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blog/_posts/2023-09-24-devops-glossary.md

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+---
+title: "A Brief, Incomplete and Mostly Wrong Devops Glossary"
+categories:
+  - Articles
+toc: false
+author: Adam
+---
+You've seen them—the pristine glossaries, endorsed by industry titans like the CNCF, with terms that sound like they're straight out of a sci-fi movie. All impressive and idealistic. But we all know that on the ground, where build meets deploy, things aren't always as polished as the glossary makes it seem.
+
+So here's my DevOps glossary in no particular order.
+
+**DevOps:** A magical realm where developers and operations live in harmony, everything that moves has been automated, and Terraform is still licensed MPL 2.
+
+**DevOps Engineer:** An ops person who abandoned problem solving and bash for 'orchestrating solutions' and YAML. Specializes in 'breaking down silos,' aka forwarding Slack messages between the Dev and Ops teams.
+
+**Blameless Postmortems:** A safe space where devs and ops blame "process" and "weird scripts," never people. Steve always gets the most action items, though — read into that what you will.
+
+**Incident:** It's not an 'outage,' it's an unscheduled exercise in Incident Response, an impromptu team-building activity leading to a profoundly underwhelming Root Cause Analysis report. It's basically a 'Whodunit?' but everyone knows it was Steve.
+
+**Site Reliability Engineer:** A rebranded systems engineer with pager induced insomnia. They talk about post-mortems more than medical corners and make twice as much.
+
+**Platform Engineer:** A sysadmin reborn by mastering Go and trading in 3 a.m. pager duty for noon YAML sessions. Can now say 'cloud-native' and 'serverless' with a straight face - which is worth a 2x salary bump, now isn't it?
+
+**PagerDuty:** A pocket-sized drill sergeant crossed with a fire alarm, screeching "Fix it, Soldier! Double-time!" at unholy hours.
+
+**CNCF:** The Academy Awards Committee of the Cloud Native™ world, with more categories than a 'kubectl get all' command. Don't forget to visit their merch booth for Kubernetes-branded water bottles and 'I Love YAML' stickers."
+
+**Grafana:** A Swiss Army knife of beautiful visualization tools collecting dust. Meanwhile Steve checks server health by pinging Google with a script he calls 'is_up.pl.'
+
+**Cloud Engineer:** Has Rob Pike poster. Fluent in Cloud Native™ protoc, and the ancient tongue of 'if err != nil.' Has a gopher tattoo. Hated generics but now strangely thinks they are ok.
+
+**Observability:** Converting thousands of SRE hours and AI alerts just to tell you Steve changed `replicas: 10` into `replicas: 1000` and nuked our Kubernetes. Nice scaling strategy, Steve.
+
+**Chaos Engineering:** Swapping 3 a.m. fire drills for 9-to-5 chaos—because nothing's as soothing as the buzz of pagers and the dance of logs, but now without the overtime.
+
+**KubeCon:** A career fair masquerading as a tech conference. It's like Burning Man but with ~~fewer drugs~~ less sand and replacing the spiritual awakening with trick-or-treating for stickers and swag.
+
+**Canary Release:** A deploy strategy where a few lucky users are selected to play "Spot the Bug" in Steve's latest masterpiece of chaos.
+
+So, there it is—a slice of DevOps life that you won't find in standard glossaries. But hey, we've only scratched the surface here. What is missing? Maybe I need to do a part two?
+
+{% include_html cta/bottom-cta.html %}