - - SLOANE - Oh, but I had a wonderful teacher. - - FERRIS - Cameron, dear friend? - - Cameron looks to Ferris. - - FERRIS - And you thought we wouldn't have - any fun. Shame on you. - - Ferris disappears behind his menu. - -121 EXT. SCHOOL 121 - - We HEAR HALLWAY SOUNDS AND JEANIE. - - JEANIE (VO) - Ferris Bueller's days are numbered. - -122 INT. GIRL'S LOCKER ROOM 122 - - Jeanie's sitting on a bench in a field hockey uniform. She's - talking to a FRIEND. - - JEANIE - (mean, vicious) - I'm gonna bust his buns. - - FRIEND - Why? What's the point? - - JEANIE - Why? Because I'm sick of the little - dope. He manipulates my parents, he - does whatever he wants, whenever he - wants and he never gets nailed. - (wicked pause) - Well, babe, today I'm the hammer. - - She yanks angrily on the velcro strap on her sneakers. The - straps rip off in her hand. - - FRIEND - I think he's cute. - - JEANIE - Sweetie, it's an established fact that - you have no taste. Ferris is not cute. - He's not charming. He's not nice. He's - not a wonderful person. He's an ignorant - mule and the sooner everybody in this - school comes to that realization the - better off we'll all be. - - She displays the velcro straps to her friend. - - JEANIE - See? My brother strokes you, you - sympathize with him, I get pissed - off and this is what happens! - - Jeanie tosses the straps on the floor. - - JEANIE - Let me tell you something. I study - hard, I work hard, I'm polite, I'm - considerate, I'm friendly and fair - to all kinds of people. Except - morons. I try to be everything a - good, decent person should be and - you know what? - - FRIEND - Everybody thinks you're an asshole. - - Jeanie freezes with her next sentence pinned to her tongue. - - JEANIE - Excuse me? - - FRIEND - I don't think you're an asshole. - - JEANIE - Who does? - - Her friend smiles sheepishly. - - JEANIE - Rachel? - - Jeanie's friend shrugs, wags her head, does everything but - verbally confirm. - - JEANIE - Rachel's a dirt bag. Who else? - - FRIEND - I don't know. Just forget it. - - JEANIE - Forget that everybody thinks I'm an - asshole? Would you like everybody to - think you're an asshole? - - FRIEND - Not everybody thinks you're an - asshole. Mr. Rooney likes you. - - JEANIE - Oh, hey. That's exciting. A fat - fifty year old clod with B.O. - likes me. - - Jeanie shakes her head in disbelief. - - JEANIE - Would everybody be happier if - maybe I were to die in a flaming - car accident or something? - - FRIEND - Maybe if you didn't cat like and - asshole... - - JEANIE - Am I acting like an asshole? - - FRIEND - I didn't mean it that way. - - JEANIE - I this a conspiracy to shit all - over me or something? Is my brother - behind this? Tell me if he is or I'll - sock your tits. - - FRIEND - You really do have a problem, Jeanie. - - JEANIE - Me? I have a problem? - - FRIEND - Somebody who threatens to sock people's - tits has a problem. - - JEANIE - Alright. How about if I sock your - face? - - Jeanie's friend gets up. - - FRIEND - Take a walk, Jeanie. - - Her friend exits. - - JEANIE - (yells after her) - If it means anything to you, I - have my period! MY BODY'S RIDDING - ITSELF OF OLD EGGS, GODDAMN IT! - - She snarls and slumps against the lockers. - - JEANIE - He's gone. He's over. He's monkey meat. - -123 INT. MEN'S ROOM. CHEZ PAUL 123 - - Ferris is standing at the urinal. - - FERRIS - She's a person who views life as - an ordeal that must be endured. Her - body is a transport vehicle for her - anger. I don't know where she gets - this shit. Basically, the family's - pretty cool. - - He looks down at the urinal. - - FERRIS - I wonder if everybody shoots at - cigarette butts in urinals? Probably - not many women. - (continues) - I used to think that my family was - the only one that had weirdness - in it. It used to worry me. Then I - met Cameron and I saw how his - family functioned. - - He zips this trousers and steps away from the urinal. - - FERRIS - Cameron's home life is really shit. - He wasn't lying. That's why he's sick - all the time. It really upsets him. - What he said about his parents hating - each other? I refuse to sleep over at - his house. His parents fight all the - time. Even when I'm there. Is there - anything worse than being at somebody's - house when their parents are fighting? - It's the absolute height of social - discomfort. - - He checks his hair in the mirror. - - FERRIS - When they go after each other, Cameron - tightens up. It's scary. He gets so - wadded-up, you couldn't pry his buns - apart with a crowbar. The thing with - taking his old man's car? It's good - for him. It teaches him to deal with - his fear. Plus, and I must - be honest here, I love driving it. - I highly recommend picking one up. - - He exists the men's room. We hold a beat. A toilet flushes. - Another beat and Tom walks out of the stall. He crosses to - the sink. - -124 INT. RESTAURANT 124 - - Cameron and Sloane have been served their lunches. They're - staring at the plates. - - CAMERON - What is it? - - SLOANE - I don't know. But it looks like - it's already been eaten and digested. - - CAMERON - I knew it was a mistake letting - Ferris order for us. - - Ferris slides over to the table and drops into his seat. - - FERRIS - What are you doing? - - Cameron looks at Ferris. - - CAMERON - What is this shit? - - FERRIS - You got me. I don't speak French. - - He puts his napkin in his lap and smells his plate. - - FERRIS - I think it's a land-based beefoid - creature. - - He takes a bite. He savors the taste. - - FERRIS - Splendid. - - CAMERON - Really? - - FERRIS - Superb. - - Cameron and Sloane try theirs. They chew tentatively. - - FERRIS - Good? - - Sloane and Cameron shrug. It's not bad. A WAITER passes. - Ferris stops him. - - FERRIS - Yo, Clouseau! - - The waiter stops and looks at Ferris indignantly. - - FERRIS - I have a growth on my brain that - causes memory lapses. Could you - tell me what we ordered here? - - The waiter glances at the plates. - - WAITER - Sweetbreads. - - FERRIS - Uh, huh. And what might that be? - - WAITER - Pancreas. - - FERRIS - As in the gland that has important - functions in digestion and metabolism? - - CU. SLOANE AND CAMERON - - They stop chewing. They're holding their sweetbreads in their - mouths. - - CU. FERRIS - - He continues his questioning. - - FERRIS - ...That secretes a thick, colorless fluid - containing digestive enzymes? The home - of the world famous isles of Langerhans? - - CU. WAITER - - He nods broadly, knowing that he's spoiling the kids' meal. - - CU. SLOANE AND CAMERON - - They look at each other. - - CU. FERRIS - - He pats his mouth with his napkin. He looks to Cameron and - Sloane. He raises a finger, holds it a beat and gives a cue. - - CU. WAITER - - He turns away as Sloane and Cameron spit out their food. - - CU. FERRIS - - He watches Sloane and Cameron then glances at the waiter. - - FERRIS - Check, please! - -125 EXT. RESTAURANT 125 - - Tom and his two GUESTS are standing at the curb, talking. A - cab is waiting. The door's open. In the B.G. Ferris, Sloane - and Cameron come out of the restaurant. They approach the - cab. Tom's back it to Ferris. Ferris stops cold. - - FERRIS, SLOANE, CAMERON - - They turns on cue at Tom, now in the B.G., turns toward the - restaurant. - - FERRIS - 40,000 restaurants in the downtown - area and I pick the one my father - goes to. - - CAMERON - We're gonna get nabbed, for sure. - - FERRIS - No way, Cameron. Only the meek - get nabbed. The bold survive. - Let's go. - - He turns to the cab. Sloane and Cameron turn slowly. - - EXT. STREET. CAB - - Tom and his party are still jawing at curbside. Ferris, - Sloane and Cameron slowly approach the cab. Behind the backs - of the men, Ferris scoots Sloane into the cab. Cameron - dashes in. The Ferris hops the cab. - - INT. CAB - - Ferris slams the door. - - CU. CAB DOOR HANDLE - - A man's hand reaches for the handle as the cab pulls away. - - EXT. RESTAURANT - - Tom and his guests watch in bewilderment at their cab takes - off. MUSIC COMES UP. - -126 EXT. MUSEUM OR SCIENCE AND INDUSTRY 126 - - The grand old Chicago museum. - -127 INT. MUSEUM. OVERHEAD SHOT 127 - - The main gallery is crowded with school kids. - - INT. MUSEUM. FLOOR - - A class of kids walking along holding hands. Among the - second graders are Ferris, Sloane and Cameron, holding hands - looking like giant grade schoolers. - - INT. MUSEUM. DISPLAY CASE - - Baby chicks are hatching in a huge, round incubator. Sloane, - Ferris and Cameron are intently watching the process. - - INT. MUSEUM. COAL MINE - - Sloane, Ferris and Cameron ride in the coal train in the - coal mine replica. Ferris and Sloane are making out. - - INT. MUSEUM. INDUSTRIAL DISPLAY - - Sloane operates a metal press to produce a tin ashtray. - - INT. MUSEUM. HEART REPLICA - - A giant, walk-thru replica of a human heart. Ferris staggers - out of it, clutching his heart, feigning a massive heart - attack. - - INT. GERMAN U-BOAT - - Ferris is examining the controls of the captured U-Boat. He - checks to see if he's being watched then he presses a button - and pulls a lever. - - CU. PROPELLER - - For the first time in forty years, the screw turns. - - CU. HUMAN FETUS IN A BOTTLE - - The famous stages of life display which features bottled - fetuses. The ninth month. A tiny human being in a jar. - - CU. SLOANE, FERRIS, CAMERON - - Sloane wants to cry. Cameron's stomach is in his throat. - Ferris is lost in thought. The MUSIC ENDS. - - SLOANE - (remorsefully) - I wonder if he has a name? - - FERRIS - (blank) - Ninth Month. - -128 EXT. CHICAGO RIVER. LONG, HIGH SHOT 128 - - From the Merchandise Mart, looking down the fetid, green - swath of water. A boat is rolling up the man-made canyon. - - CAMERON (VO) - Are you guys worried about nuclear war? - - FERRIS (VO) - Cameron, it's a beautiful day, we've - won our freedom, we're traveling down - one of American's most scenic polluted - waterways and you have to bring up - nuclear war? - - SLOANE (VO) - It is kind of raggy subject, Cam. - - CAMERON (VO) - Regardless. It's with us every day. - The possiblity of global destruction. - - SLOANE (VO) - Don't you think it's an issue because - people need something to worry about? - They have to like, have some major - problem that puts all their little - bullshit into some kind of persepective? - - CAMERON (VO) - Maybe. - - FERRIS - They used to have Viet Nam. They - used to have the oil crisis stuff - and Iran. That's over and people - have to have their big issue. It's - not like somebody came up with the - nuclear holocaust yesterday at - noon, you know. - - SLOANE (VO) - To answer your question...No, I'm not - worried about it at all. - - FERRIS (VO) - We don't know when the bombs going - off. We do know, however, that college - starts in the fall. - - CAMERON (VO) - (dramatic, deadly serious) - Do you know what a nuclear winter is? - - Long beat. - - SLOANE (VO) - Yeah. Everybody's dead, it's real - cold and the skiing's for shit. - - The boat makes the turn in the river and CLEARS FRAME. - - EXT. BOAT DOCK - - The three are sitting on the aft deck of the tour boat. - Their feet are up on the railing. Very casual, very relaxed. - Discussing the end of the world. - - SLOANE - My step-father's always going off about - how when he was young he was committed to - all these causes. - - FERRIS - He's full of shit. All the old hippies - are full of shit. - - SLOANE - He says I don't care about things like - he did. - - FERRIS - What's he care about now? - - SLOANE - Baldness, fatty meats and money. - - FERRIS - I rest my case. - - CAMERON - What's spooky is they still control - everything. They took over when they - were young and they never gave it up. - - FERRIS - One of the most frightening experiences - of my young life has been observing - my parents and our neighbors playing - the Baby Boom Edition of Trivial Pursuits. - It's chilling to see people crazed with - the minutia of their past. - - CAMERON - It's human nature to like what you had - better than what you have. - - SLOANE - Agreed. - - A loud speaker on the boat identifies a point of interest. - - LOUDSPEAKER - TO YOUR LEFT IT THE WORLD'S TALLEST - BUILDING... - - The three look to the left. - - LOUDSPEAKER, FERRIS, - SLOANE, CAMERON - The Sears Tower. - - CAMERON - You know, this is all very interesting - but I'm starving. - - FERRIS - An hour ago you wanted to yack. - - CAMERON - I feel better now. - - FERRIS - Lean over and grab a fish. - - Cameron looks over the side of the boat. An obtuse thought - flashes through Sloane's brain. - - SLOANE - What comes after a nuclear winter? - - FERRIS - Nuclear spring. - -129 EXT. SCHOOL 129 - - Meanwhile... - -130 INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE DEAN'S OFFICE 130 - - Jeanie is having a small moral debate with herself. - - JEANIE - It's reprehensible to squeal on - your own flesh and blood...but it's - for his own good. His cavalier - attitude will get him into trouble - later in life...and it'll continue - to piss me off and I'll get so - wadded-up that it'll cause cervex cancer - and he'll ruin my life. Screw him. - - She slips into the Dean's outer office. - -131 INT. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE 131 - - Rooney's secretary is behind her desk. Jeanie walks in. The - secretary looks up and greets her with a weary smile. - - SECRETARY - Hello, Jeanie. Who's bothering - you now? - - Jeanie scowls at her. - - JEANIE - Is Dean Rooney in? - - SECRETARY - I'm sorry, he's out. Can I help you? - - JEANIE - (condescending) - I seriously doubt it. When's he back? - - SECRETARY - I don't know. He left the grounds - on personal business. - -132 EXT. STREET. CU. CURB 132 - - A car tire rolls into FRAME and stops. Slide across to the - sidewalk. Rooney's dress shoe steps out onto the pavement. - Move up to reveal Rooney standing at the door of his - bile-green LeBaron. Rooney peels off his shades and looks - around like he's Dirty Harry. In his mind he is Dirty Harry. - - CU. FIRE HYDRANT - - Rooney's dres shoe on the hydrant. He ties his lace and - pulls up his sock. - - EXT. STREET - - Rooney straightens his tie and jacket and slips into a rowdy - hot dog joint. - -133 INT. HOT DOG STAND 133 - - It's jammed with construction workers, secretaries, suburban - businessmen. It's loud and confusing. Rooney pushes his way - in and scopes the crowd. - - HIS POV - - A young person is playing a video game in a far corner. - - CU. ROONEY - - He suspects it's Ferris. It look sort of like Ferris. He - smiles and cuts into the crowd. - - CU. THE BACK OF THE VIDEO PLAYER'S HEAD - - MOVE IN on the player. - - ROONEY (OC) - I've been waiting a long time - for this. - - The player looks up. - - ROONEY (OC) - Your ass is mine. - - The player turns around. It's a GIRL. - - CU. ROONEY - - The blood evacuates his face. He stares at the girl. - - CU. GIRL - - She stares at him. She picks up her Coke. She puts the straw - to her lips and sucks. - - CU. ROONEY - - He's still staring. He can't think of anything to say. - - CU. GIRL - - Holding the straw in the mouth, she draws it out of the cup. - She raises it, pointing it directly in Rooney's face. - - CU. ROONEY - - He squints - - CU. GIRL - - She blows a strawful of Coke in Rooney's face. - - CU. NAPKIN HOLDER - - A hand yanks a napkin hold. - - INT. HOT DOG STAND. SERVICE COUNTER - - Rooney wipes his face. Behind him is the kitchen and a - grease-covered TV set broadcasting a Cubs baseball game. - There's a long foul ball. The TV camera follows the ball - into the stands. A kid makes a stab at the ball. Rooney - wipes his suit off. The TV camera zooms in on the boy - triumphantly holding the foul ball aloft. It's Ferris. - He does a little celebration dance. Rooney wads up the - napkin and tosses it in a trashbin. The TV camera returns to - the game. Rooney glances at the screen. - - ROONEY - What's the score? - - HOT DOG MAN - Zero to zero. - - ROONEY - Who's winning? - - HOT DOG MAN - Cubs. - - Rooney nods and exits. - -134 EXT. WRIGLEY FIELD. STANDS 134 - - Ferris sits down with the baseball. He shakes his stinging - paw. On either side of him are Cameron and Sloane. Cameron's - scarfing nachos. - - FERRIS - I think I broke my thumb. - - SLOANE - Can we leave now? - - FERRIS - You want to leave? We just got here. - - SLOANE - You got a call, you broke your thumb, - what's left to do? - - Cameron offers his nachos to Sloane. She looks at them with - disgust. - - SLOANE - No wonder you're always sick. - - Ferris leans back, puts his hands behind his head and turns - his face to the bright sun. - - FERRIS - Do you realize that if I played by - the rules, right now I'd be in gym? - -135 EXT. HIGH SCHOOL. PLAYING FIELD 135 - - A boy's gym class is doing laps. A blue Fiat pulls into the - shot. - -136 INT. FIAT 136 - - Jeanie's at the wheel. She sneaks a glance at the school. - - JEANIE - I can't believe my brother's making - me put myself in a position where I - could get expelled. Selfish little - moron. - (pause) - Ferris? You're overshadowed - me long enough. I'm gonna get - you, buddy. - - She puts the car in gear and drives out of the shot. - -137 EXT. STATE STREET 137 - - A parade is underway. Floats and politicians. Marching - bands, drum and bugle corps, soldiers, school kids. Figure - skating club in outfits and skates performing their routines - on pavement. It's GERMAN-AMERICAN APPRECIATION DAY. - - EXT. STATE STREET. FLOAT - - Riding atop on a float is Ferris. He's waving to the crowd. - He and half a dozen homely German-American Beauty Queens. - He's leading the girls in singing, "DANKE SHOEN". - - EXT. STATE STREET. SLOANE AND CAMERON - - They're watching Ferris go by. They wave to him. - - SLOANE - I love him. - - CAMERON - It's hard not to. - - Cameron breaks a smile. As worried as he is about the day - and getting caught, he has to admire Ferris for his lack of - inhabitions. Cameron mumbles a few words. - - CAMERON - Stop...water...want... - - SLOANE - Do you believe in reincarnation? - - CAMERON - Huh? - - SLOANE - Do you believe that you lived before? - - CAMERON - Yeah. Sort of. - - SLOANE - DO you ever wonder what you were? - - CAMERON - I don't have to wonder. I know. - - Sloane looks at him with amazement. - - CAMERON - I was a tractor tire. - - EXT. STATE STREET. FLOAT - - Ferris is on his knees, reaching down from the float, - shaking hands with people in the crowd. - - FERRIS - Guten tag, dude! - - EXT. STATE STREET - - Sloane and Cameron continue their conversation. - - CAMERON - What were you in a previous life? - - SLOANE - I'm not sure but I think I know - who Ferris was. - - CAMERON - Hannibal. - - SLOANE - From the A-Team? - - CAMERON - No. The guy who rode the elephants - into Switzerland. - - Sloane laughs at herself. They step out of the crowd and - head down the street in the direction the parade's heading. - - SLOANE - I think if he was anybody, he - was Magellan. You know, the guy - who went around the world. - - Cameron nods. - - SLOANE - I could see him ignoring popular - belief and taking off on some - impossible mission. - - CAMERON - Yeah. As long as I've known him, - everything works for him. There's - nothing he can't handle. I can't - handle anything. School, parents, - the future. Ferris can do anything. - - EXT. STATE STREET. FLOAT - - Ferris is playing "TWIST AND SHOUT" on the accordian. The - girls on the float are singing. - - FERRIS - WELL, SHAKE IT UP, BABY, NOW! - - GIRLS - SHAKE IT UP, BABY - - FERRIS - TWIST AND SHOUT! - - GIRLS - TWIST AND SHOUT! - - FERRIS - COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, BABY ON! - COME ON AND WORK IT ON OUT! - - GIRLS - WORK IT ON OUT! - - EXT. STREET. SLOANE AND CAMERON - - They continue their conversation. - - SLOANE - The future's worse for a boy, isn't - it? - - Cameron doesn't understand what she means. - - SLOANE - A girl can always bail out and - have a baby and get some guy - to support her. - - CAMERON - That's a pretty grim thought. - - SLOANE - True, but it's an option. No options - is worse. - - CAMERON - I don't know what I'm gonna do. - - SLOANE - College. - - CAMERON - Yeah, but to do what? - - SLOANE - What are you interested in? - - CAMERON - Nothing. - - SLOANE - Me either. - - They walk on for a few beats. We HEAR "TWIST AND SHOUT" - GROWING LOUDER AND LOUDER. The sons is taking over all the - other tunes in the band. It's infecting the entire parade. - - CAMERON - What do you think Ferris is gonna - do? - - EXT. STATE STREET. MARCHING BAND - - They're playing TWIST AND SHOUT. - - EXT. STREET. MOUNTED POLICE OFFICER - - He's singing. - - POLICE OFFICER - YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO GOOD! - - EXT. STREET. PUNKS - - A band of PUNKS are dancing on the roof of a news kiosk. - - PUNKS - LOOK SO GOOD! - - EXT. STREET MOTHER AND HER CHILDREN - - A WOMAN and her two TODDLERS sing along. - - WOMAN - YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO FINE! - - TODDLERS - LOOK SO FINE! - - EXT. STREET. BLACK TEENAGER - - He's wearing a shower cap and a maroon overcoat. - - TEENAGER - COME ON AND TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! - - EXT. STREET. OLD NEWSPAPER SELLER - - He singing along. - - NEWSPAPER SELLER - TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! - - EXT. STREET. CHOIR GROUP - - They're marching down the parade. They're singing in their - angleic voices. - - CHOIR - AND LET ME KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! - - EXT. STREET. STREET CLEANERS - - With their brooms ready... - - STREET CLEANERS - KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! - - EXT. STREET. DECK - - The entire parade is singing and playing "TWIST AND SHOUT". - - EXT. STREET. VIEWING STAND - - The POLITICIANS and their WIVES stand up. - - POLITICIANS AND WIVES - AH! - - EXT. STREET. VIEWING STAND - - The CLERGYMEN stand. - - CLERGYMEN - AH! - - EXT. STREET. VETERANS - - Marching in formation and in WWII uniforms. - - VETERANS - AH! - - EXT. STREET. FLOAT - - Ferris leads the Beauty Queens in the rousing finale. - - FERRIS - AH! - - EXT. STREET. WIDE AND HIGH - - The entire parade is at frenzy pitch. - - PARADE - AHHHHH! - - The SOUND OF THE VOICES blends with the SOUND OF A RED-LINED - HIGH PERFORMANCE ENGINE. - -138 EXT. CALUMET CITY 138 - - The Port of Chicago. Grim, gritty waterfront. Suddenly, - Cameron's father's car flies OVER CAMERA. Like the opening - shot in Star Wars. The Starship Ferrari. SLO-MO. - - CU. FERRARI UNDER-CARRIAGE - - It travels past to reveal a beautiful blue sky. SLO-MO. - - CU. PARKING ATTENDANT - - His eyes are wide with exhilaration. Mouth open, tongue out. - Maniac at the wheel. SLO-MO. - - CU. RASTAMAN - - His eyes are closed. Big smile. SLO-MO, - - EXT. STREETS. KIDS - - They're looking up in the air, following the car as it flies - over them. Broad, excited smiles. The car's shadow passes - over them. SLO-MO. - -139 CU. CAR GRILLE 139 - - It fills the frame and stops. We MOVE UP to reveal Rooney - behind the wheel of his car. - - EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE - - Rooney gets out of his car. He looks at the house, looks up - and down the street, then crosses to Ferris' house. - -140 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 140 - - Rooney's at the front door. We see him peek in a window at - the top of the door. The doorbell rings. - -141 INT. HOUSE. FERRIS' ROOM. COMPUTER 141 - - It acknowledges the doorbell. - - CU. CASSETTE PLAYER - - It clicks on. - -142 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT PORCH 142 - - The house intercom activates. We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE. - - FERRIS - Who is it? - - Rooney presses the intercom. - - ROONEY - This is Ed Rooney, Ferris. I'd - like to have a word with you. - - FERRIS' VOICE - I'm sorry I can't come to the door - right now. I'm very ill and I'm - afraid that in my weakened condition, - I could take a nasty spill down the - stairs and subject myself to further - school absenses. - - There's a pause. Rooney presses the intercom again. - - ROONEY - B.S. Come down here. - - FERRIS' VOICE - You can reach my parents at their - places of business. Thank you for - stopping by. I appreciate your concern - for my well-being. It will be remembered - long after this illness has past. - - His voice clicks off. Rooney presses the intercom again. - - ROONEY - I'm not leaving until you come - down and talk to me. - - FERRIS' VOICE - Have a nice day. - - Rooney presses the intercom. - - ROONEY - I'm not leaving, Ferris. - - There's no response. Rooney rings the doorbell again. The - pre-recorded litany starts over. - - FERRIS' VOICE - Who is it? - - Rooney doesn't realize that he's listening to a recording. - - ROONEY - Don't get smart with me Ferris! - - FERRIS' VOICE - I'm sorry I can't come to the door - right now. I'm very ill and I'm - afraid that in my weakened condition... - - Rooney leans back from the door. He can't quite figure out - what's going on. But's it's highly suspicious. - -143 INT. HOUSE. LIVING ROOM 143 - - Rooney steps through the hedges and peeks in the windows. We - HEAR FERRIS' VOICE inside. - - FERRIS' VOICE - You may reach my parents at their - places of business. - -144 INT. HOUSE. KITCHEN 144 - - Rooney tries to peak in the kitchen window. - - FERRIS' VOICE - I appreciate your conern for my - well-being. It will be remembered - long after... - -145 EXT. HOUSE. BACKDOOR 145 - - A black rubber doggie door. The type that allows a dog to - come and go as it pleases. Rooney is crouched down. He lifts - the doggie door and peeks in the house. - - HIS POV - - Along the kitchen floor. Through the kitchen, into the - dining room. We hear a LARGE DOG GROWL. - - CU. ROONEY - - He's peaking through the door. He hears the dog. His face - freezes. - - FERRIS - Have a nice day. - - EXT. HOUSE. DOGGIE DOOR - - A Rottweiler bursts through the doggie door in a fury of - gnashing teeth and foam. - -146 CU. LARGE BREASTS 146 - - Tassled pasties twirl like airplane propellers. - - CU. CAMERON, FERRIS AND SLOANE - - They're sitting in a booth in the garish, nearly deserted - strip joint. Cameron's mouth is open in amazement. Sloane is - embarrassed and revolted. - - CAMERON - How does she do that? One goes - one way, one goes the other. - - FERRIS - She's probably schizophrenic. - - SLOANE - Ferris, this is nauseating me. - Really. I'm losing respect for - you by the bucket. - - FERRIS - You don't think it's amazing that - we got in? - - SLOANE - Who wants to get in? - - FERRIS - Cameron looks like a toddler, for - Christ's sake. I'm talking about - a major achievement in false - identification. - - SLOANE - I'm not interested in watching - someone jiggle their mammary glands. - - FERRIS - Point well taken. But consider why - she does it. Why she does it and - you don't. - - SLOANE - I'm not a tramp. - - FERRIS - Maybe her life fell apart. Maybe she - lost somebody. A lover. A boyfriend. - A parent. A child... - (to CAMERA) - This kind of thing makes me a little - depressed. You may think because I'm - the age I am that I'm a sex maniac. - That sex is all I think about. - But that's not true. I'm a romantic. - I think alot of people my age are. - We think about love and matters of - the heart. And SAT scores and acne - aside, we worry about