research note Character Flesh

Research Note: Fleshing out "Shade" [Ice Queen]
Conflicted feelings between self-preservation and causing untold harm upon the land.



Chatlog
mostly the shade is very aware of the suffering she is causing
Jia Xiang Ng
addy addy.
does she care?
Yuen Hoe Lim
yes, and her reasoning self accepts death as her only and just eventuality
Jia Xiang Ng
can she die?
or kill herself?
Yuen Hoe Lim
but the idea is in terms of psychology she is mostly like a normal human
Jia Xiang Ng
any thoughts of self harm?
Yuen Hoe Lim
with a natural strong aversion to death, and a sufficient desire to live in general
yes she can die, and she eventually does
but she doesn't kill herself, or at least hasn't, yet. because she quite wants to live, she just knows she shouldn't
so she accepts death at the hands of MC
but MC is the one that does the fighting-back, after getting to know shade
so the conflict is inside MC, to some extent. he set out to slay a monster, he found something that is very much human, and who is in all ways except for the type of being she is, innocent
so he struggles with the apparent injustice of what he must do by necessity
Jia Xiang Ng
in other words, shade shifts the responsibility onto MC, who pretty much can choose to accept all teh blame or not
sounds close?
Yuen Hoe Lim
well, he doesn't accept any blame, really, except his own
everyone else, shade included, think it just to slay the shade
Jia Xiang Ng
got a reason why it has to 
be someone else?
 Yuen:  and well, shfit responsibility implies a degree of escapism, which I don't really intend. lets just say the shade is incapable of killing herself. she has no intentions of putting blood onto someone else's hands
not suicide?
hmm...
Yuen Hoe Lim
watched katanagatari?
Jia Xiang Ng
nope
Yuen Hoe Lim
damn lol
Jia Xiang Ng
lol
alright, imma try piece this together.
Yuen Hoe Lim
let me try to articulate it a bit
so i don't plan, atm, to give a concrete reason why the shade doesn't kill herself
but i'm hoping it's not hard to visualize. suicide is not an easy thing for a highly aware individual, and the shade is such one
one could suppose that even the shade harbored some love and longing for this world, and for the existence that makes us part of it
or that even the shade desired contact with other living creatures, even if that contact is simply being killed
perhaps it gives a little more meaning to her brief existence
^ taken a bit from one part in katanagatari  
Jia Xiang Ng
as in the contact, not the killing part
Yuen Hoe Lim
the killing counts as contact too
Jia Xiang Ng
as in the contact gives meaning
the killing is just an unfortunate side effect
Yuen Hoe Lim
well... i suppose you can sort of put it that way
Jia Xiang Ng
dun wanna make a kuuyandere1:43 AM
too many personalities
 Yuen:  being killed is a significant interaction in a life otherwise devoid of interaction at all
you cause something, you project something, something recognizes you, acknowledges you, and acts on you
proof of existence. A sort of very anime-y/japan-y sort of theme I might add