- To prepare for recognizing and managing my emotions.
- Meditation.
- To stay cool in moments of strain.
- Recognizing that I'm stressed or angry and trying to let it go.
- To find my empathy.
- Reflecting on how others' misbehavior probably comes from their own struggle and doing my best to find empathy for them.
- To blow off stream.
- Pop out for a coffee or walk.
- Start by listening: ask why things are done a certain way, and ask with an open mind.
- Continue by contributing: build some social capital by doing things the team needs.
- Then, in good time, pick one thing you want to change, and try to change it not by acting like the current choice is dumb but by making a positive, humble case for the advantages of change.
- Kindness: Plans A, B, and C
- warmth, kindness, assertiveness, calm, patience, eagerness.
- In a Meeting or by Email
- “It sounds like you’re especially concerned about X for reason Y; that makes sense to me. I’ll take the action item to discuss this with you after offline. We’ll make sure {it’s handled/we find a good compromise/we weigh the tradeoffs carefully}.”
- “It seems we may prioritize A vs B differently. I think that favoring B is very justifiable. I’ll try to explain why I favor A.”
- One on One
- “Is everything okay? You seem like you might be a little stressed out.”
- “I got the sense you were frustrated with how that meeting went. I definitely get that it’s a tough issue. Can we chat about how to address those concerns?”
- Plan D
- Manager feedback => be slow to escalate.
- HR => for certain classes of misbehavior, e.g., harassment, bully, lawbreaking.
- (Very, very rarely) Anger
- HR, is a representative of your employer.
- Don't assume that HR has done anything for me unless I see an explicit confirmation it's happened.
- When dealing with HR, including recruiters, HR Business Partners, compensation discussions, keep detailed records in my personal email, which has timestamps and which I fully control.
- First, be completely forthright; hiding a mistake shows that you're untrustworthy, which is much worse than causing a bug.
- Second, don't beat yourself up too much.