lonliness. It's - a terrible thing. And we feel it. I - feel it. - - He flips his collar up, curls his lip and affects an Elvis - impression. A sappy, do-wop track FADES UP. The club lights - go down. Cameron and Sloane disappear into darkness. Ferris - stands up from the booth. He strolls slowly through the - empty club as the stripper bumps and grinds in a pool of - blue light. - - FERRIS - You know, someone said the world's a - stage and each must play a part. - Fate had me playing in love, with you - as my sweetheart. Act one was when we - met. I loved you at first glance. You - read your lines so cleverly and never - missed a cue. Then came act two. You - seemed to change. You acted strange. - And why, I've never known. - - He climbs up on the little runway. The stripper disappears - in darkness as Ferris takes over the spotlight. - - FERRIS - Honey, you lies when you said you - loved me and I had no cause to - doubt you. But I'd rather go on - hearing your lies than to go on - living without you. Now, the stage - is bare and I'm standing there with - emptiness all around and if you won't - come back to me, then they can bring - the curtain down... - - Elvis fades up. The orignal recording. Ferris lip synchs - with the big, dramatic florish that was the King's trademark - ballad sign-off. - - ELVIS - IS YOUR HEART FILLED WITH PAIN? - SHALL I COME BACK AGAIN? - TELL ME DEAR, ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT? - - Ferris drops his head. Like the King would. - -147 EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET. CAMERON'S CAR 147 - - Cameron's father is looking at the car. He's studying it. It - looks terribly familiar. He leans into the open car and - reaches for the glovebox to see if the contents will confirm - if it's his. He freezes. He looks up slowly. - - HIS POV - - The Attendant and the Rastaman are glowering at him. They're - holding bags of fried chicken. - - ATTENDANT - You looking for something in my - car? - - CU. CAMERON'S FATHER - - He shakes his head, no. - - CAMERON'S FATHER - No. - -148 EXT. FERRIS' TOWN. JEANIE 148 - - Jeanie's standing at her car. She's staring incredulously - into the distance. Her mouth's open. She's shaking her head - slowly. - - HER POV - - Spray-painted on the town water tower in gigantic black - letters -- SAVE FERRIS BUELLER. - - CU. JEANIE - - She's furious. - - JEANIE - I'm gonna microwave his nuts... - -149 EXT. MICHIGAN AVENUE 149 - - Afternoon traffic. - -150 INT. TAXI CAB 150 - - Ferris, Sloane and Cameron in the backseat of a checker. - Ferris is on one window, Cameron on the other. Sloane's in - the middle. Ferris is talking to the DRIVER. - - FERRIS - So... - - He leans forward and reads the driver's name off the city - license. - - FERRIS - So, Yuri, how long have you been - in America? - - DRIVER - One year. - - FERRIS - What's your overall impression? - - DRIVER - It's very good here. - - FERRIS - Better than Russia? - - DRIVER - Much better here than in Russia. - - FERRIS - Clearly you've never been to an - American high school. - - Ferris sits back. He puts his arm around Sloane. - - CAMERON - It's getting late, Ferris. I have - to get the car home. I know you - don't care, but it means my ass. - - FERRIS - You think I don't care? - - CAMERON - I know you don't care. - - FERRIS - That hurts, Cameron. - - SLOANE - Jump back, Ferris, Cameron's been - a good sport. - - FERRIS - Cameron, what'd you see today? - - Cameron looks at him. - - FERRIS - You saw four states, a submarine, - a giant heart, seventy five dollars - worth of cooked pancreas, two of the - most incredible breasts ever to come - out of modern plastics, major - league baseball and... - (quizical look) - Are you gonna chuck your nachos? - - Cameron's staring past Ferris. He's frozen. Ferris realizes - he's looking at something out the window. He turns. He - freezes. - - HIS POV - - In the gridlock traffic, their cab is squeezed tight - alongside another cab. In that cab is Tom. He's about a foot - from Ferris. He turns and looks right into CAMERA. - - TOM'S POV - - Ferris' frozen face. - - FERRIS' POV - - Tom glances back at his paper. He pauses. Looks up. Thinks. - Turns back to CAMERA. - - TOM'S POV - - Sloane is sitting where Ferris was. She's wearing - sunglasses, looking bored. She turns and glances out the - window. Fakes a yawn. - - HER POV - - Tom stares at her. He's baffled. He looks away. - - INT. CAB. FLOOR. - - Cameron and Ferris are on the floor. On their asses, with - their backs to the back of the front seat, feet up on the - seat. - - FERRIS - (to Sloane) - What's he doing? - - SLOANE - (revolted) - He's looking at me and he's licking - the glass and making obscene gestures - with his hands. - - FERRIS - What?! - - Sloane bursts out laughing. - - SLOANE - Roast! - - She licks her finger and touches Ferris knee. She makes a - sizzling sound. She collapes on the seat in hysterics. - - INT. TOM'S CAB - - Tom's looking into Ferris' cab. - - HIS POV - - Sloane's bouncing up and down. - - CU. TOM - - He can't quite figure out what's going on. He turns and - slowly raises his newspaper over his face. We see on the - back of the paper a small story with the headline: COMMUNITY - RALLIES AROUND SICK YOUTH. - -151 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE. BACKYARD. DOG 151 - - The Rottweiler's chewing on a shoe. Tearing it apart. - - EXT. BACKYARD. ROONEY - - He's standing outside the fence. He's missing a shoe. His - suit pants are torn from the crotch to the knee. His suit - coat pocket is torn off. His hair's messed and there're - grass-stains on his knees and elbows. He's looking in at the - dog. - - ROONEY - That's a $28.00 dress shoe, you - worthless mutt! - - HIS POV - - The Rottweiler leaps at CAMERA. - -152 EXT. CITY STREET 152 - - Ferris is leading the way down Michigan Avenue. He's - hustling through the crowd. He has Sloane by the hand. She's - jogging to keep up. Cameron's a few steps behind. He keeps - bumping into people. Ferris and Sloane make the turn at - Wacker Driver and disappear into the Stone Container - Building. Cameron follows, mumbling again. - - CAMERON - Money...tits...please... - -153 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT 153 - - A florist truck pulls up in front of the house. A DELIVERY - MAN gets out iwth a huge floral arrangement. He heads up to - the house. - -154 EXT. HOUSE. PORCH 154 - - Rooney's sitting on the porch patting a bloody knee with his - handkerchief. The delivery man hops up on the steps. Rooney - looks up at him. He greets Rooney cheerily. - - DELIVERY MAN - Howdy! - - He presses the doorbell. A beat and we hear Ferris' - recording. - - FERRIS' VOICE - Who is it? - - The Deliver Man presses the intercom. - - DELIVERY MAN - Focus on Flowers. I have a delivery. - - FERRIS' VOICE - I'm sorry but I can't come to the - door right now. I'm very ill and I'm - afraid... - - ROONEY FERRIS' VOICE - It's a recording, asshole. ...that in my weakened - condition, I could take a - DELIVERY MAN nasty spill and subject - What's your problem? myself to further school - absenses... - ROONEY (pause) - He's one of my students. You can reach my parents - at their places of - DELIVERY MAN business. Thank you for - Little bugger's dying. stopping by. I appreciate - your concern for my well- - ROONEY being. It will be - What? remembered long after - this illness has passed. - - DELIVERY MAN - As I heard it from our mailman - he was supposedly born with only - half a kidney. - - FERRIS' VOICE - Have a nice day. - - DELIVERY MAN - (to the intercom) - Thank you. - (continues) - I don't know the details. But my - boss had to send to Milwaukee to - get more orchids. He's very - popular. - - Rooney is flabbergasted. - - DELIVERY MAN - Nobody's home here? - - ROONEY - No. - - DELIVERY MAN - You gonna be around for awhile? - - ROONEY - I imagine so. - - DELIVERY MAN - You wanna keep an eye on these? - - Rooney looks at the flowers. Then he looks at the Delivery - Man. - - DELIVERY MAN - (happy sigh) - It really touches me that so many people - are rallying behind this guy. I guess - there's hope for the human race afterall. - - He hands the arrangement to Rooney. - - DELIVERY MAN - Gotta run. - - He bounds off the porch and trots to the truck. Rooney looks - incredulously at the arrangement. He opens the attached - card. - - ROONEY - (defeated) - Oh, Christ... - - CU. CARD - - It's signed: - - ALL OUR BEST FOR A SPEEDY RECOVERY - THE ENGLISH DEPT. FACULTY AND STAFF - -155 INT. RADIO STATION STUDIO 155 - - The number one afternoon FM rock'n roll D.J. is sitting - behind his microphone. - - D.J. - I don't know who that was or - what they were playing but I - apologize for it nonetheless. - (pause) - I have a guest with me today... - -156 INT. STUDIO. FERRIS 156 - - He put his headphones on. - -157 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 157 - - Jeanie's car pull in the driveway. We hear her car radio. - - D.J. - His name is Ferris Mueller. - - FERRIS - Bueller. Ferris Bueller. - - INT. CAR. JEANIE - - She goes into shock. Her eyes blink, her head cocks. - - D.J. - Sorry about that. - - FERRIS - It's cool. - - Jeanie draws back and punches out her radio. - - CU. CAR ANTENNA - - The impact of her blow to the radio shoots the antenna in - the air. - -158 INT. STUDIO 158 - - Ferris leans forward and adjusts the microphone. - - D.J. - He has an incredible story. - - Ferris turns to CAMERA. - - FERRIS - I'm going to tell a massive lie here. - It's going to by very thick and very - steamy. I think radio's a facinating - medium, it challenges the imagination. - Unlike television which provides the - images, radio... - (pause) - You know this. Anyway, it's always been - a dream of mine to be on the radio. - I have what I consider to be an excellent - broadcast voice. I practise it in the - bathroom all the time. I used to play - records and do introductions to them. - But I've never had the chance to sit - behind a microphone and try it out - for real. This is a 50,000 watt outlet. - I'm going out to several million people - so let me just say, I'm in a very pleasant - groove right now. - (clears his voice, - speaks into the - mike, affects a - "radio" voice) - Well, Steve, you and your listeners are - probably not going to believe this but... - -159 INT. SCHOOL 159 - - A group of kids are sitting around a blaster. - - FERRIS' VOICE - ...I'm the first Chicago area youth - to be selected to participate in - a space shuttle mission. - -160 INT. STUDIO 160 - - Ferris turns from the mike to CAMERA. - - FERRIS - I was going to say I knew Springsteen's - home phone number and I was going - to give out the number of the New - Jersey State Police but I thought I - might get busted. After I got flunked - in driver's ed for sideswiping a mail - box, which was not in any way, shape - or from my fault. I was putting out a - cigarette, like I was told. It was weird. - I'm so used to getting in a car and - lighting up, because I'm not allowed to - smoke at home, that I got in the driver's - ed. car and spaced completely, pulled out - of the lot, lit up a 'boro and Mrs. Heller - looked at me like I'd just pulled a bunny - out of my nose or something and I realized - what the hell I was doing and I went to - put it out and hit the mail box. Anyway, - I was so pissed off at her reaction to - the whole thing that I considered running - an ad in a sleaze magazine for a school - teacher that does phone sex and I was gonna - use Mrs. Heller's home number but is cost - too much. I took it again and passed. But - I had to work at Burger King to get the - cash to pay for the driver's ed. car. The - car got fixed in auto shop for nothing and - I think Rooney pocketed the cash. But I - can't prove it? I'm in high school, remember? - - He turns back to the DJ. - - D.J. - How did you get picked for this. - - FERRIS - It's kind of a long story but I've - been doing alot of programming for - NASA. - -161 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 161 - - A even larger group of kids is listening to the blaster. - They're cheering him on. - -162 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE. BACKYARD 162 - - The Rottweiler is laying unconscious on the lawn. The flower - arrangement is scattered all over the yard and the ceramic - vase the flowers were in has obviously struck the dog. The - broken pieces are all around the dog's head. - - EXT. FERRIS HOUSE. BACKYARD. ROONEY - - He's smiling with great satisfaction. - - ROONEY - Sleep tight, pooch. - - He hears something in the house. His head snaps around. He - drops down and peek in the windows. - - HIS POV - - A glimpse of a fleeting figure. - - CU. ROONEY - - His eyes dance in anticipation of revenge. - -163 INT. HOUSE. FERRIS' ROOM 163 - - Jeanie kicks the door open. The yardstick flings the covers - and the pillows beneath them in the air. She stomps in and - turns off the snoring synthesizer. - - JEANIE - I knew it! - - She grabs the phone and sits down. She dials a number. - -164 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT 164 - - Rooney sneaks around the side of the house. He slinks up on - the porch. The front door's open. He peeks in. - -165 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 165 - - Jeanie's on the phone. - - JEANIE - Is Mrs. Bueller there? Where is she? - This is her daughter. Do you know where - she is? Do you know when she'll be back? - Do you know anything? - - She slams the phone down. - - JEANIE - The worm has luck like clams - have body odor... - - She's startled by a noise downstairs. A smile spreads across - her face. He's back and she's going to nail him. - -166 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 166 - - Rooney sneaks into the house. He looks around the foyer and - heads into the kitchen. - -167 INT. HOUSE. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY 167 - - Jeanie tiptoes down the stairs. - -168 INT. HOUSE. KITCHEN 168 - - Rooney sneaks through the kitchen into the den. - -169 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 169 - - Jeanie comes down the stairs into the foyer. - -170 INT. HOUSE. KITCHEN 170 - - Rooney comes out of the den, back into the kitchen. He - crosses back toward the foyer. - -171 INT. FOYER 171 - - Jeanie sneaks into the kitchen. - -172 INT. KITCHEN 172 - - Jeanie and Rooney come face-to-face. Jeanie squeals in - horror. She doesn't recognize Rooney as himself but as an - intruder. She drops into a karate stance and kicks Rooney in - the face. He hits the deck. She flees back up the stairs. - -173 INT. CAR 173 - - Boyd is sitting in the backseat of Joyce's car listening to - the radio. - - FERRIS' VOICE - My input on the Star Wars defense - plan was pretty substantial so I - guess this is their way of rewarding - me. I'm pretty flattered. - - EXT. CAR - - Joyce and her clients leave a show house and head toward the - car. - - INT. CAR - - Boyd looks out the window as his parents and Joyce appear. - - D.J. VOICE - Can you stay around and take a few - phone calls? - - FERRIS' VOICE - I'd really like to but I have a kidney - operation in about an hour. - - EXT. CAR - - Joyce and her clients take one last look at the house. - - JOYCE - If you're willing to commit a - little time and a little money - to this place, you can really - have something to be proud of. - Don't let the black living room - throw you off. - - She opens the car door. - - INT. CAR - - The door opens. - - D.J. VOICE - I wish you the best of luck. - - FERRIS' VOICE - Thanks, Steve. - - D.J. VOICE - A very interesting guy, Ferris Bueller. - - Joyce gets in. The clients get in the other side. A song - starts. - - JOYCE - (to the kid) - Well, Boyd, how are you bearing - up? - - The kid stares at her. - - JOYCE - Did I tell you I have a son - your age? - - BOYD - Twice. - - JOYCE - His name is Ferris. I think you'd - like him. - - Boyd sits up in the seat at the mention of Ferris' name. - - BOYD - Is he going up in the space shuttle - in September? - - Joyce looks around at Boyd. She gives him a curious look. - - JOYCE - Not that I know of. - - BOYD - I knew he was bullshitting. - - MOTHER - Watch your mouth. - - BOYD - How do you watch your mouth? - - JOYCE - Do you know my son? - - FATHER - Don't pay any attention to him. - He thinks it's cute to bait adults. - - BOYD - I don't think it's cute. I think - it's fun. - - Joyce give him a puzzled smile and starts the car. - -174 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 174 - - Jeanie's on the phone. She's in a panic. - - JEANIE - This is not a phoeny phone call. There's - an intruder, male caucasian, possibly armed, - certainly weird, in our kitchen. - (pause) - My name is Bueller. - - There's another pause. Jeanie's face drops. - - JEANIE - It's real nice that you hope my - brother's feeling better but I'm - in danger, okay? I'm very cute, - I'm very alone and I'm very - protective of my body. I'd rather - not have it violated or killed. - I need help! - -175 INT. KITCHEN 175 - - Rooney's plugging his bloody nose with paper towel. The - intercom goes on. - - JEANIE'S VOICE - Excuse me. If whoever's in the house - is still in the house, I'd like you - to know that I have just called the police. - If you have any brains whatsoever, you'll - get your ass out of my house real quick. - - Rooney stiffens with fear. - - JEANIE'S VOICE - I'd also like to add that I have - my father's gun. And a scorching - case of herpes. - -176 EXT. STREET 176 - - Rooney's car is hooked to a tow truck. It's parked in front - of a fire hydrant and the windshield is decorated with - parking citations. In the distance SIRENS WAIL. - -177 EXT. PARKING LOT 177 - - The three are waiting for the Ferrari. We HEAR TIRES - SQUEALING, AN ENGINE REVING-OUT. Then the Ferrari pulls down - the ramp and jams to a frightening stop. A BLACK GUY jumps - out. Ferris hands him the parking stub. - - FERRIS - Just out of curiosity, what was - your top speed coming down the - ramp? - - BLACK GUY - (matter-of-fact) - About 60. - - FERRIS - Stunning! - - He hands him a buck and opens the door and pulls the - passenger seat forward for Cameron. - - FERRIS - This is probably the last time you'll - have to ride back here. Keep that in - mind. - - Cameron gives him a look and squeezes in. - -178 EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET 178 - - The Ferrari cruises through traffic. - - INT. FERRARI - - Sloane's in the passenger seat. Ferris is driving and - Cameron is crammed in the back. - - SLOANE - What's next. - - CAMERON - Nothing. We return the car. - - SLOANE - We could go to my house. My parents - aren't coming home until late. - - FERRIS - We have enough cash left for a quick - flight to Peoria and back. - - CAMERON - Very funny. - - Ferris looks in the mirror and changes lanes. He glances - down at the speedometer, then to the road. And back to the - speedometer. - - FERRIS - Cameron? How many miles did you - say this thing had when we left? - - CAMERON - One hundred and twenty six and - halfway between three and four - tenths. Why? How many miles are - on it now? - - He glances down at the speedometer. - - CU. SPEEDOMETER - - The odometer reads 432.7. - - FERRIS - (to CAMERA) - Here's where Cameron goes berserk. - - EXT. TRAFFIC - - The Ferrari pulls up at a stop light. We HEAR A THUNDERING, - MUFFLED SCREAM. - - EXT. EXPRESSWAY - - The Ferrari is buzzing through traffic. - - INT. FERRARI - - Sloane turns in her seat and looks at Cameron. Her gesture - is one of genuine support. - - SLOANE - You okay? - - CU. CAMERON - - His eyes are frozen in a mindless, vacant stare. - - CU. FERRIS - - He looks at Sloane. He's concerned. - - FERRIS - Hey, Cameron. It's okay. We'll fix - it. - - CU. CAMERON - - He's still holding the stare. He starts to breathe heavily. - He's trembling. - - CU. SLOANE - - She whips around in the seat and grabs his arms. - - SLOANE - Cameron! Cut it out! What's - wrong?! Ferris! - - CU. FERRIS - - He shoots Sloane a look. - - FERRIS - Cameron, are you okay? It's - no problem, really. Your old - man won't know a thing. It's - completely fixable. - - INT. FERRARI - - Sloane fires an angry look at Ferris. - - SLOANE - Shut-up! It is a problem! For - him it's a problem. Nothing's - a problem for you. But it's - a problem for him! So, just - shut-up. - - She turns back to Cameron. - - SLOANE - What can I do, Cameron? - - CU. FERRIS - - Eyes front. He knows what he's doing. - -179 INT. FERRIS' HOUSE. FOYER 179 - - The doorbell rings. The Ferris' tape is activated. - - FERRIS VOICE - Who is it? - - We hear a MALE VOICE over the intercom. - - VOICE - Anybody home? - - FERRIS' VOICE - I'm sorry that I can't come to - the door right now... - - The tape continues as Jeanie hurtles down the stairs. - - JEANIE - I'm saved! Thank you, God! - Thank you, thank you, thank you! - - She jumps the last few stairs and slides to the front door. - She whips it open. - -180 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT DOOR 180 - - The door swings open. - - JEANIE - Thank...you... - - Her jaw goes slack. She blinks her eyes. - - HER POV - - The Delivery Man and a young ASSISTANT are standing at the - door with floral arrangements. Spread all around them are - more flowers. A sexy singing NURSE and a BALLOON MAN steps - up on the porch. - - NURSE - (sings) - WE HOPE YOU'RE FEELING BETTER - WE HOPE YOU'RE FELLING FIT - WE... - - The door slams shut. - -181 EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET 181 - - Rooney's walking down the street. A school bus is crawling - alongside him as kids hang out the windows. From inside we - hear SHOUTING and seventeen different SONGS PLAYING ON - BLASTERS. A top forty montage. - - KID - Hey, Mr. Rooney! What're you doing? - - Rooney doesn't respond. - - ANOTHER KID - Did you get in a fight? - - Rooney keep walking. The bus doors open. The DRIVER calls - out to him. - - DRIVER - You want a lift? - - Rooney takes a few more steps. He stops. The bus stops. - Rooney takes a deep breath. He climbs aboard the bus. - -182 INT. BUS 182 - - The bus is jammed with WONKS and WEINERETTES. The passengers - are silent as they watch Rooney shuffle down the aisle and - take an empty seat next to a skinny, myopic GIRL. - - CU. GIRL - - She looks at Rooney and smiles. She pushes her Coke bottle - glasses up on her nose. - - CU. ROONEY - - He looks vacantly at her. - - CU. GIRL - - She holds her smile. - - GIRL - I'll bet you never smelled a - real school bus before. - - CU. ROONEY - - He stares at her. - - CU. GIRL - - She holds up a candy package. - - GIRL - Gummi Bear? - - CU. ROONEY - - He stares at her. - - CU. GIRL - - She puts one in her mouth. - - GIRL - They've been in pocket. They're - real soft and warm. - - CU. BOY - - A rotund FRESHMAN BOY sitting across from Rooney is staring - at him. - - CU. ROONEY - - He looks across to the kid. - - CU. BOY - - He leans forward. - - FRESHMAN BOY - It's kind of like being in the - belly of the beast isn't it? - - CU. ROONEY - - He turns him eyes to the front. The bus jerks forward and - pulls away. - -183 EXT. BUS 183 - - It grinds through the gears as it heads down the quiet - street. The BLASTERS go back on, the SHOUTING RESUMES. - -184 EXT. PARK 184 - - Cameron's laying on a picnic table. Sloane's sitting beside - him on the table. She's stroking his hair. Ferris WALKS INTO - THE FOREGROUND. He addresses CAMERA. - - FERRIS - This may very well be for real. I - think Cameron might have blown a - micro-chip or two. He's always been - a little keyed-up. All I wanted to do - was give him a good day. We're - gonna graduate in a couple of months. - Then we have the summer. He'll work - and I'll work. And we'll see each - other at night and on the weekends - but then he'll go to one school and I'll - go to another. And basically that'll - be it. As much as we like each other, - the process of growing up will - separate us. - - He begins to walk. We follow him. - - FERRIS - Sloane's a bigger problem. She still - has another year of high school. How - do I deal with that? I was serious when - I said I'd marry her. I would. This isn't - just teenage infatuation. That's what my - parents call it. What do they call what they - have? If that's love, I'll take infatuation. - - CU. CAMERON - - His eyes are closed. Sloane's stroking his hair. - - FERRIS (VO) - Cameron's never been in love. At - least no one's ever been in love - with him. He's gonna marry the first - girl he lays. And she's gonna treat - him like shit because he's gonna - kiss her ass for giving him what he's - built-up in his mind as the end-all, - be-all of human existance. She won't - respect him because you can't respect - someone who kisses your ass. It just - doesn't work. - - CU. SLOANE - - She's studying Cameron's face. She looks away. - - SLOANE - Ferris? - - CU. FERRIS - - He looks to the picnic table. Then back to CAMERA. - - FERRIS - I'm being tested here. - - He starts back to the picnic table. - - FERRIS - My best friend has flipped-out. - Conventional wisdom would suggest - a visit to the nearest trauma - center. I wouldn't fault anybody - for doing that. My, personally, - I think this calls for something - new, something bold, something wet - and wild. - -185 CU. JACUZZI JET 185 - - UNDERWATER SHOT. A hyrdojet spews a gush of air bubbles. - - CU. BLASTER - - A finger pushes the PLAY button on the cassette. MUSIC COMES - UP. - - CU. BEER CAN LID - - The finger pops a beer. - - CU. OREO PACKAGE - - A painted fingernail pierces the cellophane wrapper. - - INT. JACUZZI - - Ferris and Sloane are in Sloane's parents' Jacuzzi. Their - clothes are tosssed around the deck. Cameron's been placed - in a patio chair at the edge of the Jacuzzi. He's still - catatonic. He's mummbling softly. Ferris is drinking a beer. - Sloane's eating Oreos. - - FERRIS - You feeling any better, Cameron? - - SLOANE - The water's really nice. I wish - you'd come in. - - CU. CAMERON - - Staring into space. - - CAMERON - Surgery...fire...move... - - CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS - - They look at each other. She offers him a cookie. He offers - her his beer. - - FERRIS - Cameron? Do you think this because - of the car or is it a combination - of everything shitty in your life? - - CU. CAMERON - - He doesn't respond. - - CAMERON - Music...kiss...attack... - - CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS - - Sloane sips the beer. - - FERRIS - You just can't deal with anymore - shit? The car took you into the - red zone? Time for a reality check? - - SLOANE - Cameron? I could flip real easy, too. - There's nothing wrong with it. At one - time or another, everybody goes to - the zoo. - - FERRIS - Maybe he was actually sick. Maybe - he wasn't bullshitting himself. - - CU. CAMERON - - No response. - - CAMERON - Gesundheit...God...mercy... - - EXT. BACKYARD - - Ferris and Sloane watch their catatonic friend. - - CU. CAMERON - - He smiles. - - CU. SLOANE - - She leans forward and stares at Cameron. - - CU. FERRIS - - He cocks his head, wondering what Cameron's up to. - - CU. CAMERON - - He keels over forward. - - EXT. BACKYARD - - Cameron falls out of the chair and splashes down, - face-first, into the water. Sloane screams. Ferris leaps for - him. - - UNDERWATER - - Ferris struggles with Cameron's lifeless bulk. - - CU. SLOANE - - She's screaming. Ferris thrashes around in the water. - - UNDERWATER - - Ferris grabs Cameron's collar and rips him out of the water. - - EXT. BACKYARD - - Ferris sits Cameron on the edge of the Jacuzzi. - - FERRIS - CAMERON! - - CU. CAMERON - - His eyes are closed. He's lifeless. - - CU. FERRIS - - His face is a mask of terror. He shakes Cameron. - - CU. SLOANE - - She's screaming. - - CU. CAMERON - - A smile spreads across his face. - - CU. FERRIS - - He sees the smile. He stops shaking Cameron. - - EXT. JACUZZI - - Ferris and Cameron are looking at each other. Sloane's still - screaming. She realizes that Cameron's okay. She stops - screaming. - - SLOANE - What? - - FERRIS - (Cameron) - You asshole! - - Cameron's smiling. - - SLOANE - What? - - Ferris starts to laugh. Cameron explodes with laughter. - Sloane's bewildered. - - SLOANE - What's so funny? - -186 INT. POLICE STATION. WAITING ROOM 186 - - Jeanie's sitting on a wooden bench with a WASTED TEENAGE BOY - in a Triumph t-shirt, long hair, torn jeans, creepers, studs - and chains. He's studying her. - - BOY - Drugs? - - JEANIE - No, thank you. I'm straight. - - BOY - I meant, are you here for drugs? - - Jeanie stares at him. - - JEANIE - Why are you here? - - BOY - Drugs. - - JEANIE - I don't know why I'm here. - - BOY - Then why don't you go home? - - JEANIE - Why don't you put your thumb - up your butt? - - The boy stares at her. - - BOY - You want to talk about your problem? - - JEANIE - With you? Are you serious? - - BOY - Yeah, I'm serious. - - JEANIE - Blow yourself. - - Jeanie turns away. The boy crosses his legs. Jeanie looks - back at him. - - JEANIE - You really want to know what's wrong? - - The boy shrugs. - - JEANIE - Alright. If you've got the time, - I've got the troubles. In a nutshell, - I hate my brother. How's that? - - BOY - That's cool. Did you shoot him or - something? - - JEANIE - No, not yet. - - The boy nods. He understands the emotion. - - JEANIE - I went home to confirm that the - shithead was ditching school and - a guy broke into the house and I - called the cops and they picked me - up for making a phoney phone call. - - BOY - What do you care if your brother - ditches school? - - Jeanie stares at the boy. - - JEANIE - Why should he get to ditch school - when everybody else has to go? - - BOY - You could ditch. - - JEANIE - I'd get caught. - - BOY - So, you're pissed at him because - he ditches and doesn't get caught? - - JEANIE - Basically. - - The boy nods knowingly. - - BOY - Then your problem is you. - - JEANIE - Excuse me? - - BOY - Excuse you. You oughta spend a little - more time dealing with yourself and - a little less time worrying about - what your brother does. It's just - an opinion. - - Jeanie stares angrily at him. Partly because he's so bold - and partly because he's so right. - - BOY - There's somebody you should talk - to. - - Jeanie stares at him threateningly. - - JEANIE - If you say Ferris Bueller, you lose - a testicle. - - BOY - You know him? - - CU. JEANIE'S HAND - - It curls into a fist. - -187 CU. FERRARI TIRE 187 - - It's spinning rapidly. - - CY. ACCELERATOR - - A brick's resting on the accelerator, holding it down. - - INT. CAMERON'S GARAGE - - Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the garage. The - Ferrari is jacked up. The wheels are turning. The engine's - racing. - - CAMERON - The whole time I was just thinking - things over. I was like, meditating. - I was thinking about the future. - And I realized it doesn't make - and difference if the present - goes to shit. - - FERRIS - I have a agree with you there. - - SLOANE - Really. - - CAMERON - I've been thinking all day that if - you could only have the use of one - word, what would it be? - - FERRIS - Sloane is naked before your eyes and - you're thinking about words? - - SLOANE - God bless you, Cameron. - - CAMERON - Thank you, Sloane. - - CAMERON - If you guys only had one word, what - would it be? - - FERRIS - I can't believe you'd think up something - like with a naked girl in a jacuzzi - right in front of you. - - SLOANE - Come on, Ferris, answer his question. - - FERRIS - Bathroom. - - SLOANE - I'd say... - - She thinks. - - FERRIS - Cash. - - CAMERON - It's the only word you could - ever use. - - FERRIS - Hello. - - SLOANE - Love. - - FERRIS - And what is you loathe somebody? - Are you going to say "love" every - time you see them? - - SLOANE - It's better than "hello". - - FERRIS - Hellos' generic. - - SLOANE - You wanna be generic? - - CAMERON - It's help. - - Cameron smiles at his wisdom. Ferris and Sloane think about - it. It's a good choice. Cameron gets up and walks to the - Ferrari. - - CAMERON - The word is help. - - Cameron peeks in the window. - - CU. ODOMETER - - Nothing's happening. - - INT. GARAGE - - Cameron pulls his head out of the car. - - CAMERON - Ferris? It's not working. - - Ferris looks up. - - CAMERON - The miles aren't coming off, running - it in reverse. - - FERRIS - I thought that might be a problem. - Let's crack open the odometer and - roll it back by hand. - - Cameron shakes his head. - - CAMERON - I got a better idea. It's cool. - - He walks back around behind the Ferrari. - - CAMERON - Seventeen years and I've never - taken a stand. Now, I'm gonna - do it. I'm taking a stand against - my father, against my family, - against myself, against my past, - my present and my future. I will - not sit idly by as events that affect - me unfold to change the course of - my life. I will take a stand and I - will defend it. When my father comes - home tonight, he's finally going - to have to deal with me. Good or - bad, I'm taking a stand. - - CU. FERRIS - - He turns to CAMERA. - - FERRIS - This is a big U-2 fan. - - CU. SLOANE - - She smiles proudly at Cameron. She applauds him. - - CU. CAMERON - - He's serious and determined. He has made up his mind and it - appears that it won't be changed by anyone but himself. - - CU. TIRES - - It's spinning wildly. - - CU. MERCEDES BUMPER - - Cameron's foot rests on the bumper. A beat and it gives a - mighty shove. - - CU. TIRE - - The spinning tires slam down on the cement. - - INT. GARAGE - - Cameron has kicked the Ferrari off the jack. It squeals out - of the garage in a cloud of blue tire smoke. A $50,000 - unmanned investment heading backwards down a driveway. - - CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS - - They're in shock. - - EXT. HOUSE - - The Ferrari shoots down the driveway. - - INT. GARAGE - - Cameron watches the car go. He's strangely placcid about the - impending disaster. Ferris and Sloane are bewildered. - - THEIR POV - - The Ferrari travels down the driveway, across the street, - over the curb into the wooded property opposite the house. - - CU. TREE - - The Ferrari's brief journey ends as it smacks a tree trunk. - - INT. GARAGE - - Ferris and Sloane exchange baffled looks. They look at - Cameron. He's proud and bold. - - FERRIS - What was that about? - - SLOANE - This has to be a dream. - - FERRIS - Cameron? One quick question. - Why'd you do that? - - Cameron holds his proud posture for a beat. Then a look of - bewilderment comes over his face. He shoots a look to - Ferris. A puzzled look. - - FERRIS - You trashed the car. - - Cameron looks across the street. - - SLOANE - Why? - - CAMERON - I took a stand. - - FERRIS - No, Cameron. You wrecked a car. - - Cameron thinks for a moment. Then he regains his confidence. - - CAMERON - It's okay. - - Ferris looks across the street at the car. - - FERRIS - I have an idea. If you're interested. - - Cameron looks at him. He shakes his head. - - CAMERON - I'm gonna handle it. - - FERRIS - I think this could work. - - CAMERON - No, thanks. I want to deal with - it by myself. - - SLOANE - What about your one word? - - CAMERON - You already did it. If I need it - again, I'll use it. - - He smiles. He raises am impish eyebrow. - - CAMERON - It's cool. I'm loose. - -188 INT. POLICE STATION. OFFICE 188 - - Joyce is talking with the juvenile officer. Outside the - office, on the bench, we see Jeanie and the boy making out. - - JOYCE - She's never been in trouble before. - This is a shock to me. First, I - don't know why she wasn't at school. - Second, I don't know why she'd call - you with this story about a rapist. - - OFFICER - For whatever reasons she did it, - I think she'd had a good scare. - - JOYCE - I hope so. I appreciate your calling - me. I can assure you that her father - and I will have a long talk with her. - - The gathers her purse and jacket and stands. - - JOYCE - Thank you. - - OFFICER - Oh, by the way, I hope you son's - feeling better. - - Joyce looks at the officer curiously. - - OFFICER - Tell him, all the guys at the - station here are pulling for - him. - -189 INT. POLICE STATION. WAITING ROOM 189 - - Jeanie quickly breaks the embrace with the boy as Joyce - steps out of the juvenile officer's room. She's still a - little bewildered that everybody knows Ferris was ill. - Jeanie wipes her lips and sits up straight. The boy adjusts - his pants to better hide his passion. - - JEANIE - (to the boy) - If you keep this to yourself, I - think we can probably get it on - pretty good. - - BOY - For sure. - - Jeanie stands up. - - JEANIE - Hi. - - JOYCE - Don't "hi" me, young lady. Get - your stuff. - - Jeanie reaches down for her purse. - - BOY - What's your name? - - JEANIE - Jean. What's yours? - - BOY - Garth Volbeck. - -190 EXT. SLOANE'S BACKYARD 190 - - Sloane and Ferris are standing at the back fence. - - SLOANE - I had a great time today. - - FERRIS - Yeah. It was pretty cool. - - SLOANE - You think Cameron's gonna be - alright? - - FERRIS - Sure. He had to so it, I guess. - His old man had it coming. He'll - be okay. I'd be worried if he'd - taken my idea. - - Sloane smiles knowingly. - - SLOANE - You didn't have an idea, did you? - - FERRIS - Not a glimmer. - - SLOANE - You're so smart. - - FERRIS - No. I'm just real loose. - - He kisses her. - - FERRIS - I'll call you tonight. - - Sloane nods. Ferris jumps the fence and takes off across the - backyards. Sloane watches him go. A huge smile spreads - across her face. - - SLOANE - I LOVE YOU! - - She backs away from the fence. MUSIC FADES UP. - - SLOANE - He's gonna marry me. I know it. - - She turns and runs into the house. - -191 EXT. BACKYARD 191 - - Ferris sprints across a backyard. He jumps a plaster elf. - -192 EXT. ANOTHER BACKYARD 192 - - Ferris vaults a fence. He runs directly for a swimming pool. - He's approaching it from the side. He leaps, hits the diving - board, springs off, does a flip and lands on the grass on - the other side of the pool. - -193 CU. BEDSPREAD 193 - - Neatly bundles stacks of bills and rolled coins. A - significant amount of cash. - - CU. SLOANE - - She's writing. - - CU. PIECE OF PAPER - - We see a portion of the typewritten letter as she signs it. - - "...in the amount of $1,765.33. It - gives us great pleasure to assist - you in performance of your worthy - and much needed survives to those - so desperately in need. - - Sincerely, - - Sloane Peterson - Executive Director - The Ferris Bueller Foundation" - -194 EXT. FERRIS' STREET 194 - - He's running down the middle of the street. A car honks. - Ferris moves to the side. The car pulls around him. - - INT. CAR. - - Tom's at the wheel. He glances in the mirror. He does a - take. - - HIS POV. MIRROR - - We see Ferris cut across a front lawn and into a house. - - CU. TOM - - He realizes it couldn't be Ferris. - -195 INT. HOUSE 195 - - Ferris runs through the kitchen, past a WOMAN, fixing dinner - and out her backdoor. The Woman looks up curiously. - -196 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 196 - - Tom pulls in the driveway. He parks and gets out. Joyce - pulls in from the other direction. - -197 EXT. HOUSE. BACK PORCH 197 - - Ferris tries the door. It's locked. He reaches down and - lifts the doormat. - - CU. PORCH - - The outline of a key in the dirt under the mat. The key's - gone. The toe of a chewed-up dress shoe steps INTO FRAME. An - OMNIOUS CHORD IS STRUCK. - - CU. FERRIS - - He stares up in horror. - - HIS POV - - Rooney's looking down at him. He's holding the house key. - - EXT. PORCH - - Ferris stands up. He smiles. - - ROONEY - Looking for this? - - FERRIS - Yes. - - ROONEY - I got you, Ferris. This time I finally - got you. - - Ferris is caught. There's no way out. Rooney gloats - severely. - - ROONEY - How does another year of high - school sit with you? - - Suddenly, the backdoor opens. Jeanie looks out. She feigns - joy and relief. She rushes Ferris and hugs him. - - JEANIE - Thank God, you're alright! We've - been worried sick! - - CU. FERRIS - - A moment of curiosity. Then it dawns on him what's - happening. He smiles. - - CU. ROONEY - - His eyes dart from Ferris to Jeanie to Ferris. His victory - is evaporating. - - EXT. PORCH - - Jeanie breaks the embrace. - - JEANIE - (to Rooney) - Thank you for bringing him home, - Mr. Rooney. - (to Ferris) - You better get up in bed tight - now. - - Ferris limps into the house. - - JEANIE - Can you imagine someone as sick as - Ferris trying to walk home from the - hospital? - (shakes her head) - Kids! - - CU. ROONEY - - He's dumbfounded. - - CU. JEANIE - - She raises her hands and strikes a karate pose. A huge smile - passes over her face. - - CU. ROONEY - - A look of terror as he realizes that is was Jeanie who - kicked him and that Jeanie knows it was he who she kicked. - - EXT. PORCH - - Jeanie steps into the house. - -198 INT. HOUSE 198 - - The door closes on Rooney's defeated, lost, dejected, - bewildered face. Not only has he lost Ferris again, he has - Jeanie to deal with next year. - -199 EXT. YARD. CU. DOG 199 - - The click of the door wakes him up. His head pops up off the - grass. - - CU. ROONEY - - He senses new danger. We hear AN O.C. GROWL. Rooney squeezes - his eyes shut. - -200 INT. KITCHEN 200 - - Kimberly and Todd are sitting at the kitchen table watching - TV and eating cereal. They look up at Ferris as he comes in - from outside. - - TODD - Ferris? Does my head look like - it's getting bigger? - - Ferris leans against the counter as he tries to catch his - breath. He looks at his little brother. - - FERRIS - No, but Kimberly's is. - - He crosses to the refrigerator and opens it. Kimberly feels - her head. - - KIMBERLY - (to Todd) - Is he serious? - - TODD - I think so. - - KIMBERLY - Oh, shit! - - Ferris takes out a bottle of orange juice out of the - refrigerator and drinks straight from the bottle. Jeanie - comes in. - - FERRIS - Thanks, Jeanie. - - JEANIE - No problem. - - FERRIS - By the way, I borrowed some cash - from you. I'll pay you back. - - JEANIE - You don't have to. - - FERRIS - I want to. - - JEANIE - You don't have to. I've been ripping - off your wallet for years. - - Ferris gives her a proud smile. - -201 EXT. HOUSE 201 - - Joyce and Tom head up to the kitchen. - -202 INT. KITCHEN 202 - - Ferris and Jeanie exit the kitchen as Joyce and Tom enter. - - JOYCE - (to Todd and Kimberly) - Hi, guys. - - KIMBERLY - Is my head swelling up? - -203 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 203 - - The foyer is jammed with floral arrangements, plants and - gifts. Ferris and Jeanie step gingerly through the flowers - and head upstairs. - - JEANIE - I'm sorry I've been riding your - buns for so long. - - FERRIS - It's completely cool. - - JOYCE (OC) - Ferris! - - Ferris continues up the stairs. He affects a sickly voice. - - FERRIS - Upstairs, Mom! - -204 INT. SECOND FLOOR LANDING 204 - - Ferris and Jeanie stop. - - JEANIE - Do you know a guy named Garth - Volbeck? - - FERRIS - Vaguely. - - JEANIE - Is he cool? - - FERRIS - He's cool. But stay away from his - brother. - - Ferris walks into the room, brushes the crumbs off his hands - and peels off his shirt. He climbs into bed. No sooner are - the covers over him than the bedroom door opens and Joyce - and Tom walk in. They walk over to the bed. Joyce sits down. - - JOYCE - Honey? - - CU. FERRIS - - The same deathly face he had in the morning. Tongue out, - eyes bulging. - - TOM (OC) - Ferris? How do you feel? - - He pulls in his tongue to speak. - - FERRIS - (deathly gasp) - 150% better, thank you. - -205 INT. BEDROOM 205 - - Tom and Joyce hover over him with deep concern. - - FERRIS - I'm much better, really. Please, - don't make me stay home again. I - want to go to school. I'm graduating - in June and I... - - TOM - Ferris. You're sick. There's no point - pushing yourself and making it worse. - - FERRIS - Maybe you're right, Dad. - - TOM - I know I'm right. - - Joyce leans over and kisses him forehead. - - JOYCE - How did you get so sweet? - - FERRIS - Years of practice. - - Tom pats Ferris on the rump. He and Joyce exit. - - CU. FERRIS - - The hideous face. A beat and we HEAR THE BEDROOM DOOR CLOSE. - Ferris looks at CAMERA. - - FERRIS - (happy sigh) - Yeah, life is a carousel. A - great big crazy ball of pure - living, breathing joy and delight. - - He rolls over on his back and puts his hands behind his - head. - - FERRIS - You gotta get one. - - He smiles. - - MUSIC UP BIG - - END TITLES - - THE END -`).then(e => console.log(`Código finalizado, ${e} mensagens enviadas`)).catch(console.error) From 64871462618b314b15f3a377c1e3351f4c894de4 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: peixotmarc <48831018+peixotmarc@users.noreply.github.com> Date: Fri, 20 Oct 2023 14:07:53 +0100 Subject: [PATCH 7/9] Create FerrisBuellerDayOffSendScript.js --- FerrisBuellerDayOffSendScript.js | 6887 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 1 file changed, 6887 insertions(+) create mode 100644 FerrisBuellerDayOffSendScript.js diff --git a/FerrisBuellerDayOffSendScript.js b/FerrisBuellerDayOffSendScript.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c7656b0 --- /dev/null +++ b/FerrisBuellerDayOffSendScript.js @@ -0,0 +1,6887 @@ +async function enviarScript(scriptText){ + const lines = scriptText.split(/[\n\t]+/).map(line => line.trim()).filter(line => line); + main = document.querySelector("#main"), + textarea = main.querySelector(`div[contenteditable="true"]`) + + if(!textarea) throw new Error("Não há uma conversa aberta") + + for(const line of lines){ + console.log(line) + + textarea.focus(); + document.execCommand('insertText', false, line); + textarea.dispatchEvent(new Event('change', {bubbles: true})); + + setTimeout(() => { + (main.querySelector(`[data-testid="send"]`) || main.querySelector(`[data-icon="send"]`)).click(); + }, 100); + + if(lines.indexOf(line) !== lines.length - 1) await new Promise(resolve => setTimeout(resolve, 250)); + } + + return lines.length; +} + +enviarScript(` + "FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF" + + by + + John Hughes + + SHOOTING SCRIPT + July 24, 1985 + + + "FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF" + + 1 BLACK SCREEN 1 + + MAIN TITLES + + IT'S SILENT. A BEAT...AND AN EXPLOSION OF SOUND. A HOUSEHOLD + IN THE MORNING. KIDS GETTING READY FOR SCHOOL. CLOCK RADIOS. + KITCHEN APPLIANCES. SHOWERS. FIGHTING. PEOPLE YELLING. DOG + BARKING. APPLIANCES BUZZING. CAR HORNS. IT SOUNDS JUST LIKE + YOUR HOUSE DID. STREAMS OF ROCK'N ROLL FADE IN AND OUT. HUEY + LEWIS TO LIONEL RITCHIE TO HUSKER DU. SURROUND MAKES IT FEEL + LIKE YOU'RE IN THE ROOM. AN AURAL TOUR OF A HOUSE ON A + SCHOOL MORNING. BEGINING IN THE KITCHEN AND MOVING UPSTAIRS. + + FATHER'S VOICE (TOM) + Where's my wallet?! + + SEVEN YEAR OLD BOY (TODD) + YOU IDIOT!! + + TWELVE YEAR OLD GIRL (KIMBERLY) + MOM! + + TODD + SHUT-UP! + + EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL (JEANIE) + I NEED A TOWEL!! + + TOM + JOYCE! + + KIMBERLY + (whispers, sadistic) + When you turn ten, your head's going + to swell up real big like a watermelon + and we're going to have to put you + to sleep like they do with a dog. + + TODD + MOM! + + TOM + JOYCE!! + + JEANIE + WHO PISSED ON THE TOILET SEAT!? MOTHER!! + + TOM + Where's Mom? + + TODD + Is my head going to swell up? + + TOM + What?! + + JEANIE + OH, MY GOD! THE TOILET PAPER'S ALL WET!!! + + MOTHER (JOYCE) + (screams) + TOM! + + The house falls dead SILENT. We hear footsteps thundering + through the house. A TENSE STRAIN OF MUSIC FADES UP. + + TODD + What's that? + + KIMBERLY + Wait! Hold still! + + TODD + What?! + + KIMBERLY + You heads starting to swell up!! + + Todd screams. We hear the sound of Tom's footsteps running + through the kitchen, down the hall, up the stairs, up the + hallway. A door open. + + TOM + (breathless) + What's the matter? + + JOYCE + (worried) + It's Ferris! + + TOM + What's wrong? + + JOYCE + (snaps) + What's wrong? For Christ's sake! + Look at him! + + 2 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS 2 + + An eighteen year-old boy. He's staring lifelessly at CAMERA. + His mouth's open. His eyes are bugged-out. His tongue is fat + and dry in his mouth. He's laying in bed, on his side. + + 3 INT. BOY'S BEDROOM 3 + + Ferris' parents, TOM and JOYCE BUELLER are standing at + bedside. They're in their late forties, early fifties. + Handsome, upper-middle class parents. They're both dressed + for work. + + TOM + Ferris? + + JOYCE + He doesn't have a fever. But he says + his stomach hurts and he's seeing spots. + + 4 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS 4 + + His lifeless eyes blink. + + 5 INT. BEDROOM. PARENTS 5 + + Tom bends down and touches Ferris' forehead. + + TOM + What's the matter, Ferris? + + JOYCE + Feel his hands. They're cold and clammy. + + Tom takes one of Ferris' hands. + + TOM + (discreetly) + Should you call the doctor? + + JOYCE + (whispers) + He doesn't want me to. + + TOM + Why don't you want Mom to call + the doctor? + + Ferris exhales loudly. He tries to speak but all he can + manage is a choked gasp. + + TOM + What? + + Ferris tries again. + + FERRIS + (raspy) + Don't make a fuss. I'm fine. I'll get up. + + He starts to get up. Joyce gently pushes him back down. + + FERRIS + I have a test today. I have to take it. + I want to get into a good college + so I can have a fruitful life... + + JOYCE + You're not going to school like + this. + (to Tom) + Maybe I should call the office and + tell them I won't be in. + + FERRIS + I'm okay, Mom. I feel perfectly...Oh, God! + + He's gripped by a seizure. His body stiffens and he chokes. + His older sister, JEANIE, walks into the room. She's dressed + for school. She's cute and stuck-up. A major pill. + + JEAN + Oh, fine. What's this? What's his problem? + + JOYCE + He doesn't feel well. + + JEAN + Yeah, right. Dry that one out + and you can fertilize the lawn. + + TOM + That's enough, Jeanie. + + JEANIE + You're not falling for this, are you? + Tell me you're not falling for this. + + FERRIS + Is that Jeanie? I can't see that + far. Jeanie? + + JEANIE + Pucker up and squat, Ferris. + + JOYCE + (annoyed) + Thank you, Jeanie. Get to school. + + JEANIE + (angry, defeated) + You're really letting him stay home? + I can't believe this. If I was bleeding + out my eyes, you guys'd make me go to + school. It's so unfair. + + FERRIS + Please don't be upset with me, Jeanie. + Be thankful that you're fit and have + your health. Cherish it. + + JEANIE + (to herself) + Oh, I wanna puke. + + She glares at Ferris. Her eyes are mascara and vengence. She + slips out of the room. Ferris' brother, TODD and sister, + KIMBERLY peek into the room. + + KIMBERLY + Myocardial infarction? + + JOYCE + Get your stuff. Daddy'll be right + down. + + KIMBERLY + Syphilitic meningitus? That would be + a huge family embarrassment. + + TOM + Get downstairs! + + KIMBERLY + If he dies, I got dibs on his stereo. + + She turns sharply and exits. + + TODD + (worried) + Dad? Does my head look alright? + + JOYCE + Get downstairs! Now! + + TODD + Just answer me one question! Is it + swelling up? Kim said it was going + to get as big as... + + KIMBERLY (OC) + A WATERMELON! + + TODD + (yells out the room) + Shut-up! + + JOYCE + Get downstairs! NOW! + + Todd backs out of the room. + + FERRIS + I'll be okay. I'll just sleep. + Maybe I'll have an aspirin around + noon. + + JOYCE + (to Ferris) + I'm showing houses to the family + from California today but I'll be in + the area. My office'll know where + I am, if you need me. + + TOM + I'll check it with you, too. + + FERRIS + It's nice to know I have such + loving, caring parents. You're + both very special people. + + 6 CU. FERRIS 6 + + He acknowledges Tom with a pathetic flutter of his eyelids. + + 7 INT. BEDROOM. JOYCE 7 + + She strokes Ferris' hair. + + JOYCE + I hope you feel better, pumpkin. + + She leans down and kisses his forehead. Tom pats his + shoulder. + + TOM + Get some rest. + + 8 CU. FERRIS 8 + + Ferris lets out a wheeze. His glassy eyes follow his parents + to the door. + + JOYCE (OC) + We love you, sweetie. + + TOM (OC) + Call if you need us. + + They close the door. The lock clicks. Ferris' eyes shift + from the door to CAMERA. A sly, little smile crawls across + his lips. + + FERRIS + They bought it. + + The MTV theme music ROARS IN. + + 9 CU. TV SCREEN 9 + + The TV at the foot of Ferris' bed. The MTV logo is playing. + + 10 INT. BEDROOM 10 + + Ferris yanks open the drapes. The pall of the sickroom + disappears in the brilliant glow of morning sunlight. + + FERRIS + Incredible! One of the worst performances + of my career and they never doubted it + for a second. + (looks out the window) + What a beautiful day! + + He turns from the window. + + FERRIS + Parents always fall for the clammy hands. + It's physical evidence of illness. It's + a good, non-specific symptom. Parents are + generally pretty hip to the fever scams. + And to make them work you have to go a hundred + and one, hundred and two. You get a nervous + mother and you end up in a doctor's office + and that's worse than school. + + He flips on his stereo and fills the room with the MTV + broadcast. A NEW SONG begins. + + FERRIS + Fake a stomach cramp and when you're + doubled over, moaning and wailing, just + lick your palms. It's a little stupid + and childish but then so if high school. + Right? + + He equalizes the sound a little. + + FERRIS + This is my ninth sick day with semester. + If I go for ten, I'm probably going to + have to barf up a lung. So, I absolutely + must make this one count. + + He exits into the hallway. + + 11 INT. BATHROOM 11 + + Ferris walks into the bathroom. It's littered with Jean's + debris. He turns on the shower water. + + FERRIS + I don't care if you're fifty five + or seven, everybody needs a day off + now and then. It's a beautiful day. + How can I be expected to handle + high school? + + He bends down OUT OF FRAME as he loses his briefs. He pops + up. + + FERRIS + I do actually have a test. That wasn't + bullshit. + + He steps into the shower. Through the pebbled glass of the + shower door we see Ferris' outline. + + FERRIS + That I care about it was. + + 12 INT. BATHROOM. SHOWER STALL. 