diff --git a/Robust.Server/ServerStatus/StatusHost.Acz.Sources.cs b/Robust.Server/ServerStatus/StatusHost.Acz.Sources.cs
index afa4fdb0ac0..a2a264763f2 100644
--- a/Robust.Server/ServerStatus/StatusHost.Acz.Sources.cs
+++ b/Robust.Server/ServerStatus/StatusHost.Acz.Sources.cs
@@ -105,11 +105,11 @@ internal sealed partial class StatusHost
     private Task<bool> SourceAczDictionaryViaFile(AssetPass pass, IPackageLogger logger)
     {
         var path = PathHelpers.ExecutableRelativeFile("Content.Client.zip");
-        if (!File.Exists(path))
+        if (!FileHelper.TryOpenFileRead(path, out var fileStream))
             return Task.FromResult(false);
 
         _aczSawmill.Info($"StatusHost found client zip: {path}");
-        using var zip = new ZipArchive(File.OpenRead(path), ZipArchiveMode.Read, leaveOpen: false);
+        using var zip = new ZipArchive(fileStream, ZipArchiveMode.Read, leaveOpen: false);
         SourceAczDictionaryViaZipStream(zip, pass, logger);
         return Task.FromResult(true);
     }
diff --git a/Robust.Shared/ContentPack/AssemblyTypeChecker.cs b/Robust.Shared/ContentPack/AssemblyTypeChecker.cs
index d9715814661..bca94209581 100644
--- a/Robust.Shared/ContentPack/AssemblyTypeChecker.cs
+++ b/Robust.Shared/ContentPack/AssemblyTypeChecker.cs
@@ -895,12 +895,10 @@ public Resolver(AssemblyTypeChecker parent, string[] diskLoadPaths, ResPath[] re
                 {
                     var path = Path.Combine(diskLoadPath, dllName);
 
-                    if (!File.Exists(path))
-                    {
+                    if (!FileHelper.TryOpenFileRead(path, out var fileStream))
                         continue;
-                    }
 
-                    return ModLoader.MakePEReader(File.OpenRead(path));
+                    return ModLoader.MakePEReader(fileStream);
                 }
 
                 foreach (var resLoadPath in _resLoadPaths)
diff --git a/Robust.Shared/ContentPack/DirLoader.cs b/Robust.Shared/ContentPack/DirLoader.cs
index 215d2a1cafb..2e5cb5f8d66 100644
--- a/Robust.Shared/ContentPack/DirLoader.cs
+++ b/Robust.Shared/ContentPack/DirLoader.cs
@@ -46,16 +46,11 @@ public void Mount()
             public bool TryGetFile(ResPath relPath, [NotNullWhen(true)] out Stream? stream)
             {
                 var path = GetPath(relPath);
-                if (!File.Exists(path))
-                {
-                    stream = null;
-                    return false;
-                }
-
                 CheckPathCasing(relPath);
 
-                stream = File.OpenRead(path);
-                return true;
+                var ret = FileHelper.TryOpenFileRead(path, out var fStream);
+                stream = fStream;
+                return ret;
             }
 
             public bool FileExists(ResPath relPath)
diff --git a/Robust.Shared/Utility/FileHelper.cs b/Robust.Shared/Utility/FileHelper.cs
new file mode 100644
index 00000000000..e4dcfe8c822
--- /dev/null
+++ b/Robust.Shared/Utility/FileHelper.cs
@@ -0,0 +1,70 @@
+using System;
+using System.Diagnostics.CodeAnalysis;
+using System.IO;
+using System.Runtime.InteropServices;
+using Microsoft.Win32.SafeHandles;
+using TerraFX.Interop.Windows;
+
+namespace Robust.Shared.Utility;
+
+internal static class FileHelper
+{
+    /// <summary>
+    /// Try to open a file for reading. If the file does not exist, the operation fails without exception.
+    /// </summary>
+    /// <remarks>
+    /// This API is not atomic and can thus be vulnerable to TOCTOU attacks. Don't use it if that's relevant.
+    /// </remarks>
+    /// <param name="path">The path to try to open.</param>
+    /// <param name="stream">The resulting file stream.</param>
+    /// <returns>True if the file existed and was opened.</returns>
+    public static bool TryOpenFileRead(string path, [NotNullWhen(true)] out FileStream? stream)
+    {
+        // On Windows, the separate File.Exists() call alone adds a ton of weight.
+        // The alternative however (opening the file and catching the error) is extremely slow because of .NET exceptions.
+        // So we manually call the windows API and make the file handle from that. Problem solved!
+        if (OperatingSystem.IsWindows())
+            return TryGetFileWindows(path, out stream);
+
+        if (!File.Exists(path))
+        {
+            stream = null;
+            return false;
+        }
+
+        stream = File.OpenRead(path);
+        return true;
+    }
+
+    private static unsafe bool TryGetFileWindows(string path, [NotNullWhen(true)] out FileStream? stream)
+    {
+        HANDLE file;
+        fixed (char* pPath = path)
+        {
+            file = Windows.CreateFileW(
+                (ushort*)pPath,
+                Windows.GENERIC_READ,
+                FILE.FILE_SHARE_READ,
+                null,
+                OPEN.OPEN_EXISTING,
+                FILE.FILE_ATTRIBUTE_NORMAL,
+                HANDLE.NULL);
+        }
+
+        if (file == HANDLE.INVALID_VALUE)
+        {
+            var lastError = Marshal.GetLastWin32Error();
+            if (lastError is ERROR.ERROR_FILE_NOT_FOUND or ERROR.ERROR_PATH_NOT_FOUND)
+            {
+                stream = null;
+                return false;
+            }
+
+            Marshal.ThrowExceptionForHR(Windows.HRESULT_FROM_WIN32(lastError));
+        }
+
+        var sf = new SafeFileHandle(file, ownsHandle: true);
+        stream = new FileStream(sf, FileAccess.Read);
+        return true;
+    }
+}