12 + + Inside the shower. Ferris' hair is standing straight up. + It's moulded into a fin with shampoo. + + FERRIS + It's on European socialism. I mean, + really. What's the point? I'm not + European. I don't plan to be European. + So, who gives a shit if they're socialists? + They could be fascist anarchists and it + still wouldn't change the fact that I + don't own a car. + + He turns the shower head around and uses it like a + microphone. + + FERRIS + (sings) + WELL SHAKE IT UP, BABY, + TWIST AND SHOUT... + + 13 INT. HALLWAY. LATER 13 + + Ferris comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around + his waist. He's drying his hair with another of a different + color. + + FERRIS + Not that I condone fascism. Or + and "isms". "Isms", in my opinion + are not good. A person should not + believe in an "ism". He should + believe in himself. John Lennon + said it on his first solo album. + "I don't believe in Beatles, I + just believe in me." A good point + there. Afterall, he was the Walrus. + + He opens a linen closet and tosses the towel in it. + + FERRIS + I could be the Walrus and I'd still + have to bum rides off people. + + He passes CAMERA and goes into his room. + + FERRIS (OC) + I'm not very political? Let me + put that into perspective... + + 14 INT. BEDROOM 14 + + Ferris tosses the towel he's dried hair with on the bed. + + FERRIS + My uncle went to Canada to protest + the war, right? On the Fourth of + July he was down with my aunt and he + got drunk and told my Dad he felt + guilty he didn't fight in Viet Nam. + So I said, "What's the deal, Uncle + Jeff? In wartime you want to be a + pacifist and in peacetime you want + to be a soldier. It took you twenty + years to find out you don't believe + in anything?" + (snaps his fingers) + Grounded. Just like that. Two weeks. + (pause) + Be careful when you deal with old + hippies. They can be real touchy. + + He opens his door. + + 15 INT. CLOSET 15 + + The door opens and Ferris rifles through his shirts. + + FERRIS + My mother was a hippie. But she + lost it. She got old. If she listens + to the White Album now? She doesn't hear + music, she hears memories. Nostalgia is + her favorite drug. It'll probably be + mine, too. I hope not. + + He finds a shirt he likes. He steps back from the closet and + puts it on. He drops the towel. + + 16 INT. BEDROOM 16 + + He walks across the room to his dresser. He opens his + underwear drawer. There's an old model of a submarine on the + top of the dresser. He picks it up. + + FERRIS + In eighth grade a friend of mine + made a bong out of one of these. + The smoke tasted like glue. + + He pulls out a pair of underwear. He gets dressed as he + speaks. + + FERRIS + His name is Garth Volbeck. He's a + serious outsider. Not a bad guy, I + like him. I'm probably his only friend. + I do what I can for him. I mean, if + I was him, I'd appreciate it. Do unto others, + right? Anyway, his mother owns a gas station. + His father's dead and his sister's rumored + to be a prostitute, which is complete bullshit. + She only puts out so people will hang out + with her. It's sad but I don't hold it + against her. Better to hold it against the + guys who use her and don't care about her. + (pause) + My parents never allowed Garth over here. + It was because of his family. Mainly his + older brother. He's in jail. I could see them + not wanting his brother here because he is + a registered psycho. I wouldn't want him here. + I once watched the guy eat a whole bowl of + artificial fruit just so he could see what + it was like to have his stomach pumped. + But Garth isn't his brother. It isn't his fault + that his brother's screwed-up. Alot of fights + with the parents on that point. I always felt + for Garth. I was sleeping at his house once + and I was laying on the dark worrying that + his brother was going to come in and hack me + to death with an ax and I heard Garth crying. + I asked him what was wrong and he said, "Nothing". + ... Nothing was wrong. There was no + specific thing he was crying about. + In fact, he wasn't really even aware that + he was crying. He just cried himself to + sleep every night. It was a habit. The + guy's so conditioned to grief that if + he doesn't feel it, he can't sleep. How + could you possibly dump on guy who has to + deal with that kinda shit? My parents + acknowledge the trudge of the situation + and I'm sure that deep down, they do feel + for him but still the guy's banned from + our house. + + He looks at himself in the mirror on the back of his closet + door. He doesn't like what he's wearing. He continues his + speech as he disrobes. + + FERRIS + Unfortunately, now my parents have a + legit argument. Garth doesn't need his + brother to give him a rep anymore. He's + getting one on his own. He's lost. It's + over for him. He's eighteen. Gone from + school. Gone from life. His legacy is + a gas station. + + 17 INT. HOUSE. STAIRCASE 17 + + Ferris comes down the stairs. He's wearing a completely + different outfit. + + FERRIS + One very serious danger is playing + sick is that it's possible to believe + your own act. + + 18 INT. KITCHEN 18 + + Ferris comes into the kitchen and crosses to the + refrigerator. + + FERRIS + That and boredom. Alot of people + ditch and feel great for about an + hour. Then they realize there's + nothing to do. TV and food. I myself + have ditched and gotten so bored I + did homework. Figure that shit out. + + He takes a sip out of a bottle of orange juice. + + FERRIS + You have to plan things out before + you take the day off. Otherwise + you get all nervous worrying about + what to do and all you get is grief + and the whole point is to take it + easy, cut loose and enjoy. + + He crosses to the pantry. + + FERRIS + You blow your day and at about three + o'clock, when everybody's out of school, + you're going to wish you'd gone to + school so you could be out having + fun. + + He emerges from the pantry with a handful of Oreos. + + FERRIS + Avoid the misery. Plan your day. + Do it right. + + 19 INT. FAMILY ROOM 19 + + Ferris walks in and flops down in an armchair. + + FERRIS + There's alot of pressure at work + in my age group. And it's not always + recognized. + + He reaches over and picks up the telephone. He sets it in + his lap. + + FERRIS + Some guy whose hair is falling out + and his stomach's hanging over his + belt and everything he eats makes + him fart, he looks at someone like + me and thinks, "This kid's young and + strong and has a full, rich future ahead + of him, what's he got to bitch about?" + + 20 CU. PHONE 20 + + He punches out a number. + + 21 INT. FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS 21 + + He remote controls the TV on. + + FERRIS + That's just one reason why I need a + day off every now and then. + + 22 EXT. ANOTHER HOUSE 22 + + A sleek, modern house on a couple of deeply wooded acres. A + prime house in a prime location. A telephone rings OVER. + + 23 INT. BOY'S BEDROOM 23 + + It's a dark, dreary sick room. Shades drawn, floor strewn + with used tissues, nightstand a still-life of over the + counter remedies. A high school boy, CAMERON FRYE, is laying + in bed. We don't see his face, only a silhouette with a + thermometer sticking out his mouth. U2's SUNDAY BLOODY + SUNDAY is playing. He's mumbling random words. + + CAMERON + Food...shelter...no...yes... + + The phone rings. His hand reaches back and hits the speaker + phone button. + + CAMERON + (weak) + Hello? + + FERRIS' VOICE + Cameron! What's happening? + + CAMERON + Very little. + + FERRIS' VOICE + How do you feel? + + CAMERON + Shredded. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Is your mother in the room? + + Cameron takes the thermometer out of his mouth. + + CAMERON + She's not home. Where are you? + + FERRIS' VOICE + Home. + + 24 INT. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS 24 + + Ferris is sprawled out in the chair. + + FERRIS + I'm taking the day off. Get + dressed and come over. + + CAMERON'S VOICE + I can't. I'm sick. + + FERRIS + It's all in your head. Come on over. + + 25 INT. CAMERON'S ROOM 25 + + Cameron's insistant. + + CAMERON + I feel like complete shit, Ferris. + I can't go anywhere. + + FERRIS' VOICE + I'm sorry to hear that. Now, come + on over and pick me up. + + Ferris disconnects. Cameron slowly hangs up the phone. + + CAMERON + I'm dying. + + The phone rings again. Cameron hits the speaker button. + + FERRIS' VOICE + You're not dying. You just can't think + of anything good to do. + + 26 INT. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM 26 + + Ferris hangs up. + + FERRIS + If anybody needs a day off, it's + Cameron. He has alot of things to + sort out before he graduates. He + can't be wound this tight and go + to college. His roommate'll kill + him. I've come close myself. But I + like him. He's a little easier to + take when you know why he's like he + is. The boy cannot relax. Pardon + by French but Cameron is so tight + that if you stuck a lump of coal up + his ass, in two weeks you'd have a + diamond. + (after-thought) + And Cameron would worry that he'd + owe taxes on it. + + 27 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 27 + + We hear roll call as CAMERA MOVES ACROSS the tile floor. A + shoe's POV. + + TEACHER'S VOICE + Albers? + + BOY'S VOICE + Here. + + TEACHER'S VOICE + Anderson. + + GIRL'S VOICE + Here. + + CAMERA enters a classroom. It travels past a teacher's Hush + Puppies and heads up an aisle of desk past dirty yellow + Reebocks, rotting Air Jordans, scuffed heels, pristine + loafers... + + TEACHER'S VOICE + Anheiser? + + BOY'S VOICE + Here. + + TEACHER'S VOICE + Busch? + + GIRL'S VOICE + Here. + + TEACHER'S VOICE + Bueller? + + CAMERA reaches the last desk and rises slowly to reveal that + it's empty. + + TEACHER'S VOICE + Bueller? + + GIRL'S VOICE + He's sick. + (pause) + My best friend's sister's boyfriend's + brother's girlfriend heard from this + guy who knows this kid who's going + with a girl who saw Ferris pass-out + at 31 Flavors last night. I guess + it's pretty serious. + + TEACHER'S VOICE + (weary) + Thank you, Simone. + + GIRL'S VOICE + (cheery) + No problem whatsoever. + + TEACHER'S VOICE + Drucker? + + BOY'S VOICE + What? + + WOUND-OUT CAR ENGINES COME UP LOUD. + + 28 CU. TV 28 + + THE ROAD WARRIOR is playing on video cassette. The big chase + at the end. + + INT. FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS + + He's sitting in the arm chair pretending it's Humongous' war + wagon. He's wearing a hockey mash. He's steering. He reaches + down and grabs an imaginary nitrous oxide valve. + + CU. TV + + Humongous reaches down and grabs a real nitrous oxide valve. + He gives it a twist. + + CU. FERRIS + + He throws himself back against the chair. + + CU. TV + + The force of the rapid acceleration of his vehicle throws + Humongous back in his seat. + + CU. FERRIS + + He bounces himself in the chair to simulate the bumpy high + speed ride. + + CU. TV + + The was wagon hurtles down the road. + + CU. FERRIS + + He rears back in horror. + + CU. TV + + The war wagon is heading for a head-on collision with the + tanker truck. + + CU. FERRIS + + Arms outstretched, head thrown back, braced for collision. + + CU. TV + + IMPACT! + + MOZART COMES UP. + + 29 CU. FLOWERING TREE BRANCH 29 + + Outside a bedroom window. A flowering crabtree branch. + Petite pink flowers. WE PULL BACK FROM THE WINDOW INTO THE + ROOM. It's Jeanie's room. A pink and powder blue pig pen. + Clothes everywhere, make-up, books, records. Ferris is + sitting on her bed going through a purse. + + FERRIS + This is really degrading. + + He comes up with a crumpled dollar bill. + + FERRIS + Financing my activities this way. + Very damaging to the self-image. + But, hey, I'm broke. In times of + crisis one must to what one must + to. I'll pay it back. With interest. + + He comes up with a five. + + FERRIS + Regardless of how much shit sisters + make you eat, how often they rat on + you, how gross they act or how wicked + and insensitive they can be, you should + not alientate them. Because most likely + they have cash and it's usually very easy + to get your hands on. + + He holds up a twenty and snaps it. PINK FLOYD'S "MONEY" + COMES UP. + + 30 INT. LIVING ROOM 30 + + The song plays as Ferris digs through the sofa cushions. + + CU. SOFA + + Ferris extracts a sticky quarter from a crevice. + + 31 INT. PARENTS' BEDROOM 31 + + Ferris is going through his father's pants pockets. Another + crumpled bill surfaces. + + 32 CU. WASHING MACHINE TOP 32 + + A couple of stiff, hard, bleached singles that have gone + through the wash lay on top of the washer. A hand scoops + them up. + + 33 CU. LUCITE ENCASED PROOF SET 33 + + An obvious gift from a grandparent. A U.S. Mint proof set. A + ten, a five and a single enclosed in a lucite frame. A + screwdriver tip wedges between the two pieces of Lucite and + pops them apart. A hand peels the bills off the backing. + + 34 CU. KITCHEN DRAWER 34 + + Hands ripping through the kitchen junk drawer. Locating a + dollar bill. + + 35 CU. COIN COLLECTION 35 + + The familiar blue collector's album. One-by-one, the + quarters are being popped out of their slots. + + 36 CU. VACCUUM CLEANER 36 + + The dusty, dirty contents of the bag are emptied on the + floor. Fingers pick a dime out of a matted wad of filth. + + 37 CU. SNOOPY BANK 37 + + It's being shaken furiously. + + 38 CU. BIRTHDAY CARD 38 + + It's a child's card. It's slowly opened to reveal a crisp, + new five. + + 39 INT. HALL CLOSET 39 + + The door opens and Ferris thrusts his hands into the pockets + of the coats. He comes up with a ball of Kleenex. A roll of + Tums. A squirt gun. Then a modest wad of bills. His face + lights up as he counts out the cash. He closes the door. + + 40 CU. FLOOR AND BED 40 + + Ferris' face appears between the bed and the floor. His arm + reaches out for a small metal bank hidden under the bed. + + 41 CU. BANK 41 + + It's on a work bench. An awl is driven in between the door + and the jamb. It pries the door open. Inside are trading + cards, a charred doll's head, a Zippo lighter and, finally, + a five dollar bill. + + 42 INT. KITCHEN 42 + + Ferris is on his hands and knees under the kitchen table. + + 43 CU. TABLE LEG 43 + + Ferris lifts the leg and removes a quarter that's been used + to balance the table. + + 44 INT. KITCHEN 44 + + Ferris stands up and pockets the quarter. + + 45 CU. FERRIS' BED 45 + + A shower of coins and bills rain down on the sheets. The + SONG ENDS. + + 46 EXT. REAL ESTATE OFFICE. MORNING 46 + + A suburban realty company. A cute little building in town. + + 47 INT. OFFICE 47 + + Joyce is behind a desk. Across from her are two WOMEN. + They're also real estate agents. + + JOYCE + No one's going to consider a + house with a black living room. + Not even those jerks from Vermont. + Let's be realistic. + + AGENT 1 + Mrs. Volbeck's dead set against + putting any money into the house. + + Joyce's phone intercom buzzes. She take the call. + + JOYCE + Joyce Bueller. + + Her eyes open wide with alarm. + + JOYCE + Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I + completely forgot to call. + + 48 EXT. HIGH SCHOOL 48 + + A modern, suburban high school. + + MAN'S VOICE + Are you aware that your son is not + in school today? + + 49 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 49 + + It's a passing period. The hall is clogged with students. + + JOYCE'S VOICE + Yes, I am. Ferris is home sick. I + had a meeting first thing this + morning. I should have called. It + completely slipped my mind. + + 50 INT. SCHOOL. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE 50 + + A SECRETARY is at work at her desk. We hear the dean inside + the office. + + DEAN'S VOICE + Are you also aware that Ferris does not + have what we consider an exemplary + attendance record? + + 51 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. CU. DESK SIGN 51 + + It reads, EDWARD R. ROONEY. DEAD OF STUDENTS. The dean's + feet are up on the desk, behind the sign. Moderately priced + dress shoes. + + JOYCE'S VOICE + I don't understand. + + DEAN'S VOICE + I just had his file up. + + INT. OFFICE. CU. DEAN + + ED ROONEY is sitting behind his desk. He's tough, clean and + straight as an I-beam. Short, neatly combed hair, suit and + tie. He's toying with a pencil. He's confident to the point + of arrogance. + + ROONEY + I just has his file up, Mrs. Bueller. + + Behind him is a computer terminal. He removes his feet from + the desk and turns in his swivel chair. + + ROONEY + If Ferris thinks he coast this last + month and still graduate, he's sorely + mistaken. + + JOYCE'S VOICE + This is all news to me. + + CU. COMPUTER MONITOR + + The monitor on Rooney's desk displays Ferris' records. + + ROONEY'S VOICE + So far this semester alone, he's been + absent nine times. Including today. + + JOYCE'S VOICE + Nine times? + + Under DAYS MISSED we see a number 9 suddenly change to a + number 2. + + INT. OFFICE + + Rooney turns to the monitor. He reads off the screen. + + ROONEY + I have it right here in front of me. He's + missed... + + He looks closer at the screen. + + 52 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 52 + + Ferris is at his Macintosh computer. He has his record up + on the screen. + + FERRIS + I wanted a car. I got a computer. How's + that for being born under a bad sign? + + 53 INT. JOYCE'S OFFICE 53 + + She's still on the phone with Rooney. + + JOYCE + I can give you every assurance that + Ferris is home and that he is, in + fact, very ill. I debated whether + or not I should even leave him. + I can appreciate that at this time + of year children are prone to taking + the day off, but in Ferris' case, + he's truly a very sick boy. + + 54 INT. FERRIS' BEDROOM 54 + + MUSIC BLASTS. SOLO GUITAR. + + CU. SPEAKER + + The grille cloth is throbbing. + + CU. LED METERS + + The meters on the amplifier are totally in the danger zone. + + CU. TV MONITOR + + We see Ferris in his room with a guitar around his neck. + He's playing. + + CU. VIDEO CAMERA + + A home video camera is capturing Ferris on tape. + + 55 INT. CAMERON'S ROOM 55 + + He's sitting on the edge of the bed buttoning his shirt. He + sighs deeply and fall back on the bed. + + 56 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 56 + + Jeanie is at her locker during a passing period. A + GIRLFRIEND comes up to her. + + GIRL + I'm really sorry about your brother. + + JEANIE + What're you sorry for? I have to live + with the trouser snake. + + GIRL + No, I mean I heard he's really sick. + + JEANIE + Who said he's sick. + + GIRL + A whole bunch of people. They said + he's like on the verge of death. + + Jeanie stares incredulously at the girl. + + GIRL + This guy in my biology class said + that if Ferris dies he's giving + his eyes to Stevie Wonder? He's + really sweet isn't he? + + She smiles and exits. Jeanie cocks her head in bewilderment. + She kicks her locker shut. + + 57 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 57 + + He's in bed on the phone. + + FERRIS + A sample of my blood was sent + to Atlanta to the Center for + Disease Control. I don't know, + man, I'm bricking heavily. + (point to the + phone) + Freshman. + (to the phone) + Did you see Alien? When the guy + had the creature in his stomach? + It feels like that. + + 58 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 58 + + A FRESHMAN BOY is on the pay phone. A couple of his BUDDIES + are standing at his side waiting anxiously for news. + + BOY + Goddamn! Are you kidding? + + SECOND BOY + What? + + BOY + Did you see Alien? + + SECOND BOY + No. + + BOY + You never rented the video cassette? + + Second boy shakes his head, no. + + BOY + Oh. He's really wasted. + + THIRD BOY + (to the Second Boy) + Who's he talking to? + + SECOND BOY + Ferris Bueller. You know him? + + THIRD BOY + (excited) + Yeah. He's getting me out of summer + school. + + BOY + Anyway, I appreciate you letting us + know how you're doing. We gotta split. + (pause) + Huh?...Yeah, sure. Hold on. + + SECOND BOY + (to Third Boy) + Shit. I hope he doesn't die. + I can't handle summer school. + + The boy snatches a passing GIRL. + + BOY + Did you see Alien? + + GIRL + Yeah, why? + + He hands her the phone. + + GIRL + Hello? + (pause) + Who? + (pause) + Hi, Ferris. How's your bod? + (jaw drops) + Oh, my God! You're dying? + Is it serious? + (pause) + Shiit! Are you upset? + + 59 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 59 + + Rooney's comparing his computer monitor to hard copy. His + SECRETARY is standing over his shoulder. + + ROONEY + I don't trust this kid any further + than I can throw him! + + SECRETARY + With your bad knee, you better + not throw anybody, Ed. + + Rooney stares at her for a long beat. + + ROONEY + What's so dangerous about a character + like Ferris Bueller is that he gives + the good kids bad ideas. The last thing + I need at this point in my career is + fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples + running around these halls. + + SECRETARY + He's very popular, Ed. Sportos, motorheads, + geeks, sluts, pinheads, dweebies, wonkers, + richies, they all adore him. + + ROONEY + That's exactly why I have to catch him + this time. To show these kids that the + example he sets is a first class ticket + to nowhere. + + SECRETARY + (impressed) + Ooo. You sounded like Dirty Harry just + now. + + Rooney looks up at her with a proud smile. + + ROONEY + Really? + + He unconsciously does an Eastwood squint. + + 60 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 60 + + It's a glorious late spring day. A florist's truck drives + past the house. + + 61 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 61 + + He's on the telephone. As he speaks he does a little + MacPainting on his MacIntosh. A Modigliani nude. + + FERRIS + Cameron, if you're not over here + in fifteen minutes, you can find + a new best friend. I'm serious, man. + This is bullshit, making me wait + around the house for you. + + 62 INT. CAMERON'S BEDROOM 62 + + Cameron's back in bed. + + CAMERON + I'm sick. I feel like shit. Why can't + you leave me alone? + + FERRIS' VOICE + You're not up for some good times? + It's a beautiful day. It's almost + summer. If this was Hawaii, we'd be + surfing. + + 63 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 63 + + He's growing weary of Cameron's wimpishness. + + FERRIS + You want to stay home and try + to have the shits? Try to barf? + Try to feel worse? + + CAMERON'S VOICE + I don't have to try. + + FERRIS + Be a man. Take some Pepto Bismol + and get dressed. You're boring me + with this stuff. + + The other phone line rings. + + FERRIS + Squeeze you buns for a second. I + got another call. + + He puts Cameron on hold. He clears his throat and answers + the second line. He sounds like he's on his last breath. + + FERRIS + H--hell-o? + + 64 EXT. OFFICE BUILDING. DOWNTOWN 64 + + A LaSalle Street office tower. + + TOM'S VOICE + Ferris? + + 65 INT. TOM'S OFFICE 65 + + He's behind his desk. Nice office. Two windows. Herman + Miller desk and chair. + + TOM + You sound miserable. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Really? Darn! I thought I was improving. + + TOM + Were you sleeping? + + FERRIS' VOICE + I was trying to do some homework. + + 66 CU. COMPUTER MONITOR 66 + + A closer view of the rude drawing Ferris is making. + + FERRIS (OC) + I'm so worried about falling behind. + + INT. FERRIS' ROOM + + He leans back from the monitor and sips a Coke. + + FERRIS + Dad? Can you hold on a second? + + TOM'S VOICE + Sure, pal. Are you alright? + + FERRIS + Just a little phlegm on the phone. + Hold on. + + He puts his father on hold. + + FERRIS + Cameron? It's my Dad. + + CAMERON'S VOICE + Oh, that's just great. Are you busted? + + FERRIS + It's completely cool. He's just + checking up on me. Now, listen to + me. I'm working on getting some + heavy bucks out of him. So, the least you + can do is hurry up and get over here. + Bye. + + He disconnects and gets his father back. He switches back to + his sick voice. + + FERRIS + Sorry, Dad. The moment before you + called, I had a chest spasm and I + blew lung fluid all over the place. + It was making me ill looking at it. + But gee, it's sure great of you to call. + I'm sure there're alot of fathers + who wouldn't take time out from + their busy schedules to call a dumb, + sick teenager. + + TOM'S VOICE + Hey, pal, what was I supposed to do? + + Ferris reaches out and hits a key on his computer. The + screen dumps the drawing. + + FERRIS + Give yourself some credit, Dad. It + was a mammoth gesture. It's like those + savings bonds you used to give me + every Christmas. + (looks at CAMERA and smiles) + It was that kind of concern. + + CU. COMPUTER SCREEN + + A message is flashing: "TRANSMITTING DATA". + + INT. FERRIS' ROOM + + He turns away from the computer and puts his feet up on the + desk. He lights a cigarette. + + FERRIS + You had to work hard for the money + to buy those things, right? + + TOM'S VOICE + Not any harder than anybody else. + + Ferris mouths Tom's words as he says them. + + 67 EXT. CHICAGO LOOP. DIAMONDVISION SCREEN 67 + + Ferris' drawing suddenly appears on the billboard. + Pedestrians stop to look. + + 68 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 68 + + He blows a smoke ring. + + FERRIS + You work so hard I'll bet you don't + even remember where those bonds are, + right? + + Ferris points a finger in the air as a cue to his father. + + TOM'S VOICE + Wrong. + + He nods. + + FERRIS + Oh, yeah? You're pulling my leg. You're + just trying to cheer me up. + + TOM'S VOICE + Like hell I am. They're in a shoebox + in my closet. + + Ferris smiles. He looks at CAMERA. He's gotten exactly what + he wants. + + FERRIS + (to CAMERA, normal + voice) + Was that a class move or what? + The guy gave it up faster than + a drunk Catholic girl. I hope my + kids don't pull this shit on me. + (thinks) + Of course, if they didn't, they'd + be dumb and abnormal and they'd + probably never move out of my + house and I'd have to support them + until I die. I take it back. + (to the phone, + sick voice) + Dad? All this talking has made me + kind of light-headed. I think + I better lie down. + + TOM'S VOICE + Okay, pal. You take care. I'll + call you after lunch. + + FERRIS + You don't have to, Dad. + + TOM'S VOICE + I want to. Bye now. + + He hangs up. Ferris sighs. + + FERRIS + You win some, you lose some. + + He turns his desk chair around and gets up. + + FERRIS + I'm so disappointed in Cameron. + Twenty bucks says he's sitting + in his car debating about whether + or not he should go out. + + 69 INT. CAR. CAMERON 69 + + He's sitting behind the wheel of his car. + + CAMERON + We're gonna get caught. No doubt + about it. + + He cuts the engine. + + CAMERON + I'm not doing it. + + He sits for half a beat. + + CAMERON + He'll keep calling until I come + over. + + He sighs and restarts the engine. Another beat. + + CAMERON + Actually, what'll happen is I'll + get caught. Ferris'll escape. + + Another beat. He stops the engine. A CRASH OF HORROR MUSIC. + + 70 CU. DRESSER DRAWER 70 + + Hands curl around the drawer pulls. The drawer is opened + slowly, ominously. The hands lift a sweater out. A HERALDIC + STING as we see a men's magazine beneath the sweater. + + INT. FERRIS' ROOM + + He takes out the magazine. He leafs through the pages for + the pictorials as he speaks. + + FERRIS + Cameron'll go on like that for a + good thirty minutes. The guy + is a shellfish when it comes to + making a decision. The reason + he doesn't fell good is, he + worries about everything. He's + the only guy I know who's deeply + concerned that when he grows up + there'll be a critical shortage + of strategic metals. + + He exits the room. + + 71 INT. HALLWAY 71 + + Ferris comes out of his room and heads down the hallway. + + FERRIS + Cameron's also the only guy + I know who knows what strategic + metals are. + (waves the magazine) + Pardon moi. + + He goes into the bathroom. We HEAR THE TOILET SEAT SLAM + DOWN. + + FERRIS + (sings) + MAYBE I'M JUST LIKE MY MOTHER, + SHE'S NEVER SATISFIED... + + 72 INT. CLASSROOM. LATER 72 + + A stunningly beautiful girl, SLOANE PETERSON, is sitting at + her desk in a history class. She's staring out the window as + a tweedy MALE TEACHER delivers a dry, dusty lecture. + + TEACHER + Roosevelt's health had seriously + deteriorated by the time he met + with Churchill and Stalin at Yalta. + (sneezes) + Pardon me. + + The classroom door opens and the school NURSE walks in. For + a moment, the teacher thinks she's come in because she heard + him sneeze. She crosses to him and whispers in his ear. + + SLOANE + + She, like the others, watches the nurse curiously. + + INT. CLASSROOM. TEACHER AND NURSE + + The teacher's face drops as he's delivered an obvious piece + of disturbing news. He nods grimly to the Nurse. She looks + at the kids. + + NURSE + Sloane Peterson? + + SLOANE + + Sits up in her seat. + + NURSE + + She's a picture of compassion and understanding. + + NURSE + May I see you outside for a moment? + There's been an emergency. + + SLOANE + + A smile curls across her lips. As she gathers her books she + looks to the GIRL next to her. + + SLOANE + (whispers) + Dead grandmother. + + 73 INT. HALLWAY 73 + + The Nurse is gently holding Sloane's hand. + + NURSE + (nods solemnly) + Dead grandmother. + + 74 CU. ROONEY 74 + + He has a suspicious look on his face. + + ROONEY + Dead grandmother? + + INT. DEAN'S OFFICE + + Rooney's at his desk. His secretary is standing across from + him. + + SECRETARY + That's what Mr. Peterson said. I + had Florence Sparrow notify Sloane. + + ROONEY + Who's this girl's going with? + + SECRETARY + It's so hard to tell. I see her + alot with Ferris Bueller. + + Rooney smiles. His suspicions are confirmed. + + ROONEY + Could you get me Mr. Peterson's + daytime number? + + As the secretary starts out of the room, Rooney's phone + rings. She stops and answers the desk phone. + + SECRETARY + Edward Rooney's office. + (pause) + Yes. Can you hold? Thank you. + + She puts the call on hold. + + SECRETARY + It's Mr. Peterson. + + Rooney is startled. He thinks for a beat then reaches for + the phone. + + SECRETARY + Do you still want his number? + + Rooney answers her with an annoyed look. She smiles and + backs out. He punches the phone button. + + ROONEY + Ed Rooney. + + MAN'S VOICE + Ed? This is George Peterson. + + ROONEY + How are you today, sir? + + MAN'S VOICE + We've had a bit of bad luck this + morning as you may have heard. + + Rooney rolls his eyes. It's so obvious it's not Mr. + Peterson. + + ROONEY + I heard. And, gosh, I'm all broken + up. Huh? Oh, sure. I'd be happy to + release Sloane. You produce a corpse + and I'll release Sloane. I want to + see this dead grandmother firsthand. + + The secretary stops cold in the doorway. She turns to Rooney + in horror. He covers the phone. + + ROONEY + (whispers) + It's Ferris Bueller. Nervy litttle + punk. I'm gonna set a trap and let + his walk right into it! + (to phone) + That's right. Cart the stiff in and + I'll turn over your daughter. It's + school policy. Was this your mother? + + Rooney's other line rings. + + 75 INT. SECRETARY'S OFFICE 75 + + She steps out of Rooney's office and picks up the other + line. + + SECRETARY + Ed Rooney's office. + + Her jaw drops. + + SECRETARY + Hold, please. + + She puts the call on hold and hangs up. She hurried into + Rooney's office. + + 76 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 76 + + Rooney's chewing out the person on the other line. + + ROONEY + I'll tell you want, you don't + like my policies, you can just + come on down and smooch by big + old ugly ass. You hear me? + + The secretary comes in. She's waving her arms furiously. + Rooney tries to wave her away. He's angry. She stomps her + foot. Rooney covers the phone. + + ROONEY + What!? + + SECRETARY + Ferris Bueller's on line two. + + CU. ROONEY'S FOOT + + It freezes in mid-tap. + + CU. ROONEY'S HAND + + The pencils falls from his fingers. + + CU. ROONEY'S FACE + + A mask of horror. He glances at the phone. + + CU. PHONE + + The second line light is flashing. + + CU. ROONEY + + He blinks, cocks his head, twitches. + + 77 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 77 + + He's zipping his pants, fastening his belt. The phone's + cradled against his shoulder. He speaks in the same voice he + used on his father. + + FERRIS + Mr. Rooney? I'm sorry to disturb + you at work but I was wondering if + it would be possible for my sister + to bring home any assignments from + my classes that I may need. + + 78 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. ROONEY 78 + + He's staring blankly ahead. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Thank you, sir. + + He nods. + + CU. PHONE + + Rooney's finger gingerly presses the button on the waiting + call. + + CU. ROONEY + + He winces as he returns to the first call. + + 79 INT. FERRIS' HOUSE. KITCHEN 79 + + Cameron's on the phone in the kitchen. He's doing a deep, + phoney "father" voice. + + CAMERON + You oughta be sorry for Christ's + sake! A family member dies and + you insult me. What's the matter + with you, anyway? + + 80 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. ROONEY 80 + + He apologies profusely to Cameron. He's perspiring, + trembling. + + ROONEY + I don't know. I thought you were + someone else. You have to know, + sir, that I would never deliberately + insult you. I can't begin to tell + you how embarrassed I am. + + CAMERON'S VOICE + Pardon my French but you're an asshole! + + Rooney nods enthusiastically. + + ROONEY + Absolutely! I most certainly am. + + 81 INT. KITCHEN 81 + + Cameron lays into Rooney. + + CAMERON + This isn't over yet, buster. You + just make sure my daughter's out + in front of the school in ten + minutes. Do you read me? + + ROONEY'S VOICE + Load and clear, Mr. Peterson. + + CAMERON + Call me sir, goddamn it! + + ROONEY'S VOICE + Sir. + + CAMERON + That's better. + + Ferris strolls into the kitchen to catch the last of the + conversation. Cameron covers the phone. + + CAMERON + (to Ferris) + I'm scared shitless, Ferris! What + is Rooney guesses my voice! + + FERRIS + Impossible. You're doing great. + + Cameron sighs and goes back to the phone. + + CAMERON + (clears his throat) + I don't have all day to bark at you + so I'll make this short and sweet. + + Ferris gives Cameron an enthusiastic thumbs up. + + FERRIS + (mouths) + Great! + + Cameron smiles proudly. + + CAMERON + I want my daughter out in front + of the school in ten minutes. By + herself. I don's want anyone around... + + Ferris smacks Cameron. He's said the wrong thing. He covers + the phone. + + CAMERON + What'd I do? + + FERRIS + Out in front my herself? It's too + suspicious! He'll think something's + up, moron. Cover it. + + Cameron panics. He holds the phone out to Ferris. + + CAMERON + You do it! + + Ferris waves his arms angrily. + + FERRIS + Talk! + + Cameron takes a deep breath. He clears his throat and puts + on his father's voice. + + CAMERON + I changed my mind, fella. You be out + in front with her! I wanna have a + few words with you! + + Ferris slaps Cameron. The phone flies out of his hand. + + 82 CU. ROONEY 82 + + He winces as the phone hits the floor with a loud CLONK! + We HEAR THE BOYS SCRAMBLING TO PICK UP THE PHONE, THEN + CAMERON CLEARING HIS THROAT. + + CAMERON'S VOICE + On second thought, I don't have + time to talk to you. We'll get + together soon and have lunch. + + We HEAR A SLAP AND THE CALL DISCONNECTS. + + 83 INT. FERRIS' KITCHEN 83 + + Cameron's rubbing the side of his head. + + CAMERON + Why'd you hit me?! + + FERRIS + Where's your brain?! + + CAMERON + Why'd you hit me?! + + FERRIS + Where's your brain?! + + CAMERON + Why'd you hit me? + + FERRIS + Where's your brain? + + CAMERON + I asked you first. + + FERRIS + How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney's + going to be there with her?! + + CAMERON + I said for her to be there alone + and you freaked! + + FERRIS + My, God, you're so stupid! + (aside) + I didn't hit you, I lightly slapped + you. + + CAMERON + You hit me. Look, don't ask me to + participate in your crap if you + don't like the way I do it! + + Ferris is incredulous at Cameron's stupidity. Cameron's + anger is intensified by his embarrassment. + + CAMERON + I was home, sick. You get me out of + bed, being me over here, make me + jeopardize my future, make me do + a phoney phone call on a dean of + students, a man who could squeeze + my nuts into oblivion and then + you deliberately hurt my feelings. + + FERRIS + I didn't deliberately hurt your feelings. + + CAMERON + Oh, really? + + FERRIS + Yeah, really. + + Cameron glares at Ferris. + + CAMERON + Hey, Ferris? Have a nice life. + + He turns and heads out of the room. Ferris sighs. + FERRIS + Cameron? + + CAMERON + Stick it up your ass, Ferris. + + FERRIS + Cameron, I'm sorry. I didn't mean + to jam you. It was uncalled for. + + Cameron stops. + + CAMERON + You're serious? + + He turns around. + + FERRIS + Dead serious. + + Cameron smiles. He appreciates Ferris apology. + + CAMERON + Thanks. + + FERRIS + You did screw up through, right? + Not that is was necessarily all + you fault. Right? + + CAMERON + (suspiciously) + Why? + + FERRIS + To fix this situation, I'm going + to have to ask you for a small favor. + + Cameron's jaw drops. + + 84 INT. GARAGE 84 + + The door opens slowly, dramatically as we hear a heraldic + fanfare. Light streams in to reveal Cameron and Ferris + looking at the car. Ferris is smiling with excitement and + awe. Cameron is frowning with trepidation and fear. + + CU. FERRARI STALLION + + The prancing black stallion. We move up from the stallion to + the erotic red hood of a 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. + + CAMERON AND FERRIS + + Cameron's face is ashen. The end of the world is at hand. + Ferris is in heaven. + + CAMERON + (grim monotone) + 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. Less + than a hundred were made. It has a + market value of $265,000. My father + spent three years restoring it. It + is joy, it is his love, it is his + passion. + + FERRIS + It is his fault he didn't lock the + garage. + + CAMERON + Ferris, my father loves this car more + than life itself. We can't take is out. + + FERRIS + A man with priorities so far out of + whack doesn't deserve such a fine + automobile. + + CAMERON + He never drives it, Ferris. He just + rubs it with a diaper. + + FERRIS + We can't pick up Sloane in your car, + Cameron. Rooney'd never believe Mr. + Peterson drives that piece of shit. + + CAMERON + It's not a piece of shit. + + FERRIS + It's a piece of shit. Don't worry + about it. I don't even have a piece + of shit. I have to envy yours. Look, + I'm sorry but there's nothing else + we can do. + + CAMERON + He knows the mileage, Ferris. He has + it tatooed on his wrist. + + FERRIS + He doesn't trust you? + + CAMERON + No. + + FERRIS + Alright, look, this is real simple. + He puts his arm around Cameron. + + FERRIS + Whatever miles we put on it, we'll + take off. + + CAMERON + (suspicious) + How? + + FERRIS + (big, proud smile) + We'll drive home backwards. + + Cameron shakes his head, no. + + CAMERON + Forget it. I'm putting my foot down, + Ferris. You'll have to think of + something else... + + CU. FERRARI GRILLE + + Cameron's protests are drowned out by the distinctive roar + of the twelve cylinders. + + CAMERON'S VOICE + ...You're not talking me into this + one. I have to live with the man. + I'm sorry but... + + The roar of the engine is overtaken by the sound of a + crowded school hallway. + + 85 INT. SCHOOL. JEANIE 85 + + She comes out of a classroom. She stops as Sloane and Rooney + walk past. Sloane has her coat on and she's carrying her + books. Jeanie watches her suspiciously. + + 86 EXT. SCHOOL 86 + + The Ferrari is parked out in front. The top is down. + + 87 INT. FERRARI 87 + + Ferris is driving. He's wearing a man's hat and sunglasses. + Cameron's in the back. + + CAMERON + Are you crazy?! Put the top back + up! + + FERRIS + This is perfect top-down weather. + CAMERON + What about Rooney? + + FERRIS + Cameron, the more obvious we are, + the less likely we are to get + caught. + + CAMERON + That makes no sense whatsoever. + + FERRIS + The adult mind is a suspicious + machine. + (look around at Cameron) + Stay down, man. + + Cameron squeezes himself lower. + + CAMERON + Howcome it's my Dad's car and + I'm taking all the risk and I have + to ride back here? + + FERRIS + I don't have an explanation. + + 88 EXT. SCHOOL 88 + + Rooney and Sloane come out the door. + + ROONEY + Once again let me say how deeply + saddened I am by your loss. + + SLOANE + Huh? + + ROONEY + Were you close to your grandmother? + + SLOANE + Oh. Um. Yeah. Very. She was a terrific + lady. Very hip. Very old. Yeah. + + DEEP VOICE + Oh, Sloane! Dear! + + Sloane looks across at the Ferrari. Rooney looks. + + THEIR POV + + Ferris is looking out across the roof of the Ferrari. He's + careful to keep his nose and mouth below the roofline. + + FERRIS + Hurry along now! + + EXT. SCHOOL + + Rooney's suspicious. Sloane smiles and bids Rooney a hasty + farewell. + + SLOANE + I guess that's my Dad. Thanks. + See ya. + + She hurries to the car. Rooney watches her. Something does + compute for him. + + 89 INT. SCHOOL. JEANIE 89 + + She's watching out the door. She sees the Ferrari pull away. + + 90 EXT. SCHOOL. ROONEY 90 + + He can't quite put his finger on what's bothering him. + + 91 INT. FERRARI 91 + + Sloane shrieks with delight. She leans across the console + and gives Ferris a kiss. + + SLOANE + This is so great! I can't believe + it! Right in front of Rooney! + + She laughs and turns to Cameron. + + SLOANE + Hi, Cameron. You comfortable? + + CAMERON + Hi. No. + + SLOANE + What a fabulous car! + + CAMERON + Enjoy it quick. It' s going home. + + FERRIS + It was risky, it was bold but + it was totally necessary. + + SLOANE + What're we gonna do? + + FERRIS + The question isn't "what are we + gonna do", the question is "what + aren't we going to do." + + CAMERON + Don't tell me we're not going to + take the car home. Please. + + FERRIS + (to CAMERA) + If you had access to a car like this + would you take it back right away? + Would you give up feeling like a + ton just to ease your best friend's + tension? + + He smiles. + + FERRIS + Either would I. + + 92 EXT. STREET. FERRARI 92 + + It accelerates away like a shot. + + 93 EXT. SUBURBAN BANK 93 + + A fresh, modern bank building. The clock outside read 9:53. + The Ferrari pulls into the parking lot. + + 94 INT. BANK. DOORS 94 + + Ferris, Cameron and Sloane walk in. Ferris is cocky and + confident. Sloane's still intoxicated with her freedom. + Cameron's having stomach trouble. Ferris leads the way to an + open teller window. + + INT. BANK. TELLER + + A WOMAN about seventy with a silver blue beehive. It's about + four inches higher the highest beehive you're ever seen. As + she moves the beehive hits a small sign over her head. She's + been at the bank since they opened. She smiles when she sees + Ferris. + + TELLER + Ferris Bueller? + + FERRIS + + He's at the window. On either shoulder are Cameron and + Sloane. Ferris smiles. Cameron blanches. + + FERRIS + Hello, Mrs. Froeling. How are you? + + TELLER + + She pats the rock-solid mass of blue hair. In doing so she + locates a missing ball point pen. She withdraws it from the + hair and smiles at it's reappearance. + + TELLER + I passed a kidney stone Tuesday, so + I'm a little pooped but other than + that, I'm as chipper as can be. + (something occurs to her) + Say, should you be in school? + + FERRIS + + He lays his savings bonds on the counter. + + FERRIS + Me? + (polite laugh) + I'm out of school, Mrs. Froeling. + In fact. I'm married. This is my + wife...Madonna. + + Sloane suppresses a laugh. + + FERRIS + (to Cameron) + And this is my brother-in-law, + ZZ Top. ZZ, this is Mrs. Froeling. + + Cameron isn't amused. + + TELLER + (to Cameron) + Is Top a Slavic name? + + CAMERON + Yeah. + + FERRIS + I'd like to cash these in, please. + We're having a baby and we need the + cash for a crib, clothes, diapers, + food pellets, leash, water dish... + + INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW + + Mrs. Froeling takes the bonds with a hearty smile. The + latter part of the conversation sails over her like a line + drive. + + TELLER + A baby! + (to Sloane) + You must be so excited. + + Cameron groans and turns away from the sham. + + SLOANE + I'm thrilled, ma'am. I'm especially + looking forward to wearing those + jeans with the stretch panel in + front. + + Mrs. Froeling thumbs through the bonds. + + TELLER + Are you hoping for a boy or + a girl? + + SLOANE + Actually, we're hoping for a car. + + CU. CAMERON + + He's spooked by the games playing. He scans the bank + nervously. He blinks, focuses, blinks again. + + HIS POV + + Joyce is with a MIDDLE-AGED COUPLE and their bored, + sour-puss teenage son, BOYD. He's sitting in a chair with + his legs slung over the sides waving a Bic lighter back and + forth across his rump. The parents are Joyce's clients from + Vermont. A LOAN OFFICER is discussing the local financing + situation with them. His is an open office adjacent to the + teller windows. Joyce's back is to the tellers. + + CU. CAMERON + + It's like he's just witnesses an ax murder. + + CAMERON + Shit... + + INT. BANK. JOYCE + + Her back is to the teller windows. She's conducting her + meeting. Behind her we see Cameron grab Ferris and point her + out to him. He waves. Cameron slaps his arm. + + INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW + + Mrs. Froeling shows Ferris the savings bonds. + + TELLER + These bonds aren't mature. If you hold + onto them another two years you'll get + an additional four dollars... + + FERRIS + I'm aware of that. + + TELLER + You're throwing away four dollars. + + FERRIS + No, ma'am, I'm giving it to the + government. They need it. Do you + know what an aircraft carrier's + going for these days? + + INT. BANK. JOYCE + + She concludes her meeting. She shakes hands with the loan + officer and stands. The Vermont Couple stands. Boyd scrapes + the bottom of his shoe on the desk, leaving a glob of mud + behind and he stands. Joyce turns into the bank. Ferris, + Cameron and Sloane are gone. She escorts her customers out. + + INT. BANK. DOOR + + Joyce and the Vermont Couple approach the doors. Boyd lays a + luggie in the drinking fountain. Mrs. Froeling passes with + the savings bonds. She stops when she sees Joyce. + + JOYCE + Mrs. Froeling, how are you? + + MRS. FROELING + I passed a kidney stone Tuesday. + (shifts gears, to Joyce) + Say, you must be very proud. + + Joyce doesn't know what she's talking about. + + MRS. FROELING + (whispers) + I met Madonna. + + She pats Joyce on the arm. + + MRS. FROELING + She told me everything. Keep me posted, + I'll want to send a gift. + + She toodles on her way. Joyce and the Vermont Couple are + completely baffled. + + 95 EXT. BANK 95 + + Joyce and the Vermont Couple walk along the side of the + bank, heading for the parking lot. Boyd's tagging along + behind. He picks up a stone and hurls it into the parking + lot. + + JOYCE + My son's home sick today. If + you wouldn't mind, on our way + back to the office, I'd like + to just run in and check up on him. + + We HEAR A METALLIC PING! as Boyd's missle hits a car. + + MOTHER + Of course. + + They pass a show window. As they pass, we hold on the + window. It's promoting saving for college educations. A + mannequin father is congratulating his mannequin son in a + mortar and gown as a stiff Sloane, Ferris and Cameron look + on proudly. + + 96 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 96 + + His secretary is dialing a number for him. + + SECRETARY + This is the Peterson's home. + + She hands the phone to Rooney. + + SECRETARY + Watch your mouth this time. + + Rooney glares at her. + + ROONEY + Ferris Bueller's behind this. There's + no doubt in my mind. That's what I was + saying this morning. Why he has to be stopped. + He's got Sloane Peterson involved in this + thing now. See? + + The secretary nods. + + SECRETARY + And her grandmother, too. + + 97 CU. PHONE ANSWER MACHINE 97 + + It clicks on. We hear a grieved woman's voice. It sounds an + awful lot like Sloane. + + SLOANE + We can't come to the phone right now. + We've had a death in the family. If + you need to reach us we'll be at + the following number... + + 98 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 98 + + Rooney quickly takes down a number. + + 99 EXT. CAMERON'S HOUSE 99 + + His answering machine clicks on. We hear Cameron's voice. + + CAMERON'S VOICE + You have reached the Coughlin Bros. + Mortuary. We are unable to come to + the phone right now but if you'll leave + your name and number... + +100 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 100 + + Rooney hangs up the phone. + + ROONEY + Something's going on, goddamn it. + + The secretary's looking at a newspaper on Rooney's desk. + She's not listening to him. + + SECRETARY + There's a railroad strike. + + ROONEY + And I'm going to stop it! + + SECRETARY + My brother-in-law'll appreciate it. + + Rooney looks at her, puzzled. + + ROONEY + What? + + SECRETARY + My brother-in-law rides the train + to work. + + Rooney stares at her like she's crazy. + + ROONEY + Who gives a good goddamn? + +101 EXT. EDENS EXPRESSWAY 101 + + The major thoroughfare into the city of Chicago from the + suburbs. The Ferrari streaks past. In the distance we see + the Sears Tower, the Hancock Building and the Standard Oil + Building. + +102 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 102 + + Jeanie's walking down the hall. She's stopped by a KID with + a Coke can. + + KID + Yo. We're collecting money to + buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney. + + Jeanie stares at him. She's flabbergasted at the proportions + her brother's scan has reached. + + KID + They run about fifty g's so it + you could help out... + + JEANIE + Go piss up a flagpole! + + KID + Huh? + + She knocks the can out of his hands and storms down the hall. + The kid yells after her. + + KID + Hey, babe! Some day you might + need a favor from Ferris Bueller! + Then where'll you be?! + + He reaches for the can. + + KID + Heartless wench... + +103 EXT. CHICAGO LOOP. PARKING GARAGE 103 + + The Ferrari pulls into a large parking garage. + + EXT. GARAGE + + Ferris, Sloane and Cameron get out. Cameron's having fits. + + CAMERON + We can't leave the car here! + + FERRIS + Why not? + CAMERON + Because we can't! I want it back + home where it belongs! + + SLOANE + What could happen to it? + + CAMERON + It could get stolen, wrecked, scratched, + you name it. + + FERRIS + I'll give the guy a five to watch it. + + CAMERON + What guy? + + CU. PARKING ATTENDANT + + He smiles with relish at the car. 6'6", 240. An IQ that + equals his hourly wage. Shoulder-length hair stuffed into a + hairnet Gold teeth. Earring. Goatee. + + EXT. PARKING LOT + + The Attendant swaggers over to the car. Ferris slips him a + give. + + FERRIS + You speak English? + + ATTENDANT + Since I was three. + + FERRIS + Great. I want to you take extra special + care of this vehicle, okay? + + He pats the Attendant on the arm. He smiles. + + ATTENDANT + Like it's a beautiful woman. + + FERRIS + I appreciate it. + + The Attendant very gingerly gets into the car. Ferris turns + to Cameron. The Ferrari pulls into the lot very slowly, very + carefully. No squealing tires, no revving engine. + + FERRIS + See what a finski can do to + a person's attitude? He's going + to treat it like a beautiful + woman. + + CAMERON + Yeah, sure. Whip it with a stick + and piss on the hood. + + SLOANE + Oh, please, Cameron. Do you have to + be so graphic? + + She heads down the street. + + SLOANE + This is so right! + + Ferris nudges Cameron on. They exit the garage and head + after Sloane. A long beat and the Ferrari creeps down the + exit ramp of the garage. It's gone in the entrance and out + the exit. Another attendant jumps in the passenger side. + He's skinny, tall, with a huge knit hat willed with dreads. + He lets out a spirited laugh and the Ferrari peels out of + the lot. It heads down the street away from Sloane, Ferris + and Cameron. + +104 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 104 + + Joyce's care pulls in the driveway. She gets out and heads up + the house. + +105 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 105 + + It's dark. There's a figure in the bed. We hear soft + snoring. A wire runs from under the bed covers to the closet + door to the door to the room itself. + + INT. ROOM. DOOR KNOB + + The wire is tied to the doorknob. It's taut. Downstairs, we + hear a door open and close. + +106 INT. HOUSE. STAIRWAY 106 + + Joyce quietly walks up the stairs. + +107 INT. HOUSE. HALLWAY 107 + + Joyce comes up the stairs and crosses to Ferris' room. She + listens at the door. WE HEAR THE SNORING. + + CU. DOORKNOB + + Joyce slowly turns the doorknob and pushes the door open a + crack. + + HER POV + + The door opens and the figure-like lump in the bed moves. + + CU. JOYCE + + She smiles and closes the door. + +108 INT. ROOM. CLOSET 108 + + The closet door is open. The wire from the bedroom door is + strung over the top of the closet door. A trophy is attached + to the end of the wire and it's resting on a yard stick. As + the bedroom door closes, the trophy lifts up off the + yardstick and the lump in the bed goes back down to it's + original position. + + CU. FERRIS' SYNTHESIZER + + Little LED's are lighting up to the rhythm of the snoring. + The snoring it simulated. + +109 INT. HALLWAY 109 + + Joyce listens at the door another beat. She's smiles with + relief and affection. + +110 EXT. SEARS TOWER. LATER 110 + + HELICOPTER SHOT moves in on the world's tallest building. As + it passes we see three figures pressed against the windows. + + FERRIS (VO) + This is the world's tallest building. + From our vantage point here on the + 103 floor, we are provided with a + view of four states. + + CAMERON (VO) + Do you think the car's alright? + + FERRIS (VO) + Illinois, Michigan, Wisconsin and + my personal favorite, Indiana. + +111 INT. SEARS TOWER OBSERVATION DECK 111 + + Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are standing against the window. + + CAMERON + I don't feel good, Ferris. Are + we gonna stay long? + + FERRIS + Take a step back... + + Ferris steps back. Sloane and Cameron follow suit. + + FERRIS + Now, lean against the glass. Like + this... + + He leans forward, putting all his weight on his forehead. + + FERRIS + And look down. + + Sloane leans forward. Cameron follows, reluctantly. + + SLOANE + Oh, shit! + + HER POV + + The street far, far below. A dizzying view. + + INT. OBSERVATION DECK + + The three are leaning against the glass. + + SLOANE + What if the glass gives? + + FERRIS + Death. + + SLOANE + Cool. + + CU. CAMERON + + He's looking down. + + CAMERON + I think I see my Dad. + +112 EXT. STREET LEVEL 112 + + A middle-aged man, Cameron's father, HORACE FRYE, is + standing on the street corner. He's lean, clean, tough and + humorless. He's wearing a puzzled look on his face. + + CAMERON'S FATHER + I think I see my car. + + HIS POV + + The Ferrari screams down the avenue and disappears down the + underground ramp. + +113 INT. SEARS TOWER LOBBY 113 + + Ferris and Sloane bound down the escalator. Cameron follows + glumly. They dance past the giant Calder mobile. They're + singing. + + FERRIS AND SLOANE + I BEEN ALL 'ROUND THIS GREAT BIG WORLD + AND I'VE SEEN ALL KINDS OF GIRLS + YEAH, BUT I COULDN'T WAIT TO GET + BACK IN THE STATES + BACK TO THE CUTEST GIRLS IN THE WORLD + I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA + I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA + +114 EXT. STREET 114 + + Ferris and Sloane burst out the doors garnering the annoyed + stares of the business people busily going in and out of the + building. Cameron politely waits his turn to exit. Ferris + and Sloane head down the street. Cameron follows. + + FERRIS AND SLOANE + I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA GIRLS! + +115 EXT. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE 115 + + Giant old monolith. + +116 INT. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. TRADING ROOM 116 + + Traders are frantically buying and selling commodities. + +117 INT. GALLERY 117 + + Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the gallery + watching the proceedings. + + SLOANE + Do you love me? + + FERRIS + Do you love me? + + SLOANE + I asked you first. + + FERRIS + Yes. You? + + SLOANE + Yes. + + FERRIS + Would I trash a day of education to + be with you if I didn't love you? + + SLOANE + Yes. + + FERRIS + Would I risk damaging a deep and + wonderfully enriching relationship + with my parents if I didn't love you? + + SLOANE + Yes. + + FERRIS + Would I have introduced you as my wife + if I didn't love you? + + SLOANE + Wait a minute. That was a lie. + + FERRIS + True. + + Ferris puts his arm around Sloane. + + FERRIS + Would you want to get married? I + mean if I wasn't an asshole. + + SLOANE + Sure. + + FERRIS + (serious) + Today? + + Sloane stares at him. Is he serious. + + FERRIS + I'm game. + + SLOANE + No way! + + FERRIS + I'll do it, if you will. + + Cameron suddenly adds his two cents. + + CAMERON + You need a blood test. + + Ferris looks around at him. + + FERRIS + Huh? + + CAMERON + If your blood's not compatible, + you could produce a pinhead. The + state requires a blood test. + + FERRIS + So? + + CAMERON + So, you can't get married today. + + FERRIS + Tomorrow? + + CAMERON + If you get a blood test today. + + SLOANE + I'm not getting married. + + CAMERON + I'm with you, babe. + + FERRIS + Why not? + + SLOANE + What do you mean, why not? Think + about it. + + FERRIS + Besides being too young and your + father hating my guts and not + having any place to live and feeling + awkward about being the only cheer- + leader with a husband, give me a + good reason why not. + + CAMERON + I'll give you two. My mother and + father. + + Ferris and Sloane look at him curiously. + + CAMERON + They're married and they hate each other. + (to Ferris) + You've seen them. Am I right? + + FERRIS + You're father's a toad and your + Mom's always wired out, but so what? + They're old. That's natural. + + CAMERON + It makes me puke. Seeing people + treat each other like that. It's + like the car. He loves the car. + He hates his wife. + + SLOANE + My parents are divorced. So what? + It's not like it doesn't happen + ten thousand times a day. + + CAMERON + Just because it happens doesn't + make it right. Are you comfortable + with it? + + SLOANE + No. It's not something I can get comfortable + with. I've tried. Are yours divorced? + + CAMERON + They may as well be. + + SLOANE + Do you think they're staying together + because of you? + + Cameron hasn't seen it that way. He shrugs. + + SLOANE + Do they like you? + + It hasn't occured to Cameron that his parents might not like + him. That parental love might not be a given. + + CAMERON + Yeah. Sure. + + SLOANE + Consider this...my father canned me + and my brother and my Mom for a + twenty five year old dipso with fake + tits. He dropped us like a rock. Everything + was cool at our house. I thought so. + We all thought so. Then BLAM! It's over. + + FERRIS + (to CAMERA) + This is all news to me. She keeps a + pretty good secret. + + SLOANE + (to Cameron) + It was pure selfishness. When I have + a kid, I don't care how much I want + something, if it's gonna screw-up the + kid, forget it. + + FERRIS + (to CAMERA) + She's not lying. + + CAMERON + You could change. + + SLOANE + Yeah. But I'm gonna try not to. + I'm gonna think about it. I'm + gonna try to prevent it. + + FERRIS + This is optomism. It's a common + trait with my age group. Adults + think it's cute, it's like a charming + quick that infests youth. But it's + a cool thing and I think, deep down, + crusty old shits wish they had some. + They wish they had her, too. + (points to Sloane) + Sorry. She's taken. + + CAMERON + I'd rather not have my family break + apart, thank you. + + SLOANE + Well, you know what? It ain't up + to you. It's out of your hands. + + CAMERON + So, I in other words, I should just + sit back and watch it crumble? + + SLOANE + You're merely an inhabitant in their + universe. + + FERRIS + Frightening choice of words. + + SLOANE + They call the shots. When you split + from them, you call the shots. + + CAMERON + So, you're saying I should run away? + + FERRIS + No. She's saying it's time for lunch. + + SLOANE + What? + + FERRIS + Let's go feed Cameron. + + They stand up and head out. Ferris hangs back a moment. He + cups his hands to his mouth. He yells at the top of his + voice. + + FERRIS + BUY! + + And he exits. Cool and casual. + +118 INT. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. TRADING FLOOR 118 + + It explodes with activity in response to Ferris' shout. + We HEAR A RADIO ANNOUNCER. + + ANNOUNCER + Commodity prices rose sharply today + in unusually heavy trading... + +119 EXT. RESTAURANT 119 + + A French restaurant on the Gold Coast. It's noon. + +120 INT. RESTAURANT 120 + + Ferris, Sloane and Cameron are standing in the restaurant. + Ferris is looking at the maitre 'd's reservations book. + + HIS POV + + His fingers runs down to a party of three for 12:00. + + INT. RESTAURANT + + The maitre'd returns. + + MAITRE'D + (to Ferris) + May I help you? + + FERRIS + Yes. I'm Abe Frohman. Party of + three for 12:00. + + The maitre'd looks at Ferris curiously. + + FERRIS + Is there a problem? + + MAITRE'D + You're Abe Frohman? + + FERRIS + I'm Abe Frohman. + + MAITRE'D + (chuckles) + I'm sorry, son. I'm very busy right + now. If you have trouble finding the + door... + + Sloane tugs Ferris' sleeve. He ignores her. + + FERRIS + Are you suggesting that I'm not + who I say I am? + + MAITRE'D + Shall I call the police? + + CAMERON + Let's go...Abe. + + FERRIS + I'm not going anywhere. + (to the Maitre'd) + Call the police. Go ahead. Better + yet... + (grabs the phone) + ...I'll call myself. + + Cameron chokes. Sloane grits her teeth. The maitre'd smiles + smuggly. + + CU. PHONE + + Ferris punches out a number. A beat and the restaurant's + second line lights up and the phone rings. + + INT. RESTAURANT + + The maitre'd motions for the phone so that he can answer the + call. Ferris waves him off angrily. + + FERRIS + You touch me and I yell "rat!" + There's another phone around here. + Find it. + + The maitre'd backs off. + + CAMERON + Ferris, let's split, please? + + SLOANE + Cameron's right. We're gonna + get busted. + + FERRIS + Not a chance in the world. + + He hands the phone to Sloane. + + FERRIS + Ask for Abe Frohman. + + INT. RESTAURANT. LATER + + Ferris, Sloane and Cameron are seated in the restaurant. The + maitre'd is hovering over Ferris. + + MAITRE'D + I appreciate your understanding. + + FERRIS + Don't grovel, Charles. Just leave + us to our repast and all will be + forgotten. + + MAITRE'D + Enjoy your luncheon. + + FERRIS + Thank you. + + The maitre'd backs away. Ferris smiles. Sloane is impressed. + Cameron is flushed with nerves. + + FERRIS + Darling, you were wonderful. + + SLOANE + Oh, but I had a wonderful teacher. + + FERRIS + Cameron, dear friend? + + Cameron looks to Ferris. + + FERRIS + And you thought we wouldn't have + any fun. Shame on you. + + Ferris disappears behind his menu. + +121 EXT. SCHOOL 121 + + We HEAR HALLWAY SOUNDS AND JEANIE. + + JEANIE (VO) + Ferris Bueller's days are numbered. + +122 INT. GIRL'S LOCKER ROOM 122 + + Jeanie's sitting on a bench in a field hockey uniform. She's + talking to a FRIEND. + + JEANIE + (mean, vicious) + I'm gonna bust his buns. + + FRIEND + Why? What's the point? + + JEANIE + Why? Because I'm sick of the little + dope. He manipulates my parents, he + does whatever he wants, whenever he + wants and he never gets nailed. + (wicked pause) + Well, babe, today I'm the hammer. + + She yanks angrily on the velcro strap on her sneakers. The + straps rip off in her hand. + + FRIEND + I think he's cute. + + JEANIE + Sweetie, it's an established fact that + you have no taste. Ferris is not cute. + He's not charming. He's not nice. He's + not a wonderful person. He's an ignorant + mule and the sooner everybody in this + school comes to that realization the + better off we'll all be. + + She displays the velcro straps to her friend. + + JEANIE + See? My brother strokes you, you + sympathize with him, I get pissed + off and this is what happens! + + Jeanie tosses the straps on the floor. + + JEANIE + Let me tell you something. I study + hard, I work hard, I'm polite, I'm + considerate, I'm friendly and fair + to all kinds of people. Except + morons. I try to be everything a + good, decent person should be and + you know what? + + FRIEND + Everybody thinks you're an asshole. + + Jeanie freezes with her next sentence pinned to her tongue. + + JEANIE + Excuse me? + + FRIEND + I don't think you're an asshole. + + JEANIE + Who does? + + Her friend smiles sheepishly. + + JEANIE + Rachel? + + Jeanie's friend shrugs, wags her head, does everything but + verbally confirm. + + JEANIE + Rachel's a dirt bag. Who else? + + FRIEND + I don't know. Just forget it. + + JEANIE + Forget that everybody thinks I'm an + asshole? Would you like everybody to + think you're an asshole? + + FRIEND + Not everybody thinks you're an + asshole. Mr. Rooney likes you. + + JEANIE + Oh, hey. That's exciting. A fat + fifty year old clod with B.O. + likes me. + + Jeanie shakes her head in disbelief. + + JEANIE + Would everybody be happier if + maybe I were to die in a flaming + car accident or something? + + FRIEND + Maybe if you didn't cat like and + asshole... + + JEANIE + Am I acting like an asshole? + + FRIEND + I didn't mean it that way. + + JEANIE + I this a conspiracy to shit all + over me or something? Is my brother + behind this? Tell me if he is or I'll + sock your tits. + + FRIEND + You really do have a problem, Jeanie. + + JEANIE + Me? I have a problem? + + FRIEND + Somebody who threatens to sock people's + tits has a problem. + + JEANIE + Alright. How about if I sock your + face? + + Jeanie's friend gets up. + + FRIEND + Take a walk, Jeanie. + + Her friend exits. + + JEANIE + (yells after her) + If it means anything to you, I + have my period! MY BODY'S RIDDING + ITSELF OF OLD EGGS, GODDAMN IT! + + She snarls and slumps against the lockers. + + JEANIE + He's gone. He's over. He's monkey meat. + +123 INT. MEN'S ROOM. CHEZ PAUL 123 + + Ferris is standing at the urinal. + + FERRIS + She's a person who views life as + an ordeal that must be endured. Her + body is a transport vehicle for her + anger. I don't know where she gets + this shit. Basically, the family's + pretty cool. + + He looks down at the urinal. + + FERRIS + I wonder if everybody shoots at + cigarette butts in urinals? Probably + not many women. + (continues) + I used to think that my family was + the only one that had weirdness + in it. It used to worry me. Then I + met Cameron and I saw how his + family functioned. + + He zips this trousers and steps away from the urinal. + + FERRIS + Cameron's home life is really shit. + He wasn't lying. That's why he's sick + all the time. It really upsets him. + What he said about his parents hating + each other? I refuse to sleep over at + his house. His parents fight all the + time. Even when I'm there. Is there + anything worse than being at somebody's + house when their parents are fighting? + It's the absolute height of social + discomfort. + + He checks his hair in the mirror. + + FERRIS + When they go after each other, Cameron + tightens up. It's scary. He gets so + wadded-up, you couldn't pry his buns + apart with a crowbar. The thing with + taking his old man's car? It's good + for him. It teaches him to deal with + his fear. Plus, and I must + be honest here, I love driving it. + I highly recommend picking one up. + + He exists the men's room. We hold a beat. A toilet flushes. + Another beat and Tom walks out of the stall. He crosses to + the sink. + +124 INT. RESTAURANT 124 + + Cameron and Sloane have been served their lunches. They're + staring at the plates. + + CAMERON + What is it? + + SLOANE + I don't know. But it looks like + it's already been eaten and digested. + + CAMERON + I knew it was a mistake letting + Ferris order for us. + + Ferris slides over to the table and drops into his seat. + + FERRIS + What are you doing? + + Cameron looks at Ferris. + + CAMERON + What is this shit? + + FERRIS + You got me. I don't speak French. + + He puts his napkin in his lap and smells his plate. + + FERRIS + I think it's a land-based beefoid + creature. + + He takes a bite. He savors the taste. + + FERRIS + Splendid. + + CAMERON + Really? + + FERRIS + Superb. + + Cameron and Sloane try theirs. They chew tentatively. + + FERRIS + Good? + + Sloane and Cameron shrug. It's not bad. A WAITER passes. + Ferris stops him. + + FERRIS + Yo, Clouseau! + + The waiter stops and looks at Ferris indignantly. + + FERRIS + I have a growth on my brain that + causes memory lapses. Could you + tell me what we ordered here? + + The waiter glances at the plates. + + WAITER + Sweetbreads. + + FERRIS + Uh, huh. And what might that be? + + WAITER + Pancreas. + + FERRIS + As in the gland that has important + functions in digestion and metabolism? + + CU. SLOANE AND CAMERON + + They stop chewing. They're holding their sweetbreads in their + mouths. + + CU. FERRIS + + He continues his questioning. + + FERRIS + ...That secretes a thick, colorless fluid + containing digestive enzymes? The home + of the world famous isles of Langerhans? + + CU. WAITER + + He nods broadly, knowing that he's spoiling the kids' meal. + + CU. SLOANE AND CAMERON + + They look at each other. + + CU. FERRIS + + He pats his mouth with his napkin. He looks to Cameron and + Sloane. He raises a finger, holds it a beat and gives a cue. + + CU. WAITER + + He turns away as Sloane and Cameron spit out their food. + + CU. FERRIS + + He watches Sloane and Cameron then glances at the waiter. + + FERRIS + Check, please! + +125 EXT. RESTAURANT 125 + + Tom and his two GUESTS are standing at the curb, talking. A + cab is waiting. The door's open. In the B.G. Ferris, Sloane + and Cameron come out of the restaurant. They approach the + cab. Tom's back it to Ferris. Ferris stops cold. + + FERRIS, SLOANE, CAMERON + + They turns on cue at Tom, now in the B.G., turns toward the + restaurant. + + FERRIS + 40,000 restaurants in the downtown + area and I pick the one my father + goes to. + + CAMERON + We're gonna get nabbed, for sure. + + FERRIS + No way, Cameron. Only the meek + get nabbed. The bold survive. + Let's go. + + He turns to the cab. Sloane and Cameron turn slowly. + + EXT. STREET. CAB + + Tom and his party are still jawing at curbside. Ferris, + Sloane and Cameron slowly approach the cab. Behind the backs + of the men, Ferris scoots Sloane into the cab. Cameron + dashes in. The Ferris hops the cab. + + INT. CAB + + Ferris slams the door. + + CU. CAB DOOR HANDLE + + A man's hand reaches for the handle as the cab pulls away. + + EXT. RESTAURANT + + Tom and his guests watch in bewilderment at their cab takes + off. MUSIC COMES UP. + +126 EXT. MUSEUM OR SCIENCE AND INDUSTRY 126 + + The grand old Chicago museum. + +127 INT. MUSEUM. OVERHEAD SHOT 127 + + The main gallery is crowded with school kids. + + INT. MUSEUM. FLOOR + + A class of kids walking along holding hands. Among the + second graders are Ferris, Sloane and Cameron, holding hands + looking like giant grade schoolers. + + INT. MUSEUM. DISPLAY CASE + + Baby chicks are hatching in a huge, round incubator. Sloane, + Ferris and Cameron are intently watching the process. + + INT. MUSEUM. COAL MINE + + Sloane, Ferris and Cameron ride in the coal train in the + coal mine replica. Ferris and Sloane are making out. + + INT. MUSEUM. INDUSTRIAL DISPLAY + + Sloane operates a metal press to produce a tin ashtray. + + INT. MUSEUM. HEART REPLICA + + A giant, walk-thru replica of a human heart. Ferris staggers + out of it, clutching his heart, feigning a massive heart + attack. + + INT. GERMAN U-BOAT + + Ferris is examining the controls of the captured U-Boat. He + checks to see if he's being watched then he presses a button + and pulls a lever. + + CU. PROPELLER + + For the first time in forty years, the screw turns. + + CU. HUMAN FETUS IN A BOTTLE + + The famous stages of life display which features bottled + fetuses. The ninth month. A tiny human being in a jar. + + CU. SLOANE, FERRIS, CAMERON + + Sloane wants to cry. Cameron's stomach is in his throat. + Ferris is lost in thought. The MUSIC ENDS. + + SLOANE + (remorsefully) + I wonder if he has a name? + + FERRIS + (blank) + Ninth Month. + +128 EXT. CHICAGO RIVER. LONG, HIGH SHOT 128 + + From the Merchandise Mart, looking down the fetid, green + swath of water. A boat is rolling up the man-made canyon. + + CAMERON (VO) + Are you guys worried about nuclear war? + + FERRIS (VO) + Cameron, it's a beautiful day, we've + won our freedom, we're traveling down + one of American's most scenic polluted + waterways and you have to bring up + nuclear war? + + SLOANE (VO) + It is kind of raggy subject, Cam. + + CAMERON (VO) + Regardless. It's with us every day. + The possiblity of global destruction. + + SLOANE (VO) + Don't you think it's an issue because + people need something to worry about? + They have to like, have some major + problem that puts all their little + bullshit into some kind of persepective? + + CAMERON (VO) + Maybe. + + FERRIS + They used to have Viet Nam. They + used to have the oil crisis stuff + and Iran. That's over and people + have to have their big issue. It's + not like somebody came up with the + nuclear holocaust yesterday at + noon, you know. + + SLOANE (VO) + To answer your question...No, I'm not + worried about it at all. + + FERRIS (VO) + We don't know when the bombs going + off. We do know, however, that college + starts in the fall. + + CAMERON (VO) + (dramatic, deadly serious) + Do you know what a nuclear winter is? + + Long beat. + + SLOANE (VO) + Yeah. Everybody's dead, it's real + cold and the skiing's for shit. + + The boat makes the turn in the river and CLEARS FRAME. + + EXT. BOAT DOCK + + The three are sitting on the aft deck of the tour boat. + Their feet are up on the railing. Very casual, very relaxed. + Discussing the end of the world. + + SLOANE + My step-father's always going off about + how when he was young he was committed to + all these causes. + + FERRIS + He's full of shit. All the old hippies + are full of shit. + + SLOANE + He says I don't care about things like + he did. + + FERRIS + What's he care about now? + + SLOANE + Baldness, fatty meats and money. + + FERRIS + I rest my case. + + CAMERON + What's spooky is they still control + everything. They took over when they + were young and they never gave it up. + + FERRIS + One of the most frightening experiences + of my young life has been observing + my parents and our neighbors playing + the Baby Boom Edition of Trivial Pursuits. + It's chilling to see people crazed with + the minutia of their past. + + CAMERON + It's human nature to like what you had + better than what you have. + + SLOANE + Agreed. + + A loud speaker on the boat identifies a point of interest. + + LOUDSPEAKER + TO YOUR LEFT IT THE WORLD'S TALLEST + BUILDING... + + The three look to the left. + + LOUDSPEAKER, FERRIS, + SLOANE, CAMERON + The Sears Tower. + + CAMERON + You know, this is all very interesting + but I'm starving. + + FERRIS + An hour ago you wanted to yack. + + CAMERON + I feel better now. + + FERRIS + Lean over and grab a fish. + + Cameron looks over the side of the boat. An obtuse thought + flashes through Sloane's brain. + + SLOANE + What comes after a nuclear winter? + + FERRIS + Nuclear spring. + +129 EXT. SCHOOL 129 + + Meanwhile... + +130 INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE DEAN'S OFFICE 130 + + Jeanie is having a small moral debate with herself. + + JEANIE + It's reprehensible to squeal on + your own flesh and blood...but it's + for his own good. His cavalier + attitude will get him into trouble + later in life...and it'll continue + to piss me off and I'll get so + wadded-up that it'll cause cervex cancer + and he'll ruin my life. Screw him. + + She slips into the Dean's outer office. + +131 INT. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE 131 + + Rooney's secretary is behind her desk. Jeanie walks in. The + secretary looks up and greets her with a weary smile. + + SECRETARY + Hello, Jeanie. Who's bothering + you now? + + Jeanie scowls at her. + + JEANIE + Is Dean Rooney in? + + SECRETARY + I'm sorry, he's out. Can I help you? + + JEANIE + (condescending) + I seriously doubt it. When's he back? + + SECRETARY + I don't know. He left the grounds + on personal business. + +132 EXT. STREET. CU. CURB 132 + + A car tire rolls into FRAME and stops. Slide across to the + sidewalk. Rooney's dress shoe steps out onto the pavement. + Move up to reveal Rooney standing at the door of his + bile-green LeBaron. Rooney peels off his shades and looks + around like he's Dirty Harry. In his mind he is Dirty Harry. + + CU. FIRE HYDRANT + + Rooney's dres shoe on the hydrant. He ties his lace and + pulls up his sock. + + EXT. STREET + + Rooney straightens his tie and jacket and slips into a rowdy + hot dog joint. + +133 INT. HOT DOG STAND 133 + + It's jammed with construction workers, secretaries, suburban + businessmen. It's loud and confusing. Rooney pushes his way + in and scopes the crowd. + + HIS POV + + A young person is playing a video game in a far corner. + + CU. ROONEY + + He suspects it's Ferris. It look sort of like Ferris. He + smiles and cuts into the crowd. + + CU. THE BACK OF THE VIDEO PLAYER'S HEAD + + MOVE IN on the player. + + ROONEY (OC) + I've been waiting a long time + for this. + + The player looks up. + + ROONEY (OC) + Your ass is mine. + + The player turns around. It's a GIRL. + + CU. ROONEY + + The blood evacuates his face. He stares at the girl. + + CU. GIRL + + She stares at him. She picks up her Coke. She puts the straw + to her lips and sucks. + + CU. ROONEY + + He's still staring. He can't think of anything to say. + + CU. GIRL + + Holding the straw in the mouth, she draws it out of the cup. + She raises it, pointing it directly in Rooney's face. + + CU. ROONEY + + He squints + + CU. GIRL + + She blows a strawful of Coke in Rooney's face. + + CU. NAPKIN HOLDER + + A hand yanks a napkin hold. + + INT. HOT DOG STAND. SERVICE COUNTER + + Rooney wipes his face. Behind him is the kitchen and a + grease-covered TV set broadcasting a Cubs baseball game. + There's a long foul ball. The TV camera follows the ball + into the stands. A kid makes a stab at the ball. Rooney + wipes his suit off. The TV camera zooms in on the boy + triumphantly holding the foul ball aloft. It's Ferris. + He does a little celebration dance. Rooney wads up the + napkin and tosses it in a trashbin. The TV camera returns to + the game. Rooney glances at the screen. + + ROONEY + What's the score? + + HOT DOG MAN + Zero to zero. + + ROONEY + Who's winning? + + HOT DOG MAN + Cubs. + + Rooney nods and exits. + +134 EXT. WRIGLEY FIELD. STANDS 134 + + Ferris sits down with the baseball. He shakes his stinging + paw. On either side of him are Cameron and Sloane. Cameron's + scarfing nachos. + + FERRIS + I think I broke my thumb. + + SLOANE + Can we leave now? + + FERRIS + You want to leave? We just got here. + + SLOANE + You got a call, you broke your thumb, + what's left to do? + + Cameron offers his nachos to Sloane. She looks at them with + disgust. + + SLOANE + No wonder you're always sick. + + Ferris leans back, puts his hands behind his head and turns + his face to the bright sun. + + FERRIS + Do you realize that if I played by + the rules, right now I'd be in gym? + +135 EXT. HIGH SCHOOL. PLAYING FIELD 135 + + A boy's gym class is doing laps. A blue Fiat pulls into the + shot. + +136 INT. FIAT 136 + + Jeanie's at the wheel. She sneaks a glance at the school. + + JEANIE + I can't believe my brother's making + me put myself in a position where I + could get expelled. Selfish little + moron. + (pause) + Ferris? You're overshadowed + me long enough. I'm gonna get + you, buddy. + + She puts the car in gear and drives out of the shot. + +137 EXT. STATE STREET 137 + + A parade is underway. Floats and politicians. Marching + bands, drum and bugle corps, soldiers, school kids. Figure + skating club in outfits and skates performing their routines + on pavement. It's GERMAN-AMERICAN APPRECIATION DAY. + + EXT. STATE STREET. FLOAT + + Riding atop on a float is Ferris. He's waving to the crowd. + He and half a dozen homely German-American Beauty Queens. + He's leading the girls in singing, "DANKE SHOEN". + + EXT. STATE STREET. SLOANE AND CAMERON + + They're watching Ferris go by. They wave to him. + + SLOANE + I love him. + + CAMERON + It's hard not to. + + Cameron breaks a smile. As worried as he is about the day + and getting caught, he has to admire Ferris for his lack of + inhabitions. Cameron mumbles a few words. + + CAMERON + Stop...water...want... + + SLOANE + Do you believe in reincarnation? + + CAMERON + Huh? + + SLOANE + Do you believe that you lived before? + + CAMERON + Yeah. Sort of. + + SLOANE + DO you ever wonder what you were? + + CAMERON + I don't have to wonder. I know. + + Sloane looks at him with amazement. + + CAMERON + I was a tractor tire. + + EXT. STATE STREET. FLOAT + + Ferris is on his knees, reaching down from the float, + shaking hands with people in the crowd. + + FERRIS + Guten tag, dude! + + EXT. STATE STREET + + Sloane and Cameron continue their conversation. + + CAMERON + What were you in a previous life? + + SLOANE + I'm not sure but I think I know + who Ferris was. + + CAMERON + Hannibal. + + SLOANE + From the A-Team? + + CAMERON + No. The guy who rode the elephants + into Switzerland. + + Sloane laughs at herself. They step out of the crowd and + head down the street in the direction the parade's heading. + + SLOANE + I think if he was anybody, he + was Magellan. You know, the guy + who went around the world. + + Cameron nods. + + SLOANE + I could see him ignoring popular + belief and taking off on some + impossible mission. + + CAMERON + Yeah. As long as I've known him, + everything works for him. There's + nothing he can't handle. I can't + handle anything. School, parents, + the future. Ferris can do anything. + + EXT. STATE STREET. FLOAT + + Ferris is playing "TWIST AND SHOUT" on the accordian. The + girls on the float are singing. + + FERRIS + WELL, SHAKE IT UP, BABY, NOW! + + GIRLS + SHAKE IT UP, BABY + + FERRIS + TWIST AND SHOUT! + + GIRLS + TWIST AND SHOUT! + + FERRIS + COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, BABY ON! + COME ON AND WORK IT ON OUT! + + GIRLS + WORK IT ON OUT! + + EXT. STREET. SLOANE AND CAMERON + + They continue their conversation. + + SLOANE + The future's worse for a boy, isn't + it? + + Cameron doesn't understand what she means. + + SLOANE + A girl can always bail out and + have a baby and get some guy + to support her. + + CAMERON + That's a pretty grim thought. + + SLOANE + True, but it's an option. No options + is worse. + + CAMERON + I don't know what I'm gonna do. + + SLOANE + College. + + CAMERON + Yeah, but to do what? + + SLOANE + What are you interested in? + + CAMERON + Nothing. + + SLOANE + Me either. + + They walk on for a few beats. We HEAR "TWIST AND SHOUT" + GROWING LOUDER AND LOUDER. The sons is taking over all the + other tunes in the band. It's infecting the entire parade. + + CAMERON + What do you think Ferris is gonna + do? + + EXT. STATE STREET. MARCHING BAND + + They're playing TWIST AND SHOUT. + + EXT. STREET. MOUNTED POLICE OFFICER + + He's singing. + + POLICE OFFICER + YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO GOOD! + + EXT. STREET. PUNKS + + A band of PUNKS are dancing on the roof of a news kiosk. + + PUNKS + LOOK SO GOOD! + + EXT. STREET MOTHER AND HER CHILDREN + + A WOMAN and her two TODDLERS sing along. + + WOMAN + YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO FINE! + + TODDLERS + LOOK SO FINE! + + EXT. STREET. BLACK TEENAGER + + He's wearing a shower cap and a maroon overcoat. + + TEENAGER + COME ON AND TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! + + EXT. STREET. OLD NEWSPAPER SELLER + + He singing along. + + NEWSPAPER SELLER + TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! + + EXT. STREET. CHOIR GROUP + + They're marching down the parade. They're singing in their + angleic voices. + + CHOIR + AND LET ME KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! + + EXT. STREET. STREET CLEANERS + + With their brooms ready... + + STREET CLEANERS + KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE! + + EXT. STREET. DECK + + The entire parade is singing and playing "TWIST AND SHOUT". + + EXT. STREET. VIEWING STAND + + The POLITICIANS and their WIVES stand up. + + POLITICIANS AND WIVES + AH! + + EXT. STREET. VIEWING STAND + + The CLERGYMEN stand. + + CLERGYMEN + AH! + + EXT. STREET. VETERANS + + Marching in formation and in WWII uniforms. + + VETERANS + AH! + + EXT. STREET. FLOAT + + Ferris leads the Beauty Queens in the rousing finale. + + FERRIS + AH! + + EXT. STREET. WIDE AND HIGH + + The entire parade is at frenzy pitch. + + PARADE + AHHHHH! + + The SOUND OF THE VOICES blends with the SOUND OF A RED-LINED + HIGH PERFORMANCE ENGINE. + +138 EXT. CALUMET CITY 138 + + The Port of Chicago. Grim, gritty waterfront. Suddenly, + Cameron's father's car flies OVER CAMERA. Like the opening + shot in Star Wars. The Starship Ferrari. SLO-MO. + + CU. FERRARI UNDER-CARRIAGE + + It travels past to reveal a beautiful blue sky. SLO-MO. + + CU. PARKING ATTENDANT + + His eyes are wide with exhilaration. Mouth open, tongue out. + Maniac at the wheel. SLO-MO. + + CU. RASTAMAN + + His eyes are closed. Big smile. SLO-MO, + + EXT. STREETS. KIDS + + They're looking up in the air, following the car as it flies + over them. Broad, excited smiles. The car's shadow passes + over them. SLO-MO. + +139 CU. CAR GRILLE 139 + + It fills the frame and stops. We MOVE UP to reveal Rooney + behind the wheel of his car. + + EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE + + Rooney gets out of his car. He looks at the house, looks up + and down the street, then crosses to Ferris' house. + +140 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 140 + + Rooney's at the front door. We see him peek in a window at + the top of the door. The doorbell rings. + +141 INT. HOUSE. FERRIS' ROOM. COMPUTER 141 + + It acknowledges the doorbell. + + CU. CASSETTE PLAYER + + It clicks on. + +142 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT PORCH 142 + + The house intercom activates. We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE. + + FERRIS + Who is it? + + Rooney presses the intercom. + + ROONEY + This is Ed Rooney, Ferris. I'd + like to have a word with you. + + FERRIS' VOICE + I'm sorry I can't come to the door + right now. I'm very ill and I'm + afraid that in my weakened condition, + I could take a nasty spill down the + stairs and subject myself to further + school absenses. + + There's a pause. Rooney presses the intercom again. + + ROONEY + B.S. Come down here. + + FERRIS' VOICE + You can reach my parents at their + places of business. Thank you for + stopping by. I appreciate your concern + for my well-being. It will be remembered + long after this illness has past. + + His voice clicks off. Rooney presses the intercom again. + + ROONEY + I'm not leaving until you come + down and talk to me. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Have a nice day. + + Rooney presses the intercom. + + ROONEY + I'm not leaving, Ferris. + + There's no response. Rooney rings the doorbell again. The + pre-recorded litany starts over. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Who is it? + + Rooney doesn't realize that he's listening to a recording. + + ROONEY + Don't get smart with me Ferris! + + FERRIS' VOICE + I'm sorry I can't come to the door + right now. I'm very ill and I'm + afraid that in my weakened condition... + + Rooney leans back from the door. He can't quite figure out + what's going on. But's it's highly suspicious. + +143 INT. HOUSE. LIVING ROOM 143 + + Rooney steps through the hedges and peeks in the windows. We + HEAR FERRIS' VOICE inside. + + FERRIS' VOICE + You may reach my parents at their + places of business. + +144 INT. HOUSE. KITCHEN 144 + + Rooney tries to peak in the kitchen window. + + FERRIS' VOICE + I appreciate your conern for my + well-being. It will be remembered + long after... + +145 EXT. HOUSE. BACKDOOR 145 + + A black rubber doggie door. The type that allows a dog to + come and go as it pleases. Rooney is crouched down. He lifts + the doggie door and peeks in the house. + + HIS POV + + Along the kitchen floor. Through the kitchen, into the + dining room. We hear a LARGE DOG GROWL. + + CU. ROONEY + + He's peaking through the door. He hears the dog. His face + freezes. + + FERRIS + Have a nice day. + + EXT. HOUSE. DOGGIE DOOR + + A Rottweiler bursts through the doggie door in a fury of + gnashing teeth and foam. + +146 CU. LARGE BREASTS 146 + + Tassled pasties twirl like airplane propellers. + + CU. CAMERON, FERRIS AND SLOANE + + They're sitting in a booth in the garish, nearly deserted + strip joint. Cameron's mouth is open in amazement. Sloane is + embarrassed and revolted. + + CAMERON + How does she do that? One goes + one way, one goes the other. + + FERRIS + She's probably schizophrenic. + + SLOANE + Ferris, this is nauseating me. + Really. I'm losing respect for + you by the bucket. + + FERRIS + You don't think it's amazing that + we got in? + + SLOANE + Who wants to get in? + + FERRIS + Cameron looks like a toddler, for + Christ's sake. I'm talking about + a major achievement in false + identification. + + SLOANE + I'm not interested in watching + someone jiggle their mammary glands. + + FERRIS + Point well taken. But consider why + she does it. Why she does it and + you don't. + + SLOANE + I'm not a tramp. + + FERRIS + Maybe her life fell apart. Maybe she + lost somebody. A lover. A boyfriend. + A parent. A child... + (to CAMERA) + This kind of thing makes me a little + depressed. You may think because I'm + the age I am that I'm a sex maniac. + That sex is all I think about. + But that's not true. I'm a romantic. + I think alot of people my age are. + We think about love and matters of + the heart. And SAT scores and acne + aside, we worry about lonliness. It's + a terrible thing. And we feel it. I + feel it. + + He flips his collar up, curls his lip and affects an Elvis + impression. A sappy, do-wop track FADES UP. The club lights + go down. Cameron and Sloane disappear into darkness. Ferris + stands up from the booth. He strolls slowly through the + empty club as the stripper bumps and grinds in a pool of + blue light. + + FERRIS + You know, someone said the world's a + stage and each must play a part. + Fate had me playing in love, with you + as my sweetheart. Act one was when we + met. I loved you at first glance. You + read your lines so cleverly and never + missed a cue. Then came act two. You + seemed to change. You acted strange. + And why, I've never known. + + He climbs up on the little runway. The stripper disappears + in darkness as Ferris takes over the spotlight. + + FERRIS + Honey, you lies when you said you + loved me and I had no cause to + doubt you. But I'd rather go on + hearing your lies than to go on + living without you. Now, the stage + is bare and I'm standing there with + emptiness all around and if you won't + come back to me, then they can bring + the curtain down... + + Elvis fades up. The orignal recording. Ferris lip synchs + with the big, dramatic florish that was the King's trademark + ballad sign-off. + + ELVIS + IS YOUR HEART FILLED WITH PAIN? + SHALL I COME BACK AGAIN? + TELL ME DEAR, ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT? + + Ferris drops his head. Like the King would. + +147 EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET. CAMERON'S CAR 147 + + Cameron's father is looking at the car. He's studying it. It + looks terribly familiar. He leans into the open car and + reaches for the glovebox to see if the contents will confirm + if it's his. He freezes. He looks up slowly. + + HIS POV + + The Attendant and the Rastaman are glowering at him. They're + holding bags of fried chicken. + + ATTENDANT + You looking for something in my + car? + + CU. CAMERON'S FATHER + + He shakes his head, no. + + CAMERON'S FATHER + No. + +148 EXT. FERRIS' TOWN. JEANIE 148 + + Jeanie's standing at her car. She's staring incredulously + into the distance. Her mouth's open. She's shaking her head + slowly. + + HER POV + + Spray-painted on the town water tower in gigantic black + letters -- SAVE FERRIS BUELLER. + + CU. JEANIE + + She's furious. + + JEANIE + I'm gonna microwave his nuts... + +149 EXT. MICHIGAN AVENUE 149 + + Afternoon traffic. + +150 INT. TAXI CAB 150 + + Ferris, Sloane and Cameron in the backseat of a checker. + Ferris is on one window, Cameron on the other. Sloane's in + the middle. Ferris is talking to the DRIVER. + + FERRIS + So... + + He leans forward and reads the driver's name off the city + license. + + FERRIS + So, Yuri, how long have you been + in America? + + DRIVER + One year. + + FERRIS + What's your overall impression? + + DRIVER + It's very good here. + + FERRIS + Better than Russia? + + DRIVER + Much better here than in Russia. + + FERRIS + Clearly you've never been to an + American high school. + + Ferris sits back. He puts his arm around Sloane. + + CAMERON + It's getting late, Ferris. I have + to get the car home. I know you + don't care, but it means my ass. + + FERRIS + You think I don't care? + + CAMERON + I know you don't care. + + FERRIS + That hurts, Cameron. + + SLOANE + Jump back, Ferris, Cameron's been + a good sport. + + FERRIS + Cameron, what'd you see today? + + Cameron looks at him. + + FERRIS + You saw four states, a submarine, + a giant heart, seventy five dollars + worth of cooked pancreas, two of the + most incredible breasts ever to come + out of modern plastics, major + league baseball and... + (quizical look) + Are you gonna chuck your nachos? + + Cameron's staring past Ferris. He's frozen. Ferris realizes + he's looking at something out the window. He turns. He + freezes. + + HIS POV + + In the gridlock traffic, their cab is squeezed tight + alongside another cab. In that cab is Tom. He's about a foot + from Ferris. He turns and looks right into CAMERA. + + TOM'S POV + + Ferris' frozen face. + + FERRIS' POV + + Tom glances back at his paper. He pauses. Looks up. Thinks. + Turns back to CAMERA. + + TOM'S POV + + Sloane is sitting where Ferris was. She's wearing + sunglasses, looking bored. She turns and glances out the + window. Fakes a yawn. + + HER POV + + Tom stares at her. He's baffled. He looks away. + + INT. CAB. FLOOR. + + Cameron and Ferris are on the floor. On their asses, with + their backs to the back of the front seat, feet up on the + seat. + + FERRIS + (to Sloane) + What's he doing? + + SLOANE + (revolted) + He's looking at me and he's licking + the glass and making obscene gestures + with his hands. + + FERRIS + What?! + + Sloane bursts out laughing. + + SLOANE + Roast! + + She licks her finger and touches Ferris knee. She makes a + sizzling sound. She collapes on the seat in hysterics. + + INT. TOM'S CAB + + Tom's looking into Ferris' cab. + + HIS POV + + Sloane's bouncing up and down. + + CU. TOM + + He can't quite figure out what's going on. He turns and + slowly raises his newspaper over his face. We see on the + back of the paper a small story with the headline: COMMUNITY + RALLIES AROUND SICK YOUTH. + +151 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE. BACKYARD. DOG 151 + + The Rottweiler's chewing on a shoe. Tearing it apart. + + EXT. BACKYARD. ROONEY + + He's standing outside the fence. He's missing a shoe. His + suit pants are torn from the crotch to the knee. His suit + coat pocket is torn off. His hair's messed and there're + grass-stains on his knees and elbows. He's looking in at the + dog. + + ROONEY + That's a $28.00 dress shoe, you + worthless mutt! + + HIS POV + + The Rottweiler leaps at CAMERA. + +152 EXT. CITY STREET 152 + + Ferris is leading the way down Michigan Avenue. He's + hustling through the crowd. He has Sloane by the hand. She's + jogging to keep up. Cameron's a few steps behind. He keeps + bumping into people. Ferris and Sloane make the turn at + Wacker Driver and disappear into the Stone Container + Building. Cameron follows, mumbling again. + + CAMERON + Money...tits...please... + +153 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT 153 + + A florist truck pulls up in front of the house. A DELIVERY + MAN gets out iwth a huge floral arrangement. He heads up to + the house. + +154 EXT. HOUSE. PORCH 154 + + Rooney's sitting on the porch patting a bloody knee with his + handkerchief. The delivery man hops up on the steps. Rooney + looks up at him. He greets Rooney cheerily. + + DELIVERY MAN + Howdy! + + He presses the doorbell. A beat and we hear Ferris' + recording. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Who is it? + + The Deliver Man presses the intercom. + + DELIVERY MAN + Focus on Flowers. I have a delivery. + + FERRIS' VOICE + I'm sorry but I can't come to the + door right now. I'm very ill and I'm + afraid... + + ROONEY FERRIS' VOICE + It's a recording, asshole. ...that in my weakened + condition, I could take a + DELIVERY MAN nasty spill and subject + What's your problem? myself to further school + absenses... + ROONEY (pause) + He's one of my students. You can reach my parents + at their places of + DELIVERY MAN business. Thank you for + Little bugger's dying. stopping by. I appreciate + your concern for my well- + ROONEY being. It will be + What? remembered long after + this illness has passed. + + DELIVERY MAN + As I heard it from our mailman + he was supposedly born with only + half a kidney. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Have a nice day. + + DELIVERY MAN + (to the intercom) + Thank you. + (continues) + I don't know the details. But my + boss had to send to Milwaukee to + get more orchids. He's very + popular. + + Rooney is flabbergasted. + + DELIVERY MAN + Nobody's home here? + + ROONEY + No. + + DELIVERY MAN + You gonna be around for awhile? + + ROONEY + I imagine so. + + DELIVERY MAN + You wanna keep an eye on these? + + Rooney looks at the flowers. Then he looks at the Delivery + Man. + + DELIVERY MAN + (happy sigh) + It really touches me that so many people + are rallying behind this guy. I guess + there's hope for the human race afterall. + + He hands the arrangement to Rooney. + + DELIVERY MAN + Gotta run. + + He bounds off the porch and trots to the truck. Rooney looks + incredulously at the arrangement. He opens the attached + card. + + ROONEY + (defeated) + Oh, Christ... + + CU. CARD + + It's signed: + + ALL OUR BEST FOR A SPEEDY RECOVERY + THE ENGLISH DEPT. FACULTY AND STAFF + +155 INT. RADIO STATION STUDIO 155 + + The number one afternoon FM rock'n roll D.J. is sitting + behind his microphone. + + D.J. + I don't know who that was or + what they were playing but I + apologize for it nonetheless. + (pause) + I have a guest with me today... + +156 INT. STUDIO. FERRIS 156 + + He put his headphones on. + +157 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 157 + + Jeanie's car pull in the driveway. We hear her car radio. + + D.J. + His name is Ferris Mueller. + + FERRIS + Bueller. Ferris Bueller. + + INT. CAR. JEANIE + + She goes into shock. Her eyes blink, her head cocks. + + D.J. + Sorry about that. + + FERRIS + It's cool. + + Jeanie draws back and punches out her radio. + + CU. CAR ANTENNA + + The impact of her blow to the radio shoots the antenna in + the air. + +158 INT. STUDIO 158 + + Ferris leans forward and adjusts the microphone. + + D.J. + He has an incredible story. + + Ferris turns to CAMERA. + + FERRIS + I'm going to tell a massive lie here. + It's going to by very thick and very + steamy. I think radio's a facinating + medium, it challenges the imagination. + Unlike television which provides the + images, radio... + (pause) + You know this. Anyway, it's always been + a dream of mine to be on the radio. + I have what I consider to be an excellent + broadcast voice. I practise it in the + bathroom all the time. I used to play + records and do introductions to them. + But I've never had the chance to sit + behind a microphone and try it out + for real. This is a 50,000 watt outlet. + I'm going out to several million people + so let me just say, I'm in a very pleasant + groove right now. + (clears his voice, + speaks into the + mike, affects a + "radio" voice) + Well, Steve, you and your listeners are + probably not going to believe this but... + +159 INT. SCHOOL 159 + + A group of kids are sitting around a blaster. + + FERRIS' VOICE + ...I'm the first Chicago area youth + to be selected to participate in + a space shuttle mission. + +160 INT. STUDIO 160 + + Ferris turns from the mike to CAMERA. + + FERRIS + I was going to say I knew Springsteen's + home phone number and I was going + to give out the number of the New + Jersey State Police but I thought I + might get busted. After I got flunked + in driver's ed for sideswiping a mail + box, which was not in any way, shape + or from my fault. I was putting out a + cigarette, like I was told. It was weird. + I'm so used to getting in a car and + lighting up, because I'm not allowed to + smoke at home, that I got in the driver's + ed. car and spaced completely, pulled out + of the lot, lit up a 'boro and Mrs. Heller + looked at me like I'd just pulled a bunny + out of my nose or something and I realized + what the hell I was doing and I went to + put it out and hit the mail box. Anyway, + I was so pissed off at her reaction to + the whole thing that I considered running + an ad in a sleaze magazine for a school + teacher that does phone sex and I was gonna + use Mrs. Heller's home number but is cost + too much. I took it again and passed. But + I had to work at Burger King to get the + cash to pay for the driver's ed. car. The + car got fixed in auto shop for nothing and + I think Rooney pocketed the cash. But I + can't prove it? I'm in high school, remember? + + He turns back to the DJ. + + D.J. + How did you get picked for this. + + FERRIS + It's kind of a long story but I've + been doing alot of programming for + NASA. + +161 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 161 + + A even larger group of kids is listening to the blaster. + They're cheering him on. + +162 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE. BACKYARD 162 + + The Rottweiler is laying unconscious on the lawn. The flower + arrangement is scattered all over the yard and the ceramic + vase the flowers were in has obviously struck the dog. The + broken pieces are all around the dog's head. + + EXT. FERRIS HOUSE. BACKYARD. ROONEY + + He's smiling with great satisfaction. + + ROONEY + Sleep tight, pooch. + + He hears something in the house. His head snaps around. He + drops down and peek in the windows. + + HIS POV + + A glimpse of a fleeting figure. + + CU. ROONEY + + His eyes dance in anticipation of revenge. + +163 INT. HOUSE. FERRIS' ROOM 163 + + Jeanie kicks the door open. The yardstick flings the covers + and the pillows beneath them in the air. She stomps in and + turns off the snoring synthesizer. + + JEANIE + I knew it! + + She grabs the phone and sits down. She dials a number. + +164 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT 164 + + Rooney sneaks around the side of the house. He slinks up on + the porch. The front door's open. He peeks in. + +165 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 165 + + Jeanie's on the phone. + + JEANIE + Is Mrs. Bueller there? Where is she? + This is her daughter. Do you know where + she is? Do you know when she'll be back? + Do you know anything? + + She slams the phone down. + + JEANIE + The worm has luck like clams + have body odor... + + She's startled by a noise downstairs. A smile spreads across + her face. He's back and she's going to nail him. + +166 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 166 + + Rooney sneaks into the house. He looks around the foyer and + heads into the kitchen. + +167 INT. HOUSE. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY 167 + + Jeanie tiptoes down the stairs. + +168 INT. HOUSE. KITCHEN 168 + + Rooney sneaks through the kitchen into the den. + +169 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 169 + + Jeanie comes down the stairs into the foyer. + +170 INT. HOUSE. KITCHEN 170 + + Rooney comes out of the den, back into the kitchen. He + crosses back toward the foyer. + +171 INT. FOYER 171 + + Jeanie sneaks into the kitchen. + +172 INT. KITCHEN 172 + + Jeanie and Rooney come face-to-face. Jeanie squeals in + horror. She doesn't recognize Rooney as himself but as an + intruder. She drops into a karate stance and kicks Rooney in + the face. He hits the deck. She flees back up the stairs. + +173 INT. CAR 173 + + Boyd is sitting in the backseat of Joyce's car listening to + the radio. + + FERRIS' VOICE + My input on the Star Wars defense + plan was pretty substantial so I + guess this is their way of rewarding + me. I'm pretty flattered. + + EXT. CAR + + Joyce and her clients leave a show house and head toward the + car. + + INT. CAR + + Boyd looks out the window as his parents and Joyce appear. + + D.J. VOICE + Can you stay around and take a few + phone calls? + + FERRIS' VOICE + I'd really like to but I have a kidney + operation in about an hour. + + EXT. CAR + + Joyce and her clients take one last look at the house. + + JOYCE + If you're willing to commit a + little time and a little money + to this place, you can really + have something to be proud of. + Don't let the black living room + throw you off. + + She opens the car door. + + INT. CAR + + The door opens. + + D.J. VOICE + I wish you the best of luck. + + FERRIS' VOICE + Thanks, Steve. + + D.J. VOICE + A very interesting guy, Ferris Bueller. + + Joyce gets in. The clients get in the other side. A song + starts. + + JOYCE + (to the kid) + Well, Boyd, how are you bearing + up? + + The kid stares at her. + + JOYCE + Did I tell you I have a son + your age? + + BOYD + Twice. + + JOYCE + His name is Ferris. I think you'd + like him. + + Boyd sits up in the seat at the mention of Ferris' name. + + BOYD + Is he going up in the space shuttle + in September? + + Joyce looks around at Boyd. She gives him a curious look. + + JOYCE + Not that I know of. + + BOYD + I knew he was bullshitting. + + MOTHER + Watch your mouth. + + BOYD + How do you watch your mouth? + + JOYCE + Do you know my son? + + FATHER + Don't pay any attention to him. + He thinks it's cute to bait adults. + + BOYD + I don't think it's cute. I think + it's fun. + + Joyce give him a puzzled smile and starts the car. + +174 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 174 + + Jeanie's on the phone. She's in a panic. + + JEANIE + This is not a phoeny phone call. There's + an intruder, male caucasian, possibly armed, + certainly weird, in our kitchen. + (pause) + My name is Bueller. + + There's another pause. Jeanie's face drops. + + JEANIE + It's real nice that you hope my + brother's feeling better but I'm + in danger, okay? I'm very cute, + I'm very alone and I'm very + protective of my body. I'd rather + not have it violated or killed. + I need help! + +175 INT. KITCHEN 175 + + Rooney's plugging his bloody nose with paper towel. The + intercom goes on. + + JEANIE'S VOICE + Excuse me. If whoever's in the house + is still in the house, I'd like you + to know that I have just called the police. + If you have any brains whatsoever, you'll + get your ass out of my house real quick. + + Rooney stiffens with fear. + + JEANIE'S VOICE + I'd also like to add that I have + my father's gun. And a scorching + case of herpes. + +176 EXT. STREET 176 + + Rooney's car is hooked to a tow truck. It's parked in front + of a fire hydrant and the windshield is decorated with + parking citations. In the distance SIRENS WAIL. + +177 EXT. PARKING LOT 177 + + The three are waiting for the Ferrari. We HEAR TIRES + SQUEALING, AN ENGINE REVING-OUT. Then the Ferrari pulls down + the ramp and jams to a frightening stop. A BLACK GUY jumps + out. Ferris hands him the parking stub. + + FERRIS + Just out of curiosity, what was + your top speed coming down the + ramp? + + BLACK GUY + (matter-of-fact) + About 60. + + FERRIS + Stunning! + + He hands him a buck and opens the door and pulls the + passenger seat forward for Cameron. + + FERRIS + This is probably the last time you'll + have to ride back here. Keep that in + mind. + + Cameron gives him a look and squeezes in. + +178 EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET 178 + + The Ferrari cruises through traffic. + + INT. FERRARI + + Sloane's in the passenger seat. Ferris is driving and + Cameron is crammed in the back. + + SLOANE + What's next. + + CAMERON + Nothing. We return the car. + + SLOANE + We could go to my house. My parents + aren't coming home until late. + + FERRIS + We have enough cash left for a quick + flight to Peoria and back. + + CAMERON + Very funny. + + Ferris looks in the mirror and changes lanes. He glances + down at the speedometer, then to the road. And back to the + speedometer. + + FERRIS + Cameron? How many miles did you + say this thing had when we left? + + CAMERON + One hundred and twenty six and + halfway between three and four + tenths. Why? How many miles are + on it now? + + He glances down at the speedometer. + + CU. SPEEDOMETER + + The odometer reads 432.7. + + FERRIS + (to CAMERA) + Here's where Cameron goes berserk. + + EXT. TRAFFIC + + The Ferrari pulls up at a stop light. We HEAR A THUNDERING, + MUFFLED SCREAM. + + EXT. EXPRESSWAY + + The Ferrari is buzzing through traffic. + + INT. FERRARI + + Sloane turns in her seat and looks at Cameron. Her gesture + is one of genuine support. + + SLOANE + You okay? + + CU. CAMERON + + His eyes are frozen in a mindless, vacant stare. + + CU. FERRIS + + He looks at Sloane. He's concerned. + + FERRIS + Hey, Cameron. It's okay. We'll fix + it. + + CU. CAMERON + + He's still holding the stare. He starts to breathe heavily. + He's trembling. + + CU. SLOANE + + She whips around in the seat and grabs his arms. + + SLOANE + Cameron! Cut it out! What's + wrong?! Ferris! + + CU. FERRIS + + He shoots Sloane a look. + + FERRIS + Cameron, are you okay? It's + no problem, really. Your old + man won't know a thing. It's + completely fixable. + + INT. FERRARI + + Sloane fires an angry look at Ferris. + + SLOANE + Shut-up! It is a problem! For + him it's a problem. Nothing's + a problem for you. But it's + a problem for him! So, just + shut-up. + + She turns back to Cameron. + + SLOANE + What can I do, Cameron? + + CU. FERRIS + + Eyes front. He knows what he's doing. + +179 INT. FERRIS' HOUSE. FOYER 179 + + The doorbell rings. The Ferris' tape is activated. + + FERRIS VOICE + Who is it? + + We hear a MALE VOICE over the intercom. + + VOICE + Anybody home? + + FERRIS' VOICE + I'm sorry that I can't come to + the door right now... + + The tape continues as Jeanie hurtles down the stairs. + + JEANIE + I'm saved! Thank you, God! + Thank you, thank you, thank you! + + She jumps the last few stairs and slides to the front door. + She whips it open. + +180 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT DOOR 180 + + The door swings open. + + JEANIE + Thank...you... + + Her jaw goes slack. She blinks her eyes. + + HER POV + + The Delivery Man and a young ASSISTANT are standing at the + door with floral arrangements. Spread all around them are + more flowers. A sexy singing NURSE and a BALLOON MAN steps + up on the porch. + + NURSE + (sings) + WE HOPE YOU'RE FEELING BETTER + WE HOPE YOU'RE FELLING FIT + WE... + + The door slams shut. + +181 EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET 181 + + Rooney's walking down the street. A school bus is crawling + alongside him as kids hang out the windows. From inside we + hear SHOUTING and seventeen different SONGS PLAYING ON + BLASTERS. A top forty montage. + + KID + Hey, Mr. Rooney! What're you doing? + + Rooney doesn't respond. + + ANOTHER KID + Did you get in a fight? + + Rooney keep walking. The bus doors open. The DRIVER calls + out to him. + + DRIVER + You want a lift? + + Rooney takes a few more steps. He stops. The bus stops. + Rooney takes a deep breath. He climbs aboard the bus. + +182 INT. BUS 182 + + The bus is jammed with WONKS and WEINERETTES. The passengers + are silent as they watch Rooney shuffle down the aisle and + take an empty seat next to a skinny, myopic GIRL. + + CU. GIRL + + She looks at Rooney and smiles. She pushes her Coke bottle + glasses up on her nose. + + CU. ROONEY + + He looks vacantly at her. + + CU. GIRL + + She holds her smile. + + GIRL + I'll bet you never smelled a + real school bus before. + + CU. ROONEY + + He stares at her. + + CU. GIRL + + She holds up a candy package. + + GIRL + Gummi Bear? + + CU. ROONEY + + He stares at her. + + CU. GIRL + + She puts one in her mouth. + + GIRL + They've been in pocket. They're + real soft and warm. + + CU. BOY + + A rotund FRESHMAN BOY sitting across from Rooney is staring + at him. + + CU. ROONEY + + He looks across to the kid. + + CU. BOY + + He leans forward. + + FRESHMAN BOY + It's kind of like being in the + belly of the beast isn't it? + + CU. ROONEY + + He turns him eyes to the front. The bus jerks forward and + pulls away. + +183 EXT. BUS 183 + + It grinds through the gears as it heads down the quiet + street. The BLASTERS go back on, the SHOUTING RESUMES. + +184 EXT. PARK 184 + + Cameron's laying on a picnic table. Sloane's sitting beside + him on the table. She's stroking his hair. Ferris WALKS INTO + THE FOREGROUND. He addresses CAMERA. + + FERRIS + This may very well be for real. I + think Cameron might have blown a + micro-chip or two. He's always been + a little keyed-up. All I wanted to do + was give him a good day. We're + gonna graduate in a couple of months. + Then we have the summer. He'll work + and I'll work. And we'll see each + other at night and on the weekends + but then he'll go to one school and I'll + go to another. And basically that'll + be it. As much as we like each other, + the process of growing up will + separate us. + + He begins to walk. We follow him. + + FERRIS + Sloane's a bigger problem. She still + has another year of high school. How + do I deal with that? I was serious when + I said I'd marry her. I would. This isn't + just teenage infatuation. That's what my + parents call it. What do they call what they + have? If that's love, I'll take infatuation. + + CU. CAMERON + + His eyes are closed. Sloane's stroking his hair. + + FERRIS (VO) + Cameron's never been in love. At + least no one's ever been in love + with him. He's gonna marry the first + girl he lays. And she's gonna treat + him like shit because he's gonna + kiss her ass for giving him what he's + built-up in his mind as the end-all, + be-all of human existance. She won't + respect him because you can't respect + someone who kisses your ass. It just + doesn't work. + + CU. SLOANE + + She's studying Cameron's face. She looks away. + + SLOANE + Ferris? + + CU. FERRIS + + He looks to the picnic table. Then back to CAMERA. + + FERRIS + I'm being tested here. + + He starts back to the picnic table. + + FERRIS + My best friend has flipped-out. + Conventional wisdom would suggest + a visit to the nearest trauma + center. I wouldn't fault anybody + for doing that. My, personally, + I think this calls for something + new, something bold, something wet + and wild. + +185 CU. JACUZZI JET 185 + + UNDERWATER SHOT. A hyrdojet spews a gush of air bubbles. + + CU. BLASTER + + A finger pushes the PLAY button on the cassette. MUSIC COMES + UP. + + CU. BEER CAN LID + + The finger pops a beer. + + CU. OREO PACKAGE + + A painted fingernail pierces the cellophane wrapper. + + INT. JACUZZI + + Ferris and Sloane are in Sloane's parents' Jacuzzi. Their + clothes are tosssed around the deck. Cameron's been placed + in a patio chair at the edge of the Jacuzzi. He's still + catatonic. He's mummbling softly. Ferris is drinking a beer. + Sloane's eating Oreos. + + FERRIS + You feeling any better, Cameron? + + SLOANE + The water's really nice. I wish + you'd come in. + + CU. CAMERON + + Staring into space. + + CAMERON + Surgery...fire...move... + + CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS + + They look at each other. She offers him a cookie. He offers + her his beer. + + FERRIS + Cameron? Do you think this because + of the car or is it a combination + of everything shitty in your life? + + CU. CAMERON + + He doesn't respond. + + CAMERON + Music...kiss...attack... + + CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS + + Sloane sips the beer. + + FERRIS + You just can't deal with anymore + shit? The car took you into the + red zone? Time for a reality check? + + SLOANE + Cameron? I could flip real easy, too. + There's nothing wrong with it. At one + time or another, everybody goes to + the zoo. + + FERRIS + Maybe he was actually sick. Maybe + he wasn't bullshitting himself. + + CU. CAMERON + + No response. + + CAMERON + Gesundheit...God...mercy... + + EXT. BACKYARD + + Ferris and Sloane watch their catatonic friend. + + CU. CAMERON + + He smiles. + + CU. SLOANE + + She leans forward and stares at Cameron. + + CU. FERRIS + + He cocks his head, wondering what Cameron's up to. + + CU. CAMERON + + He keels over forward. + + EXT. BACKYARD + + Cameron falls out of the chair and splashes down, + face-first, into the water. Sloane screams. Ferris leaps for + him. + + UNDERWATER + + Ferris struggles with Cameron's lifeless bulk. + + CU. SLOANE + + She's screaming. Ferris thrashes around in the water. + + UNDERWATER + + Ferris grabs Cameron's collar and rips him out of the water. + + EXT. BACKYARD + + Ferris sits Cameron on the edge of the Jacuzzi. + + FERRIS + CAMERON! + + CU. CAMERON + + His eyes are closed. He's lifeless. + + CU. FERRIS + + His face is a mask of terror. He shakes Cameron. + + CU. SLOANE + + She's screaming. + + CU. CAMERON + + A smile spreads across his face. + + CU. FERRIS + + He sees the smile. He stops shaking Cameron. + + EXT. JACUZZI + + Ferris and Cameron are looking at each other. Sloane's still + screaming. She realizes that Cameron's okay. She stops + screaming. + + SLOANE + What? + + FERRIS + (Cameron) + You asshole! + + Cameron's smiling. + + SLOANE + What? + + Ferris starts to laugh. Cameron explodes with laughter. + Sloane's bewildered. + + SLOANE + What's so funny? + +186 INT. POLICE STATION. WAITING ROOM 186 + + Jeanie's sitting on a wooden bench with a WASTED TEENAGE BOY + in a Triumph t-shirt, long hair, torn jeans, creepers, studs + and chains. He's studying her. + + BOY + Drugs? + + JEANIE + No, thank you. I'm straight. + + BOY + I meant, are you here for drugs? + + Jeanie stares at him. + + JEANIE + Why are you here? + + BOY + Drugs. + + JEANIE + I don't know why I'm here. + + BOY + Then why don't you go home? + + JEANIE + Why don't you put your thumb + up your butt? + + The boy stares at her. + + BOY + You want to talk about your problem? + + JEANIE + With you? Are you serious? + + BOY + Yeah, I'm serious. + + JEANIE + Blow yourself. + + Jeanie turns away. The boy crosses his legs. Jeanie looks + back at him. + + JEANIE + You really want to know what's wrong? + + The boy shrugs. + + JEANIE + Alright. If you've got the time, + I've got the troubles. In a nutshell, + I hate my brother. How's that? + + BOY + That's cool. Did you shoot him or + something? + + JEANIE + No, not yet. + + The boy nods. He understands the emotion. + + JEANIE + I went home to confirm that the + shithead was ditching school and + a guy broke into the house and I + called the cops and they picked me + up for making a phoney phone call. + + BOY + What do you care if your brother + ditches school? + + Jeanie stares at the boy. + + JEANIE + Why should he get to ditch school + when everybody else has to go? + + BOY + You could ditch. + + JEANIE + I'd get caught. + + BOY + So, you're pissed at him because + he ditches and doesn't get caught? + + JEANIE + Basically. + + The boy nods knowingly. + + BOY + Then your problem is you. + + JEANIE + Excuse me? + + BOY + Excuse you. You oughta spend a little + more time dealing with yourself and + a little less time worrying about + what your brother does. It's just + an opinion. + + Jeanie stares angrily at him. Partly because he's so bold + and partly because he's so right. + + BOY + There's somebody you should talk + to. + + Jeanie stares at him threateningly. + + JEANIE + If you say Ferris Bueller, you lose + a testicle. + + BOY + You know him? + + CU. JEANIE'S HAND + + It curls into a fist. + +187 CU. FERRARI TIRE 187 + + It's spinning rapidly. + + CY. ACCELERATOR + + A brick's resting on the accelerator, holding it down. + + INT. CAMERON'S GARAGE + + Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the garage. The + Ferrari is jacked up. The wheels are turning. The engine's + racing. + + CAMERON + The whole time I was just thinking + things over. I was like, meditating. + I was thinking about the future. + And I realized it doesn't make + and difference if the present + goes to shit. + + FERRIS + I have a agree with you there. + + SLOANE + Really. + + CAMERON + I've been thinking all day that if + you could only have the use of one + word, what would it be? + + FERRIS + Sloane is naked before your eyes and + you're thinking about words? + + SLOANE + God bless you, Cameron. + + CAMERON + Thank you, Sloane. + + CAMERON + If you guys only had one word, what + would it be? + + FERRIS + I can't believe you'd think up something + like with a naked girl in a jacuzzi + right in front of you. + + SLOANE + Come on, Ferris, answer his question. + + FERRIS + Bathroom. + + SLOANE + I'd say... + + She thinks. + + FERRIS + Cash. + + CAMERON + It's the only word you could + ever use. + + FERRIS + Hello. + + SLOANE + Love. + + FERRIS + And what is you loathe somebody? + Are you going to say "love" every + time you see them? + + SLOANE + It's better than "hello". + + FERRIS + Hellos' generic. + + SLOANE + You wanna be generic? + + CAMERON + It's help. + + Cameron smiles at his wisdom. Ferris and Sloane think about + it. It's a good choice. Cameron gets up and walks to the + Ferrari. + + CAMERON + The word is help. + + Cameron peeks in the window. + + CU. ODOMETER + + Nothing's happening. + + INT. GARAGE + + Cameron pulls his head out of the car. + + CAMERON + Ferris? It's not working. + + Ferris looks up. + + CAMERON + The miles aren't coming off, running + it in reverse. + + FERRIS + I thought that might be a problem. + Let's crack open the odometer and + roll it back by hand. + + Cameron shakes his head. + + CAMERON + I got a better idea. It's cool. + + He walks back around behind the Ferrari. + + CAMERON + Seventeen years and I've never + taken a stand. Now, I'm gonna + do it. I'm taking a stand against + my father, against my family, + against myself, against my past, + my present and my future. I will + not sit idly by as events that affect + me unfold to change the course of + my life. I will take a stand and I + will defend it. When my father comes + home tonight, he's finally going + to have to deal with me. Good or + bad, I'm taking a stand. + + CU. FERRIS + + He turns to CAMERA. + + FERRIS + This is a big U-2 fan. + + CU. SLOANE + + She smiles proudly at Cameron. She applauds him. + + CU. CAMERON + + He's serious and determined. He has made up his mind and it + appears that it won't be changed by anyone but himself. + + CU. TIRES + + It's spinning wildly. + + CU. MERCEDES BUMPER + + Cameron's foot rests on the bumper. A beat and it gives a + mighty shove. + + CU. TIRE + + The spinning tires slam down on the cement. + + INT. GARAGE + + Cameron has kicked the Ferrari off the jack. It squeals out + of the garage in a cloud of blue tire smoke. A $50,000 + unmanned investment heading backwards down a driveway. + + CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS + + They're in shock. + + EXT. HOUSE + + The Ferrari shoots down the driveway. + + INT. GARAGE + + Cameron watches the car go. He's strangely placcid about the + impending disaster. Ferris and Sloane are bewildered. + + THEIR POV + + The Ferrari travels down the driveway, across the street, + over the curb into the wooded property opposite the house. + + CU. TREE + + The Ferrari's brief journey ends as it smacks a tree trunk. + + INT. GARAGE + + Ferris and Sloane exchange baffled looks. They look at + Cameron. He's proud and bold. + + FERRIS + What was that about? + + SLOANE + This has to be a dream. + + FERRIS + Cameron? One quick question. + Why'd you do that? + + Cameron holds his proud posture for a beat. Then a look of + bewilderment comes over his face. He shoots a look to + Ferris. A puzzled look. + + FERRIS + You trashed the car. + + Cameron looks across the street. + + SLOANE + Why? + + CAMERON + I took a stand. + + FERRIS + No, Cameron. You wrecked a car. + + Cameron thinks for a moment. Then he regains his confidence. + + CAMERON + It's okay. + + Ferris looks across the street at the car. + + FERRIS + I have an idea. If you're interested. + + Cameron looks at him. He shakes his head. + + CAMERON + I'm gonna handle it. + + FERRIS + I think this could work. + + CAMERON + No, thanks. I want to deal with + it by myself. + + SLOANE + What about your one word? + + CAMERON + You already did it. If I need it + again, I'll use it. + + He smiles. He raises am impish eyebrow. + + CAMERON + It's cool. I'm loose. + +188 INT. POLICE STATION. OFFICE 188 + + Joyce is talking with the juvenile officer. Outside the + office, on the bench, we see Jeanie and the boy making out. + + JOYCE + She's never been in trouble before. + This is a shock to me. First, I + don't know why she wasn't at school. + Second, I don't know why she'd call + you with this story about a rapist. + + OFFICER + For whatever reasons she did it, + I think she'd had a good scare. + + JOYCE + I hope so. I appreciate your calling + me. I can assure you that her father + and I will have a long talk with her. + + The gathers her purse and jacket and stands. + + JOYCE + Thank you. + + OFFICER + Oh, by the way, I hope you son's + feeling better. + + Joyce looks at the officer curiously. + + OFFICER + Tell him, all the guys at the + station here are pulling for + him. + +189 INT. POLICE STATION. WAITING ROOM 189 + + Jeanie quickly breaks the embrace with the boy as Joyce + steps out of the juvenile officer's room. She's still a + little bewildered that everybody knows Ferris was ill. + Jeanie wipes her lips and sits up straight. The boy adjusts + his pants to better hide his passion. + + JEANIE + (to the boy) + If you keep this to yourself, I + think we can probably get it on + pretty good. + + BOY + For sure. + + Jeanie stands up. + + JEANIE + Hi. + + JOYCE + Don't "hi" me, young lady. Get + your stuff. + + Jeanie reaches down for her purse. + + BOY + What's your name? + + JEANIE + Jean. What's yours? + + BOY + Garth Volbeck. + +190 EXT. SLOANE'S BACKYARD 190 + + Sloane and Ferris are standing at the back fence. + + SLOANE + I had a great time today. + + FERRIS + Yeah. It was pretty cool. + + SLOANE + You think Cameron's gonna be + alright? + + FERRIS + Sure. He had to so it, I guess. + His old man had it coming. He'll + be okay. I'd be worried if he'd + taken my idea. + + Sloane smiles knowingly. + + SLOANE + You didn't have an idea, did you? + + FERRIS + Not a glimmer. + + SLOANE + You're so smart. + + FERRIS + No. I'm just real loose. + + He kisses her. + + FERRIS + I'll call you tonight. + + Sloane nods. Ferris jumps the fence and takes off across the + backyards. Sloane watches him go. A huge smile spreads + across her face. + + SLOANE + I LOVE YOU! + + She backs away from the fence. MUSIC FADES UP. + + SLOANE + He's gonna marry me. I know it. + + She turns and runs into the house. + +191 EXT. BACKYARD 191 + + Ferris sprints across a backyard. He jumps a plaster elf. + +192 EXT. ANOTHER BACKYARD 192 + + Ferris vaults a fence. He runs directly for a swimming pool. + He's approaching it from the side. He leaps, hits the diving + board, springs off, does a flip and lands on the grass on + the other side of the pool. + +193 CU. BEDSPREAD 193 + + Neatly bundles stacks of bills and rolled coins. A + significant amount of cash. + + CU. SLOANE + + She's writing. + + CU. PIECE OF PAPER + + We see a portion of the typewritten letter as she signs it. + + "...in the amount of $1,765.33. It + gives us great pleasure to assist + you in performance of your worthy + and much needed survives to those + so desperately in need. + + Sincerely, + + Sloane Peterson + Executive Director + The Ferris Bueller Foundation" + +194 EXT. FERRIS' STREET 194 + + He's running down the middle of the street. A car honks. + Ferris moves to the side. The car pulls around him. + + INT. CAR. + + Tom's at the wheel. He glances in the mirror. He does a + take. + + HIS POV. MIRROR + + We see Ferris cut across a front lawn and into a house. + + CU. TOM + + He realizes it couldn't be Ferris. + +195 INT. HOUSE 195 + + Ferris runs through the kitchen, past a WOMAN, fixing dinner + and out her backdoor. The Woman looks up curiously. + +196 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 196 + + Tom pulls in the driveway. He parks and gets out. Joyce + pulls in from the other direction. + +197 EXT. HOUSE. BACK PORCH 197 + + Ferris tries the door. It's locked. He reaches down and + lifts the doormat. + + CU. PORCH + + The outline of a key in the dirt under the mat. The key's + gone. The toe of a chewed-up dress shoe steps INTO FRAME. An + OMNIOUS CHORD IS STRUCK. + + CU. FERRIS + + He stares up in horror. + + HIS POV + + Rooney's looking down at him. He's holding the house key. + + EXT. PORCH + + Ferris stands up. He smiles. + + ROONEY + Looking for this? + + FERRIS + Yes. + + ROONEY + I got you, Ferris. This time I finally + got you. + + Ferris is caught. There's no way out. Rooney gloats + severely. + + ROONEY + How does another year of high + school sit with you? + + Suddenly, the backdoor opens. Jeanie looks out. She feigns + joy and relief. She rushes Ferris and hugs him. + + JEANIE + Thank God, you're alright! We've + been worried sick! + + CU. FERRIS + + A moment of curiosity. Then it dawns on him what's + happening. He smiles. + + CU. ROONEY + + His eyes dart from Ferris to Jeanie to Ferris. His victory + is evaporating. + + EXT. PORCH + + Jeanie breaks the embrace. + + JEANIE + (to Rooney) + Thank you for bringing him home, + Mr. Rooney. + (to Ferris) + You better get up in bed tight + now. + + Ferris limps into the house. + + JEANIE + Can you imagine someone as sick as + Ferris trying to walk home from the + hospital? + (shakes her head) + Kids! + + CU. ROONEY + + He's dumbfounded. + + CU. JEANIE + + She raises her hands and strikes a karate pose. A huge smile + passes over her face. + + CU. ROONEY + + A look of terror as he realizes that is was Jeanie who + kicked him and that Jeanie knows it was he who she kicked. + + EXT. PORCH + + Jeanie steps into the house. + +198 INT. HOUSE 198 + + The door closes on Rooney's defeated, lost, dejected, + bewildered face. Not only has he lost Ferris again, he has + Jeanie to deal with next year. + +199 EXT. YARD. CU. DOG 199 + + The click of the door wakes him up. His head pops up off the + grass. + + CU. ROONEY + + He senses new danger. We hear AN O.C. GROWL. Rooney squeezes + his eyes shut. + +200 INT. KITCHEN 200 + + Kimberly and Todd are sitting at the kitchen table watching + TV and eating cereal. They look up at Ferris as he comes in + from outside. + + TODD + Ferris? Does my head look like + it's getting bigger? + + Ferris leans against the counter as he tries to catch his + breath. He looks at his little brother. + + FERRIS + No, but Kimberly's is. + + He crosses to the refrigerator and opens it. Kimberly feels + her head. + + KIMBERLY + (to Todd) + Is he serious? + + TODD + I think so. + + KIMBERLY + Oh, shit! + + Ferris takes out a bottle of orange juice out of the + refrigerator and drinks straight from the bottle. Jeanie + comes in. + + FERRIS + Thanks, Jeanie. + + JEANIE + No problem. + + FERRIS + By the way, I borrowed some cash + from you. I'll pay you back. + + JEANIE + You don't have to. + + FERRIS + I want to. + + JEANIE + You don't have to. I've been ripping + off your wallet for years. + + Ferris gives her a proud smile. + +201 EXT. HOUSE 201 + + Joyce and Tom head up to the kitchen. + +202 INT. KITCHEN 202 + + Ferris and Jeanie exit the kitchen as Joyce and Tom enter. + + JOYCE + (to Todd and Kimberly) + Hi, guys. + + KIMBERLY + Is my head swelling up? + +203 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 203 + + The foyer is jammed with floral arrangements, plants and + gifts. Ferris and Jeanie step gingerly through the flowers + and head upstairs. + + JEANIE + I'm sorry I've been riding your + buns for so long. + + FERRIS + It's completely cool. + + JOYCE (OC) + Ferris! + + Ferris continues up the stairs. He affects a sickly voice. + + FERRIS + Upstairs, Mom! + +204 INT. SECOND FLOOR LANDING 204 + + Ferris and Jeanie stop. + + JEANIE + Do you know a guy named Garth + Volbeck? + + FERRIS + Vaguely. + + JEANIE + Is he cool? + + FERRIS + He's cool. But stay away from his + brother. + + Ferris walks into the room, brushes the crumbs off his hands + and peels off his shirt. He climbs into bed. No sooner are + the covers over him than the bedroom door opens and Joyce + and Tom walk in. They walk over to the bed. Joyce sits down. + + JOYCE + Honey? + + CU. FERRIS + + The same deathly face he had in the morning. Tongue out, + eyes bulging. + + TOM (OC) + Ferris? How do you feel? + + He pulls in his tongue to speak. + + FERRIS + (deathly gasp) + 150% better, thank you. + +205 INT. BEDROOM 205 + + Tom and Joyce hover over him with deep concern. + + FERRIS + I'm much better, really. Please, + don't make me stay home again. I + want to go to school. I'm graduating + in June and I... + + TOM + Ferris. You're sick. There's no point + pushing yourself and making it worse. + + FERRIS + Maybe you're right, Dad. + + TOM + I know I'm right. + + Joyce leans over and kisses him forehead. + + JOYCE + How did you get so sweet? + + FERRIS + Years of practice. + + Tom pats Ferris on the rump. He and Joyce exit. + + CU. FERRIS + + The hideous face. A beat and we HEAR THE BEDROOM DOOR CLOSE. + Ferris looks at CAMERA. + + FERRIS + (happy sigh) + Yeah, life is a carousel. A + great big crazy ball of pure + living, breathing joy and delight. + + He rolls over on his back and puts his hands behind his + head. + + FERRIS + You gotta get one. + + He smiles. + + MUSIC UP BIG + + END TITLES + + THE END +`).then(e => console.log(`Código finalizado, ${e} mensagens enviadas`)).catch(console.error) From 5d7821762c7fa605fb39d2c8edc2800bfd6d7329 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: peixotmarc <48831018+peixotmarc@users.noreply.github.com> Date: Fri, 20 Oct 2023 14:08:38 +0100 Subject: [PATCH 8/9] Update README.md --- README.md | 3 +++ 1 file changed, 3 insertions(+) diff --git a/README.md b/README.md index fcdc35c..10e3303 100644 --- a/README.md +++ b/README.md @@ -7,6 +7,9 @@ Código para enviar o Script inteiro de Shrek ou Bee Movie para seus amigos ou g Abra [shrekSendScript.js](https://github.com/Matt-Fontes/SendScriptWhatsApp/blob/main/shrekSendScript.js) Ou Abra [beeMovieSendScript.js](https://github.com/Matt-Fontes/SendScriptWhatsApp/blob/main/beeMovieSendScript.js) +Ou +Abra [beeMovieSendScript.js](https://github.com/Matt-Fontes/SendScriptWhatsApp/blob/main/FerrisBuellerDayOffSendScript.js) + Copie todo o conteúdo (clique em raw -> ctrl+a -> ctrl+c) From e83421ff637c1d256776924993bafe07c66b1eb2 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: peixotmarc <48831018+peixotmarc@users.noreply.github.com> Date: Fri, 20 Oct 2023 14:09:10 +0100 Subject: [PATCH 9/9] Update README.md --- README.md | 2 +- 1 file changed, 1 insertion(+), 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/README.md b/README.md index 10e3303..6c7abde 100644 --- a/README.md +++ b/README.md @@ -8,7 +8,7 @@ Abra [shrekSendScript.js](https://github.com/Matt-Fontes/SendScriptWhatsApp/blob Ou Abra [beeMovieSendScript.js](https://github.com/Matt-Fontes/SendScriptWhatsApp/blob/main/beeMovieSendScript.js) Ou -Abra [beeMovieSendScript.js](https://github.com/Matt-Fontes/SendScriptWhatsApp/blob/main/FerrisBuellerDayOffSendScript.js) +Abra [FerrisBuellerDayOffSendScript.js](https://github.com/Matt-Fontes/SendScriptWhatsApp/blob/main/FerrisBuellerDayOffSendScript.js) Copie todo o conteúdo (clique em raw -> ctrl+a -> ctrl+c)